Pet Shop Denies Parrot Death Before Clerk Pivots to Forestry Ambition

Monty Python Dead Parrot — Cinematheia

Cinematheia

A consumer grievance over a deceased Norwegian Blue collapses when the merchant offers an inadequate slug substitute and confesses his desire to work as a lumberjack.

AI-assisted summary of Monty Python Dead Parrot — original source. Check the original for full context.

Source published:

Key ideas

  • A pet shop customer attempts to return a Norwegian Blue parrot purchased less than thirty minutes earlier, insisting the bird is stone-dead despite the merchant's bizarre excuses. (0:00)
  • The shopkeeper repeatedly rationalizes the bird's total immobility, claiming it is merely resting, easily stunned, pining for the fjords, or nailed down to prevent it from bolting. (0:00)
  • A relentless barrage of death euphemisms forces the shopkeeper to concede the bird is dead, though he can only offer a non-talking slug as a replacement. (2:15)
  • The customer dispute dissolves entirely when the shopkeeper abandons retail pet sales to declare his lifelong desire to be a lumberjack in British Columbia. (2:15)

Detailed notes

## Background Published on YouTube by the channel Cinematheia on December 6, 2013, this video features the classic Monty Python sketch revolving around a dead parrot. The accompanying description links to external Cinematheia pages and excitedly proclaims that Monty Python has reunited.

## TL;DR A frustrated customer returns to a pet shop to complain that the Norwegian Blue parrot he purchased thirty minutes prior is completely dead. The shopkeeper stubbornly refuses to acknowledge the bird's demise, concocting bizarre explanations such as the bird resting, pining for the fjords, or being stunned. After the customer unleashes an iconic, theatrical barrage of euphemisms insisting it is an 'ex-parrot,' the shopkeeper reveals he is out of replacement parrots and offers a non-talking slug instead. The confrontation ends abruptly when the shopkeeper abandons the dispute entirely to confess his true passion for becoming a lumberjack in British Columbia.

## Atmosphere & style The sketch carries a razor-sharp, satirical atmosphere driven by deadpan absurdity and escalating theatrical exasperation. Watching the scene feels like witnessing an exercise in bureaucratic gaslighting, where rigid British decorum clashes with the blatant physical reality of a limp, counter-banged carcass. The dynamic swings from petty, clipped bickering into a manic crescendo of verbal fury before delightfully dissolving into pure surrealism.

## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) A pet shop customer attempts to return a Norwegian Blue parrot purchased less than thirty minutes earlier, insisting the bird is stone-dead despite the merchant's bizarre excuses. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The shopkeeper repeatedly rationalizes the bird's total immobility, claiming it is merely resting, easily stunned, pining for the fjords, or nailed down to prevent it from bolting. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) A relentless barrage of death euphemisms forces the shopkeeper to concede the bird is dead, though he can only offer a non-talking slug as a replacement. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) The customer dispute dissolves entirely when the shopkeeper abandons retail pet sales to declare his lifelong desire to be a lumberjack in British Columbia.

## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The customer returns to the pet shop within half an hour of purchase after discovering the Norwegian Blue parrot is dead. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The shopkeeper initially attempts to evade the complaint by claiming the shop is closing for lunch. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The shopkeeper repeatedly deflects accusations of selling a dead bird by praising the Norwegian Blue's remarkable species and beautiful plumage. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) When the customer violently shakes the cage and bangs the parrot on the counter, the shopkeeper argues the bird was merely stunned while waking up. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The merchant excuses the bird's immobility by claiming it is fatigued from squawking or pining for the Norwegian fjords. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The customer reveals the parrot was nailed to its perch to stay upright, an act the shopkeeper defends as necessary to stop the bird from escaping. - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The shopkeeper claims that lying flat on its back is simply the Norwegian Blue's natural resting posture. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) The customer delivers an exhaustive litany of death euphemisms, ultimately declaring the creature an 'ex-parrot.' - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) Conceding the argument, the shopkeeper checks the back room for a replacement parrot but discovers they are completely out of stock. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) The customer rejects the shopkeeper's substitute offer of a slug on the grounds that it cannot talk. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) The dispute concludes with the shopkeeper abandoning the argument to daydream about working as a lumberjack floating logs in British Columbia.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) The Complaint and the Resting Norwegian Blue

