Reagan Directs Secret Arms Operations Behind Bumbling Public Facade

Saturday Night Live

President Ronald Reagan's bumbling public demeanor masks his role as the sole mastermind micro-managing covert arms sales, Swiss financing, and the Tower Commission cover-up.

AI-assisted summary of President Reagan, Mastermind - SNL — original source. Check the original for full context.

Source published: 2013-10-05

Key ideas

President Reagan maintains a deliberate public facade of genial, doddering ignorance regarding the Iran-Contra affair while functioning behind closed doors as an aggressive, all-knowing operational mastermind. (0:00)
Reagan exerts absolute micromanagement over his cabinet, personally coordinating weapons shipments to South Africa, scripting Chief of Staff Donald Regan's resignation, and restricting operational knowledge solely to himself. (0:00)
Displaying savant-like mental math and multilingual fluency, Reagan calculates Swiss bank interest down to the single dollar and negotiates covert arms transactions directly with Middle Eastern contacts. (2:08)
To derail the Tower Commission investigation, Reagan plots to bribe John Tower and drug Edmund Muskie, running all-night foreign wire transfers alone while his cabinet collapses from exhaustion. (4:00)

Detailed notes

## Background Published on YouTube by Saturday Night Live on October 5, 2013, this Season 12 (1986) sketch stars Phil Hartman as President Ronald Reagan. According to the description, the sketch satirizes the administration by showing Reagan acting hopeless and clueless in public while secretly operating as an evil mastermind in private who controls every detail of his government.

## TL;DR In the midst of the Iran-Contra scandal, President Reagan presents a doddering, genial facade of total ignorance to the press, only to transform into a ruthless, micro-managing mastermind the moment the cameras leave. He barks operational commands to bewildered cabinet officials, mentally calculates high-yield interest on covert Swiss bank accounts down to the dollar, and easily speaks foreign languages during high-stakes weapons negotiations. Even when interrupted by a photo op with a Girl Scout or a nostalgic visit from Jimmy Stewart, Reagan smoothly toggles between grandfatherly warmth and icy intimidation before working through the night to manipulate the Tower Commission.

## Atmosphere & style The sketch delivers hilarious, rapid-fire comedic whiplash, alternating between folksy, stammering charm and sharp, cold-blooded executive ruthlessness. Watching Phil Hartman shift on a dime from a smiling, doddering grandfather into a hyper-competent criminal syndicate boss creates relentless, fast-paced satirical tension. The bewildered, exhausted cabinet members and a crushed, stammering Jimmy Stewart serve as great comedic foils to Reagan's frighteningly efficient and solitary night-shift operations.

## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) President Reagan maintains a deliberate public facade of genial, doddering ignorance regarding the Iran-Contra affair while functioning behind closed doors as an aggressive, all-knowing operational mastermind. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) Reagan exerts absolute micromanagement over his cabinet, personally coordinating weapons shipments to South Africa, scripting Chief of Staff Donald Regan's resignation, and restricting operational knowledge solely to himself. - [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Displaying savant-like mental math and multilingual fluency, Reagan calculates Swiss bank interest down to the single dollar and negotiates covert arms transactions directly with Middle Eastern contacts. - [04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) To derail the Tower Commission investigation, Reagan plots to bribe John Tower and drug Edmund Muskie, running all-night foreign wire transfers alone while his cabinet collapses from exhaustion.

## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) Reagan uses an amiable, stammering persona during press conferences to convincingly deflect accountability for the Iran-Nicaragua connection. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) The folksy grandfather facade vanishes the instant the press exits, replaced by a demanding, authoritative executive posture. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) Reagan directs William J. Casey to personally supervise the loading of C-5A transports with TOW missiles and grenade launchers destined for South Africa. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) Donald Regan is forced to resign to take the political fall, with Reagan personally drafting the statement on the office word processor. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) When Caspar Weinberger admits confusion, Reagan reprimands him, asserting that only the President needs to understand the administration's covert actions. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) National Security Advisor Frank Carlucci is briefed on a color-coded global operational map designating countries used for arms sales and money laundering. - [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Reagan treats presidential ceremonial obligations, including photo ops with Girl Scouts, as loathsome interruptions to his covert operations. - [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Reagan executes precise interest calculations in his head for covert millions banked in Zurich, rebuking aides for wasting his time. - [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Reagan demonstrates fluent foreign language skills during a rapid telephone negotiation to finalize an arms deal with Iraqi contacts. - [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Invoking Montesquieu, Reagan justifies withholding operational details from his subordinates to preserve absolute executive power. - [04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) When screen legend Jimmy Stewart attempts to linger during an Oval Office visit, Reagan drops his friendly demeanor and quietly threatens his life. - [04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) Reagan's strategy to evade the Tower Commission includes directly bribing John Tower and drugging Edmund Muskie to incapacitate him through the 1988 election. - [04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) Covert funds are strategically laundered through financier Ivan Boesky to reserve covert capital for operations in Syria and South Yemen. - [04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) At 3:00 a.m., after his entire national security team falls asleep at the conference table, Reagan continues executing Swiss wire transfers in fluent German.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=0s) The Public Facade and the Covert Mastermind

