Mentalist Pearlman Details Behavioral Heuristics, Mindset Shifts to Influence People
The Diary Of A CEO
Applying systematic behavioral reading and structured social habits creates immediate trust while bypassing innate human rejection responses in business and daily life.
## Background
This video was published on YouTube by the channel The Diary Of A CEO on October 23, 2025. According to the page description, world-renowned mentalist Oz Pearlman shares psychological secrets, body language cues, memory hacks, and mindset strategies for reading people, building trust, and detecting lies.
## TL;DR
In this interview with Steven Bartlett, mentalist Oz Pearlman explains that true mind reading is an illusion based on active listening, establishing behavioral benchmarks, and observing micro-details. He shares practical communication tools, such as overcoming the fear of rejection with angle-based approaches, mastering memory through deliberate focus, and using non-judgmental active listening to make others feel valued. Throughout the conversation, Pearlman demonstrates these techniques in real time by accurately guessing personal details and names from Bartlett's mind, while emphasizing that true success comes from genuine connection and obsession with one's craft.
## Atmosphere & style
The episode balances an atmosphere of intense psychological intrigue with warm, vulnerable conversation. The dynamic between Bartlett and Pearlman is captivating and collaborative, shifting seamlessly between high-energy mind-reading demonstrations and introspective discussions on ambition, rejection, and family. Watching the conversation feels like witnessing a masterclass in human connection, where astonishing moments of magic serve as tangible proof of deep active listening.
## Key takeaways
- [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) True mind reading is impossible, but reading people through micro-cues, behavioral heuristics, and psychological suggestion is a learnable skill.
- [05:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=325s) Approaching people at a slight angle instead of head-on lowers their evolutionary predator-defense response.
- [13:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=827s) Accurately detecting lies requires establishing a person's benchmark behavior under normal conditions rather than relying on isolated body language cues.
- [16:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=984s) Successful pitches focus entirely on the listener's needs and problems rather than self-centered promotion.
- [18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1120s) Taking immediate notes on personal details after interactions allows you to make people feel deeply valued when recalled later.
- [32:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1978s) Confidence is built by facing discomfort, and procrastination can be defeated by evaluating how little dread you will feel 24 hours after completing a task.
- [42:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2557s) In social interactions, turned-off autopilot questions open up meaningful conversations far better than standard pleasantries.
- [46:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2800s) When making a mistake during a presentation, keeping expectations flexible prevents the audience from perceiving it as a failure.
- [50:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3026s) Remembering names requires active focus using the 'Lather, Rinse, Repeat' formula: Listen, Repeat, and Attach a Mental Hook.
- [57:33](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3453s) Narrative storytelling shapes malleable human memory, controlling what people remember or forget about an event.
- [01:03:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3788s) Peak performance and mastery across disciplines are driven by deep, unglamorous behind-the-scenes obsession.
- [01:07:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4035s) Anchoring self-worth to internal targets and physical challenges protects against the volatility of external metrics like fame or money.
- [01:15:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4500s) Creating moments of awe and wonder helps adults break out of cynicism and reconnect with a sense of possibility.
## Detailed walkthrough
### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) Mind Reading vs. Reading People
Mentalist Oz Pearlman opens with a bold premise: he has spent three decades reverse-engineering the human mind to teach people how to understand what others are thinking, whether someone is telling the truth, and how to build instant trust. He clarifies the core philosophy behind his work: actual mind reading is impossible, but reading *people*—through subtle nuances, behavioral heuristics, and psychological suggestion—is a learnable skill that creates massive advantages in life and business.
To set the stage for the conversation, Pearlman hands host Steven Bartlett a folded piece of white card stock, instructing him not to open it until the very end of the podcast. He calls it an "offer" and "your future," placing it under Bartlett's mug in full view of the camera to ensure there is no trickery. Addressing viewers who might wonder why they should care, Pearlman asserts that the habits and psychological secrets he shares apply directly to negotiating raises, going on dates, eliminating the fear of rejection, and building confidence.
- **The Folded Paper**: Pearlman places a mystery prediction card directly under Bartlett's mug, promising a life-changing reveal at the end of the show.
- **Mind Reading Myth**: "My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds, but here is the honest truth. It's impossible. But, I read people through small, minute details."
---
[05:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=325s) The Psychology of Approach and Overcoming Rejection
Reflecting on his early days as a 14-year-old walking into restaurants to pitch himself for tableside magic gigs, Pearlman breaks down how he mastered human approach dynamics. The primary barrier to success in sales, dating, and ambition is the fear of rejection. To bypass people's natural defenses, he engineered specific approach techniques based on evolutionary biology and cognitive heuristics.
He explains that approaching someone directly head-on with two eyes visible triggers an ancient predator response rooted in survival instincts. By turning slightly at an angle and approaching with one eye primary, he reduces perceived danger and puts people at ease. Furthermore, to overcome the immediate mental objections people form—such as "How long will this take?", "Does management know he's here?", or "Am I expected to pay/tip?"—he developed a 10-second opening script designed to open a "positive curiosity gap" without offering a simple "yes/no" rejection point.
- **Two Eyes vs. One Eye**: Direct head-on approach signals predator behavior; approaching at a slight angle presents "one eye" and lowers instinctual defenses.
- **The High-Value Opening Script**: Instead of asking "Do you want to see magic?" (which invites a quick "No"), Pearlman would ask open-ended, high-dopamine questions like, "Did you hear why it's your lucky night?"
- **Establishing Social Proof**: He would explain that the restaurant owner brought him in as a special treat, simultaneously solving three mental hurdles: authority endorsement, free cost, and immediate high value.
---
[10:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=630s) The Invisible Deck Demonstration
To illustrate how he reads micro-cues and guides human choice, Pearlman asks Bartlett to participate in an exercise using a real deck of cards Bartlett brought himself. Pearlman refuses to touch Bartlett's physical deck, noting that touching cards flips a cognitive switch in the subject's brain that says "this is a magician's trick." Instead, he asks Bartlett to put his real cards away and imagine an invisible deck in front of him.
Bartlett is asked to visually spread the invisible deck face down, reach down, pick a card at random, look at it, and close his eyes. Pearlman then takes a single card out of Bartlett's physical deck and places it face down into Bartlett's closed hand, instructing him to keep his eyes closed. When Pearlman asks Bartlett to name the invisible card he picked in his head, Bartlett answers, "The three of diamonds." Upon opening his eyes and turning over the physical card placed in his hand, it is revealed to be the exact same card: the Three of Diamonds.
- **Eliminating Sleight of Hand**: Pearlman intentionally avoids touching the physical deck during the selection process to prove the demonstration relies on psychological narrowing rather than physical trickery.
- **The Reveal**: Bartlett selects the Three of Diamonds entirely in his imagination; the single card placed in his hand matches his exact mental choice.
- **Narrowing Options**: Pearlman explains that the secret relies on taking a vast array of possibilities and methodically funneling the subject down through subconscious suggestions and micro-responses.
---
[13:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=827s) Reading Lying and Establishing Benchmarks
Moving into practical applications for reading people in daily life, Bartlett asks how an observer can spot lies or determine genuine interest during professional or personal interactions. Pearlman highlights that while people often look for visual "tells"—such as eyebrow twitches, arm flexing, or eye direction—single body language cues can easily be misinterpreted without baseline context.
To accurately detect deception or intent, one must first establish a person's "benchmarks"—their natural baseline behavior when they are relaxed, comfortable, and telling the truth. By observing how someone speaks, moves, and reacts under normal conditions, any deviation from that baseline becomes an immediate indicator of discomfort, tension, or dishonesty.
- **Core Questions**: People primarily want to know two things in interactions: "Is someone interested?" and "Is someone lying?"
- **The Benchmark Method**: Truth-detection requires establishing a baseline of normal behavior before evaluating shifts or anomalies.
[14:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=848s) The Benchmarks of Honesty and Trusting Your Gut
Most people we cross paths with in our lives are not part of brief, one-off transactions; we see them repeatedly. This regular observation is exactly how we can learn to detect when they are lying. Oz Pearlman explains that the mechanism behind a polygraph machine relies entirely on establishing a subject's baseline beforehand. The operator asks simple, honest questions first—such as confirming a name like Steven Bartlett—to see what truthfulness looks like on their physiological indicators, and then asks for an intentional lie to compare the two states.
At home, anyone can practice observing these baseline behaviors by watching how many details a person naturally inserts into a story, noting their cadence, and tracking how they speak. Over time, recurring observation reveals the distinct differences in what they do when telling a white lie versus telling the truth. Pearlman urges people to trust their instincts more, suggesting that humans have actually unlearned good habits as they grew up.
> "When you're two, three, four, you know if your sibling's lying to you. You know if people are lying to you very well... there's an instinct involved that I think is akin to when I play ping pong. I can't think about my shot. I just do the shot."
When performing, Pearlman enters a state of hyper-focus where he is constantly watching for giveaways while simultaneously using misdirection to guide the participant exactly where he wants them. However, he clarifies that he does not maintain this level of intense reading in every moment of his day-to-day life because doing so would be utterly exhausting.
---
[16:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=984s) Channeling Your Inner Mentalist: The Art of the Pitch
When Steven poses a hypothetical scenario of a marketing agency owner pitching a campaign to a CEO, Pearlman shares his number one rule for successful persuasion: "channeling your inner mentalist." The fundamental secret is recognizing that the pitch is never about you; it is always entirely about them. Pearlman illustrates this with his own career, pointing out that he has appeared dozens of times on CNBC—a serious financial network where the number of other magicians or mentalists to ever appear is zero. He gets invited back because he completely tailors his presentations to the viewers, focusing on stocks, bonds, dividends, and interest rates rather than making a generic card trick about himself. Similarly, when he enters a room of football players, the entire performance structure shifts to football.
To make an impactful pitch, presenters must move away from self-centered, "me-oriented" language that focuses on how great they or their products are. Instead, they need to adopt benefits-oriented language that addresses the client's status quo, identifies what they are missing, and aims to make their life easier.
* **Listen Actively:** Pay close attention to the consumer, client, or audience because they will naturally reveal their precise needs.
* **Identify Resistance:** Uncover the client's specific moments of resistance—the core anxieties holding them back from saying yes.
* **Anticipate Rebuttals:** Preemptively check off their concerns, such as guaranteeing there will be zero downtime during a platform migration, before they even have to ask.
---
[18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1120s) The Power of Information and the Paradox of Small Things
Pearlman takes the practice of preparation to an extreme level by writing down everything. Dedicated to a practice he details in his book, he captures notes immediately following every single interaction and show. Even while riding in an Uber or sitting in a hotel room right after a meet-and-greet, he furiously writes down the names of everyone he met, specific details they shared, and the exact sequence of tricks he performed while the memory is entirely fresh.
Information is ultimate power because human beings are fundamentally the stars of their own movies, viewing everyone else as the supporting cast. Remembering personal details makes people feel deeply valued.
> "Last night I met somebody, she has two children. They're three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star... she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn't vanish to me."
Re-introducing those details a month, a year, or even a decade later makes people feel like they have won the lottery. Pearlman recounts an instance where he ran into someone whose four-digit ATM PIN code ($6124$) he had guessed during a show three years prior. Because he wrote it down and took a brief moment to review his notes before seeing the man again, he was able to casually tell him, "I sure hope you changed that PIN code." The man was completely blown away. This was not a supernatural memory trick or a magic illusion; it was simply taking the time to review the past data and make someone feel special, creating a lasting memory that the man would talk about for years. Pearlman firmly believes that giving gratuitously to others is what ultimately propels a person to success, as the universe has a way of bouncing that energy right back.
```
[ Step 1: Active Listening ] --> Capture transient personal details during interaction
[ Step 2: Immediate Logging ] --> Write down names, family facts, and events post-meeting
[ Step 3: Pre-Visit Review ] --> Study specific entries before re-encountering the person
[ Step 4: Strategic Recall ] --> Deliver the details naturally to spark a deep connection
```
Steven connects this to a post he made on LinkedIn regarding "the paradox of small things," reflecting on his recent appearance on Jimmy Fallon's show. Fallon had remembered a small, post-podcast tradition that Steven does with his guests and mentioned it to his audience, which brought Steven to tears. This underscored how incredibly rare and shockingly powerful it is when someone remembers a tiny detail about you, simply because most people falsely assume those details are too petty to matter.
---
[23:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1416s) From Wall Street to Mentalism: Taking the Leap
The trajectory of Pearlman's life altered because of a single, offhanded comment made by the Chief Financial Officer of Merrill Lynch, where Pearlman worked on Wall Street. At the time, Pearlman did not even view being a professional magician or mentalist as a viable career option. One day, he performed a sleight-of-hand trick for the CFO, taking five $\$1$ bills and snapping them so they visibly transformed into $\$100$ bills. The Australian CFO laughed and cracked a joke Pearlman had heard a thousand times: "We need you working here, mate." Pearlman broke character slightly and replied, "It's funny, sir. I do work here... at 95 Green at your Global Technology Services Department." The CFO looked at him in shock and asked, "What are you doing working here?"
While that brief moment was likely forgotten by the CFO moments later, it flipped a massive switch in Pearlman's mind. It forced him to look in the mirror, visualize his future, and ask if he wanted to stay on that path forever or take a massive risk on his true passion. Leaving the stability of Wall Street was a monumental leap that caused everyone around him to think he was completely crazy. Mathematically and statistically, the probability of becoming a highly successful, high-earning mentalist is extraordinarily low, with only a small handful of people achieving it globally. Yet, Pearlman bypassed the discouraging statistics by framing his mindset around a single question: "Why not me?"
---
[26:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1571s) The Reading Begins: A Demonstration of Mind Reading
The conversation shifts back to the sheer mechanics of mentalism, which Pearlman states is entirely about understanding human behavior. He notes that his friend Derren Brown is an absolute master of controlling attention and thoughts—deftly misdirecting an audience to look closely at his left hand while the actual trick is executed seamlessly with his right hand. To demonstrate this live, Pearlman initiates a mind-reading game with Steven, instructs him to close his eyes, and asks him to visualize a room filled with various people he deeply respects, some of whom may have been guests on his podcast.
Pearlman guides Steven's imagination through a specific sequence:
1. Imagine getting a tap on the shoulder, turning around, and seeing someone you have 100% met before.
2. Imagine them speaking a sentence that triggers a strong sense of déjà vu and leaves a lasting, impactful impression.
3. Allow that profound thought or moment of clarity to naturally connect your mind to a second, completely different person in your life.
Pearlman then tells Steven to open his eyes and asks him when he last spoke to this second person. When Steven reveals that he actually spoke to them earlier "today," Pearlman leans heavily into the connection, instructing Steven to silently think of their first name and count the number of letters to himself without uttering a single word.
---
* **Podcast Episode Count:** Steven estimates he has hosted roughly 500 episodes of his show by this point in 2026.
* **The Wall Street Trick:** The specific sleight-of-hand routine Pearlman used involved transforming five $\$1$ bills into $\$100$ bills.
* **Historical Corporate Location:** Pearlman's specific assignment at Merrill Lynch was based out of the Global Technology Services Department located at 95 Green Street.
[28:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1695s) Mind-Blowing Name Trick
Oz Pearlman continues his demonstration with host Steven Bartlett, asking him to lock in on a specific name of someone he knows well. By carefully observing Steven's micro-expressions, eye movements, and thought process, Oz systematically narrows down the possibilities. He calls out Steven's natural instinct to overthink the situation as an entrepreneur—avoiding obvious choices like the first letter or common vowels because Steven assumed those would give the game away.
Despite Steven trying to maintain a poker face and denying initial probes, Oz uses those exact rejections to gather information. He writes his final prediction down on a notepad and shows it directly to the camera while asking Steven to keep his eyes closed. When Steven reveals the name he was holding in his head—"Jules"—Oz reveals that he had not only written down the exact name but had also correctly noted how Steven initially thought of an "L" before switching to an "S".
- **Eye Movements & Micro-expressions:** Oz tracks Steven looking "up, up, up, up, up, up" to count the letters in the name.
- **Psychological Deductions:** People tend to avoid picking first letters or vowels when trying to trick a mentalist because they assume it limits the subset too quickly.
Steven takes a brief moment to share an ad for Pipedrive, the CRM tool designed by sales professionals for small to medium-sized businesses. He highlights the pressures of startup sales—oscillating between chasing leads and getting buried in them—and explains how Pipedrive brings absolute clarity to stalled opportunities. He also introduces their AI-driven Prospector tool, which searches over 400 million profiles to connect users directly with verified decision-makers.
- **Special Offer:** Listeners can claim a 30-day free trial by visiting `[pipedrive.com/ceo](https://pipedrive.com/ceo)`.
- **User Base:** Over 100,000 companies currently utilize Pipedrive to organize their sales pipelines.
---
[30:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1850s) Dealing with People Who Are On Edge
Steven asks how Oz handles walking into rooms full of skeptical or guarded people who fear a mentalist might read their minds or guess their bank PINs. Oz explains that his goal is immediate likability, clarifying candidly, "I can't read minds. I'm not psychic." He compares mentalism to natural musical talent: while anyone can practice, not everyone will sing like Harry Styles or Ed Sheeran.
When Steven questions whether eye movements actually play a role or if it's purely a trick, Oz admits that his primary job is misdirection. He uses multiple overlapping methods so that the moment someone thinks they have figured out his trick, he switches lanes. Even if body language only accounts for a fraction of the reveal, the combination of subtle cues and psychological manipulation makes the illusion seamless.
> "My job is to misdirect you and to use multiple methods... so that as soon as you go down a path and you think you got me, I jump to the next lane."
---
[32:58](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1978s) Building Confidence and Overcoming Procrastination
Oz shifts from stage tricks to practical mental habits for everyday life, focusing on building true confidence. Recalling his youth, he shares that he began practicing mentalism at age 14 during his parents' tumultuous divorce as a coping mechanism for trauma and sadness. Confidence, he argues, isn't innate—it is built over time by facing uncomfortable situations.
To help people overcome dread and presentation anxiety, Oz outlines a mental trick to defeat procrastination:
1. **Fast-Forward Your Emotions:** When facing a task you dread (e.g., making a difficult phone call or delivering bad news), ask yourself how you will feel 24 hours *after* it's done.
2. **Set a 24-Hour Alarm:** Write down your current anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10 (usually an 8–10). Set an alarm for the exact same time tomorrow.
3. **Evaluate the Shift:** When the alarm goes off the next day, evaluate your feeling—it almost always drops to a 2 or 3 because the moment has passed.
4. **Action Mindset:** Realizing that the future dread is virtually zero allows you to trick your brain into taking action immediately instead of pushing it off.
Oz also reveals a psychological technique he used early in his career to handle harsh rejection when performing at private events. He created a distinct mental barrier between "Oz the entertainer" and "Oz Pearlman," the actual person. If a table rudely rejected him, he compartmentalized the pain to the performer persona, leaving his true self entirely untouched—much like placing a divider inside a bowl to keep salt from mixing into fresh water.
- **Rejection Dynamic:** Separating personal identity from professional performance eliminates the fear of failure, which Oz considers a true superpower in business and athletics.
---
[36:42](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2202s) Communication as an Entertainer
When asked how he keeps audiences engaged, Oz emphasizes continuous audience observation. He constantly scans the room for physical indicators of interest—such as leaning forward or sitting on the edge of their seat—versus signs of boredom, like yawning, looking back, or checking watches. While individual outliers exist (e.g., someone hungover or jet-lagged), observing collective body language allows an entertainer to pivot in real time.
Oz stresses that true value comes from actionable execution rather than passive inspiration. He dismisses pure motivation as "garbage" if it doesn't lead to concrete steps.
- **Accountability Strategy:** If you set a personal goal (like running a 10K), announce it publicly to 10 friends. The fear of having to "eat humble pie" later acts as a powerful external lever to ensure follow-through.
- **Financial Fulfillment:** Having earned more money over the last 10 years than he ever dreamed possible, Oz notes that while money makes life easier, it does not buy fulfillment, pointing out that many billionaires he performs for remain deeply unhappy.
---
[39:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2390s) The Ethics of Misdirection in Magic
Addressing the potential paradox between using misdirection in magic and teaching authentic life skills, Oz clarifies that his professional tricks are entirely separate from his personal principles. The true driver behind his career success isn't knowing how to guess a card—others can do that—but applying timeless relationship-building techniques similar to those in *How to Win Friends and Influence People*.
He explains that true mentalism in daily life is about turning the mirror away from yourself and onto the other person. By making others the star of the interaction, understanding their needs, and helping them look good, you build long-term influence and genuine trust.
> "The moment you realize that you will be successful in your life when you start making other people the star... That's true mentalism."
---
[41:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2501s) How to Be a Better Active Listener
Oz connects the ability to influence others directly to active listening skills. To illustrate what great listening looks like, he shares an anecdote about performing at an intimate 90th birthday party for Steven Spielberg's father. Despite Oz being eager to ask Spielberg endless questions about his legendary film career, Spielberg dominated the conversation by firing rapid questions back at Oz about his life, passion, and background. Spielberg made the entire exchange about Oz, demonstrating why elite achievers are often master active listeners.
[42:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2557s) The Power of Active Listening and Unconventional Questions
Oz explains that becoming a powerful communicator requires realizing that the most interesting person in a room is actually the most *interested* person. Successful, authentic people stand out because they lock eyes, give 100% undivided attention, and ask questions that go far beyond standard pleasantries. Asking mundane questions like "What do you do for a living?" immediately puts the other person on "autopilot," leading to generic, predictable conversations.
To break this routine, Oz challenges people to prepare or invent questions that throw others out of autopilot and make them think deeply. Asking open-ended questions allows people to explore who they are rather than giving canned answers. Oz emphasizes letting the audience or conversation partner guide the interaction toward what truly interests them.
* **The Average Trap:** 50% of people are below average and 49.9% are above average; Oz urges listeners to actively challenge themselves to be the outlier in social interactions.
* **Autopilot Breakers:** Avoid basic "yes/no" or transactional queries. Ask questions that force the other person to pause and think, "I haven't really thought of that before."
---
[43:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2631s) Interactive Mind-Reading: The Favorite Car Reveal
Transitioning from theory to demonstration, Oz puts his reading skills into action with host Steven Bartlett. Earlier, Steven was asked to choose a category and an answer within it. Steven reveals his question is "What is my favorite car?" and insists there is no way Oz could know through prior research or written notes. Oz asks Steven to mentally isolate one word from the car name, pick a single letter from it, and intensely focus on that letter.
By reading subtle verbal cues and hesitation, Oz zeroes in on Steven's thought process. When Steven asks for clarification about picking "one of the words," Oz catches the slip—deducing that the car's name consists of multiple words or a compound term. Oz initially probes for the letter "Y" before asking Steven to close his eyes. Oz writes down his final guess on a pad, which Steven reveals is the **Cybertruck**. Upon opening the pad, Oz correctly displays the match. Steven admits he was initially fixated on the letter "Y" before moving to "T".
* **Verbal Slip-Up:** Steven accidentally revealed the structure of the car name by asking for clarification when Oz instructed him to pick "one of the words."
* **Mental Calibration:** Oz acknowledges that mind-reading isn't a 100% flawless guarantee, joking that if he got every single guess right instantaneously without calibration, "it would be a magic show."
---
[46:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2800s) Handling Mistakes and Controlling the Narrative
When Steven asks if performances ever go wrong, Oz distinguishes between minor missteps and catastrophic failures. Early in his career on television 15 years prior, Oz learned a critical lesson about linear setups: if a performer tells the audience exactly what they are going to guess ahead of time and misses, the failure is undeniable because the audience holds all the power.
To mitigate this, Oz keeps "the cards in his hands" by managing expectations and maintaining multiple pathways to a reveal. If the audience doesn't know the exact intended ending of the "movie," showing an alternate ending prevents them from perceiving a mistake. Performing multiple micro-reads simultaneously ensures he can pivot and find a true hit eventually.
> "If I show you my hand and tell you where this is going, then you have the power... If you don't know the ending of the movie, then if I show you an alternate ending, you don't know that the movie wasn't supposed to end that way."
---
[47:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2866s) Breaking the Ice through Authentic Vulnerability
To disarm people and break the ice in uncomfortable social settings, Oz recommends voicing one's inner monologue out loud. Instead of shutting down or putting up a rigid defense, displaying genuine vulnerability creates immediate intimacy. Simply walking up to someone at an event and admitting, "I'm so nervous, I don't know anyone here—do you know anyone?" breaks the artificial wall of small talk much faster than standard networking lines.
Steven references a quote from comedian Jimmy Carr, who suggested that instead of asking why comedians are depressed, a better question is: "Who are you trying to cheer up?" Oz relates to this, sharing that as a young, socially awkward person, he turned to magic not out of inherent charisma, but out of a deep desire to connect with others and watch them experience joy.
* **The Goal of Magic:** Oz defines his profession not as deceiving or fooling people, but as creating *memorable* moments.
* **The Peril of Apathy:** The ultimate failure for an entertainer is apathy—when an audience experiences something "amazing" in the moment but forgets it completely shortly after.
---
[50:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3026s) Memory as a Superpower: The "Lather, Rinse, Repeat" Method
Steven shifts the discussion to page 166 of Oz's book (*Read Your Mind*), asking why memory matters for human connection. Oz explains that modern technology like GPS and smartphones has made memory atrophy. Because no one expects anyone to remember details anymore, having a sharp memory has become a genuine social superpower.
The most common memory failure occurs when meeting someone new: people shake hands and instantly forget the person's name, leading to dread and awkwardness for the rest of the event. Oz notes that this is rarely a true memory retention issue—it is a focus issue. People fail to register the name because their brains are busy thinking about what to say back. To solve this, Oz repurposes the shampoo bottle instructions—**Lather, Rinse, Repeat**—into a 3-step formula:
1. **Listen:** Quiet your mind upon approach. Stop planning your reply so your brain can actually absorb the name.
2. **Repeat:** Say the person's name back immediately in conversation at least twice (e.g., "Steven, is it Steve or Steven?").
3. **Reply:** Attach a mental hook using one of three tactics within 5 seconds:
* *Spelling:* Ask how it's spelled ("Steven with a V or a PH?").
* *Visual Hook:* Pair the name with a distinct visual detail or compliment ("Jacob with the V-neck shirt").
* *Personal Connection:* Link the name to a known acquaintance ("My sister's dating a guy named Steven").
---
[54:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3250s) Small Details Matter & Graceful Recovery Tactics
Steven reflects on how easy it is to treat names as unimportant when rushing into high-stakes business pitches, focusing entirely on campaigns or numbers instead of the individual. However, failing to remember a name leaves a lasting negative impression.
Oz advises that if you do forget a name, avoiding the person out of embarrassment is the worst path. Admitting the mistake humanely is far better received.
* **Direct Honesty:** Say, "Forgive me, but I really would like to know. Tell me your name again, please."
* **Memory Clues:** Ask for a small hint or jog your memory by recalling who introduced you ("Help me out, I know I met you through Steven..."). Showing a sincere effort to remember demonstrates respect and authentic human connection.
---
[55:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3338s) Sponsor Break: LinkedIn Ads & Stan Store
Steven delivers two brief promotional breaks for podcast sponsors:
* **LinkedIn Ads:** Steven highlights LinkedIn's precise B2B targeting options (job title, seniority, company size, skill set) across a network of over 1 billion professionals. Listeners can claim a $250 ad credit after spending $250 at `[linkedin.com/diary](https://linkedin.com/diary)`.
* **Stan Store:** Steven discusses Stan Store, an online platform he co-owns that allows creators and entrepreneurs to launch digital products, coaching, memberships, or communities in minutes. Listeners can start a free 14-day trial at `stevenbartlett.stan.store`.
