贸易战逼出移民潮！中国每100个移民，31个去美国！剩下全涌向这6个国家！#移民 #美国 #泰国 #养老签证 #中产 #圆桌派 #养老 #经济

贸易战催生移民潮：中国每百名移民中31人赴美，其余涌向六国 内容深入记录了中国中产家庭为逃离国内高压的“淘汰式教育”与内卷环境，举家或由母亲带娃迁往泰国清迈陪读的真实经历。通过康哥、吴芸、白博等多个家庭的个案，展现了他们在国际学校寻求宽松育儿环境的同时，所承受的社会身份滑落、跨国分居的情感拉扯、异国商业法规限制以及医疗和签证风险。节目进一步探讨了从国内“轨道”切换到异国“另一条轨道”的现实落差，并借由第三文化儿童的身份认同与泰国松弛的教育理念，反思教育的本质是否应是赋予孩子获得幸福的能力。 泰国清迈正成为中国中产家庭教育避险的重要聚集地，凭借相对低廉的生活与学费成本，2023年当地多所国际学校中国学生占比已达50%。 (0:01) 跨境陪读引发严重的职业降级与法律风险：泰国公司法限制外资持股不超49%，且陪读签证严禁工作，国内白领常被迫从事搬家、代驾等蓝领边缘岗位。 (11:35) 教育出海往往是不可逆的单向车票：中考前离开即切断体制内退路，且清迈就读经历并不直接保证欧美名校录取或签证获批。 (13:11) 破除“旷野”神话：许多家庭原本试图逃避国内高压应试，最终发现海外生活并非无拘无束的旷野，仅是换轨到了另一套国际升学系统与结构化压力中。 (18:57)

Escaping intense academic competition in China, an increasing number of middle-class families are relocating to Chiang Mai, Thailand, to pursue alternative, holistic education for their children. However, participants and researchers observe that this lifestyle migration imposes severe professional devaluation, financial precariousness, and transnational emotional strains on parents. Trading Academic Elimination for Holistic Refuge (0:01) Frustrated by China's hyper-competitive 'elimination education' and examination pressure, Chinese middle-class parents are choosing Chiang Mai as an accessible educational sanctuary. Chiang Mai features 38 international schools, offering lower tuition and living costs alongside English-language instruction. At institutions such as Panyaden International School, the curriculum integrates bamboo architecture, morning meditation, and progressive philosophies emphasizing self-regulation and knowing the proper measure, rather than punitive drills. By 2023, several international schools reported that Chinese pupils accounted for up to half the student body in certain grades. Sociological fieldwork by Chiang Mai University doctoral candidate Niu Yafan highlights that Chinese families view northern Thailand's slower rhythm as an academic buffer. The relocation often recreates a nostalgic, close-knit community fabric reminiscent of the parents' own childhoods. While critics question whether fleeing domestic pressure is merely running away, parents counter that subjecting children to unrelenting academic molds risks extinguishing their innate spirit and curiosity. Legal Barriers and Downward Professional Mobility (11:35) Relocating to Thailand requires parents to absorb sharp downward socioeconomic mobility. Thai corporate law restricts foreign commercial ownership to a 49% stake, requiring 51% Thai citizen equity. This rule strips foreign founders of executive governance and ultimate financial control over ventures such as local sports gyms. Furthermore, Thai immigration enforcement strictly prohibits employment for foreign guardians residing on dependent or guardian visas. Consequently, established Chinese white-collar professionals—including former bank managers and media hosts—face the complete erasure of their professional identities. Stripped of work authorization and unable to transfer specialized credentials into the host country's restrictive labor market, accompanying parents either identify strictly as dependent housewives or resort to informal, low-prestige service roles such as driving, salon work, or manual labor. The Irreversible Strain of Border-Splitting Families (13:11) The educational migration often fractures the traditional family unit, relying on 'solo-accompanying' mothers who raise children abroad while husbands remain employed in Chinese Tier-1 cities to provide financial support. Moving abroad represents an irreversible decision; once children miss the domestic high school entrance examination (Zhongkao), testing back into the mainstream Chinese education system becomes practically impossible. Families burn their bridges, leaving Western institutions or local fallbacks like Chiang Mai University as their only options. Managing cross-border marriages imposes exhausting psychological strains. Left-behind fathers describe acute feelings of powerlessness and worry rather than mere loneliness, especially during economic disruptions or health crises. Sustaining living expenses, technology requirements, and tuition across borders while seeing family only once every six months introduces deep relationship fissures, occasionally culminating in marital estrangement or divorce. A Strategic Transit Point and Rootless Cosmopolitanism (22:32) Because Thailand does not grant citizenship, naturalization paths, or public welfare safety nets to foreign residents, families treat Chiang Mai as a strategic transit hub rather than a permanent destination. Many parents leverage Thailand's affordable elite training—such as golf, where coaching costs remain a fraction of Chinese rates—as an alternative backdoor into English-speaking higher education. In successful instances, intense micro-management by dedicated 'Golf Dads' has enabled students to secure varsity spots and annual scholarships reaching $45,000 at American universities. This transient status fundamentally reshapes the children's self-concept. Raised in multinational enclaves where foreign residents often outnumber locals, expatriate children navigate an organic, rootless cosmopolitanism. When asked about their origins, young students frequently identify not with China or Thailand, but simply with the city itself: 'I'm from Chiang Mai.' Intergenerational Clashes and Cycles of Discipline (49:37) Cross-cultural relocation sharpens emotional friction across generations, exposing incompatible philosophies of domestic order and child-rearing between parents and grandparents. In cramped multi-generational households, grandparents advocating endless patience frequently clash with parents enforcing strict boundaries. In one acute domestic confrontation, a mother disciplining her son with a cane inadvertently struck her own intervening father, violating traditional filial taboos. Families navigate these domestic crises by addressing unhealed intergenerational trauma. Drawing on lessons from their own early uprooting—such as being sent to study abroad alone at age twelve—parents acknowledge that overt anger is often an unarticulated cry for help. By reviving practices like exchanging handwritten letters, extended family members dismantle historical patterns of harsh discipline, recognizing that emotional security and present-moment companionship matter more than rigid authority. The source demonstrates that while migrating to Chiang Mai shields children from China's academic rat race, Thailand serves as a temporary holding pattern rather than a final haven. Ultimately, escaping systemic competition merely shifts the burden onto parents, leaving unresolved questions regarding sustained economic livelihood, long-term legal belonging, and the permanent dispersal of the modern family.

[0:01] Kang Weili: We gave everything we had just for the sake of the next generation's education. [2:09] Wu Yun: I am an adult now, and I can be responsible for my own actions. [11:35] There's no way you can be like in China where you have the final say. [15:02] Bai Bo: My biggest feeling was... I don't think it was loneliness; I think it was just worry. It was that sense of helplessness, especially during the pandemic. No matter how capable I am, I felt like I couldn't help them or be by their side when they needed me most. [15:02] There’s no such thing as a life of quiet luxury; it’s just that someone else is carrying the burden for you. [18:57] 人生的道路不是轨道，而是旷野 [18:57] Having gone through this year, I realized that life is still a track, just on different tracks; you switch. [21:26] The child drinks it, but the parents buy it... In most cases, the parents are the consumers, they are the clients, but the child is the true user. [22:32] Where are you from? [22:32] I'm from Chiang Mai. [23:56] Home is also where my heart is. [26:40] Life is actually just playing a game. If you enjoy it, you are engaged, and you are happy, then that is indeed the ultimate goal... Therefore, the purpose of education is to give children the ultimate ability to be happy. [28:22] You assigning it is your business, whether I do it or not is my business. If you give too much, I just won't do it.

