Colbert Confronts Bush Over Low Polls, Slams Press Subservience

Watch Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Corresponde... — CNN

CNN

Colbert argues that the Bush administration sustains its policies by rejecting empirical facts, aided by a compliant Washington press corps that abdicates its adversarial role.

AI-assisted summary of Watch Stephen Colbert at the 2006 White House Corresponde... — original source. Check the original for full context.

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Key ideas

  • Stephen Colbert delivers a high-wire satirical roast at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, adopting his conservative pundit persona while seated beside President George W. Bush. (0:00)
  • Addressing Bush's 32 percent approval rating, Colbert coins the memorable aphorism that 'reality has a well-known liberal bias' and compares the administration's trajectory to Rocky Balboa absorbing endless punishment. (3:45)
  • Colbert skewers the assembled Washington press corps for abandoning its early post-9/11 passivity, demanding reporters return to simply transcribing administration announcements without adversarial scrutiny. (8:15)
  • Rejecting claims that White House staff reshuffling was akin to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, Colbert concludes that the administration is instead rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg. (8:15)

Detailed notes

## Background Published by CNN on YouTube on April 29, 2016, this video looks back ten years to Stephen Colbert's performance at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner. The video description highlights how Colbert pulled no punches while skewering President George W. Bush and the gathered press corps in his signature satirical style.

## TL;DR Performing in character as an ultraconservative pundit, Stephen Colbert addresses President George W. Bush and the White House press corps directly from the head table. He satirizes the administration's reliance on 'gut' instinct over empirical facts, reinterpreting Bush's 32 percent approval rating through a brutal Rocky Balboa analogy and celebrating the White House's penchant for staged photo opportunities. Colbert also attacks elitist knowledge and the First Lady's reading initiatives, arguing that unwavering political conviction matters more than changing reality. He concludes by excoriating the assembled journalists for breaking their early-2000s compliance and meddling in depressing classified operations, ultimately comparing the administration's trajectory to rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

## Atmosphere & style The address carries a tension-charged, subversive atmosphere characterized by deadpan comedic delivery and biting political satire. Speaking inches away from the very targets he is lampooning, Colbert maintains an unyielding, mock-fawning persona that generates palpable, nervous friction across the room. Watching the performance feels daring and audacious, as Colbert transforms an elite, decorous Washington ballroom into a crucible of uncomfortable laughs and piercing truth-telling.

## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Stephen Colbert delivers a high-wire satirical roast at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, adopting his conservative pundit persona while seated beside President George W. Bush. - [03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) Addressing Bush's 32 percent approval rating, Colbert coins the memorable aphorism that 'reality has a well-known liberal bias' and compares the administration's trajectory to Rocky Balboa absorbing endless punishment. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Colbert skewers the assembled Washington press corps for abandoning its early post-9/11 passivity, demanding reporters return to simply transcribing administration announcements without adversarial scrutiny. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Rejecting claims that White House staff reshuffling was akin to rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, Colbert concludes that the administration is instead rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg.

## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Colbert opens by adopting an uncritical conservative pundit persona, claiming an intellectual kinship with Bush based on instinct and gut feelings rather than books and facts. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Dinner guests are jokingly told to request cocktails by speaking clearly into their table numbers so NSA surveillance can dispatch them. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Colbert defines conservative anti-statism by arguing that if the government that governs least governs best, the United States successfully established a fabulous government in Iraq. - [03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) Bush's 32 percent approval rating is dissected as mathematically two-thirds empty, with Colbert urging the president to ignore reality because reality exhibits a liberal bias. - [03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) The Bush administration's perseverance is framed through the film Rocky, celebrating a battered fighter whose core inspiration is taking repeated blows to the face despite ultimately losing. - [03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) Iconic presidential public-relations moments—standing on aircraft carriers, ground-zero rubble, and flooded streets—are satirized as masterfully staged photo opportunities. - [06:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=390s) Colbert feigns hostility toward Laura Bush's national literacy initiative, rejecting books as elitist tools that prioritize historical facts over personal opinion. - [06:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=390s) The president's unwavering stubbornness is lauded as steadfast consistency: believing the exact same thing on Wednesday that he believed on Monday, regardless of what occurred on Tuesday. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Fox News is praised as the sole balanced media outlet for presenting both sides of every issue: the president's perspective and the vice president's perspective. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Colbert scolds the press for investigating warrantless surveillance and secret CIA black sites, claiming exposing classified operations merely achieves 'misery accomplished.' - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Reporters are reminded of their post-9/11 compliance, when they avoided challenging administration claims regarding tax cuts, climate change, and Iraqi weapons of mass destruction. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Colbert outlines the proper role of the White House press corps: the president decides, the press secretary announces, and reporters transcribe and go home. - [08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) The performance concludes by swapping the Titanic metaphor for the Hindenburg, characterizing the administration not as a sinking ship but as an airborne catastrophe.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Speaking from the Gut and Core Principles

Stephen Colbert begins his address at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner by expressing feigned, hyperbolic awe at being seated right next to his “hero,” President George W. Bush. Pretending he must be dreaming, Colbert asks the audience to pinch him, quickly noting that he is such a heavy sleeper that simple pinching will not do: he pleads for someone to shoot him in the face, glancing around to ask if Vice President Dick Cheney is absent and lamenting that the one man who could have helped is missing. He then advises dinner guests that if they need anything brought to their tables, they should simply speak slowly and clearly directly into their table numbers so that an agent from the National Security Agency can dispatch a cocktail. Turning to Bush, First Lady Laura Bush, and the assembled press corps, Colbert introduces his conservative pundit persona, insisting that he and the president share a unique intellectual kinship because neither of them belongs to the overly intellectual establishment. As Colbert puts it: “Guys like us, we're not some brainiacs on the nerd patrol, we're not members of the factinista, we go straight from the gut.”