[57:33](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3453s) The Power of Storytelling and Shaping Malleable Memories
Reflecting on the core principles of his success, Oz Pearlman emphasizes that framing ideas within a narrative is essential because "stories are remembered" and deeply interwoven into human DNA. A vital aspect of personal and professional impact is intentionally choosing what makes you memorable, as human memory is inherently malleable. To illustrate this, Pearlman recounts a card trick from his teenage years where a participant signed a card, put it back into the deck, and Pearlman threw the deck at the ceiling. The deck fell away while the signed card remained stuck to the ceiling. Oddly, when spectators later retold the story to others, they completely omitted the moment Pearlman threw the deck into the air.
Pearlman realized that this memory lapse was not a mental fault, but a result of directed focus: "What I put my attention on, they put their attention on." By catching the falling deck without looking up, Pearlman directed the audience's gaze entirely toward discovering the card stuck on the ceiling. Because their brains deleted the physical act of the throw, the trick was remembered as a pure miracle. Podcast host Steven Bartlett connects this principle to everyday interactions and his own show, observing that if he glances down at his notes, props, or phone, he immediately breaks the guest's concentration.
* The core driver of audience memory is the speaker's own point of visual and emotional focus.
* Small behavioral details—such as looking away versus looking directly at a target—dictate whether an audience remembers or forgets specific actions.
* Checking a watch or phone during a conversation instantly shifts the other person's attention away from the core narrative.
[01:00:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3644s) Malleable Memory, Etch-a-Sketch Confusion, and Dual Reality
Pearlman explains how mentalists leverage psychological tactics like deliberate confusion to rewrite memories in real time. Because the human brain struggles to read and write simultaneously, introducing a moment of confusion acts "exactly like an Etch-a-Sketch." Shaking that mental Etch-a-Sketch creates a brief window where recent memories are like an undried watercolor painting, allowing the performer to alter the sequence of events before the memory sets.
As a concrete example, Pearlman describes a routine where he asks a subject to think of anyone important from their past, eventually guiding them to name their first kiss. Afterwards, the participant completely forgets how the question was framed and tells others, "He told me to think of anyone... and he guessed my first kiss!" This relies on the mentalism concept of "dual reality," where the direct participant and the observing crowd experience two entirely distinct realities. Pearlman notes that performing one-on-one in a podcast studio is significantly harder than managing group dynamics, comparing a tight one-on-one setting to driving on a narrow road without extra lanes to maneuver.
* The brain cannot read and write information simultaneously, making momentary confusion an effective tool for misdirection.
* Unsettled memories can be re-framed by telling the subject the exact story you want them to repeat to others later.
* Dual reality occurs when the participant's direct experience differs fundamentally from the audience's perception of the performance.
* One-on-one psychological performances leave far less room for misdirection than performing in front of a full group.
[01:03:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3788s) The Role of Passion and Obsession in Peak Performance
Looking at a photograph of himself at age 14—around the time he began performing in restaurants—the now 43-year-old mentalist asserts that finding a genuine obsession is a absolute blessing. While total duration of practice varies and some phenoms achieve mastery in condensed timeframes, deep passion is the common denominator among top performers. Pearlman shares that he is captivated by anyone who displays intense enthusiasm for their craft, whether it is a high-level performer or a garbage collector obsessed with waste management, because genuine investment is infectious. Bartlett draws a parallel to legendary DJ EZ, who spends up to seven hours a day listening to 20-second clips of 700 new tracks, illustrating the hidden, unglamorous dedication behind high achievement.
For Pearlman, spending decades honing his craft never felt like a tedious burden because it provided clear definition to his life. Viewing himself as having "won the lottery times the lottery," he approaches his work with immense daily gratitude and a mindset anchored in the awareness that life is finite. He approaches every audience not with the arrogant assumption that they owe him their time, but with an internal drive to earn their attention and deliver tangible value. This desire to share actionable habits with people seeking success is precisely what motivated him to write his book *Read Your Mind*.
* Pearlman began performing professionally in restaurants at age 14 and has sustained his career for nearly three decades.
* High achievement relies on behind-the-scenes obsession, such as DJ EZ auditing 700 musical tracks per day in short bursts.
* Success requires an inverse mindset: constantly proving to the audience why they should listen rather than assuming an entitlement to their attention.
[01:07:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4035s) Internal Self-Worth, Ultimate Sacrifices, and Quantifiable Goals
Addressing the hidden costs of ambition, Pearlman warns against anchoring self-esteem to external validation like money or fame. Because every public career experiences natural cycles of peaks and declines, tying self-worth to intangible external metrics leaves a person vulnerable when the trend shifts downward. To maintain personal grounding, Pearlman pursues grueling athletic challenges such as marathons and ultra-marathons—accomplishments that cannot be bought or faked, only earned through direct effort. He reveals that the single greatest sacrifice of his career is the constant travel away from his wife and five children, requiring a perpetual balancing act between professional ambition and family presence.
Referencing a quote by David Goggins featured in his book—"Learn to master the most powerful weapon, your mind"—Pearlman explains that true personal growth happens exclusively during the hardest moments of effort when your inner voice urges you to quit. He urges listeners to look honestly in the mirror, overcome feelings of inadequacy, and define clear, quantifiable targets. Pointing to the common pattern of New Year's resolutions failing by February, Pearlman emphasizes that real success comes from pushing through the initial weeks required to cement a permanent habit.
* External metrics like fame and followers are fleeting, making internal drive and self-set goals the only reliable sources of self-worth.
* Physical challenges like ultra-marathons serve as vital counterweights to public fame because sweat equity cannot be purchased.
* The primary personal drawback of top-tier professional success for Pearlman is extended time spent away from his five children and wife.
* Sustainable progress requires setting specific, quantifiable goals rather than vague aspirations, along with pushing past the initial friction of habit formation.
Here is the detailed walkthrough covering the final part of the interview:
[01:10:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4255s) How Habits, Mindset Shifts, and Fitness Drive Real Success
Oz Pearlman emphasizes that his book, *Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success*, is fundamentally about practical habits rather than quick tricks. Books like *Atomic Habits* had a profound impact on him by demonstrating the inflection point where intentional effort transforms into muscle memory. Once a positive behavior becomes self-fulfilling, you continue doing it simply because you enjoy it. For instance, Oz reveals that he did not love running when he first started, but it has now become his "vacation." Running puts him into a flow state where he formulates new ideas and checks in with himself.
He highlights the critical role physical activity plays in overall health, asserting that many chronic diseases stem directly from lifestyle choices and physical inactivity. Society could solve massive health problems if people simply ate healthier and exercised a little more. While hard work and consistency are mandatory, taking immediate action—getting inside your own head and executing on goals—is where real progress occurs.
[01:11:54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4314s) The Final Mind-Reading Reveal: Michelle Obama
Oz loops back to a psychological experiment setup earlier in the podcast. He reminds Steven Bartlett of the moment he was asked to close his eyes and visualize hundreds of different individuals—famous figures, people he knows, and loved ones—until one specific person stepped forward, tapped him on the shoulder, and offered a life-changing piece of advice that set off a chain reaction leading him to think of his friend Jules. Oz asks Steven to reveal out loud for the first time who that mystery person was.
Steven replies that he envisioned **Michelle Obama**. Oz prompts Steven to open a sealed piece of paper that had been sitting in front of them. Upon unfolding it, Steven is stunned to find a photo of Michelle Obama, causing him to laugh in disbelief at the perfect reveal and remark, "She's gorgeous, though."
[01:13:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4390s) The Podcast Closing Question: Would You Choose to Live Forever?
In keeping with the podcast's tradition, Steven reads a question left by the previous guest without knowing who would answer it: "If you could live forever, would you? And why or why not?" Oz reflects on his lifelong obsession with science fiction, noting that immortality is a recurring theme in his favorite literature. He cites Octavia E. Butler's underrated sci-fi novel *Wild Seed*, which deeply explores the emotional burden of watching everyone around you pass away while you remain alive.
Oz acknowledges the tragic reality that living forever could eventually make a person feel cold, empty, and numb as mortal humans come and go like fleeting insects. At the same time, death represents an intimidating abyss that everyone tries to avoid contemplating. Even though he recognizes that endless life could ultimately turn into a curse, Oz admits that his fascination with existence makes him lean toward wanting to live forever.
[01:15:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4500s) Reclaiming Childhood Wonder and Magic in an Adult World
Steven thanks Oz for sharing principles that help people form deeper human connections, noting how widespread disconnection on the internet fuels mental and physiological health issues. Steven praises Oz's work as a mentalist because it expands people's minds, restores open-mindedness, and snaps adults out of their daily autopilot routines. Oz responds by explaining that his true addiction in magic is giving adults a feeling they thought they had lost forever: pure, unadulterated wonder.
Oz shares that the greatest joy of his life is watching his 2-year-old and 3-year-old children discover the world—like watching a butterfly fly—because seeing life through a child's eyes lets him experience that lost magic vicariously. As people grow up, they become cynical and jaded; Oz notes that because he knows how tricks work, he has personally lost that sense of mystery. Consequently, when another magician manages to fool him, he deliberately stops his analytical brain from analyzing the technical execution (the "how the sausage is made" aspect) so he can savor the rare sensation of genuine awe. Steven draws a parallel to the day a child realizes Santa Claus isn't real, shrinking their sense of possibility, and commends Oz for keeping magic and imagination alive in the adult world.
- Endorsements on Oz's book *Read Your Mind* include figures like **David Goggins** on the front cover, as well as **Jay Shetty**, **Mark Cuban**, and **Adam Grant** on the back.
- Oz mentions that a previous *Diary Of A CEO* episode on AI left him thoroughly terrified, but expresses his gratitude for being on the show before leaving his own mystery question for the next guest.
- **DOAC Circle Announcement:** Steven concludes the episode by inviting the first 10,000 listeners to join "DOAC Circle" (`doaccircle.com`), a new private community featuring exclusive episode briefs, unreleased video clips, behind-the-scenes footage, unreleased full episodes, and direct access to influence future guest choices.
## Notable quotes
> [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds, but here is the honest truth. It's impossible. But, I read people through small, minute details. — Oz Pearlman
> [14:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=848s) When you're two, three, four, you know if your sibling's lying to you. You know if people are lying to you very well... there's an instinct involved that I think is akin to when I play ping pong. I can't think about my shot. I just do the shot. — Oz Pearlman
> [18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1120s) Last night I met somebody, she has two children. They're three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star... she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn't vanish to me. — Oz Pearlman
> [30:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1850s) My job is to misdirect you and to use multiple methods... so that as soon as you go down a path and you think you got me, I jump to the next lane. — Oz Pearlman
> [39:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2390s) The moment you realize that you will be successful in your life when you start making other people the star... That's true mentalism. — Oz Pearlman
> [46:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2800s) If I show you my hand and tell you where this is going, then you have the power... If you don't know the ending of the movie, then if I show you an alternate ending, you don't know that the movie wasn't supposed to end that way. — Oz Pearlman
## Mentioned
Oz Pearlman, Steven Bartlett, America's Got Talent, Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World's Greatest Mentalist, The Diary Of A CEO, Pipedrive, LinkedIn Ads, Stan Store, Merrill Lynch, Derren Brown, Harry Styles, Ed Sheeran, Steven Spielberg, Jimmy Carr, Cybertruck, How to Win Friends and Influence People, David Goggins, Jay Shetty, Mark Cuban, Adam Grant, Atomic Habits, DJ EZ, Jimmy Fallon, Michelle Obama, Octavia E. Butler, Wild Seed
Mentalist Oz Pearlman argues that true mind reading is impossible, but reading people through behavioral baselines, focused attention, and other-oriented communication is a learnable skill that builds influence and trust.
Baselines and Behavioral Cues for Detecting Deception (13:47)
Pearlman clarifies that detecting lies or assessing interest cannot rely on isolated physical tells, such as arm flexing or eye shifts, because they lack context. Instead, accurate detection requires establishing an individual's normal baseline behavior while they are relaxed and truthful. Similar to the logic of a polygraph test, observers can spot tension, dishonesty, or hesitation only when behavior deviates from that established baseline. Pearlman advises tracking verbal cadence and the typical volume of detail a person provides, while cautioning that sustaining such hyper-focused observation continuously in daily life would be exhausting.
Lowering Social Defenses and Rejection Anxiety (5:25)
Drawing on his early experience pitching tableside magic at age 14, Pearlman outlines techniques for overcoming human defense mechanisms. He explains that approaching someone directly head-on triggers an evolutionary predator response, whereas turning slightly at an angle to present 'one eye' reduces perceived danger. To bypass immediate reflex rejections, he avoids closed yes-or-no questions like 'Do you want to see magic?' and instead uses open-ended, curiosity-driven inquiries alongside third-party endorsements from venue management to establish immediate social proof.
Other-Oriented Communication and Active Listening (16:24)
Persuasion and influence depend on shifting the spotlight entirely off oneself and onto the counterpart. Pearlman illustrates this through his regular appearances on CNBC, where he tailors mentalism demonstrations strictly around financial concepts like bonds, stocks, and interest rates rather than standard magic tropes. In conversation, he warns against transactional autopilot questions like 'What do you do for a living?' and advocates asking unconventional questions that force meaningful reflection.
Strategic Information Logging and Memory Systems (18:40)
Pearlman treats memory retention as a deliberate discipline rather than innate recall. Immediately following meetings or performances, he documents names, family facts, and small personal details while riding in transit or sitting in hotel rooms. Bringing these details back into conversation years later creates an outsized impression because people naturally view themselves as the central figures of their own lives. To combat the common problem of immediately forgetting names upon introduction, he prescribes a three-step routine: listening quietly without formulating a reply, repeating the name aloud at least twice, and anchoring it within five seconds using spelling, visual hooks, or associations with known acquaintances.
Directed Focus and Memory Malleability (57:33)
Human memory is inherently flexible, allowing an observer's recollection of an event to be shaped in real time. Pearlman demonstrates that audience attention mirrors the performer's focus; looking away from a physical manipulation directs onlookers entirely toward the reveal, causing their brains to omit the intervening mechanism from memory. By introducing brief moments of confusion, mentalists take advantage of the brain's inability to read and write information at the same moment, effectively wiping recent impressions and allowing the narrative to be reframed before memory sets.
While Pearlman frames these psychological principles as tools for human connection and career progression, he acknowledges that mentalism relies on multiple overlapping methods and managed expectations to ensure demonstrations never visibly fail. He maintains that lasting self-worth requires internal metrics and discipline—such as endurance running—rather than external validation from audiences or wealth.
## Background
本期视频由 YouTube 知名商业访谈频道《The Diary Of A CEO》（主持人 Steven Bartlett）于 2025 年 10 月 23 日发布。节目简介指出，世界顶级心灵魔术师奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）结合自己从华尔街投行跨界到全球魔术舞台的经历，深度揭秘如何洞察人性、在社交与商业谈判中建立信任、拆穿谎言以及通过微习惯提升记忆与影响力。
## TL;DR
奥兹·珀尔曼指出真正的读心术并非超自然异能，而是通过逆向工程人类大脑与捕捉非语言信号来“读人”。他系统阐述了破除社交防御的单眼法则、基于行为基准线识破谎言的底层逻辑，以及以客户为中心、消除抗拒的沟通法则。此外，他还分享了“倾听-重复-回应”的姓名记忆技巧、运用“24小时测试”击碎恐惧的心智捷径，并探讨了在追求极致卓越的过程中如何守护专注与热爱的心理平衡。
## Atmosphere & style
整场对谈节奏紧凑、戏剧张力十足，兼具思维交锋的理性与现场演示的神奇。两位对话者互动自然且高度专注，多次穿插的“隐形扑克牌”、猜名字与心仪车型的现场读心让主持人屡屡陷入由衷的震惊与狂喜。随着话题从魔术技巧自然延伸至童年创伤、面对拒绝的心态重塑乃至对死亡的深刻反思，节目氛围从初期的紧张刺激逐步过渡为温暖真挚与发人深省，给观众带来如同置身于近景魔术与大师级心理课现场般的沉浸式体验。
## Bulletin
- [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) 心灵魔术师奥兹·珀尔曼指出真正的读心术并不存在，其实质是捕捉微表情、建立行为基准线与巧妙利用声东击西（Misdirection）来洞悉人性与行为决策。
- [13:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=792s) 建立“行为基准线”是拆穿谎言的核心，相比寻找普遍微表情公式，对比某人在常态下讲述真事时的细节密度与节奏突变更为有效。
- [16:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=960s) 社交与商业谈判中应贯彻“去自我中心”原则，以对方的痛点与利益为导向，并使用“倾听、重复、回应”框架在最初5秒内牢记他人名字。
- [57:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3449s) 人类记忆具有高度可塑性，通过在关键时刻转移自身视线与注意力，能够主动编写对方日后复述的故事并重塑其长远认知。
## Key takeaways
- [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) 读心术的本质是“读人”而非超能力：通过逆向工程人类大脑、捕捉潜意识微动作并运用心理暗示，将看似无限的选择收窄至唯一结果。
- [05:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=325s) 破解陌生社交戒备的“单眼法则”：侧身接近以单眼进入对方视野，配合“一只脚在内一只脚在外”的姿态，能消除进化中触发的捕食者警惕心理。
- [08:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=511s) 制造积极好奇心差距（Positive Curiosity Gap）：避免提出容易招致拒绝的封闭式问题，转而使用激发期待的多巴胺式开场化解阻力。
- [13:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=792s) 测谎的关键是对比行为基准线（Benchmarks）：观察对方平时叙事包含的细节密度与语速停顿，异常的细节暴增或节奏突变往往是不诚实的信号。
- [17:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1025s) 商业说服的核心在于“调转镜子”：将焦点从自我展示切换为以对方利益为导向的语言，提前预判并精准消除客户心中的抗拒点。
- [18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1120s) 做笔记是建立深层人际纽带的无到期日优惠券：随手记录他人的生活微小细节，在数月或数年后精准唤起，能让对方感受到被尊重的巨大震撼。
- [22:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1340s) 小事的悖论与“为什么不能是我”：越是被大众忽视的细微关怀越显珍贵，而积极的心态设定能让人打破极低统计概率的束缚。
- [34:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2044s) 用“24小时测试”击碎拖延与恐惧：面对棘手任务时立即行动并设下隔天闹钟，认知快进会证明绝大多数恐惧在事过境迁后都会迅速归零。
- [35:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2109s) 建立“表演人格”防火墙：将台上的角色与内心深处的自我剥离，把遭受拒绝的刺痛阻绝在外部，从而专注于目标的执行。
- [42:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2550s) 真正倾听的魅力在于展现深度好奇：社交场合中最有趣的人往往是表现得最感兴趣的人，提出打破自动巡航套路的开放式问题能迅速建立共鸣。
- [46:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2800s) 主动展现脆弱感作为破冰武器：在尴尬或紧张的社交场合大声说出内心不安，真实的人性流露能快速拉近距离并卸下对方防备。
- [51:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3104s) 社交姓名记忆的三步法框架：通过“倾听（大脑静音）、重复（自然确认2-3次）、回应（拼写/视觉/熟人挂钩）”在5秒内建立牢固记忆锚点。
- [57:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3449s) 你的焦点决定对方的焦点：人们在回忆事件时极易被误导，通过刻意挪开自身注意力，魔术师或演讲者可以替受众重构并修剪故事版本。
- [01:00:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3621s) 记忆的“蚀刻板”重写效应：利用复杂指令或困惑瞬间阻断大脑同时进行读写，在记忆尚未定型时重新涂抹细节以打造双重现实。
- [01:03:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3788s) 狂热执念（Obsession）是人生最宝贵的恩赐：将事业追求视作赋予生命定义的源泉而非代价，切勿把自尊建立在随时可被剥夺的名声与财富上。
- [01:09:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4158s) 掌控心智需要量化目标与微习惯：避开模糊的高调誓言，跨越前几周最艰难的习惯拐点，将自律动作转化为自动驱动的正向肌肉记忆。
- [01:16:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4596s) 保留童真般的惊奇感：沉迷于机械性地拆解底层技术往往会剥夺纯粹的体验感，在未知面前保持开放心智才是对抗成年人日渐麻木的关键。
## Detailed walkthrough
### [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) 读心术的本质与开场互动
著名心灵魔术师奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）用一个生动的心理互动开启了对话。他让主持人闭上眼，想象面前有一副隐形扑克牌，在空中展开并随意抽出一张。当主持人闭着眼说出“方块 3”（Three of diamonds）并睁开眼确认时，正是他脑中所想的那张牌。奥兹直言，这绝非超自然魔法，而是他花了三十年时间逆向工程人类大脑的成果。他能教会任何人这种能力，因为其背后的心理机制与日常习惯完全适用于生活中的方方面面。
奥兹曾毅然离开华尔街，投身魔术界并成为全球首屈一指的心灵魔术师。他坦诚地揭露了这个行业的真相：“我的整份工作就是让你相信我能读心，但实话实说，这根本不可能。我读的不是心，而是人（I read people）。”通过捕捉最微小的细节，他能准确获悉对方所想、建立信任乃至拆穿谎言。在节目录制伊始，主持人斯蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）也借机向观众呼吁，很多常客并没意识到自己未关注频道，希望大家点击订阅以支持节目的持续发展。
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: Oz Pearlman's Mentalism Mechanism
accDescr: A comparison showing true mind reading is impossible versus reading people through observation and psychology.