[0:01] January in Chiang Mai is the peak of [0:03] the dry season, and Zhe and his younger [0:05] sister have fully adapted to the [0:06] year-round summer climate. They have [0:09] been living in Chiang Mai with their [0:11] parents for four years. Their father, [0:13] Kang Weili—known to everyone as [0:15] Brother Kang—left Inner Mongolia four [0:17] years ago and settled his whole family [0:19] in Chiang Mai. He and his wife became [0:22] parents accompanying their children [0:23] studying abroad in Thailand. Back home, [0:27] you know, regardless of the scale of [0:29] your business, you're driving a decent [0:31] car, showing off every day, right? [0:34] Yeah, you’re living quite a [0:35] comfortable life yourself. [0:37] We gave everything we had just for the [0:38] sake of the next generation's education [0:40] . [0:40] I am very certain about that. Honestly, [0:42] I just want the next generation to have [0:44] a better life than I did. But what [0:45] exactly does this "better" mean? [0:48] That’s my ideal. I think people [0:51] should generally be in a calm state and [0:53] just live well. I believe they should [0:57] live according to their own [0:58] personalities and interests. And do the [1:02] things they love. [1:05] Zhe and his sister attend the same [1:07] school. [1:10] The older brother is in 12th grade. The [1:12] younger sister is in 3rd grade. The [1:20] morning assembly is a session of med- [1:37] itation. Panyaden is a Thai [1:42] international school. It is surrounded [1:45] by bamboo. International schools in [1:48] Chiang Mai attract many Chinese parents [1:50] . Because the costs are lower and the [1:54] linguistic environment is more diverse. [2:00] In 2023, some international schools in [2:02] Chiang Mai even had classes where half [2:04] the students were Chinese. I can see [2:08] the end at a glance. [2:09] Wu Yun is from Guizhou, China. She used [2:12] to work at a bank and has now moved her [2:14] whole family to Chiang Mai. All three [2:16] of her children are now enrolled in [2:18] international schools. [2:21] We have one daughter and a set of twins [2:23] ; I don't want my children to face an [2:25] education based on elimination, but now [2:27] I’m facing a different problem: the [2:29] loss of my social identity. Because in [2:33] the past, wherever I went, I could [2:35] proudly and happily write down my [2:37] profession as bank manager, host, or [2:39] whatever; I felt very proud. But the [2:43] day I went to the airport, I only wrote [2:45] down "housewife," and truthfully, there [2:47] was a sense of disappointment inside. [2:50] Can you adjust to it now? I'm currently [2:54] in the process of searching, finding [2:55] myself, and believing I can do it. [2:59] Actually, when you make the choice at [3:01] the time, you don't foresee these [3:02] problems. [3:04] Didn't you think about it? [3:05] I did think about it, but at the time, [3:07] I didn't think it would be such a big [3:09] struggle. [3:09] Mm. When you have something, you might [3:11] not feel it’s that... [3:12] Right. [3:13] valuable, until the reality hits you [3:15] and you realize it. My father said he [3:17] wanted to disown me as his daughter. I [3:21] grew up exactly the way he planned, [3:23] every step followed his blueprint. In [3:28] the end, he was very satisfied with the [3:30] result, satisfied with this "product" [3:32] he created. [3:34] But then this "product" began to [3:36] self-destruct, and he just felt, "Why [3:37] is it like this?" So he said he wanted [3:39] to sever our relationship. But it was [3:41] followed by a long period of [3:42] communication. I felt I still needed to [3:44] tell him, "I am an adult now, and I can [3:46] be responsible for my own actions." [3:48] They came here. [3:50] I met Wuyun at a parent gathering. That [3:53] afternoon, I met a group of people with [3:55] the same aspirations. [3:57] As long as my child feels the world is [3:59] beautiful and is willing to keep trying [4:01] , we will keep supporting them. That is [4:03] our philosophy. [4:04] Before we left, my husband said [4:06] something to me. He said that because [4:09] our 20 years are equal to our [4:11] children's 40 months, learning how to [4:13] repair our relationship with our kids [4:14] is a very important matter. As for my [4:21] previous life, my state as a parent, [4:23] and my child's state, I was [4:24] dissatisfied with all of it, so my goal [4:26] was to change. [4:30] For us, it's a rebirth. It's a way to [4:36] leave behind previous anxieties or [4:38] immense pressure, come here for a fresh [4:40] start, a brand-new environment, and a [4:42] relaxed state of mind. It allows us to [4:48] calm down and think more about our own [4:50] future and the lives of our children. I [4:52] also hope everyone here can discuss [4:53] things together, because I've only been [4:55] here for half a year—it's very short. [4:58] I don't even know the roads in Chiang [4:59] Mai well; I only know the way to the [5:01] tutor's house and the school. So, [5:04] coming here, we truly hope that with so [5:06] many parents and predecessors, we can [5:08] work together to find a more suitable [5:10] path for our children. Some people [5:13] might say, "Shouldn't life involve [5:15] challenges?""Shouldn't you embrace [5:16] these difficulties?""Why would you want [5:18] to run away from these difficulties?" [5:20] Actually, I hoped he would grow by [5:21] building resilience, just like I did. [5:25] But for some children, by using such [5:26] inappropriate methods, you might [5:28] completely extinguish their personality [5:30] , their nature, and the future they [5:32] originally envisioned. So, why must you [5:35] use such a cruel way to educate your [5:37] child? [5:37] What does accompanying our children to [5:39] study abroad really mean to us? We say [5:41] it means change, it means personal [5:42] growth, and it means our children's [5:44] future. [5:44] Chiang Mai is Thailand's second-largest [5:47] city, located in the north, with a [5:48] large foreign population. Their [5:52] children need education, so various [5:54] international schools from kindergarten [5:56] to high school have appeared, currently [5:58] numbering 38. This here is the Old City [6:09] , the area with the most tourists in [6:11] Chiang Mai. Local Chinese told me that [6:14] Bangkok is more like a big city such as [6:16] Beijing, while Chiang Mai can be [6:18] compared to China's Yunnan. The [6:23] relatively low cost of living and [6:24] pleasant climate here make it an easy [6:26] first stop for Chinese families hoping [6:28] to relocate. At 3:00 PM, Niu Yafan [6:33] comes to pick up her daughter from [6:35] school. She is from Yunnan and has [6:37] lived in Chiang Mai for five years. [6:40] Unlike other parents, Yafan has a [6:42] special identity. She is a PhD student [6:44] at the Faculty of Social Sciences at [6:46] Chiang Mai University; this is indeed [6:48] Yafan. [6:50] She conducts research on Chinese [6:52] families studying in Chiang Mai, [6:54] looking at child migration and study [6:56] abroad mobility from the perspectives [6:58] of sociology, anthropology, and [7:00] education. This is why I say that for [7:02] Chinese families, the process of [7:04] immigration actually carries a lot of [7:05] pressure. The effort we put into our [7:10] children, and the life pivot we make [7:12] for this cause—Chiang Mai, [7:13] unintentionally, naturally forms [7:15] something like the life we had growing [7:17] up, the idea that "it takes a village [7:19] to raise a child." When we were young [7:23] ... [7:24] Yes, yes, yes. When we were young, we [7:26] grew up in a place where we could just [7:28] run around everywhere. It’s that [7:31] concept of neighbors, of community— [7:33] the whole atmosphere is very [7:34] family-friendly. The curriculum here [7:42] usually features one primary English [7:44] teacher, often from the West, paired [7:46] with two or three teaching assistants. [7:54] They are course teachers, mostly Thai, [7:56] but bilingual, so it’s equivalent to [7:58] Thai and English...So. So what you can [8:08] see is that, here, most of the time, [8:10] children are, as we say, "free-range." [8:13] Look here, look here, these kids are [8:15] just playing right here. [8:16] Is that allowed? It seems like...I [8:18] haven't seen any teachers come to [8:20] manage them. [8:21] Oh, they’re here, they’re here, yes [8:23] , they’re here. [8:26] The teacher is just calling them away [8:28] from the scene. Yes, taking them away [8:30] from the scene. [8:31] There was no immediate scolding; she [8:32] was very gentle, just saying "let's go, [8:34] let's go, stop playing." [8:36] Exactly. [8:37] Oh, they grabbed their own brooms and [8:39] came over. They have to clean up the [8:43] mess they made themselves. Not bad at [8:46] all. Yes, I think it's okay, because he [8:50] knows how to put the big things aside. [8:55] He has his own way. Bring a small cart. [9:06] For lunch, they have a buffet. See, [9:09] most of their snack times are just [9:10] laying out a blanket like this, and [9:12] then they eat. And every time they [9:15] serve snacks, it's open, so the teacher [9:17] just sits there. Wherever it is, if you [9:19] want some, you take it yourself. They [9:22] have a philosophy of "not too much, not [9:23] too little"—you