A disgruntled customer enters a pet boutique intent on lodging a formal grievance, only to be met by a shopkeeper eager to brush him off by claiming the shop is closing for lunch. Brushing aside the shopkeeper's excuses, the customer insists on addressing the condition of the Norwegian Blue parrot he purchased less than thirty minutes earlier. When the shopkeeper asks what could possibly be wrong with it, the customer delivers his blunt diagnosis: “I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead. That's what's wrong with it.” The shopkeeper immediately contradicts him, claiming the bird is merely resting. He deflects the accusation by marveling at the species, remarking on what a remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue is and praising its beautiful plumage. Unimpressed, the customer retorts that plumage does not change the fact that the creature is stone-dead.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: The Dead Parrot Dispute accDescr: Flowchart illustrating the pet shop customer's attempts to prove the parrot is dead against the shopkeeper's absurd excuses.

subgraph PetShop["Pet Shop Confrontation"] A["Customer registers complaint: Parrot is dead"] --> B{"Shopkeeper's Counter-arguments"} B -->|"Excuse 1"| C["Bird is just resting / admiring plumage"] B -->|"Excuse 2"| D["Bird was stunned after being woken up"] B -->|"Excuse 3"| E["Bird is pining for the fjords"] B -->|"Excuse 4"| F["Nailed down so it wouldn't 'voom' away"] end ```

To definitively prove his point, the customer decides to wake the sleeping bird himself. He shakes the cage, offers it a fresh cuttlefish, and shouts a raucous wake-up call into the bars: “Wakey, wakey! Rise and shine! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!” He bangs the lifeless bird against the counter, only for the shopkeeper to double down on denial, claiming the customer merely stunned the bird right as it was waking up because Norwegian Blues stun easily. The customer dismisses this absurdity, pointing out that when he bought the bird, he was assured its total lack of movement was simply due to fatigue following a prolonged squawk. When the shopkeeper suggests the bird was simply pining for the fjords, the customer reveals that upon closer inspection at home, he discovered the only reason the bird had remained upright on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there. The shopkeeper unblinkingly justifies this, arguing that if it had not been nailed down, the bird would have muscled up to the bars and bolted.

- The customer purchased the Norwegian Blue parrot less than half an hour before returning to complain. - The shopkeeper repeatedly uses the bird's "beautiful plumage" as a diversion to avoid admitting it is dead. - The customer points out that the bird fell flat on its back the moment he brought it home, which the shopkeeper claims is simply the species' preferred resting posture.

---

[02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=135s) An Ex-Parrot and the Lumberjack Ambition

Furious at the shopkeeper's unrelenting evasions, the customer erupts into a rapid-fire, theatrical litany of all the ways the bird has ceased living. He rejects the notion that the parrot is merely pining, declaring that it wouldn't move even if given four thousand volts of electricity. Pounding the counter and hoisting the limp carcass, he runs through every euphemism for death in the English language, proclaiming: “It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This... is an ex-parrot!” Conceding defeat in the face of this overwhelming display, the shopkeeper finally relents and agrees to check the back room for an acceptable replacement.

The customer mutters to himself about the exhausting effort required to get basic customer service, grumbling that one has to complain until blue in the face just to get anything accomplished. When the shopkeeper returns, however, he delivers bad news: they are completely out of parrots. In lieu of a avian companion, the shopkeeper offers a slug. When the customer dryly inquires whether the slug can talk, the shopkeeper admits it does not, prompting the customer to reject it as entirely inadequate. At this impasse, the pet shop owner abruptly breaks character and abandons the argument altogether, confessing his deep personal misery: “I didn't want to work in a pet shop. I wanted to be a lumberjack.” Despite the customer's bewildered objection that this career revelation is completely irrelevant, the shopkeeper launches passionately into his fantasy of leaping from tree to tree as logs float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia.

- The customer describes the bird as deceased, demised, expired, stiff, bereft of life, resting in peace, pushing up daisies, and an ex-parrot. - The shopkeeper offers a non-talking slug as a substitute for the dead Norwegian Blue. - The dispute dissolves as the shopkeeper pivots entirely from retail pet sales to romanticized aspirations of forestry in Western Canada.

## Mentioned Monty Python, Norwegian Blue, British Columbia, Cinematheia

## Video description More videos at http://www.cinematheia.com/ http://www.cinematheia.com/monty-pyth... MONTY PYTHON ARE BACK TOGETHER!

