Acaster Mocks UK Museums Over Refusal to Return Stolen Global Relics

Still Watching Netflix

Acaster argues that Britain brazenly displays stolen colonial plunder in public museums while dismissing legitimate foreign repatriation claims with the childish excuse that it is still looking at them.

AI-assisted summary of James Acaster On The Absurdity Of The British Empire — original source. Check the original for full context.

Source published: 2019-11-12

Key ideas

Comedian James Acaster frames the expansion of the British Empire as a global heist where Britain plundered the planet and audaciously hid the stolen goods in plain sight within public museums. (0:00)
Acaster uses an interpersonal theft analogy to highlight the absurdity of modern museum curation, where stolen items are displayed under spotlights alongside descriptive plaques detailing their cultural importance to their original owners. (1:08)
When former colonies request the repatriation of their cultural heritage, Britain's institutional response is satirized as playground logic reduced to the excuse: 'We're still looking at it.' (2:02)
Acaster suggests modern British museums are largely populated by international tourists paying to see their own cultural heritage behind velvet ropes, proposing poetic justice via looting the museum gift shop. (2:22)

Detailed notes

## Background Published on YouTube by Still Watching Netflix on November 12, 2019, this comedy clip features stand-up comedian James Acaster taking center stage to discuss 'Old Blighty.' The accompanying description highlights his routine about the British Empire and how Britain continues to showcase stolen cultural property from other nations inside museum glass boxes.

## TL;DR James Acaster satirizes the British Empire by framing colonial expansion as a chaotic global robbery spree whose stolen loot was brazenly hidden in plain sight inside public museums. To illustrate the absurdity of refusing repatriation, Acaster compares the situation to a thief mounting someone's favorite possession in a multi-angled glass cabinet accompanied by an informative plaque explaining its cultural value. When rightful owners demand their goods back, Britain relies on playground excuses like 'finders keepers' and dismissively claims, 'we're still looking at it.' He concludes that international tourists are effectively forced to pay homage to their own stolen heritage behind velvet ropes, jokingly encouraging them to loot the museum gift shop to balance the ledger.

## Atmosphere & style The performance is razor-sharp, energetic, and biting, anchored by Acaster's trademark blend of deadpan indignance and theatrical absurdity. He adopts an animated, conversational storytelling style, skillfully alternating between the exaggerated swagger of historical looters and the patronizing sneer of modern museum curators. Watching the routine feels playfully confrontational, effortlessly shrinking massive geopolitical debates down to the petty, recognizable mechanics of an unrepentant playground bully.

## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) Comedian James Acaster frames the expansion of the British Empire as a global heist where Britain plundered the planet and audaciously hid the stolen goods in plain sight within public museums. - [01:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=68s) Acaster uses an interpersonal theft analogy to highlight the absurdity of modern museum curation, where stolen items are displayed under spotlights alongside descriptive plaques detailing their cultural importance to their original owners. - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) When former colonies request the repatriation of their cultural heritage, Britain's institutional response is satirized as playground logic reduced to the excuse: 'We're still looking at it.' - [02:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=142s) Acaster suggests modern British museums are largely populated by international tourists paying to see their own cultural heritage behind velvet ropes, proposing poetic justice via looting the museum gift shop.

## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) Imperial expansion occurred long ago, but crucially not long enough ago that it is not still deeply relevant today. - [00:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=14s) The British Empire's colonial expansion can be understood as an absurdly brazen historical robbery spree across the globe. - [00:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=31s) Placing stolen foreign artifacts inside public museums functions as an audacious strategy of hiding loot in plain sight. - [00:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=47s) Britain's defensive posture regarding repatriation claims mirrors playground logic, essentially relying on 'finders keepers, shut up.' - [01:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=68s) Scaling the national museum policy down to an interpersonal encounter exposes the utter insolence of keeping documented stolen property. - [01:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=88s) Museum curation mimics a thief lighting stolen goods from seven distinct angles instead of concealing them. - [01:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=98s) Museum plaques explicitly self-incriminate by documenting the stolen object's deep cultural and communal significance to its victims. - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) Claimant nations logically assume repatriation will be quick and straightforward given the undisputed evidence of theft. - [02:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=135s) The official British refusal to return cultural treasures is reduced to a childish justification: 'We're still looking at it.' - [02:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=148s) Britain patronizingly demands rightful owners not be selfish while allowing them only to view their own property from behind velvet ropes. - [02:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=172s) The British Museum's demographics reflect international tourists traveling to view their own stolen heritage rather than local citizens visiting. - [03:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=195s) Acaster envisions balancing the historical ledger through visitors unapologetically shoplifting from the museum gift shop.