have to take the [9:25] right amount. Yes, if there is leftover [9:28] food that wasn't finished, the teachers [9:29] and students at school can ask to pack [9:31] it up to take home. Is this one of the [9:34] 12 habits called knowing the right [9:36] amount? Yes. So that's what it is—not [9:38] too much, not too little, just the [9:40] right amount. So this is something that [9:42] applies very much in early years. So [9:45] when they are using paints or glue or [9:47] anything, we need them to think about [9:48] what's the right amount. They're not [9:51] using too much or too little. I'm sorry [9:53] . We need to not too much, not too [9:57] little. It's Panyaden promotes 12 [10:05] habits of wisdom, and "just right" is [10:08] one of them. If you are multinational, [10:17] your family education might not match [10:19] the social culture. Mm. [10:28] Because your family has its own [10:30] traditions, but you might go to a [10:31] different country, where the social [10:33] culture might be different from yours, [10:35] so you will encounter these differences [10:37] . Then the family might need to [10:39] consider whether to maintain their [10:40] traditions, combine them with these [10:42] cultures, or integrate into the social [10:44] culture. Then the school might become a [10:46] channel. And the children become the [10:48] vanguard, meaning they are the first to [10:50] experience what this transnational [10:51] thing is. [10:52] Oh, but many people who come here might [10:54] just think they are picking a school [10:56] for their child. Yes, they haven't [10:58] thought about the relationship between [11:00] the different parts you just mentioned. [11:03] Yes. [11:03] Take the money there. [11:05] Brother Heng used to work in the real [11:07] estate business back home, but now to [11:09] accompany his child, he has completely [11:11] given up his income there. To integrate [11:14] into local life, he opened a Muay Thai [11:16] gym. His son, Xiaoyu, is a boxer and [11:19] also an assistant coach here—aim [11:21] higher. For example, regarding what you [11:24] mentioned the other day about your gym, [11:25] what specific difficulties are you [11:27] facing now? [11:28] I actually have quite a few [11:29] difficulties, because we are in [11:31] Thailand as accompanying parents. Of [11:35] course, we are here for our child's [11:36] education, everything is for his sake, [11:38] so we have to compromise on everything [11:40] else. Because in Thailand, they require [11:44] that if you do business, more than 51% [11:46] of the shares must be held by Thai [11:48] people. Meaning, no matter how much you [11:50] invest, you must give more than half [11:52] the shares to Thai people. It's the [11:54] same for my gym; although I invested a [11:56] lot of money, I can only own 49%. Oh, [11:58] in that case, if you have any [12:00] disagreements or differing opinions, [12:02] you still have to listen to him, [12:03] because he holds the stake, and I'm [12:05] using local employees, right? So it [12:08] means I don't have control over my [12:10] finances or the core rights of running [12:12] the company, so there's no way you can [12:14] be like in China where you have the [12:15] final say, that's impossible, that's [12:17] the most important reason, and then, [12:19] they don't—they don't allow you to [12:20] work, if you don't have a work visa, [12:22] you aren't allowed to work. Yeah. [12:26] You just can't work directly, these are [12:28] all very, very realistic problems. [12:32] I know some parents who—I suppose you [12:34] could call them immigrant parents— [12:35] back in the country they were basically [12:37] white-collar workers, but they quit [12:39] their jobs for their children's [12:40] education and brought them out here. [12:44] But based on the labor market demand in [12:45] that country, their professions [12:47] couldn't be transferred over, so they [12:48] had to move down the ladder. It means [12:51] you might have been a white-collar [12:52] worker, but now you might have to [12:54] become a blue-collar worker, like [12:55] working in beauty services, for example [12:57] . Working as a mover, or as a driver; [12:59] of course, whether or not the market [13:01] respects it is one thing, but as for [13:03] their own labor resources—all that [13:05] human capital they accumulated in the [13:07] past—you might not be able to [13:08] transfer that abroad. [13:11] What also troubles parents is family [13:13] relationships, regardless of economic [13:15] status. So, this journey is too tough. [13:18] I don't want my child to follow this [13:19] path with me. I hope they can take the [13:22] college entrance exam, go to high [13:24] school, and go to college. I told her I [13:27] would absolutely not let her go abroad; [13:29] that's not your life. She couldn't [13:31] understand it at the time. [13:33] Most "solo-accompanying" mothers give [13:34] up their careers, live apart from their [13:36] husbands back in China, and children [13:38] also have to face the absence of their [13:40] father. [13:41] Alright, these two photos, compare them [13:43] . Quick, look, sister, sister is doing [13:46] quite well, her complexion is glowing, [13:48] and her son is so handsome and healthy. [13:51] Oh my, let me see the choices our [13:53] family has made. [13:54] Did you see it? [13:55] Let me take a look at your height. [13:57] Let me see, let me see. [13:59] Quick, look. [14:02] Oh my. [14:02] He also supports the idea of a family [14:04] split between two places; he's totally [14:05] okay with it. Yes, totally okay. He [14:08] feels it's all for the kids. He thinks [14:10] that since I could give up my career to [14:12] become a stay-at-home mom just to be [14:14] with them—which is something he never [14:16] imagined, because I always said I’d [14:17] never be a housewife—he feels that [14:19] everything done for the children makes [14:21] it all worthwhile. That’s why I [14:24] don’t mess around after coming here. [14:26] Since I’m already out here, I have to [14:27] go to university. Because I don’t [14:29] have a high school entrance exam score, [14:31] it would be very difficult for me to [14:32] test back into a Chinese school after [14:34] finishing high school abroad. [14:35] So you’ve basically left yourself no [14:37] way back? [14:37] Exactly. I’ve already cut off my [14:39] retreat. I only have one path now, [14:41] which is to get into university. Worst [14:43] case scenario, we go to Chiang Mai [14:45] University. I heard its international [14:47] ranking is on par with China [14:49] Agricultural University. I told myself, [14:52] I might not even get into that school [14:54] back home, right? I said attending [14:57] Chiang Mai University is a viable [14:58] option; it’s our ultimate backup plan [15:00] . [15:02] How can families separated by national [15:04] borders stay connected? Some people [15:06] call this "educational accompaniment" a [15:08] collaborative project. But this project [15:11] is full of challenges. Some families [15:13] fall apart because of it, while others [15:15] grow even closer and become more [15:17] dependent on each other. Yet, almost [15:19] everyone goes through a process of [15:21] realigning their internal family [15:23] relationships. Since I don’t get to [15:28] see them for long periods, I write down [15:30] the date in my phone’s notepad [15:31] whenever I notice changes in Jixiang or [15:33] Ruyi. Look, I still have notes in my [15:39] phone about how they’ve changed. [15:42] Oh wow, you even have their height and [15:44] weight. [15:45] What a great dad. Most people only keep [15:47] track of these things when the kids are [15:48] infants, but you’ve kept at it. Yes, [15:50] I think it’s important to have a [15:51] timeline. [15:52] You even track your wife’s, that’s [15:54] amazing. You keep records for your wife [15:55] too. [15:56] During the time we were separated—the [15:58] time we weren't together—I was in [16:00] Beijing. And while Wang Jun was with [16:02] the kids in Chiang Mai. Uh, my biggest [16:05] feeling was...I don’t think it was [16:07] loneliness; I think it was just worry. [16:10] It was that sense of helplessness, [16:12] especially during the pandemic. No [16:16] matter how capable I am, I felt like I [16:18] couldn't help them or be by their side [16:20] when they needed me most. Sometimes, [16:23] while on the phone, I would even [16:25] secretly cry. I think during that [16:28] period, for about eight months, I [16:30] didn't earn a single penny. [16:33] It's just that here, every month I have [16:35] to be on time to pay them, and [16:37] sometimes there are extra costs, like [16:39] if the kids need a new computer or some [16:41] school supplies, you have to pay for [16:43] those as well. So, sometimes I feel [16:46] like it's a bit of a vicious cycle. [16:48] There’s no such thing as a life of [16:49] quiet luxury; it’s just that someone [16:51] else is carrying the burden for you. [16:53] Oh, well said. Bai Bo and his two [16:57] daughters see each other every six [16:58] months. His wife, Wang Jun, shoulders a [17:01] lot of the burden on her own. [17:03] Renting a house here, especially for [17:06] foreigners, is basically like this. [17:08] Basically, when you rent a house, just [17:10] forget about getting your deposit