[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo)

中文简报

宠物店否认鹦鹉死亡 店员随后转谈伐木梦想 因一只已死挪威蓝鹦鹉引发的消费投诉陷入僵局，商家仅愿赔偿无用的蛞蝓，并吐露自己想当伐木工的愿望。 一名愤怒的顾客返回宠物店投诉，称自己半小时前购买的挪威蓝鹦鹉已经彻底死掉。店主顽固地拒绝承认鸟已死亡，反而编造出各种离奇借口，坚称鸟只是在休息、思念峡湾或是被吓晕了。在顾客连珠炮般用了大量经典戏剧性的委婉说法坚称这是一只“前鹦鹉”后，店主透露店内已无替换的鹦鹉，转而提供一只不会说话的蛞蝓作为替代。这场对峙随后戛然而止，店主彻底放弃争执，坦白了自己内心真正渴望成为不列颠哥伦比亚省伐木工的梦想。 一名宠物店顾客试图退还购买不到三十分钟的挪威蓝鹦鹉，坚称鸟已死透，而商家则不断搬出各种离奇借口。 (0:00) 店主一再为鸟的完全一动不动进行辩解，声称它只是在休息、容易被吓晕、在思念峡湾，或是被钉在架子上以防逃跑。 (0:00) 在一连串密集的死亡委婉语追问下，店主不得不承认鸟已死亡，但他只能提供一只不会说话的蛞蝓作为替代品。 (2:15) 店主彻底放弃宠物零售争端，转而宣告自己毕生想在不列颠哥伦比亚省当一名伐木工，消费纠纷就此不了了之。 (2:15)

