Marisa Peer Uses Repetitive Subconscious Reframing to Reshape Behavior
The Diary Of A CEO
Deep-seated behavioral patterns and physical issues stem from core childhood beliefs of inadequacy that can be rapidly altered through targeted subconscious reframing.
AI-assisted summary of The No.1 Celebrity Therapist: The WEIRD Trick To Get Your Sex Life Back! - Marisa Peer — original source. Check the original for full context.
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Detailed notes
## Background This episode of 'The Diary Of A CEO' was published on YouTube by Steven Bartlett on September 18, 2023. The page description presents a discussion with celebrity therapist Marisa Peer exploring the mechanics of the human mind, changing beliefs, overcoming trauma, and transforming your sex life.
## TL;DR Celebrity therapist Marisa Peer joins Steven Bartlett to explore how subconscious beliefs shape reality, physical health, and romantic relationships. They discuss the psychological forces behind relationship self-sabotage, erectile dysfunction, and modern dating anxieties, offering practical strategies like visualization and reframing to overcome them. Peer also conducts an live hypnosis session with Bartlett to trace his sugar cravings back to childhood deprivation and reframe his relationship with food.
## Atmosphere & style The conversation carries an intimate, highly engaging, and transformative tone, blending deep psychological theory with live, vulnerable demonstrations. Bartlett's candid personal disclosures about his past relationship sabotage and hidden childhood insecurities create a safe space that allows Peer to demonstrate her rapid therapeutic techniques in real time. The mood shifts seamlessly from lighthearted exercise to profound, emotional breakthrough, making the listener feel like a quiet witness to a genuinely life-changing coaching session.
## Key takeaways - [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=0s) Roughly 80% of personal success is driven by core internal beliefs, and the subconscious mind actively works to turn whatever thoughts you hold into reality. - [01:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=109s) You can consciously upgrade your beliefs; because of confirmation bias, your brain continuously searches for evidence to support whatever you choose to believe. - [03:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=228s) The subconscious mind responds to intentional statements rather than abstract logic, meaning you can trick your brain out of fear or pain by repeating positive narratives. - [06:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=395s) The mind operates by three main rules: thoughts act as physiological blueprints, produce real physical and emotional reactions, and learn primarily through repetition. - [08:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=509s) The strongest psychological force in a human being is the need to act consistently with how they define themselves. - [11:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=668s) Performance anxiety and physical issues like erectile dysfunction are often driven by negative mental scripts that can be rewritten through intentional visualization. - [17:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1030s) Long-term relationships face a fundamental conflict between intimacy (which thrives on safety and predictability) and eroticism (which requires novelty, mystery, and fantasy). - [20:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1201s) Slipping into parental roles or treating a partner like a child destroys erotic boundaries and kills sexual desire. - [24:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1483s) Human biology responds to perceived novelty with physiological changes, such as increased sperm outtake, which can be triggered using consensual roleplay. - [31:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1888s) When people cannot verbally express boundaries or distress, the mind and body create physical or behavioral escape mechanisms to avoid commitment or confrontation. - [35:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2109s) Self-sabotage and procrastination are fundamentally rooted in the fear of not being enough or the fear of arriving at an unwanted destination. - [37:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2224s) Healthy relationships require categorizing needs into non-negotiables, flexible preferences, and minor items that can be relinquished, rather than expecting one partner to be perfect. - [41:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2492s) Attracting a healthy partner requires an unshakeable sense of self-worth and shifting from asking 'Will they like me?' to evaluating 'Are they a good fit for my life?' - [54:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3243s) Every fundamental human struggle boils down to three core beliefs: 'I am different, so I can't connect', 'What I want is not available to me', or 'I am not enough'. - [59:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3581s) Cravings and addictive behaviors are rarely about the physical item itself, but rather the emotional feeling of autonomy, comfort, or control associated with it in childhood. - [01:18:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4715s) Internalizing the core statement 'I am enough' eliminates the feeling of lack that drives destructive behaviors, excessive cravings, and low self-esteem.
## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=0s) Introduction: The Power of Thoughts and Beliefs
Therapist Marisa Peer opens by outlining a fundamental premise of her work: across the 16,000 therapists she has trained, there are ultimately only three fundamental underlying issues present in every person who seeks therapy. She highlights how roughly 80% of personal success stems directly from belief systems. However, holding negative self-beliefs—such as feeling "not good enough, smart enough, or attractive enough"—actively works against an individual, as the mind's primary task is to make whatever thoughts one holds into reality.
To illustrate how profoundly beliefs alter biological reality, Marisa points to the dynamics of intimacy and fertility. She references cases where women struggled to conceive due to low sperm counts in their partners, noting the stark physiological shift that occurs when men are in novel sexual encounters, where sperm counts can dramatically surge. She touches upon why people engage in affairs—often not from a lack of love, but out of a perceived absence of vitality—and warns against counterproductive relational language, such as referring to a romantic partner as "mommy" or "daddy." Turning to host Steven Bartlett, Marisa offers to demonstrate the power of rapid hypnosis directly on him to eliminate his sugar cravings on the spot.
- **Success Factor:** 80% of success is driven by core internal beliefs. - **Hypnosis Setup:** Marisa promises to demonstrate a live hypnosis session to eliminate Steven's sugar cravings.
---
[01:49](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=109s) Can We Choose and Upgrade Our Beliefs?
Steven brings up a central question he has been pondering and recently wrote about: whether human beings can actively choose their beliefs, given how deeply beliefs govern everyday life. Reflecting on her own background, Marisa shares that while her childhood was neither terrible nor amazing, the beliefs she holds today are completely different from those of her youth because she deliberately chose to upgrade them. She emphasizes the cycle: first, you form your beliefs, and then your beliefs turn around and form you. Through confirmation bias, the brain constantly seeks out evidence to validate whatever it has chosen to believe.