back. [17:13] Oh, really? Why? It’s a Thai custom. [17:17] It’s usually, for example, you pay [17:19] one month's rent and put down a [17:21] two-month deposit. [17:23] You can basically kiss those two months [17:25] goodbye. No matter what your lease says [17:27] , they’ll find all sorts of excuses, [17:28] like saying the doors or windows are [17:30] broken. In reality, they aren't broken, [17:32] but after living there for two or three [17:34] years, there’s bound to be some wear [17:36] and tear, and they’ll use any reason [17:38] not to return your money. Public [17:40] hospitals are only for Thai citizens. [17:43] This might be a blind spot in our [17:45] knowledge—not all the insurance [17:47] you've bought is applicable here. [17:50] That's another added expense because [17:52] even though they have some insurance at [17:54] school... [17:55] Accident insurance. [17:56] Accident insurance. [17:57] It’s not quite the same. [17:58] The life insurance or critical illness [18:00] coverage we bought back home often [18:02] can't be used here. So, everyone [18:04] imagines that coming to an [18:06] international school in Thailand makes [18:08] it easy to get into universities in [18:09] English-speaking countries, right? Is [18:12] it really that smooth? [18:14] I think it’s completely unrelated. [18:16] Totally unrelated, it’s not what I [18:18] imagined at all. It really depends on [18:20] each individual's situation. [18:23] In the process, you’ll find that [18:24] there are so many factors to consider [18:26] when deciding where they can go. For [18:29] instance, the US—you can't just go [18:31] there whenever you want. Take the visa [18:34] process; we applied twice last year and [18:36] didn't get it. It’s incredibly [18:39] difficult; it’s a real problem. Then [18:42] there's choosing a school and which [18:44] state it's in; each state has different [18:46] policies. Whether you go as an [18:50] international student or apply under [18:52] local US policies—there are just so [18:54] many aspects to it. [18:57] Oh, is this yours and your brother's, [18:59] or? [19:00] Oh, soccer, German, English tutoring, [19:02] golf, German. I suppose few people [19:05] would think of coming to Thailand to [19:07] learn German nowadays. With German [19:10] schools, they can pretty much, when [19:12] they apply for university, they can do [19:14] it just like local German students, [19:16] meaning [19:18] they get the same quota or status to [19:20] apply to domestic universities, and [19:22] German universities are free; that's [19:24] the cost-effectiveness we see. Wow, so [19:27] you chose German not because they like [19:29] Germany or have any connections, but [19:31] simply because you found this is a [19:32] viable path. [19:34] Yes, in Thailand, especially in Chiang [19:36] Mai, the resources and information [19:38] regarding schools and education are [19:40] actually quite abundant; it’s just [19:42] about how you discern them. Isn't it [19:44] popular lately? "Life is not a track, [19:46] but a wilderness." But having gone [19:49] through this year, I realized that life [19:51] is still a track, just on different [19:53] tracks; you switch. Actually, the time [19:56] I spend with these families is very [19:58] short, not enough to understand all [19:59] their thoughts. But I sense that each [20:03] one of them had a vague vision in mind [20:05] when they set out. That vision turns [20:08] into a very realistic daily life [20:10] immediately upon arriving in Chiang Mai [20:12] . They have to re-plan, and many [20:15] realize this is not the end of their [20:17] studies; the road ahead is still full [20:19] of unknowns. Is it because family [20:22] relationships have to be readjusted [20:24] during the relocation process? [20:26] Are there many such examples? [20:28] Actually, quite a few, but their [20:30] distribution is quite interesting. [20:32] There isn't a mainstream trend saying [20:34] most are doing well or most are [20:36] splitting up; it's divided into [20:37] different situations. Based on my [20:44] research, if calculated by percentage, [20:46] the family bond actually tightens when [20:48] moving because the whole project is for [20:50] the children, bringing all family [20:52] members together, sometimes even [20:53] grandparents, so this project actually [20:55] boosts family closeness and unity. But [21:03] after some time, that transition begins [21:05] . [21:05] Hello? [21:06] Hi, hello. Are you calling to inquire [21:08] about sending your child to study [21:09] abroad? [21:09] Yes. Uh, I’m looking at Thailand [21:11] right now. Is Chiang Mai more [21:13] cost-effective? I’m looking at [21:16] tuition and such. Yes, that’s right. [21:19] My child is doing quite well, but I [21:21] heard that you can't get into the good [21:22] international schools, and if it's not [21:24] a good one, I’m afraid it will hinder [21:26] them. That’s the state I'm in right [21:28] now. [21:29] Even people who aren't married yet come [21:31] to consult. [21:32] Yes, it's true, it really happens. [21:35] People who were single before have now [21:37] come back to us with their one-year-old [21:38] kids, wanting to go through with this. [21:41] It’s a very long, high-commitment [21:43] process; we talked for ages, she still [21:45] didn't have a boyfriend, and I felt I [21:47] was holding her up. But you can see [21:50] just how much importance they place on [21:52] this education. [21:54] Are there parents who, when making [21:56] these choices, try to seek out the [21:57] children's opinions? [21:59] Most families actually don't have that [22:01] conversation. [22:02] Right. [22:02] Because parents don't know how to break [22:04] the news to their kids, telling them [22:05] they have to change environments and [22:06] that they might not see their old [22:08] friends for a long time. They think the [22:09] child won't be able to accept it, so [22:11] they just ignore the issue altogether. [22:12] You know when you're buying formula at [22:14] the store. [22:14] Yeah. [22:15] Who is it for? [22:16] Uh, the child drinks it. [22:17] The child drinks it, but the parents [22:19] buy it. [22:19] Oh, just like... [22:20] Does the child have the power to choose [22:22] ? [22:22] They can't even talk yet. So in most [22:24] cases, the parents are the consumers, [22:27] they are the clients, [22:29] but the child is the true user. [22:32] Actually, most of these families start [22:34] out with short-term plans when they [22:36] first move. We're all just living an [22:38] experiential life abroad. So, coming [22:41] back to why Thailand is suitable, [22:43] it’s because it’s not an immigrant [22:44] country to begin with; it doesn't offer [22:46] you citizenship, and there's no [22:48] state-guaranteed welfare for this kind [22:50] of lifestyle. Since they're here, I [22:52] actually have a big question: how is [22:54] the next generation's identity [22:56] constructed? [22:58] They can't be Thai, so how does the [23:00] local culture support their sense of [23:01] identity? I once took my child to a [23:05] family restaurant and met a family who [23:07] had just arrived from China. While they [23:11] were playing, the mother asked my [23:12] daughter in English, "Where are you [23:14] from?" My daughter paused for a moment, [23:17] thought about it, and said, "I'm from [23:19] Chiang Mai." I was stunned standing [23:23] there—it had turned into the most [23:24] primitive and simple form of identity. [23:27] But how do the local Chiang Mai people [23:28] view them? [23:29] How do they see them, right? That is... [23:31] For locals, of course, her Thai [23:33] classmates and teachers must think [23:34] she's Chinese, because her name is [23:36] different, and everything else is [23:38] different. [23:39] But that’s exactly the fun part— [23:41] Chiang Mai is a multicultural spot, and [23:43] it’s very interesting. When you walk [23:45] down the street here, there are perhaps [23:47] more foreigners than Thai people. You [23:49] will find that when multiculturalism is [23:51] the norm in a place, it actually [23:53] becomes what we call a form of [23:55] cosmopolitanism. Push factor is [23:59] something like you are in a horrible [24:00] living condition and there's a better [24:02] place you could go. Could war itself [24:07] push people out? [24:09] Yes. [24:10] Okay. [24:10] Of course. [24:11] How would they get there? [24:13] By walking or they take it by like I'm [24:15] going to probably move by Australia. [24:19] So if I have to move because of war, do [24:25] you think there are planes available to [24:26] me and how do I get on those? Who might [24:29] help me get to the other? [24:36] Uh well, uh most of the time there is [24:38] people who help people who are, and [24:40] more like I know someone who has a [24:42] business to help refugees, get them, [24:43] pay for their ticket, take them out, [24:45] and give them a home. What are kind of [24:55] typical? I think the hardest thing was [25:03] coming to a new environment and making [25:05] friends with a community that has [25:06] already grown up together very tight, [25:08] but I think that's where I feel like I [25:09] connect with them quite a bit. As a [25:14] child, a third culture kid, I moved [25:16] around all the time. Yeah. [25:18] So many different places like the [25:20] Middle East, Canada, back and forth. [25:26] And so I tried to tell them, you know, [25:28] I have this experience, it really makes [25:30] you so shy to put yourself into these, [25:32] but make the environment like even the [25:33] games such that you can communicate [25:35] with different people and find a way to [25:37] connect with them, and slowly that [25:39] happened. [25:43] And how about identity issues, would [25:45] have this kind of, you know, confusion, [25:47] who am I? [25:52] For me as a third culture kid, I [25:54] remember people, and to this day people [25:56] ask me where, and that makes me very [25:57] confused because for me right now, [25:59] which is my home and one of the places [26:01] that I moved to and so comfortable [26:03] immediately. So I would say that's my [26:08] home, but my home is also where my [26:10] heart is. My parents live in Dubai, my [26:15] sister lives in Ethiopia, another one [26:17] in Cape Town, and another one in [26:18] England, and then my grandfather lives [26:21] in Canada, all over the world. [26:24] Yeah. So for He thinks taking off his [26:32] shoes helps him perform better; he says [26:34] the grip is stronger. He thinks he runs [26:36] faster, but that child is just not a [26:38] professional. I feel like the whole [26:40] atmosphere is so vibrant. Are they [26:41] always beating those drums? [26:43] Yes, yes. In Thailand, whether it's a [26:48] sports meet or just some group activity [26:50] , they always have music, and then they [26:52] sing and dance. As soon as the music [26:57] starts, everyone is just...What are the [27:03] generally accepted standards of success [27:05] in society? [27:07] Thailand's geographical condition is [27:09] very fertile, which has made this [27:11] country relatively prosperous. I heard [27:15] a saying before that in Thailand's 700- [27:17] year history, no one has ever starved [27:19] to death. So even if I graduate and [27:22] can't find a job, I have a fallback. [27:25] This is the material condition that [27:27] supports the formation of their values. [27:30] Do you think happiness is the ultimate [27:32] goal of education? [27:33] Life is actually just playing a game. [27:35] If you enjoy it, you are engaged, and [27:37] you are happy, then that is indeed the [27:39] ultimate goal. But do you have the [27:41] ability to play this game? There is a [27:43] threshold to playing the game. [27:45] Maybe you aren't happy now, and it [27:46] won't be good in the future either. You [27:48] won't be happy. Therefore, the purpose [27:52] of education is to give children the [27:54] ultimate ability to be happy. [27:58] In their education system and [27:59] assessment system, there is explicit [28:01] grading. You get points for how many [28:03] activities you participate in. I think [28:06] it's definitely beneficial for their [28:08] own development, because they gain [28:09] hands-on skills and the ability to [28:11] adapt to social life. They are like [28:13] finished products the moment they enter [28:15] society, fully able to... [28:16] Finished products. [28:18] Yes, they can fully start working with [28:19] their colleagues or their teammates. [28:22] What about homework? Is there a lot of [28:24] it? [28:24] When it reaches a certain point, they [28:25] just, how should I put it, they might [28:27] say, you assigning it is your business, [28:28] whether I do it or not is my business. [28:30] If you give too much, I just won't do [28:32] it. [28:32] But for the teacher, how can that be? [28:34] The school requires that you, the [28:36] student, must pass. [28:38] They must pass, but how they pass is [28:40] the teacher's business. If they don't [28:41] pass, I don't blame the student; I ask [28:43] the teacher why they didn't pass. [28:45] Doesn't that mean the teacher is [28:46] lowering the standards? [28:47] Exactly, it’s a matter of philosophy, [28:49] not standards. I don’t think it’s [28:50] lowering standards. We define standards [28:52] by the knowledge points learned; if you [28:54] haven't learned them, our standards are [28:55] ... [28:56] Right, we think homework might be the [28:57] most basic requirement. Yes, but we [28:59] often overlook so much else, focusing [29:01] only on homework. What we call " [29:03] lowering standards" is just the [29:05] homework standard dropping, but they [29:07] actually miss a lot of other things. [29:09] Just losing the quality of education. [29:11] Exactly, losing quality. So, for [29:13] example, if they don't pass Thai class, [29:16] why not? If they didn't do the homework [29:17] , just have them read a poem to you. [29:19] Give them a grade and they pass. Or [29:22] have them watch a TV drama and share [29:23] their thoughts; wouldn't they pass then [29:25] ? [29:26] So, adapt the teaching methods. [29:28] Right, why should not doing homework [29:29] mean failing? My leadership won't [29:31] accept that; the school won't accept [29:33] that. [29:33] Fair enough. After Thai students [29:36] graduate, what advantages do they have [29:38] in the global talent market? [29:43] Based on my years of thinking about [29:45] this, my view is that they have great [29:47] ideas when it comes to creative work. [29:50] Thai advertisements are also very... [29:53] Yes, that’s a typical example. Their [29:58] advertisements are products of this [29:59] exact education system. From a young [30:05] age, they think for themselves, design [30:07] things, and pursue ideas regardless of [30:09] whether they are "correct"—this [30:11] unconstrained way of thinking is [30:12] nurtured early on. I see you won a [30:21] bronze medal, right? Third place. [30:23] Third place. [30:24] When you compete, it's a team of four, [30:26] right? [30:26] Yes. [30:28] So, among those four people, three can [30:30] win medals. Oh. Do you usually train [30:34] for this? [30:35] We don't train. We train. So you won an [30:38] award today, is that right? What [30:41] project did you win an award in? [30:45] Does your class have academic rankings? [30:48] Yes. [30:49] Oh, there is a ranking. Um, what place [30:51] are you in? [30:54] Oh, you're second in the whole class. [31:00] Because you are talented, they want you [31:02] to teach students. Do you like Chinese? [31:08] You like Chinese class best? What do [31:10] you learn in your labor skills class? [31:12] Planting trees. [31:16] Oh, is this tree planting graded? Do [31:18] you get marks for it? [31:19] Yes. [31:22] What kind of work do you think you want [31:24] to do in the future? [31:28] The overall education philosophy in [31:30] Thailand seems very flexible, but in [31:32] reality, the local middle class has [31:34] quite high expectations for their [31:35] children's education. Actually, the [31:39] Thai friends I've met, honestly, I find [31:41] them quite, well, their way of " [31:42] grinding" is just fundamentally [31:44] different. They are very polite, but if [31:47] you look deeper, you'll find they are [31:49] very serious about their work. Before a [31:52] deadline, they might complete a massive [31:54] amount of tasks. It’s not like what [31:57] we imagine, where they seem to be [31:58] playing or relaxing every day. [32:01] So I feel that perhaps the "laid-back" [32:03] image we have is just a surface [32:05] phenomenon. Everyone is very smiley, [32:08] and when they do things, I think Thai [32:10] people strive for a sense of elegance [32:12] —you shouldn't be rushing around in a [32:14] panic. They’re a bit like ducks; on [32:17] the surface, they seem to be gliding [32:19] slowly, but underwater, their feet are [32:21] moving non-stop. [32:22] Behind closed doors, they are still [32:24] very much, actually, they still have [32:25] that competitive spirit. [32:27] Very, very, very much so. I think at [32:30] times, compared to us, they are even [32:32] more intense. Global cooperation has [32:34] promoted the development of Thailand's [32:36] modern agriculture, medical, cultural [32:38] industries, and tourism. From these [32:40] fields, a new Thai middle class has [32:42] emerged. These families place great [32:45] importance on their children's [32:47] education, enrolling them in various [32:49] academic tutoring and interest-based [32:51] classes, like piano, ballet, golf, and [32:53] so on. Chinese families here have [32:57] quickly grasped this path and gotten [32:59] involved. Most of the parents [33:01] accompanying their children see [33:02] Thailand as a transit point. Their [33:05] long-term goal is to apply to [33:06] universities in English-speaking [33:08] countries. They’ve discovered that [33:11] besides academics, cultivating a [33:12] child's athletic talent could also be a [33:14] way forward. I met a family from [33:18] Beijing at a golf course in Chiang Mai. [33:22] What school were you at in Beijing back [33:23] then? [33:24] No. 2 Primary School or something? [33:26] Longguan No. 2 Primary School. [33:27] Oh, Longguan No. 2 Primary. [33:29] Your grades were pretty good back then, [33:31] right? Yeah. So, what kind of sport is [33:33] golf in Thailand, generally speaking? [33:36] I think anyone with an average income [33:38] can play. [33:38] The average income here is about 20,000 [33:41] baht, basically around that. [33:42] 20,000 baht a month is equivalent to [33:44] about 4,000 RMB. [33:45] It turned out that as soon as he played [33:47] , we realized he had a talent for it. I [33:49] ... [33:49] No talent. [33:50] Hm. [33:51] No talent. But I still kept practicing [33:53] every day. I remember we've been at it [33:57] since 2019, keeping up the daily [33:58] practice—we couldn't take a single [34:01] day off. [34:02] How long did you practice every day? [34:04] About two hours, I guess. [34:07] During the hitting process, I won't say [34:09] anything, just let him hit on his own. [34:11] In his circle of friends, this father [34:13] is no longer called by his name, but by [34:15] the nickname "Golf Dad." Because all [34:18] his energy is focused on his daughter, [34:19] the strategy for the golf course is [34:21] something you have to study yourself. [34:24] You have to analyze the course, decide [34:25] which clubs to use, how to handle the [34:27] wind, whether it’s raining or [34:29] scorching hot, and what to wear—you [34:31] have to pay attention to everything. [34:33] Golf is a sport that is all about the [34:34] details. [34:35] Let me give you an example. [34:36] Take selecting a club, for instance. [34:38] Generally speaking, coaches would say [34:40] that for a girl, you should start with [34:42] a lighter club so you can hit it [34:43] further. Because in golf, distance is a [34:46] huge advantage, but I later looked into [34:48] it and realized what the kids who play [34:50] well are like, and what the ones who [34:52] don't are like. I realized that you [34:56] should actually start with a slightly [34:57] heavier club. It should be a bit [34:59] heavier and longer than what she [35:01] actually uses, but not beyond what she [35:03] can handle; it’s about making [35:04] adjustments within a very small range. [35:06] That way, she can find the most [35:08] reasonable balance between distance and [35:10] accuracy, which is the best approach. [35:12] The coach doesn't get involved in club [35:14] selection; I’m the one who selects [35:16] them. [35:16] Does she accept your choices? [35:17] She didn't when she was younger. [35:19] She would argue about it often. Well, [35:21] he manages things in such detail. He [35:25] often looks at what professional [35:26] players should pay attention to before [35:28] a tournament. For example, in the week [35:31] leading up to a match, you need to [35:33] watch your diet to avoid getting an [35:34] upset stomach. He would forbid her from [35:37] drinking soy milk or raw milk. [35:40] There’s a checklist to go through [35:41] before a tournament. These are [35:43] principles that you basically have to [35:45] follow during the match and throughout [35:47] the process; they are all experiences [35:48] accumulated from past competitions. [35:50] It’s something very strict. [35:52] If you don't follow it, something is [35:53] bound to go wrong. [35:55] He loves preaching; he has studied so [35:57] much, I feel. I think his research is a [36:01] bit strange sometimes. [36:03] What do you mean by strange? [36:05] Sometimes it’s not quite right. He [36:07] learns all these theories, but he [36:09] hasn't learned the correct movements. [36:12] Do you think your dad works hard? [36:14] Yeah, I guess he works pretty hard. [36:18] So he’s completely stopped his [36:20] previous work, and essentially treats [36:21] you as his full-time job? [36:25] I don't think he earned much from his [36:26] previous job anyway. So, who supports [36:30] your family now? [36:31] Um, my mom. [36:32] Your mom? Yeah. Then, in this process [36:35] of playing golf, what do you think is [36:37] the fun part for you? [36:40] Yeah, right here on the grass. The [36:42] grass is so green and looks really [36:44] beautiful. [36:46] Do you plan to make this your lifelong [36:48] career in the future? [36:50] Actually, I don't want to go pro. But I [36:53] think playing is quite nice. This [36:56] mother is from Shanghai; in the eyes of [36:58] other parents accompanying their [37:00] children abroad, she has already [37:01] cleared this path, as her daughter was [37:03] accepted into a Midwestern university [37:05] in the U.S. [37:06] She graduated and will head to [37:07] university this August. [37:08] Where is she going? [37:09] The U.S. varsity team. That's great. [37:11] Wow. [37:12] Exactly. [37:13] So, it’s all following in the [37:14] footsteps of those who came before, [37:15] right? For them, this is the path they [37:17] have to take as well. [37:18] Yes, yes, we were also looking at the [37:19] upperclassmen, and she was quite lucky [37:21] to get a scholarship. [37:22] A full one? Not exactly full, about [37:25] 45,000 a year. [37:26] Hmm, 45,000 USD, that's very good, very [37:29] good. [37:30] So now that you've finished this path, [37:32] how are you feeling? Are you relieved? [37:34] Not at all. I think I'm now worried [37:36] about her situation at university. [37:38] You're worried again? [37:39] As a mother, this worry never ends. But [37:41] you mean you can't accompany her to the [37:43] U.S. anymore, and she doesn't need you [37:44] to anyway, right? [37:45] So what choices will you make for [37:47] yourself? Do you feel a sense of loss? [37:50] I'll do some things I wanted to do [37:52] before but didn't have time for, to [37:53] enrich myself. I think this place is [37:56] quite suitable for retirement. [37:58] Meaning we might not be working in [38:00] Beijing these years, so our income will [38:02] certainly drop, but if she gets a [38:04] sports scholarship in a few years, then [38:05] our investment this year will have been [38:07] okay—it will have been worth it. Have [38:09] you decided to retire in Chiang Mai, or [38:11] is it not decided yet? [38:13] Actually, if we go back, it will mainly [38:15] be to keep our parents company, since [38:16] they are getting on in years. [38:18] These past few years with the pandemic, [38:20] we just haven't been able to, and it's [38:22] been getting longer and longer. [38:24] These vegetables are all locally grown, [38:26] right? [38:27] All local. [38:30] Because Chiang Mai is flat in this area [38:32] , surrounded by mountains, with many [38:34] farmers growing vegetables, and we are [38:36] ...In this market, I really feel that [38:53] the variety of crops is incredibly rich [38:55] . [38:56] For instance, this stall just sells [38:58] onions and garlic. These onions come in [39:01] many different forms—different sizes [39:03] and colors. There are five or six types [39:07] of garlic of different colors and sizes [39:09] , like this one, look, it's tiny, [39:11] rice-grain sized garlic. Thai people [39:14] have such good temperaments. We're here [39:16] filming and handling their goods, yet [39:18] no one gets impatient with us; everyone [39:20] is just smiling. Look at how relaxed [39:23] and leisurely this is. It feels like [39:25] they don't have much of a "service [39:26] mindset," but they really enjoy it [39:28] themselves. [39:28] For working-class Thais, they don't see [39:30] school as a necessity. They don't have [39:32] that drive to climb the social ladder. [39:35] Right, they aren't that competitive; [39:37] they just find this life okay and good. [39:40] Yes, this one is cheap, 60 a bag. [39:43] A huge bag for ten bucks. [39:45] Yes, this bag is usually 10 kilograms. [39:48] A little over ten bucks. [39:49] A little over ten bucks, this is [39:50] cabbage, and look at the cabbage, they [39:52] ... [39:52] So much. [39:53] They will take those... [39:54] Oh, rotten ones. [39:55] All the leaves. [39:56] Oh, they took off all the bad parts. [39:58] They pull off anything that isn't fresh [40:00] . Look at that, they stripped it down [40:02] to the core. Look at that, look at the [40:04] cart, it's covered in pulled-off leaves [40:05] , how much did they strip off? [40:07] Mm. [40:07] They stripped it all off. [40:09] That's conscientious. [40:10] Yeah. [40:14] What is this? [40:15] He pushes it, he's been following us [40:17] for an hour. [40:17] Oh. [40:18] He follows us, and as we buy things, he [40:20] puts them away for us. [40:21] Hmm, how much is this? [40:22] 20, right? [40:23] Equivalent to about four yuan. [40:24] Four yuan, right. [40:26] He can follow you the whole way. Yes, [40:27] he follows you the whole way. He helps [40:29] me put this in the car. [40:31] Leaving the market, I met the Thai [40:33] person who helps with the grocery [40:35] baskets again. [40:36] He brought some porridge. [40:38] He's actually throwing rice porridge [40:40] onto the roof to feed the pigeons. [40:44] In this place, everyone has something [40:46] to eat. [40:50] Yes, he earned it himself. In the past, [41:07] most Chinese families who came to [41:09] Chiang Mai were parents following their [41:10] children to choose a school for them. [41:13] In recent years, a new group of people [41:16] has emerged, known as digital nomads. [41:20] Their work is all done online, so when [41:22] they close their laptops, they can [41:23] choose to live anywhere they want. So, [41:27] some people brought their children here [41:29] to change their own way of life. After [41:32] arriving, they try hard to integrate [41:33] into the local culture and build a [41:35] temporarily stable home for themselves. [41:38] Limi's workplace is in a shared office [41:40] space. Digital nomads from all over the [41:43] world gather here. As long as there's a [41:45] computer and internet, Limi can move [41:47] around flexibly. Chiang Mai is just her [41:50] temporary home. That's your fried egg. [41:53] So this seems to be your choice. [41:55] It's her daughter accompanying her here [41:57] to change their lifestyle. [41:58] Yes, yes, exactly. [42:00] Mm. So, for example, after you arrived [42:02] in Chiang Mai, in this kind of [42:03] environment, what do you feel this [42:05] environment gives you? Do you like it? [42:08] It’s still the same; every time we [42:09] get off the plane, walking down the [42:11] boarding stairs and into the corridor [42:13] of Chiang Mai Airport. She always says, [42:16] "It feels like coming home." Yes, [42:19] it’s a sense of belonging. Going back [42:23] to my old city now just feels like [42:25] being somewhere else—somewhere I’m [42:27] familiar with, but it’s someone [42:28] else’s place. Coming back here, [42:33] however, really feels like home. So, [42:36] does your mother changing her lifestyle [42:38] so often have an impact on you? [42:40] Looking at it now, I don’t think [42:42] I’ll be like my mom and enjoy moving [42:44] to many different places. Because I’m [42:46] not the type who likes to change [42:48] locations; I prefer staying in one [42:49] place, within an environment I’m [42:51] familiar with. Although I won’t be [42:53] like her in the future, I can adapt to [42:55] this now. I can adapt wherever I go, [42:58] which I think is actually pretty good. [43:00] Why are you not so willing to move? [43:03] Mainly because I have to leave things [43:04] like my friends or the places I go to [43:06] often. Leaving my current environment [43:09] is something I’m quite reluctant to [43:10] do. [43:11] Right, he’s more of a group person; [43:13] he really needs a group. We have a [43:16] typical example between us: for [43:18] instance, when he has a birthday, he [43:20] wants to invite almost the entire class [43:22] . He’s the type who is very sociable [43:26] in a group, gets along well with [43:27] everyone, and really enjoys it. He [43:31] cares a lot about that group atmosphere [43:33] ; he’s someone who draws energy from [43:35] being around people. [43:36] Then, when it’s my birthday, I’m [43:37] like, "Don't pay any attention to me, [43:39] I'll just spend it by myself." Yes, [43:40] just let me have some peace and quiet [43:41] for the day, and that’s enough. And [43:43] he doesn’t understand, he’ll say, " [43:44] Mom, why don’t you want to invite [43:46] anyone to spend your birthday with you? [43:47] " I just feel that I am very [43:48] comfortable on my own; I truly enjoy it [43:50] . So, if your mother wants to move to [43:52] another city next time, will you follow [43:54] her? [43:55] Probably not, right? [43:58] If, if next time I’m in college, for [44:00] example, then I’ll be able to take [44:01] care of myself, so I probably wouldn't. [44:05] What he means is, as long as you don't [44:07] make me change schools, anything is [44:09] fine. In the middle. [44:10] What should I draw? Let me think. This [44:13] is good, these spiral patterns look [44:15] like they’re turning. [44:16] Like they’re spinning. [44:17] Yes, yes, exactly, that turning effect. [44:20] Right, I’ll use a lighter blue. [44:22] I’ll draw a flock of birds. [44:25] Following the mother and daughter, I [44:27] also immersed myself in Chiang Mai's [44:29] Umbrella Festival. Bo Sang Village in [44:32] Chiang Mai is famous for production. [44:34] The annual Umbrella Festival is a grand [44:36] local event. In the crowd at the [44:40] festival, everyone is in high spirits. [44:44] But to truly survive in a foreign [44:46] country, there are many practical [44:47] issues to face. Brother Kang and his [44:51] son Xiaoyu are facing a Muay Thai match [44:53] today. [44:54] This is for you. [44:55] No, I'm just calling A-Dong. Call [44:57] A-Dong. I've already paid him for the [44:59] water, paid in full. We ordered 1,000 [45:01] bottles. 1,200, 1,200. 1,200. [45:08] Who are you fighting today? Are you [45:10] nervous? [45:10] It's okay today. Fighting a Thai person [45:12] . [45:12] Fighting a Thai person? [45:13] Yes, a Thai person. Which fighters are [45:15] stronger? [45:16] Uh, foreigners are usually heavier; [45:17] they have a larger build. So their [45:19] stamina is better, and they are easier [45:21] to… [45:21] Easier to [garbled]. [45:22] Right. [45:23] Are you nervous? [45:24] A little, because I don't know, because [45:25] I don't know the opponent's style, I [45:27] haven't seen the opponent yet. [45:28] I heard you fought before. [45:30] Uh, a little bit here. Ladies and [45:33] gentlemen...Unlike boxing, Muay Thai [45:49] matches allow the use of punches, kicks [45:51] , and knees to attack the opponent at [45:53] very close range. [45:57] If you see his reaction is slow, go for [45:59] a high kick and finish him. Sweep in [46:03] directly, high kick. Point. Breathe. [46:10] Sweep. Steady. Hold. Steady. Hold. Hey. [46:27] This fight was very...His training this [46:31] time was very hard. Look, his feet are [46:33] covered in blisters. [46:36] Hmm, slipped a bit. [46:42] For children's education, I think [46:44] Thailand is a very good transition. It [46:46] is a very good stepping stone. Staying [46:49] here long-term might not be suitable [46:50] for most people. I think I'm still a [46:53] minority in this group. Hmm. [46:57] I can build connections with local [46:58] people, and then use their knowledge to [47:00] start a few companies and do some [47:02] things. [47:03] So now, for you, is education still [47:05] about choosing a school? [47:07] No. I think true education actually [47:09] happens at home. I used to try hard to [47:13] find good schools and good teachers, [47:14] but I discovered that the person I was [47:16] looking for was myself. I must become [47:20] that person so that my child can [47:22] possibly become the person I want them [47:23] to be. When we stepped back from China, [47:27] hoping not to go to more competitive [47:29] markets, but choosing places like [47:30] Southeast Asia to migrate to, lifestyle [47:33] migration and economic migration are [47:34] two different directions. Lifestyle [47:36] migration will inevitably face one [47:38] problem: what will I do without an [47:40] economy? Then your economic labor and [47:42] productive labor are the two things you [47:44] must face. It occupies, how should I [47:46] say, the entirety of a parent's life. [47:48] But what about the person themselves? [47:50] Can I still realize my own self amidst [47:52] this sacrifice? Is this, is this the [47:54] meaning of my life, right? If you have [47:56] even a hint of this thought, you'll [47:58] find it very conflicting. Actually, [48:00] this has nothing to do with where you [48:02] live; it’s just something parents [48:04] must face in this space and time. So, I [48:06] must make some trade-offs. Perhaps when [48:08] they first arrive, many think that once [48:09] they reach Thailand and solve the [48:11] education issue, all problems will seem [48:13] to disappear. But in reality, that's [48:15] not the case at all. Often, Chinese [48:16] people honestly don't have a tradition [48:18] of prioritizing personal time. We [48:20] aren't encouraged to; we always feel [48:22] that if we sacrifice, it’s for the [48:23] best. So, in the end, when it comes [48:25] back to this point, it turns out that [48:27] parents actually need healing, because [48:28] for the sake of education, it often [48:30] implies you have to sacrifice—you [48:31] have to sacrifice for your child. The [48:33] part of you that is for yourself can [48:35] actually be considered, and should be [48:36] allowed to be considered. [48:37] So, even in a "Peach Blossom Spring," [48:39] the problems are quite significant. [48:41] Peach Blossom Spring, Peach Blossom [48:42] Spring is suitable for living, but... [48:44] Using our terminology, the life courses [48:46] are different. The most challenging [48:49] aspect falls precisely on the children, [48:51] because they cannot articulate it, yet [48:52] they are already living it. This [48:55] cross-cultural impact has already [48:57] become a part of their life experience. [48:59] Mm. [49:00] And this part is something that we, as [49:02] a generation of expatriate families, [49:04] cannot truly resonate with our children [49:05] . [49:06] They, they have no way to prepare. Yes, [49:08] what I am observing now is that these [49:10] children have very challenging lives, [49:12] because there is a part of their world [49:14] they must navigate independently, right [49:16] from childhood. Since parents cannot [49:18] empathize with them, I cannot simply [49:20] use my experience to guide you. [49:22] Therefore, they have a very strong [49:24] sense of individuality, because they [49:25] have this part of themselves that [49:27] simply cannot be shared. But at what [49:30] point does this independence turn into [49:32] loneliness or become something [49:33] traumatic? This is something that must [49:37] be observed. Xiao lives in Chiang Mai [49:40] with her children. Her parents live in [49:44] another residential complex not far [49:46] away. When Xiao was 12, her parents [49:50] sent her to Singapore to study alone. [49:54] She experienced drastic environmental [49:56] changes during her childhood. [49:59] So, why