Colbert explains that genuine truth does not reside in books or cerebral thought, arguing that the human gut has far more nerve endings than the brain. Anticipating that skeptics might claim that medical reference works disprove this claim, he asserts that looking things up in a book is the fundamental mistake; rather, people must consult their own guts, just as his own gut reassures him of how the nervous system functions. He notes that on *The Colbert Report*, he offers viewers truth unfiltered by rational argument, operating inside a “no-fact zone”—a phrase he jokingly warns Fox News that he has copyrighted.

Framing himself as a simple man guided by a simple mind and simple values, Colbert outlines the foundational tenets of his worldview. He declares that he believes America exists, spanning from the Atlantic to the Pacific with fifty states, and quips that he cannot wait to see how *The Washington Post* spins that statement the next morning. Moving across his platform, Colbert asserts that democracy is America's greatest export—at least until China invents a way to mass-produce it out of plastic for three cents a unit—and cordially welcomes Chinese Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, thanking his country for making Happy Meals possible. He praises small government by declaring that the government that governs least governs best, observing that by this metric the United States has successfully established a fabulous government in Iraq. He touches on pulling oneself up by one's own bootstraps (recalling he once saw someone accomplish this feat in Cirque du Soleil), religious tolerance (welcoming Jews, Muslims, and Hindus along the “infinite paths” to accepting Jesus Christ as personal savior), and processed groceries, deadpanning that while he believes in yogurt, he refuses to believe “I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!”

- Colbert credits his entire political philosophy to instinct rather than intellectualism, insisting gut feeling trumps documented evidence. - Colbert parodies free-market outsourcing and foreign diplomacy by connecting the Chinese Ambassador directly to the manufacturing of Happy Meal toys. - Colbert redefines conservative anti-statism by pointing to post-invasion Iraq as the ultimate realization of a government that governs least.

---

[03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) Approval Ratings, the Rocky Analogy, and Staged Photo Ops

Addressing the political elephant in the room, Colbert turns directly to President Bush’s plummeting poll numbers, noting that recent surveys show the president sitting at a meager 32 percent approval rating. Colbert instructs Bush to disregard these figures completely, arguing that polls merely capture the views of people operating in reality, and delivers his iconic assessment: “We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality, and reality has a well-known liberal bias.” He cautions Bush against listening to those who frame the situation as a glass half-full or half-empty, pointing out that 32 percent mathematically means the glass is two-thirds empty, adding that while there is still liquid left, he would advise against drinking it because the bottom third is mostly backwash.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Rocky Analogy for Bush Administration accDescr: Diagram illustrating Colbert's framing of George W. Bush as Rocky Balboa against the world.

subgraph Ring["The Boxing Match"] A["Rocky Balboa: President Bush"] --- vs["Fights"] --- B["Apollo Creed: Everything Else in the World"] end

subgraph Corner["The Corner"] C["Corner Man Mick: Dick Cheney"] -->|"Cut me, Dick, cut me!"| A end

subgraph Outcome["The Reality Check"] A -->|"Gets up repeatedly"| D["Beaten & bloodied"] D -->|"Historical result"| E["Loses in the first movie"] end ```

Colbert rejects the notion that this represents a nadir for the Bush presidency, framing it instead as a temporary lull before an epic comeback. He analogizes the administration's trajectory to the plot of the film *Rocky*. In Colbert’s telling, Bush is Rocky Balboa, battered and bloodied in the tenth round, while Apollo Creed represents “everything else in the world.” Cheney steps into the role of corner man Mick, with Bush shouting, “Cut me, Dick, cut me!” Whenever Bush collapses to the canvas, the public urges him to stay down, but like Balboa, Bush stubbornly climbs back to his feet—even if, as Colbert abruptly remembers, Rocky actually ends up losing the fight at the end of the original movie. Shrugging off the loss, Colbert maintains that the inspirational core remains unchanged: it is the touching story of a man who endures being punched in the face over and over. Turning the statistics on their head, he challenges the audience to consider whether a 68 percent disapproval rating simply means that 68 percent of Americans approve of the job the president is *not* doing.

Colbert emphasizes his unwavering loyalty, noting that he stands by the president because the president stands for things—and, more importantly, stands *on* things, such as aircraft carriers, ground-zero rubble, and flooded city streets. These moments, Colbert argues, reassure the world that whatever catastrophe strikes the country, America will inevitably bounce back with the most powerfully staged photo opportunities in history. On energy independence, Colbert praises Bush’s visionary domestic agenda, suggesting that his endless hours spent clearing brush at his Crawford, Texas, ranch are actually an experimental initiative to develop alternative fuels, predicting that the nation will be driving mesquite-powered automobiles by 2008.

- Bush's 32 percent approval rating is dissected as mathematically two-thirds empty, with the remainder described as unpalatable backwash. - The administration's perseverance is likened to Rocky Balboa taking a relentless beating, culminating in an overlooked technical defeat. - Iconic presidential appearances on the USS *Abraham Lincoln* and in post-Katrina New Orleans are celebrated purely as masterclasses in public-relations staging.