To demonstrate this, Marisa compares attitudes toward pets. If someone decides cats are "vicious, scratchy, and aloof," or that dogs are "yappy, horrible things," meeting those animals will trigger anxiety and create a self-fulfilling loop. Conversely, viewing dogs as "loyal, gorgeous, and loving" creates an entirely different personal energy and outcome. She urges people to constantly audit their mindsets by asking: *"Where did I get that from? Is that true? Who told me that belief, and does it have to be true for me?"* She notes how cultural paradigms shift across generations—for instance, historical assumptions that wealthy, successful women could not find romantic partners no longer hold true today, just as younger generations are actively shedding body-shaming tropes.
---
[03:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=228s) "Lie, Cheat, and Steal": Tricking the Mind for Success
Steven playing devil's advocate notes that changing a belief can feel like lying to oneself, especially if rooted in past childhood experiences like being bullied at age seven. Marisa forcefully responds that people *should* lie to themselves in these scenarios, offering a memorable mantra: "Lie, cheat, and steal every day of your life—lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the confidence you were born with."
``` ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ Adopt a New Thought │ │ ("I am cool & collected")│ └────────────┬─────────────┘ │ ▼ ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ Subconscious Feeling │ │ (Calmness & Safety) │ └────────────┬─────────────┘ │ ▼ ┌──────────────────────────┐ │ Physical Response │ │ (Blood flows normally, │ │ memory stays clear) │ └──────────────────────────┘ ```
She contrasts two internal dialogues before a major exam or assessment: - **Fear-based narrative:** *"I'm going to fail, I've got a terrible memory, my mind will go blank."* - **Empowered narrative:** *"I've got a great memory, everything I studied is in my head, I'm cool, calm, collected, and going to ace this."*
Marisa explains that the subconscious mind does not process abstract logic or debate whether a statement is literally true; it simply feels and responds. Under acute fear, the brain triggers a fight-or-flight mechanism where blood rushes to the heart, emptying the conscious mind of memory—a phenomenon Marisa personally experienced years ago when a stalker followed her home, leaving her so panicked she temporarily forgot how her front door key worked despite living there for five years. Because the mind's job is simply to make your thoughts real, directing it with intentional, positive commands forces it to align physical and mental performance accordingly.
---
[06:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=395s) Rules of the Mind: Repetition and Reframing
Marisa outlines fundamental operational rules of the mind: 1. Every thought you think acts as a literal blueprint that your mind and body work to make real. 2. Every thought produces a tangible physical reaction and an emotional response. 3. The mind learns primarily through repetition.
To alter one's experience, one does not necessarily need to change external events, but rather the internal framing of those events. A stressful daily commute on a congested freeway can be framed as "killing me," or it can be viewed through the lens of gratitude: having a functional car, a stable job, and an income. Since a belief is merely a thought thought repeatedly, individuals can consciously reframe their narrative at any point.
- **Mind Rule 1:** Thoughts serve as physiological blueprints. - **Mind Rule 2:** Every thought triggers both a physical and emotional response. - **Mind Rule 3:** The mind learns and automates through repetition.
---
[08:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=509s) Breaking Self-Imposed Labels and Identity Friction
When Marisa asks Steven about a persistent belief he struggles to change, he admits to viewing himself as fundamentally disorganized. Despite having a very high productive output, his physical belongings—from his travel bag to his house—frequently end up in chaotic disarray. Steven recalls mentioning on a previous podcast that his hotel rooms often look like a "bomb went off," and acknowledges that while he dislikes the mess, he historically convinced himself that "it's faster to be messy."
Marisa points out that the strongest psychological force in any human being is the need to act consistently with how they define themselves. When someone repeatedly declares "I'm just a messy person" or "I can't spell because my dad couldn't," they lock that identity in place. To break this, Marisa shares how she recently transformed her own workout routine following an accident that caused muscle atrophy in her leg. Despite historically preferring yoga and Pilates, she began telling herself every morning at 7:30 AM, "I love heavy weights!" By repeatedly affirming this new identity, her mindset shifted completely. She advises Steven to adopt the deliberate affirmation: *"I love being organized, it gives me immense joy to put stuff away."*
> "The strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you."
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[11:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=668s) Interactive Demonstrations: The Lemon and the Flexible Arm
To prove how rapidly the subconscious mind translates thought into physical action, Marisa guides Steven through two physical exercises:
#### The Lemon Visualization Marisa asks Steven to close his eyes and imagine holding a large, juicy lemon slice. She guides him to smell it, squeeze juice onto his tongue, and bite directly into the flesh. Upon opening his eyes, Steven confirms his mouth immediately began producing excess saliva. Marisa points out that while no physical lemon existed in the room, a very real lemon existed inside his mind, producing a immediate physiological reaction.
``` ┌─────────────────────────────────┐ ┌─────────────────────────────────┐ │ Imagined Visual / Thought │ ───► │ Physiological Reaction │ │ (Biting into a juicy lemon) │ │ (Salivary glands activate) │ └─────────────────────────────────┘ └─────────────────────────────────┘ ```
#### The Flexible Arm / Pretzel Test Steven extends his right arm and swings it behind him as far as possible to mark his natural range of motion, reaching the third book on a nearby shelf. Marisa then asks him to close his eyes and visualize his arm becoming soft and flexible like "cooked pasta," telling his brain it will go a third further like a "bendy Barbie and Ken doll." When Steven re-opens his eyes and swings his arm a second time, his arm moves significantly past its previous stopping point.
Marisa applies these physical demonstrations directly to performance anxiety and sexual dysfunction in men. Men who obsessively think "I can't perform" or "it's over in a minute" unintentionally condition their bodies to execute that exact failure. By altering the internal script to affirm strength, control, and endurance, physical function naturally aligns with the new mental blueprint.
---
[14:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=869s) Sexual Dysfunction, Libido, and Modern Pressure
Steven agrees, sharing that within his own male friendship group, conversations around sexual performance, libido, and erection difficulties are common. He notes that sexual function is one of the clearest examples where thoughts serve as both the underlying problem and the direct solution—a man can generate a real physical erection simply by visualizing an attractive image in an empty room, just as anxious thoughts can immediately shut that performance down.