were you not happy living there [50:01] ? [50:01] It felt uncomfortable. [50:03] Mm. [50:04] It was just the daily habits. And on [50:08] top of that, there is the influence on [50:10] the children, which is quite direct. If [50:16] the distance is too close, the children [50:18] experience a sense of conflict. [50:22] Could you give an example? [50:24] For example, when it comes to cleaning, [50:27] I feel my mom is an incredibly tidy and [50:29] organized person. I remember vividly [50:33] when I was little, I joked with her, " [50:34] Mom, I feel like a thief in this house, [50:36] " because I had to walk so carefully. [50:40] If I accidentally bumped into her [50:42] belongings, I'd get a scolding. [50:46] Yeah, and I personally feel that home [50:48] should be a place where you're [50:50] completely relaxed; I think comfort is [50:51] the most important thing. [50:57] Xiao's living habits are completely [50:58] different from his parents '. They had [51:07] never lived with us for a long time, [51:09] but this recent visit to Qingdao was [51:11] the longest stay yet. [51:13] Two years. [51:15] Living together for two years, and [51:17] during those two years, my daughter and [51:19] my wife were both a bit overwhelmed. [51:23] Besides your daughter living with you [51:24] this time, there is also the next [51:26] generation, the third generation. [51:28] Yes, there's the next generation, and [51:30] on that point, there are some issues, [51:31] like when it comes to raising the [51:33] children. [51:35] Since she's mainly here to help raise [51:37] the kids, she can get a bit impatient [51:39] at times, while we feel we should be [51:40] more tolerant toward the children. [51:44] So, are there any conflicts regarding [51:46] parenting styles? [51:47] Definitely, yes, I think so. [51:49] You think so? Like what? Give me an [51:51] example. She always says to her [51:54] daughter and her son, "You need to do [51:56] this and that," or "How many times have [51:58] I told you? Why can't you remember?" [52:03] Right. So, if they don't remember, [52:05] she's going to blow up. I tell her that [52:08] it's normal for children not to [52:10] remember. You need to understand that [52:12] even if you tell them a hundred times, [52:14] they still won't remember. As a mother, [52:19] all you can do is keep saying it until [52:21] they grow up, not until they finally [52:23] remember. [52:27] I also need to let my dad know my [52:29] stance, so he doesn't think he can just [52:31] protect him. I didn't back down; I [52:33] won't back down. I'll stick to what I [52:36] insist on. [52:37] How should I put this? In the context [52:40] of Chinese ethics, using a cane on your [52:42] own father is a pretty big deal. Oh, [52:45] really? But I didn't hit my dad on [52:47] purpose. He could have chosen not to be [52:50] hit. If he hadn't picked up my son and [52:52] run, and just left him there, I [52:54] wouldn't have hit him. [52:56] So, it wasn't my intention to hit him. [52:59] When we chatted with your parents, we [53:00] thought they were wonderful, and [53:02] wondered how you couldn't live together [53:04] . They seem so considerate and [53:06] understanding. [53:07] Mm. [53:08] But perhaps in the context of your [53:10] relationship, the experience isn't [53:12] entirely like that. Originally, when I [53:16] taught my children, they should know [53:18] that Mom has the authority to [53:19] discipline you, that's how it's always [53:21] been. I felt that later on, the kids [53:25] might completely stop listening to [53:26] whatever Mom says, right? I remember [53:32] telling my children that when you see [53:34] Mom getting angry, well, I might look [53:36] very scary, but I’m actually the one [53:38] who really needs help, because people [53:40] only get angry when they feel helpless. [53:46] When you left your parents for [53:48] Singapore at 12, was that a difficult [53:49] time? [53:50] It was very difficult at first. It was [53:52] very hard. No one wants to be away from [53:55] their parents at such a young age. What [53:58] did that feel like? [54:04] It was a sense of bewilderment and [54:06] helplessness, not knowing how to handle [54:08] life or school around me; I knew that [54:10] people were being kind to me. [54:17] Mm. [54:20] But no amount of kindness could fill [54:22] the void inside me; I especially [54:23] remember back then, when I was staying [54:25] at someone else's place, I would send a [54:27] letter to my parents every week. My mom [54:32] kept all those letters well. And now, [54:36] one year on my birthday, they all came [54:38] to ask me, "Hey, what do you want for [54:40] your birthday?" I said, let's do this: [54:46] each of you write me a letter, my [54:48] parents and my husband, everyone writes [54:50] me a letter. [54:54] That’s a very interesting request; [54:56] yeah, I thought it was great, and it [54:58] really brought us closer together. [55:00] Since then, I feel that our [55:02] relationships have become easier to [55:04] manage. [55:05] So what did Mom write to her daughter? [55:10] The letter I wrote to her was about [55:12] raising children; when she was little, [55:14] I would also go crazy, have breakdowns, [55:16] and yell at her. So I told her, I said [55:20] that my mother used to treat me the [55:22] same way when I was young. Now you are [55:26] doing the same to your child; it's like [55:28] a curse. [55:30] So, I hope we can break this curse and [55:32] gradually change things. [55:34] I remember talking about this in the [55:36] first letter I wrote to her. [55:39] That day, she disciplined her daughter [55:41] and said something very harsh. She said [55:45] to her daughter, after talking for a [55:47] long time, the girl said, "Mom, I don't [55:50] think you love me at all." Then, in my [55:54] reply, I told her, I said, "No matter [55:56] what you say to your child, they won't [55:58] remember any of it." If you tell him to [56:03] fold the quilt or put things back in [56:05] their place, he won't remember any of [56:07] it, but if you say "I don't love you at [56:09] all," he will remember that. You really [56:14] have to be careful when saying things [56:15] like that. Ever since I wrote that [56:17] letter, he hasn't said anything like [56:19] that again. I remember the first time I [56:21] finished writing to him, he hugged me [56:23] and cried after reading it. [56:25] Mm. [56:26] Yes. [56:27] Mm. I haven't had that kind of [56:31] experience yet. [56:34] That's the interesting part about [56:36] parents. After you mentioned it, you [56:39] all said, "Oh, writing a letter, I [56:40] don't know what to write or how to say [56:42] it." On my birthday, I hadn't even [56:45] gotten up yet. As soon as I opened my [56:48] eyes, my dad was already standing by my [56:50] bedside to hand me something. I [56:52] realized, oh, Dad actually might not be [56:54] resistant to these things, and might [56:56] even be willing to do them. [56:59] What about your dad's birthday? I ask [57:01] them, "Do you remember their birthdays? [57:03] " [57:03] I remember. [57:04] You remember, and then, what gifts did [57:05] you give them? [57:07] I just sent my son over. [57:10] You are your mother's gift? [57:12] All illnesses gone, wow. [57:15] Mm. Right? You're the one who can make [57:17] Grandpa the happiest, right? Isn't that [57:20] right, son? Wow, the raw emotion my dad [57:23] showed, I don't think I've ever seen [57:25] that in my life. Later I discovered [57:28] that Mom is actually also a very easily [57:30] moved person. I felt that it didn't [57:34] matter; whenever I encountered [57:35] something moving, I would share it with [57:37] Mom. [57:39] You also recently gave her a book and [57:40] wrote her a card. [57:41] Yes, that's right. When I gave that [57:50] Christmas gift, I wrote in the card to [57:52] Mom, "I hope you'll share with me after [57:53] you finish reading this book." Just... [58:17] Do you feel that it was a bit too early [58:19] to give it at that time? We both [58:21] discussed it back then, actually. What [58:24] I remember most deeply is that we both [58:26] said this was like a gamble. [58:29] Then he said, "We can't afford to lose [58:31] this gamble." I remember that sentence [58:33] most clearly, so we decided that no [58:35] matter what, we would bear the [58:36] consequences together. [58:41] If your child had the opportunity to [58:43] study abroad at 12, would you choose to [58:44] let them go? [58:48] I think he would accompany them. [58:50] He would let go. [58:51] I think the answers are completely [58:52] different. [58:52] I think he would accompany them. [58:54] I think he would let go. [58:55] He really, he thinks companionship is [58:57] very important. Then why do you think [58:59] he would let go? [59:01] Well, based on how he raises his [59:02] children now, he requires them to be [59:04] independent, and so on. And it feels [59:07] like his daughter has been especially [59:08] independent since she was little. [59:10] Yeah. Absolutely not. Right. Definitely [59:14] not. I’ll be right by their side. [59:17] Right by their side. I think the best [59:22] thing I’ve learned since coming to [59:24] Qinma is not to look too far ahead, [59:26] because looking too far ahead is [59:28] completely beyond my own understanding [59:29] and ability.