An interviewer wraps up a press session by pressing the President on the unfolding Iran-Contra scandal: “And finally, Mr. President, about the Iran-Nicaraguan connection. Some may wonder which was worse, your knowing or your not knowing.” In public, President Ronald Reagan affects his trademark genial, doddering, and befuddled persona. He tilts his head, stammers amiably, and shrugs off responsibility, insisting, “Well... All I can say is I didn't know. And, well, we're... Trying to find out what happened because... None of us know.” He bids the press farewell with a folksy smile: “Well, I hope I've answered your questions as best I could given the very little that I know. Goodbye, and God bless you.”

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Dual Operational Modes of President Reagan accDescr: Diagram illustrating Reagan's public persona versus his private covert command structure. subgraph Public["Public Persona"] A["Press & Photo Ops"] -->|"Acts clueless and frail"| B["'All I can say is I didn't know.'"] end subgraph Private["Oval Office Mastermind"] C["Advisors & Cabinets"] --> D["Directs Contra logistics"] C --> E["Manages Swiss bank accounts"] C --> F["Orchestrates Tower Commission cover-up"] end ```

The second the reporters clear the doorway, the bumbling grandfather act vanishes instantly. Reagan’s posture straightens, his voice drops to a brisk, commanding clip, and he snaps at his cabinet and national security staff: “Okay, get back in here. All right, let's get down to business. I'm only going to go through this once, so it's essential that you pay attention.” Turning briskly to his team, he fires off precise operational orders: - **William J. Casey:** Ordered to spearhead the new operation to fund the Contras. Reagan instructs that C-5A transport aircraft loaded with TOW anti-tank missiles and grenade launchers will depart for South Africa at 0800 hours sharp, ordering Casey to personally supervise the loading. - **Donald Regan:** Chief of Staff Regan is bluntly told he must step down to take the fall. Reagan explains, “Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to resign. But first you'll make a public statement supporting me, which I wrote myself.” When Regan hesitates over the word processor, Reagan brusquely waves him aside to input the file himself. - **Caspar Weinberger:** Defense Secretary Weinberger voices overwhelmed confusion, asking the President to slow down because there is still so much about the Iran-Nicaragua operation he does not understand. Reagan shuts him down without breaking stride: “And you don't need to understand. I'm the president. Only I need to understand. Is that clear?” - **Frank Carlucci:** Reagan welcomes the newly appointed National Security Advisor to the inner circle and rapidly breaks down their color-coded global operations map: “Carlucci, you're new. Here's how we do things. The red countries are the countries we sell arms to. The green countries are the countries where we wash our money. The blue countries are the...”

[02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) The Girl Scout Interruption and Covert High Finance

Before Reagan can finish explaining the blue countries, an aide interrupts with news of an 11:30 photo opportunity with the little girl who sold the most Girl Scout cookies. Reagan lets out a furious groan, grumbling, “Damn! Okay, let's get it over with. Everybody out! Come on! Move! Move! This is the part of the job I hate.” In an eye blink, he transforms back into the warm, grandfatherly statesman for young Lisa Myers. He chuckles warmly, bends down, and quips, “Well, he says, you're that good a sales lady. Maybe I could use you up on Capitol Hill.” He poses for the camera flash, cheerfully sends her off with a wave, and the exact second the doors close behind her, he barks aggressively, “Back to work!”

Reagan immediately dives into the micro-accounting of covert geopolitical financing without notes, mentally calculating high-yield Swiss deposit returns down to the single dollar. When an aide tries to follow along, Reagan interrupts him to complete the math himself: - Afghanistan requires urgent covert funding, and Reagan notes they have $65.2 million tucked away in Zurich. - Calculating in his head, he notes that holding the sum for another 30 days at 7.28% interest generates roughly $400,000—correcting the aide’s attempt with the exact figure: “397,285. I know. Don't waste my time.” - When considering withdrawing only $20 million, he instantly rattles off the exact lost interest: “121,816. Thank you so much.”

An aide then announces a secure telephone call from Middle Eastern contact Mr. Karan Hassan Fasan. Reagan takes the receiver and breaks into rapid, fluent, guttural foreign dialogue, negotiating vigorously, laughing heartily, and ending with a firm command before slamming down the phone. He turns to the stunned room and coolly reports, “Well, gentlemen, I just concluded a very lucrative deal with the Iraqis.” When an aide expresses concern over what would happen to the administration should anything happen to the President since he is the only human being alive who knows the full picture, Reagan replies unapologetically: “And that's the way it's going to stay. To quote Montesquieu, ‘Power without knowledge is power lost.’”

[04:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=240s) Jimmy Stewart's Visit and the Cover-Up Strategy

An aide interrupts again to announce that screen legend Jimmy Stewart has arrived for an appointment booked two months earlier. Reagan groans in frustration, clears the room once more, and instantly adopts his vintage Hollywood persona, greeting his old friend with a warm “Hello, Jimmy.” Stewart enters, speaking in his iconic stammering drawl, calling the President "Dutch" before catching himself and reminiscing about the great times they shared making movies back in Hollywood.

Reagan exchanges pleasantries for only a matter of seconds before immediately trying to push Stewart out the door. When Stewart innocently offers to stick around and sit in on the meeting, saying it would be educational for him, Reagan drops his friendly facade. His gaze turns icy, his jaw sets, and he issues a quiet, chilling threat: “Jimmy. Don't make me have to kill you.” Stewart recoils in shock and disbelief, stammering about whether Reagan is going to have Secret Service agents blow him away for simply visiting an old friend: “Oh, no. You've changed. You've changed, Dutch. You've really changed... For crying out loud. You've turned into a real jerk. You know that?”

Once Stewart is ushered out, Reagan immediately summons his aides back inside to lay out his master plan for manipulating the Tower Commission (the Special Review Board investigating Iran-Contra): - **John Tower:** The President bluntly states, “We'll buy Tower, bribe him, just flat out buy him.” - **Edmund Muskie:** Reagan instructs his team to drug the former Senator and Secretary of State: “Now, we'll dose Muskie with mood-altering drugs. By the time Muskie knows what day it is, the '88 elections will be over.” - **Covert Funding Routes:** Reagan explains how the money trail will stay obscured: “So if we channel the 72 million through Ivan Boesky, we'll have enough left over for Syria... and South Yemen.”

As Reagan continues outlining the next agenda items, he turns to find that his cabinet secretaries and top advisers—exhausted by the late hour—have all slumped over the table, fast asleep. Reagan sighs with mild resignation, muttering, “Well, just me again. Great. Well, I've been doing it this way for six years. Why should it change now?” Glancing at the clock, he notices it is 3:00 a.m. in Washington, meaning the banks are just opening in Zurich. He picks up the telephone, effortlessly switches into fluent German, and begins conducting covert wire transfers with a banker named Herr Schwarzweiler as the night presses on.

## Notable quotes > [02:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8&t=128s) Power without knowledge is power lost. — President Ronald Reagan

## Mentioned President Ronald Reagan, Phil Hartman, William J. Casey, Donald Regan, Caspar Weinberger, Frank Carlucci, Lisa Myers, Jimmy Stewart, John Tower, Edmund Muskie, Ivan Boesky, Herr Schwarzweiler, Karan Hassan Fasan, Montesquieu, Girl Scouts, Tower Commission, Secret Service, Saturday Night Live

## Video description President Reagan (Phil Hartman) acts hopeless and clueless in public, but in private he's an evil mastermind who knows every detail about everything happening in his administration. [Season 12, 1986]

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[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5wfPlgKFh8)

中文简报

里根在糊涂公众形象背后亲自指挥秘密军火行动罗纳德·里根总统糊涂温和的公众形象，掩盖了他作为幕后唯一操盘手微观管理秘密军售、瑞士资金及塔楼委员会掩盖行动的真实面目。在伊朗门丑闻期间，里根总统在媒体面前表现出一副糊涂温和、对此事一无所知的公众形象，然而镜头一旦移开，他便立刻化身为冷酷无情、事无巨细皆要掌控的幕后操盘手。他向困惑不解的内阁官员厉声下达行动指令，能心算出秘密瑞士银行账户精确到个位数的高额利息，并在高风险的军火谈判中流利地使用外语交谈。即便中途被女童军的合影机会或吉米·斯图尔特的怀旧拜访打断，里根也能在祖父般的温暖与冰冷的威慑之间自如切换，随后通宵达旦地工作以操纵塔楼委员会。在伊朗门事件中，里根总统刻意在公众面前维持温和糊涂、一无所知的形象，但在闭门之后却是一名行事强势、洞悉全局的实际操盘手。 (0:00) 里根对内阁实施绝对的微观管理，亲自协调向南非运送武器，一手安排幕僚长唐纳德·里根辞职的剧本，并将行动细节的知情权严格限制在自己一人手中。 (0:00) 里根展现出天才般的心算能力和多语言流利度，不仅能将瑞士银行的利息精确计算到每一美元，还能直接与中东联络人谈判秘密军火交易。 (2:08) 为阻挠塔楼委员会的调查，里根密谋收买约翰·塔楼并对埃德蒙·马斯基下药；在内阁成员精疲力竭相继倒下之际，他独自一人整夜运作国际电汇。 (4:00)

Reading summary

In Saturday Night Live's satirical portrayal, President Ronald Reagan conceals his role as a hyper-competent covert mastermind behind a cultivated facade of folksy, befuddled ignorance regarding the Iran-Contra affair. The Deliberate Duality of the Reagan Persona (0:00) Before the press, Reagan projects the image of an amiable, doddering grandfather who disclaims all knowledge of the Iran-Nicaragua connection, claiming to reporters that 'none of us know' what happened. The moment the room clears, Reagan straightens his posture and assumes a brisk, authoritative command, dropping the folksy mannerisms entirely. This genial public act serves as a recurring shield. Reagan pivots back into his warm, avuncular persona only when interrupted by routine public relations obligations, such as an 11:30 photo opportunity with a top-selling Girl Scout. However, when Hollywood contemporary Jimmy Stewart lingers and asks to observe the administration's policy discussions, Reagan immediately drops his friendly demeanor and issues an explicit death threat to force Stewart's exit. Covert Operational and Financial Micromanagement (2:08) Behind closed doors, Reagan exercises total unilateral command over covert logistics while keeping his own cabinet largely uninformed. He directs William J. Casey to oversee an 0800 hours shipment of C-5A transport aircraft carrying TOW anti-tank missiles and grenade launchers to South Africa, cuts off Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger's requests for clarification by stating that only the president needs to understand, and introduces National Security Advisor Frank Carlucci to a color-coded map tracking arms sales and money laundering. Reagan demonstrates encyclopedic micro-accounting skills without relying on notes. When addressing urgent Afghan funding, he calculates that holding $65.2 million in Zurich at 7.28% interest generates exactly $397,285 over 30 days, while instantaneously computing lost interest ($121,816) should $20 million be withdrawn early. He also conducts direct, fluent negotiations in foreign languages with Middle Eastern contacts like Karan Hassan Fasan to secure deals with Iraq, justifying his secrecy by quoting Montesquieu: 'Power without knowledge is power lost.' Subverting Oversight and Solitary Governance (4:00) To counter the Tower Commission's investigation into Iran-Contra, Reagan outlines precise strategies to neutralize investigators and insulate himself. He forces Chief of Staff Donald Regan to resign using a pre-written statement of support drafted by Reagan himself. To incapacitate the review board, Reagan plans to bribe John Tower, orders aides to dose Edmund Muskie with mood-altering drugs through the 1988 elections, and plots to route $72 million through Ivan Boesky to fund operations in Syria and South Yemen. When his entire national security staff falls asleep from exhaustion at the conference table, Reagan is unbothered, noting that he has managed the administration this way for six years. At 3:00 a.m., he picks up the telephone to conduct covert wire transfers directly with a Zurich banker named Herr Schwarzweiler, conversing in fluent German to execute the operation entirely alone. The program satirizes the contemporary defense of executive negligence during the Iran-Contra scandal by inverting it, depicting Reagan's public confusion as an elaborate cover story designed to hide an all-knowing, solitary operational commander.

精炼阅读摘要

《周六夜现场》（SNL）的这则政治讽刺短剧构想了一种极端颠覆性的假设：罗纳德·里根（Ronald Reagan）在“伊朗门”丑闻中所表现出的和蔼糊涂与一无所知仅是精心维持的公众伪装，其私下实则是一位算力惊人、冷酷专权且事必躬亲的秘密行动总指挥。公众伪装与闭门集权的瞬间切换 (0:00) 短剧的核心讽刺机制建立在里根瞬间切换的双重人格之上。在面对媒体追问其对“伊朗-尼加拉瓜”秘密交易是否知情时，里根展现出典型的和蔼而困惑的形象，耸肩结巴地声称自己与所有人一样“一无所知”，并以温和的乡土微笑送走记者。然而，门扉关闭的瞬间，他立刻收起虚弱驼背的姿态，嗓音转为严厉干脆的指挥腔调，召集内阁严厉要求全神贯注，宣布自己绝不会重复指令。类似的情节在全片中反复上演：当女童军销售冠军 Lisa Myers 进门合影时，里根瞬间变回慈祥祖父并幽默打趣，但女童军一离开便立即厉声喝令下属重回工作；而当多年老友 Jimmy Stewart 突然来访并因好奇提议旁听会议时，里根甚至瞬间冰冷地发出死亡威胁，警告对方“别逼我不得不除掉你”。绝对集权与对阁员的严密微观管理 (0:00) 在白宫内部的私密会议中，里根对国家安全团队展现出不容置疑的绝对控制，不仅彻底颠覆了外界对其被动无能的印象，更将高级官员高度工具化。他直接命令中央情报局局长 William J. Casey 负责康特拉（Contras）的新一轮注资，并要求其于次日早晨 08:00 亲自督导满载 TOW 反坦克导弹和榴弹发射器的 C-5A 运输机飞往南非。面对幕僚长 Donald Regan，里根毫不留情地要求其辞职替罪，并亲自在文字处理机上代写其支持总统的公开声明。此外，当国防部长 Caspar Weinberger 因信息庞杂而表达困惑并请求放慢节奏时，里根直截了当地斥责其“无需理解”，宣称整个政府中只有身为总统的自己才有权掌握全貌；随后，他又向新任国家安全顾问 Frank Carlucci 快速解析以颜色标注的全球行动地图，将世界直白地划分为军火出售国与洗钱国。惊人心算、秘密资金链与多语种外交 (2:08) 短剧通过对复杂地缘政治融资的精准微观管理，展现了里根惊人的专业算力与跨国操控能力。在讨论阿富汗秘密资金缺口时，里根完全脱稿，凭心算准确指出苏黎世秘密账户中存有 6520 万美元，并在下属试图计算利息时迅速打断对方，精确报出若以 7.28% 年利率多存 30 天将产生 397,285 美元收益；即便仅支取 2000 万美元，他也立即心算出所损失的利息为 121,816 美元。在外交与资金联络方面，里根在接听中东联络人 Karan Hassan Fasan 的加密电话时，无缝切换为流利的中东语言进行激烈讨价还价，并随后向震惊的内阁宣布与伊拉克达成了一笔极其丰厚的交易。面对幕僚对其独揽大权可能带来行政风险的担忧，里根援引孟德斯鸠（Montesquieu）的名言“失去知情权的权力即是丧失的权力”予以回绝。夜深人静且全体阁员疲惫熟睡后，他于凌晨 03:00 准时用流利的德语致电苏黎世银行家 Schwarzweiler 先生，独立开展跨境电汇操作。瓦解调查机制与洗钱分流网络 (4:00) 针对专门调查伊朗门事件的塔委委员会（Tower Commission），里根制定了一套极尽冷酷且非法化的反调查预案。他明确指示下属直接对委员会主席 John Tower 实施巨额贿赂；针对前参议员兼国务卿 Edmund Muskie，里根则下令对其使用精神药物，以使其陷入神志不清的状态，直至拖延渡过 1988 年总统大选。在遮蔽资金流向方面，里根详细构想了复杂的洗钱网络，计划将 7200 万美元经由金融家 Ivan Boesky 进行渠道分流，从而在掩盖资金痕迹的同时，为叙利亚和南也门的秘密行动保留充足经费。短剧通过将里根重塑为一个集超凡智力、冷酷政治手腕与精湛演技于一身的秘密操盘手，以极致的戏剧夸张反讽了现实中白宫以“不知情”规避国会监督的辩护策略，凸显了冷战时期行政集权与政治问责制之间的荒诞张力。

Source quotes

[2:08] President Ronald Reagan: Power without knowledge is power lost.