Detailed notes — zh

## Background 该视频由频道 Cinematheia 于 2013 年 12 月 6 日发布在 YouTube 平台上。页面描述提供了 Cinematheia 网站的相关链接，并兴奋地宣布巨蟒剧团（Monty Python）成员再度重聚。 ## TL;DR 一名顾客带着刚买不到半小时的挪威蓝鹦鹉回到宠物店进行投诉，直截了当地指出鹦鹉早已死亡。店员却百般抵赖，坚称鹦鹉只是在休息、被吓晕或是正在“思念峡湾”，甚至在顾客揭发鹦鹉是被用钉子钉在栖木上后依然强词夺理。在顾客爆发出一长串经典的悼词式排比控诉其已彻底成为“前任鹦鹉”后，店员才假装答应换货，随即又以断货为由提议用鼻涕虫代替。最终，店员彻底抛开争执，向顾客倾诉起自己渴望前往不列颠哥伦比亚省成为一名伐木工的人生梦想。 ## Atmosphere & style 全片充斥着典型的英式冷幽默与极致荒诞的戏剧张力。约翰·克里斯饰演的顾客言辞激烈、步步紧逼，与迈克尔·帕林饰演的店员面不改色、信口开河的厚脸皮狡辩形成了极其强烈的反差喜剧效果。随着争论从荒唐的死因借口升级为机关枪般的悼词宣泄，最终却急转直下遁入伐木工的无厘头人生幻想，整个观赏过程既让人忍俊不禁，又充满戏剧狂想的酣畅淋漓感。 ## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 顾客在购买挪威蓝鹦鹉不到半小时后返回宠物店投诉，明确指出鹦鹉已死，但店员坚称其只是在休息或被吓晕。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 顾客揭露店员作假真相：该鹦鹉之所以能保持立姿，是因为其双脚被钉子直接钉在了栖木上。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 面对店员的持续抵赖，顾客使用了一长串教科书级的悼词式排比短语，痛陈这只鹦鹉已经彻底消亡（an ex-parrot）。 - [03:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=180s) 在鹦鹉断货后，店员提议用一只不会说话的鼻涕虫替代赔偿，随后突然吐露心声，坦白自己真正想做的是伐木工。 ## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 顾客向宠物店投诉半小时前购买的挪威蓝鹦鹉存在致命质量问题，直言它已经死亡。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 店员以鹦鹉羽毛极其漂亮为由转移视线，坚称鹦鹉并没有死而只是在休息。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 顾客通过晃动鸟笼、以墨鱼骨诱食以及用鸟尸敲打柜台等方式，试图证明鹦鹉毫无生机。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 店员面对毫无反应的鸟尸，辩称鹦鹉只是刚要醒来时被顾客的粗暴动作给吓晕了过去。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 店员此前解释鹦鹉一动不动是因为长时间尖叫后疲惫，或是正在思念挪威的峡湾。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 店员声称挪威蓝鹦鹉天生喜欢仰面躺着，掩盖鹦鹉刚到家就四脚朝天倒下的事实。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 顾客揭穿骗局：鹦鹉并非自主站立，而是被店员用钉子直接钉死在栖木上的。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 店员狡辩称将鸟钉在栖木上是为了防止它扒开铁条一飞冲天。 - [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 顾客以极具戏剧性的排比修辞宣告鹦鹉寿终正寝，形容其为已然入土长雏菊的“前任鹦鹉”。 - [03:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=180s) 店员最终同意换货，但假装去后台查看后宣称店内的鹦鹉已经全部售罄。 - [03:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=180s) 店员提出用一只不会说话的鼻涕虫作为赔偿方案，遭到顾客的断然拒绝。 - [03:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=180s) 店员在争执高潮突然偏离主题，坦白自己厌恶宠物店工作，内心真正渴望去加拿大当一名伐木工。 ## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=0s) 死鹦鹉与宠物店主的荒诞争论 一名顾客（由约翰·克里斯饰演）走进宠物店，打算对刚买的商品进行投诉，却在一开场就口误叫错了店员（由迈克尔·帕林饰演）的称呼。顾客辩解称自己是因为感冒而一时口误，并执意要在店铺午休关门前解决问题。他直截了当地指出，自己不到半小时前在这家店里买下的挪威蓝鹦鹉（Norwegian Blue）存在极其严重的质量问题。面对店员的询问，顾客斩钉截铁地表示：“I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead. That's what's wrong with it.” 店主却表现得若无其事，坚持坚称鹦鹉并没有死，而只是在“休息”。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 宠物店死鹦鹉争执流程 accDescr: 展示顾客揭露鹦鹉死亡与店员百般狡辩的来回推拉过程 subgraph S1["第一轮辩解：它只是在休息"] A["顾客投诉：鹦鹉不到半小时就死了"] --> B["店员狡辩：它只是在休息/羽毛很漂亮"] B --> C["顾客猛烈晃动鸟笼并大声呼唤"] end subgraph S2["第二轮狡辩：它被吓晕了/在思念峡湾"] C --> D["鸟完全不动，店员辩称：刚要醒就被你吓晕了"] D --> E["顾客质疑一动不动，店员辩称：它在思念峡湾/喜欢仰躺"] end subgraph S3["真相大白与彻底死亡"] E --> F["顾客揭露：鸟被用钉子钉在栖木上"] F --> G["顾客排比控诉：此鸟已然寿终正寝、绝非凡间之物"] end ``` 顾客试图用事实打破店员的狡辩，直接把脸凑到笼子前大声呼喊鹦鹉的名字“Polly”，甚至拿出新鲜的墨鱼骨作为诱饵，但鸟依然毫无生气。店员谎称鸟刚才动了一下，顾客立刻反驳那是店员自己推了笼子。为了证明鸟已经彻底死亡，顾客抓起鸟用力敲打柜台，并大喊清晨闹钟呼叫，鸟依然直挺挺地一动不动。即便面对这具僵硬的鸟尸，店员依然面不改色地胡搅蛮缠，辩称：“No, he's stunned.” 坚称鹦鹉只是在刚要醒来时被顾客粗暴的动作吓晕了过去。 - 顾客购买鹦鹉的时间距投诉不到半小时（not half an hour ago）。 - 涉及的鹦鹉品种为挪威蓝鹦鹉（Norwegian Blue），店员反复以其“羽毛极其漂亮（Beautiful plumage）”来转移视线。 - 顾客试图唤醒鹦鹉时的台词包括许诺给它新鲜墨鱼骨（fresh cuttlefish），以及大喊“九点钟闹钟叫醒（nine o'clock alarm call）”。 --- ### [01:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=110s) 钉在栖木上的鸟与经典悼词式排比 随着争执升级，顾客彻底失去了耐心，揭穿了购买时店员给出的种种荒唐借口。当时店员声称鹦鹉一动不动是因为长时间尖叫后精疲力竭，甚至荒谬地宣称它是在“思念峡湾（Pining for the fjords）”。顾客愤怒地质问，为什么鸟一拿回家就立刻四脚朝天地仰面翻倒，店员竟厚颜宣称挪威蓝鹦鹉天生就喜欢背部着地躺着。顾客随即抛出了致命证据：他亲自检查过这只鸟，发现它之所以能立在栖木上，仅仅是因为店员把它用钉子钉在了上面。面对这一揭露，店员甚至面不改色地反击道，如果不钉住它，这只鸟就会扒开铁条一飞冲天。 顾客被彻底激怒，反驳道就算通上4000伏高压电这只鸟也绝不可能飞起来。随后，他爆发出一长串教科书级的悼词式排比，倾泻而出地痛陈这只鸟已经彻底消亡的现实：“This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to see its maker.” 他控诉这只鹦鹉已经完全僵硬、毫无生命、入土为安，要不是被钉在栖木上早就已经“入土长雏菊（pushing up the daisies）”了，它早已拉下生命的大幕并加入了隐形唱诗班，这根本就是一只“前任鹦鹉（an ex-parrot）”。 - 店员解释鹦鹉不动的原因：尖叫后精疲力竭（tired and shagged out after a long squawk）、思念挪威峡湾（pining for the fjords）。 - 关键造假事实：鹦鹉是被用钉子钉在鸟架栖木上的（nailed to the perch）。 - 顾客对鹦鹉死亡状态的排比宣判： - “It's passed on.” - “This parrot is no more.” - “It has ceased to be.” - “It's expired and gone to see its maker.” - “Bereft of life, it rests in peace.” - “It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.” - “This is an ex-parrot!” --- ### [03:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo&t=180s) 换货闹剧与店员的伐木工梦想 在顾客雷霆般的质问下，店员终于做出让步，表示愿意为他更换一只鹦鹉。顾客无奈地自嘲道，在这个国家如果想办成任何事情，就必须一直抱怨到脸色发青才行。然而，店员假装走到后台检查了一圈后，两手空空地返回并告诉顾客：“Sorry, Squire, I've had a look. We're right out of parrots.” 店里的鹦鹉已经全部售罄。 作为替代方案，店员提议用一只鼻涕虫（slug）来赔偿。顾客难以置信地询问这只鼻涕虫会不会说话，店员坦白承认“并不怎么会”，顾客当即指出这根本算不上是合格的替代品。就在这荒诞的气氛达到顶点时，店员突然情绪崩溃并转移了话题，开始大吐苦水，坦言自己根本就不想在宠物店工作，自己内心真正渴望成为的是一名伐木工（lumberjack）。面对顾客试图将话题拉回退换鹦鹉的抗议，店员已经彻底沉浸在自己的宏大幻想中，双眼放光地描述起自己梦想中在不列颠哥伦比亚省（British Columbia）壮阔的河流上、从一根浮木跳到另一根浮木上的伐木工生涯。 - 换货提议：店员在鹦鹉断货后，试图用一只不会说话的鼻涕虫（slug）作为替代赔偿。 - 职业反差：店员坦承自己厌恶宠物店工作，真正的人生理想是去加拿大不列颠哥伦比亚省当一名在奔腾河流上跳跃浮木的伐木工（lumberjack）。 ## Mentioned 蒙提·派森 (Monty Python), 约翰·克里斯 (John Cleese), 迈克尔·帕林 (Michael Palin), 挪威蓝鹦鹉 (Norwegian Blue), 不列颠哥伦比亚省 (British Columbia), Cinematheia ## Video description More videos at http://www.cinematheia.com/ http://www.cinematheia.com/monty-pyth... MONTY PYTHON ARE BACK TOGETHER! [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZw35VUBdzo)