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) The Great Imperial Heist and the "Clever" Hiding Spot

James Acaster opens by casting his mind back to a period of history that occurred a long time ago, though crucially “not long enough ago that it's not still very relevant.” In his telling, the entire British population boarded a massive vessel, embarked across the seas, and pulled off what sounds completely implausible: robbing literally everyone on the planet. Framing the expansion of the British Empire as a chaotic criminal spree or a grand heist, he points out that after gathering up all this global plunder, the British sailed back to Old Blighty and devised an allegedly ingenious strategy to conceal the loot: hiding it in plain sight inside a museum, on the premise that it is the very last place anyone would ever think to look.

Moving into the modern era, Acaster notes that the nations stripped of their cultural heritage are finally turning up and asking for their possessions back. Rather than experiencing any collective panic, Britain has settled on an uncompromising stance: an immediate and total blanket refusal. Anticipating the reactionary sentiment in the room, Acaster addresses audience members whose defensive instinct is essentially playground logic. As James Acaster observes of this national attitude, “Gents does and knocked it out of the park, 'finders keepers, shut up'.” While conceding that shouting "finders keepers" has undeniably served Britain remarkably well throughout history, he asks the audience to look at how ridiculous that posture becomes when scaled down to an interpersonal encounter.

- The imperial expansion is framed as the ultimate historical robbery spree where Britain acquired unimaginable piles of foreign "swag." - Rather than locking the loot in secret vaults, Britain chose the public museum system as its brazen hiding spot. - Modern requests for colonial repatriation are dismissed by the British establishment with a flat, unequivocal "no."

---

[01:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=68s) The Absurdity of the Glass Display Case Analogy

To expose the sheer insolence of keeping the artifacts, Acaster presents a vivid hypothetical scenario: imagine an individual thief stealing your absolute favorite possession. In this scenario, your suspicion is not a mere hunch; you know with absolute certainty who stole it, the entire community is aware of the theft, and authors have even published books detailing the crime. When you track down the culprit to demand its return, they make no attempt to flee or deny their actions. Standing at twice your size and completely unafraid, they have done the exact opposite of hiding the stolen property—they have mounted it inside an illuminated glass display cabinet.