Original transcript

[0:00] Music. And finally, Mr. President, about the Iran-Nicaraguan connection. Some may wonder which was worse, your knowing or your not knowing. Well... All I can say is I didn't know. And, well, we're... Trying to find out what happened because... - None of us know. Well, thank you, Mr. President. Well, I hope I've answered your questions as best I could. given the very little that I know. Goodbye, and God bless you. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you very much. Thank you. Okay, get back in here. All right, let's get down to business. I'm only going to go through this once, so it's essential that you pay attention. - Juan, Casey. - Yes, sir. You'll spearhead our new operation to fund the Contras. The C-5As with the tow missiles and grenade launchers will leave for South Africa at 0800 hours. I want you to supervise the loading. - To Regan. - Yes, sir. Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to resign. But first you'll make a public statement supporting me, which I wrote myself. It's over there on the word processor. Just key in and press file. The code name is... Oh, all right. I'll do it for you. Now, any questions? Casper. Mr. President, you're going so fast. There's still a lot about the Iran-Nicaragua operation. I just don't understand. And you don't need to understand. I'm the president. Only I need to understand. Is that clear? Yes, sir. All right. Carlucci, you're new. Here's how we do things. The red countries are the countries we sell arms to. The green countries are the countries where we wash our money. The blue countries are the... Excuse me, Mr. President, sir? Yes. It's your 11.30 photo opportunity, the little girl who sold the most Girl Scout cookies. Damn! Okay, let's get it over with. Everybody out! Come on! Move! Move! This is the part of the job I hate. Well... Hello, little girl. What's your name? Lisa Myers. Well, he says, you're that good as sales lady. Maybe I could use you up on Capitol Hill. Well, it was nice meeting you. Come on, Lisa. Come on. Bye-bye. Thank you. Ha, ha, ha. Back to work! Afghanistan needs more money. We've got 65.2 million tucked away in Zurich. Now, if we hold it there for another 30 days at 7.28% interest, that's roughly $400,000. 397,200... And 85. I know. Don't waste my time. But if we take out only 20 million, we'll lose roughly, let's see, that's... 121,800... And 16. Thank you so much. Yes? Mr. President, it's Mr. Karan Hassan Fasan. Ah, put him on the stick. Thank you. - - Do not be a Jav. Bukaraka-rakasha. Ha ha ha. Makkalena ho, makkalani hai. Ha ha ha! Maka Johnny Ho! What's that? That's hell. Well, gentlemen, I just concluded a very lucrative deal with the Iraqis. Mr. President, it just occurred to me. What if something should happen to you? You're the only one who knows what's going on. And that's the way it's going to stay. To quote Montesquieu, Power without knowledge is power lost. Mr. President. Yes, it's Jimmy Stewart. Oh, damn, now. He says he's had an appointment with you for two months now. All right, all right. Let's get on with it. Everybody out. Thank you. Hello, Jimmy. Well, hi, Dutch. How are you? Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. President. You know, I have the hardest time getting youth to that. Well, we sure had great times back in Hollywood. Well, you can say that again, Dutch. We certainly did, yeah. Well... It was... Good seeing you, Jimmy. What are you talking about? I just got here for crying out loud. Well, I know, but I have... Well, a meeting. Well, that's just great. That's just great. I'll just stick around. That's it. I'll just stick around, and it'll be educational for me. Yeah. Well, Jimmy, I'm sorry you can't stay. Oh, come on, Dutch! Jimmy. Don't make me have to kill you. Kill me? What do you kill me? What are you? What sense, what is it a crime to visit [5:00] Fran. I mean, what are you gonna do? Have your Secret Service boys come in here and just blow me away? Oh, no. You've changed. You've changed, Dutch. You've really changed. Oh, Jimmy, please try to understand. Try it out loud. You've turned into a real jerk. You know that? Please, Jimmy. Okay, good. Thank you. All right. Now listen, I want to discuss the cover-up. Here's my plan. The NSC Review Board. We'll buy Tower, bribe him, just flat out buy him. Now, we'll dose Muskie with mood-altering drugs. By the time Muskie knows what day it is, the 88 elections will be over. . So if we channel the 72 million through Ivan Bosky We'll have enough left over for Syria... and South Yemen. Now, the next point on the agenda is... Ed... Donald. Hello? Well, just me again. Great. Well, I've been doing it this way for six years. Why should it change now? 3 a.m. Banks will be opening in Zurich right about now. Ah, good day, Herr Schwarzweiler. How do you go to the wagon? We'll see you next time.