Shrek Retold - Full Movie

Shrek Retold - Full Movie — 3GI

3GI

AI-assisted summary of Shrek Retold - Full Movie — original source. Check the original for full context.

Source published:

Key ideas

  • Over 200 independent animators and filmmakers collaborated to produce a scene-for-scene crowdsourced remake of the 2001 classic Shrek, alternating through 2D, 3D CGI, claymation, and live-action formats. (0:03)
  • Lord Farquaad deports fairytale refugees to Shrek's swamp and subsequently promises to restore the ogre's solitary land only if Shrek rescues Princess Fiona from a dragon-guarded keep. (25:05)
  • A tragic misunderstanding fractures Shrek and Fiona's romance when Shrek overhears Fiona lamenting her own nighttime ogre curse and mistakenly assumes she is calling him a hideous beast. (63:19)
  • Shrek interrupts the royal wedding at sunset, where Fiona's ogre form is exposed, Dragon devours Farquaad, and true love's kiss permanently locks Fiona into her ogre form. (77:30)

Detailed notes

## Background Published by 3GI on YouTube on November 30, 2018, 'Shrek Retold' is a crowdsourced, feature-length reimagining of the 2001 animated film Shrek. The project brings together over 200 independent artists and filmmakers who each retell a portion of the fairytale classic scene-for-scene in their own distinct visual style.

## TL;DR When the tyrannical Lord Farquaad deports fairytale refugees into Shrek's secluded swamp, the solitary ogre strikes a deal to rescue Princess Fiona from a dragon-guarded keep in exchange for regaining his land. Accompanied by a chatty Donkey, Shrek frees Fiona, only for the two to form an unexpected romantic connection while Fiona secretly conceals her nocturnal ogre curse. After a tragic misunderstanding leads Fiona to the altar with Farquaad, Shrek and Donkey crash the Duloc wedding to declare his feelings. Fiona reveals her true ogre form, the dragon dispatches Farquaad, and true love's first kiss permanently transforms Fiona into an ogre, culminating in a celebratory swamp wedding.

## Atmosphere & style The presentation is a chaotic, kaleidoscopic, and irreverent fever dream that rapidly shifts between live-action skits, claymation, 3D CGI, and disparate hand-drawn animation styles. It crackles with self-aware internet meme culture and unhinged humor, punctuated by creator confessions and surreal stylistic pivots. Beneath the relentless visual whiplash, however, the production maintains an earnest, communal warmth and genuine reverence for the emotional core of the original film.

## Bulletin - [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) Over 200 independent animators and filmmakers collaborated to produce a scene-for-scene crowdsourced remake of the 2001 classic Shrek, alternating through 2D, 3D CGI, claymation, and live-action formats. - [25:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1505s) Lord Farquaad deports fairytale refugees to Shrek's swamp and subsequently promises to restore the ogre's solitary land only if Shrek rescues Princess Fiona from a dragon-guarded keep. - [01:03:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3799s) A tragic misunderstanding fractures Shrek and Fiona's romance when Shrek overhears Fiona lamenting her own nighttime ogre curse and mistakenly assumes she is calling him a hideous beast. - [01:17:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4650s) Shrek interrupts the royal wedding at sunset, where Fiona's ogre form is exposed, Dragon devours Farquaad, and true love's kiss permanently locks Fiona into her ogre form.

## Key takeaways - [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) Shrek Retold adapts the original 2001 animated film into a full-length, scene-by-scene collective project created by more than 200 artists using diverse visual mediums. - [05:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=309s) Lord Farquaad's regime rounds up non-human fairytale creatures for cash bounties, categorizing them as contraband and exiling them into Shrek's swamp. - [07:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=427s) Donkey escapes Farquaad's guards with the aid of accidental pixie dust and attaches himself to Shrek, unbothered by the ogre's frightening demeanor. - [16:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=996s) The Magic Mirror reveals that Farquaad cannot become a legitimate king without marrying an eligible princess, leading him to choose Princess Fiona while ignoring warnings about sunset. - [20:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1214s) After Shrek overpowers Farquaad's knights in a Duloc arena melee, Farquaad offers to return Shrek's swamp in exchange for retrieving Fiona from the dragon's lair. - [25:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1505s) Shrek defends his inner complexity with the 'ogres are like onions' metaphor, arguing that ogres possess hidden emotional layers despite Donkey's preference for parfaits. - [31:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1886s) Cornered inside the fortress, Donkey averts incineration by flattering the female dragon with romantic banter and stalling tactics. - [35:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2147s) Fiona's theatrical fairytale rescue expectations are shattered by Shrek's hurried, non-traditional extraction and the revelation that her rescuer is an ogre rather than her intended prince. - [44:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2688s) Shrek confesses to Donkey that his desire to build a perimeter wall stems from a lifetime of people prejudging, mocking, and fleeing him before knowing him. - [48:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2908s) Fiona surprises Shrek and Donkey by using martial arts to single-handedly incapacitate Robin Hood and his Merry Men when they attempt an unwanted ambush. - [01:00:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3652s) Fiona confides her secret curse to Donkey: cast under a witch's spell, she turns into an ogre every sunset until true love's first kiss takes love's true form. - [01:03:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3799s) Shrek abandons an intended romantic confession after overhearing Fiona speak of being an unlovable, hideous beast, falsely believing her words were targeted at him. - [01:06:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3970s) Farquaad collects Fiona at dawn and delivers the deed to the swamp to Shrek, leaving both Shrek and Fiona heartbroken as wedding preparations begin. - [01:09:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4149s) A live-action confessional interlude during the 'Hallelujah' montage features project contributor J-man satirically claiming he had never watched Shrek before contributing. - [01:14:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4469s) Shrek crashes the royal wedding in Duloc to object, telling Fiona that Farquaad is merely marrying her for a crown rather than true love. - [01:17:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4650s) As the sun sets, Fiona transforms into an ogre before the congregation; Farquaad attempts to banish her, but Donkey arrives with Dragon, who eats the tyrant whole. - [01:19:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4759s) True love's first kiss between Shrek and Fiona permanently fixes her in ogre form, which Shrek lovingly embraces as beautiful. - [01:20:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4851s) The collaborative film concludes with an eclectic swamp wedding celebration set to Smash Mouth's cover of 'I'm a Believer,' followed by full contributor credits.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) Introduction and the Crowd-Sourced Remake

The retelling opens with a mythic prologue establishing the cultural legacy of the 2001 animated film *Shrek*. Celebrated for its subversive humor, realistic bodily sounds, and heartfelt emotional core, the story gained a fanatical following that drew devotees together from far and wide. Driven by this communal obsession, over 200 independent artists and filmmakers collaborated to produce a scene-for-scene reimagining, where each contributor brought their unique animation or live-action style into a single unified whole.

The high-minded fairytale narration abruptly shatters with a cynical scoff echoing the original film's opening: “yeah right like that could ever happen what a load of—” before transitioning straight into Smash Mouth's anthem “All Star.” Through shifting visual mediums, the sequence depicts Shrek's solitary morning routine in his swamp.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Shrek Retold Project Origin accDescr: Visual flowchart outlining the inspiration and collaborative creation of Shrek Retold. A["Original Cult Classic (2001)"] --> B["Global Fanbase & Shrekfest Gatherings"] B --> C["Over 200 Diverse Storytellers Assemble"] C --> D["Scene-for-Scene Crowdsourced Film: Shrek Retold"] ```

[02:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=170s) The Villagers' Mob and the Swamp Defense

A band of angry pitchfork-wielding villagers gathers their courage in the dark woods to storm the ogre's swamp. Hesitating at the edge of his property, they hype themselves up with horrific folklore about what ogres do to humans, trading warnings that an ogre will grind their bones to make bread. Shrek creeps up behind them and casually corrects their mythology, noting that bone-grinding is actually what giants do: “now ogres oh they're much worse they'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin they'll shave your liver squeeze the jelly from your eyes actually it's quite good on toast.”

When a frightened villager thrusts a torch and warns him to stay back, Shrek roars directly in their faces, extinguishing the fire with his breath. As the terrified men freeze, Shrek whispers, “this is the part where you run away.” The villagers scatter into the night while Shrek gleefully shouts after them to stay out of his swamp.

[05:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=309s) The Fairy Tale Creature Bounty and Meeting Donkey

Elsewhere in the realm, Lord Farquaad's guards hold an outdoor processing depot where fairytale creatures are forcibly turned in for cash bounties. An elderly woman brings forth a stubborn Donkey, insisting she has a talking animal worth ten shillings. Under pressure, Donkey freezes and refuses to utter a sound, prompting the exasperated guard to demand the guards take her away.

During the struggle, a floating pixie cage breaks, scattering pixie dust over Donkey. Instantly buoyant, Donkey floats up into the air singing, “you may have seen a house fly maybe even a single one but i bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!” Once the dust wears off, Donkey drops to the ground and sprints into the swamp to escape the guards.

- Bounty value offered for a genuine talking animal: ten shillings. - Farquaad's forces categorize non-human beings as contraband to be cataloged and deported. - Donkey escapes arrest through accidental exposure to airborne pixie dust.

[07:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=427s) The Resettlement Guard and Donkey's Unwanted Friendship

Farquaad's guards corner Donkey deep in the woods, only to bump directly into Shrek. A guard attempts to wield authority by announcing, “you there ogre i by the order of lord farquaad i am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a resettlement facility.” Shrek dismisses the command with a deadpan, “oh really you and what army,” prompting the intimidated guards to flee immediately.

Amazed by Shrek's casual intimidation, Donkey begins trailing him relentlessly, showering him with manic chatter and comparing the encounter to babes in the woods. Shrek urges him to take his newfound freedom and celebrate with his own peers, but Donkey admits he has no friends and breaks into an impromptu musical performance: “i'm all alone there's no one here beside me my problems have all gone there's no one to derive me but you gotta have friends.” Shrek orders him to shut up, telling him it is obvious why he lacks companions.

When Shrek demands Donkey look at him and realize he is a terrifying ogre that provokes angry mobs with torches, Donkey shrugs it off without fear. Impressed by Donkey's complete lack of prejudice, Shrek allows Donkey to accompany him to his front yard, where Donkey admires the landscape and declares, “i like that boulder that's a nice boulder.” When Shrek refuses to let him sleep inside the cottage, Donkey settles for staying outside, eagerly calling out, “in the morning i'm making waffles!”

[11:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=682s) Invasion of the Swamp by Evicted Fairytale Creatures