subgraph Illusion["虚假表象"]
A["心灵感应 / 读心术 (Impossible)"]
end
subgraph Reality["科学现实 (Read People)"]
B["微表情与潜意识细节"]
C["心理暗示与引导 (Suggestion)"]
D["声东击西 (Misdirection)"]
end
Illusion -.->|"本质是"| Reality
Reality --> E["洞察思考路径与行为决策"]
```
---
### [02:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=146s) 《读懂你心》与未来的神秘预言
斯蒂芬向奥兹提问，既然根本无法真正“读心”，为何还要将新书命名为《读懂你心：世界顶级心灵魔术师的成功习惯》（*Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist*）？奥兹解释称，心灵魔术的根基是“声东击西”（Misdirection）、“影响”（Influence）与“暗示”（Suggestion）。了解人们的思考方式，就能推断出他们正在想什么。他在舞台和社交场上所运用的影响力与气场掌控技巧，如果打包运用到任何其他行业，同样能带来巨大的世俗成功。
奥兹随后将焦点转向正在观看视频的普通观众，直言需要给观众一个“为何要在此时此刻看我们聊天”的理由。他特意提到斯蒂芬在商业投资节目《龙穴》（*Dragons' Den*）中通过给创业者开出报价（Offer）改变人生的名场面，随即从怀中拿出一张折叠好的白纸递给斯蒂芬，称这是一个“无法拒绝的报价”，代表着斯蒂芬的未来。奥兹要求斯蒂芬把纸条压在面前的马克杯下，保证它全程不离开视线，且绝不能提前打开，直到播客结束时揭晓。斯蒂芬在杯底压好纸条后也向观众保证，两人之间绝无任何串通，自己如果发现任何手脚一定会当场指出。
---
### [05:25](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=325s) 破解社交防御：走向餐桌的微习惯
当被问及普通人通常忽略了哪些关于“人类天性”的底层逻辑时，奥兹指出，“对被拒绝的恐惧”（Fear of rejection）是横亘在失败与成功之间的头号障碍。大多数人不敢追求目标，往往是因为害怕失败后的代价，或者潜意识里为自己设置了失败的预设。奥兹回忆起自己 13 岁接触魔术、14 岁便在没有雇佣协议的情况下独自走进各家餐厅推销自己表演魔术的经历。通过数千次实战迭代，他逐渐摸索出让人感到舒适或不适的关键因素。
这些社交突破口完全隐藏在微小的举止细节之中：
- **进退角度（单眼法则）**：如果直接正面对视走上前，对方看到两只眼睛，人类数万年进化中逃避捕食者的本能会立刻触发警惕与恐惧；而如果微微侧身、以身体呈一定角度靠近桌子，对方视野中主要看到一只眼睛，潜意识会判定危险性显著降低。同时，“一只脚在内、一只脚在外”的站姿向顾客传递出“我不会逗留很久”的心理安全感。
- **化解心智直觉（Heuristics）**：陌生服务人员走近时，顾客脑海中瞬间会闪过连串顾虑——“他要待多久？”、“餐厅知道这小孩在这里吗？”、“他水平行不行？”、“天哪，我是不是得给小费？我没带现金”。
- **多巴胺式开场提问**：绝不能问封闭式问题（如“你想看我变魔术吗？”，对方很容易下意识拒绝“不，走开”）。相反，奥兹会面带喜色地问：“你们听说了今晚发生什么了吗？今天是你们的幸运日。”这种不可预知的期待感能直接激发大脑分泌多巴胺，类似于手机震动让人忍不住想看消息。
- **化解所有阻力的完美说辞**：当客人好奇反问“为什么是幸运日”时，奥兹会回答：“老板为了给你们一个特别的惊喜，特意邀请我来为你们展示一件不可思议的事情。”这句话包含三重心理防御拆解：
1. “老板邀请我”——建立权威背书与社交货币（Social currency），证明自己是正规人员；
2. “特别的惊喜（Special treat）”——明确此项服务无需额外买单或付小费，费用已由餐厅承担；
3. “不可思议的事情”——拉高期待，且全程没有任何可以让对方说出“不”的拒绝节点。
### [08:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=511s) 积极好奇心差距与注意力的货币属性
在短短不到十秒的开场白里，奥兹·珀尔曼便能迅速调动起全场的气氛与期待。史蒂文·巴特利特对此深有共鸣，指出无论是在销售、面试招聘还是内容创作领域，这种做法都在无形中制造了一种“积极的好奇心差距”（Positive Curiosity Gap）——这与顶级创作者 MrBeast 在视频开头设置黄金诱饵（Hook）的手法如出一辙。当奥兹说出“他们今晚请我来给你们准备了一份惊艳的大礼，你们听说发生什么了吗”，观众的注意力便被彻底勾住，迫切想要填补这个认知缺口，舍不得让他离开。
奥兹直言，这种在几秒钟内抓住人心的底层逻辑，是他一生受用无穷的法宝。在当今时代，注意力已经成为最核心的通用货币；这是人类历史上前所未有的时代，仅凭一部智能手机，任何人都有可能打造出一家巨型企业或成为全球超级巨星，而这一切在一百年前根本无法想象。能够与受众在情感层面建立深度链接、准确捕捉受众内心渴望，是决定成败的分水岭。在奥兹看来，理解人们的思维方式，并借助肢体语言与行为举止来调动这种心理，不仅是魔术与读心术的精髓，更是职场人士观察同事、客户与商业伙伴的关键能力。
### [10:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=615s) “隐形牌”读心术：将无数选择收束为一
为了向史蒂文演示如何通过细致入微的观察来读懂人心，奥兹现场进行了一次颠覆传统认知的互动。桌上放着一副史蒂文自己洗好的真实扑克牌，但奥兹碰都不碰一下。奥兹解释道，一旦自己的手指触碰实体扑克牌，观众的大脑就会自动触发认知开关，将其定性为“这不过是手法纯熟的魔术杂耍”，从而失去神秘感。相反，他让史蒂文在脑海中想象面前摆着一副完全“隐形”的牌。
奥兹引导史蒂文拿起那副隐形扑克牌，将其面朝下在桌面上摊开，随后闭上双眼，仅凭直觉随手抽出一张。奥兹强调，由于牌是看不见的，且整个抽取过程完全是史蒂文自发的突发奇想，两人之间根本不存在任何串通的可能。在史蒂文闭目凝神的瞬间，奥兹用言语快速梳理扑克牌的红与黑、花色（红心、方块、梅花、黑桃）以及点数（从 A 到 K）。随后，奥兹从旁边实体牌堆中抽出一张牌，轻轻递到史蒂文紧握的手中，并要求他在睁眼之前报出脑中所选的那张隐形牌。史蒂文说出了“方块 3”（Three of Diamonds）；当他睁开双眼查看自己手中的实体牌时，赫然正是方块 3。面对这一幕，史蒂文难掩震惊，直呼这超出了常理的认知范畴。
奥兹随后揭秘，这种神乎其技的读心并不是真正的超能力，而是一种精密的信息过滤与选择收束：
- **排除手法干预**：完全抛开传统手彩魔术（Sleight of Hand）的道具束缚，避免让观众产生戒备心。
- **选择范围压缩**：通过语言诱导、心理暗示以及对细微反应的敏锐捕捉，将原本多达几十种的可能性一步步收拢至唯一目标。
- **微反应捕捉**：不依赖魔法，而是通过捕捉对方手臂肌肉的紧绷、眉毛的微颤或呼吸节奏的变动等非语言信号，逆向推导其心智选择。
### [13:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=792s) 如何识破谎言：建立行为基准线（Benchmarks）
奥兹指出，在商业谈判和人际交往中，人们最渴望看透的两件事无非是：“对方是否对我感兴趣？”以及“对方是否在对我撒谎？”。要准确识破谎言，关键不在于寻找某种通用的微表情公式，而在于建立个体的“行为基准线”（Benchmarks）。一次性接触的陌生人极难看透，因为缺乏对比参照，但幸运的是，生活和职场中绝大多数的重要对象都是反复接触的人。
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 行为基准线测谎模型
accDescr: 展示如何通过日常观察建立诚实基准线，并在异常时比对判断谎言
subgraph Phase1 ["1. 建立日常基准线 (Baseline)"]
A["观察诚实状态"] --> B["记录常态特征：说话节奏、语速与停顿"]
A --> C["记录细节密度：叙事时习惯包含多少细节"]
end
subgraph Phase2 ["2. 观察日常波动 (Testing)"]
D["日常琐事与善意谎言 (White Lies)"] --> E["对比微反应差异：肢体小动作、眼神回避"]
end
subgraph Phase3 ["3. 识别异常偏离 (Detection)"]
B & C & E --> F["偏离基准线：细节异常暴增或节奏突变"]
F --> G["直觉与观察协同：识别不诚实信号"]
end
```
奥兹以测谎仪的工作原理解释道，测谎仪在正式测试前必须先问几个毫无争议的问题（例如“你的名字是史蒂文·巴特利特吗？”），借此标定被测者在说真话时的生理指标；随后再要求其撒谎，观察指标变化并形成对比。在日常人际交往中，观察者应当多留意一个人在陈述真实经历时的常态：
- 讲述一件真事时，他们通常会自然地塞入多少细节？
- 他们的说话语调、停顿节奏（Cadence）与呼吸模式是怎样的？
- 当他们说谎或编造借口时，是否会为了掩饰心虚而反常地堆砌过多无关细节？
奥兹认为，成年人在成长过程中往往被社会教条磨钝了本能，实际上每个人童年时期（两三岁时）都有极强的“防忽悠系统”，能轻易看穿兄弟姐妹是否在撒谎。高明的观察就像打乒乓球，靠的是肌肉记忆与未经思索的本能直觉。在日常生活中，奥兹并不会全天候保持这种高度审视——因为“那样太累了”，但只要在关键时刻进入超专注状态，结合适度的误导与引导，就能准确掌握局势走向。
### [16:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=960s) 销售的核心心法：永远关乎对方，而非你自己
当史蒂文提出一个具体的商业场景——如果自己是一家营销公司的老板，正在向客户提案，希望对方购买某个特定方案而非竞品时，应当如何运用这种心理技巧？奥兹给出了他职业生涯中最重要的一条黄金法则：“唤醒你内心的读心师——永远不要想着你自己，把一切核心都放在对方身上”（Channeling your inner mentalist: It's not about you, it's always about them）。
奥兹以自己的亲身经历作为范例：作为一名魔术师和读心师，他曾数十次受邀登上全美著名的严肃财经媒体 CNBC。在 CNBC 的历史上，从未有其他魔术师能够登台，因为严肃的财经观众根本不想看一个魔术师展示自鸣得意的扑克牌技巧。奥兹之所以能成为常客，是因为他把整个表演的聚光灯彻底打在观众和财经主题上：
- **定制化叙事**：在财经节目中，他的所有演示都紧紧围绕股票走势、债券收益率、分红和利率展开；
- **同频共振**：如果面对的是一群橄榄球运动员，所有的内容都会基于橄榄球比赛的战术与场景来重新构建；
- **摆脱自我中心**：普通人推销时总是在强调“我的产品有多好”、“我的技巧多厉害”，而顶级沟通者永远在思考“坐在对面的这个人，此刻真正在意的是什么”。
### [17:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1025s) 从“我”到“你”：读心术式的商业沟通与消除抗拒
在向客户或观众做展示时，绝大多数人常犯的一个致命错误就是全程自我中心：“我有多棒？我的产品有多优秀？”这完全是“我、我、我”的视角。真正的说服必须切换为“以利益为导向的语言（benefits-oriented language）”，将焦点彻底转移到对方身上。听众、消费者和客户会主动告诉你他们的痛点，你所要做的就是把他们需要的答案反馈回去。
这种沟通的核心在于主动挖掘并解决客户心中的“抗拒点（moments of resistance）”。心灵魔术师在台上不是随意猜测，而是提前洞察观众的想法；在商业场景中，你同样需要像心灵魔术师那样，去预判究竟是什么在阻止客户签字买单。如果客户担心系统迁移带来的停机损失，你就要在对方提出之前准备好应对策略，精准消除顾虑，让他们挑不出拒绝的理由。
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 读心术式沟通与传统销售沟通对比
accDescr: 展示以自我为中心与以客户为中心的沟通模式差异及最终结果
subgraph WrongWay ["传统错误沟通模式"]
A1["自我中心视角<br>'我有多优秀 / 产品多厉害'"] --> B1["忽视客户抗拒与真实顾虑"]
B1 --> C1["客户产生心理防御<br>拒绝买单"]
end
subgraph RightWay ["读心术式沟通模式"]
A2["以利益为导向<br>'关注对方缺失与现状瓶颈'"] --> B2["倾听并预判核心痛点<br>例如无停机迁移需求"]
B2 --> C2["逐一化解抗拒点<br>顺理成章促成合作"]
end
```
### [18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1120s) 随手记录的力量与“人生主角”法则
当被问及在面对像 Uber CEO 这样的大人物前，是否需要写下所有预判与应对预案时，演讲者指出，把一切细节记录下来彻底改变了他的人生。他在新书《Read Your Mind》中专门用了一整章阐述做笔记的魔力。每一场演出或社交互动结束后，无论是在赶往下一站的 Uber 车里还是在酒店房间，他都会在记忆完全清晰的第一时间，用一套速记符号飞速写下见到的所有人、发生的具体细节和个人特征。
信息就是力量。每个人在自己的世界里都是“自己这部电影的主角”，配偶、朋友、摄像师和周围其他人不过是配角。人们最在意的永远是自己、家庭、朋友和事业。比如昨晚演出后遇到的一位女士，随口提到自己有两个分别 3 岁和 5 岁的孩子，大儿子极度迷恋某个 YouTube 网红，以及他们住在哪里。对那位女士而言，这些日常闲聊如同用后即焚的阅后即焚信息，转身就忘；但如果你能在几个月、一年甚至十年后再次相遇时精准提起，对方感受到的震撼就像中了彩票一样。
- **三年前的 ATM 密码案例**：曾有一名客户在三年前的表演中被猜出银行卡密码是 6124，三年后再次偶遇时，演讲者直接打趣说：“约翰，我真希望你后来把那个 6124 的密码改掉了。”对方当场被震惊得无以复加。
- **并非超自然记忆**：这不是靠超能力，纯粹是因为提前翻看了过去的记录，用这种看似微小的举动让对方感受到被重视。
- **善意互惠闭环**：为你接触的人创造难忘的时刻，他们就会在未来数年里不断向别人谈论你；你给予他人的关注越丰厚，世界越会以惊人的方式回馈你。
### [21:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1280s) 信息的“无到期日优惠券”与小事的悖论
在实操层面，完全可以通过手机日历和备忘录来完成记录。每次活动后，演讲者都会详细写下主持人的名字、配偶、几个孩子（例如是否是双胞胎）、现场表演了哪些魔术、发生了什么即兴笑料。这些信息就像是一张“永不过期的优惠券”，而且存放的时间越久，兑现时的威力反而越巨大。
如果昨天对方告诉你最喜欢的颜色是洋红（magenta），你明天提起来并不稀奇；但如果两年后偶然路过一辆车时，你随口说一句：“史蒂夫，这车是你最喜欢的洋红，对吧？”对方的大脑会瞬间分泌多巴胺，被深深打动。整套处世哲学的精髓就在于：**想办法让对方发光，你自己自然就会发光。**
两人进一步探讨了“小事的悖论（paradox of small things）”。正如史蒂芬·巴特利特在吉米·法伦（Jimmy Fallon）的节目中所感悟到的，播客结尾的一个小传统竟然让吉米当场感动落泪。绝大多数人认为记住别人的名字、家庭成员琐事是无关紧要的细枝末节，但正因为大多数人都忽视它，当有个人能准确记住这些属于你的细节时，这种举动就变得极其罕见、极其震撼。那些看似微不足道的小事，实际上才是决定人际关系成败的大事。
### [23:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1431s) 华尔街岁月：一句看似随意的玩笑如何逆转人生轨迹
许多看似微小的瞬间，往往会成为人生道路上的关键分水岭。在全职从事心灵魔术之前，演讲者曾在华尔街的美林证券（Merrill Lynch）全球技术服务部（位于格林街 95 号）工作。当时他从未想过自己能靠当魔术师或心灵师谋生，这在当时的他看来完全是天方夜谭。
转折点发生在一次公司内部活动中。他为美林证券的首席财务官（CFO，一位澳大利亚人）表演手法魔术：手中拿着五张 1 美元的钞票，打一个响指，瞬间全部变成了 100 美元整钞。CFO 当场大笑并开玩笑说：“伙计，我们需要你来我们这儿上班！”演讲者脱口而出：“长官，真巧，我其实就在这儿上班。”CFO 最初以为只是个段子，直到他报出具体的部门和工位地址，CFO 停下来看着他，极其认真地反问了一句：
> “你这么有本事，到底为什么还要在这儿打工？”（"What are you doing working here?"）
对那位 CFO 来说，这或许只是几秒钟后就会遗忘的随口一句话；但对演讲者而言，这句话如同在脑海深处扣动了开关，让他彻底反思：“我到底在这儿干什么？这是我未来一辈子要走的路吗？还是我要为了仅有一次的人生全力搏一把？”这并不是盲目劝所有人明天就辞职，而是一个直击灵魂的叩问：看着镜子里的自己，问问这到底是不是你真正想要的生活。正是这类看似微小的契机，促使人下定决心、制定周全计划，去追求更高更远的人生阶段。
### [25:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1519s) 离开美林证券的豪赌：“为什么不能是我？”
Steven Bartlett 提起 Oz Pearlman 当初毅然离开华尔街顶尖投行美林证券（Merrill Lynch）转行做专职读心师的经历，直言这是一次巨大的飞跃。Oz 回忆道，当时身边的每个人都觉得他疯了，虽然当面大家都客气地表达祝贺，但关起门来私底下几乎都在说：“这孩子彻底疯了。”Steven 指出，从统计概率学来看，成为一名极其成功的读心术专家的几率低到几乎可以忽略不计，全世界能够靠此赚大钱的顶尖表演者屈指可数。
面对这种统计学上的残酷现实，Oz 提出了一个彻底改变人生轨迹的思维模型——“为什么不能是我？”（Why not me?）。他强调，现实中确实存在冰冷的数据，但脑海中的内心声音与叙事闭环决定了最终的结果。如果一个人在心理上预设的是成功而不是失败，就不会被极低的概率所吓倒。对 Oz 而言，心态的框架设定才是战胜现实阻力的关键所在。
### [26:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1571s) 读心术的本质与震撼的名字读心演示
谈到读心术的核心到底有多少是源于对人类行为的理解，Oz 斩钉截铁地回答：“全部。我本质上就是一个研究人类行为的学生。”Steven 随后聊到英国著名心智主义大师 Derren Brown，提到自己从这位好友身上学到的一点是：魔术的核心就是声东击西——让你误以为戏法发生在左手，其实关键动作全在右手完成。Oz 完全认同这一点，并指出这种引导和误导正是基于对人类行为模式的精准把控：通过控制注意力和思维走向，诱导对方做出选择，或者在毫无察觉的情况下泄露内心深处的秘密。
为了直观证明这一点，Oz 现场与 Steven 进行了一场极度扣人心弦的互动：
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 读心术心理引导与线索捕捉流程
accDescr: 展示从构建视觉记忆回溯、锁定目标字母到排除推理的读心演示全过程
subgraph Step1["场景引导与情绪锚定"]
A["闭眼想象访谈过的嘉宾约500期节目"] --> B["肩膀被拍，与产生强烈触动的人对视"]
B --> C["瞬间联想到现实中的第二个人"]
end
subgraph Step2["微表情捕捉与心理博弈"]
C --> D["确认今天刚联系过此人并在心中默数名字字母数"]
D --> E["通过向上移动的眼球微动作锁定为5个字母"]
E --> F["预判反套路心理：排除首字母与元音"]
end
subgraph Step3["锁定答案与双重验证"]
F --> G["抛出字母L测试反应，Steven否认"]
G --> H["提前在白板写下预测：想过S并从L切换"]
H --> I["揭晓答案：名字为 Jules"]
end
```
- **记忆回溯与视觉联想**：Oz 让 Steven 闭上眼睛，想象自己置身于一间坐满了他所尊重之人的房间（节目已录制约 500 期）。接着让 Steven 想象有人拍他的肩膀并对他说了一句极具冲击力的话，这种清晰感立刻让 Steven 联想到生活中的另一个人（第二个人）。
- **微反应捕捉字数**：当 Steven 睁开眼并确认自己“今天”才刚与这位第二个人通完话后，Oz 要求他在脑海中数对方名字的英文字母。通过观察 Steven 眼睛连续向上跳动了 5 次，Oz 当场准确断定：“这个名字是 5 个字母。”
- **逆向心理与排除法**：Oz 深入剖析 Steven 的商业访谈者心理和对 Derren Brown 技巧的了解，推断出 Steven 一定会故意反本能行事——既不会选容易被猜出的首字母，也不会选范围较窄的元音。
- **神级反转与揭晓**：Oz 试探性地询问 Steven 是否在想字母“L”，Steven 明确回答“不是”。Oz 随即露出笑容，表示这句“不”恰好出卖了全部答案。在让 Steven 重新闭上眼睛后，Oz 面向镜头亮出白板上早已写好的文字，并在 Steven 睁眼后揭开真相：Steven 原本想的是字母“S”，但后来改换成了“L”；而那个被读出的名字正是“Jules”。
### [29:46](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1786s) 赞助商插播：Pipedrive CRM
Steven Bartlett 插入了播客赞助商 Pipedrive 的商业推广。他分享道，在创业公司的销售团队工作往往充满挑战：一个月为获取销售线索（leads）疲于奔命，下一个月又可能被海量线索淹没，这种巨大的压力极易导致情绪影响判断，从而做出被动反应而非明智决策。由销售人员为销售人员量身定制的中小型企业第一大 CRM 工具 Pipedrive，能够帮助团队清晰聚焦值得投入的高价值机会。其团队目前正在使用全新的 Pipedrive Prospector AI 工具，能从超过 4 亿个档案中筛选出经过验证的决策人并提供联系方式。目前已有超过 10 万家公司使用该服务，听众访问 pipedrive.com/ceo 可享受专属的 30 天免费试用。
### [30:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1850s) 面对防备心极强的人：如何建立信任与掌控全场
回到对话，Steven 提出一个非常现实的困扰：当别人得知 Oz 是读心师时，往往会立刻充满戒备（on edge），心想“去你的，这家伙能猜出我的银行卡密码，我绝不能露出任何破绽”。针对这种天生的闭门心理，Oz 解释了自己破冰并让人卸下防备的核心法宝——成为一个讨人喜欢的人（likable）。
Oz 坦诚澄清，自己绝对没有特异功能，不是灵媒，也没有超自然力量。如果人们经过训练也能掌握部分技巧，但顶尖的表现往往伴随着天赋——正如他无论如何训练，也绝不可能拥有 Harry Styles 或 Ed Sheeran 的歌喉一样。针对 Steven 质疑读心术是否 100% 靠微表情或眼神，Oz 揭示了心智魔术的深层真相：读心师的核心工作是“多维度的误导”（misdirection）。眼神和肢体语言可能占了 10%、50% 或更多，但表演者会同时采用多种不同路径与方法；一旦观众自以为识破了某条线索，魔术师早就切换到了另一条赛道。
随后，Oz 将话题延伸到了普通人日常最需要的核心技能——自信心（Confidence）。
- **创伤与信心的演变**：Oz 透露自己在 14 岁接触魔术时并不是个超级自信的少年。当时父母刚刚离婚，家庭生活充满动荡，他钻研魔术在很大程度上是为了逃避现实中的创伤与悲伤。真正的自信是在日积月累中慢慢搭建起来的。
- **消除恐惧的心智捷径**：很多人在走进会议室发表演讲、或者面对数百万观众时会感到极度恐慌与拖延，特别是要打一通必须拒绝别人的艰难电话时更是如此。Oz 分享了自己的日常心理秘诀：每当面对令人畏惧的场面时，他会立即在脑海中问自己一个问题——“到了明天，我对这件事会有什么感觉？”通过将视角拉向未来，瞬间瓦解当下的恐慌，从而让自己像掌控舞台一样掌控整个房间。
### [34:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2044s) 情绪快进法：用“24小时测试”击碎拖延与恐惧
在面对棘手难题时，人们往往陷入长期的自我内耗与逃避。奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）提出了一种能够重塑大脑认知的情绪“快进”技巧。他向听众抛出一个极具共鸣的场景：现在是否有某通你完全不想打的电话？也许是必须通报某个坏消息，或者是明知接通后会被对方劈头盖脸痛骂一顿。大多数人的本能反应是极力回避，在日历上一推再推——从今天挪到明天，再挪到后天。
奥兹给出的破解之道极为干脆：**现在就去做，并立刻设置一个整整24小时之后的闹钟。**
在闹钟的备注里写上：“记录你对这件事的感觉，评分从1到10。”在拿起电话的那一刻，内心的恐惧与痛苦往往高达8、9甚至10分；然而，当24小时后的闹钟响起时，再去评估内心的波动，绝大多数情况下恐惧早已归零，甚至只剩2到3分的情绪残余——事情早已事过境迁。既然可以通过心理手法操控注意力，人们同样可以主动“欺骗”并重塑自己的大脑：在面临拖延时提前告诉自己“反正明天我根本就不会在乎了”，从而果断迈出行动的步伐。
```mermaid
flowchart LR
accTitle: 24-Hour Procrastination Rewire Process
accDescr: 克服拖延的24小时心理认知重塑流程图
subgraph Trigger["触发与行动"]
A["面临恐惧任务<br/>恐惧值 8-10 分"] --> B["立即执行并不再拖延"]
end
subgraph TimeLapse["时间快进"]
B --> C["设置24小时后闹钟"]
end
subgraph Result["情绪重置"]
C --> D["回顾情绪评分<br/>恐惧值降至 0-3 分"]
D --> E["认知重塑：<br/>快速行动，建立绝对自信"]
end
```
---
### [35:09](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2109s) 心理防火墙：分离“表演人格”以抵御被拒绝的刺痛
在职业生涯早期，奥兹经常在各类餐厅走台表演，屡屡遭遇极为残酷的人际拒绝。客人们常常挥着手粗暴地驱赶他：“走开，小鬼！”或者干脆将他视若空气。为了在日复一日的自尊打击中生存下来，他在精神层面建立了一种**双重人格隔离机制**：
- **表演者“奥兹”**：魔术师、舞台表演者、心灵主义者，负责在聚光灯下承担一切外界的互动。
- **真实的“奥兹·珀尔曼”**：内心深处真实的自我，与舞台上的角色完全脱钩。
每当在桌边碰壁或遭人无礼羞辱时，他便把痛苦转移到别处：“他们不喜欢的只是魔术师奥兹，那根本不是真正的我。”他做了一个生动的比喻：就像在面前盛满清水的碗里倒入盐，整碗水都会变咸；但若能用一块无形的透明隔板插入正中央，把所有的盐都倒进其中半边，另一半的淡水就能保持纯净不受污染。在追求目标的路上，大多数人裹足不前都是因为害怕失败、惧怕被拒绝的痛感。只要能够切断这种心理刺痛，就能把全副精力聚焦在如何让目标达成上，如同顶尖的企业家与运动员一般，依靠高度聚焦的执行力去真正实现（manifest）结果。
---
### [36:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2203s) 敏锐沟通与从灵感走向行动
谈及作为表演者的沟通风格时，奥兹强调，最关键的一点就是**时刻注视观众，因为观众的微反应永远不会说谎**。必须持续观察并解读观众抛来的所有非语言信号：
- **兴趣指标**：身体前倾、坐在椅子边缘、眼神专注。
- **脱节指标**：向后靠坐、频繁看表、打哈欠。
虽然在一千人的剧场中难免会有人宿醉或因为婴儿哭闹而整夜未眠，无法强求兼顾每一张面孔，但只要敏锐捕捉关键观众的反馈，就能迅速调整节奏、变换互动策略，牢牢抓住全场的注意力。
奥兹话锋一转，严厉批评了当今社会对“激励与灵感”的盲目崇拜：“**灵感和动机全都是垃圾（Inspiration and motivation is garbage）。我根本不在乎我有没有激励你，我要的是行动。**”无论目标是减肥还是赚大钱，空谈毫无意义。金钱能让生活变轻松，但他接触过无数富豪与亿万富翁，财富并不能直接带来内心的幸福与充实。随着自己成为父亲并深感生命苦短，他愈发意识到金钱不是成功的唯一标尺。
对于任何目标，最核心的是建立**问责机制（Accountability）**：
- **日程锁定**：不要只说“我好想跑步”，必须立刻在明天日历上写下“第一次跑步”，并在30天后设下核查提醒。
- **外部杠杆**：奥兹利用自己“讨厌丢脸（don't like to be embarrassed）”的心理，在报名10公里比赛后立刻发消息通知10位好友。如此一来，如果不跑，未来再次交谈时就不得不忍受面对10个人的羞愧。找到驱动自己的杠杆，将灵感化为即刻的行动。
---
### [39:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2381s) 声东击西的伦理，以及斯皮尔伯格给出的顶级倾听范本
史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）提出疑问：像达伦·布朗（Derren Brown）以及奥兹这类心灵大师，日常职业习惯是使用“声东击西（Misdirection）”的心理误导技巧让观众以为是右手其实是左手，这种技巧与他们在生活中真诚传授成功法则之间是否存在伦理冲突？
奥兹坦率回应，心灵术的技巧本身并不是什么超自然异能，猜纸牌、猜名字很多人都能做到。他之所以能脱颖而出、频繁登上各大电视舞台，本质上践行的是戴尔·卡耐基《人性的弱点》（*How to Win Friends and Influence People*）中永不过时的核心原则：**调转镜子的方向，把焦点从自己身上移开，让对方成为全场的焦点与明星。** 了解对方脑海深处的想法、维护对方的尊严、使其在人群中大放异彩，这才是现实世界中最高境界的心灵感应（mentalism）。唯有赢得他人的喜爱与信赖，在升职加薪或资源引荐的关键时刻，对方脑海中第一个浮现的才会是你。
谈到“如何成为一名卓越的主动倾听者（Active Listener）”，奥兹分享了一段与大导演史蒂芬·斯皮尔伯格（Steven Spielberg）交往的难忘经历：
- **场景**：奥兹受邀在斯皮尔伯格父亲的90岁私人寿宴上进行近景心灵术表演。
- **内心情绪**：奥兹自幼深受斯皮尔伯格电影的熏陶，面对这位塑造了自己童年乃至全球数十亿人梦想的传奇导演，内心极度紧张与激动，暗自准备好了一整套想要向导演请教的问题清单。
- **出人意料的结局**：演出结束后，斯皮尔伯格特意走上前来向他致谢。然而在整场谈话中，**奥兹最终问出的问题数量是零**。斯皮尔伯格全神贯注地主导了交流，语速飞快且接二连三地向奥兹提出各种问题，细致探寻奥兹的人生经历以及驱使他在心灵术领域深耕的内在动力。这位世界级名导对一个年轻表演者展现出的纯粹好奇心与倾听姿态，完美诠释了顶级主动倾听者的格局与魅力。
### [42:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2550s) 真正倾听的力量：打破“自动巡航”提问
当 Oz Pearlman 谈到与史蒂文·斯皮尔伯格（Steven Spielberg）见面的经历时，他深有感触地指出，当时斯皮尔伯格把谈话的重心完完全全放在了 Oz 身上，反而让 Oz 忍不住想说：“等一下，我还有问题要问你呢，你可是史蒂文·斯皮尔伯格啊！”那一刻让 Oz 明白了一个深刻的道理：**在任何场合中，最有趣的人（the most interesting person），往往是表现得最感兴趣的人（the most interested person）。** 那些真正成功且真诚的人，交流时会紧紧锁定你的眼神，绝不会心不在焉地东张西望，他们会给予你百分之百的专注，并抛出那些其他人从未问过的深刻问题。
现实生活中，绝大多数人在社交场合都会直接开启“自动巡航模式”，问出诸如“你是做什么工作的？”这种千篇一律的套路问题。Oz 挑战大家跳出这种平庸的常态，成为社交中的“离群值”（outlier）。无论是提前构思还是临场发挥，都应该提出那些能把对方从自动反应中震醒的问题，让对方忍不住惊叹：“哇，我以前还真没想过这个问题。”此外，尽量避免“是/否”选择题，多提出开放式、能让对方探索自我的问题，这才是积极倾听（active listening）的核心。在舞台表演中，Oz 同样秉持这一原则，让观众的兴趣来主导整场演出的走向。
### [43:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2631s) 现场读心测试：猜中 Steven 的心仪座驾
为了直观展示心理暗示与读心术，Oz 与 Steven Bartlett 展开了一场即兴的心理互动。进录音棚前，Oz 曾让 Steven 在脑海中选定一个特定类别的“最爱”，且不写在纸上，仅凭口头互动来猜。Steven 当场公开了问题：“我最喜欢的车是什么？（What is my favorite car?）”
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 读心术中的思维引导与破绽捕捉
accDescr: 展示 Oz 如何通过语言指令、观察反应捕捉线索并最终锁定目标车型的过程。
subgraph Phase1["语言测试与试探"]
A["设定规则：想一个词并挑出一个字母"] --> B{"Steven 迟疑反问：'其中的一个词？'"}
B --> C["捕获关键破绽：名字本身只有一个词"]
end
subgraph Phase2["心理排查与直觉推导"]
C --> D["排除法：排除玛莎拉蒂、法拉利等豪车"]
D --> E["字母试探：询问是否想过字母 'Y'"]
E --> F["闭眼感知：直觉锁定科技硬核风格"]
end
subgraph Phase3["最终揭晓与验证"]
F --> G["写下预言纸条并封存"]
G --> H["Steven 公布答案：Cybertruck"]
H --> I["反向验证：Steven 承认最初确实想了字母 'Y' 后换成了 'T'"]
end
Phase1 --> Phase2 --> Phase3
```
Oz 引导 Steven 在脑海中构思该车型的名字，并假设它由多个词组成，让 Steven 从中挑出一个词、再挑出一个字母。这时 Steven 困惑地反问了一句：“其中的一个词？”这个微小的停顿立刻被 Oz 捕捉——如果名字本来就是好几个词，Steven 绝不会感到困惑，这说明该车型的名字本身就只有一个词。随后 Oz 故意询问他是否想的是最后一个字母，并试探了字母“Y”，同时根据对 Steven 性格的判断，排除了玛莎拉蒂、法拉利或兰博基尼等传统豪车路线。Oz 让 Steven 闭上眼睛并在便签上写下答案。Steven 最终公布了真实答案：**特斯拉赛博皮卡（Cybertruck）**，正是 Oz 写在纸上的结果。惊人的是，Steven 随后坦白，自己最初在脑海中浮现的确实是字母“Y”，后来才临时改成了“T”。
### [46:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2800s) 表演失误的哲学与用脆弱感破冰
当 Steven 问及表演是否遭遇过灾难性失误时，Oz 坦言，回顾十五年前的电视表演确实出现过彻底搞砸的时刻。但正是那些挫败让他领悟到一个核心法则：**绝不能线性地向观众摊牌**。如果你提前宣告“我要猜出 X”，一旦猜错就是彻头彻尾的失败；但如果你不告诉观众电影的结局，即便你展现出一个备选结局，观众也根本意识不到这不是预设的轨道。掌控权必须始终握在自己手中，同时进行多维度的探索，你总能顺势找到成功的路径。
在日常社交破冰方面，Oz 分享了他消除他人戒备心理的秘密武器——**将内心独白大声说出来，主动展现脆弱感**：
- 当置身于令人尴尬不适的社交环境时，人们的本能通常是封闭自己、退缩防御。
- 真正高段位的做法是主动走到别人面前坦白：“我太紧张了，这里我一个人都不认识，你有认识的人吗？”
- 适度展现脆弱（而非无休止的过度倾诉 oversharing），能让对方瞬间感受到你是一个真实、有血有肉的人，从而极快地建立起亲近感与信任感。
### [48:57](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2937s) 从寻求关注到制造记忆：记忆力为何是现代超级能力
针对喜剧演员吉米·卡尔（Jimmy Carr）曾提出的洞察——“喜剧演员的核心问题往往是：你究竟在试图逗谁开心？”，Oz 反思了自己投身魔术的初衷。他坦承自己童年时虽然不内向，但有些紧张和笨拙，缺乏那种走进房间就自带光芒的天生魅力，因此魔术成了他与人建立连接的“作弊工具”。他渴望看到人们震惊、狂喜的表情，这种对正面反馈的追求一度像是一种“瘾”。
但他强调，自己现在的职业追求绝非“欺骗（deceive）”或“愚弄（fool）”，而是**创造难忘的时刻（create memorable moments）**。如果一场表演仅仅是让人感到惊奇，但观众转头就忘，那便是彻底的失败，就像看完一部爆米花动作电影，出门十分钟就记不得剧情一样；在表演与沟通中，最大的敌人是“冷漠与遗忘（apathy）”。
这也正是 Oz 在其著作第 166 页重点强调“记忆力”的原因。现代人过度依赖科技，没了 GPS 连隔壁街区都不会开，没了智能手机甚至连一个朋友的电话号码都背不出来。在这种普遍退化的大环境下，**优秀的记忆力成为了一种不可思议的社交超级能力**。最典型的痛点就是：刚与人握手打招呼，对方的名字明明一秒前刚报出来，大脑却瞬间一片空白；随后整场谈话都充满焦虑与恐惧，只能拼命寻找熟人过来寒暄以掩盖尴尬。掌握真正的记忆技巧，是摆脱这种社交困境、与他人建立深度羁绊的关键。
### [51:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3104s) 洗发水法则：倾听、重复与回应
在人际交往中，记不住别人的名字是极其普遍的痛点。奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）将洗发水瓶身背面最经典的三个使用步骤——“起泡、冲洗、重复”（Lather, rinse, repeat）——进行改造，提出了一个让人过目不忘的社交记忆框架：“倾听、重复、回应”（Listen, repeat, reply）。他戏谑道，洗发水上的“起泡让你头发香，冲洗带走污垢，而重复只是为了让潘婷（Pantene Pro-V）多卖几瓶”，但人际交往里的这三步却环环相扣。
第一步是“倾听”（Listen）。看似简单甚至略带滑稽，但这恰恰是 95% 的人彻底搞砸的地方。大部分人并不是“记忆力差”，而是在握手的那一瞬间，大脑根本没有录入对方的名字。人类的大脑就像计算机的读写机制，很难在同一瞬间同时进行“读”和“写”。当你走向一个人时，你的脑子正在飞速预演自己下一秒要说什么、如何表现，根本没有空闲去接收外界信号。因此，首要的技巧是在走上前的那一秒强迫自己“大脑静音”（Quiet your mind），全神贯注去听。
第二步是“重复”（Repeat）。在听到名字后，必须立即在自然对话中重复两到三次。例如刚打招呼就询问：“Steven，是叫 Steve 还是 Steven？我想确认一下。”仅仅这一个确认动作，你就已经在几秒钟内把对方的名字念了三遍，遗忘的几率随之断崖式下跌。
第三步是“回应”（Reply）。奥兹提供了三种快速建立记忆锚点（Mental Hooks）的应对策略：
- **询问拼写法**：如果对方的名字有不同拼写形式，可以问：“Steven 是带 V 还是 PH？”当对方回答是带 V 时，顺势评价：“我也更喜欢带 V 的拼法，这才是正统写法，对吧？”这一句互动瞬间在大脑中把“Steven with a V”固化为鲜明的概念。
- **视觉挂钩法**：如果名字非常普通（如 Jacob）无法探讨拼写，就立刻寻找对方身上的视觉特征进行绑定：“Jacob，你这件 V 领上衣很棒，哪里买的？特别提精神。”这样一来，大脑中的标签就变成了“穿 V 领衬衫的 Jacob”。
- **人际联结法**：迅速将对方的名字与自己认识的熟人建立关联，比如随口提到：“真巧，我姐姐正巧也和一个叫 Steven 的人约会，世界真小。”
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 社交姓名记忆三步法
accDescr: 展示倾听、重复、回应三个记忆阶段的具体操作
subgraph S1["第一阶段：倾听 Listen"]
A["清空大脑杂念<br/>Quiet your mind"] --> B["专注接收对方姓名<br/>避免同时读写"]
end
subgraph S2["第二阶段：重复 Repeat"]
B --> C["立即口头重复2-3次<br/>例如：确认昵称与全称"]
end
subgraph S3["第三阶段：回应 Reply"]
C --> D{"选择记忆锚点"}
D --> E["询问名字拼法<br/>如 V 还是 PH"]
D --> F["视觉特征绑定<br/>如 V领衫的 Jacob"]
D --> G["熟人关系联结<br/>如 我姐姐也认识一个..."]
end
```
- 整套“倾听、重复、回应”的闭环只需要在见面最初的 5 秒钟内完成。
- 人人都喜欢赞美，也都习惯视觉挂钩；只要经过练习，在派对或会议上记住新朋友的名字就像记住最好朋友的名字一样简单。
---
### [54:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3250s) 忘记名字的补救之道与坦诚的价值
史蒂文·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）对此深有共鸣。他指出，许多人在商业谈判或重要会议中，误以为名字只是微不足道的“小细节”。创业者带着几百万美元的融资提案走进会议室，满脑子都是广告活动（campaign）的展示方案、商业模式与报价结构，机械地握手打招呼：“嗨，Deborah，很高兴认识你，Deborah。”随后坐下继续沉浸在演示文稿中，不到三分钟就将对方的名字忘得一干二净。直到叫错名字引发尴尬，才意识到给对方留下了糟糕透顶的第一印象。
对此，奥兹给出了应对遗忘的解法。许多人觉得当面承认忘记名字是一件奇耻大辱，但实际上真诚且坦率地承认反而能拉近距离。你可以大方地说：“抱歉，我真的非常想记住，不知道为什么脑子突然短路了一下，能麻烦你再告诉我一次你的名字吗？”这种表态传递出的是你依然对对方抱有真诚的兴趣。人都是脆弱且不完美的，展现出这种人性化的一面没有任何不妥。如果实在想不起来，奥兹甚至会主动索取提示：“快给我点线索，提醒我一下我们是怎么认识的！”一旦对方提到引荐人，比如“我们是通过 Steven 认识的”，记忆的挂钩就会立刻重新被激活。
---
### [55:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3338s) 赞助商插播：精准触达与数字业务起步
在播客中段，史蒂文插入了本期节目的两家品牌赞助信息：
- **LinkedIn Ads**：史蒂文提到很多企业创始人困惑为什么广告投放效果不彰，问题往往不在于文案或创意不够好，而在于根本没有触达对的人。针对 B2B 营销，LinkedIn Ads 凭借其涵盖全球超过 10 亿专业人士的数据库，能够按照职位头衔、资历级别、公司规模、所属行业乃至个人技能进行极度精准的定位。史蒂文基于自身经验指出，LinkedIn 广告在全网各大平台中拥有最高的 B2B 广告支出回报率（ROAS）。当前访问 `linkedin.com/diary` 并在首个广告活动中消费 250 美元，即可获得史蒂文赠送的额外 250 美元广告抵用金。
- **Stan Store**：史蒂文作为联合创始人的数字开店平台。史蒂文分享道，生活中取得胜利的人从不需要完美的计划，他们只是迈出第一步并保持专注与执着。Stan Store 旨在帮助创业者、创作者将自身知识转化为被动收入，仅需几分钟即可上线销售数字产品、一对一咨询、会员服务或在线社群，免除了繁琐的技术部署。观众可通过 `stevenbartlett.stand.store` 领取 14 天免费试用。
---
### [57:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3449s) 故事包装的力量与“天花板飞牌”心理学
当被问及还有哪些核心法则能够直接提升普通人的生活时，奥兹回顾了自己职业生涯的关键信条：消除对被拒绝的恐惧、善于随时记录灵感、将焦点放在他人身上，以及最重要的一项——“把信息包裹在故事里”（wrapping things up in a story）。故事之所以具有无可比拟的力量，是因为故事早已深深植根于人类的 DNA 之中，能够被人脑自然而然地留存。每个人都拥有属于自己的故事，而人生的一大课题就是明确“是什么让你变得难以忘怀”。当你能让人长久记住并谈论你，无论从事什么行业，都会从中获得巨大的复利。
奥兹随后分享了自己少年时期表演“天花板飞牌”（Card on Ceiling）的经典魔术案例，以此揭示人类记忆的高度可塑性：
- 观众从扑克牌中抽出一张牌并签上名字，牌被放回牌堆；
- 奥兹用力将整副牌甩向天花板，扑克牌纷纷散落回落到地面，唯独那张带签名的牌牢牢粘在了天花板上；
- 令人吃惊的是，当观众事后向朋友转述这个不可思议的神迹时，竟然无一例外地抹去了“魔术师把整副牌扔向天花板”这一关键物理动作，将其描述成牌凭空出现在了天花板上。
奥兹起初百思不解，后来顿悟其中的心理学奥秘：**你的焦点决定了对方的焦点**（What I put my attention on, they put their attention on）。在把牌扔向天花板的瞬间，奥兹自己并没有抬头看，而是淡定地在牌飞出的瞬间伸手接住落下的牌盒。这个极度微小的肢体细节，让观众的视线完全没有被天花板吸引，而是留给观众随后自己抬头“发现”粘在天花板上的卡牌。观众的大脑在回忆重构时，自然地删除了抛掷的过程，于是一个普通技巧在人们的口耳相传中被升华为真正的“奇迹”。奥兹由此得出一个终身受用的认知：“你在现实中做了什么并不重要，重要的是人们最终记住了什么，以及他们事后会向别人讲述怎样的故事。”
史蒂文深表赞同，并结合自己的播客主持经历指出，主持人的眼神和注意力是极具感染力的导向标。在录制现场，如果主持人因为查看面前散落的笔记、道具、照片或思考下一个问题而频繁低头，对面的嘉宾立刻就会察觉并分心。不仅在演播室，现实生活中的每个人也经常犯下同样的错误——比如在交谈中不自觉地伸手去拿手机，这种注意力的移开瞬间就会打破彼此建立的连接。
### [01:00:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3621s) 注意力引导与记忆的“蚀刻板”重写
对话深入探讨了心灵魔术与日常沟通的核心机制：注意力与可塑的记忆。史蒂芬·巴特利特领悟到之前的纸牌魔术所揭示的真理——“人们的注意力完全跟着你的视线走”。在面对客户或重要谈话时，哪怕只是不自觉地瞟一眼手表，对方的目光就会立刻被牵引过去；就在刚才，奥兹仅用余光向下扫了一眼，史蒂芬的视线便不由自主地跟随。奥兹强调，除了把控对方的注意力，更重要的是明白“人类的记忆极具可塑性”（Memory is malleable）。
在魔术表演中，奥兹经常运用“制造混乱”（Confusion）的心理策略。人类的大脑几乎无法在同一微秒内同时执行“读取”与“写入”操作。当心灵师有意抛出令观众困惑的细节时，大脑就像被剧烈摇晃的画板（Etch-A-Sketch）一样，原先清晰连贯的事件序列被瞬间抹去，观众根本无法精准回忆起上一秒发生了什么。奥兹将这段尚未成型的记忆形容为“一幅未干的水彩画”——在水分蒸发前，他可以随意挪动画布上的元素、重新涂抹轮廓，彻底改写对方日后对整个事件的记忆。
在舞台演讲和公开表达中，这种手法表现为“提前替听众编写他们日后转述的故事”，并有针对性地剔除破绽细节：
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 记忆重塑与双重现实机制
accDescr: 展现魔术师如何通过混淆和修剪记忆在观众和旁观者脑中制造认知差异
subgraph S1["记忆重写过程"]
A["初始诱导与复杂设问"] --> B["植入困惑打乱认知<br/>(摇晃画板)"]
B --> C["未定型的记忆<br/>(未干的水彩画)"]
C --> D["删除关键设定<br/>重构记忆版本"]
end
subgraph S2["双重现实 (Dual Reality)"]
D --> E["当事人记忆：<br/>'他猜透了我的初吻'"]
D --> F["旁观者认知：<br/>'随口一想竟然全对'"]
end
```
- **初吻心理实验的构建**：奥兹举例说明，若要猜出对方“初吻对象的名字”，他最初的提问可能是“想一个对你很重要的人”，但在随后的引导中逐渐缩小范围锁定到“初吻”。当当事人被揭秘震撼后，其大脑会自动过滤掉前半段严密的筛选框架，日后向朋友转述时只会夸大成：“他让我随便想一个人，我脑子里闪过初吻对象，他居然直接猜中了！”
- **双重现实（Dual Reality）的运作**：在场围观的群众接收到的信息与当事人体验到的并不对称。如同半途加入谈话的人，虽然不清楚前置语境，却见证了不可思议的结局。
- **一对一 vs 群体互动的难度**：心灵魔术极度依赖群体动态与从众心理。在多车道高速公路上超车尚有腾挪空间，而在录音室面对面紧盯的一对一单挑中，双方注意力高度锁定，没有任何第三方群体可以借力分流，对心灵师技巧的严谨度要求极高。
---
### [01:03:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3788s) 狂热执念、热爱与攀登顶峰的代价
史蒂芬拿出一张奥兹大约14岁时在餐厅表演魔术的老照片，指出他现年43岁，几乎大半辈子都沉浸在这一件事中。两人就“登顶极小众垂直领域究竟需要多大程度的执念（Obsession）”展开探讨。奥兹并不认为纯粹的时间长度（如30年）是绝对门槛，因为行业中也有在压缩周期内迅速爆发的天才，但他将“狂热与激情”（Passion）视为人生最大的恩赐。那些真正能让他兴奋、令他肃然起敬的人，无一例外都在某一领域近乎痴迷——即便对方是个执迷于垃圾分类与回收的清洁工，那种全身心投入的灼热感也能深深感染周围的人。
史蒂芬分享了他与知名音乐人 DJ EZ 的对话：DJ EZ 每天要花整整7个小时，以每首20秒的速度疯狂试听700首全新音轨，其操作混音台的专注与精妙宛如魔术师施法。公众往往只看到端坐在聚光灯下的成功者，却看不到幕后那段枯燥混乱的漫长旅途。当史蒂芬询问为了站在这里承受所有混乱“到底值不值得（worth the trade）”时，奥兹当即反驳了这种将追求视为“代价”的负面视角：
> “你用‘值不值’这个词，仿佛这是一件带有负面代价的事。我觉得它赋予了我生命的定义。能够拥有热爱，是世上极少数人才能获得的恩赐。我感觉自己在人生的彩票中中了头奖——能遇见有趣的人、能给他人带来快乐、能追逐梦想，我所做的一切皆由我自主决定。我连哪怕一秒钟的牢骚都发不出来。”
- **创作与输出的心态反转**：奥兹坦言自己即使现在也会在某些时刻被创意灵感彻底占据，但他抗拒将自我视作必须被崇拜的中心。无论写书还是表演，他的底层逻辑永远是：“谁在乎我是谁？我必须向你证明你为什么要看我、为什么这段内容值得你的时间、它能为你的现实生活提供什么实质价值。”
- **成名与自尊的底层锚点**：谈及年少时的自己若能预知未来是否会有所退缩，奥兹指出了成功最大的陷阱——绝不能把自尊建立在外界赋予的事物（如名声、金钱等可随时被剥夺的虚名）之上。任何事业都有其客观生命周期与高潮低谷；顶峰之后必有下行，唯有向内竞争、挑战自我舒适圈，才能在周期的起伏中守住自我的核心。
### [01:08:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4094s) 无法被购买的成就感与成功的真正代价
Oz Pearlman 深刻剖析了当今社会中“购买”与“争取（Earned）”之间的本质区别。在如今这个充满网红和买粉现象的时代，许多表象的虚荣指标都可以被金钱买到，但这往往显得脆弱而浮躁；真正能够带给人恒久满足感的，是那些必须靠自身长期努力才能换来的成就。Oz 指向主持人 Steven Bartlett 直言，Steven 如今所拥有的影响力与庞大团队，正是数十年来用汗水、心血以及对自我的坚定信念一点一滴换来的（Sweat Equity）——从最初抓住每一次微弱的势头，到借此邀请到更有影响力的重量级嘉宾。人们必须明确自己的目标，因为在向目标全力以赴的过程中，才会体会到真正的充实感。
然而，追求卓越的背后必然伴随着沉重的代价。Oz 坦言，自己职业生涯中最大的负面代价就是长期在外奔波演出的旅途生活，这意味着他必须频繁离开妻子和孩子。但他无法放弃这些，因为要在事业上取得顶尖成就，就必须常年奔波在外。他必须在“让孩子们想念父亲”与“为他们的未来创造优渥生活”、以及平衡自己巨大的职业雄心之间寻找微妙的平衡点。
---
### [01:09:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4158s) 掌控心智：设定量化目标与建立微习惯
针对如何践行 David Goggins 在 Oz 新书《Read Your Mind》扉页所写的那句赠言——“学会掌控最强大的武器：你的大脑”（Learn to master the most powerful weapon, your mind），Oz 给出了极其具体的行动指南。他指出，首要的一步是直面内心并明确定义目标。面对镜子时的绝对诚实至关重要，因为即便是他自己，也常常会被不配感和自我怀疑所困扰。他提到 David Goggins 固然像一台永不停歇的机器，但 Goggins 在面对寒风冻雨时同样不想出门跑步；Goggins 坚持去跑的唯一原因，正是“因为自己不想去”——这才是真正磨砺心智的时刻。正如 Oz 自己在做高强度训练时，每当到了最痛苦难熬的极限节点，他都会在内心告诉自己：“之前的一切都很轻松，唯独现在的痛苦才是真正让我成长的地方。”
Oz 向所有听众发起挑战：不要立那些虚无缥缈的高调目标，而是从这期播客中确立一个清晰、可量化的具体目标，并立即着手制定能够辅助成功的微习惯支持系统。针对许多人“1 月 1 日发誓健身，到了 2 月健身房空无一人”的恶性循环，Oz 强调，习惯养成的关键难关就在前几周的拐点。正如 James Clear 在《Atomic Habits》（掌控习惯）中所阐述的那样，一旦某件事通过刻意练习转化成肌肉记忆，它就会变成自驱动的正向循环。Oz 举例称自己最初并不喜欢跑步，但如今长跑已成为他的度假方式和灵感心流（Flow State）的源泉；保持身体活动和健康饮食，本身就能解决现代人大多数因生活方式不当而引发的慢性疾病。
- **设定量化目标的三个核心法则**：
- 必须具备具体数字或清晰可衡量、可落地的成果，拒绝宽泛空洞的概念。
- 将注意力集中在起步阶段的前几周，跨越最艰难的“习惯拐点”。
- 将身体活动视作精神健康的重要抓手，通过微小而持续的付出维持长期复利。
---
### [01:11:54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4314s) 终极心智揭秘：早被预言的“米歇尔·奥巴马”
在对谈渐入佳境之时，Oz 突然话锋一转，将记忆拉回到节目早些时候的心智植入环节。他提醒 Steven Bartlett 回忆：当时 Oz 让 Steven 闭上双眼，在脑海中快速掠过成百上千张不同面孔——包括 Steven 曾经遇见的熟人、各界名流、他所欣赏与深切在乎的每个人。在那个冥想过程中，Oz 引导 Steven 想象其中有一位特定的人物走上前轻轻拍了拍他的肩膀，并对他说了一句极具启迪性的人生建议，正是那句建议在 Steven 脑海中引发了连锁反应（包括此前猜出的特定珠宝/手表等细节）。
Oz 紧接着盯着 Steven 的眼睛，要求他大声说出当时脑海中浮现的、拍他肩膀并改变他一生的那个人到底是谁。Steven 毫不犹豫地回答：“Michelle Obama（米歇尔·奥巴马）。”随后，Oz 示意 Steven 打开此前早就放置在桌上的折叠纸条。Steven 展开纸张，赫然发现里面印着一张清晰的米歇尔·奥巴马的照片，现场瞬间爆发出一阵难以置信的赞叹与笑声。
---
### [01:13:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4390s) 假如可以长生不死？科幻视角下的死亡与童心之美
按照《The Diary Of A CEO》每期节目的标志性传统，上一位未具名嘉宾给 Oz 留下了一个引人深思的问题：“如果你可以长生不死，你会愿意吗？为什么愿意，或者为什么不愿意？”Oz 思考片刻后给出了肯定的回答，坦言自己自幼便对科幻小说极度痴迷，并特别推荐了知名科幻作家 Octavia E. Butler 的冷门神作《Wild Seed》。该书深刻探讨了永生的残酷一面：当一个人看着身边的挚爱与同伴一个个衰老死去，人类的生命在其眼中最终会变得如同朝生暮死的昆虫，长此以往，这个人必然会变得彻底麻木冷酷，而永生最终或将沦为一种诅咒；但与此同时，直面那不可避免的“深渊之死亡”与最后一口气，是全人类终其一生都在下意识回避的恐惧。
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: 人生对死亡与好奇心的心智演变
accDescr: 展示从童年对世界充满惊奇，到成年后变得麻木疲惫并回避死亡，再到通过心智开放重新找回生命活力的演化过程。
subgraph Phase1["童真阶段"]
A["孩童视界<br/>对万物充满惊奇与纯粹喜悦"]
end
subgraph Phase2["成人与现实"]
B["成年后的麻木与自动化<br/>日复一日的惯性生活"]
C["对死亡深渊的本能回避<br/>产生疏离感与焦虑情绪"]
B --> C
end
subgraph Phase3["重获新生"]
D["魔术与心智冲击<br/>打破认知自动导航模式"]
E["重拾好奇心与开放心智<br/>通过孩子之眼感受'永生'"]
D --> E
end
A --> B
C --> D
```
Steven 感叹 Oz 的魔术不仅仅是技巧表演，其最宝贵的核心在于它能打破人们日益冷漠、疏离的生活惯性，重新激活大众的“好奇心与开放心智（Curious and Open-Minded）”。Oz 深表认同并补充道，成年人往往陷入日复一日的情绪自动巡航（Autopilot），而他毕生追求的正是给人们带来那种久违的震撼感知。他动情地提到，每当看着自己两三岁的孩子第一次注视蝴蝶飞舞时眼眸里闪烁的纯真光彩，他便体会到了人世间最极致的喜悦——这代际传承的生命惊奇，正是他心中真正的“长生不死”。正因如此，当他作为同行被其他顶尖魔术师彻底骗倒时，他会克制住自己想要探寻机关的职业好奇心，尽情享受那份成年后极其罕见、无比纯粹的惊奇震撼。
### [01:16:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4596s) 揭秘的代价与保留童真般的惊奇感
电影明星或专业导演在观看电影时，往往无法单纯沉浸在故事中。他们的脑海中会自动拆解技术细节：“看这个镜头是怎么拍的”、“这里用了摇镜（panning shot）”、“这里的感光度（ISO）是多少”，他们永远无法摆脱幕后“香肠是如何做出来的”那套工业流程。作为顶级读心术表演者，奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）对这种职业习惯感同身受。由于能够真正震撼他的神秘时刻实在太少，一旦在现实中遇到无法参透的奇妙现象，他会主动抑制大脑去分析背后的门道与原理，竭尽全力沉浸并享受那种纯粹的“惊奇感”（wonder）。因为他已经知晓世间绝大多数魔术与心理机制的底牌，能够体验未知的机会弥足珍贵。
史蒂芬·巴特利特（Steven Bartlett）对此深表共鸣，并将看穿一切的感觉比作小时候发现圣诞老人并不存在的那一天。戳破幻想的瞬间，整个世界的可能性骤然缩减。在相信魔法存在的岁月里，任何奇迹都可能发生，那是极其美妙的精神状态；而一旦意识到“现实中根本没有魔法”，世界便随之变得狭隘而索然无味。史蒂芬感慨道，奥兹的舞台表演与心灵魔术最宝贵的价值，恰恰在于重新打开人们闭塞的心门，激发观众的想象力与创造力，让大家重新相信这个看似冷酷理性的世界里依然存有奇迹。
- 沉迷于分析机制会剥夺纯粹的体验感，奥兹因此学会在罕见的未知时刻克制技术拆解的本能。
- 史蒂芬指出，心灵魔术不仅是娱乐消遣，更是唤醒成年人好奇心与可能性的精神窗口。
### [01:17:33](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4653s) 新书推荐与告别致谢
史蒂芬向观众强烈推荐奥兹·珀尔曼的新作《看透人心：来自世界顶级读心术大师的成功实用法则》（*Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist*），并将实体书展示在镜头前。他指认着封底密密麻麻的推荐语，提到许多推荐者都是自己的熟人和往期播客嘉宾，其中包括自己的投资人、杰·谢蒂（Jay Shetty）、马克·库班（Mark Cuban）以及组织心理学家亚当·格兰特（Adam Grant），而书籍封面更得到了耐力传奇大卫·戈金斯（David Goggins）的重磅推荐。
奥兹对史蒂芬的盛情邀请与节目录制表达了由衷的感谢。他幽默地调侃道，虽然史蒂芬最近制作的一期关于人工智能（AI）的节目把他“吓得魂飞魄散”，但他依然非常荣幸能够作为嘉宾来到这里。按照节目的经典传统，奥兹表示自己已经迫不及待要在播客日志日记本中为下一位未知的到访嘉宾留下亲笔提问，让思想的接力棒继续传递。
- 推荐新书：《Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist》（《看透人心：来自世界顶级读心术大师的成功实用法则》）。
- 知名推荐阵容：大卫·戈金斯（David Goggins，封面推荐）、杰·谢蒂（Jay Shetty）、马克·库班（Mark Cuban）、亚当·格兰特（Adam Grant）。
- 传统交接：奥兹在录制结束后为下一期节目的受访者留下了专属问题。
### [01:18:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4690s) DOAC Circle 私享社群招募
节目尾声，史蒂芬向听众宣布了一项秘密邀请计划——正式面向全球推出名为“DOAC Circle”的全新私享专属社群。为了保证社群的紧密互动与私密氛围，首期将仅限前 10,000 名加入的用户进入，名额满员后即刻关闭入口。
```mermaid
flowchart TD
accTitle: DOAC Circle 私享社群核心权益
accDescr: 展示加入 DOAC Circle 私享社群后所能获取的独家幕后资源与互动特权
subgraph Content["独家私密内容"]
A["录制现场 iPad 专属采访提纲"]
B["从未公开的嘉宾幕后未剪辑对话"]
C["被封存的未发布完整单集视频"]
end
subgraph DirectAccess["社群互动权益"]
D["与史蒂芬·巴特利特的直接交流渠道"]
E["参与节目策划：提议受访嘉宾与探讨话题"]
end
Entry["访问 doaccircle.com 申请加入 (限额 10,000 人)"] --> Content
Entry --> DirectAccess
```
社群成员将获得大量从未在公开频道曝光的核心资源，包括史蒂芬在录制节目时使用的 iPad 提纲手稿、未经剪辑的现场花絮、与受访嘉宾在正式开拍前后的私下交流，乃至从未对外公开过的完整单集播客。此外，加入社群的观众将拥有与史蒂芬本人的直接沟通渠道，深度参与节目的未来策划，为采访名单、讨论主题和内容方向提供直接反馈。感兴趣的观众可通过视频简介中的链接或访问 doaccircle.com 锁定专属名额。
## Notable quotes
> [00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=0s) 我的整份工作就是让你相信我能读心，但实话实说，这根本不可能。我读的不是心，而是人（I read people）。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [16:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=960s) 唤醒你内心的读心师——永远不要想着你自己，把一切核心都放在对方身上（Channeling your inner mentalist: It's not about you, it's always about them）。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [21:20](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1280s) 想办法让对方发光，你自己自然就会发光。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [23:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1431s) 你这么有本事，到底为什么还要在这儿打工？（What are you doing working here?） — 美林证券首席财务官（CFO）
> [25:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=1519s) 为什么不能是我？（Why not me?） — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [36:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2203s) 灵感和动机全都是垃圾（Inspiration and motivation is garbage）。我根本不在乎我有没有激励你，我要的是行动。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [42:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=2550s) 在任何场合中，最有趣的人（the most interesting person），往往是表现得最感兴趣的人（the most interested person）。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [57:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3449s) 你在现实中做了什么并不重要，重要的是人们最终记住了什么，以及他们事后会向别人讲述怎样的故事。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [01:03:08](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=3788s) 你用‘值不值’这个词，仿佛这是一件带有负面代价的事。我觉得它赋予了我生命的定义。能够拥有热爱，是世上极少数人才能获得的恩赐。我感觉自己在人生的彩票中中了头奖——能遇见有趣的人、能给他人带来快乐、能追逐梦想，我所做的一切皆由我自主决定。我连哪怕一秒钟的牢骚都发不出来。 — 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）
> [01:09:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw&t=4158s) 学会掌控最强大的武器：你的大脑（Learn to master the most powerful weapon, your mind）。 — 大卫·戈金斯（David Goggins）
## Mentioned
Oz Pearlman（奥兹·珀尔曼）, Steven Bartlett（史蒂芬·巴特利特）, Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist, Dragons' Den, MrBeast, CNBC, 美林证券（Merrill Lynch）, Jimmy Fallon（吉米·法伦）, Derren Brown（达伦·布朗）, Pipedrive, Pipedrive Prospector AI, Harry Styles, Ed Sheeran, Steven Spielberg（史蒂芬·斯皮尔伯格）, 戴尔·卡耐基（Dale Carnegie）, How to Win Friends and Influence People（《人性的弱点》）, Cybertruck（特斯拉赛博皮卡）, Jimmy Carr（吉米·卡尔）, Pantene Pro-V（潘婷）, LinkedIn Ads, Stan Store, DJ EZ, David Goggins（大卫·戈金斯）, James Clear, Atomic Habits（《掌控习惯》）, Michelle Obama（米歇尔·奥巴马）, Octavia E. Butler, Wild Seed, Jay Shetty（杰·谢蒂）, Mark Cuban（马克·库班）, Adam Grant（亚当·格兰特）, DOAC Circle
## Video description
Oz Pearlman, the World No.1 magician, exposes how to read people, build trust, and win attention. From Wall Street to the world stage, he shares secret tricks for mindset shifts and memory hacks.
Oz Pearlman is one of the world’s most celebrated mentalists, a top performer on “America’s Got Talent,” and the author of ‘Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success From The World’s Greatest Mentalist’.
He explains:
◼️The small mistake that instantly makes people dislike you
◼️The psychological trick that makes people say “yes” without realizing it
◼️The mind trick that makes anyone instantly like and trust you
◼️The subtle body language cue that makes people ignore or avoid you
◼️How to tell in 3 seconds if someone is lying to you
00:00 - Intro
02:26 - Can You Read My Mind?
05:25 - Mastering the Card Trick
10:30 - How to Tell If Someone's Lying
13:47 - Influence People to Do What You Want
16:00 - Why You Should Take Notes for Everything
18:40 - The Importance of Small Details
22:50 - Understanding Human Behaviour
26:11 - Mind-Blowing Name Trick
29:46 - Ads
30:50 - Dealing with People Who Are On Edge
32:58 - Building Confidence
36:42 - Communication As An Entertainer
39:50 - The Ethics of Misdirection in Magic
41:41 - How to Be a Better Active Listener
46:44 - Did Your Tricks Ever Go Wrong?
47:46 - Breaking the Ice in Social Situations
49:07 - Are You Trying to Make Others Happy?
50:26 - How to Improve Your Memory
55:38 - Ads
57:29 - Wrapping Up Stories for Better Recall
59:35 - How to Keep People’s Attention
01:03:08 - The Role of Obsession in Success
01:09:18 - How to Show Up Better in Your Life
01:11:54 - Final Reveal Trick
01:13:10 - Would You Want to Live Forever?
Follow Oz:
Instagram - https://bit.ly/3L3HuqL
X - https://bit.ly/4o4JDBe
The Diary Of A CEO:
◼️Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/
◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook
◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt
◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb
◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt
◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb
Get access to exclusive Diary of a CEO content: https://bit.ly/circle-ytshorts
Sponsors:
Pipedrive - http://pipedrive.com/CEO
Linkedin Ads - https://www.linkedin.com/DIARY
Stan Store - https://stevenbartlett.stan.store for your 14-Day free trial
[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qfxHfBJ3Mw)
Source quotes
[0:00] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 我的整份工作就是让你相信我能读心，但实话实说，这根本不可能。我读的不是心，而是人（I read people）。
[16:00] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 唤醒你内心的读心师——永远不要想着你自己，把一切核心都放在对方身上（Channeling your inner mentalist: It's not about you, it's always about them）。
[21:20] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 想办法让对方发光，你自己自然就会发光。
[23:51] 美林证券首席财务官（CFO）: 你这么有本事，到底为什么还要在这儿打工？（What are you doing working here?）
[25:19] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 为什么不能是我？（Why not me?）
[36:43] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 灵感和动机全都是垃圾（Inspiration and motivation is garbage）。我根本不在乎我有没有激励你，我要的是行动。
[42:30] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 在任何场合中，最有趣的人（the most interesting person），往往是表现得最感兴趣的人（the most interested person）。
[57:29] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 你在现实中做了什么并不重要，重要的是人们最终记住了什么，以及他们事后会向别人讲述怎样的故事。
[63:08] 奥兹·珀尔曼（Oz Pearlman）: 你用‘值不值’这个词，仿佛这是一件带有负面代价的事。我觉得它赋予了我生命的定义。能够拥有热爱，是世上极少数人才能获得的恩赐。我感觉自己在人生的彩票中中了头奖——能遇见有趣的人、能给他人带来快乐、能追逐梦想，我所做的一切皆由我自主决定。我连哪怕一秒钟的牢骚都发不出来。
[69:18] 大卫·戈金斯（David Goggins）: 学会掌控最强大的武器：你的大脑（Learn to master the most powerful weapon, your mind）。
Source quotes
[0:00] Oz Pearlman: My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds, but here is the honest truth. It's impossible. But, I read people through small, minute details.
[14:08] Oz Pearlman: When you're two, three, four, you know if your sibling's lying to you. You know if people are lying to you very well... there's an instinct involved that I think is akin to when I play ping pong. I can't think about my shot. I just do the shot.
[18:40] Oz Pearlman: Last night I met somebody, she has two children. They're three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star... she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn't vanish to me.
[30:50] Oz Pearlman: My job is to misdirect you and to use multiple methods... so that as soon as you go down a path and you think you got me, I jump to the next lane.
[39:50] Oz Pearlman: The moment you realize that you will be successful in your life when you start making other people the star... That's true mentalism.
[46:40] Oz Pearlman: If I show you my hand and tell you where this is going, then you have the power... If you don't know the ending of the movie, then if I show you an alternate ending, you don't know that the movie wasn't supposed to end that way.
Original transcript
[0:00] I've spent three decades
[0:01] reverse-engineering the human mind to
[0:02] show you how you can use it to know what
[0:04] somebody's thinking when they meet you
[0:05] or if somebody was telling you the truth
[0:06] or lying. So, let's do something fun.
[0:08] Imagine that in front of you was an
[0:09] invisible deck of cards. Spread them out
[0:12] in front of you. And I want you to reach
[0:13] down and imagine you just grab a card at
[0:15] random. Now, look at it. Look at me.
[0:17] Okay, close your eyes. Hold your hand
[0:20] out, please. Now, before you open your
[0:22] eyes, tell us what was that card? Three
[0:25] of diamonds.
[0:26] >> Hmm. Open your eyes. Take a look.
[0:32] And it's not magic. I can teach you
[0:34] this. And these secrets, these habits,
[0:36] they're applicable all throughout life.
[0:38] Just trust me, you don't want to miss
[0:40] the rest of this. Oz Pearlman walked
[0:42] away from Wall Street to become the
[0:43] world's leading mentalist, unlocking the
[0:45] skills we need
[0:46] >> to read people, win trust, spot a liar,
[0:49] and influence anyone. My whole job is to
[0:52] make you believe that I can read minds,
[0:53] but here is the honest truth. It's
[0:55] impossible. But, I read people through
[0:57] small, minute details. For example,
[0:59] we're hardwired from thousands of years
[1:01] that if I approach you directly with two
[1:03] eyes, it can create fear versus if I
[1:05] turn ever so slightly and approach you
[1:06] with one eye, that one eye is less
[1:08] danger. So, it's all about the smallest
[1:10] little nuances. Like, think of someone.
[1:12] Think of their first name. I got it.
[1:14] Five letters, isn't it? Tell us all,
[1:16] what is their first name? Jules. So,
[1:18] this is a huge tactical advantage when
[1:20] you ask your boss for a raise or when
[1:22] you ask someone out on a date. And I'll
[1:23] explain to you what to do as well as how
[1:25] you form habits, eliminating that fear
[1:26] of rejection, and also a fast track for
[1:28] confidence. But, the next thing is how
[1:30] to improve your memory, which is a huge
[1:32] secret to success. And I have a tip.
[1:34] I've repurposed the instructions on a
[1:35] shampoo bottle, and the first step is
[1:37] what 95% of us do wrong. So,
[1:40] I see messages all the time in the
[1:42] comment section that some of you didn't
[1:44] realize you didn't subscribe. So, if you
[1:46] could do me a favor and double-check if
[1:47] you're a subscriber to this channel,
[1:48] that would be tremendously appreciated.
[1:50] It's the simple, it's the free thing
[1:52] that anybody that watches this show
[1:53] frequently can do to help us here to
[1:55] keep everything going in this show in
[1:57] the trajectory it's on. So, please do
[1:58] double check if you subscribed and thank
[2:00] you so much because in a strange way you
[2:02] are you're part of our history and
[2:04] you're on this journey with us and I
[2:06] appreciate you for that. So, yeah, thank
[2:07] you.
[2:11] Oz Pearlman.
[2:14] You're a guy who can apparently read
[2:16] people's minds. In fact, the book you've
[2:18] just written is called Read Your Mind,
[2:21] Proven Habits for Success from the
[2:22] World's Greatest Mentalist.
[2:24] So, for anyone that isn't familiar with
[2:26] your work and what you do,
[2:28] why did you name your book Read Your
[2:30] Mind? And can you
[2:33] read my mind? So, therein lies the
[2:36] dilemma. My whole job is to make you
[2:39] believe that I can read minds, but here
[2:41] is the honest truth, I can't read minds.
[2:43] I wish I could read minds. That's
[2:44] impossible. I read people. Very
[2:47] different skill. This is built on the
[2:50] world of magic, what I do. Misdirection,
[2:53] influence, suggestion. Knowing how
[2:55] people think indicates to me what they
[2:58] think, right? I've spent three decades
[2:59] reverse engineering the human mind. I'm
[3:01] teaching you habits for success because
[3:03] the skills that I have at reading people
[3:06] effectively, walking into a room, taking
[3:08] charge, influencing them, all of the
[3:09] things surrounding the entertainment
[3:11] portion are things that apply to
[3:14] everyone. If you can use these secrets,
[3:17] these habits,
[3:19] they're going to lead you to success in
[3:20] your personal life, in your professional
[3:21] life, in your relationships, and that's
[3:23] what I've done. I think that if I had
[3:24] done this same playbook and not been a
[3:26] mentalist, I'd be successful in any
[3:27] field. They're applicable all throughout
[3:29] life. You know, I'm pausing for 1 second
[3:32] because someone listening to this right
[3:33] now, I'm always thinking about the
[3:35] person
[3:36] there watching us. Mhm. And why should
[3:39] they be watching me right now? That's my
[3:40] question. Who cares about me? I don't
[3:41] know me. They don't know me. Why should
[3:43] they watch this?
[3:44] I've studied you. That's what I do for a
[3:46] living and I have something for you. And
[3:48] on Dragon's Den, I love when you make an
[3:49] offer. I I the visual of the moment
[3:51] where you can change someone's life.
[3:52] Right? A founder, you value their
[3:53] company, you make them an offer.
[3:55] So, this is an offer, but
[3:59] it's not for now.
[4:00] You have to stick around till the end.
[4:02] If you open it now, it'll be
[4:03] meaningless. At the end of this podcast,
[4:05] you're going to open this piece of
[4:06] paper,
[4:07] and I think it's going to be something
[4:08] you will talk about for years to come.
[4:10] You know what? Put it somewhere, maybe
[4:11] right under your mug, where it never
[4:13] leaves our sight, and we're going to
[4:14] come back to this later. I'm going to
[4:16] put it
[4:16] >> know what this is? It's your future.
[4:18] This is my future.
[4:19] >> 100%.
[4:21] Don't open it yet. You don't want to
[4:21] know your future yet.
[4:22] >> And why should they stick around and
[4:23] listen? Oh, because trust me, you don't
[4:25] want to miss the rest of this.
[4:26] Otherwise, you'll have to see the
[4:27] highlights. Put it somewhere we see it
[4:28] the whole time. Okay, so I'll put it
[4:30] I'll put it here. Or under your mug, or
[4:32] anywhere we never lose sight of it.
[4:34] Wonderful.
[4:35] My mug on top of it.
[4:37] For anyone that can't see, cuz there
[4:39] will be some people listening on audio,
[4:40] he's just passed me a white piece of
[4:44] folded up card, and I've put it
[4:46] underneath my mug.
[4:48] It's an offer you can't refuse. Listen,
[4:49] guys, we're not colluding. So, I cuz I
[4:53] remember watching
[4:55] I remember watching the Joe Rogan
[4:56] episode and wondering whether you and
[4:58] Joe Rogan had colluded.
[4:59] >> Yep. To like do the cuz it blew my mind.
[5:01] So,
[5:02] my objective today is to be completely
[5:04] honest with my audience. And also, if I
[5:06] if I see you do something,
[5:08] do you want me to say it? For sure. Like
[5:10] you actually want me to say it?
[5:11] >> I mean, I guess so, while I'm here.
[5:13] Okay, fine. Okay.
[5:15] I mean, they trust you. Why do people
[5:16] listen to you? Great interview
[5:18] questions, but they trust you. That's
[5:19] how you build an audience. Yeah, I'd
[5:21] feel bad if I if I
[5:23] duped them. And what is it that you
[5:24] think you know that the average person
[5:26] doesn't know about the human condition?
[5:29] I know how people think.
[5:31] So, I think what I learned at a certain
[5:32] point were skills that are for success
[5:36] in life. Let me explain to you. The fear
[5:38] of rejection is something that I think
[5:40] is the number one factor between failure
[5:44] and success. It's the fear. Most people
[5:46] don't try to achieve their goals because
[5:49] they're fearful of what will happen if
[5:50] they fail or they set themselves up for
[5:53] failure instead of for success. What do
[5:54] I mean by that? When I was 14, I'd walk
[5:56] up to the restaurant and talk my way
[5:57] into getting a restaurant gig cuz I've
[5:59] been doing magic tricks since I was 13.
[6:01] And I started learning by iterating.
[6:04] What makes people, when I walk up to
[6:06] them, comfortable with me? What makes
[6:08] them uncomfortable? I started learning
[6:10] how
[6:11] people think.
[6:13] And it's down to the smallest little
[6:15] nuances. I learned that if I approach
[6:16] you directly, the same way that animals
[6:18] fear you when they see two eyes versus
[6:20] if I turn ever so slightly and approach
[6:22] your table at an angle, you only see one
[6:24] eye. We're hardwired from thousands and
[6:26] thousands of years of avoiding predators
[6:28] that one eye is less danger. Animals
[6:31] aren't as fearful of you. So, I walk up
[6:33] to you. I create time limits. I learned
[6:35] quickly that if I walk up, the first
[6:36] thing someone thinks is, "Oh my god, is
[6:38] he going to be here long?" The next
[6:40] thing is, "Do they even know this kid's
[6:41] working here? Is he any good at this? Oh
[6:43] god, I need money. Do I have to tip him?
[6:45] I didn't bring cash." All of these
[6:46] thoughts that go through your mind are
[6:48] known as heuristics. It's how we deal
[6:49] with our life every day.
[6:51] And if you can know what somebody's
[6:53] thinking, not to perform a mentalist
[6:55] trick, but know what they're thinking
[6:56] when they meet you or when you ask your
[6:58] boss for a raise or when you ask a girl
[7:00] or a guy out on a date,
[7:02] you knowing that is a huge tactical
[7:05] advantage. And specifically, how would
[7:07] you do that? What would you say? What I
[7:08] would say is in my mind, as a mentalist,
[7:10] what I do most is prepare. I prepare in
[7:13] advance for what will work, what won't
[7:15] work, and all the trouble shoots in
[7:16] between. Plan A, B, C, D all the way to
[7:18] Z. So, in that situation, every time I
[7:20] learn something new, I learned quickly
[7:22] that people didn't know if I was working
[7:23] at the restaurant. Am I just some kid
[7:25] who walked up to you? Well, who is this?
[7:27] So, I walk at an angle so they know I
[7:29] might be leaving soon. I'm one foot in,
[7:30] I'm one foot out. I would then say to
[7:32] you, "Did you hear what's going on
[7:34] tonight? It's your lucky day." Right
[7:35] away, that's a different thing. That's a
[7:37] dopamine hit. That's the same way when
[7:39] your phone buzzes. That's why we're
[7:41] hooked. Who texted me? What does this
[7:43] say? Is this a like? Is this a comment?
[7:44] That's that lottery. By me saying to you
[7:47] a question that denotes positive energy
[7:49] without a yes or no, you don't have a
[7:51] way to stop me. If I said, "Hey, do you
[7:53] want to see me do magic?" No, get out of
[7:54] here. Boom, we're done. Asking people
[7:57] questions that are open-ended, that are
[7:59] inherently positive, almost always
[8:02] generates a great response. Did you hear
[8:03] why it's your lucky night? Oh, why is it
[8:05] my lucky night? And I say, "The owner
[8:08] brought me in as a special treat to do
[8:10] something amazing for you." So now,
[8:12] listen to this. The owner, they know I'm
[8:14] working there. The owner brought me in.
[8:16] I know the owner. Social value, social
[8:18] currency. As a special treat. That means
[8:21] you don't need to pay me money. They've
[8:22] paid the bill. Amazing. And then to show
[8:25] you something amazing. So I've given you
[8:27] no point at which to say no. I've given
[8:29] you very few angles to think anything
[8:31] but positive, and I've done this all in
[8:33] hopefully less than 10 seconds.
[8:35] That's the intro. Now, you better have
[8:38] your A game. I better have a trick
[8:40] that's going to blow them away and
[8:41] capture their attention. So let's just
[8:43] pause there for a second because I think
[8:44] everybody, whether you're a content
[8:46] creator or you're working in sales or
[8:48] you're interviewing people
[8:50] um to join your company,
[8:52] what I what I heard there was you you
[8:53] created this like positive
[8:56] curiosity gap. Yes. Where immediate And
[8:59] that's also what Mr. Beast does at the
[9:00] start of his videos. He
[9:01] >> The hook, instantly.
[9:02] >> Yeah. Yeah, he it's like a positive
[9:04] curiosity gap where you you need that
[9:05] gap closed. And you said in that case,
[9:08] they brought me in. Have you heard
[9:09] what's happening tonight?
[9:10] >> Yep. It's amazing. You brought me in as
[9:12] a treat to do something amazing.
[9:13] Immediately I need to know what this is.
[9:15] >> What is this?
[9:16] >> And I don't want you to leave. And then
[9:17] you'd blow them away somehow.
[9:18] >> I blow them away, but the lessons to be
[9:19] learned from there are things that I've
[9:21] used for the rest of my life and they
[9:22] apply so much to today's day and age
[9:24] where what is the currency of our time?
[9:27] Attention. This very moment that
[9:29] someone's listening and watching is that
[9:30] can allow you to blow up a business. We
[9:32] have never been in an era where your
[9:33] phone, having a phone, can allow you to
[9:35] become a global superstar, to launch a
[9:37] business. It's It's like
[9:39] 100 years ago this didn't exist, this
[9:40] option. So, knowing how to connect with
[9:42] people on an emotional level, and then
[9:44] knowing what does your audience want?
[9:46] That's what I learned early on. I'm just
[9:49] knowing how people think and using that
[9:51] to entertain them. And how much of it is
[9:54] based on my body language? How much of
[9:55] it of it is based on how I behave?
[9:59] Um and I say that because the audience,
[10:01] you know, that they're all professionals
[10:02] working in their careers and they're
[10:04] very keen to better understand people
[10:05] through observation.
[10:07] >> Sure. Whether it's their team members or
[10:09] whether it's clients or whoever it might
[10:10] be. So, I'm wondering if there's
[10:11] anything I can learn to be a better
[10:13] observer of the people in my life.
[10:15] Absolutely. So, for my performances,
[10:17] let's break this down. I I'm an
[10:19] entertainer. That's what I do for a
[10:20] living. And now, after many years,
[10:21] people ask me, "How do you do it? How do
[10:23] you do it?" I've realized you don't want
[10:24] to know how I do it. Uh you don't
[10:26] really. If I were to guess, let's do
[10:27] something fun. You have a deck of cards.
[10:29] Let's just sweeten the deal. These are
[10:31] your cards, correct? This is not I've
[10:32] not touched these. There's no magic
[10:33] trick involved. These are all cards,
[10:35] yes. Here's what I'd like to try for
[10:36] you. Put them down in front of you,
[10:38] please.
[10:41] You've mixed them up. Do you want to mix
[10:42] them some more?
[10:44] Yes, I do. Please, mix them as much as
[10:46] you'd like.
[10:48] Just say that this is I just saw No,
[10:50] don't say a word. Okay. There you go.
[10:52] The moment I touch those cards, my brain
[10:54] flips a switch and goes, "This is a
[10:55] magic trick." That's what I know. I know
[10:57] that archetype. I'm not touching those
[10:58] cards. I couldn't care less about those
[11:00] cards. Imagine that in front of you
[11:01] instead was an invisible pack of cards,
[11:03] Steven. This is where I changed gears,
[11:05] where years ago I spent hours and hours
[11:07] learning slight of hand. Pick up the
[11:09] invisible deck, please. Just pretend.
[11:12] Just like that. And I want you to
[11:15] spread them out in front of you.
[11:17] Face down. You can't see them.
[11:19] And Steven, you close your eyes.
[11:22] You reach down and here's the part where
[11:24] we can't collude because they're
[11:25] invisible and you don't know what you're
[11:27] about to do, much less me. And I want
[11:29] you to reach down and And you just grab
[11:30] a card at random, face down. Do it for
[11:32] me now, please.
[11:34] And stop right there. Freeze.
[11:36] Have I told you what to do at this
[11:38] moment? Have I said anything? Is there
[11:39] any way that you could know what card
[11:41] you just picked in your hand or I could
[11:42] know or any of this? No. No. This is
[11:44] spontaneous, impulsive, and in the
[11:47] moment. It's the gold standard for what
[11:48] I do.
[11:49] Don't say a word. Look at it. Look at
[11:51] me. Just think.
[11:53] The cards are red, they're black.
[11:55] There's the hearts, the diamonds, the
[11:56] clubs, and the spades. There's the
[11:57] number cards, there's the big cards.
[11:59] Ace, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
[12:00] eight, nine, 10, Jack, Queen, King.
[12:02] Close your eyes.
[12:04] That's it. I'm going to take these cards
[12:06] that are next to you. Oops, sorry.
[12:08] And I'd like you to keep your eyes
[12:10] closed if you don't mind.
[12:12] And this is
[12:13] not a card trick, but I want a visual
[12:14] for your eyes. Hold your hand out,
[12:15] please.
[12:17] And hold it as if you're holding one
[12:18] card in your hand. Keep your eyes
[12:20] closed.
[12:21] Do not open them.
[12:23] I'm going to place one card in your
[12:24] hand. Close your fingers and freeze
[12:26] right there.
[12:27] Before you open your eyes, tell us
[12:30] what was that card?
[12:33] The
[12:35] three of diamonds. Hm. Open your eyes.
[12:39] Take a look.
[12:42] Hm.
[12:45] Hm.
[12:47] It's very It is very, very difficult for
[12:49] me to understand how you do that.
[12:51] Now, here is the question. So, I tell
[12:52] you this, if I were to teach you that,
[12:55] you could do it. It would take you quite
[12:56] some time, and you'll learn, and it was
[12:59] a narrowing down of a lot of options
[13:00] into one, which is a lot of what I do. I
[13:02] limit your options, and I read what you
[13:05] are giving off, cuz there's no magic
[13:06] trick. There's no sleight of hand
[13:07] involved in this. Are we in agreement?
[13:09] This is an invisible deck. You took out
[13:10] a card. Let's put these away. But,
[13:12] here's where I would say what's
[13:13] applicable is knowing how to read people
[13:16] more effectively in your life, not for
[13:17] the sake of a trick, but knowing what
[13:20] they're actually thinking. Now, if
[13:22] you're watching this and you said you're
[13:24] a business person, you want a tangible
[13:25] takeaway for body language. You ask
[13:27] yourself, was there a body language
[13:29] thing? Was there something that you did
[13:30] specifically? Was there a flex of an
[13:31] arm? Was there a twinge of an eyebrow?
[13:33] Was there something that you can see?
[13:35] There are definitely markers, but what I
[13:37] would describe to people is for a lot of
[13:39] people they want to know a core thing.
[13:41] Is someone interested? Yes or no? And is
[13:44] someone lying? Yes or no? If you could
[13:46] know those two things, I think that
[13:47] opens up a world of possibilities. How
[13:49] many major moments of your life had to
[13:50] do with if somebody liked or was
[13:52] interested in what you were doing, be it
[13:54] in sales or business or or personal, or
[13:56] somebody was telling you the truth or
[13:57] lying.
[13:58] The best way to learn if somebody's
[14:00] lying to you
[14:02] is learning their benchmarks. Let me
[14:04] explain to you what that means. Meeting
[14:05] somebody one time, it's very hard to
[14:06] know things about them. One-time
[14:08] transactions, you can't really gauge who
[14:10] they are as a person. But how many
[14:12] people in your life do you meet once?
[14:14] Few. Most of people you meet, you meet
[14:16] often. So, a lie detector machine, have
[14:19] you ever been lie detector machines?
[14:20] >> Never. So, the way they work is they
[14:22] have to ask you questions beforehand to
[14:24] set
[14:26] your your your benchmarks. They have to
[14:27] check and they see tell me an honest
[14:30] answer, is your name Steven Bartlett?
[14:31] Yes. They look at your indicators to see
[14:33] what honesty looks like.
[14:35] And then they look to see, tell me a
[14:37] lie. And now they try to compare the two
[14:39] to each other. So, what I do when I
[14:41] watch people and observe is I try to see
[14:44] what do they look like when they're
[14:45] telling me the truth.
[14:46] And these are fun things you could try
[14:47] at home. See when somebody tells you a
[14:49] story, how many details do they insert?
[14:52] What's their cadence?
[14:54] Right? How do they speak? You can tell
[14:57] when people are lying more often than
[14:59] not if you observe them often. You can
[15:01] see it. Do they add more details? So,
[15:04] you can try to find fun ways that seem
[15:06] to be white lies to see
[15:08] what do they do when they lie versus
[15:10] what do they do when they tell the
[15:10] truth? And then start to trust your
[15:12] instincts more.
[15:14] I think a lot of things that I do, I've
[15:16] unlearned bad habits.
[15:18] I think that when we were growing up,
[15:20] most of us had much better BS systems.
[15:23] When you're two, three, four,
[15:25] you know if your sibling's lying to you.
[15:27] You know if people are lying to you very
[15:28] well. You're kind of very young and
[15:31] there's an instinct involved that I
[15:33] think is akin to when I play ping pong.
[15:34] I can't think about my shot. I just do
[15:36] the shot. I don't know how I did it. My
[15:38] body just goes into motion. So, when I'm
[15:40] performing, I am the way People always
[15:42] ask me, "Are you doing this in every
[15:43] moment of your life?" No, it's tiring.
[15:45] I'm focused, hyper-focused on what
[15:47] you're doing, and the things that I'm
[15:50] watching that will give away certain
[15:52] elements. And I'm influencing you,
[15:55] there's misdirection, and I'm guiding
[15:56] you in a certain position in a certain
[15:58] way to what I want you to select. Let's
[16:00] say I was trying to sell you something.
[16:02] Sure. I'm I'm We're doing a
[16:03] presentation. I'm a marketing agency
[16:06] owner owner, and I would like you to buy
[16:09] this marketing campaign from me um
[16:12] instead of this one or no campaign.
[16:14] >> Sure. So,
[16:16] what are some things you could tell me
[16:17] that I should be thinking about or doing
[16:19] if I'm selling
[16:21] to you to make you buy what I would like
[16:24] you to buy? Number one rule, I call this
[16:26] channeling your inner mentalist. It's
[16:28] not about you, it's always about them.
[16:30] That's been the number one secret to my
[16:32] success.
[16:33] I shouldn't have been I've been on all
[16:35] different networks doing what I do. On
[16:37] CNBC, I've been on there dozens of
[16:39] times. That's the financial network. How
[16:41] many other magicians or mentalists have
[16:42] ever been on that network?
[16:43] Zero. It doesn't make sense. That's a
[16:46] serious network. They do finance. Why
[16:49] are they bringing me on? Because I
[16:50] tailor my presentations to the viewer. I
[16:52] don't think about myself. A card trick
[16:54] is about me. Me doing something related
[16:57] to stocks and bonds and and dividends
[16:59] and interest rates, that is fascinating
[17:01] to the person watching. The same way if
[17:02] I go into a room with football players,
[17:04] I make everything structured on
[17:05] football. So, I challenge you that when
[17:08] you make a presentation like that, are
[17:10] you just thinking about you? Or where
[17:13] can you highlight the attributes of what
[17:14] is this person missing? What's wrong
[17:16] with what their status quo is? What are
[17:18] you missing? Listen to your Listen to
[17:20] your consumer. Listen to your client.
[17:22] Listen to your audience. They will tell
[17:23] you. They will give you the answers to
[17:25] what you need to give back to them. So
[17:27] many people when they approach someone
[17:28] else, they approach with the following.
[17:31] How great am I? How great is my product?
[17:33] Bum bum bum. It's all about me me me.
[17:35] This needs to be benefits oriented
[17:36] language. All of it should be you. I
[17:39] want to make your life easier. I want to
[17:40] make this migration to our platform
[17:43] seamless. What's currently bothering
[17:44] you? I want to know all the things that
[17:46] you are that are your moments of
[17:48] resistance. What's resisting you from
[17:50] saying yes? And every time you tell me
[17:52] one, I want to be prepared to check that
[17:54] off. That's so funny you mentioned that.
[17:56] It's I know you want no downtime. Here's
[17:58] how we can ensure no downtime, right?
[17:59] You want to anticipate what they're
[18:00] going to say the same way a mentalist
[18:02] does, but in this case, you're not
[18:04] guessing cards or numbers or names.
[18:06] You're guessing the thoughts of what's
[18:08] keeping them from buying your product.
[18:11] And is that practice per se do you like
[18:12] if this was
[18:14] you know, if I was pitching to you and
[18:15] you're the CEO of Uber Yep. and I want
[18:18] you to work with my agency. Before I go
[18:21] into that meeting, you know, you talked
[18:22] about preparation earlier on. Do you
[18:24] write down
[18:26] or just think about the rebuttals or the
[18:29] person that you're you're contending
[18:30] with and then try and tailor the
[18:32] presentation to a set of sort of
[18:35] ideological ego factors that that that
[18:38] you believe that person's coming into
[18:39] the room with?
[18:40] >> Right.
[18:41] So, I write down everything. Literally
[18:43] at one chapter in that book is all about
[18:45] how taking notes has changed my life.
[18:47] So, at every show and through every
[18:50] interaction that I ever have with
[18:51] somebody, I write down. I had a show
[18:53] last night, a show the night before. I
[18:54] will write down I have a shorthand to
[18:56] make it quicker, but I will write down
[18:57] everything that I did, everybody that I
[18:59] met, things that I remember about them,
[19:01] and I will do this immediately when I
[19:03] finish the show. If I might have a meet
[19:04] and greet and photos, the moment it's
[19:05] done, you'll sometimes see me in an
[19:07] Uber, in my hotel, and I'm writing
[19:08] furiously everything while it's still in
[19:10] my mind and fresh because information is
[19:12] power and the number one thing that
[19:15] people care about is themselves, their
[19:18] family, their friends, their career,
[19:20] right? All of us are the star of our own
[19:22] movie. You're the star of your movie.
[19:24] I'm the star of my movie. Right here the
[19:26] person man in the camera star everybody
[19:27] else is supporting cast. So think of it
[19:30] this way, if you can remember things
[19:31] about that person, not creepy, what if
[19:34] they told you something? Last night I
[19:35] met somebody, she has two children.
[19:37] They're three and five. Her oldest son
[19:39] absolutely loves this one YouTube star.
[19:41] They live I know where they live. Like
[19:43] she just shared a lot of details with me
[19:45] that in her mind
[19:47] are kind of like Snapchats. They
[19:48] vanished. They didn't vanish to me. So
[19:51] now that I've written those down, I
[19:52] might see her in a month, in a year, in
[19:54] a decade.
[19:56] Do you know how great that feeling is to
[19:57] somebody when you remember things they
[20:00] told you? It's like winning the lottery.
[20:02] It's literally like you get to do a
[20:04] magic trick like I do, but people give
[20:06] you credit. I will remember at shows
[20:08] who hired me for this show. Oh, they
[20:11] know this person. Now we have a chain.
[20:13] We have a referral link. I might see
[20:14] them again. I guessed their ATM PIN code
[20:17] 3 years ago. It was 6124. I now know
[20:20] that. I bump into them there and I don't
[20:22] have a supernatural memory. Another part
[20:24] of the book is how to improve your
[20:25] memory, which I think is also a huge
[20:27] secret to success in life that people
[20:29] don't realize. We have phones now. We
[20:31] think our phone does it for us. That's
[20:32] not true. And I say to him, I go, "John,
[20:35] I sure hope you changed that PIN code
[20:36] from 6124." He is blown away. Steven, do
[20:39] you want to know something? That's not a
[20:40] trick. I wrote it down. There's no I'll
[20:42] tell you exactly how I did it. All I did
[20:44] was take the time to review it before I
[20:46] got there and made him feel special. And
[20:49] do you know what he's going to do? He's
[20:50] going to talk about that moment
[20:52] for years to come. I've created a
[20:54] memory. If you can create memorable
[20:56] moments for others, they will remember
[20:58] you and they will spread the word to
[21:00] others and that's how you whatever you
[21:02] do in life what you do for others is
[21:04] what's going to eventually propel you to
[21:05] success. I would say give gratuitously,
[21:08] but the more gratuitous you give,
[21:09] there's this funny way in the world
[21:10] where the universe bounces back, and the
[21:12] more I do for others, they want to do
[21:13] the same for me. If you were to make
[21:15] that really practical for me, so you
[21:16] have a short hand book which you write
[21:18] in every time you meet someone, keep
[21:20] details.
[21:20] >> You could do it on your phone. Yeah. I
[21:22] do it on my phone. So, I have calendar
[21:23] entries. Let's be very clear. Let's give
[21:25] you brass tacks. I will write in I have
[21:27] If you look at my phone right now, the
[21:28] event last night, setlist. I wrote down
[21:30] the name of the host, his wife, they
[21:32] have three children, they have twins,
[21:34] like everything I felt this is very
[21:35] fresh in my mind, and I'll remember it
[21:36] for a day, but then it will kind of de-
[21:38] it will dissipate. Which tricks did I
[21:40] do? What happened in the tricks? What
[21:42] were funny moments that were off the
[21:43] cuff? Who did I meet earlier that day? I
[21:45] met somebody, and again, I'm writing all
[21:47] this stuff down because that information
[21:49] is power. That information, the longer
[21:52] you hold it, it's a coupon with no
[21:54] expiration date. And when you serve it
[21:56] up to that person, in fact, it's the
[21:58] reverse. The longer you hold on to it,
[21:59] the more impressive it is. Mhm. If I met
[22:02] you yesterday, and you told me your
[22:03] favorite color is magenta, and I say it
[22:05] to you tomorrow, not that exciting. But
[22:08] in 2 years, if when I meet you, and we
[22:10] see a car I go, "Steve, that's your
[22:11] favorite color magenta, isn't it?" Not
[22:13] as a trick, just there in your mind,
[22:15] dopamine. How did you remember that?
[22:18] You're touched that I remember that
[22:19] about you.
[22:20] Right? That's what people care about.
[22:23] People Think about it again. Their
[22:24] family, their friends,
[22:26] their faith, their business, all of
[22:28] that. The more that you can make someone
[22:29] else shine,
[22:30] the better it happens to you. Everything
[22:32] is about when I
[22:33] My whole act is geared towards making
[22:36] other people look good. I was thinking
[22:38] about this
[22:39] quite a lot, and I actually posted on my
[22:41] LinkedIn this morning about the paradox
[22:43] of small things.
[22:44] Um
[22:46] and what I said in the post, it's
[22:47] reflecting on Jimmy Fallon. I was on his
[22:48] show this week, and he mentioned that we
[22:51] have this tradition at the end of the
[22:53] podcast with the guest. It's a small
[22:54] thing that we do at the end of the the
[22:55] show. And the fact that he
[22:57] remembered it
[22:59] and told his audience about it, and he
[23:01] said he brought him to tears. Made me
[23:03] realize that actually the small things
[23:05] in life that we often overlook like
[23:07] remembering someone's name or as you
[23:09] said their family or some sort of
[23:11] intricate personal detail,
[23:14] they're so powerful because most people
[23:15] don't think they matter. That's it.
[23:17] >> So when one person in your life
[23:18] remembers a tiny detail about you that
[23:21] kind of matters to you, even your name
[23:23] is something that matters to you,
[23:25] it's so shockingly rare that it's so
[23:27] shockingly powerful because most people
[23:29] think it's so unbelievably petty.
[23:31] And this is the I think the paradox of
[23:33] small things that they're actually in
[23:34] fact really big things. Well, think
[23:36] about how many small things, if you were
[23:38] to look at your life and just have these
[23:39] little roads, these like fork in the
[23:41] road where one path led to this and I
[23:43] have those moments where in my life
[23:44] where somebody said one thing to me,
[23:46] sometimes offhanded, they don't even
[23:47] remember it, and it changed the course
[23:49] of my life.
[23:51] And those like little moments, I had one
[23:52] So I worked on Wall Street. I didn't
[23:54] think that you could be a magician or
[23:55] mentalist. It's crazy. That it never
[23:58] even occurred to me as an option. But at
[24:01] one point, I had I There's two moments,
[24:02] but one of the big ones is I'm doing
[24:04] something for the CFO of my company,
[24:06] Merrill Lynch. He does not know that I
[24:08] work for the company and I used to do
[24:10] this magic trick with slight of hand
[24:11] where I take five $1 bills, I hold them,
[24:14] I snap, they turn to hundreds. Amazing.
[24:17] It's It's great trick. And at that
[24:18] moment, he's an Australian guy and he
[24:20] goes He goes He goes, "We need you
[24:23] working here, mate." And everyone laughs
[24:24] and you know, it's it's a it's a joke
[24:25] I've heard a hundred times, a thousand
[24:27] times. And I go, "It's funny, sir. I do
[24:28] work here." And he thought it was a
[24:30] joke. I broke character a little. I go,
[24:31] "No, no, seriously. I work at 95 Green
[24:34] at your Global Technology Services
[24:35] Department." And he looked at me, he
[24:36] goes,
[24:37] "What are you doing working here?" And
[24:38] that moment to him, I assume, was
[24:40] nothing. It was forgotten moments later.
[24:43] But that moment changed the course of my
[24:45] life because there was like a switch in
[24:47] my mind that goes,
[24:48] "What am I doing working here?" You
[24:50] know, where you kind of like can
[24:51] visualize your future? Is this my path?
[24:53] Is this what I'm going to do forever? Or
[24:55] am I going to decide that you live one
[24:56] life and I'm going to go for it? And I
[24:58] think for a lot of people who are
[25:00] listening to this, I'm not saying to
[25:02] quit your job, but ask yourself, look in
[25:04] the mirror, is this what I want to be
[25:05] doing? And I think for a lot of people
[25:07] they might want more, whether that's
[25:08] their own business, whether it's to
[25:10] climb the rung of a ladder, and it's
[25:12] that moment that somebody can change
[25:13] your life and take action, and decide
[25:15] I'm going to do it, but also formulate a
[25:17] plan, be effective and smart in your
[25:19] execution. And in your case, you know,
[25:21] leaving Merrill Lynch to go and become a
[25:23] mentalist is quite quite a leap. A huge
[25:25] leap. Everyone thought I was crazy. Same
[25:27] with Derren Brown, you No, no one said
[25:28] to me, "Oh, this is a great idea." Even
[25:30] though I've got to tell you the truth,
[25:31] most people were very happy for me, but
[25:33] behind closed doors, I think they
[25:34] thought, "This kid, you know, he's
[25:35] nuts." Well, you kind of were nuts,
[25:37] because statistically,
[25:38] probabilistically, the chance of you
[25:40] becoming
[25:42] a quote-unquote successful mentalist is
[25:45] extremely low.
[25:46] >> Extremely low.
[25:48] I mean, like there's there's probably
[25:49] like a handful of mentalists that earn
[25:51] a lot of money. I would say it's a very
[25:53] low number, but here's the question you
[25:55] should ask yourself, why not you? That
[25:58] like the framing of that is always Of
[26:00] course there's statistics, but why not
[26:01] me? And so, I think the way you think in
[26:04] your mind, the voice in your head that
[26:05] tells you that loop, determines things.
[26:08] So, it's all about setting yourself up
[26:09] for success rather than failure. How
[26:11] much of being a mentalist is
[26:13] understanding human behavior versus
[26:15] >> Everything. I don't even know how to
[26:16] answer it. It's literally that's that's
[26:18] I'm a student of the human like how
[26:20] people behave. But in the the practice
[26:22] of it, cuz Derren Brown is I consider
[26:24] him a friend. And if anything I've
[26:26] learned from him, and I do think he's
[26:27] the most incredible person on and off
[26:29] camera, it's that
[26:31] much of his work is making you think the
[26:33] trick is happening here.
[26:34] >> 100%. But actually, the trick is
[26:36] happening happening over here, and he's
[26:37] misdirecting you to focus on my left
[26:39] hand, and the trick is taking place in
[26:41] my right hand. That's I couldn't be more
[26:43] true. That's exactly it, but that's that
[26:45] is knowing human behavior.
[26:47] >> Explain to me why. I don't want to say
[26:48] controlling, cuz it sounds very devious,
[26:51] but I'm controlling your attention and
[26:52] your thoughts.
[26:53] I'm guiding you in a certain way
[26:56] to either select what I'd like or to
[26:59] give away something that you feel you
[27:00] have not given away.
[27:02] Should we Should we do a fun example?
[27:04] >> Sure.
[27:05] Do you know off the top of your head how
[27:06] many episodes you've had of this show? I
[27:07] think it's roughly 500. I believe so.
[27:10] Close your eyes. I want to make this a
[27:11] visual game.
[27:13] You're in this room of all different
[27:14] people that you've looked at, you've
[27:16] seen, that you respect. Okay? Some of
[27:19] them could have been guests on the show.
[27:21] And then
[27:22] you get a tap on the shoulder. You turn
[27:24] around. You look at this person.
[27:26] And it's somebody you've met before,
[27:28] 100%.
[27:30] And they say something to you. They've
[27:31] said it to you before, and you get deja
[27:32] vu, and it's something impactful. It
[27:35] left an impression on you. Is that a
[27:36] fair assessment?
[27:37] >> Yeah.
[27:38] And that inherently right there, boom,
[27:40] that makes you think of another person.
[27:42] I don't know whether
[27:44] I don't think they mentioned this other
[27:45] person, but something about that
[27:46] takeaway or that that thought or that
[27:50] moment of clarity or wisdom made you
[27:51] think of someone else in your life. It
[27:52] was connected to them. This next person,
[27:54] person number two I'm calling, they
[27:55] jumped over. Open your eyes. When was
[27:57] the last time you had spoken to that
[27:58] person?
[27:59] The person number two? Yeah.
[28:02] Um
[28:05] today. Today. Okay, let's let's lean
[28:07] into this. Think of their first name.
[28:09] Count the letters to yourself.
[28:12] Don't say it. Yeah.
[28:15] And somebody you know well, you've
[28:16] spoken to them today. I watched your
[28:18] eyes. You went up, up, up, up, up, up.
[28:22] Five letters, isn't it?
[28:24] Yeah.
[28:25] You asked me how I do it. You said, "Do
[28:26] I study people?" You just gave it away
[28:28] yourself.
[28:30] There's five letters to choose from.
[28:32] There's 26 in the alphabet.
[28:34] Pick any letter in this person's first
[28:35] name. Mix them up a little. Yeah. And
[28:37] then you grab one out, and you just
[28:39] decide this is the letter I want to
[28:40] focus on. Yeah. Now, knowing you,
[28:42] knowing you as an entrepreneur,
[28:44] knowing you, the way you give
[28:45] interviews, I think I know what you
[28:47] would want to do.
[28:48] Knowing that you know Derren Brown, you
[28:50] know how some of this works. So, your
[28:51] instinct was to go against your instinct
[28:53] cuz you go, I know this would be
[28:54] obvious. You didn't think of the first
[28:55] letter, did you? No. You didn't want to.
[28:56] You thought that would give it away.
[28:58] Yeah. Because once I know that, it's
[28:59] easier to figure out the rest. And then
[29:01] I know there's vowels in the name. And
[29:04] so, inherently you said,
[29:05] that limits my subset. You didn't do a
[29:07] vowel, did you?
[29:08] No.
[29:11] L, are you thinking of an L?
[29:13] No. I got it.
[29:15] It's funny because by you saying no, it
[29:17] means you gave away both.
[29:20] I've written this down. Can you close
[29:22] your eyes? For the viewers who are
[29:23] watching this as a video, I'm going to
[29:25] show them.
[29:26] And for everybody else to know who's
[29:27] just listening in their headphones while
[29:29] running or doing something, this can't
[29:31] change what I wrote down. Open it up.
[29:34] Open it up to your You thought of an S,
[29:35] but switched from the L. Is that
[29:37] correct? Tell us all, what is their
[29:38] first name?
[29:39] Jules. Jules. Mhm.
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[30:50] You know, you walk into rooms and people
[30:52] hear that you're a mentalist, so they're
[30:54] already like somewhat on edge. Yeah. And
[30:56] you can see you can see that they're on
[30:57] edge, right?
[30:58] >> Yeah, you got to sweeten it because It's
[30:59] how do you What do you do about that?
[31:01] Cuz everywhere you go, people are going
[31:02] to be like, "Fuck this guy. He might be
[31:03] able to guess my You know, that's what
[31:04] they're thinking. They're thinking he
[31:05] can guess my bank pin, so I'm going to
[31:07] give nothing away." So, you must be
[31:08] meeting people that are like closed off
[31:10] your entire life. How do you get them to
[31:12] go from closed to open up? I think it's
[31:14] being likable. So, this Think about it.
[31:16] If you met somebody who could really
[31:17] read your mind, and I can't read minds.
[31:19] Just I want to be clear throughout the
[31:21] process cuz people say, "Oh, what's he
[31:22] trying to teach?" I can't read minds.
[31:24] I'm not psychic. I am not supernatural.
[31:26] I don't claim to be. You could do this.
[31:29] Maybe not as well because I think
[31:31] there's an inherent talent. Just same as
[31:33] musical talent. I can't play a guitar. I
[31:35] can't sing to save my life. No matter
[31:37] how much training you give me, I will
[31:39] never have the voice of Harry Styles or
[31:41] Ed Sheeran. It's not in the cards for
[31:42] me. But, you're tricking me to think
[31:45] that my eye movements played a role.
[31:48] >> So, I will tell you this. I am tricking
[31:50] you to believe that certain things are
[31:53] more important than others. Your eye
[31:56] movements and body language play a role,
[31:57] but whether it played a 10% role, a 50%
[31:59] role, 100% role, that's 100% true. My
[32:02] job is to misdirect you and to use
[32:04] multiple methods Yeah. so that as soon
[32:07] as you go down a path and you think you
[32:09] got me,
[32:11] I jump to the next lane. I do it a
[32:12] different way. There's also a
[32:14] possibility that 0% of
[32:17] that trick you just did was about my
[32:19] eyes. I I didn't say it was about your
[32:21] eyes though, did I? You said you looked
[32:23] up the 1 2 3 4 5 letters of
[32:25] >> true. Try for yourself though. Honestly,
[32:27] try for yourself. How many letters
[32:29] somebody counts,
[32:30] if they have a long name, it takes
[32:32] longer to process. You aren't going to
[32:34] be able to use a name and counting the
[32:36] number of letters in your day-to-day
[32:37] life.
[32:38] >> Mhm. So, if I were to show you how to do
[32:39] it, you were to attempt it, and you were
[32:40] to get it right 75% of the time, which
[32:42] you'd be shocked that you would, you'd
[32:44] then go, "Now what?"
[32:46] Who cares? Most of you are not going to
[32:48] take and spend the next decades learning
[32:50] mentalism. Rather, I'm going to try and
[32:52] take the most important parts of
[32:54] mentalism and show you how you can use
[32:55] them. Another huge one is just
[32:57] confidence. How do people build
[32:59] confidence? When I was 14 and I started
[33:02] doing this, was I this hyper-confident
[33:04] teenager? No. My folks just got
[33:06] divorced. My life was pretty tumultuous.
[33:08] I think I did this as a way to not have
[33:11] to deal with all of the trauma and kind
[33:12] of sadness. And confidence gets built
[33:15] over time. So, what's a better way to
[33:17] fast-track that? For a lot of people,
[33:19] you walk into a room, you have to give a
[33:20] presentation,
[33:22] are you nervous as hell? I think most
[33:23] people would say yes. Would you agree to
[33:25] that?
[33:27] What can you do tomorrow to get in there
[33:29] and feel like you own the room, the same
[33:31] way I go on TV for a million people, or
[33:33] right now for millions? I think there's
[33:35] so much of it has to do with there's a
[33:37] panic that we have in us, where we take
[33:41] and we fear a certain feeling, which is
[33:44] I have certain things that I dread
[33:46] doing. Like, let's say I have to call
[33:47] someone and give a call of things I
[33:48] don't want to say. I have to I have to
[33:50] turn someone down for something. I I
[33:52] hate that. I'm avoiding it at all
[33:53] lengths, the same way you procrastinate
[33:55] things you don't want to do.
[33:57] I have this little trick in my mind,
[33:59] where what I do is I ask myself, "What
[34:01] will I feel like tomorrow about this?"
[34:04] What will I feel like tomorrow? What if
[34:05] I could fast-forward my feelings to
[34:07] tomorrow? And instead of just, you know,
[34:10] up in the air, try it. Right now, what's
[34:12] something that you, the listener, don't
[34:14] want to do? You don't want to call
[34:15] someone, you don't want to deliver bad
[34:15] news. You know this person's about to
[34:17] ream you out. You're avoiding it at all
[34:19] costs. You're moving it in your calendar
[34:20] to tomorrow, the next You keep doing
[34:21] that. Do it now.
[34:24] And I want you to set an alarm 24 hours
[34:27] from now. Put it in your in your I'm not
[34:29] I'm for real. Put an alarm that says
[34:30] tomorrow. Write down how you feel about
[34:32] this. Scale of one to 10.
[34:35] Right when you finish the call, you're
[34:37] going to feel in the dread before you're
[34:38] going to feel an eight, nine, 10 of
[34:39] dread. The next day when the alarm goes
[34:41] off, ask yourself, how do I feel? Most
[34:43] of the time you feel nothing. Two or
[34:45] three. It's out of sight, out of mind.
[34:47] So, what if you could trick your brain
[34:49] the same way I tricked you to think your
[34:51] eye movements have anything to do with
[34:53] it? Trick your own brain to see how you
[34:55] feel a day from now. You feel nothing.
[34:58] So, what if you can just start doing
[34:59] that to yourself? Rewire your brain and
[35:01] say, "I'm going to feel nothing in a
[35:02] day. Screw it. I'm going to do it now."
[35:05] And just that trick of getting over
[35:06] procrastination
[35:08] builds a tremendous amount of
[35:09] confidence. Another one is I would walk
[35:12] up to tables and people would kick me
[35:14] out. They'd be like, "Get out of here.
[35:15] Go do kid." They wouldn't pay attention
[35:16] to me. Things that would hurt my
[35:17] feelings. So, what I did is I created in
[35:20] my mind some way where I have two
[35:22] separate personalities. This guy was Oz
[35:25] the entertainer, Oz the magician, now Oz
[35:27] the mentalist.
[35:29] This guy was Oz Pearlman. They don't
[35:31] know the real me. That's a different
[35:32] guy. So, when I walked up to a table and
[35:34] got turned down or rudely rejected,
[35:38] instead of me feeling that pain in
[35:40] myself,
[35:42] I pushed it somewhere else. And I go,
[35:44] "You know what? They didn't like Oz the
[35:45] entertainer. That's a different guy.
[35:47] That's not me." And so, the same way
[35:49] that if you took right now a bowl of
[35:51] water right here and we poured salt in
[35:53] the water, it's salt water. But, what if
[35:55] we could take an invisible small piece
[35:57] of plastic and put it right down the
[35:59] center. And now you pour all the salt in
[36:01] one side. This side is immune. This is
[36:03] fresh water. If you can do that in your
[36:05] own mind, the same way that I use my
[36:07] tricks to trick your mind, trick your
[36:08] own mind.
[36:09] That will take away the sting cuz so
[36:11] many of us we don't go after our goals
[36:15] because we're scared of what happens if
[36:17] they don't work out. It's all about
[36:18] accountability. You fear the rejection.
[36:21] And if you can get over that, it is a
[36:23] superpower in life. The same way you
[36:25] asked me, how did you know it was going
[36:26] to work? Because I stopped thinking
[36:27] about it not working. And people that
[36:29] have that singular focus on making
[36:31] something work, those are the
[36:32] entrepreneurs. Those are the people that
[36:34] you see achieve. Those are the athletes.
[36:35] Those are the people who have a hyper
[36:37] fixation and focus on a goal that they
[36:40] will make it happen. They manifest it.
[36:43] And what about communication, your
[36:44] communication style, and how important
[36:45] that is? Like, what what what are you
[36:47] thinking about when you're communicating
[36:48] as an entertainer to make sure people
[36:50] are paying attention and they're
[36:51] engaged? Be watching the audience all
[36:53] the time. The audience never lies. So,
[36:56] you have to really assess what the
[36:57] audience is throwing at you. And I'm
[36:59] seeing people, and I'm seeing are they
[37:01] interested? Are they on the edge of
[37:02] their seat? Are they leaning forward?
[37:03] Indicators of interest. Are they sitting
[37:05] back and checking their watch? Are they
[37:07] yawning? Obviously, you can't do this
[37:09] with everybody. When I'm in a room with
[37:11] a thousand people, maybe one guy's
[37:12] hungover. Maybe their baby didn't sleep
[37:14] last night and they had a red-eye
[37:15] flight. I can't know everyone, but I can
[37:18] watch individuals and see how they're
[37:20] reacting to me, and I can quickly change
[37:23] and pivot and see how I can continue
[37:25] keeping their attention. And if I was
[37:27] listening to this right now, am I
[37:29] turning it off? Am I fast-forwarding? Am
[37:31] I getting tangible takeaways? If I get
[37:33] three things from this that I can put
[37:36] into action tomorrow, this is a smash
[37:38] success. Because if I get one thing that
[37:40] somebody says to me, like one tidbit
[37:43] that they say, I feel like that can
[37:44] change your life, then take action. I'm
[37:47] all about action because I think in so
[37:50] many instances, there's no
[37:51] accountability. Inspiration and
[37:53] motivation is garbage. I could care less
[37:55] if I've inspired you. I want action.
[37:57] What is your goal? Do you want to lose
[37:59] weight? Do you want to make a certain
[38:01] amount of money? Are you making a
[38:02] million dollars next year? Is that
[38:04] really going to make you happy? So, a
[38:05] lot of the time we make goals that we
[38:06] think of, but then we get them, you
[38:09] know, I have made more money in the last
[38:11] 10 years than if you'd asked me 10 years
[38:12] ago I dreamt possible. Does that make
[38:14] you happy? It makes life easier, but I
[38:16] don't think it's just pure fulfillment.
[38:18] I know a lot of people that are very,
[38:20] very wealthy, and they aren't happy.
[38:23] I'm around a lot of wealthy people. It's
[38:24] just the nature of my thing. And And I
[38:26] ask myself, they're billionaires, and if
[38:28] this isn't making you happy, what is? I
[38:30] don't think that money is always the
[38:33] goal that you should attain. I
[38:34] understand why I didn't have a lot of
[38:36] money as a kid, so that was like a
[38:37] barometer of success for me. But as I
[38:39] have kids, and as I see that life is
[38:41] short and feel my mortality, I realize
[38:43] some things are much more important than
[38:44] money. But if you have a goal, let this
[38:48] be the cue not to inspire you, but to
[38:50] literally take action. Right now, what
[38:52] is it that you want to do? I Somebody
[38:54] talked to me the other day and said,
[38:55] "Man, I love watching you run. I would
[38:57] love to run." Stop. Start running.
[38:59] Tomorrow, put a reminder in your
[39:01] calendar. Literally, tomorrow, my first
[39:03] run.
[39:04] Then put one 30 days from now to make
[39:07] sure you're accountable, and then decide
[39:09] what makes you accountable. For me, I
[39:10] don't like to be embarrassed. So, I'm
[39:12] going to write to 10 people that I know
[39:14] and tell them I'm signing up for a 10K.
[39:16] So that now, if I don't go through with
[39:19] it, it's going to come up in a future
[39:21] conversation, and they're going to say,
[39:22] "Hey, Steve, whatever happened with the
[39:23] 10K?" Now, I have to eat humble pie with
[39:26] 10 different people and say to them,
[39:28] "You know what? I didn't do it." Oh. Oh,
[39:30] okay, you didn't do it. I want that to
[39:33] be my motivator. Maybe your motivator's
[39:34] internal, maybe it's external, but find
[39:37] what motivates you and use those levers
[39:39] to generate action. You know, in your
[39:41] profession, a lot of the like with
[39:43] Derren Brown, a lot of it is he'll make
[39:45] you think that like we said earlier,
[39:47] like it's it's my right hand, but
[39:49] actually it's my left.
[39:50] >> Yep.
[39:51] How Like how do you contend with
[39:53] being someone who whose job it is to
[39:55] sort of misdirect me, to make me think
[39:58] it's my right hand, not my left, or
[39:59] whatever,
[40:00] but then also
[40:02] trying to give people information that
[40:03] will make them successful in their
[40:04] lives?
[40:05] >> Right. Well, the ethics of it. Like the
[40:07] >> trying to sell you anything about being
[40:09] a mind reader or a mentalist. This is a
[40:10] separate pursuit. The skills surrounding
[40:14] everything I do,
[40:16] those skills, it's like How to Win
[40:18] Friends and Influence People. It's a
[40:19] book I've read over and over and over.
[40:21] It's
[40:22] It's I don't want to say it's dated, but
[40:24] it's of a different era.
[40:26] The skills that allowed me to reach near
[40:28] the top of my profession aren't the
[40:31] tricks. There's other people that can do
[40:32] that. There's other people that can do
[40:33] this. There's other people that can
[40:35] guess your card. So, what led me to
[40:37] here? Do I do it better than them?
[40:40] I'll let you decide that.
[40:41] My secrets to success are the exact same
[40:43] ones you can apply to your life. That's
[40:45] the key. The fact that I've made it
[40:46] about them, not me.
[40:48] How have I been on all these TV shows?
[40:50] How have I had such a wide diversity?
[40:51] Has nothing to do with performing. It
[40:53] has to do with me turning the mirror
[40:54] around. The moment you realize that you
[40:56] will be successful in your life when you
[40:58] start making other people the star,
[41:00] thinking about them, thinking about
[41:01] what's going on in their head. That's
[41:02] true mentalism. What are they thinking
[41:05] and how do I deliver on that? How do I
[41:07] make them look good? How do I make them
[41:08] like me more? How do I win them over?
[41:11] So, that when the moment comes for them
[41:12] to recommend somebody or to give them a
[41:14] raise or do something, they know that
[41:16] you're the person that they think of
[41:18] first. And I think those skills,
[41:20] again, I wouldn't It's not really
[41:22] mentalism, but it's the exact same tools
[41:24] that I use. It's not guessing numbers or
[41:26] names. It's knowing how to influence
[41:29] others.
[41:30] And if I wasn't able to influence
[41:31] people, none of the things I just did
[41:33] would work. You would just say, "No, I'm
[41:35] not going to do that."
[41:37] On the skill of listening, which I I
[41:38] think is also so important to what
[41:40] you're saying there about being likable
[41:41] and winning people over,
[41:43] do you have a system or a framework for
[41:46] being a great listener? You talk about
[41:47] it a little bit in the book near the
[41:48] end. I think you have five ways to
[41:50] become a better active listener. Yes.
[41:53] Can you run me through those? Sure.
[41:55] Should I give you a funny story? Should
[41:56] I kind of lead this off? So, I did a
[41:58] party for Steven Spielberg. Yeah. Um it
[42:01] was his father's 90th birthday. It was
[42:03] pretty intimate affair.
[42:04] I was noticeably nervous in my mind, not
[42:06] for the performance, but to meet Steven
[42:08] Spielberg. So, he defined an era of my
[42:10] childhood and I feel like likely for a
[42:12] billion or several billion other people.
[42:15] So, at the end of the show, he comes up
[42:16] to thank me, and I'm I'm ready. I was
[42:19] able to ask Steven Spielberg
[42:21] zero questions.
[42:23] Do you know why?
[42:25] He
[42:26] talked to me the whole time. He kept
[42:27] asking me questions, rapid-fire this and
[42:29] about my life and about what drove me
[42:30] and this and I just wanted to keep being
[42:32] like, "Pause. I got questions for you.
[42:34] You're Steven Spielberg." He made it all
[42:37] about me.
[42:38] All about me, and I learned that that
[42:39] day that that it's a greater power to
[42:42] listen, and that the most interesting
[42:44] person in a room
[42:46] tends to be the most interested person
[42:48] in the room. And that some of the people
[42:49] I've seen that are the most successful,
[42:51] the most authentic and genuine, they
[42:53] will look you in the eye, they will lock
[42:55] in, they will not be looking around at
[42:56] other people, and they will give you
[42:58] their 100% undivided attention,
[43:00] and they will ask you questions that
[43:02] other people haven't asked you before.
[43:04] And I challenge you, don't just do the
[43:06] normal question when you meet somebody.
[43:08] Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh,
[43:09] what
[43:10] We, as soon as we do that, we go into
[43:11] autopilot. I go into autopilot, and I'm
[43:13] not judging you.
[43:15] Most people do that, right? 50% of
[43:17] people have to be below average, right?
[43:20] And And 49.9% are above average. That's
[43:22] inherently the va-
[43:23] Challenge yourself to be the outlier,
[43:25] and think of a question you can ask
[43:27] someone if you have time to
[43:28] think of it in advance or in the moment
[43:31] that throws them out of autopilot, that
[43:34] makes them think, "Wow, I haven't really
[43:36] thought of that before." Asking
[43:38] questions that are not yes or no
[43:39] questions are also great. Ask questions
[43:42] that let them explore who they are. I
[43:44] think that's a big part of active
[43:45] listening. And I let the audience guide
[43:48] me
[43:48] to what's of interest to them.
[43:51] When we walked in here today, I said to
[43:53] think of a favorite
[43:54] of of a category. If I knew the
[43:56] category, would I be able to guess what
[43:59] the answer was?
[44:01] No.
[44:03] What is the question? You know what? Uh
[44:05] tell it to me. I don't even want I don't
[44:06] want to write anything down. I want you
[44:07] to just say it out loud. Give me the
[44:08] question. What is the question that you
[44:10] have defined the answer to? Give me that
[44:12] question. Ask it to me. What is my
[44:13] favorite car. What is my favorite car?
[44:16] Yeah.
[44:17] And you think there's no way I could
[44:18] know that.
[44:19] No prior research could have alerted me
[44:21] to it. No prior research, no.
[44:24] You decide, the same way that you do
[44:25] with jewels, I want you
[44:28] to think of the name of the car, whether
[44:29] it's the brand, whether it's the make,
[44:31] and I want you
[44:33] to pick
[44:34] one letter
[44:36] out from anywhere. From From I is I'm
[44:39] assuming it's more than one word unless
[44:41] you just said Ford. I Again, I don't
[44:43] want to lead you, but if it is more than
[44:45] one word,
[44:46] and if it's two, three, four words,
[44:47] decide on one of the words. Have you
[44:49] decided on one of the words? Yeah. Oh,
[44:51] one of the words.
[44:52] >> Don't say another word. Now, you just
[44:53] saying that was interesting. Decide on
[44:55] one of the words Yeah. and pick one of
[44:57] the letters, something interesting to
[44:58] you. Grab the one letter and just focus
[45:00] on that one letter. Yeah. You have it?
[45:01] >> Yeah.
[45:03] Now you ask me. You said, "It's all
[45:05] misdirection, right? The eye movements,
[45:06] that this is all just window dressing."
[45:08] But you just gave something away.
[45:10] You said, "One of the words."
[45:12] with a question.
[45:15] Because you were confused. You didn't
[45:17] know what to do
[45:19] if there was only one word. I would
[45:21] never have said that if it was three
[45:22] words. Why would it be one of the words?
[45:23] Of course it's one of the words. So you
[45:24] did one, and then I think
[45:30] this one went through your head. You
[45:32] read You went to the last Did you think
[45:33] of the last letter
[45:35] of it?
[45:37] No. Okay. So that would have been my
[45:39] first guess. But now that you didn't,
[45:41] I'm going to go back.
[45:44] Are you thinking of the letter Y?
[45:46] No.
[45:51] Maserati, Ferrari, Lamborghini. It's not
[45:54] like you.
[45:55] Close your eyes.
[46:05] >> Open your eyes. I've written it down. I
[46:07] can't change my mind.
[46:12] What car is it? It's uh it's my
[46:14] Cybertruck.
[46:17] It is your Cybertruck. That's what I
[46:18] thought it would be.
[46:21] Yeah.
[46:29] Yeah, I was thinking of the letter T. T?
[46:31] I did it originally think of Y. You did?
[46:33] Yeah, and then I moved to to T. Yeah.
[46:37] If I got it right every time, it would
[46:38] be a magic show.
[46:40] So, sometimes when you perform, you
[46:41] things must go wrong sometimes.
[46:43] >> It depends like what level they go wrong
[46:45] at what scale. Yeah. If it goes just
[46:48] destructively, like catastrophically
[46:50] wrong, it's not always good.
[46:51] >> Tell me a time when it went
[46:52] catastrophically wrong.
[46:53] >> Oh, so you can dig up old TV appearances
[46:56] uh from 15 years ago where just, you
[46:58] know, it purely I started learning that
[47:01] if you do something linear, which is if
[47:03] I
[47:04] show you my hand and tell you where this
[47:05] is going,
[47:07] then you have the power. What do I mean
[47:09] by that? If I said, "I'm going to guess
[47:10] this,"
[47:11] and then I get it wrong, then you know I
[47:13] got it wrong. Mhm. What if you don't
[47:15] know the ending of the movie? Then if I
[47:16] show you an alternate ending, you don't
[47:18] know that the movie wasn't supposed to
[47:19] end that way. So, I learned early on
[47:21] that I'm not going to let you hold the
[47:22] cards. I hold the cards. So, when you
[47:24] even the the the notion of get it wrong
[47:26] means you knew what making it getting it
[47:28] right was. Does that make sense?
[47:30] >> Yeah. But what if you don't know what
[47:31] getting it right was because I'm
[47:33] doing so many different things at once
[47:35] that I will eventually find a way to get
[47:37] it right. Mhm. You see what I mean?
[47:39] Yeah.
[47:39] And have you learned any ways to break
[47:42] the ice in social situations? You talk I
[47:44] think you talk about You do, you talk
[47:45] about this a little bit in the book, but
[47:48] um you you one of the ways that you
[47:49] talked about is object sort of handling
[47:51] the objection that you're assuming one
[47:53] has, approaching from a different angle.
[47:55] But just generally in life when you meet
[47:56] these people and you're trying to disarm
[47:58] people
[47:58] >> Yes. is there anything else that is
[48:00] worth knowing there that people can use
[48:01] for that in their everyday lives? I like
[48:03] having an inner monologue out loud. So,
[48:05] I like to take things that I know
[48:07] everyone is thinking and
[48:10] open up, show some vulnerability. So, a
[48:13] great way you're in an uncomfortable
[48:14] social setting, what do you want to do?
[48:16] You want to shut down. You want to be
[48:16] here? I think walking up to somebody has
[48:18] a real power and say
[48:20] "I'm so nervous. I don't know anyone
[48:22] here. Do you know anyone here?" Like,
[48:23] that moment of opening yourself up and I
[48:26] don't want to call it oversharing cuz
[48:28] some people take that to too much of a
[48:29] degree and start you know, telling you
[48:31] too much, but showing that you are a
[48:33] real person and vulnerable, I think just
[48:37] it's a it's a magical quality. And I've
[48:39] had people that do it to me that you
[48:41] gain an intimacy and a familiarity with
[48:42] them very quickly that you wouldn't have
[48:44] if you were just small talking each
[48:45] other. Have you ever met those people
[48:47] that have that instant charisma that
[48:48] when they walk in the room everyone
[48:49] gravitates towards them? And you don't
[48:51] know what that is. What is that quality
[48:53] they have? Did they train it? Is it
[48:55] innate? Are they born with it?
[48:57] Um for me, I didn't have that. So, I
[48:59] cheated and started doing magic tricks.
[49:02] I remember Jimmy Carr saying to me that
[49:04] you know, people think comedians are
[49:05] depressed whatever, but he said a better
[49:06] question to ask is
[49:08] always who are you trying to cheer up?
[49:11] Right.
[49:12] And I wonder if that's relevant at all
[49:13] to your situation.
[49:15] I think I was trying to connect with
[49:16] people. Yeah. I think that I was
[49:19] nervous, a little bit awkward. I wasn't
[49:20] introverted. I had no problem with
[49:22] walking up to strangers,
[49:24] but I think that it became this
[49:26] just uh this addiction Mhm. to watching
[49:30] people
[49:31] being amazed and overjoyed in the
[49:33] reactions. I live for the reactions.
[49:35] Some people
[49:36] that do magic, they do it for
[49:38] themselves. And in a guilty way, I kind
[49:40] of do as well because there is a selfish
[49:42] angle to seeing reactions, but to me
[49:44] it's more the joy. And to this day, what
[49:46] I like to say that I do for a living is
[49:48] not deceive. My job is not to fool you.
[49:52] My job is to create memorable moments.
[49:55] Not amazing moments. Amazing is a
[49:57] subset, memorable. Because if I amaze
[49:59] you and you forget it, I have failed. I
[50:02] failed. It's the same as if I walk into
[50:04] a movie that's an action movie. I eat a
[50:06] lot of popcorn. I walk out. 10 minutes
[50:07] later you say to me, "What was the movie
[50:08] about?" I don't know. Right that I don't
[50:11] know. And a month later you ask me,
[50:13] "Have you seen that movie?" And I go,
[50:14] "Did I see that movie?" That right
[50:16] there, that response, is the death for
[50:18] what I do, apathy. And in in the book in
[50:21] page 166 you talk about improving one's
[50:24] memory.
[50:25] >> Yes. What do I need to know? Why does it
[50:27] matter to improve my memory? And in what
[50:29] way does improving my memory help me to
[50:30] connect with other people? So, we've
[50:32] gotten to the point where we don't need
[50:33] our memory, right? A lot of people don't
[50:35] know how to drive to a place, a city
[50:37] next door. They literally with if GPS
[50:39] went out, good luck, right? You don't
[50:41] know anyone's phone numbers. How many of
[50:42] your friends' phone numbers do you have
[50:43] memorized?
[50:46] Few and far between.
[50:48] One.
[50:49] >> Exactly. Tomorrow, your iPhone goes
[50:51] away, no no no Apple, no cloud, you're
[50:54] screwed. You're screwed, am I right? If
[50:55] you can't get that back, your life is
[50:58] So, what do we need our memory for? I
[51:01] think memory is a superpower because no
[51:03] one expects you to have it anymore.
[51:05] Years ago you needed Now you don't. So,
[51:07] I'm going to give a great example, one
[51:08] that I have in my book, which is
[51:10] something applicable where you can't
[51:12] cheat. Cheat is I have my phone and I
[51:14] feel a lot of us, whether we're parents
[51:16] or kids or teenager or any of stage of
[51:18] life you are, you're going to meet new
[51:19] people at some point soon. You meet
[51:21] them, you shake their hand, you say
[51:22] hello.
[51:24] You just forgot their name. Literally
[51:25] they just said it to you
[51:27] and you forgot it. How many times has
[51:29] this occurred to you? I'm guessing
[51:31] numerous. And now you can't enjoy that
[51:34] conversation because all you do is feel
[51:35] dread. Now you're looking for someone
[51:37] around that you know to introduce them
[51:38] and pray to God you go, "This is Steven.
[51:40] Say hello." Like tell him your name, you
[51:42] know, you want that moment. So, I have a
[51:44] a a
[51:45] a tip for that specific situation as
[51:47] well as others for memory.
[51:49] But I've repurposed the instructions on
[51:51] a shampoo bottle, so it sticks in your
[51:53] head. Shampoo bottles have three words
[51:56] on the back. Lather, rinse, repeat.
[51:59] Right? Lather makes your hair smell
[52:01] good. Rinse cleans your hair. Repeat, we
[52:05] got to sell more Pantene Pro-V.
[52:06] So, we all know that. Everyone knows
[52:08] lather, rinse, repeat. I will describe
[52:11] it as this. Listen, repeat, reply.
[52:13] Listen, repeat, reply. So easy. The
[52:16] first step sounds silly. It's comical.
[52:18] Why am I even saying this? The first
[52:20] step is what 95% of us do wrong. We
[52:22] don't actually listen.
[52:25] When you hear that person's name, it's
[52:27] not a memory issue. You never even knew
[52:29] the name to begin with because right
[52:31] when you walked up to them, just like a
[52:33] computer, read-write, very hard to read
[52:35] and write at the same time for our
[52:37] brains. You were thinking of something
[52:39] else. You were thinking of what you were
[52:41] going to say back to them in most
[52:42] instances. So, at that moment, the
[52:45] number one thing to do is actually
[52:47] listen. Quiet your mind. So simple, so
[52:49] easy, but that's where we screw up.
[52:51] Right when I walk up to you, I make sure
[52:52] that I've heard your name because I
[52:54] instantly repeat it
[52:55] twice. Steven, is it Steve or Steven? I
[52:58] want to make sure. I've just said your
[53:00] name three times. Already your chance of
[53:02] forgetting it have gone down
[53:03] dramatically. The last one is reply,
[53:06] which is use one of the three following
[53:08] tactics. One,
[53:10] you could learn how to spell it. You
[53:11] have a name that can be spelled. So, I
[53:12] go, "Is it Steven with a V or a PH?" And
[53:15] you with a V, I go, "I like Steven with
[53:16] a V better. That's the right way. Am I
[53:17] right?" So, now I've associated it,
[53:19] Steven with a V.
[53:21] If it's not a name like that, if it's,
[53:23] you know, Jacob, you're not going to
[53:25] spell that. I'm going to say to you, uh
[53:27] uh
[53:28] I might comment. I go, "Jacob, I love
[53:30] that shirt. Where'd you get that from?
[53:31] The V-neck, Jacob, really sharp." So,
[53:33] now I've created a visual
[53:35] hook. You're Jacob with the V-neck
[53:36] shirt. Now I remember you. Third one is
[53:39] is if you want, you can do something
[53:41] that's a connector to someone else you
[53:42] know. So, if I know a Steven, it's so
[53:44] funny, you know, my sister's dating a
[53:45] guy named Steven. Small world.
[53:48] So, you've really quickly connected it.
[53:50] That happens in 5 seconds, what I just
[53:52] said. Everyone likes a compliment.
[53:53] Everyone likes a hook. You will not
[53:55] forget that person's name for the rest
[53:56] of the party. I promise you. And this
[53:58] works on people of all ages. It's not a
[54:00] memory issue. If you can remember your
[54:02] best friend's name, you can remember the
[54:04] name of somebody you met at a party
[54:06] after 5 seconds, if you practice and do
[54:08] exactly what I just said.
[54:10] And I think a huge part of it, as
[54:12] someone that does meet a lot of people,
[54:13] is you go into the the meetings with
[54:16] people. And because you don't really
[54:17] think the small stuff matters, you don't
[54:19] think Most people don't think someone's
[54:21] name matters that much. They think
[54:22] they're walking into the presentation,
[54:23] they're pitching for a million dollars,
[54:25] they're thinking about the campaign,
[54:26] they're thinking about, you know, how
[54:28] they're going to
[54:30] structure the offer. They're not
[54:31] thinking about the name being pertinent.
[54:33] So, you walk in, you shake hands, "Hi,
[54:34] Deborah. Nice to meet you, Deborah." You
[54:36] walk to your chair, you're still
[54:37] thinking about the campaign, the
[54:38] campaign, the campaign. And within 3
[54:39] minutes, you've lost their name. And um
[54:42] I do think it really has a huge impact
[54:44] when
[54:45] I I When I was reading your book, I was
[54:46] thinking, like, "Do you know what? I
[54:47] don't do a good job of that. I meet
[54:49] loads of people all the time. I walk up,
[54:50] I say my name, they say theirs. For me,
[54:52] that's not important information."
[54:53] Right. Um and and I thought, "You know
[54:55] Until you get it wrong, and then then
[54:58] that's the memory they carry of you. I
[55:00] would say to people, "If you don't know
[55:01] someone's name,
[55:02] we think that it's a dreadful thing to
[55:04] ask them again." It's an avoidable thing
[55:06] with this, but I would still say that
[55:07] you're still showing interest, and
[55:09] there's a few tactics around it, but
[55:10] say, "Forgive me, but I really would
[55:12] like to know. I don't know why it
[55:13] slipped my mind. Tell me your name
[55:14] again, please." I think even that is a
[55:17] much better way to play it, because
[55:19] again, you're human, they're human,
[55:21] everyone's vulnerable. I don't think
[55:22] there's anything wrong with that. So,
[55:24] I'm okay with letting people know that
[55:26] there's a human side, and humanize it.
[55:28] And sometimes, if I can't figure it out,
[55:29] I will. But I'll say, "Give me a clue."
[55:31] And I go, "Help me out. Tell me where
[55:32] it's like, 'Oh my god.'" And sometimes,
[55:34] I have a memory hook, and and remember
[55:35] who introduced us. I'll go, "Oh, I met
[55:37] you through Steven."
[55:38] I've had so many founders speak to me
[55:40] and say, "Why didn't this particular ad
[55:42] that I ran on this platform work for
[55:44] me?" Maybe the copy wasn't good, the
[55:46] creative wasn't strong, but usually the
[55:47] problem is they're not having the right
[55:48] conversation because that ad never
[55:50] reached the right person. And if you're
[55:52] in B2B marketing, that is much of the
[55:54] game. And this is where LinkedIn ads
[55:56] solves that problem for you. Their
[55:58] targeting is ridiculously specific. You
[56:00] can target by job title, seniority,
[56:03] company size, industry, and even
[56:05] someone's skill set. And their network
[56:07] includes over a billion professionals.
[56:09] About
[56:10] So, when you use LinkedIn ads, you're
[56:11] putting your brand in front of the right
[56:13] people. And LinkedIn ads also drive the
[56:15] highest
[56:18] B2B return on ad spend across all ad
[56:20] networks in my experience. If you want
[56:22] to give them a try, head over to
[56:24] linkedin.com/diary.
[56:27] And when you spend $250 on your first
[56:29] LinkedIn ads campaign, you'll get an
[56:31] extra $250 credit from me for the next
[56:35] one. That's linkedin.com/diary.
[56:38] Terms and conditions apply.
[56:40] Just give me 15 seconds to explain how
[56:42] you can build a viable business online.
[56:44] The people I see winning in life don't
[56:46] have a perfect plan. They just take the
[56:47] first step and then the next and then
[56:49] they keep going. They stay obsessed and
[56:51] they stay consistent. And Stand Store, a
[56:53] platform I co-own and one of our
[56:55] sponsors, is the best first step to help
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[57:23] 14-day trial at
[57:25] stevenbartlett.stand.store.
[57:29] And what else what else should should we
[57:31] should my audience know about? You're
[57:33] someone that focuses on the audience.
[57:34] What else should they know about that
[57:35] you think can directly improve their
[57:37] life?
[57:39] I mean, I've given you a lot of like the
[57:41] core tenants that I think have made me
[57:42] successful, which is eliminating that
[57:44] fear of rejection,
[57:46] utilizing notes, making it about other
[57:48] people. I think I think wrapping things
[57:50] up in a story is a huge one that we
[57:52] touched upon lightly, but that Why why a
[57:55] story? Because stories are remembered.
[57:57] Stories are interwoven into our DNA.
[58:00] Each of us have a story to tell. I think
[58:02] such a big one is deciding what makes
[58:05] you memorable. The more that you can
[58:06] become memorable to others, the more
[58:08] people talk about you,
[58:10] it benefits you no matter what you do in
[58:12] life. When you meet somebody, know that
[58:14] you're going to weave the narrative
[58:16] of what they leave, what they think of
[58:19] you, right? You have to
[58:21] kind of their memory is malleable.
[58:23] There's a trick I used to do when I was
[58:25] a teenager where I would have somebody
[58:27] pick a card. It was a card trick.
[58:29] They would put the card back in. They
[58:30] would sign it. I would throw it on the
[58:32] ceiling. The deck would fall down, but
[58:34] their signed card stayed stuck on the
[58:36] ceiling. But when they described the
[58:38] procedure back to someone else,
[58:40] they would leave out the part with me
[58:42] throwing the deck.
[58:43] Why did they forget such an important
[58:45] detail?
[58:47] And I I couldn't understand why. It's
[58:48] not that their memory was faulty.
[58:50] Something happened.
[58:51] I realized what it was. What I put my
[58:54] attention on, they put their attention
[58:56] on. Like everything in life. If you're
[58:58] focused on the negative, you start to
[58:59] feel negative. I, when I threw the deck
[59:02] up, sometimes wouldn't look up with it.
[59:04] I would throw the deck up. I wouldn't
[59:06] look, and then I'd catch it. Such a
[59:07] small minute detail, but me doing that
[59:10] meant I caught the deck. No one knew
[59:11] what happened, and I let them
[59:14] look up and discover the card themselves
[59:16] rather than me do it. Somehow in that in
[59:18] their brain, they
[59:21] deleted that one detail of me throwing
[59:24] the deck. And now I had a miracle. And
[59:26] that changed my way of thinking from
[59:27] there on out, which I said to myself, it
[59:29] doesn't matter what I do, it matters
[59:31] what people remember.
[59:33] And what's the story they tell others?
[59:35] The thing I really learned from that is
[59:36] that
[59:37] your focus is driving someone else's
[59:39] focus. So, when I'm you know, when I'm
[59:41] going through my life,
[59:44] I need to make sure my focus is in the
[59:45] right place, the place that I want you
[59:47] to it to be. And I notice that sometimes
[59:49] as a podcaster because obviously so I'm
[59:51] trying to manage this conversation and
[59:53] I've got these notes written in front of
[59:54] me. I've got pens, books, props. I've
[59:56] got a little net in the front of me that
[59:57] has photos in it and other bits and
[59:59] pieces and all this stuff. And I do
[60:01] notice that during the podcast
[60:03] conversation, if I don't look up at the
[60:05] guest and I start looking down a little
[60:07] bit or even if I'm just looking down to
[60:08] see my next bullet point or to think
[60:10] about something, Right. I distract the
[60:12] guest.
[60:13] But it also in everyday life, the other
[60:15] thing that I think we're all guilty of
[60:16] and you talk about this in your book, is
[60:18] um
[60:20] we sometimes reach for our phone a
[60:21] little bit. Right. The card story,
[60:23] that's what it said to me. It said that
[60:25] oh my god, people's focus really is
[60:27] where your focus is. So, if I'm having a
[60:28] great conversation with you and you're a
[60:30] client or something and I just glance at
[60:32] my watch, you just did it then with me
[60:34] again. You just glanced down at my hand.
[60:36] >> Right. And I never realized until you
[60:37] said that card thing how important it
[60:39] was to make sure my focus is in the
[60:40] right place. Your focus is in the right
[60:42] place, but also know the fact that your
[60:45] memory is malleable. So, in my
[60:47] profession, I employ all different
[60:49] tactics. I can tell you one is
[60:51] confusion.
[60:52] Your brain is it's very difficult for
[60:54] your brain to read and write at the same
[60:56] time. So, if I want to distract you from
[60:58] a method and I confuse you, then it's
[61:00] exactly like an Etch-A-Sketch. Maybe
[61:02] you've drawn a picture and the moment
[61:04] you get confused and you go
[61:06] you forget what you just did exactly.
[61:09] And the Etch-A-Sketch has just been
[61:10] shaken and now you can't recount the
[61:13] series of events properly. And at that
[61:15] moment, you've now created this
[61:17] beautiful watercolor painting that
[61:19] hasn't dried. I can move some of the
[61:21] pieces around and I can redraw your
[61:23] picture a little bit, and I can change
[61:25] your memory of what it is. I, during
[61:27] certain points when I'm performing, and
[61:29] this has to do with you talked about
[61:30] public speaking and storytelling,
[61:33] I tell you the story that you're going
[61:35] to tell others, and I take out the
[61:37] pieces I want out. I want this gone, I
[61:40] want this gone, I want this gone. I'm
[61:41] going to edit your memories. Give me a
[61:44] specific example.
[61:45] >> that's the nature of what I do. So, in
[61:47] in a certain routine, again, what I
[61:49] would ask someone if if I asked somebody
[61:51] to think of someone important to them,
[61:53] and then later on I guess the name of
[61:55] their first kiss,
[61:57] they will forget how the question was
[61:59] orchestrated, how I set up the initial
[62:00] ask, and what happened during the
[62:02] initial ask. And then the story they
[62:03] will tell to someone else is, "I don't
[62:05] know how but he guessed my first kiss."
[62:07] Now, when they tell that story, he goes,
[62:08] "He told me to think of anyone, and and
[62:10] I thought of my first kiss, and he
[62:11] guessed it."
[62:12] What if I didn't? What if I narrowed it
[62:14] down, and I actually told you to think
[62:16] of your first kiss, but the initial
[62:17] question was think of anyone? And see
[62:19] all those people swirling around your
[62:20] mind, and then one person comes up you
[62:22] haven't seen since elementary school.
[62:24] First girl you ever kissed, you're blown
[62:26] away. Now, the people that watched it
[62:27] have also seen a different effect. It's
[62:29] known as a dual reality. The reality one
[62:31] person experiences is different than the
[62:33] other. Yeah. Right? If you walk in to a
[62:35] conversation in the middle, you don't
[62:37] know the context, but you know the
[62:39] ending. Yeah. So,
[62:41] I'm using that because again, when you
[62:42] tell me the methods of mentalism,
[62:44] mentalism is all about group dynamics,
[62:46] the way people think. If I was
[62:48] performing for you in a group, it would
[62:49] be utterly different and completely
[62:51] easier. This one-on-one interaction is
[62:54] far more difficult cuz I have no lanes
[62:56] to weave around. It's like if I was
[62:57] passing you in a car on a four-lane
[62:59] highway, I've got space. Right now, you
[63:00] and me are locked in. It's very
[63:01] difficult for me to use others cuz
[63:05] the way you feel it next to someone
[63:06] else, you'll behave differently than by
[63:07] yourself. And you're someone that, you
[63:09] know, started doing this at a very young
[63:10] age and has developed and evolved their
[63:12] skill set over time. And so, you've got
[63:13] five kids, and I'm I'm wondering how
[63:15] important you think obsession is to get
[63:18] to the very top. You've gotten to the
[63:20] >> blessing. It's a blessing. If somebody
[63:21] can find an obsession, You've gotten to
[63:23] the top of an industry where very few
[63:24] people
[63:26] get to the top of. And even if they do,
[63:28] they don't end up on the biggest
[63:29] platforms in the world. So, thinking
[63:31] about the characteristics of your
[63:33] success, um
[63:35] for this kid it was obviously obsession
[63:36] was a huge part of that, right?
[63:38] >> Yes.
[63:39] How old were you in this photo?
[63:41] Uh probably 14. Probably right when I
[63:44] started restaurant. That 14 to me. Okay,
[63:46] 14 then and you're 43 now? That's right.
[63:50] So, you've been doing this decades and
[63:52] decades and decades. The majority of my
[63:53] life.
[63:55] How important do you think that is to to
[63:57] reach the top of any industry?
[63:59] I don't know if I would say the time
[64:02] matters as much because I've seen people
[64:03] that are phenoms in much in much like
[64:06] more compressed times. I don't want to
[64:07] say that you need your 30 years.
[64:09] Passion. The people that excite me the
[64:12] most to be around in my life, the people
[64:13] that I look up to and I'm on the edge of
[64:15] my seat always have a passion. I don't
[64:18] care what that's for. I don't care if
[64:19] you are a you know
[64:21] a trashman and your obsession is is
[64:23] trash like something that I would never
[64:24] think about. I've met so many people
[64:26] where they have a topic that meant
[64:27] nothing to me at the moment, but once I
[64:29] start speaking to them, their level of
[64:31] excitement, their their feeling like the
[64:33] fact that they're so invested makes me
[64:35] feel invested. But to hone your skills
[64:37] to the point that you can reach the peak
[64:39] of a mountain.
[64:41] I speak to someone called DJ EZD and he
[64:42] was saying to me he spends 7 hours a day
[64:44] he's a great DJ. And when I watch him
[64:46] it's like watching a magician play the
[64:47] decks. And he said to me he spends 7
[64:49] hours a day sometimes listening to 700
[64:52] different new tracks a day just
[64:53] listening to 20 seconds of each. And I
[64:55] don't think people often get to see that
[64:57] level of obsession. They see people sat
[64:59] here, but they don't get to see the all
[65:01] the like the messy journey to here.
[65:03] Right. I think it's important to show
[65:05] them what that messy journey to here
[65:06] looks like because then they can decide
[65:08] for themselves in their own life if
[65:09] whatever thing they're pursuing is worth
[65:10] the trade.
[65:12] Like is it worth it to sit here and to
[65:14] be who you are now for like that?
[65:17] You say worth it as if it's a negative
[65:18] thing. I I think it gave a definition to
[65:20] my life. I think that to have a passion
[65:23] is something so few of us I've hit the
[65:25] lottery in life. I get to meet
[65:27] interesting people. I get to bring joy.
[65:29] I get to live my dream. Everything I do
[65:32] is of my own volition. Like I I couldn't
[65:35] I don't even know how I'd complain for
[65:36] an iota of a second. I've won the
[65:38] lottery times the lottery times the
[65:39] lottery. I I don't know. I It's not even
[65:42] my profession. I have a mindset where
[65:45] I could die tomorrow. Right? Everybody
[65:47] who doesn't think that way that you
[65:48] don't have gratitude for today is like I
[65:51] don't know. I'm a natural optimist. I
[65:53] just think that But I mean what does
[65:54] that actually look like? Cuz I no one no
[65:56] one was there to see those what? 30 20
[65:58] 30 years?
[65:59] >> Yep.
[65:59] How much work was there? And is it like
[66:02] you were doing it part-time? Is it free
[66:04] time? Is it the shower? Are you thinking
[66:05] about it in the shower? Is it
[66:07] >> So I think I've been thinking about it
[66:08] for decades. And now even now I it
[66:10] consumes my thoughts at certain points
[66:12] in time even though I try to
[66:14] try to also be present in the moment.
[66:15] It's not like a absolute obsession. 7
[66:18] hours a day is pretty rough. But
[66:20] the muse of creativity comes to me. And
[66:23] and it's there's so fulfilling. It's the
[66:24] same way like this book putting this
[66:26] book on paper you were you're an author
[66:28] as well was such an exceptional
[66:29] challenge because my thoughts and then
[66:32] crafting them onto the page into words.
[66:34] And also at the end of the day who cares
[66:37] about me? I I always have this mindset
[66:39] of I need to prove to you. I don't come
[66:41] from the assumption of you should watch
[66:42] me because I'm great. I have an inverse.
[66:44] I said I need to define to you why you
[66:46] should be watching. Why you should be
[66:48] listening. Why this should excite you.
[66:50] Why this should amaze you. Hopefully it
[66:51] inspired you to take action and you got
[66:53] something tangible that will provide a
[66:55] value in your life. And I wouldn't have
[66:57] written the book. Trust me that the book
[66:59] I didn't need to write this book. I
[67:00] wrote the book because so many people
[67:01] had said to me we want to know what
[67:03] helped you achieve success. And they're
[67:05] fascinated by this pursuit. And I think
[67:08] that was it. I just was driven by the
[67:09] people around me that they said, "You
[67:10] should write this." And I felt I finally
[67:12] had a story to tell.
[67:15] And what's the one thing about your
[67:16] success and your new life that
[67:18] if this guy knew
[67:21] he may have hesitated a little bit to
[67:23] pursue the life that you now have.
[67:25] I think being very busy and success has
[67:28] its pitfalls. If you assign your
[67:30] self-esteem to something others can give
[67:33] you, be it fame, be it money, be it
[67:35] things that are intangible and that can
[67:37] be taken away, and you don't define
[67:39] yourself worth by something internal,
[67:40] like your own drive, competing against
[67:42] yourself, creating your own goals, then
[67:44] it's fleeting. Fame, for example,
[67:46] there's going to be ups and downs. Every
[67:47] career has a life cycle. Right now
[67:49] things are going very well. There's no
[67:51] question that at a certain point the
[67:52] peak hits,
[67:53] and now you go down. And it's
[67:55] inevitable, and I don't think about
[67:57] that. I'd like to continue the peak or
[67:59] continue go climbing and climbing
[68:00] climbing, but when that happens I'm
[68:02] aware of it, and I will not it's not a
[68:05] something that will define who I am.
[68:07] This is part of it. I think having
[68:08] outside interests and challenging
[68:10] yourself outside your comfort zone, for
[68:12] me, ultramarathons, marathons, athletic
[68:14] pursuits that cannot be bought, they
[68:17] must be earned. And I think that's
[68:19] something we value more and more in our
[68:20] day-to-day life because again, there's
[68:22] influencers, there's people, there's
[68:24] followers, there's all this stuff that I
[68:26] don't want to call fickle,
[68:28] but it can be bought.
[68:30] What can be earned? Earned are things
[68:32] that you This has been earned by you.
[68:34] This has been you putting in sweat
[68:35] equity for decades, believing in
[68:37] yourself.
[68:39] Each time you get a big guest, you
[68:40] harness your momentum and get a bigger
[68:42] guest. You've earned this. You create a
[68:44] team around you. I think that's
[68:45] something notable and that people should
[68:47] decide what's your goal, and as you
[68:49] strive towards it, that's where you feel
[68:51] the fulfillment. For me, it's been being
[68:53] on the road. Like the most biggest
[68:54] negative is being away from my children
[68:56] and wife, and that's success, and I
[68:58] can't not do that. If I want to be
[69:00] successful, I have to be gone a lot, and
[69:03] so I have to find that balance between
[69:05] the two of having my kids miss me, but
[69:07] also creating a life for them in the
[69:08] future, and also juggling the fact that
[69:10] I have, you know, major career
[69:12] ambitions. Um, is there anything else
[69:15] that my audience might be able to take
[69:16] away and action in their own lives that
[69:18] is in line with maybe this this David
[69:20] Goggins quote in the front of your book,
[69:21] "Learn to master the most powerful
[69:23] weapon, your mind." Is there anything
[69:24] else that my audience should be aware of
[69:26] so that they can show up better in their
[69:27] lives um in the pursuit of their goals?
[69:30] I think defining your goals is huge.
[69:32] Looking yourself in the mirror and being
[69:34] honest and seeing what that voice really
[69:36] says to you, because
[69:37] I, just like everybody else, have had
[69:39] feelings of inadequacy, feelings of I'm
[69:42] not going to be able to pull this off,
[69:43] and it's not that it's not as if I'm
[69:45] there's a superhuman thing of I'm, you
[69:46] know, I'm putting my head down, I'm
[69:48] going to get through it like Goggins
[69:50] doesn't stop. If you've ever met him, he
[69:51] is a machine. He's amazing, but he goes
[69:54] out and he'll tell you he's the first
[69:55] one who doesn't going to want to go out
[69:56] and run when it's raining and cold and
[69:58] freezing. But, you know why he does it?
[70:00] Because he didn't want to do it. That's
[70:02] where the real work is. When I'm doing a
[70:04] workout that's exceptionally hard, when
[70:06] it gets to the hardest part, that's when
[70:08] I tell myself, "All of this was easy.
[70:10] This is where I'm actually growing."
[70:13] So, I challenge you right now to assign
[70:15] yourself a goal. Right now, if you get
[70:17] one thing out of this podcast, decide
[70:19] one thing that you want to strive for.
[70:21] Define it. Define it. Don't do these
[70:23] pie-in-the-sky things. Goals that are
[70:25] achievable have to be quantifiable. Be
[70:27] it a number, be it something achievable,
[70:29] decide what it is and make tomorrow the
[70:31] first day you go after it and create all
[70:34] of the things that will help you
[70:35] succeed, not fail. Most of us when we
[70:37] start a goal, the joke is you start
[70:40] January 1st. Everyone's starting their
[70:41] fitness journey.
[70:42] By February, no one's in the gym
[70:44] anymore. Why is that? Why does everyone
[70:46] give up? Because the hard work is at the
[70:48] beginning. Those first few weeks of
[70:51] setting a habit in place, I have a lot
[70:52] of things in here that are all about how
[70:53] you form habits. I literally put in the
[70:55] book "Proven Habits for success. It's
[70:57] not tricks.
[70:59] For example, Atomic Habits had a huge
[71:00] impact on me. Some of these books that
[71:02] show you where is that inflection point
[71:05] from you trying to do something to you
[71:07] ingraining it in your muscle memory and
[71:09] now it becomes self-fulfilling. You keep
[71:12] doing it because you like doing it. I
[71:13] didn't love running when I started. Now
[71:15] running is my vacation. I enjoy running.
[71:17] It gives me a flow state. I make up new
[71:19] ideas. I get to kind of check in with
[71:22] myself. I think physical activity is so
[71:25] important. So many of the chronic
[71:26] diseases and things we have are
[71:28] lifestyle choices
[71:29] and inactivity. We could solve so many
[71:31] huge problems we have simply by
[71:33] eat healthier and start working out a
[71:35] little more. And nobody wants to hear
[71:37] that, but you do a little bit of hard
[71:38] work, you continue
[71:40] and you maintain.
[71:43] So yeah, I I'm I'm hoping that's useful,
[71:44] but that that's what I want people to
[71:46] do. If you take action tomorrow and
[71:48] start making your goals happen, get
[71:50] inside your own head,
[71:52] that's what I want you to do right now.
[71:54] But you remember when I had you close
[71:55] your eyes
[71:57] and I had you see hundreds of different
[71:58] people. I had you envision people that
[72:00] you've met, famous people, people that
[72:03] you like, people you care about, all
[72:04] those different people and one person
[72:06] tapped you on the shoulder, gave you a
[72:07] piece of advice. Do you remember that?
[72:09] >> Yeah. And that piece of advice
[72:12] set in motion you thinking of jewels.
[72:14] Yeah.
[72:16] Who is the person who tapped you on the
[72:17] shoulder, you turned around, you looked
[72:18] them in the eye
[72:20] and they said something to you that
[72:21] changed your life, created a memorable
[72:23] moment and put in place that domino
[72:25] effect. Tell me, who did you think of?
[72:27] Michelle Obama.
[72:29] Open up that piece of paper.
[72:35] Funny.
[72:38] It's a photo of Michelle Obama.
[72:51] She's gorgeous, though.
[72:59] Okay, we have a closing tradition on
[73:00] this podcast where the last guest leaves
[73:01] a question for the next guest
[73:03] without knowing who they're leaving it
[73:04] for. And the question that's been left
[73:06] for you is Oh, fantastic.
[73:10] If you could live forever, would you?
[73:13] And why or why not?
[73:16] Woo.
[73:20] I think I would. I think I would. An
[73:22] obsession of mine growing up has been
[73:24] science fiction. My favorite books to
[73:25] read, the ones that just capture my
[73:27] imagination. And there's so many books
[73:29] I've read about immortality.
[73:31] And there's a book that this brings to
[73:33] mind
[73:34] by Octavia E. Butler, which is
[73:36] underrated. It's called Wildseed, and
[73:38] not a lot of people have read it. It's a
[73:39] sci-fi book. And it's
[73:42] it delves into this exact subject. And
[73:44] just what would it be like to see all
[73:46] the people around you pass away, and the
[73:48] sadness. And then what would you do
[73:49] because at some point you'd feel empty.
[73:51] People just die, right? It's kind of
[73:53] like think of it as the life of an
[73:54] insect. Just they disappear. They come,
[73:56] they go, they come, they go. And I think
[73:58] that eventually you would revert back to
[74:00] being completely numb and cold. But at
[74:02] the same time, death is just that abyss
[74:05] that everyone, no matter how much we
[74:07] avoid thinking about it, talking about
[74:08] it, you're going to die. I'm going to
[74:10] die. And one day
[74:12] you'll have that final breath. Will you
[74:13] know it's going to happen? Will you not?
[74:15] What will you think about in those
[74:16] moments? What will you go into it with?
[74:18] Will you still have that fear of death?
[74:20] I I think our whole lives are an
[74:22] extension of trying to avoid thinking
[74:23] about our eventual death.
[74:25] I think I would love to live forever.
[74:27] But I bet you once I live forever, it
[74:30] would start to be a curse.
[74:32] I can't wait to think of the question
[74:33] I'm going to ask the next person.
[74:36] Thank you so much. Thank you for writing
[74:38] a book that inspires people to live
[74:40] their better life. I think all the
[74:41] principles in here are all human
[74:42] principles that focus on how we can
[74:44] relate better to other people. And so
[74:46] many people are struggling to connect
[74:47] with other people for so many reasons
[74:48] and that's causing so much downstream
[74:51] mental health issues and physiological
[74:52] issues and disconnection in the world
[74:54] and we're seeing that increasingly. If
[74:55] you go on the internet, you see a lot of
[74:57] disconnection because we're struggling
[74:59] to relate to people. And I think it's,
[75:00] you know, the most I think for me the
[75:04] most important byproduct of the work
[75:06] that you do
[75:07] is you make people
[75:10] curious and open-minded.
[75:12] And there's so much that comes from
[75:14] that. People just being a bit more
[75:15] curious. And that's, you know, that all
[75:16] people get, the magic of it. I think it
[75:19] makes people's minds expansive. And if
[75:21] people have expansive minds, then that
[75:24] might just be the catalyst to all types
[75:26] of progress. I love it. Do you know what
[75:27] I'm saying? Like that might
[75:28] >> being open-minded and having a different
[75:30] feeling than the usual, which is in our
[75:31] day-to-day, we get into this autopilot.
[75:34] Well, yes, we feel pings of joy, pings
[75:36] of anxiety, pings of depression, pings
[75:38] of happiness.
[75:39] My I told you, the thing I got addicted
[75:41] to was giving people this different
[75:43] feeling. Yeah. Which is a feeling you
[75:45] lose out. Children, you see it in their
[75:47] eyes. Again, it's it's a little hokey to
[75:49] say, but when I see my 3-year-old or my
[75:52] 2-year-old discover something new and
[75:54] you see it through their eyes, it's a
[75:55] gift. It's something you get back.
[75:56] Because once you're an adult, you can't
[75:58] have that same thing because you've
[75:59] become jaded to the world. And suddenly
[76:01] for them to see a a butterfly fly and
[76:03] it's like this joyful experience and
[76:05] seeing it through a kid's eyes, it's
[76:06] honestly it it's been the greatest joy
[76:08] of my life is seeing joy of my kids.
[76:10] It's seeing that cuz it's in our DNA.
[76:12] That's my version of immortality.
[76:13] >> And humans lose that. We get more
[76:15] cynical and we lose that.
[76:16] >> more and more and it's sad to me because
[76:18] I have lost it knowing how I do the
[76:20] things I do. So, to ask me the good
[76:22] question is if I get fooled by another
[76:24] magician or mentalist, how does it make
[76:25] me feel? Amazing. It's the best feeling
[76:28] and I try immediately to hold back the
[76:31] part of me that wants to know how it was
[76:33] done. Because right away, there's a
[76:35] professional curiosity. The same way
[76:36] that a movie star or a director can't
[76:38] watch a movie and just think of it.
[76:40] They're watching Here's how you did the
[76:41] camera. Here's this panning shot. Here's
[76:42] the ISO. Right? They can't disconnect
[76:44] from the how the sausage is made. Yeah.
[76:47] I, because those moments are so few and
[76:49] far between, I instantly, in my mind,
[76:53] stop I stop myself from thinking how
[76:55] and I enjoy that wonder because it's so
[76:57] few for me that I can't I can't I know
[76:58] how everything's done. So, when I get
[76:59] it, I love it. It's like the day you
[77:02] figured out Santa Claus wasn't real.
[77:03] It's like busting an illusion. And when
[77:06] I figured out Santa Claus wasn't real,
[77:08] my world got small like the
[77:09] possibilities of the world got smaller
[77:11] because there when magic existed
[77:13] anything was possible. Right? And that's
[77:14] a great place to live. But when I found
[77:16] out Santa Claus wasn't real, I was like,
[77:17] "Oh."
[77:18] You know? Yes. It's like, "Oh, there's
[77:20] no magic in this world." Right. And
[77:22] that's not a nice way to believe. And
[77:23] you're you're, you know, the work that
[77:25] you're doing and the performances that
[77:26] you do and the entertainment you bring
[77:28] keeps people's minds open and lets them
[77:30] imagine, be creative, and believe that
[77:32] there's still magic in this world. And
[77:33] that's a wonderful thing. I highly
[77:35] recommend people go get your book. I'm
[77:36] going to link it below and put it on
[77:37] screen for anyone that wants to grab it.
[77:40] It's called Read Your Mind: Proven
[77:41] Habits for Success from the World's
[77:43] Greatest Mentalist. And the people on
[77:44] the back are some of which are my
[77:46] friends. I've got an investor of mine on
[77:47] here.
[77:48] Many of my former podcast guests on here
[77:50] as well like Jay Shetty and Mark Cuban
[77:52] and Adam Grant. And
[77:54] on the front, David Goggins.
[77:57] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for
[77:59] having me. Thank you for putting this
[78:00] out in the world and I enjoyed this.
[78:02] Even though your recent one on AI scared
[78:03] the crap out of me, but I'm honored to
[78:05] have been a guest and I can't wait to
[78:06] write a question for the next person and
[78:08] live on.
[78:10] Make sure you keep what I'm about to say
[78:11] to yourself. I'm inviting 10,000 of you
[78:14] to come even deeper into the Diary of a
[78:16] CEO. Welcome to my inner circle. This is
[78:19] a brand new private community that I'm
[78:21] launching to the world. We have so many
[78:23] incredible things that happen that you
[78:24] are never shown. We have the briefs that
[78:27] are on my iPad when I'm recording the
[78:28] conversation. We have clips we've never
[78:31] released. We have behind the scenes
[78:32] conversations with the guests and also
[78:34] the episodes that we've never, ever
[78:36] released. And so much more. In the
[78:39] circle, you'll have direct access to me.
[78:41] You can tell us what you want this show
[78:42] to be, who you want us to interview, and
[78:44] the types of conversations you would
[78:46] love us to have. But, remember for now,
[78:48] we're only inviting the first 10,000
[78:50] people that join before it closes. So,
[78:53] if you want to join our private close
[78:54] community, head to the link in the
[78:55] description below or go to
[78:56] doacircle.com.
[79:00] I will speak to you then.