Acaster highlights the sheer brazenness of museum curation when viewed through the lens of ordinary theft. The stolen object is illuminated from seven distinct angles so that its identity is unmistakable. Right beside the glass sits an official museum plaque explicitly identifying the object at the top, followed by a dedicated descriptive paragraph elaborating on just how culturally vital and irreplaceable this item is to you and your community. Faced with such overwhelming, self-incriminating evidence, any normal victim would reasonably conclude that the thief has zero defense and assume they are guaranteed to walk away with their property that very day.

```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: The Museum Display Case Analogy accDescr: Flowchart illustrating the steps of confronting an unapologetic thief displaying stolen cultural property. subgraph Crime["The Brazen Theft"] A["Thief steals your favorite item"] --> B["Crime is common knowledge & documented in books"] end subgraph Exhibition["The Unabashed Display"] B --> C["Thief displays item in glass case"] C --> D["Lit from 7 angles with explanatory plaque"] D --> E["Plaque explains item's cultural importance to victim"] end subgraph Expectation["The Victim's Expectation"] E --> F["Victim assumes easy recovery: 'Haven't got a leg to stand on'"] end ```

---

[02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) "We're Still Looking at It": British Refusals and the Museum Experience

Because the theft is so thoroughly documented and openly admitted, Acaster imagines foreign delegations arriving in Britain brimming with supreme confidence. A representative might tell their companions to just wait in the car since they will only be a jiffy, knock on the door, and politely propose righting historical wrongs: ancestors stole from ancestors, and it is time to return the goods. The visitor naturally assumes the person answering the door will instantly concede, since the theft is undeniable. Instead, Britain delivers an absurdly petty justification. As James Acaster mimics the official British response, “We're still looking at it.”

Britain's refusal is delivered with total, patronizing condescension, telling the aggrieved owners not to sulk or be selfish because other visitors have not had their turn to admire the stolen goods yet. While Britain will not surrender ownership, it graciously invites the rightful owners inside to view their own heirlooms—provided they stay safely behind the velvet rope. Acaster suggests this dynamic explains the demographics of the British Museum today: British citizens rarely visit; instead, the halls are packed with international tourists wandering the corridors just to catch a glimpse of their own cultural inheritance and reminiscing about the past. To balance the historical ledger, Acaster imagines these visitors finishing their tour by walking straight out into the lobby and unapologetically looting the gift shop.

- Foreign claimants realistically expect a straightforward handover: “Wait in the car, don't even need ya.” - Britain's official justification for holding stolen artifacts reduces global diplomacy to a child's excuse: “We're still looking at it.” - The dynamic turns international visitors into spectators of their own heritage, greeted with a taunting “Seem familiar?” before being barked at: “Stand behind the rope!” - Acaster's ultimate vision of poetic justice is visitors openly shoplifting the museum gift shop on their way out to settle the score: “That is one all, you punks.”