---

[06:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=390s) Books, Steadfastness, and the War on Facts

Moving on to praise the First Family, Colbert acknowledges the president's deep love for Laura Bush, whom polls and public consensus widely view as her husband's better half. However, Colbert registers a personal complaint with the First Lady regarding her signature national reading initiative. He confesses an innate distrust of literature, dismissing books as elitist instruments packed with facts and devoid of heart. He mocks the authority of encyclopedic knowledge by asking who the *Encyclopædia Britannica* thinks it is to decree that the Panama Canal was completed in 1914, insisting that if he prefers to assert it was built in 1941, doing so is his constitutional right as an American citizen.

Colbert aligns his factual skepticism directly with the White House's philosophy, arguing that historical accuracy should be left open to interpretation rather than settled by recorded facts. What makes President Bush truly remarkable, Colbert claims, is his absolute and unwavering consistency regardless of external conditions. As Colbert observes about the president's resolute nature: “He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday.” In Colbert's view, real-world events may fluctuate, but this administration’s convictions remain completely impervious to change.

- Colbert rejects the authority of historical dates and texts, arguing that personal opinion outweighs documented history. - The First Lady's literacy campaign is critiqued in-character as an unwanted intrusion of elitist facts over emotional intuition. - Bush's refusal to adjust his policies in response to shifting realities on the ground is satirized as an ironclad virtue of unmovable consistency.

---

[08:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=495s) Skewering the Press Corps: "Rearranging the Deck Chairs on the Hindenburg"