Marisa confirms she treats clients dealing with sexual dysfunction constantly. She observes that while modern society talks more openly about sex, the ubiquitous presence of online pornography and idealized media creates artificial pressure and performance anxiety. Women frequently report an inability to achieve orgasm due to overthinking and "trying too hard," creating a cycle where high expectations actively inhibit natural biological responses.
[16:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=967s) The Pressure of Modern Sex and the Thief of Joy
Marisa Peer and Steven Bartlett explore how contemporary societal standards and adult media destroy healthy sex lives. Modern culture places immense pressure on individuals to conform to unrealistic physical and sexual ideals, forcing people to feel as though they must look and perform like porn stars or the Kardashians. Peer highlights how even female anatomy is subject to absurd expectations of perfection—pointing out that older generations never worried about vaginas or "Brazilians"—creating toxic body image issues.
Steven candidly admits that from a man's perspective, bedroom pressure is the absolute "enemy of an erection." When anxiety enters the dynamic, the body simply shuts down. Peer agrees, noting that "comparison is the thief of joy." When couples constantly measure themselves against scripted, highly edited media, authentic sexual connection becomes impossible.
- Media-driven expectations force people into trying to look and perform like porn stars, creating unsustainable pressure. - Sexual dysfunction in men often stems directly from performance anxiety and internal comparisons. - Peer emphasizes how body-shaming cultural trends now even target private anatomy, eroding self-esteem.
---
[17:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1030s) Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction and the Conflict Between Intimacy and Eroticism
Steven shares a personal story about a close friend—and acknowledges his own past struggles—who experienced sudden erectile dysfunction midway through a long-term relationship. Unable to maintain an erection or sustain sexual desire, his friend eventually broke off the relationship, believing the problem was permanent. Addressing listeners stuck in similar high-pressure cycles, Peer explains the psychological conflict at the heart of long-term relationships: the fundamental contradiction between *intimacy* and *eroticism*.
``` ┌──────────────────────────────────────┐ │ FANTASY │ │ (The bridge linking both worlds) │ └──────────────────┬───────────────────┘ │ ┌───────────────────────┴───────────────────────┐ ▼ ▼ ┌───────────────────────┐ ┌───────────────────────┐ │ INTIMACY │ │ EROTICISM │ │ Safety, Comfort, & │ │ Mystery, Suspense, │ │ Deep Mutual Knowledge │ │ & The Unknown │ └───────────────────────┘ └───────────────────────┘ ```
Intimacy thrives on safety, comfort, predictability, and deep mutual knowledge—knowing someone "inside out," accepting bad breath, illness, or quiet routines. Eroticism, however, demands mystery, suspense, drama, and the unknown. In the early stages of dating, novelty naturally fuels desire. But over time, predictable routines (such as having sex only on Saturday mornings before doing the grocery shopping) extinguish the erotic spark.
> "We want intimacy... someone that finishes my sentences, that knows when I'm hungry, that knows I'm having a bad day... But what great sex requires is mystery. What eroticism requires is not intimacy at all."
- **The Core Paradox:** The comfort that builds deep intimacy is often the exact element that kills erotic desire. - **Predictability Kills Desire:** Routines like unromantic foreplay or fixed weekly schedules strip away the excitement required for arousal. - **The Solution:** Fantasy acts as the vital bridge linking intimacy back to eroticism.
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[20:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1201s) Re-igniting the Spark: Fantasy, Novelty, and Avoiding the "Parent Trap"
To maintain a thriving sex life over decades, couples must deliberately introduce novelty, drama, and fantasy. Peer cites bestselling books like *Fifty Shades of Grey* as evidence that people crave permission to fantasize, and references her friends John and Missy Butcher (creators of Lifebook), who have maintained a passionate sex life after 35 years of marriage by prioritizing excitement. Peer also shares her own experience traveling worldwide with her husband, which prevents their routine from becoming stale.
Crucially, Peer warns against a subtle dynamic that destroys sexual desire: slipping into parental roles. When partners begin treating each other like children or parents—nagging about taking vitamins, asking if bills were paid, or calling each other "Mummy" or "Daddy" (even when talking to kids or pets)—the erotic boundary collapses.
> "The minute your partner is in any way mummy or daddy, you can't have sex with them... because who wants to have sex with their parents? That's really weird."
- **Embrace Roleplay:** Introducing dramatic themes, mystery, or pretend scenarios restores the distance needed for attraction. - **Opposites Attract:** In long-term relationships, partners often try to make each other identical, which destroys the dynamic polarity needed for sexual chemistry. - **Avoid the Parent Dynamic:** Mothering, nagging, or calling your partner "Mummy" or "Daddy" shifts the relationship into a non-sexual parent-child framework.
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[24:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1483s) Evolutionary Biology, Sperm Outtake, and Fertility Tricks
Drawing from evolutionary biology and the book *Sperm Wars*, Peer outlines how human biology reacts to novelty. From an evolutionary perspective, nature prioritizes the continuation of the species rather than monogamy. When a man engages with a new partner or acts out a novel sexual scenario, his body responds biologically:
``` ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ EVOLUTIONARY TRIGGER │ │ Novelty / Fantasy Scenario / Pretend "Stranger" │ └────────────────────────────────────┬────────────────────────────────────┘ │ ┌────────────────┴────────────────┐ ▼ ▼ ┌───────────────────────────┐ ┌───────────────────────────┐ │ MALE BODY │ │ FEMALE BODY │ │ Triples sperm outtake / │ │ Cervix tilts to suck up │ │ ejaculation volume │ │ sperm efficiently │ └───────────────────────────┘ └───────────────────────────┘ ```
Peer shares how she applied this research to help coaching clients struggling with fertility. She instructed couples to execute roleplay fantasies at hotels—acting as strangers or roleplaying figures like a plumber or gardener without breaking character. By leveraging these biological triggers, couples with low sperm counts successfully conceived naturally without expensive medical interventions.
