Former SEAL MrBallen Turns Unspoken Trauma Into Digital Media Empire

前海豹突击队员MrBallen将未言创伤转化为数字媒体帝国 约翰·艾伦（John Allen）展现了如何通过坦诚沟通与果决行动正视个人创伤，从而重建生活并斩获创作上的成功。 从前美国海军海豹突击队员转型为故事创作者的约翰·艾伦（John Allen）分享了他历经军旅生涯、心理创伤并在数字平台走红的心路历程。他坦率详述了自己与严重心理健康问题、创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）以及酗酒抗争的过程，以及他接受心理治疗并实现自我和解的道路。在整个对话中，艾伦就克服恐惧、立即付诸行动、克服内心心魔以及精通悬疑叙事艺术，提出了切实可行的独到见解。 立即采取行动而非等待完美时机，即便初次尝试失败，也能带来反馈、前进动力以及意想不到的机遇。 (63:35) 围绕目标产生的恐惧与焦虑往往预示着这正是值得追求的机遇，因为最美好的体验往往就在恐惧的另一侧。 (66:59) 从海豹突击队这类精英角色中完成身份转变，需要放下极具攻击性的自我认同，并直面在部队中未曾言说的创伤。 (92:22) 压抑侵入性想法和情感痛苦会加剧心理问题；而向中立的专业人士倾诉痛苦的事实，能够消除这些痛苦的掌控力。 (98:34) 心理治疗的作用在于提供至关重要的视角与自我原谅，而非抹去过去的创伤记忆。 (92:19)

Former Navy SEAL and storyteller John Allen (MrBallen) argues that personal reinvention requires radical self-accountability, decisive action over endless planning, and confronting deeply suppressed fears and trauma. Radical Accountability and Learning from Failure (6:20) Allen's trajectory shifted only after he moved away from externalizing blame. Following an expulsion-level crisis at UMass Amherst—marked by a riot and a 1.016 GPA—he was forced to live in his mother's basement, where he realized his situation was entirely self-inflicted. Accepting that reality allowed him to return to school, raise his grades, and ultimately enlist in the military. He carried this perspective into Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) training. After panicking during a tear-gas drill on San Clemente Island, Allen was reprimanded and forced to wear bikini trunks over his uniform. Instead of offering excuses or quitting, he wore the trunks, took responsibility for his panic, and earned back his peers' respect. He maintains that taking immediate ownership of errors fosters trust and resilience in both corporate and personal environments. Bias Towards Action and Unfiltered Motivation (31:01) Rather than waiting for flawless plans, Allen advocates for rapid execution and an "80% solution now," arguing that an acceptable step taken immediately is superior to delayed perfection. He notes that action generates information and momentum, whereas analysis paralysis keeps individuals trapped. When choosing paths out of rock bottom, he advises people to embrace their raw, unfiltered motivations—even if driven by vanity, insecurity, or a desire to prove doubters wrong—rather than suppressing them to fit polite social expectations. He notes that elite selection processes like BUD/S filter out high-achieving resumes because past praise does not sustain candidates through extreme physical suffering. Instead, those who endure often have deep personal chips on their shoulders or something to prove. Allen used his own insecurities—specifically the feeling of being an academic underachiever compared to his Pulitzer Prize-winning family—to propel himself through military selection. Reputational Reckoning and the Shift to Storytelling (44:30) After receiving a medical retirement from the military in 2017 due to physical injuries and PTSD from a 2014 grenade blast in Afghanistan, Allen leaned heavily into his military background to promote a veterans' charity and grow his social media presence. This triggered intense backlash from active-duty and veteran SEALs, who viewed self-promotion using the SEAL brand as a breach of brotherhood. A blunt text from a close SEAL Team Six friend stating "You suck" prompted Allen to delete his military content and start over. Abandoning viral comedic trends, he tested an account named MrBallen with a 60-second summary of the 1959 Dyatlov Pass incident recorded in a hotel room. Divorced from his military identity, the video gained over 5 million views overnight. Allen emphasizes that effective storytelling requires inhabiting the narrative without a rigid script and withholding key outcomes to preserve narrative tension, rather than summarizing answers early like traditional news reports. Processing Trauma and Vocalizing Insecurities (92:19) Allen stresses that suppression worsens psychological trauma and intrusive thoughts. Following non-combat deployment conditions in Peru and his near-death experience in Afghanistan, he struggled with severe irritability and alienation from his family. Beginning therapy in 2018 helped him realize that while wartime aggression was operational conditioning, reintegration requires consciously dismantling that mindset. He argues that deeply personal "demons"—fears or insecurities that trigger panic when they arise—cannot be reasoned away internally. The only effective relief he identified is speaking them aloud to a neutral, professional third party. Allen applies this principle across life, noting that concealing insecurities causes individuals to live misunderstood by partners and loved ones, whereas voicing hidden fears strips away their control. Allen's account centers on human agency, unvarnished communication, and storytelling as pathways to rehabilitation. However, his experiences also illustrate how public platforms and creative enterprises rely on an unpredictable balance between disciplined preparation and coincidental timing.

前美国海豹突击队队员、知名内容创作者 John Allen（网名 MrBallen）在访谈中指出，当人生陷入迷茫或跌入谷底时，逆转局面的核心在于停止推卸责任并建立极端自我问责，同时依靠“行动优先于完美”的执行力直面恐惧。他结合自身从大学退学、特种部队服役、战后创伤复原到成功打造全网叙事品牌的经历，阐释了直面羞耻、暴露脆弱与沉浸式叙事对个人重塑的关键价值。 极端问责：从跌入谷底到直面公开失败 (6:20) Allen 出身于拥有多位普利策奖得主和哈佛博士的学术精英家庭，青年时期却极度叛逆。2006 年进入马萨诸塞大学阿默斯特分校后，他因参与校园骚乱破坏公物面临开除，第一学期 GPA 仅为 1.016，被迫退学寄宿在母亲地下室。这次危机促成了他的核心心态觉醒：从习惯性指责他人，转变为彻底承认困境纯属咎由自取。他以此为转折重修学业顺利毕业，随后选择报名选拔极其严酷的海豹突击队作为重塑自我的挑战。 在加州圣克莱门特岛的催泪瓦斯训练中，Allen 因恐慌脱逃，被教官在全体学员面前公开羞辱，并被惩罚在制服外穿亮黄/粉色比基尼泳裤完成后续受训。他选择公开穿戴标志羞耻的泳裤、直面懦弱并承担全部责任，最终赢回战友信任。Allen 认为，无论在军事还是商业领域，犯错都是一次重塑信誉的二次机会；推卸责任只会固化受害者心理，而主动、彻底的问责则是构建深度信任与心理韧性的基石。 行动优先与直面恐惧：打破分析瘫痪 (31:01) 针对许多人在迷茫期陷入的“过度分析导致行动瘫痪”，Allen 强调了军旅生涯的重要原则：“当下的 80% 方案往往远胜于明天的 100% 方案”。他建议迷茫者不必过分苛求动机的高尚；无论是渴望出名、证明怀疑者看走眼，还是单纯出于好胜心，只要能成为打破僵局的动力，就应当坦然接纳并转化为行动力。行动本身能带来即时反馈与认知迭代，而停滞不前只会错失所有潜在机遇。 在应对未知恐惧时，Allen 借用跳伞比喻指出，“生命中最美好的事物往往隐藏在恐惧的另一侧”。他在患有严重公开演讲焦虑症、甚至曾在台上恐慌僵住的情况下，依然主动签约并完成了 15 座城市的现场巡回演出。他总结称，行动前漫长等待期的精神内耗远比面对现实本身更加痛苦；凡是能带来突破的目标往往伴随着恐惧反应，这种恐惧恰恰是该事项值得全力以赴的明确信号。 剥离特战身份：从名誉危机到品牌破局 (44:30) 2014 年在阿富汗遭遇手榴弹爆炸重伤后，Allen 经历了严重的创伤后应激障碍（PTSD），并于 2017 年底因伤退役。退役后，他与合伙人创立了退伍军人就业慈善机构 Elite Meet，并尝试利用海豹突击队经历在社交网络发布内容引流。然而，特战社群视突击队声誉为牺牲者鲜血铸就的公产，严厉抵触个人商业化炒作。2018 至 2019 年间，他遭遇了来自昔日战友极其严厉的抵制与孤立，一条来自海豹六队挚友写着“You suck”的短讯促使他彻底反思，随后果断删除了所有军旅相关内容。 在喜剧短剧与追逐网络热点屡遭挫败后，Allen 翻出了此前记录的 1959 年苏联乌拉尔山“佳特洛夫事件（Dyatlov Pass）”登山悬案。在一家水上乐园的酒店房间里，他用手机录制了一段 60 秒的案件解说并发布在 TikTok 上。这段完全脱离特种部队背景的纯粹叙事视频一夜之间获得超过 500 万次播放，从而确立了他标志性的法兰绒衬衫与反戴棒球帽叙事风格，成为日后 Ballen Studios 商业版图的起点。 正视心魔与疗愈创伤：打破男性沉默困境 (92:19) 在经历秘鲁非作战部署期间的潮湿、孤立与严重抑郁，以及退役后持续的情绪失控与家庭疏离后，Allen 于 2018 年开始正式接受心理咨询。他指出，许多退役老兵和男性受困于战争训练出的“进攻性思维矩阵”或社会传统认知，习惯将负面情绪深埋心底。然而压抑的情绪必然会以暴躁、成瘾或情绪孤立等扭曲方式爆发，不仅破坏亲密关系，更导致当事人长期“被误解地活着”。 Allen 区分了容易向外界启齿的普通挫折与深层羞耻的“心魔”（例如他早年患有的严重公共排尿困难症 Paruresis）。他主张，任何引发下意识逃避与恐慌的念头都无法通过内部说服来化解，唯有向中立的专业咨询师大声说出真相，才能剥离其心理控制力。在治疗师协助下，他还化解了与父亲因 2010 年入伍而长达十余年的冷战心结，意识到当年的冲突实则是父亲对儿子身处险境的担忧而非否定。 沉浸叙事与去中心化：新媒体的真实性内核 (111:23) 针对内容创作的本质，Allen 认为优秀的故事讲述取决于讲述者对情境的完全投入与现场感传达，而非依赖机械脚本或浮华词藻。与传统新闻学开门见山的“倒金字塔结构”相反，扣人心弦的叙事必须严格保留最终谜底，通过严密的事实细节逐步累积悬念，并在尾声呈现核心反转。例如在耗费巨大心力调研的加拿大“无头谷”（Nahanni Valley）连环失踪历史中，他便是将横跨一个世纪的多起历史碎片串联成统一的悬疑故事。 在探讨播客与新媒体行业未来时，Allen 认为新媒体本质上是内容的“精英绩效制”。不同于传统媒介由大机构垄断受众注意力的模式，以独立播客为代表的内容形态之所以能崛起，核心在于其不受大企业规训的真实表达，以及创作者与受众之间未经修饰的情感联结。 Allen 的核心逻辑表明：摆脱人生泥潭与心理创伤的前提是彻底摒弃受害者叙事，并用即刻行动打破恐惧闭环。本期内容聚焦于极端个人经历的突破经验，展示了公开自身缺陷所能带来的治愈与重塑力量；但在面对深层创伤时，如何让缺乏外部社会支持或家庭兜底保障的普通群体安全实施高风险行动，仍是留待现实检验的复杂议题。

## Background 本期内容由知名播客频道 The Diary Of A CEO（主持人 Steven Bartlett）于 2024 年 12 月 12 日在 YouTube 平台发布。节目简介指出，本期专访围绕前海豹突击队队员、现悬疑故事顶流创作者 MrBallen（本名 John Allen）展开，讲述他如何从人生谷底蜕变为特种精英，又在退役后逆袭重塑人生赛道，揭示在迷茫中破局转型的核心法则。 ## TL;DR John Allen 在访谈中详述了他充满戏剧性的人生历程：从名门学霸家庭中的叛逆“害群之马”与大学被退学，到在母亲地下室反思并立志通过严酷的海豹突击队选拔；在经历阿富汗重伤濒死与退役后严重的 PTSD 及酗酒困境后，他因在网络上过度标榜海豹身份而遭遇兄弟会社群的全面唾弃。痛定思痛的他彻底断舍离，凭着对“离奇、黑暗与神秘”故事的狂热热爱重拾创作，从一条爆款 TikTok 短视频逆袭为拥有千万粉丝的内容帝国掌门人。他深刻拆解了“80%行动哲学”、直面心魔与克服恐惧的底层心理逻辑，并揭秘了顶级叙事者如何全情沉浸、制造悬念的交付艺术。 ## Atmosphere & style 整场对话兼具特种战场的血性硬朗与直面灵魂深处的坦诚脆弱，毫无空洞说教，充斥着惊心动魄的实战回忆与毫无保留的当众自剖。Steven Bartlett 的提问精准而富有同理心，引导 John Allen 在羞辱、悔恨、创伤与狂热之间不断穿梭，情绪弧线跌宕起伏。倾听时既能感受到阿富汗枪林弹雨与圣克莱门特岛严苛规训带来的窒息紧迫感，也能体会到他在深夜面对战友斥责、在心理诊室痛哭释怀时的真挚松弛与重生力量。 ## Bulletin - [02:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=123s) 前海豹突击队队员 MrBallen（John Allen）回顾了从学业失败、因伤退役到转型成为全网顶级悬疑叙事创作者的逆袭历程，强调彻底承担个人责任与破除受害者心态是人生的转折基石。 - [23:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1385s) 在海豹突击队严苛选拔中，许多拥有显赫光环的职业运动员往往因预期落差和教官心理针对而最先放弃，反倒是毫无退路、心怀证明执念的普通学员更容易坚持到最后。 - [32:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1972s) 面对人生低谷与决策迷茫时，信奉军旅中的“80%行动原则”（即刻的及格方案远胜迟到的完美计划）能够有效打破分析瘫痪，通过迅速迈出步伐催生转机。 - [44:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2670s) MrBallen 曾因利用海豹队员身份做自媒体而触碰部队沉默铁律遭战友集体孤立，痛定思痛清空账号后，凭纯粹热爱的神秘故事在 TikTok 与 YouTube 爆红并打造出商业版图。 - [01:54:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6860s) 关于叙事艺术，MrBallen 认为成功关键不在辞藻而在讲述者的全身心投入与压轴悬念设计，传统新闻先揭晓结局的做法会彻底扼杀解谜故事的张力。 ## Key takeaways - [10:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=614s) 摆脱受害者心态、勇敢承担全部过错与责任，是人生触底反弹的关键第一步。 - [14:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=898s) 犯错之后的反应定义了一个人的真正品格；直面羞辱并全力以赴承担后果，反而能赢回甚至加固深层信任。 - [17:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1073s) 海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）追求海陆空全域渗透作战，选拔过程包含长达数月的残酷心理摧残（如 BUD/S 阶段）。 - [23:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1385s) 履历光鲜的精英往往背负沉重的自我预期包袱，而在极度痛苦的选拔中，内在最纯粹的自我证明执念才是唯一的生存底牌。 - [32:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1972s) 拒绝“分析瘫痪”，奉行军队中的 80% 原则——先动起来选定一个大致可行的目标，推进力远比绝对的确定性更重要。 - [36:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2183s) 诚实面对内心深处最私密的欲望与底层动机（如渴望认可或财富），把心中的愿望清单逐一打勾，才能免去临终遗憾。 - [36:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2183s) 2014年阿富汗巷战重伤濒死的绝境让 MrBallen 认清了人生的真正重心，生还后将组建家庭列为最高优先级。 - [44:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2670s) 特战圈子恪守沉默法则，退伍后借海豹光环换取个人私利是对集体牺牲的亵渎；唯有坦然承认越界并彻底断舍离，才能开启新的篇章。 - [59:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3550s) 剥离特战光环后，MrBallen 凭借发自内心对“奇怪、黑暗与神秘”题材的热爱，以迪亚特洛夫事件短视频一举引爆全网。 - [01:06:59](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4019s) 所谓的“运气与时机”本质上由持续的行动偏好（bias towards action）催生；最好的事物往往都隐藏在恐惧的另一侧。 - [01:21:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4885s) 克服对公开演讲的极端恐惧，凭借极简舞台配置完成全美巡演，最终彻底勾掉了深藏心中的成年心愿清单。 - [01:28:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5310s) 秘鲁外派任务引发了严重的心理崩溃与战争创伤反扑，促使他正视心理危机并通过专业咨询走出情绪失控与自我厌恶。 - [01:38:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5914s) 直面内心隐秘心魔的唯一方法不是自我催眠或压抑，而是在安全私密的环境中大声倾诉，获取全新的认知视角。 - [01:45:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6350s) 解开长达十余年的父子疏离心结，认识到过往的对抗与敌意很大程度上源于沟通缺失与单方面的心结误读。 - [01:46:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6415s) 男性应主动卸下“独自抗下一切”的伪装，通过小步真诚实验坦白难以启齿的弱点，避免在亲密关系中凭空制造多重次生危机。 - [01:54:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6860s) 顶级叙事者的秘诀在于全情沉浸交付（own the story），并保留压轴结局回报（payoff），切忌在一开场就过早揭晓谜底。 - [01:59:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=7150s) 播客与新媒体最具价值的未来在于捍卫非企业化、去中心化的真实性（authenticity），让基于实力的个人自由表达持续繁荣。 ## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=0s) 命悬一线的瞬间与人生信条的序幕 作为前海豹突击队队员（Navy SEAL），MrBallen（本名 John Allen）回忆了 2014 年在阿富汗执行任务时遭遇的惊险枪战。当时一枚手榴弹越过掩体墙壁并在身旁爆炸，他躺在地上，面临着要么被敌方补枪击毙、要么因失血过多而死的绝境。就在生死边缘，他脑海中浮现出的领悟，彻底奠定了他看待人生的方式。如今作为坐拥数百万粉丝的内容创作者和故事讲述大师，他将战场的生死试炼与人生的惨痛失败转化为启发他人的力量。他强调，面对绝境与错误，唯有率先承认“这是我的责任”，并采取行动战胜恐惧，人生才会走向充实与卓越。然而，残酷的现实远不止于此——海豹突击队严苛折磨的淘汰选拔、战场上面对杀戮的心理冲击，以及退役后挥之不去的心理阴影与恶魔，构成了他整个人生旅程的底色。 ### [01:33](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=93s) 播客主持人的寄语 节目主持人 Steven Bartlett 在进入正式访谈前分享了一组后台数据：定期收听节目的听众中有 53% 尚未订阅频道。他向观众发起真诚的号召，表示订阅是免费且最直接的支持方式，并承诺团队会全力以赴吸收观众反馈、邀请最想见的重磅嘉宾，让每一期内容都变得更加优质。 ### [02:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=123s) 学霸家族中的“逆子”与叛逆的底层小镇青春 谈及成长环境，John Allen 出生于马萨诸塞州波士顿南部的昆西（Quincy）。他的家庭拥有令人难以置信的学术光环： - 父亲曾斩获普利策奖（Pulitzer Prize）。 - 其中一位姐姐同样两度荣获普利策奖。 - 另一位姐姐拥有博士学位，并在哈佛大学（Harvard University）的实验室任职。 - 母亲则是一位专业的专业写作者。 然而，在这样一个“满门学者”的家庭里，John 却走了一条完全相反的叛逆之路。他并非学不会，而是故意不好好念书，把“摆烂”当成对抗家庭期望的叛逆方式。当时的昆西是一个充满工人阶级色彩、民风彪悍甚至略带粗粝的地方。年轻的 John 渴望成为街头硬汉，整天在外面打架斗殴、被人痛揍、通宵酗酒，逐渐将自己推向了彻底失败的深渊。 ### [03:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=227s) 侥幸入学、惨遭开除危机与地下室的觉醒 高中毕业时，John 的成绩极其惨淡。他之所以能被大学录取，全凭他那位身为专业作家的母亲代写了一篇极具文学水准的大学申请文书。位于麻省西部的马萨诸塞大学（University of Massachusetts）在发来录取通知时甚至直言：他的成绩完全不够格，但那篇文书写得太优美了，学校决定给他一次机会。 然而，进入这所著名的“派对大学”后，John 在第一个学期彻底失控： - 第一学期 GPA 仅为极其悬殊的 **1.016**（他坦言按缺课情况看本来该是 0 分）。 - 2006 年底，学校的“分钟人”（Minute Men）橄榄球队输掉了一场毫无名气的分区赛，校园内莫名爆发了一场大规模骚乱。住在骚乱核心区的 John 冲上街头砸碎窗户、大肆破坏。 - 校警随后在网站上发起“人肉搜索”，张贴了监控拍下的骚乱人群面孔，任何人都可匿名举报。面临开除威胁的 John 惊恐地在通缉照片中看到了自己。 - 与此同时，他在宿舍还有一系列违纪与噪音投诉，被勒令搬离宿舍。 面对向父母编造的“在学校一切都好、拿高分”的谎言破灭，18 岁的 John 不得不向父母坦白。父亲赶到学校与院长交涉，最终勒令他退学回家。回到昆西后，John 蜷缩在母亲家的地下室里。起初的两周，他内心充满愤怒，甚至责怪父母逼他退学。但在地下室的独处中，他迎来了人生的关键顿悟：他意识到一切都是自己的错。自己亲手养成了恶劣的思维和习惯，白白挥霍了优越的资源，正步步沦为一个一事无成的彻头彻尾的失败者。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: John Allen 的早期困境与觉醒转变 accDescr: 展示 John 从名门叛逆、学业彻底失败，到地下室顿悟并重整人生的心理与行动路径。 subgraph Failure["放纵与溃败"] A["学霸家庭背景 vs 故意叛逆街头"] --> B["靠母亲代写文书录取 UMass"] B --> C["沉迷派对 / GPA 1.016 / 参与校园暴乱面临开除"] end subgraph Awakening["地下室顿悟"] C --> D["勒令退学并搬回母亲地下室"] D --> E["从怨恨父母转变为承认：全是我自己的责任"] end subgraph Transformation["重建人生与新目标"] E --> F["进入本地学校苦读并重返原校顺利毕业"] F --> G["对达成目标的成就感上瘾"] G --> H["寻找极限挑战：将目光投向海豹突击队选拔"] end ``` ### [07:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=432s) 重建人生：从图书馆苦读到瞄准海豹突击队 为了不让自己沦为家族里的笑柄与败类，John 给自己定下了一个极其明确且唯一的硬指标：去本地一所大学念书，把成绩提上去，最终拿到大学毕业证。他发疯似地学习，整天泡在图书馆里，硬生生把平均分拉了上来，并成功转回当初勒令退学的那所大学完成了学业。 在全力攻克学业的过程中，他体会到了一种前所未有的心理刺激——那种为有价值的目标倾尽全力并最终攻克难关的感觉，对他而言“就像毒药一样让人上瘾”。 临近大学毕业时，主修哲学和英语专业的 John 再次面临方向选择。他曾短暂考虑过从事法律，但内心始终无法忘怀参军服役的渴望——2006 年前后，他高中时的几个朋友已奔赴伊拉克和阿富汗战场。既然大学毕业的目标已经达成，他渴望在军队中寻找一个更艰难、更能考验极限的挑战。这促使他将目光锁定了美国海军海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）。海豹突击队对报名门槛相对开放，几乎所有身体达标的公民都可以申请参选，但极其严酷、形同精神折磨的淘汰训练最终只允许极少数人存活并入选，这种严苛至极的挑战彻底点燃了他的斗志。 ### [08:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=538s) 目标重塑人生：从地下室困境到立志成为海豹突击队 在经历了大学受挫、被迫退回父母地下室的低谷后，约翰·艾伦（John Allen，即后来的 MrBallen）意识到，自己必须通过一场彻底的洗礼来重塑自我。他不想一辈子都被人当成那个“高中不学无术、上了大学也只是勉强凑合的惹祸精”。去服兵役不仅是他内心深处一直以来的感召，更是一条能够持续晋升、充满极限挑战的职业道路。为了达成这一目标，他必须投入海量的体能储备与严苛预备。于是，他将人生的焦点从单纯的“混个大学毕业”，彻底转移到了“成为一名美国海军海豹突击队（Navy SEAL）队员”上，整个人生的齿轮也随之重新咬合并全速运转起来。 回顾这一路走来的历程，他后来成为海豹突击队员、因伤退役、偶然在网上发布爆款视频并最终转型为全网瞩目的悬疑故事讲述者，所有这一切奇迹的起点，其实都源于一个极其质朴的原则——设定一个清晰的目标并全力以赴去实现它。很多人终其一生都只是在被动地随波逐流，机械地做着别人交代的事情，或者浑浑噩噩地陷在现实泥潭中。而当一个人清醒、自觉地选择了一件自己在乎的事，并将其确立为核心目标时，整个生活的一切琐碎都会围绕它自动整理就绪。 - **目标的锚定效应**：当目标从被动应付的“大学毕业”转变为极具挑战的“成为海豹突击队员”后，日常训练与生活秩序瞬间被彻底理顺。 - **人生的连锁反应**：从地下室的自我救赎，到通过海豹突击队选拔，再到因伤退役后在社交媒体上凭借讲故事一爆而红，每一步都遵循着“设定明确目标并彻底执行”的底层逻辑。 ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 目标驱动人生重塑流程 accDescr: 展示从低谷觉醒到海豹突击队再到创作者的蜕变闭环 subgraph 觉醒阶段 A["地下室反思<br/>打破受害者心态"] --> B["设定终极挑战<br/>立志成为海豹突击队员"] end subgraph 执行与蜕变 B --> C["高强度训练备考<br/>重构生活秩序与意志"] C --> D["服役海豹突击队<br/>经历生死与纪律洗礼"] end subgraph 转型新生 D --> E["因伤退役后<br/>开启故事讲述商业帝国"] end ``` --- ### [10:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=614s) 告别“受害者心态”：责任感是一场残酷的自我剖析 主持人史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）敏锐地指出，在约翰真正走出地下室之前，最关键的转折点其实是“自我觉察”（Self-Awareness），而这种觉察直接催生了对责任的担当——即不再把自身处境归咎于父母或外界，而是承认自己在失败中难辞其咎。约翰对此深有同感。他坦言在低谷之前，自己身上充斥着典型的“受害者心态”，一旦遇到倒霉事永远是别人的错。上学时他回家会对母亲吹嘘：“你绝对想不到，今天考试乔伊（Joey）才考了50分，我考了65分！”他习惯用别人的糟糕来掩饰自己不及格的本质，而不是老老实实承认“是我搞砸了考试”。 随着心智的成熟，他深刻体会到，光嘴上说“我要达成目标”是远远不够的，一个人必须完全掌控并承担整个过程中的全部后果。无论事情是好是坏，真正的自我觉察意味着吞下那颗残酷的真相药丸：你现在的生活状态，极大程度上就是你自己亲手造成的。唯有彻底停止向外界推卸责任，人才能真正掌握改变自身命运的主动权。 --- ### [11:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=711s) 圣克莱门特岛的催泪瓦斯耻辱：在众目睽睽下临阵逃脱 海豹突击队的选拔体系极其看重声誉与信任。随着训练接近尾声，教官不再将学员当成可有可无的外人，因为这些教官本身就是现役海豹队员，眼前的学员几天后就可能成为与自己并肩作战、托付生死的战友；考核的态度也随之从“看你怎么被淘汰”转变为“你最好全力以赴，因为战场上我随时可能需要你的掩护”。在加州圣克莱门特岛（San Clemente Island）进行的最后阶段封闭集训中，教官组织了一场旨在磨砺心理防线的“信心强化演习”（Confidence Exercise）。学员们排成紧密的方阵，肩并肩跪在开阔地上，接受催泪性 CS 防暴瓦斯的长时间直接熏烤。 教官们戴着全封闭防毒面具，用类似捞泳池落叶的长杆挑着正在剧烈喷射白色浓烟的 CS 毒气罐伸到每位学员面前。演习唯一的规则极其简单：待在原地，不要逃跑，硬生生把痛苦扛下来。然而，浓烟扑面而来的瞬间，强烈的“战或逃”生存本能瞬间吞噬了约翰的理智。甚至在脑子还没反应过来之前，他就失控地拔腿狂奔，最终被一名教官当场飞扑扑倒在地上。全班学员中，临阵脱逃的只有他一个人。 随后的场景成为了约翰人生中最为耻辱的梦魇。在用于讲授爆破与军械知识的阶梯教室内，总教官在所有同学和教官面前点名让他站起来，当众怒骂道：“艾伦，你就是个彻头彻尾的软蛋怂包（f***ing p***y）！坐下！我绝对不想跟你这种人一起服役，你的同班同学也绝不该跟你共事！”不仅如此，在接下来的整整一个月封闭训练里，他被勒令在日常作训短裤外面套上一条极其滑稽显眼的女性比基尼泳裤，每周七天无休地在所有人鄙夷的目光中参加高强度训练。 - **演习地点与环境**：加州圣克莱门特岛（San Clemente Island），全封闭军事训练岛屿，学员一个月无法回家与妻子见面，每周连轴运转 7 天。 - **惩罚措施**：被总教官在全连面前公开辱骂为“懦夫”，并在接下来的全部作训日中，被迫在短裤外穿着比基尼泳裤示众受罚。 --- ### [14:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=898s) 犯错后的第二机会：用极致的担当赢回信任 被推入极度耻辱的境地后，约翰深知自己没有任何借口可找。他没有选择破罐子破摔或者退缩逃避，而是决定正面吞下全部恶果：“既然我做出了最不该做的事，那我就用行动向所有人证明我的真正力量——每天穿着这件耻辱的比基尼短裤准时到岗，接受所有人的轻视，然后用加倍过硬的表现证明我不是懦夫。” 史蒂芬在此处共鸣道，在商业运营与人际交往中同样存在这一铁律：犯错固然糟糕，但一个人在犯错之后如何反应，往往构成了化危为机的“第二次机会”。很多时候，直面失误、迅速致电道歉并全力承担责任，反而能让原本出现裂痕的客户关系变得比之前更加牢固。约翰表示，海豹突击队的队友们在最初确实对此心存芥蒂，但看到他毫无怨言地承担所有羞辱、在最低谷时依然展现出最可靠的专业素养，大家最终确信他是一个敢于对自我行为负全责、关键时刻不甩锅的真正成年人。正是这次极其惨烈的当众挫败，反而帮他洗尽浮躁，蜕变成为一名合格的海豹队员。 --- ### [16:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1004s) 揭秘海豹突击队：美军特种作战皇冠上的明珠 针对全球大众对“海豹突击队”既熟悉又陌生的现状，约翰深入浅出地拆解了其军事定位。在现代军事编制中，几乎所有国家的军队都会设立专门执行高难度、高风险任务的特种作战部队，类似于经典射击游戏《使命召唤》（Call of Duty）或《现代战争》（Modern Warfare）中描绘的精英小队。 在美国军队的各大军种中，特种作战力量各有分工与特色：陆军有游骑兵与特种部队，海军陆战队有特种作战司令部部队（MARSOC），空军拥有擅长极端战场救援的伞降救援队（PJs，Pararescue Jumpers），甚至海岸警卫队也有其专业战术分队。而在美军五花八门的特战序列中，隶属于美国海军的海豹突击队（Navy SEALs），公认是全球范围内知名度最高、执行任务最复杂且综合战斗水准最顶尖的王牌特战单位之一。 - **特种作战谱系**：涵盖陆军、海军、海军陆战队、空军（如 PJs 伞降搜救员）及海岸警卫队等多军种专业单位。 - **海军海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）**：以海陆空全域渗透作战闻名，是美军乃至全球范围内选拔门槛最高、声誉最响亮的特战精英力量。 ### [17:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1073s) 海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）的独特性：全地形作战的“全能专家” 虽然美军拥有像绿色贝雷帽（Green Berets）这样在特定作战领域出类拔萃的特种部队，但要在海、陆、空多个领域同时精通多项专业技能，海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）无疑是其中的佼佼者。海豹突击队的名字“SEAL”本身就是“Sea（海）、Air（空）、Land（陆）”的缩写。尽管它隶属于美国海军这一以海上作战为主体的军种，但海豹突击队的本质是一支能够在几乎任何极端环境中完成任务的顶级特种作战力量。队员们必须精通潜水渗透、高空伞降以及陆上机动等多种投送方式，具备极强的战场适应性。相比之下，全球许多特战力量往往专注于特定地理或作战形态——例如山地战专家，或是荷兰军方闻名遐迩的专业水下潜水突击队——而海豹突击队的信条则是“无所不通”。 海豹突击队最初由约翰·F·肯尼迪总统在20世纪60年代倡导组建，但在“9·11”恐怖袭击事件之后，这支部队迎来了历史性的声誉巅峰。尽管阿富汗和伊拉克等中东战场大部分属于内陆和山地荒漠，但这支海军特种部队却在中东全境频繁执行高强度的实战与直接行动任务，取得了巨大战果。尤其是后来猎杀本·拉登的突袭行动，让海豹突击队彻底成为全球瞩目的焦点。然而在此之前，他们在特种作战圈内就早已享有“全能型终极突击队”的威名。 - **全域渗透能力**：队员必须同时掌握高空跳伞渗透、水下战术潜水渗透以及各类陆地机动战术。 - **历史节点**：1960年代在肯尼迪总统任内建立；后“9·11”时代在中东内陆战场的卓越实战，以及突袭本·拉登行动，彻底奠定了其在公众心目中的传奇地位。 --- ### [19:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1161s) 从素人到特战精英：长达两年的严苛选拔体系 成为一名海豹突击队队员通常需要至少两年的时间，而实际周期往往更长。加入海豹突击队主要有两条途径：士兵（Enlisted）与军官（Officer）。军官途径要求申请者至少拥有本科学历，由于选拔名额极其稀缺，竞争激烈到堪比“政治任命”；正因军官名额凤毛麟角，许多拥有名校大学学历、本可选择优渥路线的高素质人才，为了圆海豹之梦，毅然选择走士兵途径参军。这导致士兵申请池的内卷程度异乎寻常：队伍里挤满了职业运动员、奥运选手、全美顶尖大学体育生、综合格斗（MMA）拳手、专业摔跤手，以及像约翰·艾伦这样“没有任何闪光履历”的普通人。 正式进入海豹训练是一场旷日持久的层层闯关。在真正入伍之前，申请和体能预选拔就可能耗费数月甚至数年；拿到资格后，候选人首先要前往芝加哥参加为期两个月的海军新兵训练营（Boot Camp），随后紧接着进入同样设在芝加哥的两个月海豹预备学校（Prep School）。在预备学校里，海军投入重金聘请专业教练，对学员的游泳、长跑与体能进行系统性强化与心理筑底。至此，学员虽然已在海军服役四个月，但真正的海豹考验甚至还未正式揭幕。 接下来的核心阶段是移师圣迭戈科罗纳多基地，进行整个流程中最残酷、被视为恶梦的“BUD/S”（基础水下爆破/海豹突击队训练，Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL School）。普通新兵训练营通常持续两个月，而 BUD/S 长达六个月，且折磨程度翻了上千倍——这是一场涵盖极端肉体透支、精神摧残与心理折磨的地狱考核，大部分人在头两个月就会被淘汰殆尽。通过 BUD/S 后，学员仍不能佩戴海豹三叉戟徽章，还必须参加为期六个月的海豹资格高级训练（SQT），学习精准战术射击、战术跳伞和特战装备操作等实战业务；随后还要前往语言学校或战术战救医疗学校继续深造，最后才会被正式分配到作战海豹分队。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 海豹突击队训练进阶流程 accDescr: 展示从入伍预选拔到正式成为海豹队员的各个考核阶段与周期 subgraph Phase1["基础入伍与强化阶段（芝加哥）"] A["预选拔与入伍申请<br/>（数月至数年）"] --> B["海军常规新兵营<br/>（Boot Camp / 2个月）"] B --> C["海豹特训预备学校<br/>（Prep School / 2个月）"] end subgraph Phase2["地狱淘汰选拔（圣迭戈 BUD/S）"] C --> D["BUD/S 基础水下爆破训练<br/>（6个月极限心理与肉体洗牌）"] end subgraph Phase3["专业特战技能形成"] D --> E["SQT 海豹资格训练<br/>（6个月高阶武器/跳伞/战术技能）"] E --> F["专业进修与分流<br/>（特种外语 / 战救医疗）"] F --> G["正式编入海豹突击队<br/>（授予海豹三叉戟徽章）"] end ``` - **时长跨度**：从提出申请到正式成为海豹队员，全程标准周期约为两年。 - **BUD/S 考核核心**：六个月的高压炼狱，几乎所有影视作品聚焦的都是这一阶段，尤其是前两个月最严酷的体能淘汰期。 - **SQT 培训重点**：从“能否承受折磨”转变为“如何专业杀敌与执行任务”，包括外科手术般精准的射击与高空伞降技术。 --- ### [23:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1385s) 淘汰之谜：为什么明星运动员往往最先放弃？ 在 BUD/S 训练营中，存在一个极其残酷且普遍的反直觉现象：那些履历极其辉煌、体能堪称怪物的明星候选人，反倒往往是最早退出的群体。约翰·艾伦回忆，他那一届学员中有一位身高六英尺五英寸（约1.96米）、体型宛若希腊天神的职业棒球运动员，曾效力于美国职棒大联盟（MLB）的亚利桑那响尾蛇队（Arizona Diamondbacks）。这位球员性格极其谦逊，艾伦甚至曾在一款棒球电子游戏里操控过他的虚拟角色。同批候选人中还不乏退役职业橄榄球手。然而，正是这位响尾蛇队的明星选手，在训练初期便极速败下阵来，彻底退赛。 这背后的根本原因绝非身体素质不行，而是一场心态与预期的崩塌。这类顶尖运动员终其一生都是各自领域的绝对佼佼者，走到哪里都受到优待与赞扬。然而在 BUD/S，教官对学员过去的显赫背景不仅“毫不在意”，甚至会格外针对。一旦教官察觉到任何人流露出一丝“我很特殊”的优越感，教官就会把他们挑出来当众羞辱与折磨：“看看这位大联盟球星，连个俯卧撑都做不标准！”哪怕你的动作无可挑剔，教官也会判定无效，命令你重做、滚进刺骨的冰水里泡着。这种直击自尊的心理战，会迅速击穿明星光环带来的心理防线。 相比之下，像约翰·艾伦这样毫无亮眼履历的“小人物”反而具有强大的生存韧性。艾伦坦言，自己进驻训练营时身体素质远逊于同侪，大学差点挂科退学，唯一的运动背景仅是高中打过棒球。正因没有光环，他就没有任何心理包袱——如果失败被淘汰，周围人只会觉得“合情合理”；而如果坚持下来，则是巨大的胜利。相反，顶尖精英背负着外界巨大的期望，暗自认为自己理应出类拔萃，一旦在肉体极端痛苦的泥潭中被剥夺尊严，单纯靠“死撑”根本无法度过长达半年的长期折磨。在万念俱灰的至暗时刻，外界的期待或虚荣心无法提供足够支撑，唯有内在最纯粹的执念——“我要向自己证明我能完成这件难事”——才能压倒那股撕心裂肺的痛苦。 - **显赫履历的陷阱**：过往的成功和“天之骄子”的身份会带来沉重的心理包袱与预期压力（Expectation bias），更容易成为教官心理战的定点靶子。 - **“一无所有”者的心理优势**：缺乏光环的普通学员在心理上“无物可失”（Nothing to lose），抗挫折阈值更高，失败无愧疚，前进皆收获。 - **核心动机定律**：“你必须打心底里想待在这里”（You got to want to be here）。为了讨好他人或证明给别人看而产生的动力极其脆弱，唯有内心深处不可动摇的自我证明，才能抵御肉体极限带来的痛苦与放弃诱惑。 ### [26:27](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1587s) 通过海豹突击队选拔的人与“地下室青年”的心态蜕变 谈到海豹突击队基础水下爆破训练（BUD/S）的残酷淘汰，John Allen（MrBallen）回忆说，走到毕业那一刻，你环顾四周，看到的并不是好莱坞大片里清一色体格完美的“肌肉猛男”，而是一群看似参差不齐、甚至身材偏矮、长相有些奇特的“乌合之众”（ragtag group）。尽管队伍里确实也有极具天赋的强者，但绝大多数能够熬过炼狱的人，其共同特征仅仅是“绝不放弃”。支撑他们熬过极端痛苦的，往往是内心深处某种渴望证明自己的执念（chip on their shoulder）。每当面临最绝望的低谷，推动他们撑下去的正是这种内驱力。 主持人和 John 探讨了一个心理层面的核心问题：当年那个被大学退学、缩在母亲地下室里的失意青年，与后来通过海豹突击队选拔的合格战士相比，二者究竟存在怎样本质的心态差异？John 直言不讳地指出，关键在于对“个人责任”（Responsibility）的认知。在刚躲进母亲地下室时，他完全没有任何自我审视能力，把生活搞得一团糟后，潜意识的默认机制就是怨天尤人。他甚至对逼他退学的父母感到出离愤怒，而完全无视自己当时绩点极低、濒临被马萨诸塞大学（UMass）开除且根本付不起住宿费的事实。直到彻底跌入生活谷底，在母亲坚决的“严厉之爱”（要求他找工作、付房租或搬出去）逼迫下，他才猛然顿悟：“问题不在别人，全都在你自己。” 这种心态的转变不仅让他从自怨自艾中走出，还走向了极度的自我坦诚。例如，在之前的谈话中提到在催泪瓦斯（CS gas）训练中的尴尬经历，在极度在乎声誉的海豹突击队圈子里，许多人出于面子会对自身丑事讳莫如深。但如今的 John 却乐于在公开平台揭开这些伤疤，他认为公开自己搞砸的事情非但不是弱点，反而代表了一种真正的安全感与极强的自省能力：“敢于展示自己的狼狈和失败，恰恰向他人证明了你内心的笃定。” - **海豹突击队毕业学员的真实画像**：并非全员是刻板印象中的魁梧硬汉，许多看似普通的士兵凭借强大的内驱力和心魔驱动，成为了最终留下的人。 - **责任认知的颠覆**：从最初将学业失败怪罪于父母的被动逃避，转变为彻底承认“是我搞砸了人生”。 - **母亲的强硬态度**：单亲母亲并未给予软弱的庇护，而是立下规矩——找工作、交房租或搬家，迫使他直面现实。 - **公开脆弱视为底气**：敢于公开自身海豹突击队生涯中的丢脸瞬间（如 CS 瓦斯事件），将其视为心理高度成熟与自洽的体现。 --- ### [29:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1791s) 跌入人生低谷与拒绝“分析瘫痪” ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 跌入谷底后的两类心态与行动路径 accDescr: 对比陷入分析瘫痪与迅速采取80%方案这两种不同的人生选择路径 subgraph Trap["恶性循环：分析瘫痪"] A["跌入人生谷底"] --> B["自责并渴望改变"] B --> C["面对无限选择产生迷茫"] C --> D["过度分析 / 停滞不前"] D --> E["强化自我怀疑与失败感"] E --> A end subgraph Action["突破路径：行动优先"] F["承认问题：这是我的责任"] --> G["确立足够好的目标<br/>（满足关键诉求即可）"] G --> H["迅速行动：先动起来<br/>（军旅哲学：80%即时方案）"] H --> I["阶段性成果强化信心<br/>（大学毕业 -> 挑战海豹突击队）"] end ``` 谈及“人生谷底”（Rock Bottom）的概念，主持人引用了一句深刻触动过自己的名言：“只有当墨守成规的痛苦大于做出改变的痛苦时，改变才会真正发生”（"The pain of change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of making a change"）。许多人在没有被逼到绝境之前，如果身旁总有家人提供经济支持或替其开脱，往往缺乏直面自我的勇气。然而，对于身处低谷或感觉生活停滞不前的人来说，是否必须摔到粉身碎骨才能开始改变？ John 坦言，自己某种程度上是幸运的，因为他性格中带有一种冲动特质，几乎从不陷入所谓的“分析瘫痪”（paralysis by analysis）。跌入低谷后，他并没有在无限的犹豫中纠结，而是迅速抓住了一颗明确的“北极星”——重返大学并顺利毕业。这个目标清晰且务实，足以向家人和自己证明当年的退学是可以被纠正的。而当大学即将毕业时，他又迅速锁定了海豹突击队，因为这项挑战满足了他当下的核心诉求：渴望服役、目标极难需要拼尽全力，以及能够提供一次脱胎换骨的“重塑契机”。 John 针对那些感到迷茫、困于低谷的人给出了务实建议：跌入谷底的一个隐形陷阱在于，你的面前似乎有无限多的选择，而追求“完美路径”的心态往往会导致人们原地踏步，陷入更深的自我否定。人不需要一个完美的方案，只需要一个“能够满足足够多核心条件、值得为之付出”的目标，然后果断去执行。 --- ### [32:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1972s) 80%原则：陷入迷茫时，“先迈步动起来” 主持人提到前海豹突击队指挥官 Jocko Willink 曾给予朋友的建议：当你在生活中遭遇离婚、失业等重大打击，或者在军事行动中迷失方向时，最关键的事情就是“立刻迈开步子动起来”（start moving）。无论朝哪个具体方向走，先动起来本身就胜过停滞不前。对许多深陷泥潭的人来说，留在已知的痛苦中往往比面对未知更具安全感，但这是一种致命的自我消耗。 John 对 Jocko 的观点深表认同，并补充了军队中广为人知的一句信条：“一个当下的80%解决方案，往往胜过明天才出现的100%完美方案”（"an 80% solution now is oftentimes better than a 100% solution tomorrow"）。在现实生活中，速度与推进力远比绝对的确定性更重要。与其在过多的考量和顾虑中虚度光阴，不如先选择一个大致可行的方向投入行动。 对于如何找到真正值得奔赴的目标，John 分享了一个极其接地气的自省法则——“淋浴时刻的真实念头”（shower thoughts）。他建议人们卸下所有防备与外界的社会道德规训，在独处淋浴时坦诚叩问自己的内心： > “问问自己，你究竟在乎什么？向上帝发誓，抛开社会要求你在乎的一切。哪怕你内心深处最渴望的只是出名，或者你唯一的动力就是想赚大钱，只要那是你最本真的追求，就去倾听它、接纳它。这并不虚荣，这就是驱使你的核心动力。” - **克服选择过载**：低谷期选择过多反而会强化失败者的自我暗示；选择一个及格方案并立刻执行，是打破恶性循环的唯一手段。 - **军旅决策哲学**：推崇“速度优于确定性”，宁要即刻的80%方案，不要迟到的100%完美计划。 - **淋浴自省法**：剥离家庭期望与社会准则，诚实面对内心深处的欲望（无论是追求名誉、财富还是自我证明），并将其作为衡量行动价值的关键指标。 ### [35:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2123s) 成为海豹突击队的真正动机：摘掉“家族害群之马”的标签 约翰·艾伦（John Allen）坦言，自己执意要成为一名海豹突击队队员，最根本的动力并非多么崇高的口号，而是极度渴望得到外界的认可——他想让别人指着他说：“那是海豹突击队员约翰·艾伦。”在成长过程中，他一直觉得自己是家里的“害群之马”（Black Sheep），周围所有人都在不断取得成就：姐姐们出类拔萃，父亲事业有成，母亲同样优秀，唯独自己一事无成。为了彻底打破这种平庸与失败的泥潭，他渴望找到一件具有绝对压倒性、无比光荣的事情来证明自己。报效国家固然是他想要达成的目标，但真正深埋心底的火种，其实是想让所有人看到他蜕变为一名顶级特种兵。 这种心态与海豹突击队教官平日的训诫截然相反。教官们总是告诫学员：“你们加入海豹突击队不能是为了虚荣或证明自己，而必须是为了保家卫国。”约翰承认教官的话在宏观层面上没错，毕竟军队需要这样的官方准则，但如果要直面内心真实的驱动力，每个人都必须找到那个属于自己的“底层动机”。只有明确了那个执念，心里的清单才能被打上勾。 ### [36:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2183s) 必须打勾的心愿清单：阿富汗濒死边缘的遗憾与顿悟 主持人史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）探讨了这种被普遍视为“非正统”的动机。许多人可能会在洗澡时咬牙切齿地想：“我要暴富/出名，狠狠打脸那些瞧不起我的人。”虽然主流鸡汤通常告诫大家不要被这种狭隘的动机裹挟，但两人均认为，如果心中有这样一项目标，你必须亲自去实践它，无论最后是成功还是破灭，都必须把这个“格子打上勾”。这种内心的执念无法单靠心理咨询或灵修体验彻底抹去；唯有亲自去闯，让现实检验它，心结才能真正解开，否则它会在你的余生中化作无法释怀的遗憾。 约翰分享了一段刻骨铭心的濒死体验来印证这一点。2014年在阿富汗执行任务时，他与战友被困在一条狭窄的小巷里，一枚手榴弹突然翻墙而入并在人群旁爆炸。约翰被弹片重创，几乎流血致死。当时现场交火极度混乱，不仅有RPG火箭弹盲射袭来，敌军也随时可能绕过矮墙杀过来。他全身虚弱到视力开始模糊，甚至没有力气解下用橡皮筋固定在战术背心胸前以备急用的止血带。 在直面死神的绝境中，约翰脑海里冒出两个念头。一个是略带黑色幽默的念头：“不知道讣告上会写‘乔纳森·艾伦（Jonathan Allen）阵亡’还是‘约翰·艾伦（John Allen）阵亡’？”而另一个则是排山倒海般的剧烈悲伤——他与妻子结婚数年，此前虽然讨论过要孩子，但总觉得“以后还有时间”，因此直到命悬一线，他还没能建立起自己的家庭。在血流不止的巷子里，约翰内心狂喊：“该死，我多么希望能有个孩子！”这种甚至顾不上孩子出生就会失去父亲的念头，让他认清了生命清单上最急迫的那一项。奇迹生还并返回美国后，他做的第一件事就是与妻子备孕生子。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 欲望清单的心理闭环逻辑 accDescr: 展示了从内心的未完成目标到濒死觉醒并付诸行动的心理闭环过程 subgraph Motivation["内驱力的本质"] A["潜意识执念 / 外部证明欲"] --> B["付诸行动：追求目标"] B --> C{"结果验证"} C -->|成功达成| D["完成打勾，心理闭环"] C -->|尝试后失败| D C -->|从未尝试/逃避| E["临终悔恨与心结残留"] end subgraph NearDeath["阿富汗濒死顿悟 (2014)"] F["巷战重伤流血濒死"] --> G["讣告名字的自嘲"] F --> H["未育有子女的剧烈遗憾"] H --> I["生还后首要任务：组建家庭生子"] end D -.-> H ``` ### [39:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2383s) 身心俱疲的退役与被PTSD吞噬的岁月 史蒂芬指出，很多人喜欢对别人的动机评头论足，认为只有“改变世界”才是体面的理由，但实际上绝大多数人不是由崇高理想“驱动”（Driven），而是被自卑、耻辱或想向父母证明自己的情绪所“拖拽”（Dragged）。阿富汗负伤后，约翰的军旅生涯走向终点。虽然他经历手术修复了受伤的肩膀并勉强完成了下一次部署，但身体已无法负荷海豹突击队的高强度作战——他的肩膀、膝盖重伤未愈，腿里还残留着大量弹片。 除了身体伤残，他的心理状态更是急转直下。由于始终没有正视阿富汗濒死事件造成的心理创伤，约翰陷入了典型的创伤后应激障碍（PTSD），情绪极度暴躁、易怒。身边的密友和战友最终严肃地介入，劝他必须去见心理医生：“你现在完全不是一个理智清醒的人，你的状态彻底失控了。”身心的双重崩溃促使军方为他启动了因伤退役（Medical Retirement）程序，约翰最终于2017年底正式离开部队。 退役对于约翰来说意味着巨大的迷茫。他只知道每个月能拿到一笔微薄的伤残退役金，根本不足以养家糊口，而自己此前从未规划过军旅之外的人生。 ### [41:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2512s) 结识领英挚友，创立Elite Meet与自媒体觉醒 2017年底退役后，背负着养家压力的约翰像普通求职者一样注册了领英（LinkedIn），漫无目的地寻找工作机会。就在那时，他偶然结识了住在纽约的前投资银行家乔丹·塞莱克（Jordan Selleck）。乔丹当时的一位挚友奥斯汀（Austin）是一名战斗机飞行员，退役后在转向民营企业求职的过程中屡屡受挫。充满创业思维的乔丹为了向朋友证明“优秀的退役军人绝对能找到好工作”，开始在领英上随机联络退役老兵，询问他们的职业过渡现状。 大部分老兵对这个陌生人的私信置之不理，唯独迷茫且焦虑的约翰回复了他，坦白直言：“我刚刚因伤退役，完全不知道下一步该干嘛，家里有孩子要养，我压力大得要命。”乔丹随即邀请约翰来纽约，并主动将自己的人脉资源介绍给他。这次碰撞促成了一项全新的事业——两人共同创立了名为“Elite Meet”的非营利组织，专门为退役军人与私营企业招聘主管搭建高端社交网络与就业对接平台。约翰的“新工作”戏剧性地变成了帮助其他老兵找工作。 在合作期间，乔丹向约翰灌输了企业家加里·维纳查克（Gary Vaynerchuk，即 GaryVee）的社交媒体打法：通过海量内容全面轰炸互联网。在服役期间连社交账号都极少使用的约翰，迅速被内容创作与社媒传播的威力所震撼。起初，约翰通过撰写有关军队生活的叙事性故事为慈善组织筹款，但随着文字叙事引起反响，他内心萌生了一个更强烈的念头：他不只想为慈善机构写故事，他要通过自媒体平台打造属于自己的个人品牌。 ### [44:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2670s) 触犯天条：海豹突击队的沉默法则与个人私利的诱惑 在海豹突击队以及整个特种作战圈子里，存在一条不可触碰的铁律——哪怕书店里摆满了海豹队员写的畅销书、好莱坞拍了无数部海豹突击队电影、在网上一搜也能找到大批公开发声的退役队员，但现役社群内部始终恪守着严格的沉默准则：“你绝不能把身为海豹突击队员当作炫耀的资本。”约翰坦言自己当时心知肚明却依然明知故犯。你可以诚实承认自己曾是海豹，但“海豹”这一崇高头衔从来不属于任何单个人；它是一群为了共同目标并肩拼杀、在战壕里流血甚至牺牲生命的集体共同铸就的。海豹突击队品牌的每一次威望提升，本质上都是建立在战友的牺牲之上的，因此退伍后跳出来大喊“看我多厉害，我是海豹突击队”来换取个人私利，是对这种牺牲的亵渎。 最初，约翰并未打算刻意打造“海豹硬汉”的人设。2018至2019年前后，他创办了旨在帮助退役海豹与退伍军人对接商业资源的慈善机构 Elite Meet。为了给该机构导流，他开始在个人社交平台上分享自己在突击队服役的经历。然而，随着某些帖子意外获得上千点赞，虚荣心开始作祟。约翰逐渐深陷其中，一步步滑向自己曾经最鄙视的形象——全网炫耀的“海豹突击队先生”，在镜头前狂妄地拍打胸脯。即便他没有泄露任何机密或违规敏感信息，这种单方面消费战友荣誉、自我标榜的行为，依然彻底踩碎了特战圈子的底线。 --- ### [46:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2780s) 来自兄弟会的彻底唾弃与超市里的冰冷凝视 随后降临的是海豹社群雷霆万钧的排挤与唾弃。这种打击与网络红人偶尔面对的网络暴力截然不同。约翰解释道，网民的攻击往往是隔靴搔痒，因为素昧平生；但这次发来刀刀见血信息的，全是他曾经朝夕相处、性命相托的亲密战友。他们不仅直接使用实名账号发来 Instagram 私信、电子邮件，甚至打来长篇语音电话，字字诛心地写道：“我以前是那样敬重你，而现在我对你只有鄙夷”，并明确告知他，整个中队的人现在聚在一起，都在痛骂他究竟有多烂。 当时约翰一家生活在弗吉尼亚海滩（Virginia Beach），这里正是他此前服役的海豹第二突击队（SEAL Team 2）的所在地，也是全美海豹队员最密集的聚集地之一。当他带着妻子去杂货店买菜或去健身房训练时，遇到的不是陌生粉丝，而是曾经并肩作战的老战友。那些人不会走上来对质，而是直接对他和他的家人投以极其冰冷、充满敌意的怒视（mean mug）。海豹突击队是一群受过极端致命训练、在战场出生入死的特战杀手，他们从不畏惧冲突，这种沉默的仇视带来了巨大的精神威压。约翰感到自己成了背叛兄弟会、将集体牺牲私有化的利己主义小人，那种被自己誓死效忠的社群全面唾弃的痛苦，让他彻夜难眠。 --- ### [49:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2955s) 挚友发来的“你真差劲”与清空全网内容的决断 促使转折发生的关键时刻出现在一个深夜。当时约翰正坐在自家的沙发上，手机屏幕突然亮起，弹出一条极短的私信：“你真差劲”（You suck）。发信人是他最好的挚友之一——一名现役海豹六队（SEAL Team Six）的顶尖特战队员。两人曾一起度过最艰苦的训练，两家人的妻子也是无话不谈的闺蜜。这句看似简单的短语在特种部队兄弟之间具有毁灭性的分量，它的潜台词清晰而冰冷：“我们不再是同路人了，你已经变质了，我打心底看不起你。” ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 海豹突击队内容创作危机与转型决断 accDescr: 展示约翰从利用海豹身份博取流量、遭遇战友抵制，到痛定思痛清空账号并寻求新方向的心路历程。 subgraph Trap["流量迷失与兄弟会决裂"] A["为慈善机构宣传服役经历"] --> B["点赞暴涨，自我膨胀为‘海豹先生’"] B --> C["跨越底线：消费战友鲜血换取个人流量"] C --> D["遭遇海豹社群孤立与挚友痛心斥责"] end subgraph Reset["自我反省与彻底断舍离"] D --> E["深刻反思：没有任何名利值得牺牲兄弟情谊"] E --> F["痛下决心：彻底删除全网海豹突击队内容"] F --> G["拒绝借口：坦然承认越界过错"] end subgraph Rebirth["内容转型的探索之路"] G --> H["迷茫期：短剧、Tik Tok 自动调音等失败尝试"] H --> I["灵感乍现：打开尘封文档‘迪亚特洛夫事件’"] end ``` 那一刻，约翰从以往因犯错（如催泪瓦斯违规、大学被退学）所培养出的反思机制再次被激活。他没有愤怒反击，没有找借口为自己辩解，更没有抱有任何报复心理，因为他心里完全清楚：如果换作自己坐在对方的位置上，也会对这样一个网上跳梁小丑深恶痛绝。他意识到：“没有任何在互联网上通过海豹内容换取的名声或金钱，值得我承受眼前的众叛亲离。”当晚，约翰痛下决心，删除了全网所有关于海豹突击队的内容（仅保留极少数特定公益片段），彻底告别了这条靠贩卖过去的荣誉苟活的死路。 - **断舍离的彻底性**：不留后路地清空以海豹身份为卖点的视频与贴文，即便这些内容曾给他带来大量关注。 - **认错的心态**：深知自己越过了隐形界线，完全理解战友们的愤怒，选择独自承担后果而非公开反唇相讥。 --- ### [50:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3053s) 从短视频死胡同到“奇怪、黑暗与神秘”：迪亚特洛夫事件的序幕 彻底剥离海豹突击队光环后，约翰依然渴望创作内容，但他陷入了极度的迷茫。为了迎合算法与潮流，他开始尝试各种毫无灵魂的内容形式，包括低俗的幽默情景短剧（sketch comedy），以及当时 TikTok 上盛行的流行趋势——用自带的自动调音（Auto-Tune）功能，用歌唱的方式讲述极其沉重或倒霉的人生创伤（例如遭遇抢劫）。在制作完一条调音视频后，约翰坐在屏幕前感到无地自容：“这绝对是我做过最烂透顶的东西，绝不能发出去。”盲目跟风不仅没有带来任何起色，反而让他觉得自己跌入了创作的谷底。 就在耗尽所有常规搞笑灵感之际，约翰打开了电脑里此前归类的另一份被遗忘的文档。当时他的电脑里存着两份清单：一份是各种脱离海豹身份的短剧与网络热点，已被证明全部行不通；另一份则完全独立，上面只写着一个词：“迪亚特洛夫事件”（Dyatlov Pass）。约翰从小就对那些“奇怪、黑暗与神秘”（Strange, Dark and Mysterious）的未知谜题痴迷不已。他指的并不是常规的真实罪案破案故事，而是涉及地球未解之谜、外星生命、南极洲在 Google 地球上为何被涂黑等宏大神秘命题。 他重新聚焦在 1950 年代发生在苏联的著名悬案上：九名经验极其丰富的高级徒步登山者，为了考取苏联在 1950 年代象征着最高荣誉的“三级登山证书”（Level 3 mountaineering test，获得者堪称国家乃至世界顶尖攀登大师），深入险峻的乌拉尔山脉（Ural Mountains）。考核要求队伍自行规划一条极其严苛的极寒冰雪路线并定时打卡。这群充满朝气的年轻登山者兴高采烈地带上相机出发，通过了首个打卡点后，却在狂风暴雪的崇山峻岭中彻底失联，最终促使苏联军方启动了最高等级的搜救程序，揭开了一段扑朔迷离的死亡谜团。正是这篇未解之谜的笔记，为约翰日后破茧成蝶成为“MrBallen”点燃了第一道微光。 ### [54:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3264s) 乌拉尔山脉的诡异现场：从内割开的帐篷与雪地裸足 搜救队沿着登山队原定的路线在乌拉尔山脉搜寻。那是一片没有树木、只有冰雪与刺骨冻原的荒原。很快，搜救人员远远望见了一座山峰，在狂风肆虐的半山腰斜坡正中央，赫然立着几顶帆布帐篷。从登山常识来看，这里堪称全山最危险、最糟糕的扎营点——暴露在凌厉的寒风中，极易被直接卷下悬崖；登山者要么翻过山顶，要么在体力不支时退回山谷底部扎营。这九名经验极其丰富的专业登山家，为何会选择在此驻扎？ 搜救人员赶到帐篷前，发现里面空无一人，但内部陈设却令人费解：衣物整整齐齐地叠放在角落，登山者似乎根本来不及带走御寒衣物便匆忙离开；更诡异的是，帐篷并不是从门帘打开，而是被人用刀直接从内部划开逃出。在零下50度的极寒暴风雪中，登山者主动划开帐篷遁入雪夜。雪地上留下了九名队员的清晰脚印一路向山下蔓延，有人光着双脚，有人仅穿着一只鞋子，显示出一种极度恐慌、仓促逃命的状态。 搜救队循着足迹一路下山，在乌拉尔山这片荒原极罕见的一处小树林边，找到了前三名遇难者： - 一名队员几乎赤身裸体，蜷缩在冰冻的地面上； - 另一名队员悬挂在树枝上； - 第三名队员倒在树下，身旁的高大树干上留下了极深、触目惊心的抓痕与撕凿痕迹，仿佛曾有什么巨兽疯狂攀爬或抓挠树木； - 现场景象惨烈，初步看符合严重冻伤暴露致死的特征，但他们身上的衣物残缺不全，与极寒环境极不相称。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 迪亚特洛夫事件现场发现流程 accDescr: 搜救队发现半山腰划开的帐篷，顺着足迹先发现小树林边的三具遗体，再在雪洞中发现另外六具带有诡异伤痕的遗体。 subgraph Slope["半山腰营地"] A["帆布帐篷（从内部用刀割开）"] --> B["整齐叠放的衣物留存室内"] B --> C["零下50度下的极寒雪地足迹（光脚/单鞋）"] end subgraph Trees["小树林边缘"] C --> D["发现3具遗体（近乎赤裸/挂于树枝）"] D --> E["树干留有极深的抓痕与撕凿痕迹"] end subgraph Cave["一英里外的雪洞"] D --> F["发现其余6具遗体"] F --> G["男女互换衣物 & 检出微量辐射"] F --> H["面部器官（唇、鼻、耳）精密缺失"] F --> I["胸腔粉碎性凹陷（承受汽车撞击般重创，无外伤表皮破损）"] end ``` --- ### [56:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3405s) 无法解释的惨状：微量辐射、消失的面部与神秘光芒 搜救人员从小树林继续追踪离开的足迹，大约走了一英里，回到搜救队来时的方向。那里的巨大积雪形成了一个类似雪洞的雪掩体，剩下的六名登山者全都死在雪洞内部。这里的景象比树林边更为骇人：队员们似乎彼此交换了衣服穿，女性穿着男性的衣服，男性穿着女性的衣物；更不可思议的是，多名遇难者的衣服上检测出了微量放射性物质残留。 尸检报告揭露了更多匪夷所思的细节：部分遇难者的面部器官——嘴唇、鼻子、耳朵等部位离奇缺失，边缘平整得宛如“外科手术般精准切除”；其中一人的胸骨被彻底压碎、凹陷下陷，法医推断造成这种伤势所需的冲击力相当于一辆高速行驶的汽车全速撞击，然而他的身体表面却没有任何刮擦或撕裂性外伤，令人无法想象是什么无形重击致其毙命。 伴随调查深入，另一桩军方巧合浮出水面：当时距离该地仅15至20英里的乌拉尔山区，正有一支苏联部队进行大规模军事演习。该部队完全不知道民间登山考核的存在。就在登山队被推测遇难的当晚，一名苏军高级指挥官目击到乌拉尔山脉上空升起大批诡异的光斑与光球，上下跳跃盘旋。指挥官一度惊恐地怀疑是有敌国入侵苏联领土，立即向上级发电报紧急核实。而他当时目睹神秘光芒并指向的方向，恰恰就是九名年轻登山者丧命的绝地。 面对家属对真相的强烈追问与社会疑云，苏联官方却突然急刹车，彻底终止了调查并将档案严密封存，仅给出一句流传后世的离奇结论：**这九名登山者死于一种“未知且非自然的强大力量”（an unknown unnatural force）**。自此，迪亚特洛夫事件（Dyatlov Pass incident）成了人类历史上最著名的未解之谜之一。 --- ### [59:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3550s) 水上乐园的60秒奇迹：MrBallen 频道的诞生 约翰·艾伦（John Allen）一直对这类悬疑暗黑的未解之谜极度着迷。当时的他正处于人生与事业的迷茫瓶颈期，之前围绕海豹突击队或军旅内容制作的所有网络尝试全都以失败告终，内容清单几乎耗尽。此时 TikTok 平台刚刚崭露头角，约翰抱着死马当活马医的心态，想试试在新平台上分享完全不一样的东西。 当时他正带着妻子和三个孩子在宾夕法尼亚州的一家室内水上乐园度假。在酒店房间里，约翰对家人说：“你们先去水上乐园，我一分钟后就下来找你们。”他独自掏出手机，穿着法兰绒衬衫、反戴着棒球帽，对着镜头用极具悬念的口吻录制了一段60秒的短视频，以“看完这个故事，你一定会去 Google 搜索两个词”开场，快节奏讲完了迪亚特洛夫事件。录完后，他将视频随手发布在没有任何粉丝基础的零权重个人账号上，随即把不防水的手机扔在房间，下楼陪孩子游泳。 几个小时后，当约翰回到房间拿起手机时，手机屏幕已经因信息过载而卡死黑屏，甚至一度开不了机。等好不容易重启成功，成千上万条未读通知如潮水般涌来——那条随手拍的短视频在短短数小时内狂揽超过500万播放量！在此之前，约翰制作的所有视频全网总播放量加起来也不过10万左右。这一爆发让他猛然顿悟： - 他的爆款完全脱离了海豹突击队的光环，纯粹来自于他发自内心的叙事热爱； - 他没有将其视作功利的商业收割机会，而是兴奋地意识到：“这太酷了，这就是我真正想讲的故事！” - 适逢全球新冠疫情爆发，人们被困在家中狂刷手机，而在充斥着跳舞青少年的 TikTok 上，一位反戴棒球帽、专注讲奇案的退役老兵以极高的辨识度脱颖而出； - 随后他顺势将阵地转移到 YouTube，正式开启了 MrBallen 时代。 --- ### [01:01:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3683s) 破解假说还是未解之谜？对2020年官方结论的质疑 当主持人追问约翰本人对迪亚特洛夫事件真相的看法时，约翰坦言：“兄弟，我真的不知道。”虽然俄罗斯官方在2020年重新启动调查，约翰甚至打趣说这次重调部分原因可能就是因为他的视频引发了全网对迪亚特洛夫事件的狂热检索，但官方最终归咎于“小型板状雪崩”（ice slab avalanche）的结论，根本无法解答诸多核心疑点。 约翰客观分析了科学解释与离奇线索之间的矛盾： - **反常脱衣现象（Paradoxical Undressing）**：医学上证实，人体在发生重度失温症（hypothermia）并濒临死亡时，体温调节中枢会失灵，产生极度燥热的幻觉，导致受害者在暴风雪中失去理智脱光衣物。这或许能解释为何有人近乎裸体，或者他们搭错帐篷后遭遇恶劣严寒失温； - **雪崩或雪板坠落冲击**：如果真有一记雪板砸塌帐篷，或砸中队员，或许能解释胸骨凹陷与仓皇外逃； - **无法闭合的巨大漏洞**：如果仅仅是一场雪崩和失温，那么树干上深可见骨的恐怖抓痕从何而来？男女之间互换穿戴的衣服为何残留微量核辐射？苏联军方演习时目击的高空怪光究竟是什么？死者面部宛如手术切除般的精细伤口又如何形成？以及最关键的——为什么苏联当局早在1950年代就草草盖棺定论为“未知非自然力量”？这些疑团至今仍然让这起悲剧笼罩在浓雾之中。 ### [01:02:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3767s) 迪亚特洛夫事件与超自然怀疑论 John Allen（MrBallen）坦言自己本质上是一个极度的怀疑论者，而常年从事这类神秘故事创作的经历，反倒让他变得更加怀疑一切。网络上流传的大量神秘故事充斥着虚构和捏造，往往经不起推敲。然而，乌拉尔山脉的“迪亚特洛夫事件”（Dyatlov Pass incident）却始终是他心中无法轻易抹去的少数案例之一——9 名经验丰富的登山者死状诡异，军方介入后更是疑云重重，留下了太多无法合理解释的空白。 尽管他坚信科学和理性，甚至表示如果未来有确凿证据证明这只是一场罕见的辐射泄漏或某种自然意外，他也会完全释然并接受，但迪亚特洛夫事件至今依然让他保留了一丝敬畏。它让人不得不去思考：这个世界上是否真的存在人类目前尚无法理解的力量，无论是超自然现象还是地外文明？在所有离奇事件中，它是极少数真正能为“超自然现象”提供有力佐证的案例。 --- ### [01:03:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3814s) “时机与运气”背后的真相：行动催生转机 主持人提出追问：纵观 John Allen 的人生轨迹——从大学低谷期跌入谷底，到逆袭成为海豹突击队队员；因伤退役后在领英制作海豹内容却被战友圈排斥误解；再到偶然接触 TikTok、进军 YouTube 成为现象级叙事顶流——当回顾这一连串看似传奇的经历时，该如何给那些感到迷茫、渴望找到属于自己赛道的人提供建议？ John Allen 回忆起自己和妻子常常挂在嘴边的一句话：“我们的运气和时机真是太不可思议了。”他分享了一个退役时期的关键转折点： ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 海豹退役到创立非营利组织的转折链条 accDescr: 展示因退役迫近倒逼行动，并意外获得军方延期孵化的正向循环 subgraph Crisis ["危机降临：行动倒逼"] A["海军通知面临医疗退役<br/>无工作/无收入备选"] --> B["绝境下主动向外联络<br/>结识 Jordan 创立 Elite Meet"] end subgraph Extension ["时机加持：军方延期"] B --> C["非营利组织步入正轨<br/>开始获得捐款与微薄薪水"] C --> D["海军意外延期合同 8-10 个月<br/>每周仅需工作数小时并照发全薪"] end subgraph Outcome ["良性孵化"] D --> E["军方全薪隐形孵化 Elite Meet<br/>无需为谋生分心，全力做大业务"] end ``` 当时他面临医疗退役，军方突然告知他可能一个月内就会被直接清退，而他当时既没有找好下家，也没有任何收入来源。正是出于生存的巨大紧迫感，他立刻四处联络人脉，结识了合伙人 Jordan，两人迅速创办了帮助退伍特种兵转型的非营利组织 Elite Meet。 就在他们刚开始拿到捐款、组织活动、John 依靠微薄薪水勉强维系生计的时刻，军方却突然下达通知：由于行政流程原因，他的服役合同被延长了 8 到 10 个月。当时他已处于退役待命状态，每周只需要去军营打卡两三个小时，却能按月领到全额军队薪水。这笔延期发放的军队薪资实际上变成了 Elite Meet 的“孵化器”，让他不必急于从初创机构中支取薪水养家，从而全身心投入到业务拓展中。 乍看之下，这完全是天赐的“完美时机”，但 John 强调：如果不是最初被逼入绝境时主动出击创立了 Elite Meet，后来的延期福利就没有任何实质意义。疫情初期他入局 TikTok 同样踩中了流量爆发的红利期，但能够接住红利的前提是他始终拥有“立即尝试、快速勾选待办”的行动力，而不是被反复的思前想后彻底困在原地。正如退役海豹指挥官 Jocko Willink 所倡导的哲学：**你必须先让自己动起来**；只有当你处于行进状态时，机遇的大门才会向你敞开。 --- ### [01:06:59](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4019s) 行动偏好：最好的东西都在恐惧的另一侧 主持人对 John 将成功归因于“时机”提出了不同见解。他指出，“完美时机”往往是人们在事后复盘时产生的幸存者偏差；真正起决定性作用的，是 John 骨子里那股极其罕见的**行动偏好（bias towards action）**。 - **99.9% 的人做不到的举动**：在度假时把妻子和孩子送到泳池，自己一个人关在房间里，在一个完全陌生、知之甚少的平台上，拍摄从没涉足过的内容类型。 - **敢于回复极少数人理会的消息**：当领英上有人发来联络时，绝大多数特种兵根本不予理睬，但 John 不仅回复了，还专程飞去纽约会面，这才促成了后续的事业转折。 - **拥抱失败获取反馈**：即便最初在领英上做特种部队内容遭遇了群嘲和误解，他也从中学到了社交媒体的分发逻辑，并将这些宝贵经验直接带入到下一次测试中。 - **不惧难堪与拙劣**：在迈出第一步时，心甘情愿承担在公众面前出丑、表现笨拙的风险。 John 对此深表认同，并分享了他如今奉为人生准则的核心信念：“去做那些让你感到害怕的事。”他提到了演员 Will Smith 曾在脱口秀节目中讲述的高空跳伞经历： 前一天晚上朋友们随口提议去跳伞，大家都在起哄，Will 以为只是酒后玩笑；第二天一早大家却玩真的，他一路硬着头皮签免责协议、坐上飞机，当机舱门在几千英尺高空打开的一瞬间，他坐在舱门边缘陷入了彻底的恐慌和绝望。教练数到“一”就带着他纵身跃出——而就在跳出机舱的一刹那，所有的恐惧荡然无存，取而代之的是在空中翱翔的极致畅快与自由。 Will Smith 由此得出震撼人心的顿悟：“**人生中最美好的事物，往往都在恐惧的另一侧**（The best things in life are on the other side of fear）。” John 表示自己的人生正是这句话的写照：当初决定加入海豹突击队时，他面临着对无法达标、被顶尖同侪碾压的巨大恐惧，但他硬是顶住压力战胜了这种怯懦；近期他更是走出线上舒适区，直接完成了多达 15 场现场巡回演讲演出（live tour），每一次突破瓶颈，靠的都是主动跨越恐惧的深渊。 ### [01:10:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4258s) 战胜恐惧：最好的事物永远在恐惧的另一端 约翰·艾伦（John Allen，即 MrBallen）坦言，自己其实对公开演讲感到极度恐惧。在人生的某些阶段，他曾当着全场观众的面彻底僵住（freeze up），难堪到不得不放下麦克风默默离场。然而，正是这样一个对演讲心怀阴影的人，却主动发起了一场面对数千名观众的现场巡演（live tour）。在约翰看来，人对自己不感兴趣的事往往心如止水，但面对真正渴望触及的远大目标——即所谓“生命中最美好的事物”时，内心不可避免地会激发出恐惧反应。当然，这不同于在地下室听到闯入者脚步声时本能的逃生避险；在设定人生愿景时，每个人在“洗澡沉思”（shower thoughts）中都会浮现出极度渴望尝试的事情，可能是联系一位断联十年的老友，也可能是登上舞台演讲。阻碍人们迈出那一步的，归根结底是对失败、尴尬以及各种人性脆弱的恐惧。 约翰指出，世界上只有极少数人能够在被吓得魂飞魄散时，依然咬牙对自己说“我偏要去做”，而这部分人往往能拥有最充实的人生。他以威尔·史密斯（Will Smith）为例：作为顶尖演员，威尔必须习惯在众目睽睽的高压下精准表演，一生都在直面恐惧；跳伞的例子同样证明，真正的折磨全都在跃出机舱之前。约翰将这一信条言传身教给自己的孩子们——“去做那些让你害怕的事”。在刚刚结束的巡演开场前，他整个人陷入了存在主义危机般的心理煎熬，但当他真正踏上舞台的那一刻，豁然开朗的快感瞬间取代了恐慌。主持人斯蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）对此深表共鸣，指出在面临抉择时，摆在面前的无非是两种痛苦：一种是接受清单上永远未完成的遗憾（unchecked box），另一种是直面自己强加的精神折磨。在临终关怀的统计中，人们最后悔的永远是未曾尝试的空白，而不是当年在台上放下话筒落荒而逃的尴尬。 - **旧金山演讲翻车事件**：约翰曾在一场旧金山的晚宴演讲中彻底卡壳，当众放下麦克风离场。他不仅没有因这段黑历史沉沦，反而将其视为逼迫自己日后直面公众演讲的核心催化剂。 - **面对恐惧的心理规律**：行动前夕的心理折磨永远远甚于行动本身的现实难度；一旦投身其中面对现实，情况往往并没有想象中那么可怕。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 克服恐惧与选择心理模型 accDescr: 展示面对恐惧时的两种人生选择路径及其终极结果对比 subgraph Choice["人生重大抉择"] A["面临心生恐惧的目标<br/>（如公开演讲、全新探索）"] --> B{"你的选择"} end subgraph PathAvoid["逃避路径"] B -- "选择安全退缩" --> C["留下'未打勾的空白'<br/>（Unchecked Box）"] C --> D["长期的遗憾与自我怀疑<br/>（临终最大憾事）"] end subgraph PathFace["直面路径"] B -- "迎难而上" --> E["忍受事前的心理折磨<br/>（Mental Torment）"] E --> F["踏上舞台/直面现实"] F --> G["收获突破与内心充实<br/>（最好的事物在恐惧背面）"] end ``` --- ### [01:14:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4464s) 离开海豹突击队后的被误解与自证 当斯蒂芬问及外界对他最大的误解时，约翰敞开了心扉。首先是来自昔日海豹突击队（Navy SEALs）圈子的误解。在转型成为创作者之前，他曾发布过一些关于海豹突击队的内容，这导致许多前队友与他决裂并鄙视他，认为他在自我吹嘘、摆出一副“我是超级英雄”的傲慢姿态。约翰澄清道，自己从未觉得自己高人一等，他非常清楚与那些战功赫赫的资深老兵相比，自己只是一名经历有限的初级海豹队员。当身处突击队那个高度封闭抱团的“狼群”中时，人很容易产生一种退役后做什么都能成功的幻觉；可一旦脱离体制、被孤身抛入现实社会，为了养家糊口、重新确立人生立足点，动用自己过往最重要的人生经历几乎是唯一的突破口。 - **创作初衷的真相**：约翰制作军旅相关内容并不是出于自大，而是在脱离军队保护伞后，一个迷茫退伍军人绝望中抓住的救命稻草。 - **与战友的隔阂**：直到今天，部分海豹突击队成员依然对他抱有敌意，误以为他沉迷于扮演“海豹先生”的虚荣形象，而忽视了他在体制外生存转型的艰难现实。 --- ### [01:16:01](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4561s) 疯狂连更、身心透支与“唯利是图”的偏见 随着频道在“离奇、黑暗与神秘”（Strange, Dark & Mysterious）故事赛道上迅速崛起，约翰陷入了另一种极端的泥潭。早期的自媒体创作几乎剥夺了他所有的私人生活。他曾疯狂到每周独立产出多达5期、每期长达25分钟的深度视频。从查资料、撰写脚本、拍摄到后期剪辑全由他一人包揽，单期视频制作往往耗时约26个小时。在长达7天无休的恶性循环下，他严重缺乏睡眠，不仅体重暴增，甚至一度沦为重度酗酒者（raging alcoholic），与深爱的妻子和三个孩子之间的关系也濒临破裂。最终，约翰意识到这种狂热是在透支生命，于是毅然决定缩减内容产出，把时间还给家庭。 然而，随着事业逐步壮大并建立起正规的工作室团队与出版业务，大众舆论却走向了另一个误区：部分观众开始将他视作一个“满脑子只顾圈钱的公司老板”（money-grubbing corporate guy）。约翰对此感到无奈，他解释说，自己的底色从未改变，他本质上依然是那个偶然拍了一条 TikTok 爆款视频、对商业运作懵懵懂懂的创作者。他做这件事的原始动力纯粹源于对讲故事的狂热热爱，以及对自主掌舵人生的向往，金钱早已不是驱使他的核心动力。 - **早期单打独斗的工作量**：单期视频耗时约26小时，周产出高达5期长视频，极度透支健康。 - **生活优先级的调整**：以牺牲部分内容产能为代价，换取身心健康及陪伴家人的时间，戒除酗酒并摆脱严重肥胖。 - **内容创作者的无休循环**：针对斯蒂芬提出的“创作者列车一旦停下即意味着失败”这一困境，约翰明确表示自己绝非为了金钱在硬撑；巡演中与鲜活观众的面对面互动，让他重新找回了将屏幕上的数字还原为真实连接的纯粹快乐。 ### [01:19:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4785s) 巡演的满足感与不断重塑自我的渴望 回顾刚刚结束的现场巡演，约翰·艾伦（John Allen，即 MrBallen）感叹能与台下真实的观众面对面互动是多么充实和快乐。在巡演开始前，他就曾对首席执行官兼经纪人尼克（Nick）直言，为了能获得站上舞台办演出的经历，他“哪怕自己倒贴钱也心甘情愿”。约翰坦言，自己踏入这一行从来不是为了成名或发财；虽然他渴望成功，也明白金钱和名气是成功的副产品，但他本质上是一个热爱尝试新事物、在不断设立新目标中获得滋养的人。他曾多次重塑自我，当创立 MrBallen 这一品牌时，他的初衷并非“能赚多少钱”或“能把公司做多大”，而仅仅是单纯地挑战自己：“我能否再做一部大家喜欢的视频？我能否把这种吸引力一直保持下去？” ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 目标演进与内心驱动力 accDescr: 展示 MrBallen 从单条视频创作到巡演突破，最终达成心愿并寻找新意义的心路历程。 subgraph Phase1["初创期：内容探索"] A["创作单条优质视频"] --> B["维持受众持续共鸣"] end subgraph Phase2["突破期：直面恐惧"] B --> C["突破公开演讲心魔"] C --> D["单人聚光灯极简现场巡演"] end subgraph Phase3["现状：意义重构"] D --> E["心愿清单全部勾选完成"] E --> F["守护家庭与寻找下一个核心目标"] end ``` ### [01:20:48](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4848s) 是否会彻底告别 MrBallen？ 当主持人史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）问他是否想过彻底停下来、隐退离场时，约翰给出了一个既肯定又否定的答案。他认为自己完全有能力在某一天坦然说一句“我已经圆满了”，然后带着家人隐退，“骑着马消失在夕阳之中”。史蒂芬提醒他，包括主频道的近千万订阅者以及全网各平台和播客在内，他目前拥有大约 2,000 万至 2,500 万的庞大受众群；面对如此规模的影响力，能够真正抽身而去需要极大的决断力。约翰承认，自己确实在设想这种未来的可能性。 ### [01:21:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4885s) 战胜恐惧：勾掉人生深处那颗“未打勾的方框” 在谈到促使自己产生这种心态的转折点时，约翰剖析了自己内心深处长久以来的一个执念。从他参军步入成年起，他就一直渴望举办一场大型公开演讲，纯粹是为了征服那个令人生畏的瞬间。他的父亲是一位极其出色的演说家，曾做过多场高规格演讲。约翰深知自己继承了演讲和讲故事的天赋，但在成名之前，他一直把公开演讲视为一件极其恐怖的事情，甚至自我安慰说“我虽然有口才，但手头没有合适的内容”，以此为借口选择忍受这个“未打勾的愿望清单”。 然而，随着 MrBallen 影响力的爆发，内容、观众和机会同时摆在眼前，做与不做完全成了一道抉择题。在过去几年里，他经历了剧烈的心理煎熬，最终下定决心不仅要登台，还要展开全美巡演。为了把挑战的压迫感拉满，他特意要求巡演舞台采用极简的制作配置： > “我希望舞台上只有我一个人、一束聚光灯和一支麦克风，让那种紧绷感达到极致。因为我觉得如果我不从最纯粹的形式开始，我就始终不算真正兑现自己长久以来的心愿——成为那个手握麦克风、牢牢吸引全场目光的人。” 最终他战胜了恐惧，圆满完成了巡演。伴随着巡演在票房与口碑上的大获成功，以及图像小说《MrBallen Presents: Strange, Dark & Mysterious: The Graphic Stories》荣登《纽约时报》畅销书榜，约翰突然发现，自己成年以来深藏在心底的所有愿望清单居然全被打上了勾。他坦言这听起来可能有点自负，但他目前确实没有任何尚未完成的宏大目标了，甚至幽默地调侃道：“我唯一剩下的未竟之志就是代表波士顿红袜队上场投球，但那班车显然早就开走了。” - 全平台累计关注度：涵盖 YouTube 主频道、衍生平台及播客，全网粉丝总量约为 2,000 万至 2,500 万。 - 巡演呈现形式：极简舞台布景，不依赖复杂舞美特效，仅凭一束聚光灯、一支麦克风完成单人叙事。 - 出版成就：推出的图像小说成功打入《纽约时报》畅销书榜。 ### [01:25:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5138s) 失去目标后的迷茫与“潜水器富豪”隐喻 谈及失去目标后的心理状态，约翰坦言，每个人都需要一个尚未勾选的目标来维持前进的动力和生命的意义感。他借由此前发生的泰坦号观光潜水器内爆惨剧打了个比方：那些参与深海探险的人往往是亿万富翁，他们坐拥世间所有资源，物质享受早已变得索然无味，一艘价值一亿美元的游艇对普通人来说遥不可及，因此豪车游艇才有其特殊的吸引力；但对于能买下一切的超级富豪而言，常规商品彻底失去了价值，剩下的唯有通过追逐极端冒险来获取肾上腺素的刺激。 约翰明确表示自己绝非亿万富翁，但在事业目标上，他确实陷入了一种不知下一步该往何处去的空虚。现阶段除了全心全意陪伴妻子和孩子——这一信念深刻源于他在阿富汗险些丧命的经历——他仍在耐心等待下一个能够激起内心波澜的宏大目标出现。他之所以至今仍然经常亲自翻看 YouTube 评论区和 Reddit 社区上的刺眼负评，不是为了追求商业利益，而是因为他打心底里深爱讲故事本身，真正在意观众的真实想法。 ### [01:27:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5238s) 创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）与被忽视的隐患 史蒂芬将话题转入心理健康，询问约翰早年经历的创伤后应激障碍（PTSD）以及曾陷入酗酒泥潭的过往。约翰坦言自己的心理健康曾经历过非常艰难的挣扎，根源主要来自于他的军旅生涯。2014 年在阿富汗因手榴弹袭击受伤后，他在军队体系中接受了常规治疗与评估。 然而，当时的他并未真正直面内心的创伤。为了能够尽快通过心理评估重返作战队伍、与战友们并肩作战，他只是在心理咨询师面前“配合演戏”，逢场作戏地应付各项问题。身体稍有恢复后，他迎来了第二次军事部署，被派往南美洲的秘鲁去训练当地军队。出发前，约翰甚至觉得这次任务会十分轻松，认为住在环境优美的大房子里训练秘鲁部队根本算不上真正的实战部署，完全无法与阿富汗的残酷战地相提并论，却未曾料到真正的心理危机正在暗中滋生。 ### [01:28:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5310s) 秘鲁外派任务：迷茫、文化冲击与心理崩溃的开端 在结束阿富汗的作战后，约翰·艾伦（John Allen / MrBallen）被派往秘鲁执行一项训练外军的任务。与高危的前线交火不同，这种外派基本上像是在担任“教官”或“老师”，虽然意义重大，但毫无实战压力。正因如此，他在心理上毫无防备，完全低估了远赴秘鲁所带来的现实冲击。秘鲁是一个完全以西班牙语为主的国家，当地几乎没有人讲英语。由于他必须比小队晚出发一周，他只能独自飞抵秘鲁机场。在服役期间军方曾安排过西语课程，但他当时根本没当回事，西语水平仅停留在极其蹩脚的入门程度。 一落地秘鲁，强烈的焦虑感便扑面而来：机场里无人会讲英语，所有标识全是西语，行李被扣留盘查却因语言不通无法解释；前来接机的是一位从未谋面且不会英语的当地司机。更让他感到不安的是，驱车前往驻地的路上穿过了极度破败、危险的贫民窟。那一刻他猛然意识到，自己孤身置身于异国他乡，远离怀有身孕的妻子，还要在这里度过漫长的六个月。虽然以驻外标准来看半年不算长，但强烈的孤立感与陌生感瞬间击垮了他，甚至让他重新陷入了宛如在阿富汗服役时的精神泥潭。 在秘鲁期间，他的心理健康恶化到了濒临精神失常的边缘，饱受极度抑郁与妄想的折磨： - **恶劣潮湿的居住环境**：驻地潮湿闷热且没有风扇，床单和衣服永远散发着湿气，窗外是喧闹混乱的街头噪音。 - **反复出现的恐怖梦境**：他夜夜做着同一个恶梦——梦见自己身处俄罗斯的一座使馆或联邦大楼街角，有人突然从车里冲出来将他绑架劫持作为人质。反反复复的恶梦让他惊醒并怀疑自己正在疯掉。 - **对家庭的牵挂与自责**：当时妻子怀着他们的第一个孩子，身在远方的他深陷对家庭的思念与无力感中。 - **阿富汗创伤的反扑**：在极度虚弱的精神状态下，阿富汗战场上的残酷记忆开始反噬。战争中亲历的血腥与极端经历，以及军旅为了让年轻人持续上前线而进行的一套“不仅要适应战争，甚至要以战争为乐”的心理灌输，让他的价值观开始全面瓦解，不断质问自己为何要留在军队。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 秘鲁外派引发的心理危机 accDescr: 展示约翰从缺乏心理准备到最终精神陷入严重危机的因果发展流程图。 subgraph Env["现实冲击与孤立"] A["轻视非战斗任务<br>毫无心理准备"] --> B["孤身入境秘鲁<br>语言不通与环境恶劣"] B --> C["思念怀孕妻子<br>异乡孤立长达半年"] end subgraph Trauma["精神崩溃与反思"] C --> D["持续恶梦与妄想症兆<br>心理濒临崩溃"] D --> E["阿富汗战争创伤反扑<br>质疑从军意义与自我认知"] end ``` ### [01:32:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5539s) 退役归家与愤怒失控：踏上心理治疗之路 从秘鲁回国后，约翰对继续留在军队产生了深深的厌恶，加上此前受到的身体创伤，他最终选择了因伤病退役（Medical Retirement）。刚退役时，他抱有一种“我彻底解脱了、可以单打独斗”的抗拒态度，拒绝继续看心理医生。然而，战争与服役留下的创伤并未凭空消失，反而转化为持续的暴躁与愤怒。 退役后的他整日处于极度紧绷的状态，任何鸡毛蒜皮的小事都能让他暴跳如雷。虽然不是那种惊弓之鸟般的神经质，但全身始终像拉满的弓弦一样充满攻击性。这种失控的情绪很快波及到了家庭，甚至发展到妻子和孩子都害怕接近他、不敢待在他身边的地步。在家人的严肃劝说下，他也清醒地意识到自己“整个人一团糟”，终于在 2018 年左右下定决心走进诊疗室接受专业心理咨询。通过敞开内心谈论服役期间的所见所作所为，他才开始学着宽恕自己，逐步走出自我厌恶的怪圈。他感慨道：“心理治疗的目的绝不是让你忘记过去，而是赋予你一种此前从未拥有的全新视角。” ### [01:33:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5635s) 身份认同的剥离：从“特种杀手”重回真实自我 当被问及当初为何陷入如此深的自我仇视时，约翰剖析了自己成为海豹突击队员的深层动机。他坦言，最初参军确实觉得保家卫国是件崇高光荣的事，但真正吸引他加入海豹突击队的，其实是那项耗时数年、淘汰率极高的严苛挑战本身。在训练期间，学员们根本无暇去想“成为海豹之后的生活究竟会怎样”，把全部心力都放在不被淘汰上；然而当真正戴上三叉戟徽章后，残酷的现实才迎面袭来。 海豹突击队的本职工作核心就是直面生死——“在这个岗位上，有人会牺牲，而你也必须去杀人”。军方建立了一套极其卓越且高效的训练机制，通过高强度的精神规训将普通人塑造成能够毫不犹豫投入杀戮的合格战士。置身其中时，人会进入一种类似“母体网络”（Matrix）的思维模式，为了胜任这份工作，约翰曾经拼尽全力展现出极度凶狠、极具攻击性的“Alpha 男”姿态。但当这层精神铠甲出现裂缝、他意识到自己想追求另一种人生时，他不得不直视那个曾经被塑造出来的自己。回望过去，他对自己为了适应军旅而变成的那个人感到陌生甚至羞愧，这种剧烈的身份剥离带来了巨大的阵痛。 如今，他依然每周接受来自英国的心理咨询师 Vinnie Shoran 的治疗，去直面心底潜藏的“心魔”。尽管已经解甲归田，但他依然为自己的老兵身份感到自豪，也由衷敬重那些曾经并肩作战、哪怕如今因各种误解而厌恶他的战友们。他最终释怀地承认：海豹突击队是一群非凡勇士的殿堂，但那份需要泯灭部分人性去战斗的职业，终究不再适合真正的自己。 ### [01:37:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5848s) 阿富汗实战部署的烙印与平民身份的和解 许多特种作战单位的士兵即便进入了作战部队，由于时运或分配原因，也可能从未真正经历过实战，心中难免留下一块未被勾选的遗憾之憾。但 MrBallen 经历了前往阿富汗的实战部署。虽然说这是一种“馈赠”听起来或许有些残忍，但对他而言，这确实让他亲身体验到了这份工作的真实面貌。他坦言自己绝不会向任何人炫耀自己经历过无数次部署，他仅仅经历了一次实战巡回（combat tour），但正是那一次，便足以让他彻底认清：自己并不是天生适合干这一行的人。 然而，那些经历已经刻在了他的生命中，他曾实实在在地做过那些事、成为过那样的人。如今重返平民社会，他正努力与过去和解。如今的他是一个完全不同且更好的人：他将过往磨炼出的所有优秀品质倾注在当下，努力扮演好丈夫和父亲的角色，做正确的事情。尽管如此，当他回望过去，依然会觉得不可思议——自己竟然真的曾经是一名海豹突击队队员。 ### [01:38:34](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5914s) 什么是心魔：直面而非逃避的心理疗愈 每个人心中都有不同程度的“心魔”（demons），关键在于这些心魔拥有多大的力量来操纵你的抉择。对于长期接受心理治疗的 MrBallen 而言，他认识到最核心的一点是：你根本无法靠自我说服去消除心魔。所谓“心魔”，往往是那种在特定时间、特定触发物下不受控制侵入脑海的念头；每当它刚露出一丝苗头，你的第一反应往往是惊恐、抵抗，在脑海里拼命对自己喊：“别想了，我现在不想面对这个，我现在受不了”。这种试图自我催眠“这不是心魔”的做法从长远来看注定徒劳无功，无论那念头本身是否理性，它都是真实存在的心魔。 在 MrBallen 看来，应对心魔的唯一出路并非强行“拥抱”或压抑，而是说出来。在心理治疗中，与中立、专业的心理咨询师对话不仅是一种宣泄（catharsis），更是一种震撼的体验——在安全私密的环境里，当你亲耳听到自己将内心深处极其私密、深层的不安全感与痛苦大声讲出来时，往往连自己都会难以置信。一个优秀的咨询师不会否定你的感受，而是充当倾听者与解读者，为你提供看待问题的新视角。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 应对心魔的心理机制对比 accDescr: 对比逃避心魔带来的恶性循环与通过心理咨询直面心魔带来的疗愈过程 subgraph Trap["无效应对：压抑与逃避"] A["触发物 / 念头浮现"] --> B["心理防御：'别想了，我现在受不了'"] B --> C["自我催眠：试图说服自己不存在心魔"] C --> D["心魔持续失控并反复侵扰"] end subgraph Healing["有效应对：专业心理咨询"] E["在中立、私密环境中大声倾诉"] --> F["亲耳听见深层脆弱与隐秘痛苦"] F --> G["专业咨询师倾听并重构视角"] G --> H["宣泄情绪并达成心理和解"] end ``` ### [01:40:53](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6053s) 节目中插赞助：精力管理与红外桑拿毯 节目中插播了两则品牌赞助。主持人 Steven Bartlett 分享了他作为播客主持人的精力管理心得。面对高强度的访谈与未知的专业话题，以往的能量饮料往往伴随着高糖分、心悸手抖（jitters）、能量骤跌（crashes）以及大量人工成分。因此，他投资并推荐了抹茶能量饮品品牌 PerfectTed，认为它显著提升了团队以及他个人的认知表现与身体机能，目前在 Tesco、Waitrose 及官网均有销售。 随后，主持人介绍了另一款赞助产品——Bon Charge 红外桑拿毯（infrared sauna blanket）。不同于加热周围空气的传统桑拿，红外桑拿毯直接加热身体，具有便携、适合居家和旅行使用的特点。Steven 提到，在睡前使用该产品可以提升他的睡眠评分，促进血液循环，缓解去健身房造成的肌肉酸痛与僵硬，同时红外技术也被认为对改善皮肤状态大有裨益。 ### [01:43:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6180s) 父子心结：入伍海豹突击队引发的长年决裂 回到童年与家庭话题，MrBallen 谈到了他与父亲之间复杂的关系。尽管父母在他 13 岁时离异，他随母亲和姐妹生活，但父亲一直积极参与他的成长，两人感情曾非常要好。转折点发生在他大学毕业前后：起初他勉强从大学毕业并透露想去读法学院，父亲满心以为儿子终于浪子回头，即将走上一条安稳坦荡的人生道路。然而，毫无预兆地，他突然向家人宣布自己要入伍海军并争取成为海豹突击队队员。 这一决定立刻引发了巨大的心理震动。从一位父亲的角度来看，无论何种结局都令人担忧：如果成功，儿子将成为身赴战火的海豹队员；如果选拔被淘汰，由于没有指定专业特长（rate），儿子就会沦为海军的“待分配人员”（needs of the Navy），被困在干脏活累活的底层岗位长达四年。然而，年轻的 MrBallen 将父亲的极度担忧曲解为轻视，认为父亲打心底里不相信自己能通过选拔。 - **长达十余年的冷战疏离**：带着这种被轻视的怨恨，MrBallen 于 2010 年前往新兵训练营。虽然期间维持了极低限度的联系，但从 2010 年到几年前，他出于内心的愤懑与偏执，主动选择几乎不与父亲说话。 - **重新审视过往怨恨**：随着心智成熟，加上父亲重组家庭带来的心理隔阂，他后来意识到很多内心的怨气与敌意其实是站不住脚的，是自己在脑海中将父亲的担忧异化为了一场旷日持久的心结。直到近期，父子关系才迎来了破冰与复苏。 ### [01:45:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6350s) 与父亲的和解：打破“为了证明他错了”的心结 长期以来，约翰·艾伦（John Allen）与父亲的关系一直笼罩在一种负面的情绪对抗中。在海豹突击队残酷的选拔训练（BUD/S）期间，每当濒临放弃的绝境时刻，支撑约翰咬牙挺下去的动力竟然是一种强烈的逆反心理——他心里认定了“父亲根本不相信我能成”。他常常在脑海中浮现出一旦被淘汰出局、回家面对父亲时的场景，想象着父亲可能会冷冷地说一句“我早告诉过你吧”，这种念头让他感到浑身起鸡皮疙瘩。这种不服输、急于证明父亲看走眼的憋屈感（chip on his shoulder），化作了一股推着他跨越体能极限的暗黑动力，但也让父子俩在随后的许多年里渐行渐远，各自生活，几乎断绝了深层次的情感交集。 直到最近，约翰通过与好友兼心理咨询师深入复盘自己的内心世界，才终于迎来了认知的转折。在各种机缘巧合之下，父子二人重新取得了联系，并坐下来进行了一次推心置腹的坦白长谈。谈话的结果让约翰大吃一惊：原来父亲当年之所以态度保留，纯粹只是出于一位父亲对儿子的本能担忧；更让约翰始料不及的是，父亲心里一直觉得是儿子讨厌他、不爱他。多年来横亘在两人之间的冷漠与隔阂，不过是彼此误解与缺乏坦诚沟通的产物。如今解开结石般的陈年心结后，父子俩终于重归于好，这让约翰由衷地感到欣慰与释然。 ### [01:46:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6415s) 男性的心理死结：那些难以启齿的“真正心魔”与坦诚实验 许多男性——尤其是那些经历过残酷实战、被大众视为“钢铁硬汉”的军人，往往极度缺乏倾诉脆弱与情绪的工具和环境。主持人史蒂文·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）对此深有感触，坦言自己在过去很长一段时间里也是如此：作为男人，他本能地认为自己的天职就是“吞下所有苦楚、独自默默抗下一切”，即便遭遇焦虑、挫败或情绪极度低落，也从不向伴侣吐露半句。然而现实证明，被压抑的情绪从未真正消失，反而会以意想不到的破坏性方式向外渗漏——或是演变成喜怒无常的脾气，或是拖垮身体健康，或是促使人沉迷于廉价多巴胺的即时快感。直到后来史蒂文尝试展开一项“人生实验”，主动坐下来对伴侣彻底交底，坦承自己当下面临的煎熬与过往的不坦诚，这种情感上的如释重负才成为了他人生至关重要的转折点。 针对男性群体面临的这种困局，约翰提出了极其独到的剖析。他指出，人内心的负面阴影其实可以分为两类：一类是“社会普遍能够接纳的挫败”，例如厌倦工作、对伴侣感情变淡，这类问题虽然棘手，但即使公开聊起，外界也不会轻易质疑你的男性气概；而真正致命的“心魔（Demons）”，是那些极度私密、说出口就会让人感到无地自容的怪癖与软弱。如果一个人始终不敢把这些难以启齿的真相讲出来，它们就会像恶犬一样终生缠绕着你。约翰甚至毫无顾忌地分享了自己年轻时一个极为私密的困扰——他从小就患有严重的“害羞膀胱综合征”（Paruresis），极难在他人注视或公共洗手间排尿。这种生理尴尬虽然不至于摧毁生活，却带来了长期的社交不适，以至于当年促使他决定参军的一个奇特潜意识动机，正是海豹突击队极其严格且完全公开的随机药物尿检。他当时认定，自己必须进入一个会强行逼迫自己当众排尿的极端组织，以此正面击碎这个难堪的心魔。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 坦诚表达与隐瞒心魔的心理因果对比 accDescr: 对比男性在面对私密心魔时，选择压抑隐瞒导致恶性误解，与选择勇敢坦诚实现心理减负的两种不同路径 subgraph Suppression ["隐瞒与压抑路径（恶性循环）"] A["产生极度隐私的尴尬困扰/心魔"] --> B["出于男性自尊选择硬扛闭口不谈"] B --> C["情绪以恶劣脾气、怪异行为或不良恶习外溢"] C --> D["伴侣产生误解与猜忌（如怀疑出轨、冷漠）"] D --> E["引发五六个原本不存在的次生危机与关系破裂"] end subgraph Disclosure ["坦诚与沟通路径（正向循环）"] F["识别并正视令自己羞耻的核心弱点"] --> G["迈出一步：对伴侣或专业人士大声坦白"] G --> H["消除信息不对称与不必要的猜疑"] H --> I["卸下心理枷锁，获得释怀与治愈"] end ``` 这种主动卸下伪装的勇气，是打破生活误解的关键解药： - **避免关系中的“误读级联”**：当伴侣察觉到男性的回避或反常举动却得不到合理解释时，往往会脑补出最坏的结论（例如“他是不是出轨了”、“他根本不在乎我”）。原本只需坦承一句难以启齿的小尴尬，却因为沉默而凭空制造出五六个破坏性极强的衍生矛盾，直至爆发严重争吵才被迫揭晓真相，代价极其惨重。 - **从小步实验建立正向反馈**：直面心魔无需一开始就对所有人全盘倾倒，而是先迈出最小的一步进行“真诚实验”。通过一次微小的坦白去验证现实世界的宽容度，逐渐积累正向证据，才能彻底摆脱将秘密烂在肚子里所带来的长期精神内耗。 ### [01:51:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6683s) 顶级故事讲述者的秘诀：全情投入与沉浸式交付 对话切入尾声时，史蒂文向约翰请教了一个几乎每位粉丝都极度渴望了解的核心问题：作为当今顶尖的悬疑惊悚故事创作者，如何才能成为一名卓越的讲故事者（Storyteller）？无论在日常社交、家庭聚餐还是公众演讲中，我们其实时时刻刻都在向身边的人讲述故事。 约翰给出的答案颠覆了许多人对“好故事”的固有偏见。他指出，口头叙事的成败，关键根本不在于故事文字内容本身有多么精雕细琢，亦不在于逐字逐句的死记硬背，而在于你的**交付方式（Delivery）与投入度（Commitment）**： - **百分之百的情感投射**：约翰以刚才在访谈中讲述苏联迪亚特洛夫事件（Dyatlov Pass incident）为例，在开讲的那一刻，他根本不在乎听众当下是否已经产生兴趣，而是让自己完全沉浸在故事的时空里。他会用生动的肢体语言、手势以及充满感染力的语音语调，不遗余力地放大那些真正震撼自己的细节，用自身的狂热去感染并主导现场的气场。 - **掌控舞台，拒绝照本宣科**：在举办全美现场巡回演出（Live Tour）时，这种纯粹的叙事法则展现得尤为明显——在聚光灯下的舞台上，你要么表现得拘谨尴尬、只想赶紧背完流程蒙混过关，要么就彻底“占有故事（own the story）”，与台下的观众融为一体。约翰透露，自己做视频或登台时甚至从不使用现成讲稿（Script），他的秘诀是去彻底理解故事背后的逻辑与灵魂，将其内化为自己身体的一部分，然后全情交付给听众。 ### [01:54:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=6860s) 讲故事的艺术：为何不可在一开场就揭晓谜底 约翰·艾伦（John Allen，即 MrBallen）在谈到叙事技巧时强调，讲好一个故事的关键并不在于词藻多么华丽或是文稿多么精确，而在于讲述者对故事的“沉浸与占有”（inhabit the story）。当他在镜头前讲述时，他所展现出的投入程度会让听众感觉他当时仿佛就在现场。更重要的是，优秀的叙事必须在结尾处留有“回报”（payoff），这是叙事学的基本功，但许多创作者却常在此犯错。 传统新闻的报道结构是“先通报发生了什么，再罗列具体细节”，这种方式适合高效传递信息，却完全扼杀了解谜故事的悬念。约翰指出，很多创作者在起标题时就直接剧透，比如“伦敦的苏珊被谋杀”或“俄罗斯洞穴中惊现黄金骷髅”，这种做法让观众在点进视频前就预知了结局。叙述者的职责是建立张力、让听众持续投入，直到最后一刻才把压轴的反转呈现出来。任何故事都能通过视角转换和细节调度制造出意想不到的高潮。 以著名的“迪亚特洛夫事件”（Dyatlov Pass incident）为例，故事的核心震撼力在于那些客观存在却彼此矛盾的线索——现场照片、离奇的伤痕，以及最终俄罗斯官方给出的结论：“某种未知且非自然的不可抗力导致了死亡”，随后案件被彻底封存。如果一开始就宣布“苏联当年封存了一起神秘案件，下面我们来看看过程”，故事的吸引力就会大打折扣；唯有一步步展示所有诡异而客观的证据，听众才会自然而然地在结尾发出惊叹：“那里究竟发生了什么？” --- ### [01:57:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=7020s) 最引以为傲的作品：加拿大“无头谷”百年谜团 当被问及频道中自己最喜欢的作品时，约翰笑称这就像在自己的孩子中挑出最偏爱的一个一样困难。但他表示，从搜集碎片化信息并拼凑成宏大叙事的难度来看，他最引以为傲的作品是关于“无头谷”（The Headless Valley）的故事。这篇故事也是他图画小说中的开篇之作。 故事发生在加拿大极为偏远的西北地区（Northwest Territories）。那里森林茂密、渺无人烟，面积与德国相当，但人口仅有约五万人。在西北地区深处有一条河流穿过的幽深峡谷，名为纳汉尼谷（Nahanni Valley），后来被称为“无头谷”。在过去一百年间，进入该峡谷的多名探险者和淘金者相继离奇失踪或被斩首，死状极其怪异。进入该地异常艰难，不仅无法乘飞机抵达，徒步也必须穿越长达70英里的危险险境，或者划船逆流而上并徒手将船只抬过数座瀑布。 早年间唯一生活在当地的是纳汉尼部落（Nahanni tribe）。然而在某次探险中，人们震惊地发现沿河扎营的数百名部落成员在一夜之间全体凭空消失，所有的居所和装备原封不动地留在原地，坊间甚至流传着林中存在“白毛生物”的传说。约翰查阅了横跨一个世纪的历史档案，将七八个不同年代的独立逸闻按照时间线精密串联，构建出了一套迄今为止最为详尽、完整的综合叙事。 * **地理极端隔绝**：纳汉尼谷深藏于加拿大西北地区，需跨越70英里险恶地形或逆流搬运船只翻越瀑布方能进入。 * **部落离奇蒸发**：拥有数百人的纳汉尼原住民部落一夜之间人间蒸发，营地生活用具与住房完好无损。 * **无头命案频发**：上百年来多名进入该地的探险者均被割去头颅，死因至今未明。 --- ### [01:59:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=7150s) 播客与新媒体的未来：捍卫不被资本垄断的真实性 节目迎来了传统收尾环节：上一位做客的嘉宾在不知下一位嘉宾身份的情况下留下了一个问题——“你认为新媒体播客领域最值得期待的未来是什么？” 约翰给出的答案是：**保持非企业化与去中心化的真实性（authenticity）**。他深爱当前的播客生态，因为任何人都可以架起麦克风开播，节目的崛起完全建立在内容水准与受众认可的“精英优选制度”（meritocracy）之上，而非源自大财团或大企业的强行推波助澜。虽然资本随后会跟进寻求版权授权或收购，但企业很难完全掌控创作者的表达自由与内容方向。 从诸如乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）的现象级节目到各类探讨小众垂直话题的播客，它们的巨大成功证明了大众对“不加滤镜的真人对话”的渴望。约翰坦言，尽管市场上也存在许多制作精良的企业播客，但他最希望看到的是播客领域不要被全面企业化，继续保留这种纯粹依靠个人魅力、真实探讨和自由选题的野蛮生长力量。 ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 播客生态的优绩制逻辑 accDescr: 展示播客内容如何凭借个人真实表达走向市场，并抗拒资本对创作的过度控制。 subgraph ContentCreation["内容创作"] A["个人创作者入局"] --> B["真实表达与小众选题"] end subgraph MarketFeedback["市场优选"] B --> C["听众自发传播与留存"] C --> D["凭实力脱颖而出 (Meritocracy)"] end subgraph CorporateRole["资本与未来"] D --> E["企业入场授权/合作"] E -.->|理想状态| F["保留创作独立，拒绝过度企业化"] end ``` --- ### [02:00:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=7240s) 商业成就与致谢：从睡前伴音到《纽约时报》畅销书 主持人史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）对约翰表达了由衷的敬佩，特别指出外界往往低估了约翰与商业伙伴尼克·威特斯（Nick Witters）共同创立的 Ballen Studios 的规模与产业影响力。这家媒体公司不仅在视频和播客矩阵上流量惊人，其推出的图像小说《MrBallen Presents: Strange, Dark & Mysterious: The Graphic Stories》更登上了《纽约时报》畅销书榜。 这本包含九个经典神秘故事的图画小说凭借精美绝伦的插画获得了极高评价，约翰表示未来还将继续开发后续系列。史蒂芬分享了自己的私人生活细节：他自己也是悬疑、未解之谜与真实犯罪题材的狂热爱好者，在睡前他和伴侣经常收听 MrBallen 的节目作为助眠伴音，并盛赞约翰是他所见过的最卓越的天才讲故事者。两位创作者在真挚的相互致敬中结束了长谈，约翰也对能受邀分享自己的转型历程表达了诚挚感谢。 ### [02:02:22](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=7342s) 1% 的复利法则与《The 1% Diary》 主持人 Steven Bartlett 总结了节目制作与人生蜕变背后的核心底层逻辑——微小而持续的“1% 改进”。他直言这听起来或许有些不可思议，但《The Diary Of A CEO》整个团队正是凭借在每一个细节上不断雕琢这 1% 的提升，才铸就了如今节目的水准与品质。他强调，只要真正领悟“1% 的复利效应”（the power of compounding 1%），任何人都能够切实扭转自己的人生结局。人生的实质性跃迁从来不是源于大起大落的剧烈突变，也不是靠急功近利地追求“速成”，而是取决于日复一日、坚持不懈的微小行动，正是这些日积月累的习惯才能带来长久而深远的改变。 为了将这种微习惯的复利哲学转化为人人可用的工具，团队在两年前就开启了一项打磨计划，精心设计制作了一本实体日记本——《The 1% Diary》。日记本的内页排版极具美感，不仅收录了大量视觉图片、激发灵感与行动动力的格言，还融入了许多互动式引导练习。它的核心宗旨，就是协助读者敏锐地捕捉、时刻聚焦并持续贯彻那些“终将重塑你人生的 1% 关键行动”。由于该日记本首批仅采取限量发行（limited run），无论是个人自我提升，还是作为礼物赠予朋友、同事或团队成员，观众都可以前往 thediary.com 购买，相关链接也同步附于节目下方。 - **核心人生观**：“人生的改变无关剧烈转型或快速见效（drastic transformations or quick wins），而在于通过微小且持续的行动带来持久的结果蜕变。” - **研发历程与设计**：团队历经整整两年时间打磨完成，内含图文启发素材与互动式行动追踪设计。 - **发售信息**：产品实行限量发售，支持个人定制或团队团购，可通过官方网站 thediary.com 订购。 ## Notable quotes > [11:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=711s) 艾伦，你就是个彻头彻尾的软蛋怂包！坐下！我绝对不想跟你这种人一起服役，你的同班同学也绝不该跟你共事！ — 海豹突击队总教官 > [14:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=898s) 既然我做出了最不该做的事，那我就用行动向所有人证明我的真正力量——每天穿着这件耻辱的比基尼短裤准时到岗，接受所有人的轻视，然后用加倍过硬的表现证明我不是懦夫。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [23:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1385s) 你必须打心底里想待在这里。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [26:27](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1587s) 敢于展示自己的狼狈和失败，恰恰向他人证明了你内心的笃定。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [29:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1791s) 只有当墨守成规的痛苦大于做出改变的痛苦时，改变才会真正发生。 — Steven Bartlett > [32:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1972s) 一个当下的80%解决方案，往往胜过明天才出现的100%完美方案。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [32:52](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=1972s) 问问自己，你究竟在乎什么？向上帝发誓，抛开社会要求你在乎的一切。哪怕你内心深处最渴望的只是出名，或者你唯一的动力就是想赚大钱，只要那是你最本真的追求，就去倾听它、接纳它。这并不虚荣，这就是驱使你的核心动力。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [36:23](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2183s) 不知道讣告上会写‘乔纳森·艾伦（Jonathan Allen）阵亡’还是‘约翰·艾伦（John Allen）阵亡’？ — John Allen (MrBallen) > [44:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2670s) 你绝不能把身为海豹突击队员当作炫耀的资本。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [46:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2780s) 我以前是那样敬重你，而现在我对你只有鄙夷 — 海豹突击队战友 > [49:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=2955s) 你真差劲 — 现役海豹六队挚友 > [59:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=3550s) 看完这个故事，你一定会去 Google 搜索两个词 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [01:06:59](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4019s) 人生中最美好的事物，往往都在恐惧的另一侧。 — Will Smith > [01:21:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=4885s) 我希望舞台上只有我一个人、一束聚光灯和一支麦克风，让那种紧绷感达到极致。因为我觉得如果我不从最纯粹的形式开始，我就始终不算真正兑现自己长久以来的心愿——成为那个手握麦克风、牢牢吸引全场目光的人。 — John Allen (MrBallen) > [01:32:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg&t=5539s) 心理治疗的目的绝不是让你忘记过去，而是赋予你一种此前从未拥有的全新视角。 — John Allen (MrBallen) ## Mentioned John Allen (MrBallen), Steven Bartlett, The Diary Of A CEO, Navy SEALs (海豹突击队), University of Massachusetts (马萨诸塞大学), San Clemente Island (圣克莱门特岛), BUD/S, SQT, Arizona Diamondbacks (亚利桑那响尾蛇队), Jocko Willink, Jordan Selleck, Austin, Elite Meet, Gary Vaynerchuk (GaryVee), SEAL Team 2, SEAL Team Six (海豹六队), TikTok, YouTube, Dyatlov Pass incident (迪亚特洛夫事件), Will Smith, Nick Witters, MrBallen Presents: Strange, Dark & Mysterious: The Graphic Stories, Boston Red Sox (波士顿红袜队), Vinnie Shoran, PerfectTed, Bon Charge, Nahanni Valley (纳汉尼谷 / 无头谷), Joe Rogan, Ballen Studios, The 1% Diary ## Video description From rock bottom to Navy SEAL, and then to storytelling YouTube star from John Allen to MrBallen, he reveals what it takes to reimagine your life's path. 00:00 Intro 02:03 Becoming MrBallen 10:14 The Self-Awareness to Take Responsibility Changed Me 14:58 How You React After Making Mistakes Changes Everything 16:44 What Is the Navy SEALs? 19:21 How Long Is Navy SEAL Training? 23:05 The Difference Between Those Who Made It or Not 27:07 MrBallen’s Mentality Before and After SEAL Training 29:51 Hitting Rock Bottom 32:52 Advice for People Who Feel Stuck 36:23 I Almost Died: Finding Your True Motivation 39:43 Retiring Due to War PTSD 45:34 Dishonored by the Navy SEAL Community 49:15 I Crossed the Line... 01:01:23 What Happened to Those 9 Hikers 01:03:35 Advice for Finding What Motivates You 01:06:59 The Best Things in Life Are on the Other Side of Fear 01:14:24 Dealing With People Hating What I Love Doing 01:18:44 Will You Stop Being MrBallen? 01:21:16 What Would Make You Leave MrBallen Behind? 01:25:38 Finding the Next Thing to Tick Off Your List 01:27:18 Dealing With PTSD and Alcoholism 01:33:52 Coming to Terms With Everything I Did 01:36:42 Your Demons and Therapy 01:38:34 The Only Way to Cope With Your Demons 01:40:53 Ads 01:43:00 Reconciling With My Dad 01:46:55 How to Help Men Experiencing Mental Health Issues 01:51:23 How to Be a Great Storyteller Follow John: Instagram - https://bit.ly/3BjQjbv Twitter - https://bit.ly/3Bd3evX YouTube - https://bit.ly/4irOnhN Ballen Studios Website - https://bit.ly/3ZzRv2A MrBallen Podcast - https://spoti.fi/49xFsY0 You can purchase John’s book, ‘MrBallen Presents: Strange, Dark & Mysterious: The Graphic Stories’, here: https://amzn.to/4g7fq0p 🚀The 1% Diary is live - and it won’t be around for long, so act fast! https://bit.ly/1-Diary-Megaphone-ad-reads Follow me: https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb Sponsors: PerfectTed - https://www.perfectted.com with code DIARY40 for 40% off Boncharge - http://boncharge.com/diary with code DIARY for 25% off [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDyTyppGxSg)

[11:51] 海豹突击队总教官: 艾伦，你就是个彻头彻尾的软蛋怂包！坐下！我绝对不想跟你这种人一起服役，你的同班同学也绝不该跟你共事！ [14:58] John Allen (MrBallen): 既然我做出了最不该做的事，那我就用行动向所有人证明我的真正力量——每天穿着这件耻辱的比基尼短裤准时到岗，接受所有人的轻视，然后用加倍过硬的表现证明我不是懦夫。 [23:05] John Allen (MrBallen): 你必须打心底里想待在这里。 [26:27] John Allen (MrBallen): 敢于展示自己的狼狈和失败，恰恰向他人证明了你内心的笃定。 [29:51] Steven Bartlett: 只有当墨守成规的痛苦大于做出改变的痛苦时，改变才会真正发生。 [32:52] John Allen (MrBallen): 一个当下的80%解决方案，往往胜过明天才出现的100%完美方案。 [32:52] John Allen (MrBallen): 问问自己，你究竟在乎什么？向上帝发誓，抛开社会要求你在乎的一切。哪怕你内心深处最渴望的只是出名，或者你唯一的动力就是想赚大钱，只要那是你最本真的追求，就去倾听它、接纳它。这并不虚荣，这就是驱使你的核心动力。 [36:23] John Allen (MrBallen): 不知道讣告上会写‘乔纳森·艾伦（Jonathan Allen）阵亡’还是‘约翰·艾伦（John Allen）阵亡’？ [44:30] John Allen (MrBallen): 你绝不能把身为海豹突击队员当作炫耀的资本。 [46:20] 海豹突击队战友: 我以前是那样敬重你，而现在我对你只有鄙夷 [49:15] 现役海豹六队挚友: 你真差劲 [59:10] John Allen (MrBallen): 看完这个故事，你一定会去 Google 搜索两个词 [66:59] Will Smith: 人生中最美好的事物，往往都在恐惧的另一侧。 [81:25] John Allen (MrBallen): 我希望舞台上只有我一个人、一束聚光灯和一支麦克风，让那种紧绷感达到极致。因为我觉得如果我不从最纯粹的形式开始，我就始终不算真正兑现自己长久以来的心愿——成为那个手握麦克风、牢牢吸引全场目光的人。 [92:19] John Allen (MrBallen): 心理治疗的目的绝不是让你忘记过去，而是赋予你一种此前从未拥有的全新视角。

[66:59] John Allen: The things that you don't want to do, you'll be indifferent to... the best things in life, so to speak, you will have an element of a fear response to it... fear is the thing keeping them from doing it. It's fear of embarrassment, it's fear of failure... It's the very select number of people in this life that are still able to say, 'I'm going to still do that thing that scares the shit out of me' that have the best and most fulfilling lives. [92:19] John Allen: Therapy is not meant to make you forget stuff—it's to give you perspective that you didn't have. [98:34] John Allen: If you have those thoughts... where even the slightest beginning of a thought starts to creep into your head and your reaction is 'I can't do this right now'—that is a demon in your life. And you are not going to be able to simply convince yourself that it's not.

[0:00] I was in Afghanistan in 2014 as a Navy [0:02] SEAL we're in the middle of this [0:03] gunfight and a grenade came over the [0:05] wall and it [0:07] detonated and I'm waiting to either be [0:09] shot by the enemy or going to bleed to [0:11] death and all that was running through [0:12] my head was and that's the way I think [0:15] people should look at their lives so [0:17] interesting cuz I've never actually [0:18] heard someone give that kind of advice [0:20] before Mr bullan is a former Navy SEAL [0:22] turned Master Storyteller and content [0:24] creator who uses his Battlefield [0:26] experiences and personal failures to [0:27] inspire educate and help people overcome [0:30] challenges to achieve their goals my [0:31] family were very successful people with [0:34] pullit Sur prises PhD and then there's [0:36] me getting into street fights and about [0:38] to get expelled but it took becoming a [0:40] colossal failure to realize if you want [0:42] to fix this you have start with saying [0:43] it's my fault and then do something [0:45] about it but then fear becomes the thing [0:47] keeping people from doing it and it's [0:48] the very select number of people in this [0:50] life say I'm going to still do that [0:52] thing that scares the out of me that [0:53] have the best and most fulfilling life [0:55] and so I decided to become a Navy SE [0:57] because it's was only a really small [0:58] percent that make it through the ruing [1:00] mentally torturing training and what's [1:01] the similarities that you noticed [1:03] between the people that made it two [1:04] words it's but then I realized the [1:06] reality of the job you kill people and I [1:09] had really leaned into being as like [1:11] Alpha as I possibly could be but there [1:13] were just some things that I did and I [1:15] just I struggled so so bad I had to face [1:19] My Demons what have you learned about [1:22] dealing with demons if you begin to have [1:24] those thoughts the only way I have found [1:26] to sort of cope with them is [1:33] this has always blown my mind a little [1:34] bit 53% of you that listen to the show [1:37] regularly haven't yet subscribed to the [1:39] show so could I ask you for a favor [1:41] before we start if you like the show and [1:42] you like what we do here and you want to [1:43] support us the free simple way that you [1:45] can do just that is by hitting the [1:47] Subscribe button and my commitment to [1:48] you is if you do that then I'll do [1:50] everything in my power me and my team to [1:52] make sure that this show is better for [1:53] you every single week we'll listen to [1:55] your feedback we'll find the guest that [1:57] you want me to speak to and we'll [1:59] continue to do what we do thank you so [2:03] much John yes there are clues in your [2:07] early context that suggest you might [2:10] have walked the path that you've walked [2:12] in your life but there's also clues that [2:13] suggest you absolutely would never have [2:14] done what you've done yeah so taking me [2:17] back to that early context yeah what do [2:19] I need to know about that environment [2:21] the influences of that environment to [2:23] understand how you ended up where you [2:24] are today I I think it all starts with [2:27] you know the family I was born into [2:29] where like very successful academic [2:31] people so I was born in a in a town [2:34] called Quincy Massachusetts it's just [2:36] south of Boston Mass and you know my my [2:39] mother father and two sisters are like [2:41] Brilliant Minds in like the academic [2:43] sense of the word just like brilliant uh [2:45] you know my sister one of my sisters uh [2:47] has gone on to win two pullit Sur prises [2:50] my dad's won a pullitzer prize my this [2:53] not even flex but to give you a sense of [2:54] the people in my life my other sister [2:56] like has a PHD and she like worked out [2:58] of a Harvard lab my my mom is a [3:00] professional writer and then there's me [3:03] when I was growing up I uh I I could [3:06] have done well in school you know but I [3:09] didn't want to it was sort of like my my [3:11] form of rebellion was being a bad [3:13] student willfully and I would like go [3:14] out and party with my friends and just [3:16] was like trying to be sort of like a bad [3:19] kid in a way and also like the town I [3:21] grew up in was sort of a it was not a [3:23] place where academics really thrived [3:26] it's like a really working class like [3:28] hard and tough place I mean quin's [3:30] becoming much much nicer but it was a [3:32] little bit of a tough place and I sort [3:34] of wanted to be like an edgy like tough [3:37] guy and so I'd like get into street [3:39] fights and get my ass kicked and like [3:40] I'd like stay out drinking with my [3:42] friends but what it did is it set me up [3:44] for like colossal failure uh by the time [3:47] I got to college I got into college [3:49] because my mom the professional writer [3:51] wrote my college essay and my grades [3:53] were horrible in high school in fact so [3:55] bad that when I sent off my application [3:58] the the school got in touch with me and [4:00] they were like hey your grades are not [4:01] really what we're looking for but boy [4:03] that essay was so beautiful we're going [4:05] to give you a chance and so I get into [4:06] college I go to the University of [4:08] Massachusetts out in western Mass it's [4:10] like where a lot of kids where I was [4:11] growing up that's where I went to school [4:13] but it's a big party school and I just [4:15] immediately bombed first semester like I [4:18] I got a 1.016 GPA which it should have [4:20] been like a zero I basically didn't go [4:22] to class I uh I was involved in this [4:25] this Riot so at some point the uh our [4:28] football team which was a team that no [4:29] one cared about even the people who went [4:31] to the school we didn't care about it no [4:32] offense to the Minute Men they're very [4:34] good now but at the time in 2006 they [4:35] weren't they made it to like this [4:38] conference game or something this is [4:40] like not big time D1 this is like D1 daa [4:42] so like very high level football but not [4:44] going to be on TV or anything and the [4:47] the college the student body again they [4:49] don't really care about the football [4:50] team but for some reason when they lost [4:53] this game it just like instilled this [4:56] need to Riot on campus and it was like [5:00] concentrated in this one area of Campus [5:02] where I happened to live and I like went [5:04] out there and I was like breaking [5:05] windows and being this horrible kid and [5:08] the security cameras everywhere [5:09] recording you and it got to the point [5:11] where at the end of the semester there [5:12] was like this Witch Hunt to to find the [5:14] people that have been involved in this [5:16] Riot and there was like the the website [5:18] had post the college Police website had [5:21] posted all these images of just faces of [5:23] people in the crowd that were a part of [5:24] it and anybody could anonymously name [5:27] people if they saw them and it was like [5:29] everybody got expelled and I found [5:31] pictures of me and I just got my grades [5:33] back 1.016 and at the same time I've [5:36] been telling my brilliant parents yeah [5:39] I'm doing great in school things are [5:40] going really well getting good grades [5:43] and I had to tell them like actually [5:44] it's the opposite and I'm probably going [5:46] to get expelled if I don't withdraw so [5:48] my dad comes out to the school and he [5:50] like sits down with the dean who also [5:52] says John has all these violations of [5:54] living in the dorm like noise complaints [5:55] and being a jerk that we're going to [5:56] kick him out of the dorms even if he [5:58] stays at the school he has to live live [5:59] off campus and my my mom and dad are [6:02] like you're coming home uh we're done [6:04] with this like you're an adult and you [6:06] can either like live at home and go to [6:09] school or get a job but like you're [6:10] going to be an adult and so I come home [6:13] what age I was 18 18 so I come home and [6:18] I uh I was living in my mom's basement [6:20] in quiny and I remember the first couple [6:23] of weeks I was home I I actually felt [6:26] mad at my parents like how dare they [6:29] make me withdraw from the school even [6:30] though there's all this information that [6:32] like it's completely my fault but I I [6:35] had like an epiphany when I was [6:37] literally in my mom's basement when I [6:39] sort of realized like oh this is my [6:42] fault like I have created like a habit [6:45] pattern and a way of thinking that's put [6:47] me in my mom's basement with no [6:49] Direction like I've been gifted all [6:51] these opportunities that I've squandered [6:54] and something sort of changed in my head [6:56] where it was like I don't want to be a [6:58] screw-up I don't want to be that I'm [7:00] looking at my my family members as being [7:02] so successful and I just was like I [7:03] can't be that I'm suddenly becoming [7:06] self-aware that that's the path I'm on [7:07] I'm going to be the guy that like [7:09] floundered everything and and didn't [7:10] amount to anything and so I just made it [7:12] simple I was like I'm just going to like [7:14] go to a local school get good grades and [7:16] like graduate from college that's going [7:17] to be my focus for now and I did that I [7:20] went to a local school I got my grades [7:21] up I actually transferred back to the [7:23] school that I withdrew from to finish [7:25] out my my couple of years in [7:27] college but the it was like a drug like [7:31] having a goal that I was working towards [7:33] like doing something that was worth my [7:34] time and like studying I I I was like [7:36] struggling with school but I I I worked [7:38] so hard I was in the library all the [7:40] time like feeling like getting to feel [7:43] what it feels like to be working towards [7:44] a goal and achieving it was like really [7:46] addictive for me and so by the time I [7:49] was like in my last year in college I [7:51] actually ironically had no clue what I [7:53] would do Post College it was sort of [7:54] like well the goal was just to graduate [7:56] college I don't really have a clue [7:58] what's next and and I I I thought about [8:00] briefly becoming a lawyer or something I [8:02] because I was studying philosophy in [8:04] English because I like those two [8:05] subjects and they sort of fit the mold [8:08] but I had always sort of had this draw [8:10] this calling to to serve in the military [8:13] because my uh just some some friends of [8:15] mine in high school went off to serve uh [8:17] in in the military in 2006 like they [8:20] went to Iraq and [8:21] Afghanistan but I but I wanted to do [8:23] something really hard in the military [8:24] because I needed like a big goal you [8:26] know and it like graduating college was [8:28] this goal that I had achieved [8:30] and I was like I want to do something [8:31] hard in the military and that's when I [8:33] got turned on to the SEAL Teams and the [8:36] cool thing about the Navy SEAL Teams is [8:38] virtually anybody can apply to be a seal [8:41] uh you know you have to like have the [8:43] right physical fitness you have to be a [8:44] citizen there's a few things but [8:45] basically anybody can try out but it's [8:48] only those who s who survive the [8:50] training that become seals and it's a [8:52] really small percentage of people and it [8:54] just really was the thing that was like [8:56] wait a minute if I do that if I go [8:58] through like this this baptism of going [9:00] through this rigorous training I'll [9:03] become a guy that will no longer be [9:04] viewed as like the the screw-up in high [9:06] school who sort of got it together with [9:07] college I'll be able to reinvent myself [9:10] I'll be able to to serve in the military [9:12] which is something I I felt the calling [9:13] to do it's a career that I can kind of [9:15] progress into and it's a big freaking [9:17] challenge that's going to require a [9:19] whole bunch of training and prep before [9:20] I get to go and so I kind of just [9:22] shifted my goal from graduate college to [9:25] become a Navy SEAL and everything fell [9:27] in line and then naturally after that I [9:30] became a YouTuber which is an even [9:31] longer story but basically I yeah became [9:33] a seal and then I got hurt medically [9:35] retired and then I basically posted [9:37] something online that went viral and I [9:39] love telling stories as you can see from [9:40] this long intro uh and I just kept [9:42] telling stories and now I'm here so but [9:43] it started with like setting a goal and [9:46] achieving it and it's which sounds so [9:48] basic but I think a lot of people go [9:51] through life just sort of doing stuff [9:54] because because they were told to or [9:55] they just sort of fell into it I found [9:58] like setting a goal that's consciously [10:00] something you care about for whatever [10:01] reason and working hard to achieve it it [10:04] like organizes your whole life and so my [10:06] life starting with coming home from from [10:09] college and being in the basement has [10:10] been a series of set a goal and shoot [10:12] for that goal and that's all that [10:13] matters it's interesting because even [10:15] before that there was something that [10:17] seemed to happen to you in that basement [10:19] which I consider to be the starting [10:20] place which is awareness yeah this like [10:23] self-awareness and with that [10:25] self-awareness came responsibility you [10:27] said actually I need to stop blaming my [10:29] Mom and Dad yeah there I have a role to [10:32] play in this yeah and that's really [10:33] really hard for I think for everybody to [10:36] be truly aware of how you might be [10:38] contributing to the circumstances of [10:40] your own life it's a harsh truth when [10:42] you realize it's your fault or or a big [10:44] part of it is your fault but that's what [10:45] self-awareness is like taking [10:47] responsibility for the good and the bad [10:49] and what's your relationship been like [10:51] with responsibility and like what's your [10:52] view on the importance of that broadly I [10:55] would say that when I was you know pre- [10:58] basement moment [10:59] I was definitely in the mindset of [11:01] playing the victim and if something bad [11:03] happened it was somebody else's fault [11:05] and not taking responsibility for [11:07] anything I was I was the guy that would [11:09] come home from school and I'd tell my [11:11] mom like you wouldn't believe it we had [11:13] a test today and Joey got a 50 I got a [11:16] 65 but Joey got a 50 it's like you're [11:19] sort of like that's the way you approach [11:20] it versus like I failed the test um but [11:24] when I sort of decided I would graduate [11:26] college and organize my life around that [11:27] and then become a seal I realized that [11:30] it's not enough to simply just say I'm [11:32] going to do this thing like you need to [11:34] own like the entire process and like for [11:37] example in uh in Seal training there [11:39] were a couple moments where like I [11:41] myself failed miserably catastrophically [11:44] at like tests and opportunities to to be [11:46] a leader and I just like squandered it [11:49] in in in a way so the way SEAL training [11:51] works is it's very reputational like as [11:53] you go along uh in training you know [11:56] it's like the closer you get to [11:58] graduation the the closer you get to [12:00] being a real seal and so your [12:02] instructors those are active duty seals [12:04] and they're no longer viewing you [12:06] towards the end of training as being [12:08] just some like oh candidate now it's [12:10] like you could be my teammate there's [12:11] not too many of us and so it changes [12:13] from you aren't going to make it to you [12:15] better do a good job because I might [12:17] need your help you know down the line [12:20] and I remember in the final part of [12:21] training there's this confidence [12:23] exercise where they basically expose [12:25] your class to uh tiar guests which is [12:28] something that's pretty standard in the [12:29] military uh and the only thing they say [12:32] is like this is a like it's all about [12:34] mentality here it's a confidence booster [12:37] it's going to suck it's going to make [12:39] you want to feel like you're you're [12:40] you're dying from this gas and it's like [12:42] a long exposure and they they they set [12:44] you up in this like Square you're all [12:46] just standing you're kneeling [12:48] shoulder-to-shoulder if you will out in [12:49] this open field on San Clemente Island [12:51] in in in in California and all the [12:54] instructors have their gas mess on and [12:55] they have these pool sticks like that [12:56] you would swap like trash out of a pool [12:59] but at the end they have the Cs grenade [13:01] canisters and they're like all right [13:03] they put their mask on they they fire [13:04] off these CS grenades this big white [13:06] smoke comes out and they hand they hold [13:08] out the pole and you just you get [13:10] covered in CS gas and the whole all you [13:12] have to do is not run just stay here and [13:16] take it that's the whole point and Ian [13:20] it was like a figh ORF flight Instinct [13:22] completely it was like before I and it [13:23] was instant it wasn't like uh oh this is [13:26] really bad what am I going to do what am [13:28] I going to do it was like [13:29] instantaneously I ran I had to get [13:31] tackled by one of the instructors [13:34] because I was just out I wasn't even [13:35] thinking it was like and nobody else ran [13:38] this is the end of training and so [13:41] afterwards it's like I was brought into [13:43] the the amphitheater there's this little [13:44] theater where they would teach us [13:46] classes about ordinance and whatever and [13:48] they were like Allan stand up and all my [13:51] peers know I did this all the [13:53] instructors know I did this and he just [13:54] goes the main instructor he's like Allan [13:56] you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] sit down [13:59] he goes you're a [ __ ] [ __ ] and I [14:01] never want to serve with you and neither [14:03] and neither should your classmates sit [14:05] down and it was it and I had to from [14:08] that point on for the rest of training [14:10] wear uh these like it's almost like a [14:12] bikini over my shorts and it was like [14:16] the worst moment ever because i' I've [14:18] made it so far into training but I knew [14:21] and also by the way at this point we [14:22] weren't even home I wasn't able to go [14:24] home see my wife we're out at this [14:25] island for a month you don't you work [14:27] seven days a week you're you are in [14:29] training until you're done and the only [14:32] choice was like own the fact that you [14:35] did that don't make excuses for it like [14:37] let this show people my actual strength [14:39] which seems funny because I did the [14:41] thing I'm not supposed to do but instead [14:43] of like running from it literally own it [14:48] take responsibility for what you did and [14:49] show people that you know what I'm [14:51] prepared to show up for work every day [14:52] wearing these [ __ ] Trunks and and be [14:55] looked at as a lesser than to [14:57] demonstrate that I'm not there's some [14:59] something really important in that [15:00] that's really um really also critical to [15:03] business but just really critical to [15:04] anyone that's professional or in a [15:05] relationship which is if you make a [15:08] mistake you get the second opportunity [15:10] which is how you respond to the mistake [15:11] you made and in fact so many times in [15:13] business you know when I was running a [15:15] marketing business we'd have clients and [15:17] we might drop the ball in some way but [15:19] we can actually make the relationship [15:21] stronger than it was before the mistake [15:23] by how we responded so making a quick [15:25] phone call apologizing taking [15:27] responsibility yeah I mean I think that [15:29] there definitely were some people that [15:31] did carry that sort of like stigma into [15:33] the teams because right after we [15:34] finished this we kind of went into the [15:35] SEAL Teams but I I do think that there [15:38] was definitely some people that and I'm [15:40] not even tooting my own horn I really [15:41] think this happened that as a result of [15:43] that moment knew they could like trust [15:45] that I was prepared to sort of like I'm [15:47] going to take responsibility for me I'm [15:48] going to do what I'm supposed to do I'm [15:49] going to be the best teammate I can be [15:51] even at my lowest you're still going to [15:53] get the best version of me and that [15:56] doesn't mean I think I'm better than [15:57] anybody else it just means I'm an adult [15:59] and I think that's that's a big part of [16:00] being an adult is responsibility is [16:03] ultimately owning those mistakes and [16:04] sometimes your mistakes are painful and [16:06] public and awful and that's the most [16:09] important time to own them and like you [16:10] said like that's your opportunity in [16:12] some ways not just to rectify the [16:13] mistake but to become a stronger better [16:15] version of yourself and I think that my [16:17] mistake in college was a series of [16:19] mistakes my first semester of screwing [16:21] it up and getting sent back home but it [16:23] was only when I recognized that it was [16:25] my fault and I had to own that that I [16:27] was able to graduate college and try to [16:30] become a Navy SEAL and then in the [16:32] process like have the the Cs grenade [16:34] happen but in some ways that made me a [16:35] better seal you know so I think that [16:37] like in Failure comes the best [16:39] opportunity for Success which is [16:41] something that I certainly didn't coin [16:42] but it's the truth what is the Navy [16:45] Seals because you know around the world [16:47] I think people are aware of the term [16:49] Navy Seals but we don't actually know [16:50] fully what it is yeah so um every branch [16:54] of I think basically every military in [16:56] the world this is a a broad [16:57] generalization but it's it's it's [17:00] usually the case that virtually every [17:02] branch of every military has some form [17:05] of specialized unit that carries out [17:07] Special Operations it's the stuff that [17:09] you know the Call of Duty video games [17:11] and Modern Warfare those are based on [17:13] like the idea of specialized combat [17:15] units that that go out and do these kind [17:19] of difficult and high stakes missions [17:21] and so in in the US you have the Army [17:23] the Navy the Marine Corps the Coast [17:25] Guard and the Air Force and each of them [17:27] have like their like respective Special [17:29] Operations divisions like you have uh [17:31] marine Special Operations and Marines [17:33] you have the PJs the par rescue jumpers [17:35] and the Air Force there there's multiple [17:37] but of all the Special Operations units [17:40] in America of all the different branches [17:42] you could make the case that the most [17:45] and I'm get some Flack from people that [17:46] disagree with me the most let's say [17:49] well-known and potentially [17:51] most skilled and I say that carefully [17:53] because of course there are other there [17:55] are other groups like The Green braids [17:56] who are incredible at certain things but [17:58] the the most skilled at multiple [18:00] disciplines is very likely the Navy SEAL [18:02] Teams and it's because the the acronym [18:04] seal stands for Sea Air land so SE and a [18:08] the idea is even though it's under the [18:11] Navy which is sort of like Maritime and [18:13] and water the reality is that the SEAL [18:15] Teams are a special operations group [18:17] that can insert into virtually any any [18:20] environment sea air or land they can [18:22] also use multiple insertion platforms [18:24] whether it's diving jumping going in on [18:26] land it's like a highly vers [18:29] Special Operations group whereas a lot [18:32] of the other Special Operations groups [18:33] not just in the United States but [18:35] internationally are kind of specialized [18:37] in certain geographies like you have [18:40] Mountain Warfare Specialists you have [18:42] like the Dutch have this incredible uh [18:44] diving unit uh but the seals are like we [18:47] do everything and they also sort of came [18:50] into prominence they they started in the [18:51] 60s under JFK they really came into [18:54] prominence post 911 because they were [18:57] being sent out into the Middle East [18:58] which is you know it's a landlock place [19:00] but this Navy Special Operations unit [19:03] was being very successful carrying out [19:05] you know kinetic operations all across [19:06] the Middle East so it's like a a very [19:09] famous uh Jack of all trade Special [19:11] Operations group that especially after [19:13] the bin Laden raid as well that sort of [19:15] made them celebrities but even before [19:17] that they were very well known as like [19:18] the Jack of all trade Special Operations [19:20] group and how long is training how long [19:22] does it take to to get through training [19:24] and pass the other end broadly speaking [19:26] I would say it takes about two years uh [19:28] but realistically it takes a little bit [19:30] longer so you have um there's two ways [19:33] to become a seal you either go in as an [19:35] enlisted person so there's the enlisted [19:38] component of the military which is [19:39] somebody basically without a college [19:41] degree who just like raises their hand [19:42] and just serves like that's like the [19:44] grunts of the world those are the [19:45] enlisted Community uh and then you have [19:47] the officer side just somebody who at a [19:49] minimum needs to have like a college [19:51] degree to apply you go to like Officer [19:52] school and in the SEAL Teams there's [19:55] like a tiny tiny number of Officer seals [19:57] and a massive number of enlisted seals [20:00] but there are two very different [20:01] Pathways into training if you go the [20:03] officer route it's practically like a [20:05] political appointment just to get an [20:06] opportunity like it's so so difficult to [20:09] even get a chance to try out that what [20:11] you get and it's because there's just [20:13] like a handful of spots available that's [20:15] that's really all it was so you have all [20:16] these people on the enlisted side who [20:18] actually have college degrees and could [20:20] easily like become an officer in the [20:22] military who let's say have other [20:24] opportunities that they could pursue [20:25] with their college degree but they want [20:27] to be a seal you have this big number of [20:30] people that are electing to go be [20:32] enlisted to try out to be seals and [20:33] that's important because it makes the [20:35] enlisted side super competitive you have [20:37] like these professional athletes and you [20:40] have like Olympians and you have like [20:41] the best college athletes and you have [20:43] MMA fighters and wrestlers and then like [20:45] the random people like me who have no [20:47] resume and you all just show up for the [20:50] class in San Diego that technically is [20:52] six months long but there's like before [20:54] you've even jooin the Navy you need to [20:56] basically compete for a spot to even [20:58] have a chance to to try out and there's [20:59] a whole application process before [21:00] you've joined the Navy that can take [21:02] years and then let's say you get your [21:03] chance as an enlisted person they're [21:05] like okay you're going to get a chance [21:06] to go well first you got to go to boot [21:07] camp that's two months in Chicago and [21:10] technically you can fail out of it but [21:11] really you won't it's sort of like a [21:13] suck it up and get through it but then [21:15] at the end of boot camp at least when I [21:16] went through you go to this other school [21:18] which is like a prep school it's another [21:20] two months in Chicago mind you you [21:22] haven't even started training yet this [21:24] is like potentially a year of pre- Navy [21:26] and now you're 4 months in to like [21:27] you're in the Navy but you're not really [21:29] in Seal training yet you go to this prep [21:31] school where you like learn how to swim [21:32] and run you you already know how to do [21:34] these things but professional coaches [21:35] work with you the Navy invests a lot of [21:37] money and getting you really [21:38] strengthened up and mentally [21:40] strengthened because following the prep [21:42] school you go to San Diego where you go [21:44] through what's regarded as like the [21:46] hardest part of SEAL training which is [21:47] uh it's called buds Buds and it stands [21:50] for basic underwater demolition seal [21:52] school and it's basically imagine [21:54] whatever you think of as boot camp like [21:56] military boot camp make it not two [21:58] months long but 6 months long because [22:00] most boot camps are about two and make [22:02] it like a thousand times more difficult [22:04] it's really the same Concepts it's like [22:06] intense grueling physical emotional and [22:09] mental like torture for six months and [22:13] that's the part where everybody fails [22:14] out and drops out that's like the if you [22:16] made a movie about SEAL training you'd [22:18] really only focus on the six months of [22:19] buds training and in fact you'd only [22:20] focus on the first two months because [22:22] that's the most physically challenging [22:24] and then once you finish that you go to [22:26] Advanced Training you're still not a [22:28] seal yet it's another six months of like [22:29] learning how to actually do the job so [22:31] buds is like can you handle it Advanced [22:34] Training or seal qualification training [22:36] is I'm going to teach you how to shoot a [22:37] gun with surgical Precision I'm going to [22:39] teach you how to jump out of a plane I'm [22:40] going to teach you how to like use this [22:42] technology because you need to know how [22:43] to do the job so learn the job and then [22:46] after that you'll go to like or we did [22:48] anyways I don't know if they do this now [22:49] you go to like a language school for a [22:51] month or you'll go to like a medical [22:53] school or some sort of school to give [22:54] you additional qualifications and then [22:56] you go to your team and so all told you [22:59] have about two years from I want to be a [23:01] Navy SEAL to I am now a Navy Seal two [23:04] years is usually the mark and what's the [23:05] similarities that you noticed between [23:07] the people that made it and didn't the [23:08] thing that stands out honestly and this [23:10] is what is pretty universally true [23:12] although there's some outliers is the [23:14] folks who show up to buds the candidates [23:17] who show up to buds that have like an [23:19] incredible resume there was a guy that [23:22] showed up to training who literally [23:23] played for the Arizona Diamondbacks he's [23:25] like 6'5 looks just like a god and he's [23:29] so humble like he's this big strong [23:32] professional baseball player who I I [23:34] actually have a memory specifically of [23:36] playing with his character in a video [23:38] game and like there's there's other [23:39] people who who are like professional [23:41] football players and all that and he [23:43] washed out so quick and a lot of the [23:45] other guys with with big resumés like [23:47] the sports and and big accomplishments [23:50] they typically wash out really really [23:52] quickly and it's not because they lack [23:54] the physical to do it they don't they [23:56] definitely don't it's that if you this [23:58] is generalizing because this is not true [24:00] of everybody but let's take the guy who [24:02] played for the Diamondbacks so this [24:05] person is used to being generally [24:08] speaking the very best person at what [24:10] they do their whole lives and it's not [24:12] because there's anything wrong with them [24:13] it's just sort of a truth that's how you [24:15] became a professional baseball player [24:17] that's how it works in buds your [24:20] instructors don't [ __ ] care about who [24:23] you were and it's like a point they make [24:25] they don't care at all about what you've [24:27] done before in fact if they even suspect [24:31] that you think you're special because [24:33] you have some bullet point on your [24:34] resume like playing for the Diamondbacks [24:37] they will torture you and and see if you [24:39] really got it they will single you out [24:42] and specifically make you feel terrible [24:44] and and tell your class to like look at [24:46] this guy he can't even do push-ups you [24:48] play for the Diamondbacks you can't even [24:50] do push-ups even though the guy's doing [24:51] push-ups just fine but he's like look [24:53] that doesn't even count that doesn't [24:54] count do another one get in the water do [24:55] this do that it's it's it's a mind game [24:57] but the guy's like me who I went to Buds [25:00] and I'm like I literally am a joke [25:02] compared to the people that are here I [25:03] wasn't in great shape relative to my [25:05] peers I'm certainly not a professional [25:07] athlete the only thing on my resume is [25:09] well I nearly flunked out of college but [25:11] then managed to graduate college that is [25:13] the extent of my resume I played a [25:14] little baseball in high school and so [25:16] for me I have very little to lose like [25:18] either I'll make it and that'll be [25:20] amazing and I'll get to do the thing I [25:21] want to do or I won't and people will [25:23] say that's about right the folks that go [25:26] in that have the resumes on on some [25:28] level they expect to be really good even [25:31] if they're humble and everybody in their [25:33] personal lives also expects them to make [25:35] it through because who wouldn't he [25:37] played for the Diamondbacks expectation [25:39] B it's brutal and and the course is too [25:42] long to Simply gut your way through it [25:44] the the level of physical discomfort [25:47] that you experience in buds is so [25:49] unbelievably high that it's not you got [25:52] to want to be here that's the way they [25:53] say it you got to want to be here if you [25:55] want to make it through it's you need to [25:57] have something to hold on to in your [25:58] brain that overrides the discomfort and [26:01] it can't be oh I need to make everybody [26:03] else happy I need to live up to [26:05] expectations maybe that's strong enough [26:06] for you for most people it's not like [26:08] when you are at like your absolute [26:11] lowest like what do you hold on to and [26:13] it's for people like me it was like I [26:15] have to prove myself to the like to [26:17] myself I want to prove to myself that I [26:19] can do this hard thing like it was not [26:21] even about serving in the military it [26:23] was accomplishing this goal because I've [26:25] set my mind to it and I want to I want [26:27] to believe that I'm the guy that can set [26:29] goals that are hard and Achieve them and [26:31] so in in my worst moments I would go to [26:33] that place where I'm like this is worth [26:35] it to me but for other guys it's not and [26:38] so so at the end when you graduate you [26:40] look around and it's like a rag tag [26:42] group of like short sort of weird [26:45] looking guys that don't in any way [26:47] embody like what you would think of as [26:49] like I mean some guys do some guys are [26:51] unbelievable studs but it's like a rag [26:53] tag group of guys that just didn't quit [26:56] and a lot of it is because they had some [26:58] sort of of chip on their shoulder that [26:59] internally drove them and it allowed [27:02] them to persevere when things got so bad [27:05] cuz things get so bad in buds if I were [27:08] to meet the guy in his mother's basement [27:10] and then meet the guy who qualified from [27:13] the Seals training yeah in terms of [27:16] their mentality like their psychology [27:18] how would they be different what is it [27:20] that what evidence does the guy that [27:22] graduated from Seal training have that [27:24] the other guy doesn't have what is that [27:25] what's the difference I mean not just to [27:28] like shamelessly cycle back to this idea [27:30] of responsibility but I'm going to do [27:31] that before when I first got to the [27:35] basement I've just arrived I was really [27:39] not even able to see what a mess I had [27:41] made of my life it wasn't like I knew I [27:43] had screwed up and was blaming other [27:45] people it was more like my default [27:48] setting was this is somebody else's [27:50] fault somebody did this to me like I [27:52] actively remember being furious with my [27:54] mom and dad for making me withdraw from [27:57] college when I literally was about to [27:59] get expelled I had a terrible GPA I [28:01] couldn't afford to live in the in the [28:03] dorms I had I had shown no there was no [28:06] evidence to suggest I would succeed in [28:07] college it wasn't until I was like home [28:10] in the basement in the sort of like [28:12] living in my mom's basement with no [28:14] direction that I I just sort of [28:15] naturally happened I was like wait a [28:17] minute it's you it's not them it's you [28:20] and it seems so obvious now but it took [28:24] falling to the bottom and also by the [28:26] way kudos to my mom cuz she single mom [28:29] she didn't give an f she was not like [28:31] don't worry you'll figure it out she was [28:33] like no you're going to get a job or [28:35] you're going to move out or whatever and [28:37] you're also going to pay rent while [28:38] you're here and uh that's it like this [28:40] is your fault and at first I'm mad but [28:42] it it's sort of like it became this [28:44] arduous thing I had to overcome so it [28:47] was like no self-awareness none and [28:50] genuinely blaming the world for my [28:52] problems to like probably if anything an [28:55] extreme on the other side where like if [28:57] you have already noticed I'm like [28:59] talking about the Cs gas thing that I [29:01] mentioned to you earlier mhm that's [29:03] something that if that happened to other [29:04] people I don't know if they' talk about [29:06] it on such a public platform especially [29:08] just in our in the seal Community like [29:10] reputation is such a big thing that even [29:13] talking about things that other people [29:14] know about but that cast you in sort of [29:16] a bad light reputationally I think [29:19] people would stay away from saying that [29:20] you know like but for me I view it as a [29:22] strength to highlight not only the [29:25] things that I'm good at but the things [29:26] that I've made a mess of and screwed up [29:28] up because it shows other people that [29:29] I'm secure so it's like Ultra self-aware [29:33] and secure in my image the opposite as [29:36] the basement kid and it took basically [29:38] falling to the bottom being home no no [29:41] new opportunities in front of me other [29:42] people are off at College succeeding and [29:44] here I am in my mom's basement for it to [29:46] sink in that like if you want to fix [29:48] this you have to start with saying it's [29:49] my fault and then do something about it [29:51] and it worked this idea of Rock Bottom [29:53] it's so interesting and it sounds um [29:56] sounds pretty tragic that sometimes [29:57] people do need to go to the bottom on [29:59] their own yeah to realize that as the [30:02] quote says the pain of staying the same [30:04] is greater than the pain of making a [30:05] change never heard that that's like 18 [30:08] years old and I was in just dropped out [30:09] of University and I saw someone on [30:10] YouTube say the pain of um change [30:13] happens when the pain of staying the [30:14] same becomes greater than the pain of [30:16] making a change and this kind of speaks [30:17] to why some people sometimes when you [30:20] listen to their stories it wasn't until [30:21] they hit the basement that they were [30:23] able to look themselves in the mirror [30:25] and then take actions in the right [30:26] direction but also sometimes when you [30:27] try and help someone and you prop them [30:29] up like if your mother had gone listen [30:31] uh here's some money and you know here's [30:33] some uh you don't have to pay rent right [30:35] she' be propping you up a little bit and [30:37] keep away yeah I'm I'm trying to think [30:39] about the kid that's listening to this [30:41] right now that can relate yeah well the [30:43] person in their life they they might be [30:44] in a job or whatever that can relate to [30:46] knowing that there's something quite not [30:48] quite right in their life maybe they [30:50] maybe they're at a point where they can [30:51] start to look themselves in the room and [30:52] take [30:53] responsibility but do they do they have [30:56] to go to Rock Bottom to start to change [30:58] their life well I think that part of the [31:01] reason or I should say this is more of a [31:03] general statement that kind of answers [31:05] this um I in in a way was fortunate [31:09] because when I hit rock bottom I I am a [31:13] person that does not have what is it [31:15] called paralysis by analysis I'm sort of [31:18] an impulsive person for better or worse [31:20] and so for me it's like once I hit that [31:23] rock bottom it wasn't hard for me to [31:25] sort of quickly find a good North Star [31:29] which the first one was College I'm I'm [31:31] goingon to do college right M and then [31:33] when I was nearing the end of college by [31:36] this point I've sort of rided the ship [31:37] at this point but I wanted a new goal it [31:39] was like oh SEAL training that checks [31:41] some boxes it's like I want to serve [31:43] check like it's a super hard goal check [31:45] I'll have to work for it like it it [31:47] offers me a chance at reinvention and [31:49] rebirth check okay good like I jumped to [31:51] that that's what I do I think there are [31:53] plenty of people and I'm this is my [31:56] guess I don't know if it's true who [31:58] maybe have already hit rock bottom and [32:00] they want to make a change they know [32:01] it's their fault or whatever situation [32:03] that they they know they've contributed [32:05] to it but they don't know what to do [32:08] next and there's so many choices think [32:10] about it if you're at Rock Bottom in [32:11] some ways you have every choice in the [32:12] world to make and I think that one of [32:14] the things that I certainly preach when [32:16] I talk about this at all which I guess [32:18] in situations like this is you don't [32:21] need like a perfect idea you just need [32:23] something that checks enough boxes for [32:25] you to be worth doing so for me it was [32:28] like okay I'm in my mom's basement I've [32:30] done this to myself I am the reason I'm [32:32] not at school I'm the reason that like [32:34] my parents are embarrassed about their [32:35] son it's my fault what do I need to do [32:38] okay well I should I should graduate [32:40] school because that that demonstrates [32:42] that what happened at UMass is is [32:44] fixable I I can graduate school I can do [32:46] it I'm not dumb I can do that okay fine [32:48] got to go to school that was it it's [32:50] like it checks a box so do it I think it [32:53] was Jo will that said to [32:55] me his friend had called him and was [32:57] going through a difficult time in his [32:58] life divorce lost his wife lost his job [33:01] Etc and joer said something words to the [33:03] effective when you're lost in like a [33:06] military context whatever you need to [33:08] start moving yes it doesn't necessarily [33:09] matter which direction you move in but [33:11] you need to start moving in a direction [33:13] and that was I was thinking about that [33:14] as you said about this idea of like [33:15] paralysis by analysis people they might [33:17] be at rock bottom but they just don't [33:19] know what to do so they just sat in the [33:20] same situation certainty in that context [33:23] is sometimes better for people than the [33:24] uncertainty of what happens if I you [33:26] know what if it's the wrong [33:29] yeah I mean and also you got to figure [33:30] it's sort of like a self perpetuating [33:32] problem too where if you let's say [33:34] you've hit rock bottom even if you don't [33:35] know it and you're like oh I want to fix [33:37] my life I want to do something with my [33:39] life let's say the kind of generic rock [33:41] bottom well let's say you get paralysis [33:43] by analysis and and you're not able to [33:45] sort of like pick a path and you go [33:47] nowhere that only reinforces the idea [33:50] that you're oh you screwed up again MH [33:52] but you hav't there's just too many [33:54] choices and you're allowing Too Many [33:57] Factors to be at play here Joo however [34:00] he said it is dead on and there's [34:01] another way that's talked about in the [34:02] military which is uh an 80% solution now [34:06] is oftentimes better than a 100% [34:08] solution tomorrow and it's all about [34:10] like speed over certainty in the [34:12] military it applies a lot of times but [34:15] that's the way I think people should [34:17] generally not always but generally look [34:19] at their lives if they haven't quite [34:20] built anything yet whether whether [34:22] they're at rock bottom or just starting [34:24] out like they're young people and they [34:25] or whatever age you're at if you just if [34:27] you feel like you need to to make a [34:28] change like you said the the the pain of [34:30] staying the same is is greater than [34:31] making a change if you're at that point [34:33] you kind of know it think about what [34:35] what matters to you whatever it is like [34:37] I like to equate it to when like you're [34:39] in the shower by yourself and you're [34:41] just having unfiltered true thoughts [34:43] like ask yourself what do you really [34:45] care about like honest to God like [34:47] forget what society says you should care [34:49] about let's say you really just want to [34:51] be famous and that's that's that's the [34:54] actual core and you don't even know why [34:56] but that's what you want well guess what [34:58] listen to that part of you it's not vain [35:00] it's a thing that matters to you [35:02] similarly if you if you're like I want [35:03] to be just Rich great if that's a real [35:06] motivation for you like at your core in [35:08] the shower it's just you if that's [35:10] really what drives you great those are [35:13] boxes that must be checked for something [35:15] to be worth doing so it's like have your [35:17] shower thoughts and be real with [35:18] yourself like what do you really [35:19] actually care about not what society [35:21] says not what you want your family none [35:23] of that stuff for me honestly the the [35:25] reason the sealed thing really paid I [35:27] wanted to Do It ultimately is I wanted [35:29] people to say that's John Allen the Navy [35:32] SEAL because to me it was like I had [35:35] been the black sheep in my family [35:37] because of me I had discovered this but [35:39] it's like oh his sisters have done this [35:41] oh his dad's done this his mom's done [35:42] this and then there's John I wanted [35:45] something that sort of overrode the [35:48] mediocrity and failure and I felt like [35:51] what better thing what more honorable [35:52] thing and also I wanted to serve that's [35:54] another check it's a big goal that's [35:56] difficult that's a check but ultimately [35:58] it was like I want people to know that I [36:01] became a Navy SEAL that mattered to me [36:04] and you know what it's it flies in the [36:05] face of what Navy SEAL instructors tell [36:07] you which is you don't want you [36:08] shouldn't do this because you want to be [36:09] a Navy SEAL you should do it because you [36:11] want to serve the country and like [36:13] that's true and what else you going to [36:14] tell your students yeah but if you [36:17] really want to be real about it you got [36:18] to find your real motivation and that [36:20] that box must be checked must be checked [36:23] yeah so i i p on the must be checked [36:26] because once you become the Navy SEAL [36:29] yeah and everyone's saying that's John [36:31] Allen the Navy [36:33] SEAL does your motivation disappear or [36:35] does it become something else and it's [36:37] really it's I think it's really honest [36:39] but also quite unorthodox advice to say [36:40] listen if you if you're in the shower [36:42] and you're going I just want to be rich [36:43] so I can prove these people wrong or [36:44] want to be famous prove these people [36:45] wrong um it's an orthodox advice to say [36:48] to follow that yeah but I have to [36:50] say I just completely agree yeah I agree [36:55] because sometimes you have to have a [36:57] hypothesis [36:58] fail you or some kind of idea fail you [37:01] for you to scratch the itch and that's [37:02] why I was focusing on this idea of [37:04] ticking the Box yeah it's going to stay [37:05] there yes it is like I don't know if you [37:07] can go to therapy or do IAS or something [37:08] to get rid of that thing but for me [37:10] until you pursue it and have it fail you [37:11] or succeed yep it's going to stay there [37:14] yeah I mean that ultimately exactly what [37:17] you said if that box goes unchecked you [37:21] might in your life eventually convince [37:23] yourself that you never needed check to [37:25] check that box but at some point at some [37:28] point in your life when it becomes too [37:29] late or you're about to die on your [37:30] deathbed you will have regret and I I [37:34] can actually speak to a specific [37:36] instance in my life which I had checked [37:38] a box by this point but I had one that I [37:40] hadn't checked I was I was in [37:41] Afghanistan in 2014 and we were in this [37:44] Alleyway and a grenade came over the [37:46] wall and it detonated next to a whole [37:48] bunch of us and I nearly bled to death [37:50] and I have this moment where I I can't [37:53] pull the tourniquets off of my kit that [37:54] are rubber banded to my chest for quick [37:57] access to stop the bleeding but I was so [37:59] weak and in like losing my vision we're [38:01] in the middle of this gunfight I [38:02] couldn't get him off and I realized as [38:05] I'm sitting in this Alleyway in the [38:06] middle of this like horrible place in [38:08] Afghanistan like like the town was very [38:10] kinetic and dangerous and I'm waiting to [38:12] either be shot by the enemy who we know [38:14] is on the other side of the wall that [38:16] could be coming around or I'm going to [38:17] bleed to death or there RPGs being fired [38:20] blindly in our Direction it's like I'm [38:23] about to die 100% I'm actively bleeding [38:26] out or I'm going to be shot and all that [38:29] was running through my head there was a [38:30] couple thoughts there was one that was [38:31] kind of funny now which was I was like [38:34] hm I wonder if my obituary will say [38:38] Jonathan Allen killed an action or John [38:42] Allen killed an action so that was going [38:45] through my head but I also in addition [38:47] to that I had this really acute sadness [38:50] that I hadn't started a family yet I [38:51] didn't have kids I was married we've [38:53] been married for several years and and [38:55] my wife and I had s we'd sort of talk [38:57] about having kids before that deployment [38:59] but we were like oh we'll have time and [39:02] I'm sitting there in this alley bleeding [39:04] to death or expecting to be shot to [39:06] death I'm I'm at the end of my life and [39:08] it was like holy [ __ ] I wish I had a [39:12] child yes that's horrible for the kid [39:14] they lost their dad but like that was a [39:16] box for me I wanted a family what was [39:18] the first thing I did when I survived [39:19] this and got home we started a family [39:21] you know so it's like that's sort of an [39:23] extreme example but I I do really [39:25] believe that a lot of people have boxes [39:28] that are going to go unchecked but to [39:30] your point also just try to do it and [39:33] fail and believe it or not you actually [39:35] check the box yeah yeah yeah that's true [39:37] that's actually really really true yeah [39:40] and [39:41] yeah it's so interesting that that um [39:43] because I've never actually heard [39:44] someone give that kind of advice before [39:47] what people say is like find your why [39:48] and they often are quite judgmental [39:51] about what's motivating you sure so the [39:53] only like accepted motivation is [39:55] something like I want to serve my [39:56] country or I want change the world but [39:58] actually most of us are either like [39:59] driven or dragged as I say which it [40:01] could be yeah like driven is okay you're [40:03] very conscious of what's driving you and [40:04] you're in control but then being dragged [40:06] is the insecurity it's the shame it's [40:07] that I you know my siblings are better [40:08] than me and I want to say [ __ ] you to my [40:09] parents whatever it might be um very [40:12] very very interesting it's also even [40:14] more interesting that you ended up where [40:15] you are today so you you get medically [40:19] discharged from the military after the [40:21] Afghanistan it was not immediately after [40:23] but basically between that and some [40:25] mental issues I was having I was pushed [40:27] to see a psychologist this is like years [40:29] after so 2014 that injury happens I [40:32] survive obviously uh and I ended up [40:35] getting surgery to sort of like my [40:37] shoulder was banged up and I I got fixed [40:39] up enough to deploy again um but I was [40:43] just not fit to serve physically I was [40:45] really struggling um to keep up I had [40:47] some issues with my shoulders and my [40:48] knees I've strap all on my leg uh but [40:51] ultimately I I was recommended to a pych [40:53] in the military because they're like [40:55] dude you you you are not like a s person [40:57] things are not going well for you like [41:00] close friends of mine just sort of said [41:02] I don't think this is this is working [41:03] out and I was very angry I I had like [41:06] now I can say it it's like I had very [41:09] stereotypical or whatever you want to [41:10] call it PTSD like I had not dealt with [41:13] the near-death experience in Afghanistan [41:14] and sort of how that went and so I I [41:17] ended up going for a medical retirement [41:19] which was driven in part by the physical [41:21] injuries but also by like mentally I [41:24] wasn't there so I get I get medically [41:26] retired uh in at the end of 2017 [41:30] and you know it's I never really had a [41:33] plan you know it's like I I knew I was [41:35] going to get medically retired which [41:36] just means like you're going to get out [41:38] and there's G to be like this amount of [41:39] money you get paid you it's a retirement [41:41] it's it's not really enough to to live [41:43] on realistically you're going to have to [41:45] have a job and uh you know I I I [41:49] basically I got out at the end of 2017 [41:52] and I went on LinkedIn and I'm like I [41:56] guess that's where you get job because [41:57] that's what I think people do and I was [41:59] like on LinkedIn and I wound up randomly [42:02] connecting with this guy named Jordan [42:03] celik who is he was living in New York [42:05] at the time he's this former investment [42:07] banker who had just so happened at the [42:09] time that I was on LinkedIn doing this [42:11] like kind of weird job search that his [42:14] best friend was a transitioning fighter [42:16] pilot like he was leaving the military [42:18] going to the private sector was [42:19] struggling with the transition which is [42:21] very common in the military making that [42:23] jump to the civilian world and Jordan [42:25] who's like this very entrepreneurial guy [42:27] he was trying to prove to his friend his [42:29] friend's name was Austin that like you [42:32] must be alone like you're so successful [42:35] being a fighter pilot like you're going [42:36] to find a job and he was like he was [42:38] doing this exercise where he was [42:40] reaching out to like random veterans on [42:42] LinkedIn and being like hey what are you [42:43] doing like with your transition to the [42:45] civilian world to prove to Austin that [42:49] like you're basically complaining and [42:51] you can go find a job you're not a but [42:53] he found like one nobody really got back [42:55] to him because they didn't know who he [42:56] was but I got back to him and I'm like [42:58] actually you know what I just got [42:59] medically retired I have no idea what [43:01] I'm going to do I got kids I'm stressed [43:03] I don't know didn't know this guy uh and [43:05] so Jordan quickly went from trying to [43:07] prove a point to his friend to he was [43:08] like oh well hey why don't you like come [43:11] to New York and I'll just like introduce [43:13] you to some people in my network uh and [43:15] out of that was born this this charity [43:17] that Jordan and I actually started [43:19] called Elite meet that's still around [43:20] today it's like a networking event it's [43:22] a series of networking events for [43:24] transitioning military veterans and [43:26] private sector you know hiring managers [43:27] to meet and get jobs so I did that for a [43:30] little while ironically my job became [43:32] running a charity that helped other vets [43:33] get jobs funny uh but Jordan instilled [43:37] in me he was a big believer in Gary [43:39] vaynerchuk's style of social media that [43:41] sort of like bombard the internet with [43:44] content and be like Allin on content uh [43:46] and Jordan he even had a similar sort of [43:49] he was similar to Gary ve and and I uh I [43:53] I found it like really fascinating the [43:54] idea of social media and content [43:56] creation because when I was in the [43:57] military I didn't even have or I might [43:59] have had a YouTube account but I [44:01] certainly didn't post on it didn't have [44:02] social media but I I with Jordan we [44:06] began using social media content to [44:08] drive donations for this charity we're [44:09] running together uh but at some point I [44:13] wanted to do more like with social media [44:15] I was doing storytelling but narrative [44:17] storytelling like written out stories [44:18] about military stuff to try to get [44:20] generate donations and I was like yeah I [44:23] want to I want to do something for [44:25] myself with social media like build a [44:26] brand for myself and I I I committed a [44:30] cardinal sin one that I was very aware [44:32] of so this is self-awareness but doing [44:34] it anyways um in the the SEAL Teams and [44:38] really I think in Special Operations [44:40] generally despite what you see in terms [44:42] of books written and like movies made [44:44] about seals and you can Google seals and [44:47] there's like 78 examples of seals that [44:49] are publicly talk publicly talking about [44:51] being Navy [44:52] Seals there is like this code of conduct [44:56] amongst the active duty community that [44:59] you don't talk about being a seal that's [45:02] not what you can say you are a seal no [45:04] one's telling you you literally have to [45:05] lie about it but being a seal is not [45:09] something that's yours being a seal is [45:11] you were allowed to enter a community of [45:14] people that were like fighting for a [45:17] common goal together struggling bleeding [45:19] dying together like the the the strength [45:21] of the brand of seal the seal brand is [45:23] built literally on people dying and so [45:26] you can't then leave the military and [45:29] say hey look at me I was a Navy SEAL [45:30] because that's for personal gain you [45:31] can't do that it's sort of a gray area I [45:34] get it yeah I began posting about being [45:37] I was the [45:39] quintessential look at this guy Mr Navy [45:42] SEAL uh at first it wasn't that way it [45:44] wasn't like one day I was like guess [45:46] what guys I'm a Navy SEAL but it it [45:49] began as like a oh I'm going to just [45:51] like have my own accounts and sort of [45:53] tell stories about my experience as a [45:54] seal to push people towards Elite meet [45:57] but then quickly as these began to [45:58] succeed not really but kind of they got [46:01] like a thousand likes here or there I [46:03] was like wow that's that's pretty cool [46:05] and I like began leaning a little more [46:06] and more until finally I was like [46:08] fullsend like the guy that you're not [46:11] supposed to be this is like in 2018 2019 [46:15] and dude I got disowned by the Navy SEAL [46:20] Community I mean like hard give me [46:23] specifics when you say disign uh I could [46:25] pull up DMS uh from Instagram no I so at [46:29] first did not catch a whole lot of [46:32] public at first I think I was doing it [46:35] and people sort of were like well he's [46:36] doing this charity Elite meet that's [46:38] helping seals it's helping vets but [46:41] gradually as I sort of drifted farther [46:43] and farther away from that into just [46:44] like John the Navy SEAL mind you I'm not [46:47] giving up anything sensitive it isn't [46:48] like I'm talking about stuff that's like [46:51] problematic it's really just doing some [46:53] of this you know pumping my chest I [46:55] began receiving just some of the most [46:57] painful messages I've ever gotten in my [46:59] life it's it's it's different than [47:01] getting hate you know as Mr Ballin on [47:03] the internet I certainly get hate from [47:05] time to time but it's different because [47:06] they don't know me it's like they see [47:09] somebody on the internet doing something [47:11] they don't agree with or like and so [47:12] they they they speak their opinion I'm [47:13] sure you're familiar but it's not [47:15] personal it might feel personal at first [47:17] but you get used to it this was actual [47:20] seals who I knew who wanted me to know [47:24] exactly who was sending this message [47:26] like writing me messages to be like hey [47:30] I used to think of you this way and now [47:32] I think of you this way with like [47:33] detailed explanations of and talking [47:36] about how at the team like we all talk [47:37] about how much you [ __ ] suck [47:39] basically and like I would go I lived in [47:41] Virginia beach at the time which is [47:43] where uh the team Seal Team Seal Team 2 [47:45] that's where I was at it's it's a big [47:48] town but it's where like a huge [47:49] concentration of seals were and during [47:52] this time I would like go out to like [47:54] the grocery store and I would see people [47:56] that I know these are not I think that [47:59] guy could be a seal it's like oh no I [48:01] served with him I know exactly who that [48:03] is and they like mean mug me and my [48:05] family at the grocery store or the gym [48:08] because remember this is not like a [48:10] normal group of people this is [48:12] like a group of highly trained killers [48:16] of like operators people that like go to [48:19] war they're not afraid of conflict and I [48:22] have done something that in many ways [48:24] has like tarnished their brand not their [48:26] brand not have they look at tarnish the [48:27] Brotherhood it it's like I'm being [48:29] selfish and I was revive they hated me I [48:34] got I got regularly two to three [48:37] messages email Instagram wherever I I I [48:41] get I get phone calls voice messages of [48:44] people leaving me just the most deep [48:46] cutting personal like I this is how I [48:49] know you and this is what's being said [48:51] about you and this is how I feel about [48:52] you it was horrible but luckily [48:57] uh I had already had the experience in [49:00] my life CS gas thing the coming home [49:03] from college thing of fairly quickly [49:06] realizing that no matter how I justify [49:09] this no matter how I justify why I [49:11] drifted into this Arena ultimately I [49:15] knew what was going I knew the line and [49:17] I knew when I crossed the line of being [49:20] no matter what the public thinks about [49:21] sealed content that you see on the on [49:23] the internet I knew amongst the huge [49:26] majority of people that will never be [49:27] public about their service the active [49:29] duty guys and and the retired guys I had [49:31] crossed a line for them and I was not [49:33] dumb I I I would have been just as upset [49:35] if I was them still active looking at a [49:37] guy like me but instead of like getting [49:41] mad at anybody or looking for [49:43] Retribution or trying to justify it uh I [49:46] deleted it all at some point I remember [49:48] there was a night I'm like sitting on my [49:49] couch and I got a message from somebody [49:52] that I would have said was one of my [49:53] very close friends and it just said you [49:56] suck that's all it said but it sounds [49:59] stupid but this is somebody who's on [50:02] Team Six this is somebody who is I [50:05] specifically trained with and was like [50:07] very close with like his wife and my [50:10] wife were close and like I know what the [50:13] context of this message is it's way more [50:15] than you suck it's we're not the same [50:18] anymore like you're different and I look [50:20] down on you and I was like I can't do [50:22] this there's there is no amount of [50:24] success that I could possibly achieve [50:27] doing the Navy SEAL content stuff that [50:29] would be worth what I'm going through [50:31] right now and so instead of being like [50:33] I'm going to just act like they didn't [50:34] happen I just removed all the content [50:37] save for a couple of very small specific [50:39] things and I hadn't lost the itch for [50:43] making content but it was like I can't [50:46] do anything with regards to being a seal [50:49] because that's not worth it to me and I [50:50] don't want to do it I felt wrong and [50:53] after trying things that never worked [50:55] like sketch comedy and like following [50:57] trends at one point I was my lowest my [51:00] lowest moment my my worst one was I uh [51:04] there was a trend on Tik Tok briefly [51:06] where people would tell like sort of [51:08] weirdly traumatic stories not traumatic [51:11] but like intense stories but with [51:13] autotune they'd use the feature in Tik [51:15] Tok that was autotune and they'd like [51:16] sort of sing it as autotune but it would [51:18] be like about the time they got like [51:20] mugged and so like it's the the contrast [51:22] is so extreme it's sort of [51:24] interesting I did something like that [51:27] and I made it and I was like I cannot [51:28] post this this is like the worst thing [51:29] I've ever made uh but nothing worked and [51:32] I I remember thinking like okay you know [51:34] I I I don't have a clue what I could do [51:37] that would be interesting um and [51:39] actually I remember I had these two [51:40] documents in my computer this is again [51:42] post deleting everything I'm like trying [51:44] to make it on social media with [51:46] something different I had this one [51:47] document that was like ideas for Content [51:49] that were not seal related that were [51:51] like totally divorced from that the [51:53] sketch comedy the autot tune whatever it [51:55] was and I I literally had exhausted all [51:57] of them but I had this other document [52:00] that for I didn't even know why I had [52:01] separated this topic but it was all I [52:03] wrote on it was deat laav P so [52:07] personally I am interested in the [52:10] strange dark and mysterious the tagline [52:12] that's become the Mr Ballin thing [52:14] basically Unsolved Mysteries but not [52:16] like don't think True Crime necessarily [52:18] think like World level Mysteries like [52:21] what's out there is there life out there [52:24] like why is this portion of Antarctica [52:26] blacked out out on Google Earth like the [52:28] Deep like scintillating stuff that no [52:30] one really has an answer to I I've [52:32] always been drawn to that stuff and I uh [52:35] there's a really famous mystery called [52:37] the diat laav pass and it's about these [52:39] hikers in the 50s these nine really [52:41] experienced hikers uh who are going for [52:44] their what's called their level three [52:46] mountaineering test which sounds sort of [52:48] like run-of-the-mill but in fact in in [52:50] Soviet Russia in the 1950s this was like [52:53] Master Mountaineer nobody had level [52:56] three this is like the top if you did [52:57] this you're like the best climbers in [53:00] the country if not potentially the world [53:02] this is a big deal and the way you pass [53:05] your level three is you and the people [53:07] taking it with you there was nine of [53:08] them you have to map out this route [53:10] through this really rugged part of [53:12] whatever Mountain you're going to use [53:13] they use the EUR all mountains so big [53:15] snow swept like huge icy mountains and [53:18] you map out this course that like checks [53:21] the boxes of difficulty and you you're [53:24] effectively timed you have to start on a [53:26] particular day in time and they have [53:28] people set up along the way the [53:29] scheduled checkpoints if you will and so [53:31] they brought cameras with them this [53:33] group this is again 1952 I think it was [53:36] and so this these young nine hikers who [53:38] were like so excited to do this test no [53:40] one stressed they're so pumped there's a [53:42] couple of couples in there they set off [53:44] on this this journey and I think they [53:47] reached the first checkpoint I forget [53:49] what it is but they didn't make it to [53:51] whatever second checkpoint or whatever [53:52] it was and there was a protocol for the [53:54] people who were sort of sponsoring this [53:56] TCH that were part of the checkpoints [53:58] that knew this they knew what was going [53:59] on where if they missed a checkpoint [54:02] there's like this big search that goes [54:04] out to make sure they're okay even [54:05] though the even though there's some [54:07] expectation that they might not make a [54:08] checkpoint by like a day because it's a [54:10] difficult test but the protocol is like [54:13] really extreme as soon as they go [54:15] missing it's like the Army gets involved [54:17] and they go and follow the route to find [54:19] the hikers so they missed the checkpoint [54:22] this protocol is enacted and not only [54:24] are there pictures that we will get from [54:26] the hikers but there was cameras that [54:28] came with the search crew they they [54:30] follow the trail that they're supposed [54:31] to be on this is again there's no trees [54:33] it's just like the tundra it's like ice [54:36] and snow and mountains and they come [54:38] across this mountain off in the distance [54:40] and they see on the Windswept Side of [54:42] the Mountain basically halfway up are [54:44] these tents that are just these like [54:46] canvas tents you barely see them but [54:48] they're they're situated right in the [54:49] middle of the of the slope which is like [54:52] strategically one of the worst places [54:53] you can place these tents so immediately [54:55] they're thinking one it has to be the [54:57] hikers because who else is out here [54:59] right now but two why in the world with [55:01] these incredibly talented hikers or [55:04] Mountaineers why would they ever pitch [55:06] their tent there this is the most [55:07] hazardous part the wind can whip you off [55:09] you either go to the top and over or you [55:11] stay to the bottom let's say you beun [55:12] hiking up that mountain you get halfway [55:14] and you're like I can't make it you [55:16] better go back down and make T and make [55:18] your Camp down there so they see this [55:20] these tents they're in the wrong spot [55:22] they go up to the tents and the hikers [55:23] aren't there they're not in there [55:24] there's pictures of this too the tents [55:27] inside had stacks of clothing neatly [55:30] folded and and placed in the corners [55:32] like as if they hadn't they left their [55:33] clothes behind and the and the tents [55:35] themselves were cut open like with a [55:37] knife but somehow they deduced that they [55:39] had been cut open but from the inside so [55:42] presumably one or multiple of the [55:44] Mountaineers chose to cut open these [55:46] tents in like negative 50 degree weather [55:49] and then there were all these prints in [55:50] the snow that led down the mountain and [55:52] some of the prins were bare feet some [55:53] had one shoe and one Barefoot and it's [55:56] all nine of the hikers they they spotted [55:58] these Prince and they follow the prince [56:00] down the hill or the mountain it's a big [56:02] space and they find this little crops of [56:05] trees there's only a few few areas in [56:07] the Euro mountains in this part of the [56:08] Euro mountains that have trees and [56:10] there's this little group of trees and [56:12] when they get to the trees they find [56:13] three of the hikers and they're all [56:14] deceased and there's one who's basically [56:17] almost naked kind of wrapped up on the [56:19] ground there's pictures of this uh [56:21] there's one who I believe was draped [56:22] over one of the branches up in one of [56:24] the trees and then another one that was [56:25] also on the ground as well and there's [56:27] these deep scratch marks in the tree [56:30] like gouges on the tree as if some [56:32] animal had been scratching at this tree [56:34] and all three of these hikers are [56:36] deceased and they there's it looks like [56:38] exposure but they're not really wearing [56:40] the right clothing or they're missing [56:41] pieces of clothing but they're all [56:43] deceased there's more footprints that [56:45] lead away from those three about a mile [56:47] kind of back in the direction the search [56:49] party had come from and there's this big [56:51] snow drift that created sort of like a [56:52] snow cave underneath it and the [56:54] footprints lead into the snow cave cave [56:56] where the other six hikers were and [56:58] they're all deceased as well except in [57:00] there the hikers had seemingly exchanged [57:03] clothing and they know this because the [57:05] women were wearing men's clothing and [57:07] vice versa some of their clothes had [57:09] Trace levels of radiation and some of [57:10] them had parts of their face removed it [57:13] looked like lips nose ears it almost [57:15] looked like like surgical Precision [57:17] removal they're all deceased and uh one [57:20] of the injuries there was a person in [57:21] there who their chest had basically been [57:23] caved in and it was deduced that the Imp [57:26] it would have taken there was no there's [57:28] no lacerations just their chest was [57:29] caped in the impact would have been [57:32] equivalent to like a speeding car [57:34] smashing into at full speed but there's [57:36] no sign of anything that could have done [57:37] this damage and they're all deceased and [57:40] so the Soviet government they launched [57:42] an investigation and during this [57:44] investigation they discover that there [57:46] was a huge military exercise a Russian [57:48] military exercise taking place in the [57:51] eural mountains who had no idea about [57:53] these hikers they have no clue that the [57:55] level mountaineering test is going on [57:57] that's not even on their radar and [57:58] they're you know 15 20 miles away and [58:01] one of their senior commanders on the [58:03] same night that it's believed the hikers [58:04] all died and whatever happened to them [58:06] happened he began noticing all these [58:08] strange lights in the sky over the Ural [58:10] Mountains going up and down and moving [58:11] all around to the point where he [58:13] actually thought it was another country [58:15] a foreign country are they invading us [58:18] and he literally thought it was like an [58:19] invasion of Russia and he sent out [58:21] messages to say hey what's happening [58:23] over there having no idea that he was [58:24] pointing to the one spot [58:26] where these hikers were so during this [58:28] investigation they discover that [58:30] families are clamoring for information [58:32] about their lost loved ones no nobody [58:33] has any idea what what's going on and [58:36] suddenly the Soviet government says up [58:38] we're going to shut this investigation [58:39] down all we know is that the nine hikers [58:42] who died died from an unknown unnatural [58:46] Force [58:49] sealed and to date even though there was [58:51] actually a recent investig a [58:52] reinvestigation done in [58:54] 2020 uh it's remained like one of the [58:57] great Unsolved Mysteries in part because [59:00] it's got this like oh the the Russian [59:02] government sealed it and there's more [59:03] information what do they mean unknown uh [59:05] unnatural Force but there's pictures of [59:07] the tent of the bodies of all this stuff [59:10] and so I uh I always thought that was a [59:13] fascinating story and I love stories [59:15] like that and I I was at this water park [59:18] in Pennsylvania with my family indoor [59:20] water park and at this point I've [59:22] exhausted the one list you know [59:23] nothing's worked on social media this [59:26] new thing Tik Tok had sort of begun to [59:28] happen uh I didn't really even know what [59:30] it was but I was like maybe I'll try [59:31] posting on there you know because it's a [59:33] it's a new platform maybe that'll work [59:35] and I was like but I bet I I want to try [59:37] something else you know because these [59:38] haven't these ideas haven't worked and [59:40] so like in my hotel room I tell my wife [59:43] and three kids like go down the water [59:44] park I'll meet you down there in a [59:45] minute and I just pull out the phone and [59:47] I do a 60-second rendition of that and I [59:50] was like hey you know at the end of this [59:52] you're going to Google you're going to [59:53] Google two words and I tell this brief [59:55] story about this this crazy mystery and [59:57] I'm like that's called the deat laav [59:58] pass mystery that's the name of the P [60:00] they were in when they were found and I [60:02] post this video to my account that has [60:04] no followers it's like the Mr Ballin [60:06] account there's a story behind that but [60:07] it's it's a nothing account post it and [60:10] really no expectation that this is going [60:11] to amount to anything I leave my phone [60:13] in the room because I'm going down to [60:15] the water park I can't waterproof my [60:17] phone I'll be with my kids and when I [60:18] came back up a few hours later and I [60:20] picked up my phone I couldn't even get [60:22] it to turn on like it was like I was [60:23] like oh is it all is it power dead and I [60:26] finally get it on and it's just like [60:28] like notifications like mad from this [60:30] video there's over 5 million views on [60:32] this video mind you everything I've ever [60:35] posted collectively has maybe been like [60:36] a 100,000 views so this is like massive [60:39] virality but it was utterly divorced [60:42] from seal stuff this is like pure I [60:45] think this is fascinating and I love [60:46] telling stories and that wasn't like oh [60:49] boy here's a business opportunity it was [60:51] more like oh my God this is so cool I'm [60:53] going to tell more stories like that cuz [60:55] this is what I like and I just began [60:57] making story after story that sort of [60:59] fell in line with that and the and it [61:02] happened to fall at literally the start [61:04] of the pandemic so it's like suddenly [61:05] everybody is not only on their phones [61:07] but they're on Tik Tok and everybody on [61:09] Tik Tok is like mostly kids dancing and [61:12] also me telling stories with a flannel [61:15] and backwards hat and so the account [61:16] just blew up like mad I transitioned to [61:18] YouTube and I I've just been telling [61:21] stories ever since so first and foremost [61:23] I have to ask what do you think happened [61:24] to those hikers [61:26] man I don't know I don't know so the [61:28] they reopened the investigation like I [61:30] said in 2020 uh it I I don't claim this [61:33] to be true but I think it might have [61:35] been in part because of the viral the [61:36] virality of that that video suddenly [61:38] there's this newfound interest of people [61:40] Googling that the outlaw pass um and [61:42] they concluded that there was an ice [61:43] slab that broke off and killed them but [61:46] it's like how does that account for like [61:50] the clothes being exchanged the the [61:51] potential radioactive nature of their [61:53] clothes like what the the the military [61:55] guys Sol with the lights there's too [61:56] many things that don't get explained um [61:59] it is true that like when you become [62:01] hypothermic when you when you become [62:03] truly hypothermic and you're nearing [62:05] like the end basically you're about to [62:06] die from exposure uh it's you you become [62:09] warm to the point where you're hot you [62:11] actually take your clothes off yeah [62:13] that's a well documented thing so you [62:15] could say okay so they're they're they [62:17] they've pitched a terrible place on the [62:18] on the mountain they're they're being [62:20] exposed to the elements they're [62:21] basically freezing maybe they did maybe [62:24] as skilled as they were they weren't [62:25] really prepared for the weather and so [62:27] they became hypothermic and let's say [62:28] maybe an avalanche or an ice slab did [62:30] come down and maybe they got hit by the [62:32] ice slab and now they're hypothermic [62:34] they're taking their clothes off but [62:35] it's like okay what are all the marks in [62:38] the tree you know why are why are their [62:40] clothes radioactive what did the [62:42] government mean when they said an [62:43] unknown unnatural Forest back in the [62:45] 1950s what were the lights seen by the [62:47] the military guy there's too many [62:49] unanswered questions so I uh admittedly [62:52] am a huge skeptic and if anything doing [62:55] uh creating this content has only made [62:57] me more skeptical because there's so [62:59] much stuff that gets put out that's not [63:00] true and it's just like totally made up [63:03] but this remains one of those stories [63:04] that just sort of makes you wonder like [63:07] is it possible there's stuff out there [63:08] that we don't necessarily understand [63:10] like Supernatural forces or you know [63:12] extraterrestrials like I'd say this is a [63:15] a story that certainly opens the [63:17] possibility but I also would be [63:18] perfectly fine to hear that actually [63:20] turns out here's all the things that [63:22] happened that makes that completely [63:23] reasonable maybe there was a a leak of [63:25] some kind that like leaked out radiation [63:27] or who knows what so I'm open to it but [63:29] I think it's it's one of the few cases [63:31] that that seems like could make a case [63:33] for [63:34] paranormal and my next question is as [63:36] you reflect on the Journey of your life [63:38] yeah from from the basement to the seals [63:40] to then producing the seals content [63:42] getting disowned from your seals [63:44] Brotherhood because of that then [63:45] stumbling across this Tik Tok thing yeah [63:48] then YouTube and everything else that's [63:49] happened when you look back and go like [63:51] how can I give anybody advice on how to [63:54] stumble into their thing based on the [63:57] actions the intentional actions that I [63:59] took that brought me here so one of the [64:02] things that my wife and I often find [64:04] ourselves saying uh is like wow like we [64:09] the timing on things is just amazing we [64:11] are so lucky with timing and I'll give [64:14] you a couple examples so when I was [64:16] getting medically retired from the [64:18] military there was a time where I [64:20] actually was going to be pushed out like [64:22] actually cut from the military and it [64:24] was going to be like a year earlier than [64:26] when I actually did and so it was like [64:28] hey you're going to get medically [64:29] retired and it's happening tomorrow and [64:31] I didn't have a I didn't have a job [64:33] lined up I didn't have anything lined up [64:35] and that's actually when I began [64:37] reaching out and I met Jordan and it was [64:38] like really quickly we we came up with [64:40] this Elite meet thing but then after the [64:43] elite meet thing I actually had some [64:45] legs and we're getting donations in [64:46] we're putting these these cool events on [64:47] and I have like this feeble little [64:49] salary coming in from it plus my [64:51] retirement I'm like okay I can keep I [64:53] can keep things afloat for a little [64:54] while until I figure out the next thing [64:56] right as that happened so out of [64:58] necessity i' I've I've found a way to to [65:00] make an income within like a month of [65:02] needing to have an income the Navy says [65:05] actually we're going to extend your [65:06] contract for an extra I think it was [65:07] eight months or something and so [65:09] suddenly I had the uh the opportunity [65:12] with Jordan and Elite meet but also got [65:14] eight more months or 10 months six I [65:16] forget what it was it was it was less [65:17] than a year but it was a lot more time [65:19] in the Navy but I really didn't have to [65:21] do much in the Navy I I was already on [65:22] the medical discharge way I B I had to [65:25] go to work and like either like a couple [65:26] hours a week it was not hard but it [65:28] meant I got paid through the Navy and so [65:30] it allowed me really to not worry about [65:32] pulling money from Elite meat and [65:33] pulling a salary I can just grow Elite [65:36] meat with Jordan and get paid by the [65:38] Navy it's like the Navy is incubating [65:40] Elite meat but Elite meat wouldn't have [65:43] existed if I didn't have that oh my God [65:45] I'm getting out in a month I have to do [65:46] something about it and so it feels like [65:49] oh the timing so perfect like I started [65:51] Elite meet with Jordan and then I was [65:53] granted this extra time with the Navy it [65:55] fostered the this company it incubated [65:56] this company but no I've sort of always [65:58] looked at the looked at my life as being [66:00] like man there just such amazing timing [66:02] on things like I just feel like we're so [66:04] blessed with the timing like when like [66:06] the the Tik Tok thing like I just so [66:08] happen to to like be making this video [66:11] when suddenly everybody's on Tik Tok at [66:13] the beginning of the pandemic yeah [66:14] that's insane timing for sure and I'm [66:16] not denying that that's a timing thing [66:19] but also I'm somebody that is perfectly [66:21] willing to take a chance and do [66:23] something like I don't I don't get stuck [66:25] on is is this a good idea or not it's [66:27] like I'm just going to try this thing [66:28] and it's the people that are sort of [66:29] willing to quickly check a box and do [66:32] this thing that will be in a position to [66:35] where timing can benefit you if you're [66:37] constantly like ah I'm thinking about it [66:39] I'm thinking things are going to pass [66:40] you by and so I I look I forget what the [66:43] question was but essentially the the [66:45] advice I would give is like really it's [66:47] sort of what Joo said it's this idea of [66:49] like you just got to start moving [66:51] because it's [66:52] amazing what doors begin to open up for [66:55] you if if you're already on the move if [66:56] you're stationary they don't open it's [66:58] interesting because as you were talking [66:59] about timing I was thinking that's not [67:01] what I think the answer is I was [67:02] thinking that timing is one of those [67:04] things you you see in hindsight and go [67:06] gosh wasn't that perfect timing but for [67:08] it to be perfect timing you need to be [67:09] the kind of guy who's willing to send [67:11] their kids down to the pool with your [67:13] wife and make a Tik Tok video on a [67:15] platform you know very little about yeah [67:17] doing something you've never done before [67:18] right and it's actually in that moment [67:20] that I think your that's your like [67:22] moment of Brilliance that's when your [67:23] life pivots because genuinely 99.9% of [67:27] people would not be making a video on a [67:30] platform they don't know much about on a [67:32] subject that they've never made it a [67:33] video about before and your story is [67:35] like riddled with those moments where [67:37] like even responding to the guy on [67:38] LinkedIn you said most people didn't [67:40] reply that's right but I responded and [67:42] then you went and met him in New York or [67:43] something and that c so in in hindsight [67:45] yes it looks like timing but actually [67:47] it's that you were in moments where you [67:49] were lost you got moving you did [67:51] something you had a bias towards action [67:53] yeah and failure is feedback feedback is [67:56] knowledge knowledge is power so you it [67:58] was it's interesting because when you're [67:59] talking about like your bias of just [68:00] like do something aim at something what [68:02] what it appears is happening there is [68:04] even if the thing fails like some of the [68:06] things you tried failed at least you're [68:08] getting feedback true and then the [68:09] feedbacks informing what you do next [68:12] like you said I did the um the seals [68:14] thing on LinkedIn you learned some stuff [68:16] about social media there okay it didn't [68:17] work out how you wish but you took that [68:19] into the next test yeah and [68:23] um and that's really I think when looked [68:25] at your story the defining thing is [68:27] these just a willingness to in fact i' [68:30] be honest a willingness to embarrass [68:32] yourself and be bad at something you [68:34] know it's funny you say that because uh [68:37] I I literally have like sort of a mantra [68:39] that I've developed that I can't claim [68:42] is something I came up with but I [68:43] definitely find myself living by it now [68:46] um and that is uh it's do things that [68:49] scare you and I'll quantify that or [68:51] qualify that so actually Will Smith the [68:53] actor has this great thing he does he [68:55] goes on Oprah I think it was Oprah or [68:57] some talk show and he talks about his [68:59] experience skydiving and uh you know [69:02] it's it's it's this unbelievable like [69:05] monologue this impromptu monologue he [69:06] gives but he basically is like you know [69:09] my my family was like yeah or my buddies [69:11] like we're gonna go skydiving tomorrow [69:12] and it was like oh yeah that'll be so [69:14] crazy we'll go skydiving tomorrow but [69:15] he's like we're not gonna really do that [69:17] and then it's like the next morning we [69:19] get up and he's like yeah let's go get [69:20] breakfast guys like no no we're going to [69:21] go skydiving like let's go let's go [69:23] skydiving and he's like wait really [69:25] doing that and they're like yeah and [69:26] he's like oh my God I I don't want to go [69:28] skydiving I thought we were just like [69:29] saying it last night and he winds up you [69:32] know going with his buddies to the [69:33] actual you know Airfield and they're [69:35] like signing the paperwork and he's like [69:36] guys are we really doing this I I don't [69:38] want to do this come on it's not so bad [69:41] and so before long he's like in the [69:42] plane up in the air attached to the [69:44] instructor and he's like they open the [69:47] door up and they're like all right it's [69:48] your turn and he's like I'm sitting on [69:50] the edge and I'm having like this [69:51] full-blown crisis like I don't want to [69:54] jump I'm terrified of jumping and the [69:57] instructor is like all right will we're [69:59] going to go on three one jumps [70:02] really and he was like the second I left [70:06] the plane fear was gone yeah and it was [70:08] just this exhilarating experience of [70:10] soaring through the air of skydiving and [70:13] he was like when I landed it he's like I [70:15] suddenly understood that there's always [70:17] been this this aspect in my life that [70:19] I've sort of seen in other ways in my [70:21] life but it's the best things in life [70:23] this is Will Smith not me best things in [70:26] life are on the are on the other side of [70:28] fear and so what I've taken that as you [70:30] know like uh becoming a Navy SEAL for [70:33] example when I decided to do it like [70:36] there's a huge amount of fear and and [70:37] not so much fear of failure it's like [70:39] just it's fear of like not stacking up [70:42] like when I got there like you're I was [70:44] so intimidated by the people around me [70:46] but I knew if I could just like not let [70:48] the fear overwhelm me that the reward on [70:51] the back end would be so high you know [70:53] or or even take you know I I just did a [70:55] live we did a live tour with 15 shows I [70:58] actually am terrified of public speaking [71:00] I've had instances in my life where I [71:03] have Frozen up publicly giving a speech [71:05] and literally had to put the microphone [71:07] down and leave I've had that experience [71:10] and I'm volunteering to do a tour with [71:12] thousands of people but it's the way I [71:15] look at it is like the things that you [71:16] don't want to do you'll be indifferent [71:18] to the things that you do want to do [71:21] you'll typically have a if it's a if [71:23] it's a big enough thing the best things [71:24] in life so to speak [71:26] you will have element of a fear response [71:28] to it now of if you're scared to go down [71:31] the basement because you hear an [71:32] intruder breaking in listen to yourself [71:34] don't go down in the basement when it [71:36] comes to like goal setting kind of going [71:38] back to that that idea of shower [71:40] thoughts right everybody has some that [71:43] they just really want to do and it's not [71:45] even necessarily motivated by one [71:47] particular thing maybe it's some action [71:49] they want to take maybe it's talking to [71:51] a friend that they've blown off for 10 [71:53] years or or it's public speaking or [71:54] whatever it is but they know even if [71:57] they don't admit to it deep down they [71:59] know fear is the thing keeping them from [72:01] doing it it's fear of embarrassment it's [72:03] fear of failure it's a fear of all the [72:05] things that make us human it's the very [72:08] select number of people in this life [72:11] that are still able to say I'm going to [72:13] still do that thing that scares the [ __ ] [72:15] out of me that have the best and most [72:17] fulfilling lives not always but they [72:18] often do and like that's why we look at [72:21] like Will Smith for example that dude [72:24] very likely just because I'm I'm [72:26] referencing him he's probably had to do [72:28] things that were so uncomfortable in his [72:30] life to be an actor at his level is like [72:31] hey perform in front of everybody right [72:34] now and don't screw it up you know it's [72:36] like pressure and performance it's like [72:39] that dude has faced fears his whole life [72:41] yeah he's using skydiving as an example [72:43] but his life is very likely a product of [72:45] a guy who faces fears but it's the fear [72:48] knowing that if I do this there's [72:49] something big on the other side and so I [72:52] preach to my children and I try to live [72:54] this idea of do things that scare you [72:57] and literally the live tour that we just [72:58] did was was it I I was having like an [73:00] existential crisis before we began but [73:03] the second I took the stage it was like [73:04] oh this is great so it goes back to what [73:07] you were saying about when will jumped [73:08] out of the plane yeah the all the fear [73:11] was there before he jumped oh yes and [73:13] just like you walking up out on that [73:15] stage the fear you're tormented before [73:18] Oh yes I always find before [73:19] significantly harder in every way oh [73:21] yeah before before everything that I've [73:23] done in my life is the worst part once [73:24] you get into it it's you're confronting [73:26] reality which isn't always as bad but [73:28] yes before is horrible and also when [73:30] you're talking I was thinking you know [73:31] it's [73:32] really either way you're making a [73:34] decision in those moments like when you [73:36] thinking about your life tour the [73:37] decision is do I accept the unchecked [73:39] box or do I accept this mental torment [73:42] that I'm going to inflict upon myself [73:44] that's very [73:45] true and I think yeah when they talk to [73:48] people on their Death Beds and stuff the [73:49] worst thing is the unchecked Box not the [73:50] it's got to be not that I walked out and [73:52] put the mic down and walked off yeah [73:54] like I don't look I look back at the [73:55] fact that I and I was in San Francisco [73:57] at a dinner where I literally froze and [73:59] put the mic down and walked off I looked [74:01] at that as a catalyst for why I was so [74:04] scared to do public speaking this time [74:06] and it ultimately pushed me to do it I [74:07] don't regret San Francisco I'm glad it [74:10] happened but only because I faced it [74:12] later on I would be so embarrassed I [74:15] would I would Harbor like my pain [74:17] forever if I never try it again but yeah [74:20] it's like the you don't regret the [74:22] failure you regret not trying how do [74:24] people misunderstand you cuz they like [74:26] you they see you on a screen and they [74:28] consume a certain type of content you [74:29] make they probably don't know the full [74:31] context of your life but how do you [74:33] think people have misunderstood you oh [74:36] good [74:37] question um I would say and this is not [74:39] even to try to Curry you know favor with [74:42] my you know former seal Brethren but I [74:45] think that even when I was posting and [74:48] this is really just specifically to the [74:49] people that really disown me who still [74:52] very likely do you you know my intention [74:56] when I was posting the the seal stuff [74:58] before Mr ball and thing happened it was [75:00] never like I'm so great it was more like [75:03] I want to do something with my life and [75:05] this feels like an opportunity and I [75:07] know it's sort of like questionable but [75:10] when you're no longer in that insulated [75:13] team room when you're in the Wolfpack so [75:15] to speak it's easy to view the rest of [75:17] your life as being oh it'll I become a [75:19] seal I can do anything I want but like [75:20] when you're cast out or when you leave [75:22] and you're by yourself and you got to [75:24] like figure out your new life it's it's [75:26] really difficult to imagine how you're [75:28] going to do that without leveraging you [75:30] know the biggest thing you've ever done [75:32] and so I think that the one definite [75:33] specific thing is I never made that [75:36] content because I literally believed I'm [75:38] the special guy and like everybody [75:40] better look at me as like Mr Navy SEAL I [75:43] was very aware of the fact that I was a [75:45] junior seal relative to the other people [75:47] that had served and like my experience [75:49] was minimal compared to others um so I [75:52] think that some people think that I [75:53] actually somehow believe that I'm like [75:54] I'm a superhero and I didn't then and I [75:56] don't know uh I'd say now sort of the Mr [76:01] ball ins side of things there's like a [76:04] practical thing which [76:06] is the as the sort of Mr Ballin thing [76:09] has grown to where it is now to where [76:12] it's like a it's a pretty recognizable [76:13] thing in in the genre of the strange [76:15] dark and [76:16] mysterious um it's been really really [76:19] challenging for me personally to balance [76:22] my my life with my wife and my three [76:24] kids kids who I adore and sort of like [76:28] you know responsibilities with content I [76:30] mean we have a recording schedule we [76:31] have things that I sort of have pledged [76:33] to do and as you know with content [76:35] creation there's not really an end you [76:37] just sort of keep doing it I think that [76:39] by no means am I saying like oh this job [76:42] is so hard people better sympathize with [76:44] me hardly like I understand the [76:46] privilege but at the same time like I [76:49] started making content and it was like [76:51] an outpouring of content constantly I [76:53] was making five videos a week sometimes [76:54] times that are like 25 minutes each by [76:57] myself like shooting it editing it [76:59] everything it was like it would take me [77:00] about 26 hours or so per video over [77:03] seven days so it's like yeah I really [77:05] wasn't sleeping I became like a raging [77:06] alcoholic I became like horribly [77:09] overweight because it was like [77:10] everything got pushed aside to make [77:13] videos and then as I realized that like [77:16] doing content at that ferish rate was [77:20] really taking a toll on my physical [77:21] health my mental health um and [77:24] definitely my relationship with my wife [77:25] and kids I began to sort of make an [77:28] exchange it was like I I'm going to do [77:30] less content for more time with my [77:32] family and loads of people got that it [77:34] isn't like the masses were like dude [77:36] you're you're a jerk but I think what's [77:39] happened now and it's sort of a product [77:40] of success is we've reached a point not [77:44] just me but like I we have a team that's [77:46] pretty sizable we have an amazing studio [77:48] we have publishing division we have this [77:50] we have that like we've reached a point [77:52] where I think people view me as like [77:54] this corporate guy guy out to get money [77:56] when in reality like you were talking [77:58] before the show like you're like it's [78:00] weird people say you're so successful [78:02] when I don't even know what I'm doing [78:04] like I'm still very much the guy that [78:07] randomly made a video that went viral on [78:09] Tik Tok and so one of the harder things [78:11] for me has been as the audience grows [78:14] which I'm happy for it's like you really [78:16] have to understand that there there are [78:18] people that don't like me anymore like [78:21] have taken an issue with me and it's [78:23] always this idea that like I'm somehow [78:25] like this money grubbing like corporate [78:28] guy that is only in it to make money [78:30] when in reality like as you probably [78:32] seen with this interview dude my default [78:34] is I love telling stories I love this [78:36] genre I always have and like I also I I [78:40] kind of like being My Own Boss to a [78:41] degree so it's like it checks a lot of [78:42] boxes for me do you ever worry that [78:45] you've got your priorities [78:48] wrong well when I say that I really mean [78:51] um because when you're a create content [78:54] creator like we both are yeah um like [78:57] you say it's you're constant it's [78:59] constant it's constant it's constant and [79:00] there's there's no light at the end of [79:01] the tunnel in terms of there's not like [79:03] you get off this train at some point if [79:04] you get off you fail effec that is how [79:06] it works so how do you think because if [79:09] I said to you you're going to be doing [79:10] this forever like you're going to be [79:12] doing what you do now for the next 30 [79:15] Years you know I think that I've [79:17] actually probably reached a point in my [79:19] life as a content creator where maybe I [79:22] haven't come to it exactly the way [79:24] you've just laid it out but [79:27] it's I'm definitely not currently in [79:31] this for money if anything I'm in it for [79:33] I get a lot of enjoyment out of [79:35] literally telling stories I mentioned to [79:36] you pre-show that doing the live tour [79:38] was so much fun because I got to [79:41] actually interact with these people that [79:43] show up as numbers on my YouTube videos [79:45] but they're real people and it's like it [79:47] was so much fun like fulfilling for me I [79:50] would have I literally told Nick our my [79:52] CEO and the man and my manager before [79:54] the tour started like I would have I [79:55] would have paid to do the tour and now [79:58] especially I would have paid money to [80:00] have that experience to put those shows [80:01] on but yeah like looking ahead it's like [80:04] I've sort of reached a point which [80:06] is like I was never really in this for [80:08] for fame or money or I definitely was in [80:12] it for like the idea of being successful [80:13] no doubt I want to be successful and [80:15] things come with that that are in in the [80:17] money and fame in the app but like I [80:19] ultimately just I'm a guy that just like [80:21] tries new stuff I've done lots of new [80:23] things I sort of re invented myself [80:25] several times over but I do really well [80:27] when I just sort of have a new goal and [80:29] I I thrive in that environment and like [80:31] for me like when the Mr Ballin thing [80:33] started it was not how much money can we [80:36] make or how successful or how big of a [80:38] business can we make it was like can I [80:40] make another video that people like can [80:42] I keep doing that and that became the [80:44] goal can I repeat interest in the videos [80:48] could you see yourself ever [80:50] stopping yes and no for sure because I [80:53] think that I'm also capable of saying [80:55] and now I'm I'm good I'm going to go do [80:57] this completely new thing with my family [80:59] and ride off into the sunset you think [81:00] you're capable of that saying that I do [81:02] actually how many subscribers have you [81:03] got total it's like I mean your main [81:05] Channel's got almost what 10 million [81:07] it's about 10 I think that if you if I [81:08] think we've done the math and we looked [81:10] at all areas all platforms including [81:13] podcast it's probably somewhere around [81:14] 20 to 25 million like 20 25 million [81:17] subscribers you you would be okay with [81:19] just walking away and saying could you [81:21] see that reality in the future [81:25] yeah is there anything that it would [81:26] take for you to get there is it like [81:28] would you [81:29] need yeah is there anything any Catalyst [81:32] you think you know actually it's funny [81:34] to bring this up because I I've sort of [81:36] mentioned the the live tour a couple [81:38] times uh if if I had to be honest about [81:42] my deeply internalized unchecked box [81:46] from the time I became an adult well [81:48] from the time I like joined the military [81:49] it was I always just had this interest [81:53] in giving a big public talk for no other [81:57] reason than to Simply conquer that [81:58] moment uh my dad is an incredible [82:00] speaker uh he's done some pretty big [82:02] talks and I've I've seen him speak and [82:04] he's so good and I uh I've always known [82:08] that I was I have a I'm a good speaker I [82:09] can tell stories this is something well [82:11] before Mr Ballin um but I I I viewed it [82:15] as something that was so terrifying that [82:16] I would I would never actually do it I [82:18] was the guy that had that thought and [82:20] was like I'll live with an unchecked box [82:22] and I I would tell myself it's because I [82:24] don't don't really have the content to [82:25] deliver a talk I I have the ability but [82:28] no content and that was my excuse but [82:30] then the Mr Ballin things H the Mr [82:31] Ballin thing sort of takes off and [82:33] suddenly it's like oh you have the [82:35] audience you have the content you have [82:36] all this stuff it is now a decision are [82:39] you going to do it or not and I over the [82:42] last couple years have like really [82:45] mentally tortured myself to to work [82:47] myself up to be like I'm not only going [82:49] to do the live stuff but I'm going to do [82:51] a whole tour like it's and I told you [82:53] before before the show that I wanted [82:55] limited production value a part of that [82:57] was because I wanted it to be me with a [83:00] spotlight on me with a microphone to [83:02] make it as as intense as it could [83:04] possibly be because I felt like if I [83:06] didn't start there i' I'd be worried I [83:08] didn't fulfill the thing I've always [83:09] wanted to do which is like be the guy [83:11] with the mic and and Captivate people [83:13] and so I did that I feel like I I [83:15] genuinely accomplished this thing that I [83:16] really didn't think I would ever [83:17] actually do because fear was was too [83:20] much I wasn't able to get to get past it [83:22] but as a result coming back from that [83:24] tour and this is going to sound so like [83:27] egotistical but it's like we come back [83:28] from tour and we have this the graphic [83:30] novel we released New York Times [83:32] bestselling graphic novel like it's [83:34] beautiful I'm so proud of that book you [83:36] know the tour was like statistically [83:39] financially whatever you want to call it [83:41] huge success you know the the YouTube [83:43] channel the podcast everything's going [83:44] great but I suddenly had no more [83:47] genuinely deep-seated unchecked boxes I [83:50] don't the only thing I have is like a [83:53] real desire to to be a good dad but it [83:55] hasn't there's not a specific way to [83:57] quantify that like but by doing the live [84:01] thing which was so in the back of my [84:03] mind now that it's been checked I could [84:04] do 50 more Live tours and it would never [84:06] be the same as the first one like I I [84:08] could right now they said hey there's [84:10] 7,000 people out there go tell a story [84:12] impromptu I could do that right now it [84:13] wouldn't be it' be stressful as hell but [84:15] I'd do it I don't have and this this is [84:19] again not meant to be egotistical I [84:20] don't have a goal anymore I've now [84:23] reached a point where [84:25] in the only other thing that I wanted to [84:27] do was pitch for the Boston Red Sox and [84:29] I think that ship is sailed that'd be [84:30] the one thing I'm not to be able to do [84:33] but I don't really have like the the big [84:35] audacious goal I'm sure I'll find one [84:37] I'm looking for one um but I've sort of [84:40] reached a point where like I adore the [84:43] storytelling aspect of Storytelling I [84:46] just do I'm doing it right now um but I [84:48] also adore my family and my kids and I [84:50] and I want to have a full life there and [84:52] and by the way I definitely have a good [84:54] balance right now but to your point [84:56] could I do this for 30 more years the [84:57] answer is no I could do this for a time [85:00] and I'll put all of my energy into it [85:02] and when when when people hear my fans [85:03] when I say like I genuinely care about [85:06] what you think I'm in the comments I [85:07] read rdit I read painful things unre it [85:10] I read all this stuff it's because I [85:12] genuinely care because this was never [85:13] about building a business that's a [85:15] product of the thing that I love to do [85:16] it's a product of telling stories and [85:18] and loving to do that but yeah I don't [85:21] have I don't have the Deep unchecked box [85:23] I hope to find one but right now it's [85:25] like I feel like I'm just sort of doing [85:27] stuff and I need to find the thing and I [85:29] don't have it I'm I'm so fortunate so [85:31] blessed and I love my life I love that [85:33] but I don't have I've done the the Box [85:36] checking and I and I don't know what's [85:37] next everybody needs a an uncheck box [85:40] don't I I feel like you do it keeps you [85:42] moving keeps you like thinking about [85:44] it's like purpose and meaning isn't it [85:46] it's like a there was that that horrible [85:48] disaster with the The Little Submarine [85:52] that imploded horrible thing [85:55] and I was reading about it and like the [85:56] people that that go on these deep sea [86:00] excursions are typically like [86:02] billionaires it's people that literally [86:04] have every resource known toand you can [86:07] do basically anything you want within [86:09] reason and it's like they can't figure [86:12] out what to do now because everything [86:14] like to us if it's like hey do do you [86:16] want to go buy a hundred million doll [86:17] yacht today like we can't do that like I [86:19] can't I can't go buy aund maybe you [86:21] can't I I can't buy $100 million but [86:23] it's like [86:24] imagine being we it's very difficult to [86:26] do this I'm sure billionaires could tell [86:28] us if you could buy anything it's like [86:31] suddenly everything loses its value at [86:33] least the things you can buy it's only [86:35] valuable to us because we can't have it [86:37] you know it's like I can get this nice [86:39] of a car but I know I can't get a [86:40] McLaren yeah but that's what makes this [86:42] one special because I can't afford this [86:44] one but it's like the billionaires it's [86:47] like oh well all I can do is like [86:48] adrenaline now because it's money [86:51] doesn't put a so it's it's I've sort of [86:53] reached a point not b millionaire status [86:54] even close but it's like it's hard to to [86:57] figure out what I even want to do [86:59] besides knowing Wife and Kids is like a [87:02] really big thing for me uh it stems [87:05] literally from nearly dying in [87:06] Afghanistan like really cherishing the [87:07] fact that I have a family um but it's [87:10] like I also cherish what I have here [87:12] with ball and Studios I just I'm waiting [87:13] for the next big sort of unchecked box [87:16] to to appear what's your journey like [87:19] been with your own mental health because [87:21] you talked about PTSD um you talked [87:23] about [87:25] becoming a bit of an alcoholic as well [87:26] at one point what's that Journey been [87:28] like what's what's that sort of overlaid [87:30] across your story yeah I uh I've really [87:33] struggled with my mental health uh in [87:36] particular kind of like in the from [87:39] military service was a big part of it [87:42] I when I was medically retired so 2014 I [87:45] get hurt in Afghanistan I really didn't [87:49] I thought I dealt with it because you [87:50] have to go see a therapist and stuff [87:52] post deployments you go you go speak to [87:54] somebody but I sort of was just sort of [87:56] playing the game to get through it cuz I [87:58] just wanted to deploy again and be a [87:59] part of the team again um it wasn't [88:02] until later on that I actually so I I [88:05] deployed a second time and I went to to [88:07] South America um and I remember not [88:10] giving much thought to the deployment [88:12] before I got there I remember thinking [88:13] like compared to going to Afghanistan [88:15] we're going to South America to like sit [88:17] in a in like a nice house literally in a [88:20] beautiful part of South America and like [88:22] train [88:24] Peruvian military forces like it's not a [88:26] combat deployment this is like you're [88:28] deploying and you're living there but [88:30] you're just sort of like a teacher [88:31] that's the gist and and that's that's an [88:33] amazing thing to do but it's definitely [88:35] not combat but as a result I really [88:38] didn't like mentally prepare myself for [88:41] what it would be like to be in Peru and [88:44] if you don't know this like Peru is a [88:46] totally Spanish-speaking country it's [88:49] very at least where we were there was [88:50] very little English like very very [88:52] little and so I remember I I I had to go [88:55] late to Peru so my team had gone the the [88:57] group of us that was deploying there [88:58] they went early to Peru and I went like [89:01] a week later and it meant that I had to [89:03] fly into the airport in Peru by myself [89:06] and I had to like navigate the airport [89:08] and and and I I speak a little Spanish [89:10] like barely conversational and I didn't [89:13] take it seriously at all they gave us [89:15] Spanish coures I blew it off and I [89:17] remember I got to Peru and it was like [89:20] oh my God like as soon as I landed and I [89:22] look around and no one speaks English [89:24] I'm trying to figure out where to go [89:25] everything's in Spanish I can't find my [89:27] ride my ride by the way is a local who [89:29] speaks Spanish doesn't know what I look [89:31] like and it was and and my bag got stuck [89:34] and they were trying to figure out what [89:35] was in my bag but I don't speak their it [89:37] was so stressful and then I finally get [89:39] in the vehicle to get brought to our our [89:42] house we were at but to get there it [89:43] required driving through like a true [89:46] like slum like a very very unsafe place [89:50] and I remember thinking like I am in a [89:53] totally foreign country I'm so far from [89:56] my family and I'm going to be here for 6 [89:57] months which is not long by you know [89:59] deployment standards that's that's a [90:01] long time to be away and it was like I [90:04] didn't put any thought into this I can't [90:06] believe I'm going to be here it like I [90:08] had suddenly I felt like I was in [90:10] Afghanistan again a little bit I [90:12] struggled so so bad on that deployment [90:15] with just being sane like I was so [90:19] miserable there there was like to the [90:22] point where I was borderline having [90:23] delusions I was so depressed I can't [90:25] even describe it I had this recurring [90:27] dream where I'd be lying on my bed and [90:30] and it's also it's always moist in Peru [90:32] like it's everything's wet like no [90:34] matter what like your your sheets are [90:36] wet your clothes are wet it's like a [90:37] very humid environment and I'm like [90:39] laying in my bed I don't have a fan it's [90:41] like humid in this crappy little room [90:43] and outside it you just hear the chaos [90:45] of like the Peruvian [90:46] streets and I would like fall asleep and [90:49] I'd have this dream that I was in Russia [90:51] standing on the corner of this like [90:53] Embassy or some some federal building [90:56] and somebody would come out of a car and [90:58] like grab me and and like hijack me and [91:00] like take me hostage but it was like [91:02] over and over again I had this dream to [91:04] the point where I began to believe I was [91:06] losing my mind that like how can I have [91:08] the same dream i' like wake up in a in a [91:10] in a in a panic I missed my wife so [91:13] terribly she was pregnant with our first [91:15] child it was awful it was like the worst [91:18] time of my life and it's hard to even [91:20] even now to put it into words it was [91:22] just like I had bordering on like a [91:24] mental collapse and it was in part [91:26] because I just didn't appreciate the [91:28] fact that like you're going to another [91:30] part of the world where everything is [91:31] different and I also sort of began to [91:34] confront I guess my demons from the the [91:36] playment to Afghanistan there were just [91:38] some things that I that we did that I [91:40] did that were not necessarily wrong or [91:44] like illegal at all but just like it's [91:47] war and war is like this horrible thing [91:49] and seeing it up [91:51] close man it's it's just it's rough you [91:54] know and at the time you're you're so [91:57] conditioned to not only see war and be [92:00] okay with it but to practically Revel in [92:02] it because how else do you get young men [92:04] to keep going to war and keep fighting [92:06] and dying you need men and women but it [92:10] was like I yeah it was it was like I had [92:12] like a breakdown like a mental sort of [92:15] questioning why am I in the military you [92:17] know questioning who I [92:19] was and so I ended up getting medically [92:21] retired and it was not really from from [92:23] Peru at all it was more like I was so [92:26] unhappy I came back from Peru and I just [92:29] detested the fact that I was in the [92:31] military I I didn't feel like it was the [92:33] place for me I also was physically [92:35] injured I was dealing with the [92:37] injuries and I ended up getting [92:40] medically retired but it was my choice [92:42] if I wanted to continue to see a [92:44] therapist after I got out and at first I [92:46] didn't at first when I got out at when I [92:48] got medically retired I just was like [92:50] whatever I'm done I'm on my own but I [92:52] was so angry all the time like just [92:55] everything made me mad I was so like on [92:58] edge not even like jumpy but just I was [93:00] just like so high strung and it got to [93:03] the point where like nobody wanted to be [93:04] around me like my kids didn't want to be [93:06] around me my wife didn't want to be [93:07] around me and ultimately they were like [93:11] I think you need to see somebody and I [93:12] was like you know what I think I do too [93:14] like I feel like I'm a mess and it was [93:16] through therapy that I this is like 2018 [93:19] or so that I realized I had some very [93:22] deep-seated issues with myself with my [93:24] service with just stuff I saw and did [93:27] and it was only when I began to sort of [93:30] openly talk about those things that I [93:32] actually began to sort of forgive myself [93:35] and begin to feel content like con uh [93:38] what's the word content again you know [93:40] it's not about like therapy is not meant [93:43] to make you forget stuff it's to it's to [93:44] give you perspective that you didn't [93:46] have and I just I think I had fallen [93:48] into a cycle of like just detesting who [93:50] I was [93:51] and why [93:55] I think that it was like ultimately if I [93:57] would to boil it down to its simplest [93:59] part it's like I wanted to be a Navy [94:02] Seal in part because I just wanted to go [94:04] through the training I wanted to serve [94:06] in the military but I didn't really [94:07] think that hard about that it was mostly [94:10] like I want to serve because it's an [94:11] honorable thing and I know people that [94:12] have done it and and that's something [94:13] that means something to me but it was [94:16] really the draw to be a seal that was [94:18] the challenge that I saw that's the [94:20] thing it's going to take years to do it [94:21] it's like this really hard thing it was [94:24] like the idea of even contemplating what [94:25] life would be like as a seal felt like [94:28] even cart before the horse it's like who [94:30] do you think you are thinking about what [94:32] it's going to be like to be a seal like [94:33] if you ever get there you'll figure it [94:35] out and this is actually a I think it's [94:37] a relatively common phenomenon that the [94:39] the people that become seals it's almost [94:42] surprising like you become a seal and [94:44] you're like wait a minute like now I'm [94:46] going to be a Navy SEAL which sounds [94:47] goofy but it's years to get to that [94:50] point and all the way up until the end [94:51] to to a degree you can not make it you [94:54] can like fail out and so you finally [94:56] become a seal and you realize like the [94:59] reality of the job and I and I say this [95:01] not because I have deep exposure to this [95:03] but because it's just true which is in [95:06] this job people die and you kill people [95:10] like that's kind of the gist of the job [95:12] there's way more to it than that but [95:13] it's it's like a that's the job guys [95:15] like why do why do you think they make [95:17] video games and movies about it and I [95:20] think that there's a a mental [95:22] conditioning to being able to do that [95:24] job that comes from training and frankly [95:27] it's it's a remarkable thing that [95:28] they're able to create this this system [95:31] that creates really capable Warf [95:34] Fighters because that's how you protect [95:35] your country that's how you go out and [95:36] and do what you got to do but when you [95:39] come out of that when you sort of what's [95:41] the word it's almost like when you it's [95:43] like you enter this this Matrix of [95:45] thinking when you go through training [95:47] and you become like willing and able to [95:49] to to fight Wars basically but when you [95:52] begin to fracture and you begin to sort [95:55] of realize that you want to do something [95:56] else with your life you have to like [95:59] kind of come to terms with what you have [96:01] been doing and the way you've been [96:03] thinking about it you begin to view who [96:05] you were as a seal as a person you don't [96:09] for me only I was not proud of the [96:11] person I had become I had sort of really [96:13] leaned into being as aggressive and as [96:17] like you know like Alpha as I possibly [96:19] could be not with my teammates but just [96:21] in doing the job that I had sort of [96:24] drifted down a path that I wasn't very [96:26] proud of and I think that realizing that [96:30] this wasn't a fit for me like being in [96:32] the seals even though I got medically [96:33] retired I think I realized it wasn't a [96:35] fit for me and I would have gotten out [96:37] whether or not I was medically retired [96:39] it was really difficult to cope with [96:40] that loss of identity you still have [96:42] those [96:43] demons yeah but I go to therapy for them [96:47] and shout out to Vinnie shoran who [96:49] actually he's based in the UK uh he's my [96:51] therapist uh he's awesome we haven't [96:53] really delved too deeply into the [96:54] military stuff but yeah I think that [96:57] it's it's something that will always be [96:59] with me I certainly when I think about [97:01] having served I'm very proud and I'm [97:03] proud to have been I'm a veteran now and [97:06] I the people I worked with were [97:07] incredible even the people that hate me [97:08] now like it doesn't mean I think any [97:10] less of them there there's there are [97:11] incredible people in the military I [97:13] think that I just sort of it wasn't a [97:16] fit for me it was like I I I thought the [97:18] military was but it was the seal thing [97:20] that Drew me in and in many ways this is [97:22] going to sound weird but but I was sort [97:23] of lucky enough uh to get to deploy to [97:28] Afghanistan and actually have a combat [97:30] deployment because many people what [97:31] happens is they go to like a war [97:34] fighting unit like a special operations [97:35] unit and then they never see combat and [97:38] it's not because they made any decision [97:39] it's just the way it goes and those [97:41] people it's sort of like they have this [97:43] unchecked box yeah but it's not their [97:45] decision and so in a way I was given [97:47] this gift that sounds horrible to say it [97:49] that way but I don't know how else to [97:50] say it of getting to sort of do the job [97:52] in real life [97:54] but there are sort of like and to [97:56] anybody who's listening that's done [97:57] multiple deployments like look at look [97:59] at this guy like I don't claim to have [98:01] like oh I've done 87 deployments and [98:02] this is my experience it's just from [98:04] like I had one combat tour [98:06] one but it was enough to show me that [98:08] like that isn't what I was cut out to do [98:10] and I think that but I still did those [98:12] things and I still was that person and [98:14] now as a civilian sort of reconciling [98:16] that I'm such a different person now in [98:18] a good way I've taken all the best [98:21] qualities I possibly could and I've [98:22] poured them into this person I'm trying [98:24] to be a good husband and a good dad and [98:26] I'm trying to do all the right things [98:28] but it's like I have this part of me [98:30] that it's just crazy to me that I was [98:32] ever in Navy SEAL it's crazy everybody [98:35] has their demons to some degree whether [98:36] it's you know it's a spectrum of how [98:38] strong those demons can be and how how [98:40] much control they can have over your [98:41] decisions [98:43] um what have you learned about dealing [98:45] with demons that might be of any because [98:47] you've been to therapy lot a lot of [98:49] people haven't um a lot of people maybe [98:51] even haven't arrived at the awareness [98:52] that they they need to go yet what have [98:54] you learned about dealing with demons [98:56] that might be useful to anybody [98:58] listening that uh you can't talk [99:01] yourself out of them it's if you a demon [99:04] to me is something that if you begin to [99:08] have those thoughts and you feel them [99:10] creeping in and you tell yourself stop [99:12] thinking about it I don't want to I [99:13] don't want to deal with that I don't [99:14] want to think about that if you have [99:16] those thoughts in your life that even [99:18] just the slightest beginning of a [99:20] thought about that thing starts to creep [99:22] into your head and your and your [99:24] reaction to it is not now I don't want [99:26] to do this I can't do this right now [99:27] it's all happening in your head if [99:29] that's something that you deal with [99:31] that's a demon it's something that is [99:33] like the uncontrollable thought that [99:35] comes into your head it usually happens [99:37] at the same time of the day or same [99:39] thing that triggers it and if your [99:41] reaction to it is oh my God I can't [99:43] think about this thing like that is a [99:45] demon in your life and you are not going [99:47] to be able at least in my opinion long [99:49] term to Simply convince yourself that [99:52] that's not a demon it is a demon it [99:55] doesn't matter if it's rational or not [99:57] uh for me I have several that sort of [100:00] creep into my life but the only way I [100:02] have found to sort of cope with them is [100:04] to sort of not embrace them because [100:06] that's not what you do is to talk about [100:09] them with someone who it's it's it's [100:11] cathartic to talk about it with a [100:12] therapist but it's even more cathartic [100:14] to almost hear yourself talking about it [100:17] like you actually have for me [100:19] specifically like I have things that [100:21] I've said in therapy that I can't [100:22] believe I'm saying out loud that are so [100:24] like personal and intimate and so tied [100:27] to like deep insecurities and pains in [100:30] my life but it's only in that [100:31] environment with like a a third party [100:33] who's neutral in a private setting that [100:36] these things just come to the surface [100:37] and I'm saying these things and the [100:39] beautiful thing about having a great [100:41] therapist is their whole gig is they're [100:43] they're listening and interpreting and [100:45] providing perspective they're not trying [100:47] to like tell you oh that's that's not a [100:49] thing it's like well have you thought [100:51] about it this way Chu me that perfect t [100:55] one of the things that I think about all [100:57] the time because my life is quite hectic [100:58] and busy is how to manage my energy load [101:01] and as a podcaster you kind of have to [101:03] manage your energy in such a way that [101:04] you can have these articulate [101:05] conversations with experts on subjects [101:07] you don't understand and this is why [101:09] perfect Ted has become so important in [101:10] my life because previously when it came [101:13] to Energy Products I had to make a [101:14] trade-off that I wasn't happy with [101:16] typically if I wanted the energy I had [101:18] to deal with high sugar I had to deal [101:20] with Jitters and crashes that come along [101:22] with a lot of the mainstream Energy [101:23] Products and I also 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I [103:34] didn't see him again but we had like a [103:35] good relationship me and my dad and then [103:38] when I left for the Navy it came after I [103:41] I had found a way to graduate college [103:44] and I was talking about law school a [103:46] little bit and I think my dad he was [103:47] like that's great my son like he turned [103:49] it around he's he's got this this career [103:51] in mind that seems like a really strong [103:53] idea and I sort of sprung it on him and [103:56] my mom and my sis my sisters that I'm [103:59] like actually no when I graduate college [104:00] I'm going to enlist in the Navy and try [104:03] to be a Navy SEAL I hadn't really talked [104:04] about it with them at all I mean I'm [104:06] exaggerating but it was a very quick [104:08] turnaround and I I didn't want to talk [104:11] to them about it because I knew they'd [104:12] say one why will you make it through and [104:15] two why are you doing this and so when I [104:18] began talking about it like right at the [104:20] end of my college career like literally [104:22] I'm getting ready to enlist my dad I [104:26] think he couldn't quite wrap his mind [104:28] around the idea that I really was going [104:30] to do this for for reasons that make [104:32] sense to me now that didn't at the time [104:33] like it's his son if you're successful [104:36] that's not good you're going to be a [104:38] Navy SEAL like going to war if you're [104:40] not successful and you wash out a [104:42] training you're stuck in the N you're [104:43] stuck in the Navy in the sense that you [104:45] don't get to pick another job you kind [104:47] of become needs of the Navy and you have [104:49] to go do like these crappy jobs for like [104:51] four years nobody likes being stuck if [104:52] they they don't have what's called a [104:53] rate it's like your job so it's like [104:56] he's viewing it as both outcomes sort of [104:59] come with big negatives but the way it [105:01] came out to me was he doesn't believe in [105:04] me he doesn't believe I can be a Navy [105:06] SEAL like he thinks I'm not going to [105:08] make it that I'm sure that was not what [105:10] he intended but that's the way I [105:11] interpreted it and it marked like a a [105:14] departure in our relationship in 2010 I [105:16] left for the for boot camp and while he [105:18] and I absolutely maintained some level [105:21] of contact from 20 10 until quite [105:24] literally like a few months ago I barely [105:28] spoke to my dad by choice I had a lot of [105:30] ill will towards him I always just sort [105:32] of felt like he doesn't believe in me he [105:34] also he got remarried and he has and [105:36] he's you know he got remarried as a [105:38] family it just I I had a lot of [105:40] resentment towards him that some was [105:43] founded much of it was not and it sort [105:45] of became something that it never was [105:47] which is I had it in my head that my dad [105:50] doesn't believe in me that really was [105:51] the thought and it actually helped [105:54] Propel me to at times there were there [105:56] were days in Seal training where I I [105:58] would literally think to [105:59] myself if I don't make it I can't even [106:03] fathom what it would be like to face my [106:06] dad who in my head at the time I'm like [106:08] he'd be like told you so like the idea [106:10] of that it made my skin crawl you know [106:13] so it in many ways my relationship with [106:15] my dad it had become sort of negative [106:18] for many years but it it sort of [106:20] maintained a pretty healthy chip on my [106:22] shoulder that pushed me to sort of prove [106:24] him wrong in a sense uh but with [106:27] self-awareness recently like very [106:29] recently through therapy with my boy [106:31] Vinnie shoran uh and through some sort [106:34] of the world lining up he and I sort of [106:37] reconnected uh and we actually had some [106:39] Frank discussions about that and it [106:40] turns out that no my dad just literally [106:43] was worried about his son and felt like [106:45] I didn't like him or love him and we [106:47] sort of drifted and life happens I had [106:50] my life he had his life but we've [106:52] reconnected now and I I'm I'm happy for [106:54] it there's a lot of men that aren't at [106:56] the place yet where they they'll speak [106:58] openly about their demons and how [107:00] they're feeling and their emotions and [107:01] stuff especially I mean people that have [107:02] been in combat and that seen as big [107:04] tough guys right sure what would you say [107:07] to those men that maybe you know because [107:10] we all feel things sure most of us don't [107:13] have the tools to know how to talk about [107:14] it we don't have the the environment [107:16] maybe we don't have friends or Outlets [107:18] where we can talk about it and a lot of [107:20] men don't feel like they can even I was [107:22] one of those men that probably until [107:24] about the last I'd say two years I would [107:27] never tell my partner if I was having a [107:29] bad day if I was feeling bad if I was [107:31] anxious in anyway if I was struggling [107:32] with something I would always try and [107:34] shield everyone from it like I thought [107:35] as a man my job was to just take it yes [107:39] take everything absorb hold but what I [107:42] came to learn is that it is coming out [107:45] yeah but in with unintended consequences [107:48] in in unexpected ways it's coming out [107:50] somewhere maybe in my mood um maybe in [107:53] my health maybe in my habits um maybe in [107:56] my search for quick fixes of dopamine [107:58] it's going to come out so I ran the [108:00] experiment one day of just like sitting [108:02] my partner down and saying look I'm I [108:03] haven't been honest with you this is how [108:05] I feel and this is what's happened this [108:07] is what I'm going through yeah and it [108:08] was such [108:11] a important pivotal experiment in my [108:13] life because see that you know what I [108:15] mean yeah I do so I'm just wondering [108:17] what Journey you've been on with opening [108:18] up I think that taking men specifically [108:21] as an example [108:24] you sort of have like the the societ the [108:27] these socially acceptable things that [108:30] can be demons for you that maybe we [108:33] don't talk about them but if you did no [108:35] one's really going to bat an ey like [108:37] turns out I hate my job and you know it [108:40] turns out I I I don't love my partner [108:43] okay these are bad things but they're [108:45] things that if you brought them up no [108:46] one's going to question your manhood [108:48] they're not going to question you know [108:50] things that that Society views as [108:53] important [108:54] right it's the stuff that is super [108:57] personal to you that's like could be [109:00] potentially embarrassing those are the [109:02] things that are your real demons I'm not [109:05] saying those other things aren't demons [109:06] they are they are but if you can't talk [109:09] about those things they will dog you [109:11] your whole life they really will and so [109:14] I think it's not about you need to go [109:15] sign up for therapy and go talk to a [109:18] therapist but I do think that like you [109:21] mentioned it yourself you have to be [109:23] able to sort of like unburden yourself [109:25] and part of that is is simply talking [109:27] about it like uh I had one this is not [109:30] really a demon but to give people a [109:32] sense who are watching this of like how [109:33] comfortable I am being forward about [109:35] things that I struggle with so oddly [109:38] enough one of the reasons that I was [109:39] also drawn to the military believe it or [109:41] not was I struggle mightily to urinate [109:45] in front of other people just publicly [109:47] going to the bathroom in front of other [109:49] people it's not like it's destroying my [109:51] life but it's uncomfortable like it's [109:53] easier for me if I'm alone right I knew [109:56] this about myself at a young age don't [109:57] have a reason for it but like I knew [110:00] when I was like in high school or like [110:01] in college like I would go to a bathroom [110:04] that was Private because that was easier [110:06] for me and as I got older I was like [110:08] that's not really that normal that this [110:10] is happening to me and so part of the [110:12] reason I was interested in the Navy is [110:15] they drug test you and they do it really [110:17] publicly and it was like in order to [110:19] deal with this I have to go into an [110:21] organization that literally will force [110:24] me to have to urinate in front of other [110:26] people but like for me it's sort of like [110:29] facing these things that are hyper [110:31] personal like inability to pee in front [110:33] of other people which you know I've [110:34] overcome but you have to be willing to [110:37] sort of identify those things and in my [110:39] case I talked to my wife about it before [110:40] I joined the Navy and she's like okay I [110:42] talked to my therapist about it recently [110:44] as well but it's sort of like that's a [110:47] really specific personal thing that if I [110:49] brought that up in in a casual [110:51] conversation I'm sure there are people [110:52] that could actually relate to it but [110:54] most people would be like this a little [110:56] uncomfortable you brought that up but [110:58] like everybody's got stuff that falls [111:00] into that category maybe not [111:02] specifically but you everybody's got [111:04] weird insecurities and they've got [111:06] things that drive their decisions that [111:08] would be to them deeply embarrassing to [111:10] bring up that is the reason you have to [111:13] bring them up because they will they [111:14] will dog you and they will always be [111:16] there until you deal with them and for [111:18] me it's been helpful in cathartic to [111:20] State them out loud and then do [111:22] something about them the other thing [111:23] I've noticed is that when I don't State [111:25] them especially in the context of a [111:26] relationship [111:28] is you live misunderstood yeah that's [111:31] true so like let's play out the scenario [111:34] that in you struggle to urinate in front [111:36] of other people your M your wife might [111:38] always start to wonder why you don't [111:40] want to go to certain places or when [111:42] you're in those places you're acting [111:43] strange she'll misunderstand that is [111:45] maybe he's X Y and Z and then you're [111:48] dealing with a problem you're dealing [111:50] with another set of problem he's like [111:51] he's cheating on me no no it's like [111:54] actually it was just we didn't have an [111:55] environment a safe space where we could [111:57] talk about the actual issue so I've [111:58] created like five other issues and I [112:00] have that in my life where I'm like Fu [112:02] if I just told the truth it's a shame [112:04] that sometimes I have to get to the like [112:06] bust up moment turn around and say [112:08] you've got this totally wrong and the [112:10] reason why you've got this totally wrong [112:11] is because I didn't tell you the truth [112:14] yeah and it's LED you off down a path [112:16] which is really unfortunate it's caused [112:17] us more hurt than me just being honest [112:18] with you yeah but it's I'm not saying [112:20] it's going to be easy I think um [112:23] like many of the things you've described [112:24] in your story first you have to just [112:25] take one step in that direction I'm not [112:27] saying like pull your partner in and [112:28] like offload or offload with therapist [112:29] today it's just you have to run the [112:31] experiment yeah to build the evidence [112:33] and have it compound and go actually [112:35] this is a better life than secrecy [112:37] keeping everything to yourself you you [112:39] know there's some when I interview [112:40] people there's always questions I know [112:42] that they get asked all the time yeah [112:44] and I'm like do I ask him the question [112:46] that I know he probably gets asked all [112:47] the time but you're so good at telling [112:50] stories yeah you really really are great [112:52] at telling thank um so there's really [112:54] two questions I wanted to end with I [112:55] guess we we've got a couple of minutes [112:57] but sure the first question is to be a [112:59] great Storyteller and we're all telling [113:01] stories whether we know it or not yep is [113:03] there any principles that you've come to [113:05] learn that you could give me to tell [113:07] better stories yeah uh so I would say [113:11] Obviously the medium by which you're [113:12] telling the story matters but if we're [113:14] talking about literally speaking a story [113:17] telling a story and assuming you have [113:18] people listening to that story right in [113:20] front of you which is the a medium by [113:22] which many of us tell stories telling [113:23] our friends telling our family [113:25] members to tell a really good story it [113:28] has less to do with the content of the [113:29] story and more to do with the delivery [113:32] of that story when I told you the deot [113:35] past story I was fully committed to [113:37] telling you that story I didn't care if [113:39] you thought it was interesting or not I [113:40] I thought it was interesting enough that [113:42] I was going to give you my hand gestures [113:44] I'm like gonna make sure I harp on the [113:46] details that I find really interesting [113:48] but it's like a level of commitment to [113:50] telling that story like that's the key [113:53] it's commit to be like you have to be in [113:55] the story and like for example when I'm [113:58] uh when I did the live tour like that's [113:59] the purest form of you're either going [114:01] to be awkward up there and like get [114:03] through it or you're going to [ __ ] [114:04] own the story be in the stories and tell [114:07] it to those people right there and [114:09] they're going to hear what I want to [114:10] tell them so it's like the delivery it's [114:12] not just practice and get your words [114:14] right hardly I dude I don't even use a [114:15] script when I tell stories I look at the [114:18] story I learn the story I internalize [114:20] the story and then I inhabit the story [114:22] and when I tell you the story it should [114:24] almost feel like I was there like that [114:26] is the level of commitment you need and [114:28] I would say also like with regards to [114:30] General storytelling it really is true [114:32] that it has less to do with like [114:34] finessing the language so it's perfect [114:36] or getting your script exactly right [114:39] it's like I would say when it comes to [114:41] most stories you you need to make sure [114:44] there's some sort of payoff at the end [114:45] of the story which is sort of like [114:46] storytelling 101 but if you look at the [114:49] way newspapers structure stories for [114:51] those who maybe don't read the new [114:52] newspaper or generally here here's how [114:54] it [114:55] goes this thing happened and now I'm [114:58] going to tell you the details of what [114:59] that thing is and how it happened right [115:01] that that's not good storytelling that's [115:03] that's great for getting information [115:05] across but all too often if you look on [115:08] like YouTube or if you look at other [115:09] people who tell like you know mysteries [115:11] for example sometimes in their their [115:13] header it'll be like you know crazy like [115:16] golden you know skeleton found in cave [115:19] in Russia and like actually that's [115:21] pretty compelling Maybe maybe I'd read [115:23] that but it's like you Suzanne murdered [115:25] you know in in London like and then you [115:27] click on it till they find out what [115:28] happened but it's like you don't want [115:30] your audience to already in certain in [115:32] certain cases you don't necessarily want [115:34] your audience to know where the story is [115:36] going they might have a very strong [115:38] inclination that Suzanne's going to get [115:40] killed at the end of the story or [115:41] there's going to be a gold skeleton [115:42] found in Russia but being a Storyteller [115:45] your job is to keep people invested and [115:48] to build tension and to get them like [115:50] ready for the payoff that the end any [115:53] story can have a Twist at the end it it [115:55] depends on how you tell it like it isn't [115:57] like some stories have payoffs and some [115:59] don't absolutely not you can use point [116:00] of view you can you can inhabit aspects [116:03] of the story that give different lenses [116:04] into the story but own the story when [116:07] you tell it and ensure that there's some [116:10] type of payoff at the end whatever it is [116:12] like when I told you the de law past [116:13] story like ultimately the goal is to get [116:15] you to see the wow all these conflicting [116:17] things there's pictures of this and that [116:19] but the Russian government set an [116:21] unknown uh unnatural force is [116:24] responsible and then close the case the [116:26] whole point of that is to say all these [116:28] crazy things that are objective they [116:30] objectively happened that we have data [116:33] we have pictures we have all these [116:34] things i' I've demonstrated that to [116:36] you and clearly something's wrong and [116:40] they sealed the case and no one could [116:41] look into it the whole point is to make [116:43] you think what is going on over there [116:45] but if I had said guess what there's [116:46] this case that's sealed and and no one [116:48] will look into it here's what happened [116:50] it's the same story but I've opened with [116:52] the reveal you got to do it the other [116:54] way so pay off at the end and own and [116:56] own the storytelling aspect of it I'll [116:58] go and tell people to check it out on [116:59] your channel but is there a particular [117:01] story on your channel that is this was [117:02] the cliche question um that is your [117:04] favorite oh man it's like asking your [117:06] favorite kids right I would say the [117:09] story that I'm the most proud of in [117:12] terms of just how difficult it was to [117:13] piece it together is the the headless [117:16] Valley and it's actually in our graphic [117:17] novel as well um it isn't that it's [117:20] literally the best story but it's a [117:22] story that is a composite of a whole [117:24] bunch of anecdotes over about a hundred [117:26] years there's this I know don't have [117:28] have time but there's this place in [117:30] Canada called the Northwest Territories [117:33] and so it's it's a part of Canada that's [117:35] already very remote and it's just [117:36] Wilderness and forests and there's this [117:38] section called the Northwest Territories [117:40] which is even more remote it's it's as [117:42] big as Germany but Germany has like 50 [117:44] million residents and this has like [117:45] 50,000 people there so it's like no one [117:47] lives there and within the Northwest [117:49] Territories there's this Valley this [117:51] like River that cuts through this [117:53] beautiful Valley called the nahani [117:54] valley which has been now dubbed The [117:56] Headless Valley because over the course [117:58] of like a hundred years all these people [118:01] who have gone into this Valley have [118:02] turned up headless they've been but like [118:04] in the most bizarre ways and you and [118:06] also you can't really get into this [118:08] Valley it's very difficult to do you [118:09] can't fly there you can't hike there you [118:11] have to either take a boat upstream and [118:13] literally carry a boat up a couple [118:15] waterfalls and then continue going [118:16] upstream or there is an Overland hike [118:19] but it's like 70 miles of treacherous [118:21] terrain so it's like really hard to get [118:23] there it's totally remote and the only [118:25] other people that ever lived there were [118:26] the the nahani tribe and they one day [118:30] somebody was actually there on a Hunting [118:31] Expedition they noticed that the Nani [118:33] tribe which made up like hundreds of [118:35] people they were camped out along this [118:36] this River they disappeared overnight [118:39] and literally nobody knows what happened [118:40] to them they left behind their all their [118:42] equipment all their their housing it's [118:44] all it was left they just vanished no [118:46] one knows what happened to them and [118:47] there's rumors of like white white [118:49] creatures wandering the woods uh but I [118:51] took like seven or eight anecdotes [118:54] chronologically and pieced them all [118:56] together and created what in my opinion [118:58] is the most comprehensive Narrative of [119:01] what could be happening in the Headless [119:04] Valley and I'm very proud of the way it [119:05] was written and put together and it's in [119:06] it's the first story in the graphic [119:08] novel as well we have a closing [119:10] tradition on this podcast where the last [119:11] guest leaves a question for the next not [119:12] knowing who they're leaving it for and [119:14] the question left for you is what do you [119:16] see as the most desirable future for the [119:18] New Media podcast world I would say that [119:21] what I love about the podcast space that [119:25] I hope continues is that it is not [119:28] corporate in the sense that it's totally [119:30] like uh anybody can start a podcast [119:34] we're seeing so many podcasts but it's [119:36] it's like podcast rise based on the [119:40] Merit of those shows versus uh like [119:44] there's not a lot of corporate pushing [119:45] behind podcasts it's sort of like the [119:48] corporations show up and take the [119:50] podcast or try to license podcasts that [119:51] have already sort of made their their [119:53] place but they don't have a lot of [119:54] influence over who or what they do so [119:57] it's like it's this great meritocracy of [119:59] content where the podcasts are growing [120:01] and succeeding based largely on Merit [120:03] and skill and they're covering all these [120:06] topics that are like so far-reaching so [120:08] it's like it just feels sort of [120:10] authentic I know there are plenty of [120:12] corporate podcasts out there too and [120:13] there's nothing wrong with that but I [120:15] hope that podcasting continues to be [120:17] this sort of like how in the world are [120:19] like The Joe Rogan podcast and like you [120:22] know whatever the random podcast you [120:23] want to name like these like Titans of [120:25] industry but it's like it's so random [120:27] but it's like it's like the beautiful [120:29] product of just like human like [120:31] authenticity and willingness to talk [120:33] about stuff I love it I think that it's [120:35] a very authentic place that has not been [120:37] corporatized yet [120:40] amen John thank you so much for [120:42] everything that you do um thank you it's [120:44] really really incredible it's really [120:45] incredible you run a phenomenal media [120:46] company which I don't think people truly [120:48] understand Nick wit's does you and Nick [120:51] Runner phenomenal Media company which I [120:53] think I don't know if people understand [120:55] the scale and size of that Media company [120:57] but it's truly impressive and you have [120:59] this awesome graphic novel yes in the [121:00] graphic novel it's a New York Times [121:02] bestseller uh it's an anthology of Nine [121:05] Stories it's it's beautiful uh and we [121:08] intend to continue making more of them [121:10] so definitely check out the graphic [121:12] novel makes a great holiday gift it is [121:15] absolutely gorgeous the illustrations [121:17] and the all the I think you call them [121:19] illustrations the illustrations are [121:20] phenomenal AB proud of it thank you so [121:22] much for all that you do I'm someone [121:24] that loves is absolutely enthralled by [121:26] all these stories I love mysteries I [121:28] love Unsolved Mysteries and I love True [121:29] Crime so and as we were saying before we [121:31] got recording me and my uh partner when [121:33] she lets me listen to these things in [121:35] bed and it helps me sleep and your [121:36] channel is is by far in way the best at [121:38] this because you're such a gifted [121:40] Storyteller thank and as you've been [121:41] speaking to me today I've been thinking [121:43] Ah that's I've been trying to piece [121:44] together what makes you so brilliant as [121:45] a Storyteller um I guess it's a long [121:47] journey a family influence and generally [121:49] probably you know the experience that [121:51] you've had so thank you for what you do [121:52] thank you for your time today as well [121:53] and it's been an honor to learn about [121:55] your story of reinvention but also to [121:56] hear some of these stories which by the [121:57] way I need to go and figure out this [121:59] [ __ ] what's it called dein pass the [122:00] deav pass the diatlov pass pretty well [122:04] thank you and it's an honor to be on [122:05] your show really thank you so much for [122:06] having me I appreciate [122:08] you I'm going to let you into a little [122:10] bit of a secret you're probably going to [122:11] think me and my team are a little bit [122:12] weird but I can still remember to this [122:14] day when Jima from my team posted on [122:16] slack that she changed the scent in this [122:18] studio and right after she posted it the [122:20] entire office clapped in our slack [122:22] Channel and this might sound crazy but [122:24] at the diary ofo this is the type of 1% [122:26] Improvement we make on our show and that [122:28] is why the show is the Way It Is by [122:30] understanding the power of compounding [122:32] 1% you can absolutely change your [122:35] outcomes in your life it isn't about [122:37] drastic Transformations or quick wins [122:39] it's about the small consistent actions [122:43] that have a lasting change in your [122:44] outcomes so two years ago we started the [122:47] process of creating this beautiful diary [122:49] and it's truly beautiful inside there's [122:50] lots of pictures lots of inspiration and [122:52] motivation as well some interactive [122:55] elements and the purpose of this diary [122:56] is to help you identify stay focused on [123:00] develop consistency with the 1% that [123:03] will ultimately change your life we're [123:04] only going to do a limited run of these [123:06] Diaries so if you want one for yourself [123:07] or for a friend or for a colleague or [123:09] for your team then head to the diary.com [123:11] right now I'll link it below [123:15] [Music] [123:22] ah [123:26] [Music]