Having addressed the head table, Colbert turns his sights squarely on the assembled journalists, declaring himself appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is actively tearing the country apart. He carves out a single exception for Fox News, praising the network for faithfully presenting both sides of every single story: the president’s side and the vice president’s side. He excoriates the rest of the press corps for their investigative priorities, questioning why they insist on publishing front-page exposés about warrantless NSA wiretapping programs and secret CIA black sites in Eastern Europe. Those operations were classified for a crucial reason, Colbert insists: they are thoroughly depressing, and in exposing them, the journalists have merely achieved "misery accomplished."

```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: Colbert's Media Protocol Rules accDescr: A three-step sequence mapping the passive role Colbert argues the Washington press corps should play.

subgraph Administration["The Administration"] A["The Decider:<br/>Makes decisions"] --> B["Press Secretary:<br/>Announces decisions"] end

subgraph Press["The Press Corps"] B --> C["The Reporters:<br/>Type decisions down"] C --> D["Spell-check & go home"] end ```

Colbert nostalgically recalls the preceding five years, reminiscing about the early post-9/11 era when the press corps exhibited far more cooperative restraint. On landmark issues such as tax cuts, faulty intelligence concerning Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, and the emerging consequences of climate change, the American people did not want to know the unsettling details, and the Washington press had the courtesy not to dig for them. To restore order, Colbert reviews the fundamental operating rules of presidential reporting: the president acts as "the decider" who makes the choices, the press secretary steps up to the podium to announce those choices, and the journalists simply type them into their word processors.

He urges the reporters to run their copy through spell-check, close their laptops, and go home to reconnect with their families, make love to their wives, and finally write the novels kicking around in their heads—specifically the fictional story about an intrepid Washington investigative reporter who possesses the integrity and courage to stand up to executive authority. He points out that the administration has no incentive to entertain their adversarial inquiries anyway, because the press remains perpetually unsatisfied. When the media demanded personnel changes, the White House obliged, only for commentators to dismiss the reshuffling as merely rearranging the deck chairs on the *Titanic*. Colbert rejects the metaphor, insisting that the administration is not sinking at all; rather, it is soaring, and if anything, officials are rearranging the deck chairs on the *Hindenburg*. With that final incendiary image, Colbert offers his parting gratitude to the White House Correspondents' Association, First Lady Laura Bush, and President Bush before exiting the dais.

- Fox News is commended for journalistic balance that strictly spans the narrow ideological gap between Bush and Cheney. - The Washington press corps is reminded of its earlier complicity in uncritically repeating administration claims regarding WMDs and tax cuts. - Colbert replaces the *Titanic* analogy with the *Hindenburg*, depicting the administration not as a ship sinking in water, but as an airborne disaster engulfed in flames.

## Notable quotes > [03:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=225s) We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality, and reality has a well-known liberal bias. — Stephen Colbert

## Mentioned Stephen Colbert, George W. Bush, White House Correspondents' Dinner, CNN, Dick Cheney, National Security Agency, Laura Bush, The Colbert Report, Fox News, The Washington Post, Zhou Wenzhong, Iraq, Cirque du Soleil, Jesus Christ, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!, Rocky, Apollo Creed, USS Abraham Lincoln, Encyclopædia Britannica, Panama Canal, Central Intelligence Agency, Titanic, Hindenburg, White House Correspondents' Association

## Video description It's been 10 years since Stephen Colbert ripped into President George W. Bush and the media at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner. Watch how, in Colbert style, he held no punches.

[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY)

中文简报

科尔伯特当面调侃布什低支持率，痛批媒体顺从盲从 科尔伯特认为，布什政府通过排斥客观事实来维持其政策，而放弃监督角色的华盛顿记者团对此起到了推波助澜的作用。 斯蒂芬·科尔伯特以极端保守派评论员的身份坐在主桌，直接面对乔治·W·布什总统和白宫记者团发言。他讽刺了本届政府依赖“直觉”而非客观事实的作风，用洛奇·巴尔博亚惨烈挨打的残酷类比重新解读了布什32%的支持率，并调侃了白宫对摆拍宣传的热衷。科尔伯特还抨击了精英知识分子及第一夫人的阅读推广倡议，称坚定不移的政治信念远比不断变化的现实更重要。最后，他严厉斥责在座记者打破了2000年代初期的顺从听话、开始插手令人沮丧的机密行动，并最终将该政府的走向比作在即将起火爆炸的兴登堡号飞艇上摆放甲板躺椅。 在2006年白宫记者协会晚宴上，斯蒂芬·科尔伯特坐在乔治·W·布什总统身旁，以其保守派评论员的伪装人设发表了一场极具火药味的讽刺脱口秀。 (0:00) 针对布什32%的支持率，科尔伯特留下了“众所周知，现实存在自由主义偏见”这句名言，并将该政府的轨迹比作不断承受重击的洛奇·巴尔博亚。 (3:45) 科尔伯特嘲讽聚集在现场的华盛顿记者团放弃了“9·11”之后的被动顺从，要求记者们回到仅照抄政府声明、不进行对抗性监督的状态。 (8:15) 有人称白宫幕僚重组就像在泰坦尼克号上摆放甲板躺椅，科尔伯特驳斥了这一说法，断言本届政府实际上是在兴登堡号飞艇上重新摆放甲板躺椅。 (8:15)

Reading summary

In his address at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner, satirist Stephen Colbert adopts an exaggerated conservative pundit persona to lampoon the Bush administration's detachment from empirical reality and to indict the Washington press corps for historical complicity and passivity. Intuition, Inflexibility, and the Rejection of Facts (0:00) Colbert grounds his persona's political outlook in visceral instinct rather than intellectual deliberation, arguing that genuine truth originates in the gut rather than documented evidence or cerebral analysis. Within this framework, he dismisses recorded literature and reference materials—such as the Encyclopædia Britannica's dating of the Panama Canal—as elitist instruments that infringe on an individual's right to assert personal opinion as fact. He directly links this epistemological stance to President George W. Bush's governance style, praising the president's absolute consistency in believing the same thing on Wednesday that he believed on Monday, regardless of what occurred on Tuesday. Colbert extends this parody of anti-intellectual conservatism to broader political doctrines. He defines the tenet that the government that governs least governs best by presenting post-invasion Iraq as an ideal realization of small government. Similarly, he satirizes free-market ideology and foreign relations by thanking Chinese Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong for manufacturing Happy Meal toys, predicting that American democracy itself will remain the nation's premier export only until China discovers how to mass-produce it out of plastic for three cents a unit. Navigating Low Polls Through Rhetoric and Staging (3:45) Confronting President Bush's 32 percent approval rating, Colbert advises the administration to disregard polling entirely. He asserts that polls merely capture public opinion formed in reality, and that reality possesses a well-known liberal bias. He dissects the 32 percent figure mathematically as a glass two-thirds empty with only unpalatable backwash remaining, while offering the alternative interpretation that a 68 percent disapproval rating simply indicates broad public approval for the job the president is not doing. Colbert reframes the administration's standing through the plot of the film Rocky, casting Bush as Rocky Balboa relentlessly taking punches from Apollo Creed, who represents the rest of the world, with Vice President Dick Cheney acting as corner man Mick. While acknowledging that Balboa technically loses the fight at the end of the original film, Colbert maintains the narrative remains an inspiring showcase of a man taking continuous punishment. He pairs this endurance with praise for the White House's public-relations management, asserting that whenever catastrophe strikes, the administration reliably responds with powerfully staged photo opportunities on aircraft carriers, ground-zero rubble, and flooded city streets. Complicity and Passive Compliance in the Press (8:15) Turning his focus to the assembled journalists, Colbert satirizes conventional complaints of media bias, singling out Fox News as the sole outlet providing balanced coverage by presenting both the president's and the vice president's viewpoints. He reprimands investigative reporters for publishing exposés on classified initiatives, such as warrantless National Security Agency surveillance and secret CIA detention sites in Eastern Europe, claiming that revealing unsettling truths merely accomplishes misery. Colbert contrasts recent adversarial reporting with the press corps' prior deference, reminding reporters of their post-9/11 willingness to avoid challenging the administration on tax cuts, intelligence regarding Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, and climate change. He defines the ideal operating model of presidential journalism as a strictly passive sequence: the president acts as the decider, the press secretary announces executive decisions, and journalists type the statements, run spell-check, and leave to write fictional novels about courageous reporters. Rejecting commentators' descriptions of administration staff reshuffling as rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, Colbert concludes that the administration is instead rearranging deck chairs on the Hindenburg. Colbert's address uses satire to directly confront both the executive branch and the press corps, depicting the administration's steadfastness as an intentional avoidance of real-world outcomes and characterizing the media's routine reporting practices as an abdication of its adversarial oversight role.

精炼阅读摘要

在2006年白宫记者协会晚宴上，Stephen Colbert以讽刺性的保守派政论家形象发表讲话，通过推崇“凭直觉执政”与“反事实主义”，尖锐解构了小布什政府的政策逻辑与公关叙事。Colbert同时将矛头直指在场的新闻界，谴责主流媒体在反恐战争、情报缺陷及国家安全等重大议题上放弃批判监督，沦为配合行政权力运转的速记员。 直觉执政与反事实主义的政治哲学 (0:00) Colbert宣称自己与布什总统共享一种无需精英知识介入的智识联结，坚称两人都不属于由书呆子或“事实分子”（factinista）组成的知识建制派，而是完全“凭直觉行事”。他调侃称人类肠道的神经末梢远多于大脑，真正的真理不必求助于书本或理性思辨；即便医学文献推翻该观点，查阅书籍本身也是精英主义的错误，直觉才是判断神经系统乃至政治运行的最高法庭。基于此，他在《科尔伯特报告》（The Colbert Report）中向观众输出未经理性论证的观点，打造受版权保护的“无事实区”。 这种反智倾向被进一步升华为对抗客观事实的执政特质。Colbert批评第一夫人劳拉·布什推动的国民阅读倡议，斥责书籍是充斥事实却缺乏温情的精英工具，并以《大英百科全书》记载巴拿马运河于1914年完工为例，坚称公民有权基于个人偏好将其认定为1941年建成。在Colbert看来，这种对既定事实的漠视正契合了白宫的行事风格：无论周二发生何种现实变故，总统在周三依然坚守周一持有的相同信念，体现出一种完全免疫于外部客观事实的绝对一致性。 保守主义教条与对外干预的外交反讽 (0:00) Colbert以夸张的右翼修辞重构了美国的核心信条与地缘政治主张。他将民主制称为美国最伟大的出口产品，但随即讽刺该优势只能维持到中国能够以单件3美分的成本用塑料大规模量产民主为止，并借此向在场的中国驻美大使周文重致意，感谢中国制造让麦当劳“开心乐园餐”成为可能。在能源议题上，他将布什在得州克劳福德农场长时间清理灌木的举动，戏称为开发替代能源的国内先锋试验，预言美国到2008年将开上由牧豆树驱动的汽车。 在论及保守派反国家主义立场时，Colbert援引“管得最少的政府是最好的政府”这一原则，推导出美国已在战后伊拉克建立起一个极佳政府的反讽结论。他还将保守派标榜的自力更生讽喻为类似太阳马戏团的高难度表演，并声称宗教包容意味着接纳犹太教、伊斯兰教和印度教徒沿着通向“承认耶稣基督为救主”的无限道路前行，从而解构了保守派施政理念中名存实亡的多元主义。 支持率困境、公关摆拍与“洛奇”神话 (3:45) 针对布什当时跌至32%的民意支持率，Colbert以反讽笔调规劝总统完全无需在意，声称民调仅仅记录了生活在现实中的人群想法，而“现实具有众所周知的自由主义偏见”。他进一步指出，从数学上讲，32%的支持率意味着杯子已三分之二见底，且底部残留的液体多为令人难以下咽的返流残液；若将数据反转，则意味着有68%的美国人支持总统“没有在做的工作”。 为了替执政颓势开脱，Colbert将政府形象比拟为电影《洛奇》（Rocky）：布什如同在拳击台上被代表“全世界”的阿波罗·奎迪（Apollo Creed）打得满脸是血的洛奇，副总统切尼则充当场边助手；尽管公众呼吁其倒下，布什仍顽强站起，尽管原版电影中洛奇最终输掉了比赛。Colbert强调，自己坚定支持总统是因为总统善于“站在物体之上”——从林肯号航母到世贸废墟，再到卡特里娜飓风淹没的街头——展示出无论国家遭受何种灾难，美国总能依靠历史上最高水平的公关摆拍实现信心的重塑。 媒体监督缺位与行政速记化危机 (8:15) Colbert在演讲尾声将批判焦点对准在座的新闻界，嘲弄全场只有福克斯新闻（Fox News）展现了平衡报道，因为它始终完整呈现故事的双方：总统的立场与副总统的立场。他斥责其他主流媒体打破了反恐战争初期的温顺常态，执意披露国家安全局（NSA）无令状国内监听以及中央情报局（CIA）在东欧设立的秘密黑狱，声称此类将绝密丑闻公之于众的行为纯属让公众徒增痛苦的“悲惨已达成”（misery accomplished）。 Colbert回顾了后9/11时代的媒体协作，指出当年公众并不想获知减税政策的真实代价、伊拉克大规模杀伤性武器的情报缺陷或气候变化问题，而记者团当时保持了不加深究的默契。他敦促记者认清职责：总统作为“决策者”做出决断，新闻秘书宣布决断，而记者只需打字记录、完成拼写检查后回家写一本关于记者勇敢对抗行政权力的虚构小说。最后，针对外界将白宫幕僚调整形容为重排“泰坦尼克号”甲板躺椅的论调，Colbert予以反驳，指出白宫并未沉没而是在高空飞翔，如果一定要比喻，官员们实际重排的是“兴登堡号”（Hindenburg）飞艇上的甲板躺椅。 Stephen Colbert通过完全代入反智与极右翼评论员的人设，以戏谑的形式直击布什政府在民调低迷、伊拉克战局及国家安全政策上的执拗与公关化本质。该演讲的核心力量不仅在于当面刺痛行政长官，更在于以反讽方式系统清算了白宫记者团在重大国家危机中的同谋与失职，揭示出政治权力与大众传媒在后真相氛围下的共生生态。

Detailed notes — zh

## Background 该视频由 CNN 于 2016 年 4 月 29 日发布在 YouTube 平台上。视频简介指出，这是为了纪念斯蒂芬·科尔伯特（Stephen Colbert）在 2006 年白宫记者协会晚宴上以其标志性的辛辣风格痛击乔治·W·布什（George W. Bush）总统及在场媒体十周年。 ## TL;DR 科尔伯特化身为纯凭直觉行事、反智的极右翼评论员人设，看似吹捧实则无情讽刺了布什总统的各项政策、极低的支持率以及切尼误伤事件和国安局窃听丑闻，并留下了“现实有着明显的自由主义偏见”的名言。随后，他将矛头直接对准台下的白宫记者团，嘲弄主流媒体过去在伊拉克战争和减税等议题上的盲从与失职，讽刺他们只配做听话的政府速记员。最后，他将处于危机中的现任政府比作即将起火坠毁的“兴登堡号”，完成了这场极具杀伤力的政治脱口秀。 ## Atmosphere & style 整场演讲充满了令人屏息的尖锐张力与极度冷静的反讽（deadpan）。科尔伯特在总统本人与华盛顿政媒精英的近距离注视下全程不露声色，以极右翼狂热者的伪装持续输出毁灭性讽刺；台下观众与被调侃者在错愕、尴尬与稀疏的笑声中如坐针毡，现场氛围在如履薄冰的窒息感与酣畅淋漓的黑色幽默之间反复激荡。 ## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Stephen Colbert 在 2006 年白宫记者晚宴上以虚构的极右翼评论员人设发表演讲，直面乔治·W·布什总统并借反讽手法猛烈抨击其政策与作风。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) 针对布什低至 32% 的执政支持率，Colbert 抛出名言反驳民调有效性，称“现实有着明显的自由主义偏见”。 - [05:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=300s) Colbert 调侃布什的“小政府”理念与灾难摆拍公关，称美国在伊拉克建立了一个极其出色的无为政府，并依靠精妙公关照应对危机。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 演说后半段将矛头对准现场主流媒体，讽刺记者团沦为政府传声筒，并将白宫现状比作“在兴登堡号飞艇上重新排列躺椅”。 ## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Colbert 开场借由迪克·切尼打猎误伤事件和 NSA 秘密监听丑闻制造反讽，拉开晚宴调侃序幕。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) Colbert 塑造反智人设，宣称自己与布什一样摒弃理性事实、仅凭直觉行事，打造所谓的“无事实区”。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) 以“管得最少的政府就是最好的政府”讽刺伊拉克战争后当地治理体系的瘫痪与无序。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) 面对布什 32% 的低民调支持率，戏谑民调只是反映现实的统计数据，而“现实有着明显的自由主义偏见”。 - [05:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=300s) 将布什的困境比作电影《洛奇》，调侃总统虽被持续重击却由切尼在场边指点，是一场脸部反复挨打的闹剧。 - [05:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=300s) 嘲讽白宫的灾难公关模式，指出布什热衷于站在航母、世贸废墟及洪灾现场摆拍，以此营造美国强势反弹的幻觉。 - [05:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=300s) 抨击对书本与事实的迷信，反讽布什最大的特质在于无视现实变化、周一相信什么周三依然坚信不移。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 调侃福克斯新闻客观报道了故事的正反两面，即“总统的观点以及副总统的观点”。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 指责记者报道 NSA 监听与东欧黑狱是在传播沮丧情绪，反讽媒体过去五年对减税、WMD 及全球变暖的不追问表现得极为顺从。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 明确新闻界的依附关系链条：总统负责做决定，新闻秘书负责宣布，而记者只需打字记录并做拼写检查即可回家。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 嘲笑记者撰写对抗政府的畅销小说纯属脱离现实的虚构幻想。 - [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 反驳白宫人事重组是“泰坦尼克号上排躺椅”的比喻，直言政府其实是在走向灾难的“兴登堡号飞艇上重新排列躺椅”。 ## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=0s) 直觉至上与保守主义信仰清单 Stephen Colbert 开场便用极具反讽意味的狂热姿态，表达了自己与“英雄”乔治·W·布什（George W. Bush）同坐一桌的“荣幸”。为了证明自己不是在做梦，他开玩笑说普通人捏一下不够，必须“有人朝我的脸上开一枪才行”——暗讽副总统迪克·切尼（Dick Cheney）不久前的打猎误伤事件，并故作遗憾地确认切尼当晚并未出席。随后他调侃了当时闹得沸沸扬扬的国家安全局（NSA）国内窃听丑闻，告诉在座嘉宾如果需要服务，只要对着桌牌清楚说话，NSA 的特工就会送上鸡尾酒。 Colbert 进而为自己树立了一个反智、纯凭直觉行事的极右翼电视评论员人设。他宣称自己和布什总统非常相像，既不是书呆子巡逻队，也不是死抠事实的“事实主义者”（factinista），而是纯粹靠直觉（gut）行事，因为直觉才是真理的所在。面对人们以书本生理学常识反驳“肠胃神经末梢比大脑多”的说法，Colbert 直言那是读书读傻了，真正的问题应该用直觉去查。他解释道：“Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no-fact zone.”（每晚在我的节目《科尔伯特报告》中，我都是发自肺腑地说话。我给人们提供未经理性争论过滤的真理，我称之为‘无事实区’。） 顺着这套“直觉逻辑”，Colbert 列举了一系列荒诞的信念： - **美利坚合众国**：直觉告诉他美国确实存在，横跨大西洋到太平洋，拥有 50 个州，他还调侃《华盛顿邮报》（The Washington Post）第二天肯定会对此大做文章、扭曲事实。 - **民主制度**：他认为民主是美国最伟大的出口产品，“至少在中国想出用三美分成本把它用塑料压制出来之前是这样”，顺势向在座的中国驻美大使周文重（Zhou Wenzhong）致意，戏称伟大的中国让麦当劳开心乐园餐成为可能。 - **小政府理论**：奉行“管得最少的政府就是最好的政府”，以此为标准，美国已经在伊拉克建立了一个极其出色的政府。 - **自力更生**：坚信人可以拽着自己的鞋带把自己提起来（pull yourself up by your own bootstraps），因为他曾在太阳马戏团（Cirque du Soleil）见过特技演员这么干。 - **宗教宽容**：作为坚定的基督徒，他坚信所有人都有信仰自由，无论是印度教徒、犹太人还是穆斯林，因为“在接受耶稣基督为你个人的救主这件事上，存在着无穷无尽的路径”。 - **民调数据**：针对布什当时惨淡的 32% 支持率，Colbert 驳斥民调毫无意义，并抛出了全场最尖锐的名言：“We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality. And reality has a well-known liberal bias.”（我们知道民调只是一堆反映人们在现实中怎么想的统计数据，而众所周知，现实有着明显的自由主义偏见。） ### [05:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=300s) 洛奇式困境、形象公关与永不动摇的信念 谈到 32% 的低迷支持率时，Colbert 告诫布什不要听信“杯子是半空还是半满”的说法，因为 32% 意味着杯子已经空了三分之二，剩下的杯底液体基本都是回流的唾沫（backwash）。但他话锋一转，打趣称这绝非执政低谷，而只是王者归来前的短暂停歇。他将布什比作电影《洛奇》（Rocky）里的洛奇·巴尔博亚（Rocky Balboa），而阿波罗·奎德（Apollo Creed）则是世界上所有反对布什的事物。在第十回合，满脸是血的总统被击倒，而角落里的教练（也就是副总统切尼）正大喊“切开我的眼皮，迪克，切开我”，所有人都在喊倒下吧，但总统依然顽强站起——虽然在第一部电影的结局里洛奇其实输了，但这依然是一个“男子汉脸部被反复暴打的感人故事”。 接着，Colbert 用荒谬的反向逻辑安慰总统：既然有 68% 的美国人不支持总统正在做的工作，这在逻辑上难道不意味着“有 68% 的人支持他没在做的工作”吗？他高呼自己全力支持布什，不仅因为布什坚持原则（stands for things），更因为布什喜欢站在东西上（stands on things）——比如航空母舰、世贸废墟以及刚刚遭遇洪灾的城市广场，这向世界传递了一个强有力的信号：无论美国发生什么灾难，她总能凭借世界上搭建最精妙的“摆拍公关照”（staged photo ops）强势反弹。 Colbert 进一步为布什辩护，称其拥有极其超前的能源政策：布什整天在得州克劳福德农场清理灌木，其实是在开发替代能源，到 2008 年全美就能开上牧豆树（mesquite）驱动的汽车。随后他将矛头转向第一夫人劳拉·布什（Laura Bush）所倡导的读书计划，坦白自己从不相信书本，痛斥书本全都是事实而没有感情，全是一帮精英在告诉大众什么发生过、什么没发生过：“Who's Britannica to tell me the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.”（大英百科全书凭什么告诉我巴拿马运河建于 1914 年？如果我想说它是 1941 年建的，那是身为美国人的权利。）他称赞布什的伟大之处恰恰在于坚定不移：周一相信什么，周三依然相信什么，完全不在乎周二发生了什么，“事件可以改变，但这个男人的信念绝不会改变”。 ### [08:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY&t=514s) 痛击主流媒体：从东欧黑狱到兴登堡号 在演说的最后部分，Colbert 将火力直接对准了在场的全体新闻记者。他故作愤怒地表示，自己虽然为能与总统同台而激动，却对身边包围着正在“摧毁美国”的自由派媒体感到震惊——当然福克斯新闻（Fox News）除外，因为“福克斯新闻客观报道了故事的正反两面：总统的观点，以及副总统的观点”。 Colbert 严厉质问在座记者为何要报道国家安全局秘密监听和中情局在东欧设立的秘密监狱：这些事情之所以保密，纯粹是因为它们太让人沮丧了；如果媒体的目标就是制造沮丧，那真是“任务完成”（misery accomplished，暗讽布什在航母上的 Mission Accomplished 标语）。他讽刺主流媒体过去五年表现得极其顺从，面对减税政策、伊拉克大规模杀伤性武器（WMD）情报以及全球变暖的真相，美国民众不想知道，记者们也极具教养地从不去深挖，那段岁月多么美好。 为了让白宫记者团认清自身定位，Colbert 现场重申了新闻运作的“规矩”： ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 假想的新闻运作流程 accDescr: 展示 Colbert 调侃的白宫与媒体单向服从链条：决策、宣布、打字录入。 A["总统（决策者）<br/>The Decider<br/>负责做决定"] --> B["白宫新闻秘书<br/>Press Secretary<br/>负责宣布决定"] B --> C["新闻记者<br/>The Press<br/>负责打字记录"] C --> D["拼写检查并回家<br/>Spell check & Go home"] ``` 关于这套单向顺从的运作机制，Colbert 明确指出总统作为最终决定者的权威不容置疑：“The President makes decisions, he's the decider, the press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down.”（总统做决定，他是决策者；新闻秘书宣布这些决定；而你们这些媒体人负责把这些决定打成文字。） 他嘲讽记者们做完拼写检查后就该回家陪伴家人、亲吻妻子，或者去写脑子里盘算已久的畅销小说——就是那种“描写一位无畏的华盛顿记者勇敢对抗政府的小说，也就是纯虚构小说”。最后，Colbert 抨击记者对白宫的人事变动冷嘲热讽是“重新排列泰坦尼克号甲板上的躺椅”，他反驳称这个比喻极其糟糕，因为现任政府根本没有在下沉，而是在展翅高飞：“If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”（真要说的话，他们是在兴登堡号飞艇上重新排列躺椅。）在引发全场寂静与复杂反应的高潮中，Colbert 向第一夫人与总统致谢，结束了这场载入史册的晚宴演讲。 ## Mentioned Stephen Colbert, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Zhou Wenzhong, Laura Bush, Rocky Balboa, Apollo Creed, The Colbert Report, National Security Agency (NSA), Central Intelligence Agency (CIA), The Washington Post, Fox News, Cirque du Soleil, McDonald's, Encyclopædia Britannica, Rocky, Hindenburg ## Video description It's been 10 years since Stephen Colbert ripped into President George W. Bush and the media at the 2006 White House Correspondents' Dinner. Watch how, in Colbert style, he held no punches. [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ-a2KeyCAY)

Source quotes

[3:45] Stephen Colbert: We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality, and reality has a well-known liberal bias.

Original transcript

[0:00] Wow. Wow, what an honor. The White House Correspondents' Dinner. To actually, to sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush. To be this close to the man. I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper. That may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Damn it. The one guy who could have helped. By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail. Mark Smith, ladies and gentlemen of the press corps, Madam First Lady, Mr. President, my name is Stephen Colbert, and tonight it is my privilege to celebrate this President. Because we're not so different, he and I. We both get it. Guys like us we not some brainiacs on the nerd patrol We not members of the factinista We go straight from the gut Right sir That where the truth lies Right down here in the gut Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. Now I know some of you are going to say, I did look it up, and that's not true. That's because you looked it up in a book. Next time, look it up in your gut. I did. My gut tells me that's how our nervous system works. Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the no-fact zone. Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term. I'm a simple man with a simple mind. I hold a simple set of beliefs that I live by. Number one, I believe in America. I believe it exists My gut tells me I live there I feel that it extends from the Atlantic to the Pacific And I strongly believe it has 50 states And I cannot wait to see how the Washington Post spins that one tomorrow. I believe in democracy. I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit. As a matter of fact, Ambassador Joanne Jean, welcome. Your great country makes our happy meals possible. I said it's a celebration. I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq. I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible. I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical. And though I am a committed Christian I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion be you Hindu Jewish or Muslim I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe it's yogurt. But I refuse to believe it's not butter. Most of all, I believe in this president. Now I know there's some polls out there saying that this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in reality. And reality has a well-known liberal bias. So, Mr. President, please, please pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half full. Thirty-two percent means the glass... It's important to set up your jokes properly, sir. Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32 percent means it's two-thirds empty. [5:00] Thank you. There's still some liquid in that glass, is my point. But I wouldn't drink it. . Last third is usually backwash. OK. Look, folks, my point is... But I don't believe this is a low point. in this presidency. I believe it is just a lull Before I come back. I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right? The president in this case is Rocky Balboa. And Apollo Creed is... Everything else in the world. It's the 10th round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, He's yelling, cut me, dick, cut me. And every time he falls, everyone says, stay down, Rock, stay down. But does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end, he actually loses in the first movie. Hmm. Okay. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. The point is, it is the heartwarming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. Thank you. So don't pay attention to the-- approval ratings that say that 68 percent of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this: does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it. I haven't. . I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message. That no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world. Now, there may be an energy crisis. This President has a very forward-thinking energy policy. Why do you think he's down on the ranch cutting that brush all the time? He's trying to create an alternative energy source. By 2008, we will have a mesquite-powered car. And I just like the guy. He's a good Joe. Obviously loves his wife. Is Calzer's better half? And Paul Schell, America agrees. She's a true lady and a wonderful woman. But I just have one beef, ma'am. I'm sorry, but This reading initiative. I'm sorry, I've never been a fan of books. I don't trust them. They're all fact, no heart. I mean... They're elitists telling us what is or isn't true or what did or didn't happen. Who's Britannica? to tell me The Panama Canal was built in 1914. If I want to say it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American. I'm with the President. Let history decide what did or did not happen. The greatest thing about this man Is he steady? You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday. that he believed on Monday. no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change. This man's beliefs never will. And as... As... excited as I am to be here with the President. I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America. With the exception of Fox News... Thank you. Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the president's side, and the Vice President side. But the rest of you, what are you thinking? Reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe, Those things are secret for a very important reason. They're super depressing. Thank you. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years, you people were so good. Over tax cuts? WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming, we Americans didn't want to know and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times. As far as we knew, . But listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President, makes decisions, he's the decider, The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put them through a [10:00] check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration? You know, fiction. . Because really, what... Incentive do these people have to answer your questions after all? I mean, nothing satisfies you. Everybody asks for personnel changes. So... The White House has personnel changes. And then you write, "Oh, they're just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic." First of all, that is a terrible metaphor. This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg. . Members of the White House Correspondents Association, Madam First Lady, Mr. President, It's been a true honor. Thank you very much. Good night. Thank you. Thank you.