- **Sperm Wars Insights:** Male sperm count triples when perceiving a partner as "new," while the female cervix alters its position to facilitate fertilization. - **The Ram Example:** Peer compares human biology to livestock behaviors, noting how male rams exhaust themselves attempting to mate with every female in a herd to ensure survival of the species. - **Actionable Advice:** Couples don't need to cheat; they can trick their primitive biology using consensual roleplay and location changes.
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[27:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1650s) Monogamy, Mutual Effort, and Meeting Your Partner's Needs
Addressing the reality of long-term commitment, Peer emphasizes that while nature doesn't inherently care about monogamy, humans choose it for love and stability. To make monogamy work, couples must consciously invest effort into keeping things fresh. She counters the popular belief that couples need constant space, sharing that she and her husband had only spent 11 days apart in 15 years despite working together every day, because they actively nurture their physical dynamic.
Peer also challenges the refusal to participate in a partner's harmless sexual desires. In a healthy relationship, partners compromise on small things all the time—such as attending events or eating when not particularly hungry. The same logic applies to intimacy: unless a partner's request is dangerous or painful, accommodating their fantasies builds profound goodwill and closeness.
> "If you love someone and assuming their fantasy isn't dangerous or painful or super weird, why not just see if you can do it?... In a relationship, if you do for each other, it's trading all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that."
- **Effort is Required:** Spontaneity diminishes over time; exciting sex requires deliberate planning and open-mindedness. - **The Selfishness of Weaponized Refusal:** Refusing intimacy entirely and condemning a partner to a sexless life erodes the core foundation of a romantic partnership. - **Reciprocity and Compromise:** Willingness to explore a partner's harmless kink fosters trust and encourages them to meet your desires in return.
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[29:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1786s) Channel Interlude and the Trapped Sexless Relationship
Steven pauses the conversation to share an update regarding *The Diary Of A CEO* YouTube analytics, noting that 69.9% of frequent viewers are not yet subscribed. He makes a direct promise to the audience to continuously improve show quality in exchange for hitting the subscribe button.
Returning to the topic, Steven brings up another friend who is currently trapped in a sexless relationship. While his partner is a lovely person who wants to settle down and start a family, Steven's friend finds himself mentally checking out. He describes feeling "possessed" by constant sexual temptation toward every woman he sees on the street, yet feels zero sexual desire for his actual partner. Peer diagnoses this classic pattern: the man feels trapped by external expectations to settle down, so his mind uses intrusive sexual fantasies about strangers as a coping mechanism to escape a relationship where he feels stifled.
- **Analytic Insight:** 69.9% of regular channel viewers watch without subscribing. - **Psychological Avoidance:** When someone feels pressured into settling down before they are ready, their subconscious mind creates intense external desire as an exit strategy or escape mechanism. - **The Trap of Misaligned Timelines:** Remaining in a relationship solely because the other person is "nice"—despite zero physical attraction or shared goals—leads to resentment and infidelity.
<FollowUp label="Want to explore how to transition back to intimacy after a prolonged sexless phase?" query="How do couples rebuild intimacy and sexual desire after a prolonged sexless phase in a long-term relationship?"/>
[31:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1888s) How the Unconscious Mind Uses Physical and Sexual Avoidance to Escape Commitment
Marisa Peer and the host begin by exploring how the unconscious mind invents ways to evade situations when a person is unable or unwilling to express their boundaries directly. Peer explains that when someone feels they cannot verbally admit "I'm not ready" or "I'm not comfortable," the physical body steps in to act out those suppressed feelings. She illustrates this dynamic through a client who lost his job but could not bring himself to tell his wife. Every day, he picked up his briefcase, walked to a local park, and sat there until he fell gravely ill with a physical condition. Ultimately, his wife told him he was too sick to work and must resign, sparing him the emotional burden of ever having to reveal he had been fired.
Peer reinforces this phenomenon with a well-known psychological maxim: "The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will make other organs weep." When an individual fails to speak up for themselves, the body develops peculiar, obscure, and often unhelpful ways to remove them from the uncomfortable situation.
* **Client Example:** A man hid his job loss from his wife by sitting in a park daily until his body manufactured a severe illness, forcing him to resign without having to confess the truth. * **Core Psychological Concept:** When a person cannot articulate their reluctance or distress, the body creates physical or behavioral escape mechanisms to act out those hidden boundary lines.
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[33:16](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1996s) The Host’s History of Relationship Self-Sabotage
The host opens up about his own long-standing pattern of self-sabotage in relationships, which began at age 14 and persisted into his mid-twenties. He shares a personal story about pursuing a girl named Jasmine for nearly four years while she was in a relationship with a guy named "John." The moment Jasmine finally became available and gave him a chance, the host was struck with fear and actively talked her out of getting together. Throughout his early twenties, whenever any sign of commitment emerged, he would manufacture excuses—such as claiming he was too busy or needed to focus entirely on becoming a millionaire—to back out.
Peer identifies this tactic as "the oldest trick in the book." As long as Jasmine was unavailable, pursuing her remained an safe, idealized dream. Once she was single and reachable, the fear of vulnerability set in: she might discover he wasn't "worthy" or "good enough." The host agrees, noting that during those years, the very idea of commitment felt like being locked in a prison.
* **The Jasmine Example:** The host doggedly pursued Jasmine from age 14 to 18 while she was unavailable, but the exact day she offered him a chance, panic set in and he talked her out of it. * **The "Commitment as Prison" Mindset:** Framing long-term relationships as a loss of freedom or a trap causes the mind to treat commitment as a threat and trigger escape behaviors.
---
[35:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2109s) Self-Sabotage, Procrastination, and the Mind's "Genie" Mechanism
Peer explains that the human mind functions like a genie, obeying every command and internalized statement literally. When an individual constantly tells themselves that commitment is a "prison," being tied down means "no more fun," or that marriage requires giving up their identity, the mind takes action to protect them from that perceived confinement. It will subvert potential relationships at the first sign of seriousness to shield the person from going to "jail."