## Mentioned James Acaster, British Empire, British Museum, Netflix

## Video description The hilarious James Acaster takes centre stage with his stand up special about 'Old Blighty' and how we still showcase the property we stole from other countries in glass boxes in museums.

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#Comedy #JamesAcaster

[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY)

中文简报

阿卡斯特嘲讽英国博物馆拒绝归还掠夺的全球文物阿卡斯特指出，英国公然在公共博物馆中展出殖民时期掠夺的战利品，却以“我们还没看完”这种幼稚借口拒绝外国合法的文物归还诉求。詹姆斯·阿卡斯特通过将殖民扩张比作一场混乱的全球抢劫狂潮来讽刺大英帝国，并称其掠夺的赃物竟公然藏在公共博物馆中展示给世人。为了说明拒绝归还文物的荒谬性，阿卡斯特将这种情况比作一个小偷把别人的心爱之物放进多角度玻璃展柜，还附上说明牌解释其文化价值。当合法所有者要求归还物品时，英国却依赖于像“谁捡到就是谁的”这样的操场把戏式借口，轻蔑地声称“我们还没看完”。他最后指出，国际游客实际上是被迫在天鹅绒围栏后向自己被盗的遗产致敬，并开玩笑地鼓励他们去洗劫博物馆礼品店以实现收支平衡。喜剧演员詹姆斯·阿卡斯特将大英帝国的扩张描述为一场全球劫案，英国在洗劫地球后，公然将赃物藏在公共博物馆中供人观瞻。 (0:00) 阿卡斯特用人际盗窃类比来强调现代博物馆策展的荒谬性，被盗物品在聚光灯下展出，并附有说明牌详细介绍其对原主人的文化重要性。 (1:08) 当前殖民地要求归还其文化遗产时，英国机构的应对被讽刺为操场把戏般的逻辑，退化为一句借口：“我们还没看完。” (2:02) 阿卡斯特指出，现代英国博物馆里大部分是国际游客，他们花钱在天鹅绒围栏后观看属于自己的文化遗产；他戏称洗劫博物馆礼品店才算是一种诗意正义。 (2:22)

Detailed notes — zh

## Background 该视频由 YouTube 频道 Still Watching Netflix 于 2019 年 11 月 12 日发布。视频内容选自喜剧演员詹姆斯·埃卡斯特（James Acaster）的脱口秀专场，简介指出他登台讽刺了被称为“老布赖蒂”的英国，以及英国如何至今仍把从其他国家掠夺来的财物堂而皇之地陈列在博物馆的玻璃展柜中展示。 ## TL;DR 詹姆斯·埃卡斯特以辛辣幽默的笔触解构了大英帝国的殖民掠夺史，戏称这是一场全英出动洗劫全球的“世纪大劫案”，并把掠夺物大摇大摆地“藏”在博物馆里展出。他通过一个生动的个人抢劫比喻，揭示了受害者在面对铁证如山、展品带有详细文化说明的情况下，依然无法要回文物的荒谬境遇。面对被掠夺国家的归还诉求，英国官方以“我们还在看呢”等无赖借口予以全盘拒绝。埃卡斯特由此指出，大英博物馆里挤满的其实全是被迫买票隔着警戒绳瞻仰自家文物的外国受害者，充满了对殖民主义傲慢的极致讽刺。 ## Atmosphere & style 整场表演节奏紧凑且充满冷面幽默（deadpan），埃卡斯特以看似漫不经心却极具穿透力的讽刺语调直击英国殖民历史的痛处。现场氛围热烈而戏剧化，他通过惟妙惟肖的角色扮演，从蛮横庞大的劫匪无缝切换到傲慢推诿的博物馆管理者，语气在假意友善与严厉喝止之间自如翻转。观众在开怀大笑的同时，也能深刻感受到那种直面历史荒诞与强盗逻辑时的哭笑不得与辛辣刺痛。 ## Bulletin - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 喜剧演员詹姆斯·埃卡斯特（James Acaster）指出大英帝国的全球掠夺不仅深刻影响当下，还将战利品公开展出于博物馆作为“藏赃”手段。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 面对各国要求归还被盗文物的诉求，英国官方采取了全面拒绝（blanket no）的态度，并以“谁捡到就是谁的”这一强盗逻辑合理化占有行为。 - [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 埃卡斯特通过将国别侵占具象化为个人抢劫场景，讽刺博物馆不仅用多角度打光高调展示赃物，还立牌详述其对原主文化的非凡价值。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 大英博物馆以“我们还在看”等借口拒绝归还，导致原主只能买票并隔着警戒线瞻仰祖传遗产，揭示了文化展示背后的荒诞殖民现实。 ## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 大英帝国的远洋劫掠并非久远的古代历史，而是与现代地缘及文化问题息息相关的现实议题。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 英国将全球掠夺来的战利品集中运回本土，并以博物馆作为展示与藏匿赃物的场所。 - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 面对现代被掠夺国家的文物追索请求，英国官方的态度是一概坚决拒绝（blanket no）。 - [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 帝国主义长期依靠“谁捡到就是谁的”（Finders keepers）逻辑为其非法占有历史文物的行径辩解。 - [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 若将国家层面的掠夺具象化为个人间的抢劫，侵占者体量庞大且毫无惧色地公开所盗之物，极具荒谬感。 - [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 博物馆用玻璃展柜与多角度专业打光展出赃物，构成了白纸黑字坐实罪证的“反向藏匿”。 - [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 展柜旁的说明标牌详细记录了文物对原主及其文化的重要性，反而成为不义之财归属的铁证。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 受害国家往往天真地以为只需前来交涉就能物归原主，却遭遇英国“我们还在看呢”的无赖推托。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 英国管理者反过来指责受害方索要文物的行为“自私”，因为还有许多人没能参观这些展品。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 原本文物的主人必须买票进入博物馆，且被厉声喝止退到警戒绳后面，深刻揭露了殖民权力的傲慢。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 大英博物馆游客络绎不绝的真相是，大量外国游客前去瞻仰与悼念本属于自己国家的祖传遗产。 - [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) 受害者顺手洗劫出口礼品店的讽刺性遐想，生动表达了被殖民群体对历史不公的黑色幽默式反抗与清算心愿。 ## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=0s) 史上最大劫案与“藏在博物馆”的天才逻辑喜剧演员詹姆斯·埃卡斯特（James Acaster）以一种荒诞而犀利的口吻回顾了大英帝国的殖民历史。他指出，这发生在很久以前，“但又没有久远到与当下毫无关联的程度”。当时全英国的人似乎都登上一艘巨大的旧船扬帆起航，进行了一场听起来极其荒谬的全球大劫掠——洗劫了世界上的每一个国家。埃卡斯特讽刺地将这段历史称为一场狂欢式的“世纪大劫案”（the great heist）。英国人将劫掠得来的战利品运回了“老布赖蒂”（Old Blighty，英国的别称），并且采取了一种自认为最聪明的隐藏手段：把赃物大摇大摆地藏在博物馆里，因为那里通常是“别人最不可能去寻找的地方”。然而到了现代，那些被掠夺的国家纷纷前来要求归还文物，但英国的态度却异常坚决。正如 James Acaster 所调侃的那样：“但大家别担心，我们完全是一概拒绝。” - 历史定调：英国过去的远洋劫掠并非遥不可及的古代历史，而是深刻影响至今的现实议题。 - 逻辑反讽：把盗窃而来的物品堂而皇之地放在博物馆展出，竟被当成最保险的“藏赃”策略。 - 现代立场：面对多国的文物归还诉求，英国官方采取的是无差别的全面拒绝态度（blanket no）。 ### [00:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=49s) 荒诞的个人比喻：七个角度打光的玻璃展柜埃卡斯特注意到台下部分观众可能会心生不满，抱着“谁捡到就是谁的，闭嘴吧”（Finders keepers, shut up）的帝国主义傲慢心态。他顺水推舟地调侃道，这种强盗逻辑在过去确实屡试不爽、成果丰硕。但为了让观众设身处地体会这种荒唐，他将国家间的不义行为具象化为个人之间的抢劫场景： ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 个人被劫场景比喻 accDescr: 展现被抢劫者去索要个人物品时面对的荒诞情境 subgraph 抢劫事实 A["个人心爱之物被强行抢走"] --> B["行窃者身份人尽皆知且有书为证"] end subgraph 索要遭遇 B --> C["劫匪体型庞大且毫不心虚"] C --> D["赃物被置于七个角度打光的玻璃柜中"] D --> E["标牌详细记载物品对原主的文化价值"] end ``` 如果有人抢走了你最心爱的东西，你确切地知道凶手是谁，这不仅是人尽皆知的常识，甚至还有人为此专门著书立说。然而当你前去索要时，凶手不仅不逃跑，体型还是你的两倍大，毫无惧色。更绝的是，他们完全没有掩盖罪行，反而是“反向藏匿”——将它放在玻璃展柜里，用七个不同的角度专业打光，并在旁边立上说明标牌，上面不仅写明物品名称，还附带一整段关于这件物品对你和你的文化有多么重要的说明。面对这种铁证如山的情景，失主难免会自信地认为对方毫无立足之地，“今天肯定能把东西带回家了”。 - 认知不对称：受害方掌握确凿证据且事实昭然若揭，侵占方却依仗体量优势泰然处之。 - 讽刺核心：博物馆的陈列与解说牌不仅没有洗白掠夺行为，反而以白纸黑字的形式坐实了赃物的出处和归属。 ### [02:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY&t=122s) “我们还在看呢”与大英博物馆的日常带着这种十拿九稳的心态，受害国家前去交涉时，甚至会轻松地让同伴在车里等候，以为只需一句“咱们拨乱反正吧”就能解决问题。他们天真地以为英国人会痛快认错并归还物品，毕竟连英国人自己都承认是偷来的。然而英国人的实际回应却令人啼笑皆非。正如 James Acaster 模仿英国管理者的嘴脸所说：“我想不行，我们还在看呢。” 埃卡斯特绘声绘色地模仿那种傲慢又无赖的推托之词：英国人辩称还有很多人没看过这件文物，现在要回去未免“太自私了”。紧接着，他们又摆出一副假惺惺的友好姿态，邀请受害者买票进来看，甚至嘲讽地问对方“看着眼熟吧”，随后立刻厉声喝止：“退到警戒绳后面去！”（Stand behind the rope!）。埃卡斯特以此解释了大英博物馆门庭若市的真正原因：馆里根本没有英国本土游客，里面挤满的全是来自世界各地的外国人，专门跑来看属于他们自己的东西。他们在走廊里踱步，追忆本国昔日的辉煌历史。埃卡斯特最后打趣道，他脑海中浮现的画面是，这些外国人在参观结束离开时，理直气壮地顺手洗劫出口处的礼品店，以此作为对历史被掠夺的一种讽刺性扯平：“这下咱俩算一比一平手了，你们这帮混蛋。” - 话术解构：用“我们还在看”和“展示给别人看”等荒谬借口，将长期的非法占有合理化。 - 现实讽刺：大英博物馆的繁荣实质上构成了历史讽刺——原主需要买票并站在护栏外瞻仰本属于自己的祖传遗产。 ## Mentioned James Acaster, 大英帝国, 老布赖蒂, 大英博物馆, Netflix ## Video description The hilarious James Acaster takes centre stage with his stand up special about 'Old Blighty' and how we still showcase the property we stole from other countries in glass boxes in museums. ➡️SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE: http://bit.ly/29kBByr Find Netflix UK on: ➡️TWITTER: http://bit.ly/29lYvcs ➡️INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/29slD8O ➡️FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/29mx00a Or visit the Netflix WEBSITE: http://nflx.it/29BcWb5 About Netflix: #Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with over 158 million paid memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Members can watch as much as they want, anytime, anywhere, on any internet-connected screen. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without adverts or commitments. #Comedy #JamesAcaster [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x73PkUvArJY)

Original transcript

[0:00] - A long time ago, but not long enough ago [0:03] that it's not still very relevant [0:05] (audience laughs) [0:06] everyone in Britain got in a big old boat, [0:08] and we set sail and we robbed, [0:10] and this will sound far-fetched, [0:12] everyone in the world. [0:13] (audience laughs) [0:14] Do you remember that? [0:15] What a spree that was? [0:16] Do you remember the great heist? [0:17] What a spree. [0:18] (audience laughs) [0:21] And we got all this swag didn't we? [0:22] And we took it back to old blighty [0:24] and we hid it, this is the clever part, [0:25] we hid it in a museum. [0:28] (audience laughs) [0:32] Last place anyone looks. [0:35] Now it's the modern day, [0:37] and all them countries we stole stuff from [0:38] are asking for their stuff back. [0:40] But don't be worried. [0:41] We're totally saying a blanket no. [0:44] (audience laughs) [0:49] Now, a few of you are sitting there, [0:50] I can see your angry faces, [0:51] like "So what? Finders keepers, shut up." [0:54] And-- (audience laughs) [0:57] listen, in your defense, "finders keepers, shut up" [1:00] has worked very well for us so far. [1:02] Gents does and knocked it out of the park [1:04] "finders keepers, shut up". [1:08] But even you got to admit, right, [1:10] if someone stole something off you as an individual, [1:12] it was your favorite thing and they nicked it, [1:13] and you knew who had nicked it by the way [1:15] for a fact, not a hunch, you know who's stolen it. [1:19] Everybody knows, it's common knowledge. [1:21] Some people have written books about it. [1:23] They have definitely nicked it off you. [1:24] (audience laughs) [1:26] You go to ask for it back, and they just standing there. [1:28] They're not even running away. [1:29] And they're twice your size, they ain't scared. [1:30] They haven't even bothered to hide it. [1:32] They've done the opposite of hiding it actually. [1:33] They put it in a glass display case. [1:35] (audience laughs) [1:36] It's lit from seven different angles, real clear what it is. [1:39] There's no disputing it's the same thing [1:41] that once belonged to you cause there's a plaque next to it, [1:44] says exactly what it is at the top of the plaque, [1:46] and then a paragraph underneath [1:48] about how important it is to you and your culture. [1:50] (audience laughs) [1:55] You'd be forgiven for thinking, "Mmm I'm pretty sure [1:57] "they haven't got a leg to stand on here. [1:59] (audience laughs) [2:00] "Probably gonna take this home today." [2:02] Must have been so confident, all them countries [2:04] when they asked for their stuffs back. [2:05] Walking up to Britain, saying to their friends, [2:07] "Wait in the car, don't even need ya. [2:09] "Be back in a jiffy mate. [2:14] "Hey man, a while ago, a lot of your ancestors [2:16] "stole loads of stuff from my ancestors. [2:18] "Yeah, I'm here to take them home. [2:20] "Let's right this wrong, what do you say?" [2:23] They must have thought the British person at the door [2:25] was gonna go, "Absolutely you can have them back. [2:29] "We stole them after all." [2:31] But instead we went, "I don't think so. [2:36] (audience laughs) [2:37] "We're still looking at it. [2:39] (audience laughs and cheers) [2:48] "Yeah, just looking at it these days. [2:51] "And there's a lot of other people who haven't seen it yet [2:52] "we'd quite like to show it to. [2:54] "So not right now selfish. [2:56] (audience laughs) [3:00] "Don't sulk about it. [3:00] "Look, it's no hard feelings mate. [3:02] "Hey, you can look at it, come on in. [3:03] "Have a look; have a look. [3:04] "Seem familiar? [3:06] (evil chortle) [3:08] "Stand behind the rope!" [3:10] (audience laughs) [3:13] That's why the British Museum is so busy all the time. [3:15] No British people ever go in there, [3:16] it's full of people from abroad looking at their own stuff. [3:19] (audience laughs) [3:21] Just walking the corridors, [3:22] reminiscing about the good old days. [3:24] And I imagine just openly robbing the gift shop at the end. [3:26] That is one all you punks.