Night falls, but Shrek's quiet evening is completely upended. He discovers his swamp overrun by hordes of displaced fairytale refugees dumped there by Farquaad's regime. In his home and across his property, various characters unpack their belongings in chaotic live-action, puppetry, and animated vignettes:

```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: Swamp Displacement Chain of Events accDescr: Flowchart detailing the movement of fairytale creatures from Duloc to Shrek's swamp. subgraph Eviction ["Duloc Authority"] A["Lord Farquaad"] -->|"Issues deportation decree"| B["Palace Guards"] end subgraph Invasion ["The Swamp"] B -->|"Exiles creatures"| C["Swamp Property"] C --> D["Three Blind Mice"] C --> E["Three Bears & Wolves"] C --> F["Pinocchio & Others"] end Invasion -->|"Disrupts peace"| G["Confrontation with Shrek"] ```

The Three Blind Mice scurry over Shrek's table and food, blind and unapologetic. When Shrek storms outside demanding everyone leave his property, the refugees explain that they did not choose to settle there; Lord Farquaad forced them out of their homes under threat of violence. When Shrek asks if anyone knows where this Farquaad can be found, only Donkey steps up to volunteer directions. Realizing his peaceful isolation is ruined until the decree is reversed, Shrek vows: “in fact i'm going to see this guy farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from.”

[16:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=996s) Farquaad's Interrogation and the Magic Mirror's Dating Game

Inside the dungeons of Duloc, Lord Farquaad interrogates Gingy, the Gingerbread Man, seeking the whereabouts of remaining fairytale creatures. He subjects Gingy to cruel torment, tearing off his legs and threatening his frosting gumdrop buttons. Farquaad snaps, “i'm not the monster here you are you and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world now tell me where are the others.” Gingy stalls for time with the famous nursery rhyme exchange:

> “do you know the muffin man” > “the muffin man” > “the muffin man” > “yes i know the muffin man who lives on drury lane” > “well she's married to the muffin man”

The interrogation ends when guards enter carrying the captive Magic Mirror. Farquaad demands the mirror proclaim his realm the finest in existence, but the Mirror explains a technicality: Farquaad cannot rule a true kingdom until he marries an eligible princess. The Mirror then presents three potential brides in a retro game show bachelorette format:

1. **Bachelorette Number One:** Cinderella, a cloistered housekeeper from a distant land who enjoys sushi and hot tubs. 2. **Bachelorette Number Two:** Snow White, a girl from a land of fancy who cohabitates with seven men and awaits true love's awakening kiss. 3. **Bachelorette Number Three:** Princess Fiona, a fiery redhead trapped inside a dragon-guarded, lava-ringed tower who likes piña coladas and rain.

Farquaad excitedly selects Fiona without letting the Mirror finish a critical warning about what happens to her after sunset: “silence i will make this princess fiona my queen and dulac will finally have the perfect king captain assemble your finest men we're gonna have a freaking tournament.”

[20:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1214s) Arrival at Duloc and the Arena Tournament

Shrek and Donkey arrive outside the gates of Duloc, gazing upon the colossal, pristine architecture of Farquaad's towering fortress. Marveling at the massive vertical scale of the castle, Shrek quips, “do you think maybe he's compensating for something?” Entering the city plaza, they find the streets unnervingly deserted until they activate a mechanical welcome booth that sings an automated informational greeting.

They follow ambient sounds to the royal arena, where Farquaad is addressing a massive assembly of armored knights. Farquaad announces that whoever wins the day's tournament will receive the grand privilege of journeying to rescue Princess Fiona, cynically adding to his troops: “some of you may die but that is a risk i am willing to take.”

When Shrek and Donkey wander into the center of the ring, Farquaad halts the proceedings in disgust. Denouncing the ogre as hideous, Farquaad changes the rules on the spot, ordering the entire legion of knights to slaughter the intruder. A chaotic wrestling melee unfolds across diverse visual styles—ranging from pixelated video game sprites to hand-drawn animation and live-action skits. Shrek easily overpowers the knights using professional wrestling moves, body slams, and prop barrels, delighting the spectator crowd.

[25:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1505s) The Deal for the Swamp and the Nature of Ogres

After Shrek decisively neutralizes the royal guard, the spectators erupt in cheers. Farquaad accepts the crowd's adulation and declares Shrek the tournament's official champion. He offers Shrek the honor of a noble quest, but Shrek cuts him off: “i'm already out of quest a quest to get my swamp back your swamp yeah my swamp where you dump those fairytale creatures.” Recognizing an expedient solution, Farquaad strikes a bargain: if Shrek rescues Princess Fiona from the dragon's keep, Farquaad will immediately clear the swamp and restore Shrek's home to its original solitary condition.

Departing Duloc on the long road to the dragon's lair, Donkey questions Shrek's logic: “okay let me get this straight you're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because you filled it full of freaks in the first place is that about right?” Donkey suggests Shrek simply use brute force—besieging Farquaad's castle and laying waste to his army instead of running errands for him.

Shrek retorts with grim sarcasm, asking if Donkey would prefer he decapitate entire villages and drink their bodily fluids. He insists that ogres possess hidden depth: “for your information there's a lot more to ogres than people think.” Shrek introduces his metaphor:

> “ogres are like onions” > “they stink” > “yes no” > “oh they make you cry” > “no” > “oh you leave them out in the sun they get all brown start sprouting little white hair” > “no layers onions have layers ogres have layers onions have layers did you get it we both have layers”

Donkey rejects the comparison, observing that people generally dislike onions, and suggests cakes or parfaits instead since everyone loves parfaits. Shrek angrily dismisses Donkey's desserts, insisting on his original analogy as they continue their trek toward the fiery keep.

[27:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1671s) The Parfait Argument, Brimstone, and the Rickety Bridge

As their journey leads them toward the dragon’s keep, Donkey continues his obsessive musings on desserts, insisting that everybody loves parfaits because they come in layers and taste incredible. Shrek quickly loses his patience with the sweet-treat analogies, cutting Donkey off abruptly: “No, you dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See you later!” Donkey remains unconvinced, rambling about how just the word parfait makes him salivate, only to be stopped in his tracks by a foul stench hanging heavily in the air. When Donkey immediately accuses Shrek of passing gas without fair warning, Shrek dryly counters that if it had been him, Donkey would already be dead; the pungent odor is brimstone, signaling that the volcano and the fortress are directly ahead.

Approaching the jagged caldera, Donkey gazes out over the apocalyptic landscape and begins second-guessing the entire operation. He sheepishly confesses that unlike ogres, donkeys do not possess layers, explaining instead that they wear their fear right out on their sleeves. His terror reaches a boiling point when confronted with a narrow, rotted rope bridge swaying precariously over a bubbling lake of molten lava. While Shrek offers sarcastic emotional support from right behind him, Donkey freezes midway across, paralyzed by the yawning chasm below and pleading to turn back toward the safety of the half he already traversed. Shrek, having no patience for a retreat, begins violently jostling and bouncing the bridge, compelling a shrieking Donkey forward until they both tumble safely onto the solid stone landing of the fortress grounds, where Shrek mutters, “Oh, that’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.”

- Donkey claims parfaits are undeniably the most delicious thing on the whole planet and notes that his mouth was wide open when the stench hit. - The rickety bridge spans directly over boiling red lava, which Donkey describes as an utterly unacceptable location for a rescue. - Shrek forces Donkey to move forward by deliberately rocking the bridge cables while playfully mocking Donkey’s plea for a dance.

---

[31:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1886s) Infiltrating the Keep and Donkey Charms the Dragon

Standing in the courtyard of the decaying castle, Donkey inquires about the whereabouts of the fire-breathing pain in the neck, only for Shrek to clarify that the princess is waiting inside while Donkey was actually referring to the dragon. Both attempt to mask their apprehension, with Donkey rationalizing that fear is merely a sensible, healthy biological response to an unfamiliar, lethal situation involving a beast that eats knights. Needing to divide and conquer, Shrek instructs Donkey to search for stairs, reasoning from fairytales he once read that a princess is invariably kept in the highest room of the tallest tower. Donkey gladly volunteers for stair duty, hyping himself up as an expert stair stepper ready to conquer any flight in his path.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Dragon Keep Infiltration and Rescue Route accDescr: A flowchart mapping Shrek and Donkey's mission through the castle from entry to escape.

subgraph KeepEntry ["Infiltration"] A["Castle Courtyard"] --> B{"Divide and Conquer"} B -->|"Stair Duty"| C["Donkey seeks stairs"] B -->|"Rescue Mission"| D["Shrek seeks princess"] end

subgraph Confrontation ["Encounters"] C --> E["Dragon ambushes Donkey"] E --> F["Donkey flatters Dragon"] D --> G["Shrek finds Fiona in tower"] end

subgraph TheEscape ["Escape"] G --> H["Shrek grabs Fiona"] F --> I["Shrek tackles Dragon with collar"] H --> J["Castle Exit Slide"] I --> J end ```

The plan goes sideways almost immediately when the monstrous dragon lunges from the shadows, cornering Donkey amidst piles of charred armor and smoldering bones. Terrified and running for his life, Donkey suddenly catches a glimpse of the dragon’s fluttering eyelashes and heavy makeup, abruptly shifting gears from prey to smooth-talking suitor. Desperate to keep from being incinerated, he showers the beast with compliments: “Oh, sure! I mean, of course you’re a girl dragon! You’re just reeking of feminine beauty!” When the dragon becomes visibly smitten and begins nuzzling him affectionately, Donkey hurriedly tries to set boundaries, claiming he is an asthmatic who is emotionally unprepared for a commitment of this magnitude, desperately suggesting they start slow as casual pen pals instead.

- Shrek explains the layout of fairytale castles based solely on a storybook he read once. - Donkey boasts that he will whip the stairs' butts and step all over them before stumbling directly into the dragon's lair. - Donkey uses flattery, romantic stalling tactics, and a fake medical condition to avoid being eaten alive or scorched by dragon fire.

---

[35:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2147s) Rescuing Princess Fiona and Escaping the Castle

High in the tower, Shrek barges into Princess Fiona’s chambers while donning a full suit of knightly armor. Fiona instantly strikes a practiced, fairy-tale pose upon her bed, expecting an elaborate, scripted encounter, declaring dramatically that she has been awaiting a champion bold enough to rescue her. To her bewilderment, Shrek grabs her by the wrist and tells her to hurry up because there is simply no time for pleasantries. Fiona protests that their first meeting should be swept along by romance, urging him to recite an epic poem, a ballad, a sonnet, or a limerick before sweeping her out the window onto a noble steed. Shrek brushes her theatrical expectations aside, flatly answering her demands with pragmatism: “Yeah, sorry lady, there’s no time.”

When Fiona discovers that Shrek has not actually slain the dragon, he merely quips that it remains on his to-do list. Shocked by his blatant disregard for traditional knightly protocol, she demands to know what kind of knight he is, to which Shrek replies that he is one of a kind before rushing off toward the dragon’s roar to retrieve Donkey. Down below, the amorous dragon has trapped Donkey in a close embrace until Shrek intervenes, using a giant iron collar and chain to tether the beast securely around a stone pillar. Grabbing Fiona and Donkey, Shrek slides down the dragon’s tail and races out the crumbling castle gates just as the chained dragon bellows in frustration behind them.

- Fiona offers Shrek her favor as a token of gratitude, which he takes offhandedly without ceremonial reverence. - Fiona argues that all the other knights charged in with drawn swords and banners flying, to which Shrek points out they promptly burst into flames. - Shrek prioritizes saving Donkey, cheekily announcing, “Well, I have to save my ass!” as he dives into the fray.

---

[41:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2471s) The Helmet Comes Off and Fiona's Disappointment

Safely outside the castle walls, Fiona catches her breath and reflects on what she believes to be her destiny: a beautiful princess locked in a tower, rescued by a dashing knight, culminating in true love's first kiss. Donkey bursts into uncontrollable laughter at the notion that Shrek could be anyone's true love, prompting Fiona to sternly command her rescuer to take off his helmet so she may look upon the face of her champion. Shrek resists, warning her that he is definitely not her type and that removing the armor is an awful idea, but Fiona insists until he finally complies, revealing his green ogre face. Horrified by the revelation, she exclaims that everything is wrong because her rescuer is not supposed to be a monster.

Shrek bluntness cuts through her fairytale fantasies as he explains that he was merely contracted by Lord Farquaad to bring her back so that Farquaad can marry her. When Fiona questions why Farquaad did not bother to come himself, Shrek tells her that is a question best saved for when they arrive in Duloc. Stubbornly refusing to budge, Fiona declares she will wait right there until her true love arrives to perform a proper rescue, stating her royal disdain for being delivered like a package. Shrek has zero interest in indulging her tantrum, hoisting her effortlessly over his broad shoulder like a sack of potatoes as he bellows, “Hey, I’m nobody’s messenger boy, alright? I’m a delivery boy!”

As the trio sets off down the mountain path, Donkey tries to solicit advice about romance, wondering how one gently breaks the news to a female pursuer that she is not their true love without ending up roasted and eaten. Meanwhile, the scene transitions into an irreverent parody sequence featuring chaotic, surreal roasts directed at Lord Farquaad. The commentary mocks the ruler of Duloc as an absurd, tiny tyrant, ridiculing his three-foot stature, his outlandish outfits, and his haughty disposition while asserting that he belongs in a coffin rather than on a throne.

- Fiona insists on waiting in place so she can be rescued according to strict fairytale tradition by her true love. - Shrek ignores her protests about dignity and physically carries her kicking and screaming down the path toward Duloc. - Donkey expresses genuine anxiety over how to handle the dragon's intense affection if she ever manages to track him down.

---

[44:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2688s) Campfire Night: Constellations and Emotional Walls

As night falls, the travelers establish camp near a clearing, where Shrek constructs a makeshift private shelter out of bark and fallen timber for Fiona. Though Donkey questions whether a rough cave is fit for a princess, Fiona graciously bids them good night, shutting her temporary door behind her. Outside by the fire, Donkey gazes up at the night sky and asks Shrek if the stars can reveal his future. Shrek explains that stars do not foretell the future but instead tell ancestral stories, pointing out legendary ogre constellations like Throwback, the only ogre to spit across three wheat fields, and Bloodnut the Flatulent, who was renowned for clearing out crowds of terrified hunters.

``` +-------------------------------------------------------------+ | SHREK'S OGRE CONSTELLATIONS | +--------------------------+----------------------------------+ | Constellation Name | Legendary Achievement | +--------------------------+----------------------------------+ | Throwback | Spat clean across 3 wheat fields | | Bloodnut the Flatulent | Cleared out crowds of hunters | | Gabby the Annoying | Tiny star teased as Donkey | +--------------------------+----------------------------------+ ```

The playful mood turns somber when Donkey innocently asks when they will get "our swamp" back after the quest concludes. Shrek bristles immediately at the phrase, firmly informing Donkey that there is no "our," only "me and my swamp," announcing his intention to build a ten-foot wall to seal off his land completely. Sensing Shrek's deep emotional defensiveness, Donkey presses him on why he is so desperate to shut out the rest of the world. Shrek finally drops his guard and bares his soul regarding the prejudice he faces every single day: “Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, ‘Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!’ They judge me before they even know me. That’s why I’m better off alone.” Moved by Shrek's vulnerability, Donkey gently reassures him that he never saw him as just an ugly monster when they first crossed paths.

- Shrek invents constellation stories around famous ogres to pass the time under the stars. - Donkey accurately identifies Shrek's proposed ten-foot perimeter wall as an emotional barrier designed to keep people out. - Shrek reveals that his isolationist attitude stems from people judging and fleeing from his appearance before ever speaking to him.

---

[48:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2908s) Farquaad's Bedtime Rewind and Morning with Robin Hood

The scene shifts briefly to the opulent bedchamber of Lord Farquaad in Duloc. Lounging under zebra-print covers and sipping a drink, the diminutive lord snaps his fingers and demands of the Magic Mirror on the wall, “Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.” The mirror reluctantly rewinds and replays glowing footage of Princess Fiona, which Farquaad ogles with sleazy delight, basking in the prospect of securing his crown through their impending nuptials.

By sunrise, Fiona is up early at the campsite, preparing breakfast over the fire by frying wild bird eggs for the party. When she lets out an enormous, reverberating burp, Donkey is visibly grossed out, but Shrek instantly smiles in approval. Fiona casually explains her manners with folksy wisdom: “What? It’s a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.” Shrek enthusiastically agrees with the sentiment, remarking that Fiona is not quite the delicate princess he originally expected, which prompts Fiona to remind him that people shouldn't be judged before you get to know them.

Their budding rapport is abruptly shattered by a flamboyant stranger swinging down from the canopy. It is Monsieur Hood—Robin Hood—accompanied by his Merry Men, who dramatically attempts to "liberate" Fiona from the clutches of the green monster. Robin Hood launches into an elaborate, self-absorbed musical number alongside his men, bragging about stealing from the rich, giving to the needy, and pursuing romantic conquests. While Shrek tries to ward off the intruder and Donkey watches in bewilderment, Fiona’s patience wears completely thin as the song drags on, preparing to take matters into her own hands to end their theatrical shenanigans once and for all.

- Farquaad spends his evening in bed repeatedly watching footage of Fiona in the Magic Mirror. - Fiona wins Shrek's admiration over breakfast by matching his crude humor and casually burping without shame. - Robin Hood interrupts their journey with an arrogant musical performance detailing his exploits and desire to get laid.

[53:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3180s) The Arrow in Shrek's Butt and Donkey's Panic

Following the chaotic brawl in the woods, Fiona leaves Shrek and Donkey impressed by her combat prowess. When Shrek asks where on earth she learned martial arts, Fiona casually explains that when one lives alone, one must learn self-defense. The moment is abruptly cut short when she spots an arrow lodged squarely in Shrek’s backside. Shrek inspects it casually, but the sight throws Donkey into a state of hysterical meltdown. Donkey immediately assumes Shrek is infected, on the brink of death, and starts frantically shouting for someone to elevate his legs, turn his head, cough, or perform the Heimlich maneuver.

Desperate to get Donkey out of the way so she can perform field surgery, Fiona hatches a quick excuse. She instructs Donkey to sprint into the forest and retrieve a blue flower with red thorns. Once Donkey scampers off on his botanical errand, Shrek prepares for the removal, warning that it is tender back there. Fiona tries to grab the arrow while Shrek squirms and protests, leading to an awkward, flailing struggle as they wrestle on the ground right when Donkey returns, muttering to himself about how finding blue flowers with red thorns is substantially easier than being colorblind. Donkey catches them in what looks like a compromising position, immediately assuming he walked in on a private romantic encounter.

- Fiona sends Donkey away on a wild-goose chase for "a blue flower with red thorns" solely to get rid of him while she removes the arrow. - Donkey panics at the injury: “You can't do this to me Shrek, I'm too young for you to die!” - Donkey stumbles on Shrek and Fiona wrestling over the arrow and misinterprets the scene: “If you wanted to be alone, all you had to do is ask, okay?”

[55:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3320s) A Budding Romance and the Sight of Duloc

As the trio resumes their journey, an upbeat musical montage captures the changing emotional dynamic between Shrek and Fiona. Shrek finds himself grappling with strange, unprecedented feelings, wondering if he might actually be falling in love for the very first time. Meanwhile, Fiona navigates her own mounting secret, trying to mask her curse while sharing increasingly comfortable, playful moments with Shrek as they travel across the hills.

The lighthearted mood shifts when they crest a ridge and catch their first clear view of Duloc towering in the distance. Donkey points out Lord Farquaad’s pristine kingdom, noting that Fiona’s future awaits her and recycling Shrek’s earlier quip about Farquaad compensating for his stature. Fiona’s face falls at the sight of the castle. She hesitates, clearly reluctant to finish the journey, and quickly invents an excuse to stall: she insists she is worried about Donkey, claiming he looks awful and sickly. Donkey, though confused at first, leans into the suggestion once a twinge in his neck is mentioned, complaining that he cannot feel his nonexistent toes and needs a hug. Shrek volunteers to gather firewood while Fiona offers to make dinner, delaying their arrival at Duloc by another night.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: The Sunset Dilemma and Fiona's Secret accDescr: Flowchart illustrating Fiona's curse and the evening events leading to the misunderstanding. subgraph S1["Evening Camp"] A["Campfire Dinner of Weed Rat"] --> B["Sunset Approaches"] B --> C["Fiona Panics & Flees into Windmill"] end subgraph S2["The Reveal"] C --> D["Donkey Investigates Windmill"] D --> E["Discovers Fiona in Ogre Form"] E --> F["Fiona Explains the Witch's Curse"] end subgraph S3["The Misunderstanding"] G["Shrek Approaches with Sunflower"] --> H["Overhears: 'Who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?'"] H --> I["Shrek Assumes Fiona Means Him"] I --> X["Heartbroken Shrek Summons Farquaad"] end F -.->|"Fiona describes herself"| H ```

[57:59](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3479s) Weed Rat Dinner and the Fear of Sunset

Around the campfire, Shrek serves up roasted weed rats on a stick, which Fiona finds surprisingly delicious. She reflects wistfully on how differently she will be dining the following evening in Farquaad’s palace, hints of sadness creeping into her voice. As the sun begins to dip below the horizon, bathing the sky in twilight, Donkey points out how romantic the evening looks. The mention of sunset triggers immediate panic in Fiona. She abruptly cuts the conversation short, frantically insisting that it is late and that she must lock herself away inside the nearby abandoned windmill.

Donkey misinterprets her sudden departure as nyctophobia and attempts to comfort her by admitting that he, too, is deeply afraid of the dark. Fiona eagerly latches onto the excuse, confirming she is terrified of the dark before slamming the windmill door behind her. Outside, Donkey turns to Shrek, smelling the romantic tension in the air. He presses Shrek to follow his animal instincts, wake up, smell the pheromones, and confess his feelings to Fiona. Shrek stubbornly brushes him off, deflecting Donkey's teasing by arguing that an ogre has no place courting a beautiful royal princess, before stalking off into the dark to fetch more firewood.

- Shrek serves roasted weed rat, which Fiona admits is delicious despite her royal upbringing. - Donkey identifies the chemistry between them: “I'm an animal and I got instincts, and you two were digging on each other, I can feel it.” - Shrek shuts down Donkey’s matchmaking: “She's a princess and I'm an ogre.”

[01:00:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3652s) Fiona's Secret Revealed to Donkey

Later that evening, Donkey ventures inside the windmill to check on Fiona, only to be confronted by a heavy-set green ogre wearing Fiona's dress. Terrified, Donkey screams that the monster has eaten the princess and begs the creature to keep breathing so Fiona can be saved from its belly. Fiona desperately grabs Donkey and forces him to listen, revealing that the ogre *is* her. Donkey is dumbfounded, wondering if she transformed because she ate the weed rats.

Fiona explains that she has lived under this condition for as long as she can remember. She recites the rhyme of her affliction: “By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form.” Donkey initially mistakes her words for recited poetry until Fiona clarifies that a witch cast a spell on her as a child. She was locked away in the dragon's keep so her true love could rescue her, which is why she feels compelled to marry Farquaad before sunset to break the enchantment permanently. Donkey gently suggests that she has plenty in common with Shrek and asks why she doesn't consider being with him instead. Fiona dismisses the idea in anguish, lamenting that a princess must look regal, and questions who could ever truly love a beast so hideous and ugly.

- Fiona details the terms of the enchantment: she transforms into an ogre every sunset until true love's kiss locks her into "love's true form." - Donkey tries to soften the blow about her ogre appearance: “Look on the bright side: you're only ugly at night; Shrek's ugly 24/7.” - Fiona swears Donkey to absolute secrecy, refusing to let him reveal her curse to Shrek.

[01:03:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3799s) The Tragic Misunderstanding

Outside the windmill, Shrek gathers his courage. Holding a sunflower, he practices an awkward, sweet confession: he brought the flower because it is pretty, and though he does not typically care for flowers, he thought she might like it because she is pretty, admitting that he likes her regardless. As he approaches the doorway to deliver the flower and speak his heart, he overhears Fiona talking with Donkey inside. Through the wall, he hears Fiona's despairing cry:

> “Take a good look at me Donkey, I mean really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?”

Unaware that Fiona is referring to her own ogre reflection, Shrek assumes she is talking about him with disgust. Deeply wounded, Shrek drops the sunflower and quietly slips away into the night, nursing broken pride and a shattered heart. Inside, Donkey begs Fiona to at least speak honestly with Shrek, but she insists that marrying Lord Farquaad is her only path to a fairy-tale "happily ever after." She forces Donkey to promise on his silence, leaving the truth hidden.

[01:06:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3970s) Lord Farquaad Arrives at Sunrise

At dawn, Fiona transforms back into her human form and steps outside to find Shrek, determined to clear the air and tell him her secret. When she approaches, she finds Shrek cold, hostile, and distant. When she mentions having something to tell him, Shrek cuts her off sharply, telling her he heard everything she said last night. Fiona, assuming he discovered her nighttime ogre curse, expresses surprise that it matters to him. Shrek bitterly snaps back that it certainly does matter.

Before the confusion can be resolved, horns sound as Lord Farquaad arrives with an armed royal guard. Shrek had marched through the night straight to Duloc to collect Farquaad and trade Fiona for the deed to his swamp. Farquaad inspects Fiona, mesmerized by her daytime beauty, and immediately proposes marriage. When Fiona notices Farquaad dismissively sneering that an ogre has no feelings, she coldly agrees: “No, you're right, it doesn't.” Eager to avoid transforming before the wedding, Fiona demands that the ceremony happen immediately, before sunset. Farquaad happily agrees, ordering the captain to round up guests, cake, and caterers, and sweeps Fiona off on his white horse.

- Shrek confronts Fiona using her overheard words: “I understand; like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast?” - Farquaad hands over the deed to the swamp: “Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out as agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind.” - Donkey attempts to stop Shrek from walking away, but Shrek lashes out in fury: “I live alone! My swamp, me, nobody else, understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying animals!”

[01:09:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4149s) "Hallelujah" and the Creator Confession Interlude

Left alone, Shrek returns to his empty swamp while Fiona is fitted for her wedding gown in Duloc, both enduring overwhelming loneliness. The sequence is accompanied by the somber notes of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," illustrating their shared grief over what could have been. Amidst the re-creations, an animated guru-like figure delivers an earnest motivational lecture about learning to control one's temper, cooling down like mountain snow or an air conditioner in the heart, and choosing forgiveness over pride.

This transitions into an offbeat, live-action monologue from one of the project's contributors (the "J-man"). Facing the submission deadline for *Shrek Retold*, the creator confesses that despite spending years making jokes about Shrek, he had never actually seen the 2001 DreamWorks animated feature:

> “When Shrek came out, I was far too large and smart to be delighted by its fake goblins and donkeys; it was released just before my 23rd birthday, and my motto at the time was 'only real donkeys and goblins for the J-man.'”

The speaker deadpans an absurd, fabricated synopsis of the movie, describing it as the tale of an ancient land where Michael Chiklis turned green and goblinish, attempting to assassinate "Lord Farm Quartz" by dropping him into a well-cushioned pit, only for the film to end abruptly without resolution. He playfully concludes his segment by acknowledging the absurdity of watching a children’s classic for the first time as a 40-year-old man—or admitting he has secretly seen it hundreds of times and was lying all along.

[01:14:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4469s) Crashing the Royal Wedding

Shrek and Donkey race across Duloc to reach the cathedral before Princess Fiona and Lord Farquaad seal their vows. Outside the massive church doors, Donkey frantically tries to drill Shrek on the traditional wedding protocol, insisting that timing is everything. He explains that the priest will ask if anyone can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined, warning Shrek, “There’s a line, you gotta wait for the priest is gonna say, ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace,’ and that’s when you say, ‘I object!’” Shrek has little patience for the formalities and prepares to charge straight in, forcing Donkey to grab his attention and remind him what is really at stake: his true feelings for Fiona and the chance to finally hold her in his arms.

Peeking into the sanctuary, they see the church packed to capacity with Duloc citizens. Impatient to intervene, Shrek kicks open the doors and shouts, “I object!” He strolls down the aisle through a wild mix of crowdsourced visual styles, sarcastically admiring the pristine state of the city before confronting Farquaad at the altar. Farquaad scoffs at the intrusion, sneering that it is already rude enough being alive when nobody wants you, let alone crashing a royal wedding uninvited. Fiona demands to know what Shrek is doing after abandoning her that morning, telling him it is far too late to talk. Shrek cuts through the ceremony, exposing Farquaad's true motives to Fiona by declaring, “He’s not your true love,” and warning her that he is merely using the marriage as a stepping stone to become king. Farquaad finds the whole idea laughable, mocking Shrek relentlessly in front of the entire congregation: “Oh, this is precious! The ogre has fallen in love with the princess!”

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Wedding Interruption Sequence accDescr: The sequence of events when Shrek interrupts Lord Farquaad and Princess Fiona's wedding at Duloc cathedral. subgraph S1["Arrival at Duloc"] A["Donkey briefs Shrek on wedding etiquette"] --> B["Shrek bursts into cathedral with 'I object!'"] end subgraph S2["Confrontation at the Altar"] B --> C["Shrek warns Fiona of Farquaad's royal ambition"] C --> D["Farquaad mocks Shrek's feelings for Fiona"] end subgraph S3["The Reveal"] D --> E["Sun sets through stained glass"] E --> F["Fiona transforms into an ogre before the congregation"] end ```

[01:17:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4650s) Sunset, Dragon's Arrival, and Farquaad's Demise

Desperate to finalize the vows before anything else can go wrong, Farquaad insists they are only a kiss away from their happily ever after and tries to force Fiona into the nuptial kiss. Fiona looks toward the cathedral windows just as the evening sun begins to dip beneath the horizon. Knowing she can no longer hide the truth, she whispers the riddle of her curse, “By night one way, by day another,” and turns away from the altar to face Shrek. In full view of the congregation, she is bathed in magical amber light and transforms into her true ogre self, telling Shrek that she had wanted to show him before.

Seeing her change, Shrek admits that the revelation explains a great deal, but Farquaad reacts with utter revulsion. Gagging at Fiona's ogre form, Farquaad shouts for his guards, screaming, “Guards! Guards! I order you to get them out of my sight now! Get them, get them both!” In the ensuing chaos, Farquaad hastily declares that because the ceremony has concluded, the marriage is legally binding and he is officially king. As Farquaad attempts to banish Fiona to the tower forever, Shrek whistles for backup. Donkey bursts through the cathedral's stained glass riding atop Dragon, cornering the panicked monarch. Donkey triumphantly takes control of the room, yelling, “All right, nobody move! I got a dragon here and I'm not afraid to use it!” Dragon swiftly swallows Farquaad whole, prompting Donkey to dryly remark on the messy state of royalty: “Celebrity marriages never last, do they?”

- Donkey declares his volatile state to the cowering crowd: “I'm a donkey on the edge!” - With Farquaad consumed and the guards disarmed, Dragon burps up Farquaad's tiny crown, clearing the path for Shrek to finally speak with Fiona.

[01:19:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4759s) True Love's Kiss and Beautiful Transformation

With the threat vanquished, Donkey urges Shrek forward to finally express his true feelings. Shrek steps up to Fiona, nervous and vulnerable, before managing to confess his love simply and directly: “Fiona, I love you.” Taken aback, Fiona asks him if he really means it, and after Shrek reaffirms his devotion with an emphatic “Really, really,” she smiles and replies, “I love you too.” The two lean into each other and share true love's first kiss.

As their lips meet, the ancient spell takes hold. Fiona is lifted into the air by swirling beams of mystical energy as the spell's words echo: take love's true form. Light bursts throughout the sanctuary, lowering Fiona gently back to the ground. When the glowing aura subsides, Fiona examines her hands and feet and finds that she has remained an ogre permanently. Confused and heartbroken, she looks at Shrek and laments, “I don't understand, I'm supposed to be beautiful.” Shrek tenderly takes her hands, looks into her eyes, and reassures her completely, telling her, “But you are beautiful.”

[01:20:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4851s) "I'm a Believer" Swamp Celebration and Credits

The scene shifts back to Shrek's swamp for a vibrant wedding celebration, uniting Shrek, Fiona, Donkey, and the entire cast of fairytale creatures. The scene erupts into a high-energy rendition of Smash Mouth's cover of “I'm a Believer.” A montage of dozens of independent animator and filmmaker styles plays out, cycling between claymation, live-action parody, 3D CGI, and hand-drawn animation as the swamp creatures dance, play instruments, and celebrate Shrek and Fiona's newfound life together. The joyful chaos showcases Donkey singing lead vocals, the fairytale creatures partying around the newlyweds, and Shrek and Fiona heading off in their onion carriage.

As the wild dance party winds down, the energetic music gives way to the emotional ballad “It Is You (I Have Loved).” The sequence follows the newlyweds setting off on their honeymoon while the massive collaborative credits roll, honoring the over 200 storytellers, animators, and performers who contributed scenes to the remake. The soulful closing song reflects on unexpected romance and finding a soulmate in someone who truly sees and accepts you: “There is something that I see in the way you look at me, there's a smile, there's a truth in your eyes.” The project signs off on the quiet resonance of Shrek and Fiona's unconventional happily ever after.

## Notable quotes > [44:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2688s) People take one look at me and go, ‘Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!’ They judge me before they even know me. That’s why I’m better off alone. — Shrek

> [20:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1214s) some of you may die but that is a risk i am willing to take. — Lord Farquaad

## Mentioned 3GI, Shrek, Donkey, Princess Fiona, Lord Farquaad, Gingy, Magic Mirror, Cinderella, Snow White, Robin Hood, Smash Mouth, Leonard Cohen, Dragon, Three Blind Mice, Pinocchio, Michael Chiklis

## Video description Hey now, All Stars! 3GI's feature-length, crowdsourced, scene-for-scene remake of Shrek features over 200 storytellers, each retelling this fairytale classic in their own style. Shrek is love, Shrek is life, Shrek will make you a believer. Download the full movie for FREE ▶ https://the3gi.com/pages/shop

collaborators ▶ https://tinyurl.com/ydf6zquf

Get involved with 3GI ▶ https://patreon.com/3gi

SUBSCRIBE TO 3GI - https://www.youtube.com/user/3GI?sub_confirmation=1 Full Shrek Retold Playlist ▶ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC--TeVhXRcMbbhaEwdKcGuB1viqof8tQ

FOLLOW US! twitter ▶ https://twitter.com/the3GI

#3GI #shrek #shrekretold #shrekfest #shrekisloveshrekislife

[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI)

中文简报

《怪物史莱克重述版》完整影片 当残暴的法夸尔领主将童话难民驱逐到史莱克清幽的沼泽地后,这位独居的怪物达成协议,以从恶龙把守的城堡中救出菲奥娜公主为条件,换回属于自己的领地。在健谈的驴子陪伴下,史莱克解救了菲奥娜,两人悄然产生情愫,而菲奥娜则暗中隐瞒着自己夜间会化身怪物的诅咒。一场悲剧性的误会促使菲奥娜即将与法夸尔步入婚姻殿堂,史莱克与驴子闯入杜洛克城的婚礼现场表白心意。菲奥娜展现出怪物的真实形态,恶龙除掉了法夸尔,而真爱之吻让菲奥娜永久定格为怪物身躯,整部电影在沼泽举办的庆祝婚礼中迎来圆满结局。 200多位独立动画师和电影人通力合作,以分段众包的形式逐镜重制了2001年的经典之作《怪物史莱克》,并在2D、3D CGI、黏土动画以及真人实景等多种表现形式间交替呈现。 (0:03) 法夸尔领主将童话难民驱逐至史莱克的沼泽,随后许诺只有当史莱克从恶龙看守的城堡中营救出菲奥娜公主,才会归还原本属于他的宁静领地。 (25:05) 史莱克无意间听到菲奥娜为自己夜间化身怪物的诅咒而叹息,误以为对方是在斥责自己是个丑陋的野兽,这一误会致使两人的感情破裂。 (63:19) 史莱克在日落时分打断了皇家婚礼,菲奥娜的怪物形态随之曝光,恶龙吞噬了法夸尔,而真爱之吻让菲奥娜永久保持了怪物的形态。 (77:30)

Detailed notes — zh

## Background 本项目由频道 3GI 于 2018 年 11 月 30 日在 YouTube 平台发布。根据页面简介,这是一部汇聚了 200 多位创作者、以各自独特的艺术风格对经典童话动画《怪物史莱克》(Shrek)进行逐幕复刻的长篇众包重制电影,旨在向原版及这一文化符号致敬。 ## TL;DR 影片忠实还原了原版故事主线:怪物史莱克的泥沼家园遭到被法夸尔勋爵驱逐的童话生物入侵,为换回清净,他与话痨驴子结伴前往恶龙要塞营救菲欧娜公主。旅途中,史莱克与菲欧娜打破偏见并逐渐坠入爱河,却因夜间怪物诅咒的秘密产生误解。最终,史莱克在大婚之日大闹教堂抢婚,火龙吞噬了心怀不轨的法夸尔勋爵,而打破魔咒的菲欧娜永久化身为绿色怪物,与史莱克在沼泽地迎来了跨越世俗审美的真爱结局。 ## Atmosphere & style 全片充斥着天马行空的荒诞幽默、狂放不羁的网络迷因气质与真挚的怀旧温情。随着场景切换,手绘、真人实拍、粘土动画和低模 3D 等截然不同的媒介快速交替,带来一种眩晕却又极具活力的超现实拼贴感;而在恶搞与解构的怪诞表象之下,史莱克与菲欧娜关于自我认同与接纳的心灵碰撞依旧细腻动人,让整场观影体验宛如一场盛大且极具感染力的独立创作者集体狂欢。 ## Bulletin - [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) 《Shrek Retold》是由 3GI 发起的全片众包重制企划,汇聚了超过 200 位独立创作者,采用手绘、真人、粘土动画和 3D 等极度多元的风格逐幕翻拍了 2001 年经典动画《怪物史莱克》。 - [26:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1579s) 影片完整再现了史莱克与驴子前往熔岩城堡营救菲奥娜公主的经典叙事,包括以“洋葱有层次”来隐喻外表粗暴但内心脆弱孤独的怪物性格。 - [01:19:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4759s) 故事核心冲突在于菲奥娜日落后变身怪物的诅咒与误会,最终在教堂婚礼上通过真爱之吻打破魔咒,并反传统地将菲奥娜的真爱形态永久定格为绿色怪物。 - [01:09:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4149s) 重制版在忠实还原原版台词与情节的同时,穿插了荒诞无厘头的真人布道和创作者自白等解构性内容,兼具网络迷因狂欢与真诚的情感致敬。 ## Key takeaways - [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) 众包翻拍项目聚集了逾 200 位网络艺术家,以逐幕无缝切换多种视觉媒介的方式重构经典童话。 - [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) 史莱克通过展现凶残的怪物恶名吓退村民,维护其宁静避世的沼泽领地。 - [05:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=309s) 因魔法粉末短暂具备飞行能力的驴子在逃脱卫兵追捕后,死缠烂打地与史莱克结下不解之缘。 - [11:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=682s) 法夸尔勋爵大肆驱逐童话生物,迫使史莱克为了清空自家沼泽而前往杜洛克讨要说法。 - [16:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=979s) 法夸尔通过魔镜选拔相中菲奥娜公主,意图通过与公主联姻获得王位的合法正统性。 - [20:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1214s) 史莱克以武力横扫杜洛克竞技场,被迫与法夸尔达成协议:以营救公主换回沼泽领地的地契。 - [26:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1579s) 史莱克提出“怪物就像洋葱”的层次隐喻,表达了被世人偏见排斥后的防备心理与深层孤独。 - [33:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1993s) 进入要塞后驴子凭借奉承与花言巧语意外俘获母龙芳心,为后续脱险埋下伏笔。 - [41:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2484s) 菲奥娜原本抱持刻板的骑士救美幻想,却在目睹史莱克真容后爆发激烈的认知冲突。 - [48:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2908s) 菲奥娜展现出干脆利落的自卫武术,打破了传统弱势公主的人设,并逐渐与史莱克产生默契。 - [01:00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3604s) 驴子撞破菲奥娜每逢日落变身怪物的秘密,菲奥娜必须通过真爱初吻才能破除魔咒并显现真爱本相。 - [01:03:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3799s) 史莱克在门外误听菲奥娜对怪物外貌的自怨自艾,误以为她嫌弃自己而心碎离去,导致两人爆发冷战。 - [01:09:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4149s) 中段穿插的真人恶搞布道与创作者无厘头忏悔独白,极大增强了本片的解构色彩与迷因属性。 - [01:16:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4575s) 史莱克在驴子策应与火龙相助下大闹教堂婚礼,揭穿法夸尔的野心,火龙当场吞下法夸尔。 - [01:19:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4759s) 真爱初吻让菲奥娜永久保留了怪物的容貌,史莱克以“你本来就很美”完成了对传统童话容貌焦虑的终极颠覆。 - [01:21:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4906s) 全片在多画风快速拼贴的狂欢婚礼与标志性金曲中落幕,展现了网络协作文化对经典叙事的深厚热爱。 ## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3s) 项目序幕与开场:《怪物史莱克》的众包重述 影片以一段郑重其事的旁白拉开帷幕,回顾了经典动画《怪物史莱克》(Shrek)的传奇地位。解说强调,这部电影当年因其颠覆传统的恶搞幽默、极其写实的放屁声效以及真挚动人的情感内核而广受赞誉,“它堪称有史以来最伟大的故事”。世界各地的狂热粉丝聚集在一起庆祝史莱克,正是源于这种独特的迷恋,诞生了这次前所未有的众包翻拍企划:超过 200 位创作者各显神通,运用动画、真人、定格等截然不同的艺术风格,将同一个童话逐幕重新编织在一起。 随后,伴随着打破童话幻想的厕所冲水声与标志性的摇滚金曲《All Star》,影片正式进入史莱克的泥沼日常。史莱克在泥浆池中畅游、刷牙、吓退周围的生物。而在沼泽边缘,一群手持火把与草叉的人类村民正战战兢兢地聚集,准备猎杀怪物。村民们传言怪物会把人类的骨头磨成面包碎屑,但史莱克悄无声息地出现在他们身后纠正道,那是巨人才干的事;真正的怪物手段残忍得多——剥下鲜皮做衣服、切下肝脏、将眼珠挤成果酱涂在面包上吃。面对吓破胆的村民,史莱克发出震天巨吼,平静地宣告:“这是你们该逃跑的部分(This is the part where you run away)”,将侵入者彻底赶出领地。 --- ### [05:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=309s) 驴子的逃亡与宿命相遇 在杜洛克王国的执法哨卡前,法夸尔勋爵的手下正按人头抓捕并低价收购童话生物。一位老妇人领着一只会说话的驴子排队,希望能换取十个先令。然而当士兵命令驴子开口时,驴子却因紧张而一声不吭,气得老妇人连连辩解它平时其实是个关不上的话匣子。推搡争执中,一笼小仙女的魔法粉末意外洒在驴子身上,赋予了它浮空飞行的能力。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 驴子逃脱与遭遇史莱克流程 accDescr: 展示驴子如何从卫兵抓捕中脱逃并最终缠上史莱克的经过 subgraph Arrest["杜洛克哨卡抓捕"] A["老妇人试图以十先令出售驴子"] B["驴子因紧张沉默不语"] C["魔法粉末意外泼洒,驴子腾空飞起"] A --> B --> C end subgraph Escape["林中逃窜与援护"] D["药效消失,驴子坠地逃进树林"] E["卫兵追捕遭遇泥沼中的史莱克"] F["史莱克吓退卫兵救下驴子"] C --> D --> E --> F end subgraph Bonding["死缠烂打"] G["驴子震惊于史莱克威慑力,执意追随"] F --> G end ``` 摆脱重力的驴子兴奋地在空中高呼自己是“会飞的飞驴”,甚至引来追兵混乱。然而魔法药效稍纵即逝,坠落在地的驴子仓皇奔入森林深处,迎面撞上了散步的史莱克。紧追而至的皇家卫兵气焰嚣张,宣读法夸尔勋爵的驱逐与重新安置法令,扬言要将史莱克一并逮捕。史莱克仅凭一句带着嘲弄的“就凭你和哪门子军队?”,接着一声震耳欲聋的怒吼,便将全副武装的队长吓得落荒而逃。 - 驴子对史莱克展现出的压迫感五体投地,连连赞叹他驱赶卫兵的手段极其利落。 - 尽管史莱克明确拒绝并要求它去和自己的朋友庆祝自由,驴子却坦承自己根本没有朋友。 - 史莱克试图用自己凶恶的怪物身份吓退驴子,甚至直言正常人都会拿起火把和草叉,驴子却毫不介意,赞赏他不在乎旁人眼光的洒脱态度。 - 驴子自顾自跟着史莱克来到泥沼木屋前,不仅将简陋的石头赞赏为“漂亮的巨石(That's a nice boulder)”,更死缠烂打地要求借宿一晚,并许诺“早晨我来做华夫饼(In the morning I'm making waffles)”。 --- ### [11:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=682s) 沼泽沦陷:童话生物的大迁徙 原本安静的夜晚被彻底打破。三只盲鼠摸索着爬上了史莱克的餐桌,甚至踩进了他的食物里;紧接着,小头畸形、木偶皮诺曹、白雪公主的矮人、狼外婆等大批无家可归的童话生物挤满了史莱克的起居室与整个外围草坪。史莱克愤怒地冲出家门,手持球棒质问这群闯入者究竟意欲何为。 童话生物们委屈地抗辩称,他们绝非自愿前来,而是被法夸尔勋爵无情驱逐、像麻风病人一样流放至此。史莱克为了夺回原本属于自己的清净居所,当场向所有生物发问:“有人知道这个法夸尔在哪里吗?”在一片沉默中,唯独被排斥在人群外的驴子自告奋勇。面对别无选择的现实,史莱克向全场童话生物宣布:“不要呆得太舒服,你们的待遇已经正式到期了。事实上,我现在就要去找这个叫法夸尔的家伙,把你们从我的土地上赶回原本属于你们的地方!” --- ### [16:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=979s) 法夸尔的逼供与魔镜甄选 镜头转至杜洛克王国的地牢。法夸尔勋爵正残忍地审讯姜饼人(Gingerbread Man),甚至将它的双腿掰断并泡进牛奶里施虐。姜饼人虽嘴硬反抗称法夸尔是怪物,但法夸尔反唇相讥,指责童话生物污染了他完美的纯洁王国。当法夸尔伸手要剥掉它最珍贵的软糖纽扣时,心理崩溃的姜饼人屈服了,招供出了住在德鲁里巷(Drury Lane)的松饼人(Muffin Man)。 此时,卫从队长推着从童话世界缴获的魔镜进殿。魔镜虽然在法夸尔的威胁下面露惧色,但依然如实指出法夸尔目前在法理上还不是真正的国王;若要称王,唯一的途径就是迎娶一位真正的公主。 | 候选编号 | 候选人 | 领地 / 背景 | 标签与特质 | |:--- |:--- |:--- |:--- | | **一号佳丽** | 灰姑娘(Cinderella) | 远方王国 | 长期遭受心理虐待的宅女;喜欢寿司与泡热水澡,负责给恶毒姐姐做饭打扫。 | | **二号佳丽** | 白雪公主(Snow White) | 奇幻国度 | 身披斗篷、与七个男人同居的死宅美女;需要用亲吻唤醒冷冻的双唇。 | | **三号佳丽** | 菲欧娜公主(Princess Fiona) | 熔岩恶龙城堡 | 火辣红发女郎;喜欢凤梨可乐达(Piña Colada)与雨中漫步,正等待勇士救援。 | 法夸尔毫不犹豫地选中了菲欧娜公主作为未婚妻。魔镜试图进一步提醒他太阳落山后公主身上会发生一件诡异的秘密,却被急不可耐的法夸尔厉声打断。法夸尔随即下达军令,召集麾下最精锐的骑士举办一场大型骑士比武大会,选拔替死鬼去恶龙领地营救公主。 --- ### [20:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1214s) 抵达杜洛克与比武擂台 史莱克与驴子风尘仆仆抵达杜洛克城外。整座城市空旷规整、高墙耸立,其高耸入云的城堡尖塔引得驴子意味深长地吐槽:“你觉得他是不是在借此补偿身体上的某些短处?”城内街道死寂无人,只有一座诡异的迎宾玩偶自动售货闸机用机械歌声循环歌唱杜洛克的完美准则。 跟随人流,史莱克与驴子误打误撞闯入了正值高潮的比武竞技场。法夸尔勋爵正站在高台上对全体臣民发表冠冕堂皇的讲话,宣称优胜者将获得替领主前往熔岩城堡营救菲欧娜公主的无上特权,并冷酷地向骑士们抛出一句名言:“你们中的一些人可能会死,但这是我愿意承担的风险(Some of you may die, but that is a risk I am willing to take)。” - 史莱克巨大丑陋的身躯瞬间吸引了全场目光,法夸尔临时更改比赛规则,宣布谁能杀死怪物谁就是杜洛克真正的冠军骑士。 - 史莱克被迫登上擂台,借助场内各种道具和啤酒桶将精锐骑士团打得溃不成军,甚至上演了一场摔角秀。 - 一旁的驴子也不甘示弱,用后蹄踢飞冲锋的骑兵,两者配合将守卫全部放倒。 - 惊骇于怪物武力的法夸尔勋爵不得不顺水推舟,指派史莱克为本届比武的正式冠军,并承诺只要他将菲欧娜公主救回杜洛克,便签署法令将泥沼里的所有童话生物彻底清空,让沼泽恢复原状。 --- ### [26:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1579s) 洋葱与千层饼:怪物的内心隐喻 在启程前往恶龙城堡的路上,驴子对史莱克的决策感到匪夷所思。驴子直言不讳地质问,史莱克明明拥有碾碎一切的怪物神力,大可直接围攻城堡、用骨头磨面粉将法夸尔痛打一顿,何必大费周章地替仇人去跟恶龙拼命以换回原本属于自己的领地。史莱克反问它是否真想看到自己把整个村庄斩首、割开脾脏畅饮体液的残暴模样,驴子只得讪讪作罢。 为了让喋喋不休的驴子明白自己的真实处境,史莱克试图用隐喻解释怪物复杂的内心世界: > “怪物就像洋葱……洋葱有层次,怪物也有层次。你懂了吗?我们都有层次!(Ogres are like onions... Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.)” 然而驴子完全没有领会洋葱的深层含义,反而接连提出洋葱会发出恶臭、会让人流泪、晒在太阳底下会长出白毛等刻板印象。驴子进而反驳称,并不是每个人都喜欢洋葱,如果真要打比方,大家都喜欢的“蛋糕”或者“千层冻糕(Parfait)”同样有层次,为什么怪物非要把自己比作令人讨厌的洋葱。史莱克被驴子跳脱的甜品逻辑彻底绕晕,只能愤愤地否决蛋糕的比喻,忍受着驴子关于冻糕有多美味的漫长念叨,继续向危机四伏的熔岩之地进发。 ### [27:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1671s) 冻糕争论与硫磺的恶臭 史瑞克(Shrek)和驴子(Donkey)继续走在营救公主的旅途上,两人因食物和怪物的话题争论不休。驴子极力维护冻糕(Parfait),声称这玩意儿美味无比,简直是全天下最棒的甜点,甚至光是提到这个词就让他忍不住流口水。史瑞克则被磨得毫无脾气,坚决重申自己的观点。史瑞克对驴子怒斥:“不,你这只愚钝烦人、微不足道的驮畜,怪物就像洋葱,事情就是这样,谈话结束,再见!”驴子依然喋喋不休,甚至索要纸巾擦嘴,让史瑞克直言宁愿听他之前哼歌。 不久后,一股刺鼻的气味扑面而来。驴子惊恐地质问史瑞克是不是刚在自己面前放了个恶臭难耐的屁,还抱怨史瑞克没提前警告,害得他张着嘴吸了满口。史瑞克毫不客气地反驳,称要是自己放的屁,驴子早就当场没命了。史瑞克断定这是硫磺的味道,说明他们已经极其接近恶龙盘踞的城堡,但驴子依旧半信半疑,嘴硬地咬定这绝非石头散发出的气味。 ### [29:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1778s) 悬空吊桥与恐高的驴子 两人来到了一座横跨在滚烫熔岩湖之上的破败吊桥前。面对眼前险恶的地形,驴子突然停下脚步坦白心声。他提起史瑞克之前说过“怪物有层次”,而驴子则完全没有层次——所有的恐惧都明明白白写在脸上。尽管驴子一开始坚称自己不是恐高,只是对走在一座架在滚烫岩浆上的摇晃吊桥感到极为不安,但内心的恐慌根本掩盖不住。 史瑞克试图安抚他,承诺自己会留在身边提供“情绪支持”。驴子鼓起勇气踏上吊桥,却在低头看到脚下翻滚的岩浆时彻底崩溃,吓得要求立刻回头。史瑞克指出他们已经走了一半,驴子却狡辩称走过的那一半才是安全的。为了逼驴子往前挪动,史瑞克故意晃动吊桥甚至当场跳起舞来。驴子被吓得魂飞魄散,一边绝望地大喊“我要死了”,一边闭着眼睛拼命往前狂奔,最终跌跌撞撞地冲过了吊桥。 ### [31:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1886s) 潜入恶龙城堡与分工搜寻 穿过吊桥进入阴森的城堡后,驴子询问那个“会喷火的眼中钉”究竟躲在哪里。史瑞克回答说她就在里面等着被营救,驴子这才意识到史瑞克指的其实是被囚禁的公主,而他自己问的则是那头恶龙。 两人在满是骑士骸骨的阴暗走廊中摸索前行。驴子故作镇定地询问史瑞克是否害怕,得到否定的回答后,驴子自我安慰道:“因为害怕并没有什么不对,面对一个不熟悉且危险的处境,恐惧是理智的反应,更何况这里还有一头会喷火、吃骑士的恶龙。”他急切地为自己辩解,坚称自己绝不是懦夫。 史瑞克不愿再听废话,命令他闭嘴并去寻找楼梯。驴子困惑地以为他们是来找公主的,史瑞克解释道,根据他在书里读过的桥段,公主必然会被关在最高塔楼的最顶层房间。两人随即决定分头行动:史瑞克负责对付恶龙,驴子则负责寻找通往塔顶的楼梯。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 城堡营救与兵分两路流程图 accDescr: 展示史瑞克与驴子进入城堡后的分工与营救行动 subgraph S1["潜入城堡"] A["进入恶龙要塞"] --> B{"兵分两路"} end subgraph S2["各自行动"] B -->|"寻找最高塔楼"| C["驴子搜寻楼梯"] B -->|"直面潜在威胁"| D["史瑞克搜索恶龙"] C -->|"遭遇危机"| E["恶龙突袭包围驴子"] D -->|"闯入顶层房间"| F["营救菲奥娜公主"] end subgraph S3["合流逃脱"] E --> G["驴子用花言巧语色诱恶龙"] F --> H["史瑞克强行带走公主"] G --> I["汇合后合力逃出城堡"] H --> I end ``` ### [33:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1993s) 驴子的艳遇:魅惑母龙 正当驴子一边自吹自擂是“爬楼梯专家”一边四处乱逛时,巨大的阴影瞬间将他笼罩。恶龙猛然现身将他逼入死角,利齿与烈焰近在咫尺。就在命悬一线之际,驴子意外发现眼前的恶龙居然化着浓妆、长着长睫毛,是一头母龙。 为了保命,驴子立刻开启甜言蜜语攻势,大肆赞叹对方散发着不可抗拒的女性魅力,夸赞她美艳动人。母龙被他的奉承打动,凶神恶煞的眼神瞬间变成了含情脉脉的媚眼。然而,当母龙开始吐出浪漫的心形烟圈并步步紧逼时,驴子吓得连连后退。他尴尬地搬出自己有哮喘病为由想要推脱,慌忙表示:“听着,我只是不想过早投入肉体关系,我在情感上还没准备好承受这么重大的承诺。”他试图劝说恶龙从普通朋友或笔友做起,但母龙早已坠入爱河,直接将他叼回了自己的巢穴。 ### [35:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2147s) 幻想破灭的童话初遇 与此同时,史瑞克闯入了城堡最高处的卧房,找到了静候骑士的菲奥娜公主(Princess Fiona)。菲奥娜立刻摆出童话故事中优雅高贵的姿态,期待着一场命中注定的浪漫初遇,甚至希望骑士吟诵一首史诗、民谣或十四行诗,再将她抱出窗外骑上骏马。然而史瑞克全副武装戴着全封闭头盔,言语粗鲁急躁,根本不理会这些繁文缛节,只想赶快逃命。 当菲奥娜发现恶龙根本没被斩杀时,她大为震惊,指责史瑞克不合规矩:“你没有斩杀恶龙?这不对,你应该拔出利剑、战旗飘扬地冲锋陷阵,其他骑士全都是这么做的!”史瑞克反讽道那些骑士拔剑冲锋的结果就是当场被烧成灰烬。面对菲奥娜的质问,史瑞克急忙表示自己得去救自己的驴子,随即在走廊与被恶龙追赶的驴子汇合。在一阵惊险混乱的追逐与机关阻拦后,史瑞克成功用铁链暂时困住了坠入爱河的母龙,带着菲奥娜和驴子仓皇逃出了要塞。 ### [41:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2484s) 头盔之下的真相与林间争吵 逃出险境后,菲奥娜激动地期待着与这位英勇的“白马王子”分享真爱之吻。当驴子和史瑞克听到她以为史瑞克是真爱时,两人忍不住放声大笑。史瑞克直言自己绝不是她喜欢的类型,但菲奥娜执意命令他摘下头盔。无可奈何之下,史瑞克顺从地脱下头盔,露出了绿色怪物的真面目。 菲奥娜的童话幻想瞬间碎裂,她愤怒地质问为何来救自己的不是一位英俊王子而是一个怪物。史瑞克澄清道,自己只是受法夸德勋爵(Lord Farquaad)所托前来营救,法夸德才是想娶她的人。菲奥娜质问法夸德为何不亲自来,史瑞克直白地回答:“好问题,等到了那里你自己去问他。”傲慢的菲奥娜拒绝跟一个怪物同行,声称要留在原地等待法夸德进行“符合体统的营救”。史瑞克被激怒,当场声明自己可不是传话筒而是送货员,直接把菲奥娜像麻袋一样抗在肩上强行带走。 - 驴子在路上向史瑞克请教感情难题:如果有一位女性疯狂爱上你,但你对她毫无感觉,该如何体面拒绝她而不至于被烧成焦炭或吃掉。 - 菲奥娜被扛在肩上不断挣扎斥责,抱怨这毫无贵族尊严,史瑞克和驴子则一路调侃法夸德勋爵是个矮小怪异的家伙。 ### [45:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2700s) 星空下的洋葱与心结 天色渐暗,三人停下扎营。史瑞克为菲奥娜找了一处勉强能避风的破旧石穴,菲奥娜虽然嫌弃这里缺乏“家的感觉”,但还是用树枝杂草挡住洞口,互道晚安后独自睡下。 营火旁,史瑞克指着夜空中的星座给驴子讲怪物的传说,包括能一口痰吐过三片麦田的怪人和放屁出名的怪物。两人聊着聊着,话题转回了沼泽。驴子询问何时能夺回“我们的沼泽”,史瑞克立刻纠正并没有“我们”,只有他自己的沼泽,并声称回去后的第一件事就是要围绕领地修一座十英尺高的围墙。 驴子敏锐地指出修墙不过是想把别人拒之门外,追问史瑞克究竟在逃避和隐瞒什么。在驴子的步步逼问下,史瑞克终于吐露了内心的创伤与孤独:“听着,有问题的不是我,看起来是这个世界对我有意见!人们看我一眼就会尖叫‘快跑啊,有个又大又蠢又丑的怪物!’他们根本还不了解我,就先入为主地下了评判。这就是为什么我宁愿独自一人。”驴子听后轻声安慰,坦白自己初次见到史瑞克时,从未觉得他是个又丑又蠢的怪物。 ### [48:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2908s) 晨光中的煎蛋与罗宾汉的奇袭 次日清晨,杜洛克城堡中的法夸德勋爵正对着魔镜(Magic Mirror)反复欣赏菲奥娜的容貌,对其美貌垂涎不已。而在树林营地,菲奥娜早早起床,为史瑞克和驴子准备了用鸟蛋做成的早餐煎蛋卷。席间,菲奥娜毫无征兆地打了一个极其响亮的饱嗝,随后泰然自若地表示“排出来总比憋着好”。史瑞克对她这种毫不做作的态度大为改观,称赞她展现了怪物的风范。 三人继续赶路时,密林中突然荡下一名自称罗宾汉(Monsieur Hood)的侠盗。罗宾汉带着他的“风流汉(Merry Men)”随从载歌载舞,声称要从恶魔怪物手中解救这位尊贵的女士,言语轻佻且油腔滑调。正当史瑞克试图上前理论时,不耐烦的菲奥娜终于受够了这群人的纠缠。她展现出惊人的武艺,干净利落地将罗宾汉及其手下一一痛击打倒在地,令一旁的史瑞克和驴子看得目瞪口呆。 ### [53:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3180s) 屁股中箭与支开驴子 在刚刚结束的一场打斗后,史莱克(Shrek)对菲奥娜(Princess Fiona)展现的身手大为震惊,忍不住质问她这身功夫从何学来。菲奥娜淡然回答,当一个人独自生活时,自然得学会这些自卫本领。然而话音未落,她便惊愕地发现史莱克的屁股上正插着一支箭。菲奥娜万分自责,以为是自己害了史莱克,而驴子(Donkey)见状瞬间陷入了极度恐慌,一边歇斯底里地大喊史莱克要死了,一边语无伦次地提出各种荒唐的急救建议,要求史莱克把腿抬高、转头咳嗽,甚至高喊有谁会海姆立克急救法。 为了支开大惊小怪的驴子,菲奥娜急中生智,谎称为了拯救史莱克,需要他立刻跑进树林里去寻找一种“长着红刺的蓝花”(blue flower with red thorns)。被蒙在鼓里的驴子嘴里念叨着口诀冲进树林寻花。菲奥娜趁机让史莱克站稳,准备硬生生将箭拔出来。拔箭过程既痛苦又滑稽,史莱克疼得直叫唤,两人的拉扯动作和惨叫声在不明就里的人看来极其尴尬。当驴子拿着花匆忙跑回来撞见两人扭打在地的姿势时,误以为自己撞破了某种见不得人的私情,吓得连连道歉并表示自己可以走开。 - 驴子在慌乱中大呼小叫:“Keep your legs elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich?” - 菲奥娜向史莱克坦承采花的真正意图:“What are the flowers for? For getting rid of Donkey.” - 驴子寻花时为了防止记错,嘴里不断重复口诀并自嘲:“Blue flowers, red thorns. Blue flowers... this is much easier than being colorblind!” ### [56:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3410s) 杜洛克的远景与营火晚宴 三人行至山脊,杜洛克城堡(Duloc)巍峨的高塔终于出现在地平线上。驴子调侃道史莱克曾说远方的法卡德勋爵(Lord Farquaad)建这么高的塔是在“弥补某种不足”,逗得现场气氛有些微妙。菲奥娜见目的地就在眼前,神色变得复杂,显然并不急于抵达。为了拖延时间,菲奥娜以驴子看起来气色极差、快要累垮为由,坚决主张停下歇脚并安营扎寨。驴子顺水推舟,声称自己的脖子转动时隐隐作痛,三人便在林间停步生火。 夜幕降临,史莱克抓来杂肉烤制成晚餐招待菲奥娜。出乎意料的是,菲奥娜品尝后赞不绝口,两人就着营火吃得津津有味。菲奥娜有些伤感地感叹自己明晚大概就要吃上完全不同的正规宫廷宴席了。面对落日余晖,气氛变得十分浪漫,但当夕阳彻底沉入地平线的那一刻,菲奥娜猛然慌乱起来,急匆匆地躲进身旁的磨坊石屋。驴子以为菲奥娜是单纯的怕黑,还在屋外安慰她说自己其实至今也依然怕黑。 - 菲奥娜借口驴子身体抱恙来推迟行程:“He doesn't look so good... you know what they always say, and then the next thing you know, you're on your back, dead.” - 面对落日消失的惊恐,菲奥娜借坡下驴掩饰身份:“Yes, yes, that's it, I'm terrified! I better go inside.” ### [01:00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3604s) 驴子的撮合与夜间的魔咒真相 夜深人静,驴子敏锐地察觉到史莱克与菲奥娜之间滋生的情愫,直接当面戳穿并劝史莱克勇敢表白。然而史莱克满心自卑,认为自己不过是个丑陋可怕的怪物,而菲奥娜是高贵的公主,两人注定云泥之别,随后便借口去拾柴火落荒而逃。不放心的驴子悄悄溜进磨坊石屋查看菲奥娜的情况,却震惊地发现屋内没有美丽的公主,只有一只身材魁梧、皮肤绿色的雌性怪物。吓破胆的驴子以为怪物吃掉了公主,直到怪物开口说话,他才意识到眼前的人正是菲奥娜。 菲奥娜向驴子吐露了埋藏多年的悲惨秘密:她在孩提时代被女巫施下了恶毒的魔咒。每当日落西山,她就会变成丑陋的怪物模样,直到天明破晓才会变回人形;唯有得到“真爱的初吻”,才能彻底打破魔咒并显现出真爱的真正形态。这正是她多年来被锁在高塔中等待真爱骑士救援的原因,也是她为何必须在日落前嫁给法卡德勋爵的理由。驴子试图安慰她,甚至提议她可以考虑史莱克,因为史莱克也是怪物,两人其实非常般配,但菲奥娜认定公主不该是丑陋的怪物。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Fiona's Curse Flow accDescr: Diagram illustrating how Fiona changes form between day and night, and how true love's kiss resolves the curse. subgraph StateTransition["昼夜形态转化"] Day["白天:人类公主形态"] -->|"日落沉沦"| Night["夜晚:绿色怪物形态"] Night -->|"黎明破晓"| Day end subgraph Resolution["解除魔咒条件"] Night -->|"真爱初吻"| TrueForm["呈现真爱形态(破除诅咒)"] Day -->|"真爱初吻"| TrueForm end ``` - 驴子极力撮合史莱克与菲奥娜:“I'm an animal and I got instincts, and you two were digging on each other, I can feel it!” - 史莱克自卑地回绝:“She's a princess, and I'm an ogre.” - 菲奥娜道出魔咒的诗意偈语:“By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form.” - 面对自怨自艾的菲奥娜,驴子直言:“Look on the bright side: you're only ugly at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7!” ### [01:03:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=3799s) 致命误会与法卡德迎亲 屋外,拾柴回来的史莱克手里拿着一朵亲手采摘的小花,鼓足勇气在门外演练向菲奥娜表白的深情话语。然而,正当他准备推门时,却听见屋内的菲奥娜痛苦地向驴子倾诉:“有谁会去爱一个如此丑陋恶心的怪物?公主和丑陋是不能并存的。”史莱克误以为菲奥娜口中嫌弃的“丑陋怪物”指的是自己,心碎欲绝的他默默扔掉手中的花,在寒风中独自离去。 次日清晨,菲奥娜走出石屋,本想将自己的诅咒和真实心意告诉史莱克,却迎来了史莱克冷冰冰的嘲讽。史莱克冷漠地表示昨晚门外的话他全都听见了,菲奥娜误以为史莱克见到了自己的怪物形态而嫌弃自己,两人陷入了巨大的认知错位。此时,法卡德勋爵带领迎亲骑兵浩浩荡荡赶到现场。法卡德傲慢地将沼泽地的地契扔给史莱克,宛如打发一条看门狗。赌气又绝望的菲奥娜当场答应了法卡德的求婚,并执意要求婚礼必须在“今天日落前”立刻举行。法卡德一行人带着菲奥娜扬长而去,只留下心灰意冷的史莱克和困惑不解的驴子。 - 菲奥娜在屋内对驴子绝望诉苦,却被门外的史莱克误听:“Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?” - 翌日清晨史莱克心碎反讽:“I understand. Like you said, who could love a hideous, ugly beast?” - 法卡德勋爵轻蔑地阻止菲奥娜向史莱克告别:“You don't need to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.” - 面对驴子的追问,被背叛感吞噬的史莱克愤怒咆哮:“I live alone! My swamp! Me, nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying-talking donkeys!” ### [01:09:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4149s) 孤独沼泽的忏悔与荒诞幕后自白 随着《Hallelujah》的经典旋律响起,故事被多位创作者以截然不同的抽象风格与真人实拍拼贴推进。史莱克独自回到了空荡荡的沼泽小屋,菲奥娜在杜洛克城堡机械地试穿着华丽的婚纱,驴子则孤独地游荡在河边。随后画面切入了一段荒诞的真人布道风格演绎:一名讲述者以严肃又无厘头的口吻规劝史莱克要控制脾气,像冷气机(air conditioner)一样让内心冷静下来,不要轻易抛弃像兄弟一样爱着他的驴子。扮演史莱克的演员随即痛哭流涕地承认错误,表示自己太爱变成怪物的人类妻子了,发誓要立刻去挽回真爱。 紧接着,视频画风突变,切入了一段署名为“J-Man”的恶搞幕后独白。该创作者在提交作品的截止日当天面对镜头发表忏悔,声称自己在参与这部翻拍计划之前其实压根没看过《史莱克》原片。他一本正经地胡说八道,称当年《史莱克》上映时自己快满23岁,自视过高只看“真实的驴和哥布林”;如今40岁终于将录像带塞入播放机,却发现影片讲述的是“迈克尔·切克利斯(Michael Chiklis)变绿后,试图把法卡德勋爵扔进一个垫了软垫的浅坑未果,全片无疾而终”的故事,借此戏谑地嘲讽了整个翻拍项目的荒诞底色。 - 荒诞劝导段落中的滑稽金句:“You've got to learn to control your temper. Just learn to be cool like the snow on the mountains, like the air conditioner in your heart!” - 忏悔的史莱克向镜头深情发誓:“I love my wife better than I love any sweet ice cream or any favorite hobby I've ever had!” - 客串创作者荒唐总结他所“理解”的史莱克剧情:“Shrek attempts to kill Lord Farquaad by throwing him into a shallow, well-cushioned pit. It doesn't work, so the movie ends without resolution, teaching children the important lesson that not all things come to an end.” ### [01:14:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4469s) 抢婚倒计时与教堂前的战术讨论 史莱克(Shrek)和驴子(Donkey)骑着火龙以极高速度冲向杜洛克王国(Duloc)。眼看即将抵达大教堂,史莱克显得焦虑不安,甚至想直接跳过所有铺垫直奔主题。在降落到教堂外墙后,驴子急忙拦住心急如焚的史莱克,严肃地提醒他抢婚必须讲究规矩与时机。驴子告诫史莱克,神父必定会念出那句经典的结婚誓词:“现在开口,否则将永远保持缄默”(Speak now or forever hold your peace),那就是喊出反对的最佳时刻。 史莱克抱怨自己根本没有时间讲究这些繁文缛节,但驴子郑重地向他确认心意,追问他是否深爱费奥娜(Princess Fiona)、是否渴望拥抱她。在得到史莱克斩钉截铁的肯定回答后,驴子才同意行动。两人偷偷摸到教堂门口打探虚实,发现整座城镇的居民与宾客早已齐聚一堂,婚礼即将进入尾声。 - 驴子向史莱克面授机宜:“现在开口,否则将永远保持缄默,那就是你该喊反对的时候。” - 史莱克坦承自己对费奥娜的真实感情,誓言一定要将她带回身边。 --- ### [01:16:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4575s) 大闹婚礼现场与怪物真身的揭晓 史莱克猛推开教堂大门,高声大喊“我反对!”(I object!),瞬间打断了法卡德勋爵(Lord Farquaad)与费奥娜的仪式。面对法卡德的嘲讽与费奥娜的不解,史莱克直指法卡德迎娶公主并非出于爱情,而纯粹是为了篡夺王位。法卡德恼羞成怒,尖酸地嘲弄史莱克:“这可真稀罕,怪物居然爱上了公主,老天爷啊!”法卡德试图催促费奥娜赶紧接吻以完成仪式,强调两人距离童话般的完美结局只差一个吻。 费奥娜此时决定不再隐瞒,低语着“夜里一个样,白天另一个样”(by night one way, by day another)。随着夕阳西下,残留的诅咒魔法生效,费奥娜在众目睽睽之下蜕变成了一只绿色的怪物(Ogre)。法卡德被眼前的一幕吓得直呼恶心,随即下令卫兵将两人拿下,并叫嚣着婚姻契约已经具备效力,自己已然是国王。关键时刻,驴子伴随着破墙而入的火龙霸气登场,厉声警告全场:“都别动,我手里有一条龙,我可不怵用它!我是一头豁出去的驴子!”火龙张开巨口,一口将叫嚣的法卡德勋爵吞入腹中,彻底粉碎了这场闹剧。 - 史莱克在众人面前揭露法卡德的野心:“因为他娶你只是为了当上国王。” - 法卡德对现场失控感到恐慌,企图强行完婚并以国王身份逮捕史莱克与费奥娜。 - 驴子携火龙强势控场,一举解决了法卡德的威胁。 --- ### [01:19:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4759s) 真爱之吻与真实的永恒容貌 危机解除后,驴子在一旁打趣道名人婚姻从来都不长久,并示意史莱克抓住机会。史莱克鼓起全部勇气,走到费奥娜面前深情表白:“费奥娜,我爱你。”费奥娜眼中泛着泪光,回应道:“我也爱你。”两人在众人的注视下许下真爱之吻。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 费奥娜真爱之吻与形态转变流程 accDescr: 展示费奥娜接受真爱之吻后打破诅咒并锁定最终形态的历程 subgraph Kiss["告白与接吻"] A["史莱克与费奥娜坦白心意"] --> B["两人进行真爱之吻"] end subgraph Transformation["魔法解除"] B --> C["打破日夜形态转换的魔咒"] C --> D["浮空并释放魔法光芒"] end subgraph FinalState["最终真相"] D --> E["费奥娜永久定格为怪物形态"] E --> F["史莱克由衷赞美:你本来就很美"] end ``` 伴随着童话预言中“真爱初吻将显现爱的真实形态”的魔法律动,费奥娜升入半空,全身被耀眼的金色魔法光辉笼罩。然而当光芒散去,她并未变回传统审美中的纤细人类公主,而是永久保留了绿色怪物的模样。费奥娜看着自己的双手感到困惑与失落,喃喃自语道自己本该变得美丽。史莱克温柔地注视着她,真诚地说道:“但你本来就很美。”两人终于解开心结,迎来了属于他们自己的幸福结局。 - 史莱克跨越外貌偏见的深情表白彻底解除了费奥娜身上的日夜轮转魔咒。 - 费奥娜面对自己的怪物形态困惑道:“我不明白,我本该是美丽的”,史莱克则以真爱予以回应。 --- ### [01:21:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=4906s) 众创风格狂欢与终曲致敬 随着主线剧情走向高潮与落幕,全片进入了极具个人风格与拼贴艺术质感的庆祝派对和制作人员名单环节。画面伴随着《I'm a Believer》等标志性旋律,在粘土动画、像素风、手绘水彩、低多边形 3D、实景真人扮演以及实验影像之间快速切换,超过两百位独立创作者天马行空的脑洞在此汇聚。 在深情悠扬的《It Is You (I Have Loved)》伴奏下,史莱克与费奥娜在沼泽举行了热闹非凡的狂欢婚礼。所有的童话生物、驴子与火龙一同载歌载舞,歌词中“在这意想不到的一天,以意想不到的方式,难道这里就是我的归宿……正是我所深爱的人”(could it be this is where I belong, it is you... that is love)将整个众包重制项目的温情与怪诞魅力推向顶点,为这场向经典动画致敬的狂欢盛宴画上了句号。 - 影片结尾通过多种视觉媒介与独立动画风格的无缝交替,呈现了史莱克与费奥娜的沼泽狂欢婚礼。 - 伴随着深情的婚礼插曲,全片最终在致敬经典与解构童话的欢庆氛围中完结。 ## Notable quotes > [31:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=1886s) 面对一个不熟悉且危险的处境,恐惧是理智的反应,更何况这里还有一头会喷火、吃骑士的恶龙。 — 驴子 > [45:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI&t=2700s) 人们看我一眼就会尖叫‘快跑啊,有个又大又蠢又丑的怪物!’他们根本还不了解我,就先入为主地下了评判。这就是为什么我宁愿独自一人。 — 史瑞克 ## Mentioned 3GI, 怪物史莱克, Shrek Retold, 史莱克, 驴子, 菲欧娜公主, 法夸尔勋爵, 姜饼人, 松饼人, 魔镜, 灰姑娘, 白雪公主, 皮诺曹, 罗宾汉, All Star, Hallelujah, I'm a Believer, It Is You (I Have Loved), 迈克尔·切克利斯, J-Man ## Video description Hey now, All Stars! 3GI's feature-length, crowdsourced, scene-for-scene remake of Shrek features over 200 storytellers, each retelling this fairytale classic in their own style. Shrek is love, Shrek is life, Shrek will make you a believer. Download the full movie for FREE ▶ https://the3gi.com/pages/shop collaborators ▶ https://tinyurl.com/ydf6zquf Get involved with 3GI ▶ https://patreon.com/3gi SUBSCRIBE TO 3GI - https://www.youtube.com/user/3GI?sub_confirmation=1 Full Shrek Retold Playlist ▶ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC--TeVhXRcMbbhaEwdKcGuB1viqof8tQ FOLLOW US! twitter ▶ https://twitter.com/the3GI #3GI #shrek #shrekretold #shrekfest #shrekisloveshrekislife [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pM70TROZQsI)

Source quotes

[31:26] 驴子: 面对一个不熟悉且危险的处境,恐惧是理智的反应,更何况这里还有一头会喷火、吃骑士的恶龙。 [45:00] 史瑞克: 人们看我一眼就会尖叫‘快跑啊,有个又大又蠢又丑的怪物!’他们根本还不了解我,就先入为主地下了评判。这就是为什么我宁愿独自一人。

Source quotes

[44:48] Shrek: People take one look at me and go, ‘Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!’ They judge me before they even know me. That’s why I’m better off alone. [20:14] Lord Farquaad: some of you may die but that is a risk i am willing to take.

Original transcript

[0:03] once [0:40] upon a time there was a movie called shrek shrek was widely acclaimed for its subversive [0:48] humor realistic farts and sincere heart it truly was the greatest story ever told people [0:59] began to gather from all across the land to celebrate shrek and to be loud it was through [1:07] this strange obsession that the story was born anew and over 200 storytellers were brought [1:16] together to weave the tail again each in their own style in a single unified retelling yeah [1:25] right like that could ever happen what a load up nobody once told me the world's gonna roam [1:36] i ain't the sharpest tune in the [ __ ] [1:41] and they don't stop coming [1:46] much to do there's so much to see so what's wrong with taking what the baby does you never [2:12] know if you don't go you never shine if you don't glow [2:37] now [2:42] is [2:50] and show up and all that think it's in there all right let's get it whoa hold on do you [3:42] know what that thing could do to you yeah it'll grind your bones to make it spread yes [3:48] well actually that would be a giant now ogres oh they're much worse they'll make a suit [3:55] from your freshly peeled skin they'll shave your liver squeeze the jelly from your eyes [4:05] actually it's quite good on toast back back beast i warn you [4:09] this is [4:41] the part where you run away [5:02] and stay out [5:09] fairy tale creatures take it away [5:25] i promise i'll never be stubborn please give me another chance shut up hello boys [5:36] possessed toy digging away next what have you got well i got a talking donkey right [5:45] well that's good for ten shillings if you can prove it go ahead little fella well oh [5:54] he's just he's just a little nervous visually quite a chatterbox that's it i've heard enough [6:02] guards no no he talks he does not talk i love to talk from the top is something you ever [6:12] saw get her out of my sight no no i swear [6:17] you may have seen a house fly maybe even a single one but i bet you ain't never seen [6:54] a donkey oh seize him why are you running why are you running [7:07] you there ogre i by the order of lord farquaad i am authorized to place you both under arrest [7:16] and transport you to a resettlement facility oh really you and what army [7:34] what are you talking to me [7:44] guess i was talking to you can't you say that you're really great right there man those [7:51] guards look out there with all that and then you shut up and spin you gotta keep it like [7:53] babes in the woods man that was really good to see well that's great really man it feels [7:58] good to be free how about you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends [8:02] well uh i don't have any friends and i am not going out there by myself wait a minute [8:10] i got a great idea i'll stick with you oh hey shrek it's me donkey i have over 154 phrases [8:19] i can say [8:22] you almost burn the hair out of my nose this is just like that [8:40] i had all types of gases coming out of my butt that day why are you following me i'll [8:45] tell you why [8:53] i'm all alone there's no one here beside me my problems have all gone there's no one to [9:03] derive me [9:04] but you gotta have friends stop singing it's no wonder you don't have any friends [9:11] wow only a true friend would be that julianas listen [9:20] little donkey take a look at me what am i uh really dark no i'm a [ __ ] ogre you know [9:33] grab your torches and pitchforks doesn't that bother you nope really really really oh man [9:42] i like you what's your name uh slack got that sort of i don't care what people think about [9:50] me vibe and i respect that [9:53] ah jeez we want to live in a place like that that's muhum and it's lovely beautiful i mean [10:06] just look at it how well you did on stomata's budget i like that boulder that's a nice boulder [10:16] where are the white women at everybody hates space look if life pushes you down you gotta [10:24] push back if you're dealt a bunch of lemons you're gonna take those lemons and stuff them [10:29] down somebody's throat until they see yellow you got to do the only thing that's left can [10:35] you shut your mouth shrek 3d what you got to let me come in and spend the night some [10:40] somebody's chasing me there's a guy after me i swear to god i'm not making enough i'll [10:44] go in the guest room i'll close the door you won't even know i'm here you [10:59] in the morning i'm making waffles [11:22] this is not okay no i will not tolerate this oh my god dad look how dirty and crappy everything [11:32] is get up here [11:35] yeah well yeah i'm gonna go build my own theme park with blackjack [12:11] uh [12:20] so [12:28] so [12:36] leone [12:45] i am blind and thus don't know what i'm doing and therefore i should not be held responsible [13:03] for my following actions [13:05] i can't see where am i where am i you said yeah what fair quad you have stolen too much [13:20] time for me i do not like that get out i've had it with these fairytale creatures in my [13:31] fairytale story oh [13:47] what are you doing [14:09] all right all of you get off my lawn right now and i own a baseball bat so don't drag [14:13] your feet you mean in here oh no no no no that's a gift from babe ruth be careful with [14:19] this shrek i would never invite these knuckle dragon meander title jimmy neutron escort [14:23] shows into your swamp no one invited us we were exiled like lepers please don't tell [14:30] me it was long far quite of course he moved and he moved and he overtook the capitol and [14:35] then he came through my window and levitated over my bed while i i get the story does anybody [14:41] know where this farquaad guy is oh i do i know where he is does anybody else know where [14:50] to find him [14:54] anyone at all please pick me anyone i do okay fine attentional fairy tale things [15:08] do not get comfortable your welcome has officially won out in fact i'm going to see this guy [15:14] farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from [15:35] two star wind friends off on a whirlwind big city adventure i loved it i can't wait to [15:44] get on the road again what did i say about singing can i whistle no [16:19] can i help [16:21] hmm [16:23] oh my god oh don't scare me like that [16:36] run run run as fast as you can you can't catch me i'm the jujube [16:44] you're a monster i'm not the monster here you are you and the rest of that fairy tale [16:50] trash poisoning my perfect world now tell me where are the others eat me i've tried [16:57] to be fair to you creatures but my patience has reached its end now tell me or i'll no [17:04] not the buttons oh my god drop buttons all right then who's hiding them okay i'll tell [17:11] you do you know the muffin man the muffin man the muffin man yes i know the muffin man [17:19] who lives on drury lane well she's married to the muffin man the muffin man the motherland [17:26] she's married to the muffin man my lord we found well then what are you waiting for bring [17:33] it in [17:34] wow oh magic mirror don't tell him anything no evening mirror mayor on the wall isn't [17:57] this the most perfect kingdom of them all well technically you're not a king uh thelonius [18:08] you were saying what i mean is uh you're not a king yet but you can become one all you [18:14] have to do is marry a princess go on [18:19] bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far far away she likes [18:49] sushi and hot tubbing anytime her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil [18:53] sisters please welcome cinderella bachelorette number two is a cape swearing girl from a [19:00] land of fancy although she lives with seven other men she's not easy just kiss her dead [19:05] frozen lips and find out what a lie where she is give it up for snow white [19:16] and last but certainly not least bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon [19:21] guarded castle surrounded by a hot boiling lava but don't let that cool you off she's [19:25] a loaded pistol who likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain yours for the rescuing [19:30] princess fiora princess the owner she's perfect all i have to do is find someone who can go [19:51] but i should probably mention a little thing that happens at night i'll do it yes but after [19:56] sunset silence i will make this princess fiona my queen and dulac will finally have the perfect [20:03] king captain assemble your finest men we're gonna have a freaking tournament [20:14] that's it that's it right there that's do lock i told you i'd find it so that must be [20:20] lord farquaad's castle uh-huh that's the place do you think maybe he's compensating for something [20:27] hey wait wait up shrek [20:36] hey you wait a second look i'm not gonna eat you i just i [21:20] i just [21:21] it's quiet too quiet [21:27] where is everybody hey look at this [21:49] uh [22:06] wow let's do that again no no no no no no [22:28] that champion shall have the honor no no the privilege of going forth and rescuing the [22:50] lovely princess fiona from the fiery king of the dragon if for any reason the winner [22:58] is unsuccessful the first runner-up shall take his place and so on and so forth some [23:06] of you may die but that is a risk i am willing to take [23:19] let the tournament begin [23:28] it's hideous well that's not very nice he's just a donkey indeed knight's new plan first [23:39] one to kill the ogre is the champion have at him whoa whoa [24:18] oh [24:29] oh [24:41] oh [24:53] here [25:05] this is christine chandler i'll be depicting scene 23 as shrek exit the ring the crowd [25:11] cheers yeah yeah well the bad guy i forget his name communicates to the uh armed forces [25:22] and shrek becomes a bit offended and donkey is scared shocked [25:26] i give you our champion the crowd cheers what congratulations ogre you have what the honor [25:38] of going on a great adobo quest says i gotta forget his name still i'm already out of quest [25:47] a quest to get my swot back your swamp yeah my swamp where you dump those fairytale creatures [25:55] all right okay i'll make you a deal go on this quest for me and i'll give you your swap [26:01] book exactly the way it was right down to the last slime covered toadstool and this [26:07] quarters as good as gone what kind of quests and i guess that's it for scene 23 of shrek [26:19] okay let me get this straight you're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just [26:23] so far caught will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because you filled it [26:27] full of freaks in the first place is that about right you know what maybe there's a [26:30] good reason donkey shouldn't talk yeah i don't get it shrek why don't you just pull some [26:34] of that ogre stuff on him you know throttle him lay siege to his fortress grind his bones [26:39] to make your bread you know the whole ogre trip oh and know what maybe i could have decapitated [26:44] entire village and put their heads on a plate got a knife cut up on their spleen and drink [26:49] their fluids does that sound good to you uh no not really no for your information there's [26:57] a lot more to ogres than people think like what okay example uh okay um ogres are like [27:06] onions they stink yes no oh they make you cry no oh you leave them out in the sun they [27:13] get all brown start sprouting little white hair no layers onions have layers ogres have [27:20] layers onions have layers did you get it we both have layers oh okay yeah you both have [27:28] layers huh you know not everyone likes onions cake cakes have layers everybody loves cake [27:37] i don't care what everyone likes ogres are not like cakes [27:47] you know what else everybody likes parfaits have you ever met a person you say hey let's [27:51] go get some puffers and they're like oh no i don't like no coffee parfaits are delicious [27:54] no you dent irritating miniature beast of burden ogres are like onions end of story [28:01] bye bye see you later [28:09] parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet you know i think i preferred [28:13] your humming do you have a tissue saying i make it a mess just the word parfait makes [28:33] me start slobbering [28:37] did you just do that you gotta warn somebody before he just cracked one off my mouth was [29:01] open and everything believe me donkey if it was me you'd be dead it's brimstone we're [29:13] getting close yeah right brimstone don't be talking about it's brimstone i know what i [29:17] smell it wasn't no brimstone didn't come off no stone [29:36] neither [29:38] sure it's big enough but look at the location [29:41] uh [ __ ] remember when you said that uh that that ogres have layers oh i well i have a [29:54] bit of a confession to make donkeys don't have layers we we wear our fear right out [29:59] there in our sleeves wait a second donkeys don't have sleeves you know what i mean shrek [30:06] you know what i mean well you can't tell me you're afraid of heights no i'm just a little [30:11] bit uncomfortable about being on a riggety bridge over a bowling like a llama [30:16] come on donkey i'm right here beside you for emotional support really really really okay [30:28] that makes me feel so much better i'm looking down oh go to continue just let me go from [30:44] there please but you're already halfway but i know that half is safe okay fine i don't [30:52] have time for this you go back no way let's have a dance wait shall we ah don't do that [30:57] oh i'm sorry do what oh this get that yes yes do it okay [31:07] oh god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die oh that'll do donkey that'll do [31:26] cool so where's this fire breathing pain in the neck anyway inside waiting for us to rescue [31:34] her i was talking about the dragon track [31:55] you afraid no [ __ ] oh good me neither [32:01] because there's nothing wrong with being afraid fear is a sensible response to an unfamiliar [32:09] situation unfamiliar dangerous situation i might add with a dragon that breathes fire [32:14] and eats nights breathe fire it sure doesn't mean you're coward if you're a little scared [32:19] because i sure as heck ain't no coward donkey two things okay shot up now go over there [32:30] and see if you can find any stairs stairs i thought i was looking for a princess the [32:34] princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower what makes you think [32:40] she'll be there i read it in a book once cool you handle the dragon i'll handle the stairs [32:47] i'll find those stairs i'll whip their butt too that's right those stairs won't know which [32:51] way they're headed fear not shrek i am an excellent stair stepper [32:58] that's right stairs watch out donkey's gonna step all over you [33:02] well at least we know where the princess is but where's the dragon [33:13] duncan look out gotcha [33:31] oh no oh no [34:30] oh sure i mean of course you're a girl dragon you're just freaking a feminine beauty what's [34:53] the matter with you you got some of your eyes oh man i would love to stay but i am an asthmatic [35:02] and i don't know if it'd work out gonna blow smoke rings [35:05] hmm [35:47] what are you princess fiona i am are waiting a night so bold as to rescue me oh that's [35:56] nice now let's go but wait a third night this beef our first meeting should it not be a [36:02] wonderful romantic moment yeah sorry lady there's no time hey wait what are you doing [36:09] you know you should sweep me off my feet out the under window and down the road onto your [36:14] valiant steed you've had a lot of time to plan this haven't you [36:18] but we have to savor this moment you could recite an epic poem for me a ballad a sonnet [36:31] a limerick or something i don't think so well can i at least know the name of my champion [36:41] um [36:42] i pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude [36:54] thanks [36:56] you didn't slay the dragon it's on my to-do list now come on but this isn't right you're [37:03] meant to charge and swore the drone banner flying that's what all the other knights did [37:08] yeah right before they burst into flames you know that's not the point wait where are you [37:14] going the exit's over there well i have to save my ass what kind of night are you one [37:23] of a kind slow down slow down slow down okay baby please look i i believe it's healthy [37:27] to get to make them for a long period of time you know just call me old-fashioned yeah i [37:34] just don't want to rush into a physical relationship i'm not emotionally ready for a commitment [37:40] of this this magnitude really that's the word i'm looking for magnitude that is unwanted [37:46] physical contact hey what are you doing okay okay okay look listen let's back up a little [37:56] and take this one i mean we should really get to know each other you know his friends [38:01] or maybe even his pen pals because i'm on the road a lot and i just looked at the cards [39:03] well i just don't know what to say hey what do you do now [39:26] it talks yeah getting him to shut up is the hard part [40:42] ah [40:47] okay you two get to the exit i'll take care of the dragon [41:08] oh [41:11] wow [41:14] hmm [41:16] steed [41:19] hmm [41:22] no [41:23] huh [41:24] no it's destiny you must know how it goes a princess locked away in a tower is rescued [41:30] by a brave knight and then they share true love's first kiss wait a minute you think [41:38] shrek is your true love well yes what is so funny let's just say i'm not your [41:55] type okay of course you are you're my rescuer now remove your helmet i really don't think [42:03] this is a good idea take off the helmet take it off no now okay easy as you command your [42:13] highness [42:14] oh so you were just expecting prince charming uh well i mean actually [42:34] no this is all wrong you're not supposed to be an ogre princess i was sent here by lord [42:45] farquaad to rescue you okay he's the one that wants to marry you well why didn't he come [42:50] rescue me good question you should ask him that when we get there but i have to be rescued [42:57] by my true love not some ogre and his pet well so much for noble steed look princess [43:04] you're not making my job any easier well i'm sorry but your job is not my problem you can [43:10] tell lord farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly i'll be waiting for him right [43:17] here hey i'm nobody's messenger boy alright i'm the delivery boy you wouldn't dare you [43:26] coming donkey oh yep i'm right behind you put me down or you will suffer the consequences [43:35] this is not dignified okay so here's another question say there's a woman that digs you [43:44] right but you don't really like her that way how do you let her down real easy so her feelings [43:48] aren't hurt but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten how you do that you just tell [43:52] her she's not your true love everyone knows what happens when you find yours hey the sooner [43:58] we get to do lock the better yeah you're gonna love it there princess this is this big stinky [44:08] video i want to take things sky hollow don't say that to my dungeon keep that lip shut [44:15] oh you a big stinky pig are you you're a big stinky donut girl you're gonna go all greek [44:20] for this little boy you know fiona you might see men in his stats that are in shorts of [44:26] light that's one tiny little freak yeah donkey that's what we're talking about to keep this [44:32] rift going yeah slay that pig my boy he's three feet tall and he smells like pass [44:39] you can say a small freak like him belongs in the coffin killed it dog destroyed it donkey [44:44] what's up is that a lord fire quarters up my lunch bring bring that little tasty boy [44:47] over here i'm gonna put in my stomach on shut that pole definitely one more i'm gonna use [45:00] this boat now i'll do what you say hey over here shrek we could do better than that i [45:10] don't think this is fit for a princess no new it's perfect it just needs a few homey [45:15] touches homie touches like what a door well gentlemen i beat thee good night you want [45:25] me to read you a bedtime story i will i said good night shrek what are you doing i just [45:35] you know uh come on i was just kidding [45:38] and uh that one that one's throwback the only order to ever spit over three wheat fields [45:45] right hey yeah can you tell me my future from these stars well the stars don't tell the [45:48] future's donkey they tell stories look there's blood not the flatulence ha ha guess what [45:51] he's famous for ha i know you're making this up no look there he is and there's a group [45:54] of hundreds running away from a stunt man that ain't nothing but a bunch of little dogs [45:57] you know donkeys sometimes things are more than they appear forget it hey shrek when [46:00] are we going to get our swamp back anyway our swamp you know when we're through rescuing [46:03] the princess duncan there's no weed there's hour there's just me and my swamp the first [46:06] thing i'm going to do is build a 10-foot wall around my land got me deep shrek you cut me [46:09] real deep just now you know what i think i think this whole wall thing is just a way [46:12] to keep somebody out no do you think are you hiding something never mind donkey oh this [46:16] is another one of those onion things it doesn't know this is one of those drop in the leaves [46:18] all alone things why don't you want to talk about it why do you always want to talk about [46:22] it why are you blocking i'm not blocking oh yes you are donkey i'm warning you who are [46:24] you trying to keep out everyone okay oh now we're getting somewhere oh for the love of [46:27] peace what's your problem what do you have against the whole world anyway look i'm not [46:30] the one with the promo kids the world that seems to have a problem with me people take [46:32] one look at me and go ah help run a big stupid ugly ogre they judge me before they even know [46:36] me that's why i'm better off alone you know what when we met i didn't think he was just [46:44] a big stupid ugly ogre yeah i know so uh are there any donkeys up there well there's i'm [46:49] gabby the small and annoying okay okay i see it now the big shiny one right there that [46:53] one there that's the moon okay [47:02] in [47:55] is [48:01] is [48:02] i don't see a way i don't see a way hey [48:28] again show me again [48:59] mirror mirror show her to me show me the princess [49:02] perfect [49:42] uh [50:23] hey [50:24] daddy [50:41] dude [51:00] what it's a compliment better out than i always say well that's the way to behave in front [51:04] of a princess thanks well she nasty as you shrek you know you're not exactly what i expected [51:15] well maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them [51:24] and i am rescuing you from this big green what beast hey that's my princess go find [51:41] your own please monster can't you see i'm a little busy right now look pal i don't know [51:48] who you think you are of course how rude of me lola please allow me to introduce myself [51:55] to you oh married man we steal from the rich and give to the needy i take a little cup [52:05] cause i ain't greedy i say bad babies hell yeah i'm good who's the man yeah baby that's [52:15] me mr hood i'm like an honest fight and spice to my mate yeah i guess what i'm saying is [52:39] i like to get laid that's bad yeah right i'ma show you who's beat make your knees go in [52:44] my shaft i'm leaving [52:45] that song was an annoyance to me that's it i've had enough of your shenanigans [52:54] i've had about enough of this particular situation i'm gonna show you guys what happens when [53:00] a girl fights and it's i'm gonna fight [53:20] well let's get a move on hold the phone [53:24] whoa whoa whoa where did that come from that back there that was amazing where did you [53:32] learn that well when one lives alone one must learn these things there's an arrow in your [53:37] butt oh would you look at that oh no this is all my fault i'm so sorry that's gonna [53:44] die uh i'm i'm worried it's infected what's wrong shrek's hurt shrek's hurt sharks hurt [53:52] oh no strict's gonna die donkey i'm okay you can't do this to me shrek i'm too young for [53:59] you to die keep your legs elevated turn your head and cough does anybody know the heimlich [54:04] donkey calm down if you really want to help shrek run into the woods and get us a blue [54:10] flower with red thorns blue flowers on blue flower with red stones what are the flowers [54:18] for for getting rid of donkey all right now you hold still and i'll yank this thing out [54:23] oh wait no but we've got to get it out of there tender would you oh stand still no wait [54:31] what you're doing is the opposite of help time out time out hold on okay what do you [54:37] propose we do blue flowers blue flowers redstone blue flowers this is much easier than colorblind [54:45] blue flowers red tone blue flowers ready to go on hold on like i'm coming [54:55] fine stop talking it'll be over soon [54:58] no no i know what you're thinking no don't get hey look no no if you wanted to be alone [55:13] no no no all you had to do is ask okay it's not like that the princess and i were just [55:20] never felt so good outside [55:32] yeah i never felt so alive what are these thoughts inside my mind could it be love could [55:56] it be love for the very first time fiona got a secret and all the time we'll tell how long [56:04] she can keep it turn around and freak it hit the dance floor and make the tennis shoe squeaking [56:07] i can just tell she's climbing over the wall into my world and if i just fail i ain't lying [56:33] i think [56:38] i never felt so good [56:50] there it is princess your future awaits you that's dudlock yeah i know shrek thinks lord [57:02] farquaad is compensated for something which i think means he has a really ow um i uh i [57:09] guess we better move on sure but shrek i'm worried about donkey what i mean look at him [57:19] he doesn't look so good what are you talking about i'm fine that's what they always say [57:23] and then the next thing you know you're on her back dead you know she's right you look [57:30] awful you want to sit down you know i'll make you some tea well i don't want to say nothing [57:36] but i got this twinge in my neck when i turn my head like this look ow see who's hungry [57:41] i'll find us some dinner i'll get the firewood hey where are you going oh man i can't feel [57:46] my toes i don't have any toes i think i need a hug [57:59] wow this is good this is really good what is this [58:10] no kidding this is delicious [58:12] guess i'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night [58:28] sometimes [58:47] i like that [58:52] yes man isn't this romantic just look at that sunset just sunset oh no it's late it's it's [59:15] really late [59:16] oh wait a minute i see what's going on here you're afraid of the dark aren't you [59:25] yes yes that's it i'm terrified i better go inside don't feel bad princess i used to be [59:36] afraid of the dark too until um actually i am still afraid of the dark very much afraid [59:42] of it belong to me oh now i see what's really going on here what are you talking about i [60:04] don't even wanna hear it in an animal and i got instincts and you two were digging on [60:09] each other i can feel it oh you're crazy i am just bringing her back to farquaad oh come [60:15] on shrek wake up and smell the pheromones just go in there and tell her how you feel [60:19] there's nothing to tell besides even if i did tell her that i you know and i'm not saying [60:25] i do cause i don't she's a princess and i'm an ogre yeah and over hey where are you going [60:31] to get more firewood [60:52] princess fiona princess fiona [61:13] donkey it's me i'm the princess in this body oh my god you ate the princess donkey no princess [61:23] fiona stop can you hear me just keep breathing this is me [61:31] princess you look uh different i'm ugly okay yeah you're ugly was this something you ate [61:47] because i told you not to eat those rats i've been this way as long as i can remember what [61:51] do you mean i don't remember you looking like this it's only after the sun goes down by [61:58] night one way by day another this shall be the norm until you find true love's first [62:07] kiss and then take love's true form oh that's beautiful i didn't know you wrote poetry it's [62:15] a spell when i was a little girl a witch put a curse on me so i was put in a tower to wait [62:21] for my true love to come find me that's why i have to marry before the sun sets before [62:30] this all right all right all right all right calm down okay [62:41] you're not that ugly [62:42] okay you ugly but okay look on the bright side you're only ugly at night shrek's ugly [62:47] 24 7. yeah but but i'm a princess and this is not how a princess is supposed to look [62:59] princess did you ever think about not marrying farquaad what no no i have to that is the [63:06] only way the spell is broken well you're part ogre and shrek he you know you two got a lot [63:14] in common shrek [63:19] princess i how's it going first of all good good for me too i'm okay i saw this flower [63:29] and i thought of you because it's pretty and well i don't really like it but i thought [63:37] you might like it because you're pretty but i like you anyways i uh [63:48] uh [63:51] i'm in trouble [63:56] okay here we go [64:03] i can't just marry whoever i want take a good look at me donkey i mean really who can ever [64:10] love a beef so hideous and ugly princess and ugly don't go together that's why i can't [64:15] stay here with shrek my only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love [64:28] don't you see donkey it's just how it has to be it's the only way i can live happily [64:38] ever after the only way i can break the spell [64:43] you gotta at least tell shrek no no you cannot be the word of this to anyone [64:53] what's the point being able to talk if you got to keep secrets promise me you won't tell [64:59] promise all right i promise i won't tell him but you should [65:05] i tell him not i tell him shrek shrek there's something i want are you all right perfect [66:10] never been there i i there's something i have to tell you you don't have to tell me anything [66:18] princess i heard enough last night you heard what i said everywhere i thought you'd understand [66:25] i understand like you said who could love a hideous ugly but i thought that wouldn't [66:32] matter to you yeah well it does ah right on time princess i brought you a little something [66:43] as promised now hand it over very well ogre the dtr swap cleared out as agreed taken and [67:06] go before i changed my mind forgive me princess for startling you but you startled me for [67:14] i've never seen such a radiant beauty before i'm lord farquaad lord farquaad oh no no forgive [67:27] me my lord for i was just saying a short [67:29] farewell that is so sweet you don't need to waste good manners on the ogre it's not like [67:40] it has feelings no you're right it doesn't princess fiona beautiful fair flawless fiona [67:48] i ask your hand in marriage and will you be the perfect bride for the perfect group [68:01] lord farquaad i accept nothing would make excellent i'll start the plans but tomorrow [68:08] we wed no i mean why wait let's get married today before the sun sets oh anxious are you [68:19] you're right the sooner the better there's so much to do the cicada the cake the pants [68:24] the guests captain rammed up some guests [68:26] what are you doing you're letting her get away yeah so what there's something about [68:33] her that you don't know shrek look i talked to her last night i know you talked to her [68:34] last night you're great pals aren't ya now you two are such good friends fighting for [68:35] a whole home trick i want to go with you hey i told you jen and i you're not coming home [68:51] with me i live alone my swamp me nobody else on the sand nobody especially useless pathetic [69:08] annoying [69:09] the only way you're going to learn is to admit to your faults and you've got to not to control [69:14] your temper just learn to be cool like the snow on the mountains like the cold weather [69:21] like the air conditioner and air conditioning in your heart and your house and you can do [69:27] it i saw you have so much victory and so much on your and your many shrek cartoons [69:35] i heard there was a secret choir that david played and pleased the lord but i didn't know [70:01] really do you care for the music do you i posed like this upon the fifth a major fall [70:42] a major [70:44] hallelujah [70:45] maybe it's been here before i [70:51] i love not the victory march [71:03] and broken hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah [71:25] and all i ever learned from love [71:51] hallelujah hallelujah they love you and they know that's not the really you they know that [71:54] you can overcome your faults and your anger and your misunderstandings and and donkey [72:00] really loves you he really cares about you he's a brother of love i tried what i did [72:08] or i was just lost my temper i would have left a donkey though and i went with my sweet [72:14] girlfriend my wife that became a shred from a human i'm sorry it will never happen again [72:20] go get that woman you love sweat i will i will i will i can't wait to see her i love [72:30] my my wife better than i love any sweet ice cream or any favorite hobby i've ever had [72:33] i love my lady shrek i hope you find someone too dave i think she's i don't think she's [72:39] a shrek yeah she's just right she's she's okay i don't know she became a shrek from [72:43] a human okay i have the videos at home cool hey guys well today is the deadline for me [72:50] to submit my submission for the shrent remake but i've got a confession to make you see [72:56] despite doing all sorts of jokes about the trumpeter goblinoid over the years when i [73:02] was asked to contribute to this remake i'd never actually seen shronk i'm very old when [73:08] compared to younger people so when shrink came out i was far too large and smart to [73:13] be delighted by its fake goblins and donkeys it was released just before my 23rd birthday [73:19] and my motto at the time was only real donkeys and goblins for the j-man but over the years [73:26] i've gotten smaller and stupider so i figured now might be the time to finally pop my shroud [73:32] tape into the player and see what all the goblin-related fuss was all about well let [73:38] me tell you as the film started to play my jaw did not drop nor did it wiggle from side [73:46] to side in fact my jaw stayed right where i like it a few inches to the left shrimp [73:54] tells the tale of an ancient but stupid land where michael chiklitz turned green and goblinish [74:01] shrimp attempts to kill lord farm quartz by throwing him into a shallow well-cushioned [74:07] pit it doesn't work so the movie ends without resolution teaching children the important [74:12] lesson that not all things come to an end so what was it like for me to finally see [74:18] this children's classic for the first time as a 40 year old man who has actually seen [74:23] shred hundreds of times and is lying well i think it's important to heed the message [74:29] of shreerd and remember that not all things have an ending [74:33] warp speed [75:09] um excuse me can we just skip ahead to the ideas [75:15] go on [75:32] what now donkey there's a line there's a line you gotta wait for the priest is gonna say [75:36] speaking now will forever hold your peace and that's when you say object oh i don't [75:41] have time for this wait what are you doing listen to me you love this woman don't you [75:45] yes you want to hold her yes please yes and you got to got that [75:55] all right cut it out when does the guy say the line we got to check it out what do you [76:02] see the whole town's in there [76:15] i object oh now what does he want hi everybody having a good time are ya i love doolock first [76:28] of all very clean what are you doing here really it's rude enough being alive when no [76:34] one wants you but showing up uninvited to a wedding fiona i need to talk to you well [76:40] it's a little late for that so if you'll excuse me no but you can't marry him and why not [76:47] because he's only marrying you to become king outrageous fiona don't listen to him he's [76:53] not your true love and what do you know about true love well i oh this is precious the ogre [77:06] has fallen in love with the princess oh good lord [77:19] who cares it's preposterous fiona my love we are about to kiss away from our happily [77:28] ever after now kiss me [77:30] by night one way by day another [77:38] i wanted to show you before [78:07] well uh that explains a lot ah it's disgusting guards guards i order you to get them out [78:18] of my sight now get them get them both this hook is called shred no this marriage is binding [78:39] and that makes me king see don't just stand there you [ __ ] the owner get out of my way [79:04] all right nobody move i got a dragon here and i'm not afraid to use it i'm a donkey [79:11] on the edge celebrity marriages never last do they [79:19] go ahead shrek uh fiona yes rick i i love you really really really [80:07] i love you too [80:29] until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's truth [80:33] fiona [80:34] are you all right what yes but i i don't understand i'm supposed to be beautiful [80:44] but you are beautiful [80:47] oh i was hoping this would be a happy [80:50] ending [80:51] meant for someone else enough for me [81:46] that's the way it seems my dreams [82:41] not a dress [83:04] if i [83:12] try [83:13] is [83:14] um [83:15] um [83:16] i believe in self-assertion destiny or diversion now it seems like i've got my head on straight [83:21] i'm a freak an aberration think i've made the right decision can't turn back now it [83:30] might be too late [83:32] and it's up to the moon and then back again the same old day same situation then the happiness [83:59] rears back [84:04] if anyone comes to play gonna get thrown out [84:23] i want to stay home today no way yeah yeah yeah yeah [85:45] so [85:48] i feel so please tell me baby [87:06] believe the things that would happen that we could achieve makes me wanna dance [88:20] this is [88:21] somebody [88:25] uh [88:29] is [88:33] oh [88:37] there is something that i see in the way you look at me there's a smile there's a truth [89:13] in your eyes but an unexpected way on this unexpected day could it be this is where i [89:34] belong [89:36] it is you [89:41] rushes through my veins and i'm filled with the sweetest devotion as i i look [89:59] it's no more mystery it is heart searched for so long it [90:00] that is loved