Similarly, when someone dreads a public presentation and repeatedly thinks, "I don't want to do it," the body often responds by manifesting severe physical symptoms on the day of the speech—such as chronic diarrhea, a cold, or a migraine—to provide a legitimate excuse to get out of it. Peer emphasizes that self-sabotage and procrastination are fundamentally rooted in two deep fears: the fear of not being enough, or the fear of arriving at a destination you secretly do not want to go to.
> "Self-sabotage and procrastination are nothing more than the fear of either not being enough or not wanting to go where you think you're going."
* **Physical Manifestation:** Dreaded tasks or undesired commitments often manifest as sudden ailments (migraines, illness) because the mind takes literal instructions to escape the situation. * **Root Causes:** Sabotaging an outcome usually signals either an underlying belief that one is unsuited for it or a genuine reluctance to reach that specific goal.
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[37:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2224s) Evaluating Trauma vs. Incompatibility and Picking Battles in Relationships
The conversation shifts to addressing how one can distinguish between an avoidance pattern driven by unresolved trauma and a genuine sign that a partner or job is simply wrong for them. Peer suggests a practical mental exercise: picture life without that person or situation and evaluate whether life would be better or worse. Sharing a personal example from her own marriage, she notes that even when her husband occasionally annoys her—such as leaving a mess on the kitchen counter while making tea—imagining her life without him instantly clarifies that his presence makes her life significantly better.
Peer emphasizes the necessity of picking one's battles and categorizing needs into three distinct tiers rather than expecting a single partner to be a flawless "other half" who fulfills every desire:
1. **Non-Negotiable Needs:** Essential core values that must be met by a partner (e.g., radical honesty, clear communication about safety and whereabouts). 2. **Flexible Needs:** Desires that are nice to have, but if the partner doesn't fulfill them, you can handle them yourself (e.g., maintaining a perfectly tidy kitchen). 3. **Relinquished Needs:** Minor preferences that are simply not worth fighting over and should be let go entirely.
* **Example of Categorization:** Peer learned to close the door to her artist daughter's messy bedroom, recognizing that prioritizing a happy relationship with her daughter was far more important than insisting on a tidy room. * **Dispelling the "Half" Myth:** People are complete individuals rather than "halves" looking for another piece; expecting one person to fulfill every psychological and practical need is unrealistic.
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[39:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2366s) Overcoming Relationship Perfectionism and the "I Don't Want to Settle" Trap
The host reflects on an encounter with a 31- or 32-year-old woman in a bookstore who was searching for self-help books to fix her love life. Despite excelling in her career and going to the gym, she felt stuck, expressing a common sentiment: "I don't want to settle." The host noted how many high-achieving adults over 30 feel pressured by a ticking biological or social clock while simultaneously holding out for an idealized, perfect partner.
Peer addresses this mindset by challenging where and how people look for love. She points out that many people who claim to be searching for a partner routinely spend their weekends in environments devoid of prospective matches—such as going exclusively to yoga classes with only female attendance or hanging out solely in tight-knit groups of friends. Finding a partner requires active, intentional alignment between what one wants and where that type of person actually spends their time.
* **The Active Search Analogy:** Looking for love requires the same targeted, proactive approach as searching for a home or a career, rather than passively waiting for the right person to appear. * **Challenging Environment Choices:** To meet compatible partners, individuals must audit their routines and venture into places where those potential matches are actually present (e.g., swapping the yoga studio for the weight room or vice versa).
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[41:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2492s) Shifting to a Mindset of Self-Worth and Navigating Dating App Fatigue
Addressing the underlying belief that "there is something wrong with me," Peer highlights that the true foundation of attracting a healthy partner is establishing an unshakeable sense of self-worth. Instead of approaching dating from a stance of anxiety—worrying "Am I good enough for them?"—individuals must reframe their internal narrative to ask "Are they good enough for me?" Building this confidence requires daily, conscious reinforcement of the belief that one is worthy and deserving of deep love.
Peer and the host also discuss the paradox of choice presented by modern dating apps. Comparing them to an overwhelming 20-page restaurant menu, Peer notes that excessive options can induce decision paralysis and inflate expectations by displaying endless streams of idealized profiles. While apps can be useful for realizing how many people are seeking connection, relying solely on digital swiping often detaches people from meaningful, real-world interactions.
* **Reframing the Date:** Transitioning from an anxious, approval-seeking mindset ("Will they like me?") to a self-assured evaluation ("Are they a good fit for my life?"). * **The Menu Effect:** Abundant choices on dating apps can cause individuals to undervalue great potential partners by constantly comparing them to artificial or idealized standards.
---
[45:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2744s) The Difference Between Openness and Neediness in Finding Love
The segment concludes with a discussion on how desperation alters a person's perceived value. Peer points out that searching for a partner out of a sense of lack—feeling incomplete, hating being alone, or needing someone to complete them—creates an off-putting energy of neediness. In contrast, the most magnetic stance is having a full, fulfilling life on your own while remaining genuinely open to sharing it with an extraordinary person.
When society asks why an individual is single, reacting with defensiveness or shame reflects an internal belief that being single means being flawed. Peer shares her classic lighthearted response to people who asked why she wasn't married earlier in life: "I don't know, just lucky I guess!" Reframing singlehood as a choice rather than a defect protects one's self-esteem and prevents rushing into unfulfilling relationships simply to satisfy external expectations.
> "I need someone to complete me... is rather different to: I've got a great life and I'm ready to share it with someone amazing."
* **Completeness vs. Needing Completion:** Approaching dating from self-sufficiency attracts healthier dynamics than approaching it from panic or emotional dependency. * **Reframing External Pressure:** Rejecting societal judgment around singlehood allows individuals to wait for genuine compatibility rather than settling out of fear.
[46:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2790s) The Micro-Expressions of Low Self-Esteem in Relationships
Steven Bartlett reflects on a recurring pattern from his twenties where every person he romantically pursued rejected him once he moved past his initial commitment issues. Marisa Peer explains that these partners likely sensed his deep-seated fear of commitment and ended things before he could dump them. When Steven shares his theory that he must have been giving off thousands of micro-expressions signaling low value, Marisa confirms that humans instinctively pick up on self-worth at a level beyond conscious verbal communication. Trying to fake confidence by reading dating guides or books like *The Game* by Neil Strauss fails because people can sense the underlying lack of self-belief.
``` ┌──────────────────────────────┐ │ Inner Belief: "I'm Not Enough"│ └──────────────┬───────────────┘ │ ▼ ┌──────────────────────────────┐ │ Micro-Expressions & Signals │ └──────────────┬───────────────┘ │ ▼ ┌──────────────────────────────┐ │ Partner Senses Insecurity / │ │ Preemptively Rejects │ └──────────────────────────────┘ ```
Marisa shares a story about being put in a honeymoon suite alone while traveling in Zimbabwe just before meeting her husband, John. Rather than feeling sad or needy, she fully embraced the experience and felt completely happy on her own. Because she had reached a state of deep self-contentment without chasing or needing a partner, she was naturally receptive when she reconnected with John shortly after returning home, leading to their marriage ten months later.
* **The Fallacy of Outer Fixes:** Steven notes that reading matchmaking books and pick-up guides never changed his dating outcomes; his romantic life only transformed when his actual internal opinion of himself shifted. * **The "Lottery Effect":** Marisa recounts working with a client who won the lottery and noticed his girlfriends became more sexually satisfied. She joked that this is a global phenomenon because financial success gave the man an aura of supreme confidence, making him infinitely more attractive. * **The Distinction of Self-Esteem:** Marisa breaks down the word itself: while "esteem" is how high you hold someone else, "self-esteem" is how you regard yourself. Self-worth cannot be found externally in other people.
> "If you're looking for self-esteem anywhere outside of yourself, you're not going to find it... Self-esteem is not out there, it's in here."
---
[54:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3243s) Uncovering Childhood Roots and the Three Core Human Issues
When Steven asks how Marisa would counsel a 20-year-old version of himself, she emphasizes looking at formative childhood experiences rather than asking "what's wrong with you." Steven opens up about growing up as a Black kid in a predominantly white area, living in a dilapidated house in Plymouth. He admits he was so deeply ashamed of his home life that he never brought a single friend or girl home in sixteen years, masking his profound insecurity behind a facade of confidence.
Marisa outlines her core therapeutic framework, explaining that across the 16,000 therapists she has trained globally, every human struggle boils down to three fundamental core beliefs: 1. **"I'm different, so I can't connect."** 2. **"I want something that's not available to me."** 3. **"I'm not enough"** (or smart/attractive/good enough).
``` ┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ THE 3 CORE HUMAN STRUGGLES │ ├──────────────────────────────┬──────────────────────────────┤ │ 1. "I'm different" │ Prevents genuine connection │ │ 2. "It's not available to me"│ Creates scarcity mindset │ │ 3. "I'm not enough" │ Destroys self-worth │ └──────────────────────────────┴──────────────────────────────┘ ```
In emotional battles, feeling and emotion always defeat logic. Although Steven achieved immense business success and financial wealth later in life, his primitive brain continued to seek out familiar childhood patterns of shame and feeling out of control. For example, his intense distress over a messy room isn't about the mess itself, but because it unconsciously triggers memories of his chaotic childhood home.
* **Parenting's Primary Purpose:** Marisa argues that a parent's or school's primary job is to build a child's self-esteem—far above teaching Latin, Mandarin, or eating organic broccoli. * **The Role Model Effect:** Citing Paul McCartney and his children (like Stella and Mary), Marisa notes how kids who grow up in loving, secure environments easily form healthy adult relationships because "you learn what you live." * **Reframing the Mind:** To break negative cycles, one must consciously talk themselves *out* of negative interpretations rather than talking themselves *into* them.
> "In a battle between emotion and logic, emotion wins every single time."
---
[59:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3581s) Breaking Cravings and the Origin of the Sugar Spiral
Shifting the discussion to physical habits, Steven confesses to a private struggle: despite working out daily and recently quitting alcohol, he periodically falls into two-week "sugar spirals" where he compulsively binges on sweets. Marisa explains that cravings are rarely about the physical substance; they are driven by what the item emotionally represented in childhood.
Marisa leads Steven through an impromptu regression exercise, asking him to close his eyes and reconnect with his younger self. Steven recalls that his family never had treats or nice food in the fridge due to financial strain. As a young boy, he would go to the corner shop after school and steal sweets. When asked how stealing those sweets made him feel back then, Steven reveals that eating them gave him a rare sense of **control** and made him feel **equal to his peers**.
Marisa helps Steven bridge the gap between his childhood deprivation and his modern adult behavior. When Steven denies himself sugar today, his primitive mind feels as though it is being subjected to the same childhood scarcity and powerlessness, triggering an urgent drive to regain control through bingeing.
* **Indifference over Restriction:** True freedom from food cravings comes from total indifference rather than willpower or restrictive dieting. * **The Emotional Subtext:** Sweets weren't just candy for young Steven; they were a symbol of social connection and self-sovereignty in an environment where he felt different and deprived.
Here is a detailed, faithful walkthrough based on the transcript provided:
[01:01:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3711s) "I'm Choosing to Say No, and I'm Choosing to Love It"
Marisa Peer explains that when people go on strict diets, they inadvertently trigger an overwhelming desire for forbidden foods. They view foods through a "traffic light" mental model where red means completely banned (like sugar and chocolate), amber is borderline, and green consists of foods like lettuce, carrots, and grilled fish. Because the human mind rebels against scarcity ("If I can't have it, I want it so much"), restricting yourself creates deep cravings rooted in childhood feelings of missing out.