Original transcript

[0:00] *Pewds sounds* Thank you. Hello, I wish to register incomplete. Hello, miss. What do you mean, miss? Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint. Oh, sorry, we're closing for lunch. Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot. What I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. Oh, yes, sir, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it? I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead. That's what's wrong with it. Now, now, it's resting, look. Look, my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now. Nah, that's not dead, it's resting. Preston? Yeah, rest in. Remarkable bird of Norwegian blue, innit? Beautiful plumage. The plumage don't enter into it. It's still dead. Now it's resting. All right, then. If it's resting, I'll wake it up. Hello, Polly! I've got a nice fresh cuttlefish for you if you wake up, Mr Polly Barrett! There, he moved. - No, he didn't. That was you pushing the cage. - I didn't. Hello, Foddy! Thank you. Whiskey, whiskey! Raise and change! This is your nine o'clock alarm call! - - now that's what I call a dead parrot No, he's stunned. Stand! Yeah, you stunned him just as he was waking up. Norwegian Blue's done easily. I've had enough of this. That parrot is deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk. Boys! Pining for the fields. - Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat in its back the moment I got it home? Oh, well the Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on its back. Beautiful plumage. I took the liberty of examining that parrot. And I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there. Oh, but of course it was nowhere. I mean, if I hadn't nailed it there, it would have muscled up to those bars and boom! Yeah, mate. This parrot wouldn't boom if you put 4,000 volts through it. It's bleeding demise. No, it's pining. It's not pining. It's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased. To be. It's expired and gone to see its maker. is a late Parrot! It tastes stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This... is an X. Cut her! Well, I'd better replace you then. Thank you. If you want to get anything done in this country, you've got to complain till you're blue in the mud. Sorry, Squire, I've had a look. We're right out of parrots. I see. I get the picture. I get the picture. I've got a slug. Does it talk? Not really. Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then, is it? I didn't want to work in a pet shop. I wanted to be a lumberjack. I'm sorry, this is irrelevant. Yes! A lumberjack! Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia!