HP Debuts Cloud Push With Support for CD-ROMs and 'All the Gs'

HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About' — The Onion

The Onion

Hewlett-Packard claims its proprietary cloud platform outperforms competitors despite company representatives being unable to explain how the technology functions beyond an arbitrary capacity of "one thousand."

AI-assisted summary of HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About' — original source. Check the original for full context.

Source published:

Key ideas

  • Hewlett-Packard announced its official push into cloud computing, claiming via press release that it now offers "that cloud thing everyone is talking about." (0:02)
  • HP spokesperson Gary Klinman struggled to articulate the technology's mechanics, confirming only that users with computers, phones, or both can back things up to HP's cloud. (0:22)
  • The company's marketing campaign promotes the cloud for everyday tasks including emails, texting, Facebook, and CD-ROMs, while dodging technical explanations. (0:46)
  • Inside HP's testing laboratory, engineers evaluated cloud computing using physical cotton-like cloud puffs and specified total storage capacity simply as "one thousand." (1:45)

Detailed notes

## Background Published by The Onion on YouTube on July 29, 2012, this satirical news segment covers Hewlett-Packard's latest corporate initiative. According to the video description, HP has announced a new push into cloud computing while insisting that they totally know what that is.

## TL;DR In a broadcast of Tech Trends, anchor Scott McKay reports on HP's desperate bid to stay modern by launching 'that cloud thing that everyone is talking about.' HP spokesperson Gary Klinman struggles to explain how cloud storage works, instead falling back on empty tech jargon like 'cloud sourcing 2.0' and having 'all the Gs.' Advertisements showcase everyday users running CD-ROMs via the cloud, while behind-the-scenes footage reveals engineers tossing literal cotton puffs onto keyboards and defining total capacity simply as 'one thousand.'

## Atmosphere & style The video adopts a deadpan parody of polished tech journalism and corporate press junkets, balancing a sleek broadcast news aesthetic with utter technical incoherence. The interactions between McKay and the HP representatives crackle with awkward, strained corporate cheer, making the spokesperson's stammering jargon feel hilariously painful. Viewers experience an escalating sense of dry absurdity as high-level corporate confidence is juxtaposed with literal cotton clouds tossed onto computer hardware.

## Bulletin - [00:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=2s) Hewlett-Packard announced its official push into cloud computing, claiming via press release that it now offers "that cloud thing everyone is talking about." - [00:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=22s) HP spokesperson Gary Klinman struggled to articulate the technology's mechanics, confirming only that users with computers, phones, or both can back things up to HP's cloud. - [00:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=46s) The company's marketing campaign promotes the cloud for everyday tasks including emails, texting, Facebook, and CD-ROMs, while dodging technical explanations. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=105s) Inside HP's testing laboratory, engineers evaluated cloud computing using physical cotton-like cloud puffs and specified total storage capacity simply as "one thousand."

## Key takeaways - [00:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=2s) HP is attempting to shed its reputation for no-frills hardware by jumping onto modern cloud computing trends. - [00:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=12s) The company's official announcement bluntly declared they have "that cloud thing" directly on their computers and that it outperforms competitors. - [00:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=22s) Spokesman Gary Klinman struggled to explain basic cloud storage principles during an interview with anchor Scott McKay. - [00:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=34s) Klinman asserted that the cloud platform caters to consumers who own computers, phones, or both devices. - [00:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=46s) A multi-platform advertising campaign features customer testimonials claiming getting on the cloud via HP is the natural choice. - [01:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=62s) Promotional spots claim the cloud handles everyday digital tasks, bizarrely grouping CD-ROMs alongside texting, emails, and Facebook. - [01:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=72s) HP's ad campaign deliberately dodges technical mechanics by asserting the cloud is too intuitive to waste time explaining. - [01:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=85s) Klinman strung together tech buzzwords to demonstrate innovation, touting 'Cloud sourcing 2.0,' social sharing, and 'really all the Gs' including 4G, 5G, and 6G. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=105s) HP engineers were seen in the development lab physically throwing cotton-like cloud puffs onto computer keyboards. - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=110s) When asked to quantify user storage limits, an HP engineer confidently stated the capacity was simply 'one thousand' without specifying units. - [02:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=120s) The program concluded with a preview of 'Body Dew,' a satirical device designed to broadcast bodily functions to Facebook via iPhone.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=2s) HP Announces It Has Entered "That Cloud Thing"

Anchor Scott McKay reports that Hewlett-Packard, long recognized for its basic, affordable, no-frills computers, is making a bold move to show it can keep pace with modern computing trends. In an official press release, the company declared its enthusiastic entry into modern web architecture: “We are excited to begin offering that cloud thing that everyone is talking about. We definitely have the cloud on our computers and it is better than anyone else's cloud.”

To explain the new direction, McKay sits down with HP spokesman Gary Klinman, who insists the company is eager to reveal how they manage their digital ecosystem. Visibly struggling to grasp the core concepts of cloud storage while trying to project corporate confidence, Klinman strains to explain the consumer benefit: “We are absolutely thrilled that now people with computers or phones, both, will now be able to back things up to the cloud and that's definitely something that people do and they will be doing it with HP.”

- Official positioning: HP asserts that their proprietary version of the cloud is directly on their computers and superior to competitor offerings. - Platform support: The service is vaguely targeted at individuals who possess computers, phones, or both devices.

[00:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8&t=46s) The Ad Campaign, Modern Feature Buzzwords, and Storage Limits

HP is building a major multi-platform print and television advertising campaign centered around the cloud. In one of the promotional spots, an everyday user explains his thought process: “HP is the company I've always relied on so when I decided to get on my computer on the cloud which is how you do it naturally HP was the company I chose.” The testimonial actor goes on to describe the cloud as the ideal solution for running everyday tasks such as emails, Facebook, texting, and CD-ROMs, before breezily dodging any technical mechanics by remarking, “How does the cloud work? It's so simple and intuitive I don't need to waste your time explaining it.”

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: HP Cloud Architecture Overview accDescr: Diagram illustrating HP's marketed cloud capabilities and buzzwords. subgraph Core["HP Cloud Integration"] A["HP Computer"] --> B["The Cloud"] B --> C["Supported Media"] end subgraph Media["Features & Formats"] C --> D["Emails & Texting"] C --> E["Facebook"] C --> F["CD-ROMs"] end subgraph Tech["Advanced Buzzwords"] B --> G["Cloud Sourcing 2.0"] B --> H["All the Gs: 4G, 5G, 6G"] B --> I["Capacity: Exactly 1,000"] end ```

When asked whether the system provides any additional capabilities, Gary Klinman rattles off a haphazard checklist of modern tech jargon to prove HP remains on the cutting edge: “Cloud sourcing 2.0 - we have social sharing, we have 4G, 5G, 6G, really all the Gs.” He adds that HP has managed to fit "app" and "all of it in the computer." McKay is also granted access inside HP’s design laboratory, where engineers are filmed testing unconventional development methods, including holding and tossing actual white cotton-like cloud puffs onto keyboards. When an engineer is asked how much overall storage capacity users will receive, he simply answers with absolute confidence: “One thousand.” Wrapping up the segment, McKay notes they will track whether HP's cloud initiative succeeds, before teasing the next episode of *Tech Trends*, which will profile "Body Dew," a new device that syncs with an iPhone to automatically broadcast all bodily functions directly to Facebook.

- Marketed capabilities: Texting, email, Facebook integration, and CD-ROM support. - Network protocols: Full support for 4G, 5G, 6G, and "really all the Gs." - Total capacity metric: Stated plainly as "One thousand" with no accompanying units. - Upcoming coverage: A preview of Body Dew, an iPhone-connected health tracker that posts bodily functions to social media.

## Mentioned Hewlett-Packard, The Onion, Scott McKay, Gary Klinman, Facebook, iPhone, Body Dew, Tech Trends, CD-ROM

## Video description HP announced they're making a new push into cloud computing and that they totally know what that is.

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[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ntPxdWAWq8)

中文简报

惠普进军云计算，宣称支持光盘及“所有G” 惠普声称其专有云平台优于竞争对手，尽管公司代表无法解释该技术的运作方式，仅给出了“一千”这一随意设定的容量。 在《科技趋势》的一期节目中，主播斯科特·麦凯报道了惠普为保持与时俱进所作出的孤注一掷的尝试，即推出“大家都在谈论的那个云玩意儿”。惠普发言人加里·克林曼难以讲清云存储的工作原理，只能借助诸如“云外包2.0”以及拥有“所有G”等空洞的技术黑话来搪塞。广告展示了普通用户通过云端运行CD-ROM光盘的场景，而幕后画面则显示工程师们把真正的棉花球扔在键盘上，并将总容量简短地定义为“一千”。 惠普公司宣布正式进军云计算领域，并在新闻稿中声称其现在提供“大家都在谈论的那个云玩意儿”。 (0:02) 惠普发言人加里·克林曼难以讲清该技术的原理，仅确认拥有电脑、手机或二者兼有的用户可以将内容备份至惠普的云端。 (0:22) 该公司的营销活动宣传该云服务可用于日常任务，包括电子邮件、发短信、Facebook和CD-ROM光盘，同时避开技术解释。 (0:46) 在惠普的测试实验室内部，工程师使用类似云朵的物理棉花球评估云计算，并将总存储容量简述为“一千”。 (1:45)

Original transcript

[0:02] Scott McKay: Hewlett Packard is known for their basic, affordable, no frills [0:04] computers but that doesn't mean they can't keep up with the latest technology. [0:08] In a press release yesterday HP said "We are excited to begin offering that cloud [0:12] thing that everyone is talking about. We definitely have the cloud on our [0:15] computers and it is better than anyone else's cloud." [0:18] Earlier today I sat down with HP's spokesman Gary Klinman who said the [0:21] company couldn't wait to show people "How they do their cloud stuff." [0:25] Gary Klinman: We are absolutely thrilled that now people with computers or phones, [0:33] both, will now be able to back things up to the cloud and that's definitely [0:41] something that people do and they will be doing it with HP. [0:46] Scott McKay: HP is making their cloud technology the centerpiece of a major new [0:48] print and television ad campaign. Male Speaker: HP is the company I've [0:51] always relied on so when I decided to get on my computer on the cloud which is how [0:54] you do it naturally HP was the company I chose. HP's cloud is the perfect tool for [1:00] emails, Facebook, texting, and CD ROMs. How does the cloud work? [1:05] It's so simple and intuitive I don't need to waste your time explaining it. [1:09] Scott McKay: Klinman says it isn't surprising they're "up on the cloud" [1:16] considering they're on the cutting edge of all the latest tech trends. [1:20] Now are there any additional features? Gary Klinman: Cloud sourcing is something [1:24] we are having. Cloud sourcing 2.0 - we have social [1:26] sharing, we have 4G, 5G, 6G, really all the Gs. [1:32] We have app, we have all of it in the computer. Scott McKay: Despite all of their wide [1:37] array of technology HP says they're most excited about the cloud. [1:41] They even let me take a peek at their design laboratory where HP engineers were [1:45] trying out some unique development techniques. So how much capacity will HP's cloud [1:50] users have access to? Male Speaker: One thousand. [1:55] Scott McKay: We'll be watching to see if HP's cloud push pays off. [1:58] Make sure to catch he next Tech Trends when we'll be looking at Body Dew, [2:02] the popular new device that links with your iPhone to post all of your bodily [2:05] functions right to Facebook.