To break this psychological trap, Marisa introduces what she calls a "magic sentence." Instead of feeling deprived, you must remind yourself that you *can* have chocolate every single day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but state: *"I'm choosing to say no, and I'm choosing to love it."* She illustrates this dynamic with a story about a billionaire client who brings retro sweets like Refreshers and sherbet onto his superyacht simply because his parents forbade them when he was a child. Stephen Bartlett reflects on how his own parents were strict about sugar. Marisa notes that people are ultimately searching for the emotional high or sense of autonomy associated with a forbidden item rather than the physical item itself, and that emotional state can easily be generated without consuming the treat.
- **The Diet "Traffic Light" System**: Red (banned items), Amber (cautionary foods), Green (lettuce, salad, carrots, grilled fish). - **Key Insight**: Cravings are often about seeking a specific childhood feeling of freedom or pleasure, not the item itself.
---
[01:03:42](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3822s) Live Hypnosis: Returning to the Seven-Year-Old on the Grassy Bank
Marisa offers to hypnotize Stephen right on set to trace his sugar cravings back to their origin and reframe them. She instructs him to fix his gaze upward, take deep breaths, and close his eyes while focusing on the feeling of heavy, glued-shut eyelids. Once Stephen enters a relaxed hypnotic state, Marisa counts backward from five to one, guiding his mind to a pivotal scene from his childhood.
Stephen identifies a memory of being seven years old, sitting alone on a grassy hill during summer, looking into his lunchbox filled with "boring, disappointing" sandwiches. Guided by Marisa to feel those exact emotions, Stephen recalls feeling powerless and envious of other kids who had money to buy sweets or better food. He admits that buying or eating sugar as an adult served as an expression of his newly found adult autonomy—a way of proving to himself that he can have whatever he wants.
- **Hypnotic Induction Technique**: Eye-roll technique (looking up while breathing in and out) paired with direct suggestions of glued-shut eyelids. - **The Core Memory**: Stephen at age seven feeling intense disappointment and powerlessness over his lunchbox on a grassy hill. - **The Underlying Driver**: Eating sugar as an adult was a subconscious declaration of independence ("I can buy whatever I want now") meant to soothe the childhood feeling of missing out.
---
[01:06:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4010s) Reframing the Memory and Reclaiming Indifference
Marisa guides Stephen through a spoken reframing exercise to break the emotional link between his childhood poverty and his current relationship with food. She points out that eating chocolate does not actually make him free; instead, it constantly pulls him backward into the lingering pain of being a kid who lacked resources. She asks Stephen to speak directly to his past self and affirm that he is no longer that powerless seven-year-old boy.
Marisa prompts Stephen to speak the words his seven-year-old self desperately needed to hear: *"You have the same resources and money and value as all of your friends... As you grow up, you create everything for yourself."* She implants the suggestion that what he truly desires now is **complete and utter indifference** to sugar. With those words encoded into his mind, she gently brings Stephen out of hypnosis.
* "That little kid on the grassy bank with the disappointing lunch... it's not me and will never be me ever again." * "What I really require is complete and utter indifference."
---
[01:09:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4193s) Post-Hypnosis Reactions and a Two-Week Follow-Up Update
Waking from the session, Stephen feels disoriented and admits he completely forgot where he was, marveling at how fast time seemed to pass. Marisa explains that hypnosis bypasses the analytical "critical factor" of the conscious mind, allowing the subconscious—which is always recording memories—to accept new emotional truths. Stephen expresses shock that the session brought up a specific, forgotten childhood memory of his lunchbox that he hadn't thought about in decades.
The video cuts to a follow-up recording shot by Stephen two weeks after the interview. He reports remarkable results: he has not touched refined sugar or experienced any sugar cravings, even when sitting around chocolate and treats like Percy Pigs. Furthermore, he lost weight and noticed a drastic improvement in his sleep quality due to avoiding sugar highs and crashes.
- **Hypnotic Phenomena**: Disruption of time perception (a long session feeling like five minutes) due to the conscious mind stepping aside. - **Two-Week Update Results**: - Zero cravings for processed sugar. - Weight loss achieved. - Improved sleep quality without sugar-induced energy spikes and crashes. - **Full Session Note**: Stephen mentions that the full 25+ minute unedited hypnosis session is linked in the description on their Clips channel.
---
[01:12:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4328s) The Limits of Logic and Addressing Picky Eating Patterns
Returning to the main conversation, Marisa and Stephen discuss how logic alone cannot solve deeply rooted emotional behaviors. Marisa shares how she frequently works with clients who have severe food restrictions—such as children who will only eat white bread and cheese, or a woman named Sarah in Dubai who would only eat meat. In just one session, Marisa used hypnosis to uncover the underlying emotional cause, allowing Sarah to comfortably eat foods like cake and pasta again.
Stephen brings up a close friend in his mid-30s who can only eat a handful of dry foods like crackers, crisps, and biscuits due to texture issues. Marisa emphasizes that telling someone logically to change their diet fails because "logic can't defeat emotion." The psychological driver—whether it is a child seeking power or someone avoiding fear—must be addressed directly in the feeling mind.
- **Example Case Study**: Sarah (a woman in Dubai who could only eat meat) was cured in a single one-hour hypnosis session and now eats a full, varied diet. - **Core Principle**: Logical reasoning (e.g., telling an alcoholic to just "have a nice cup of tea instead") fails because emotional subconscious conditioning always overrides logic.
---
[01:15:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4530s) Resolving Messiness and How Words Create Reality
Stephen connects his breakthrough regarding food to another area of his life: his struggle with keeping a tidy room. He explains that he was never sure if his messy environment was a comfort mechanism (because his childhood home was messy) or something else. Marisa explains that growing up in a messy house created a state of "learned helplessness and learned hopelessness"—feeling distressed by the mess, yet feeling powerless to fix it.
Marisa offers Stephen two ways to resolve this inner conflict: either fully accept it without guilt (viewing it creatively, like an artist) or rewrite his internal dialogue to make tidying up feel empowering. By continuously repeating phrases like *"I love putting stuff away, it makes me feel powerful,"* the mind eventually accepts it as truth. Marisa closes by reminding Stephen that his words directly construct his reality; if he wants to change his life, he must first change the language he uses to describe it.
* "Your words create your reality, and if you don't like your reality... you have to change the way you're speaking."
Here is a detailed walkthrough of the transcript section provided:
[01:17:17](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4637s) Mid-Episode Sponsor: Eight Sleep
Steven Bartlett takes a brief break to introduce a new sponsor, **Eight Sleep**, sharing how their pod cover transformed his daily routine. Referring back to insights gained from sleep experts on the podcast—such as Dr. Matthew Walker—Steven explains the critical role temperature plays during rest. Natural sleep patterns require fluctuating temperatures throughout the night: starting cool, lowering further, and then warming up slightly toward the morning to mimic natural outdoor rhythms.
To celebrate the partnership, Steven offers a $150 discount for listeners who use the custom link, encouraging his audience to try the product and message him with their feedback.
* **Sponsor Link:** `[eightsleep.com/steven](https://eightsleep.com/steven)` * **Discount Value:** $150 off the Eight Sleep Pod Cover.
---
[01:18:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4715s) The Power of "I Am Enough" and Closing Reflections
Steven transitions back to the interview with Marisa Peer to close the session using his traditional final question left by the previous guest: *"If there was one sentence that everyone should believe about themselves that would have the most positive impact on their life, what sentence is that?"*
Without hesitation, Marisa answers with her core philosophy: **"I am enough."** She displays her bracelets carrying the message and discusses her *"I Am Enough"* movement, which has been implemented in schools to curb bullying and improve emotional self-regulation and academic performance among children. Marisa emphasizes that a lack of feeling "enough" drives destructive behaviors and excessive cravings—whether for chocolate, alcohol, shopping, or social media followers. Stating and affirming "I am enough" allows the brain to internalize the truth and reprogram self-worth.
Steven expresses profound gratitude to Marisa, noting that his girlfriend is currently upstairs and constantly praises her work while completing Marisa's courses. He lauds Marisa for being a force for good, praising her extensive free resources across her website and YouTube channel, as well as her work integrating these psychological concepts into school curriculums.
> "I am enough... is a statement that can change your whole life if you state it, affirm it, and it will sink in." — Marisa Peer
* **Impact of "I Am Enough" in Schools:** Placed on plaques in classrooms; reported to reduce bullying, elevate emotional performance, and shift childhood behavioral patterns. * **Root of Addictive Behaviors:** Believing "I'm not enough" leads to seeking fill-ins like excess food, shopping, alcohol, or online followers.
---
[01:20:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4832s) Post-Show Sponsors: WHOOP and Huel
Steven concludes the episode by highlighting two products that support his health and daily workflow: **WHOOP** and **Huel**.
As a shareholder and active user, Steven breaks down how WHOOP, a wearable health and wellness tracker, has transformed his recovery strategy. Given his rigorous schedule, monitoring sleep, strain, recovery, and stress levels gives him actionable data to optimize physical performance without breaking down. He offers a free month trial for listeners through a custom URL.
Finally, Steven showcases the **Huel Best Seller Bundle**, designed for newcomers wanting to sample Huel's product ecosystem. The bundle includes an assortment of meals, nutrition bars, the signature shaker, a pot, and a high-quality free t-shirt. Steven recommends the bundle to prospective "Hooligans" looking to streamline their daily nutrition seamlessly.
* **WHOOP Promotion:** Free 1-month membership via `[join.whoop.com/CEO](https://join.whoop.com/CEO)`. * **Huel Bundle Contents:** A selection of meals and bars, the iconic shaker, pot, and signature fitting t-shirt.
## Notable quotes > [03:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=228s) Lie, cheat, and steal every day of your life—lie to your mind, cheat fear, and steal back the confidence you were born with. — Marisa Peer
> [08:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=509s) The strongest force in you and everyone in the world is you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you. — Marisa Peer
> [17:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1030s) We want intimacy... someone that finishes my sentences, that knows when I'm hungry, that knows I'm having a bad day... But what great sex requires is mystery. What eroticism requires is not intimacy at all. — Marisa Peer
> [20:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1201s) The minute your partner is in any way mummy or daddy, you can't have sex with them... because who wants to have sex with their parents? That's really weird. — Marisa Peer
> [27:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1650s) If you love someone and assuming their fantasy isn't dangerous or painful or super weird, why not just see if you can do it?... In a relationship, if you do for each other, it's trading all the time, and there's nothing wrong with that. — Marisa Peer
> [31:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=1888s) The feeling that cannot find its expression in tears will make other organs weep. — Marisa Peer
> [35:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2109s) Self-sabotage and procrastination are nothing more than the fear of either not being enough or not wanting to go where you think you're going. — Marisa Peer
> [45:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=2744s) I need someone to complete me... is rather different to: I've got a great life and I'm ready to share it with someone amazing. — Marisa Peer
> [53:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3183s) If you're looking for self-esteem anywhere outside of yourself, you're not going to find it... Self-esteem is not out there, it's in here. — Marisa Peer
> [59:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3543s) In a battle between emotion and logic, emotion wins every single time. — Marisa Peer
> [01:01:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=3711s) I'm choosing to say no, and I'm choosing to love it. — Marisa Peer
> [01:06:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4010s) That little kid on the grassy bank with the disappointing lunch... it's not me and will never be me ever again. — Steven Bartlett
> [01:15:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4530s) Your words create your reality, and if you don't like your reality... you have to change the way you're speaking. — Marisa Peer
> [01:18:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE&t=4715s) I am enough... is a statement that can change your whole life if you state it, affirm it, and it will sink in. — Marisa Peer
## Mentioned Marisa Peer, Steven Bartlett, Gabor Mate, The Diary Of A CEO, Tell Yourself a Better Lie, Fifty Shades of Grey, John Butcher, Missy Butcher, Lifebook, Sperm Wars, Neil Strauss, The Game, Paul McCartney, Stella McCartney, Mary McCartney, Dr. Matthew Walker, Eight Sleep, WHOOP, Huel, Percy Pigs, Refreshers
[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_y_vSmiNpBE)