中国中产赴清迈陪读遭遇就业禁令与教育退路断绝

中国中产赴清迈陪读遭遇就业禁令与教育退路断绝 赴泰陪读家庭因签证就业限制与资产合资壁垒承受生计风险，而国内统考体系的不可逆切割让换轨教育从避风港沦为无退路的高成本博弈。 节目深入记录了中国中产家庭为逃离国内升学内卷、迁往泰国清迈寻求慢生活与国际教育的真实图景。全片揭示了光鲜表象下的残酷摩擦：母亲被迫放弃事业沦为“影子母亲”，父亲国内留守承担断裂的经济重担，以及泰国法律对外国人经商和工作的严格限制。同时，随着清迈国际学校内部重构起“水下天鹅”式的高尔夫与学术竞争，父母与孩子不得不面对文化撕裂、身份认同危机与隔代育儿冲突，所谓的“旷野”终究转变成了另一条充满隐秘代价的轨道。 中国中产家庭涌入清迈国际学校以逃避国内应试内卷，2023年当地部分国际班中国学生比例已达50%，但陪读家长面临无合法工作权、商业持股受限及两地分居等严峻现实。 (0:02) 泰国商业法律规定外资持股上限为49%，且陪读签严禁在当地工作，迫使不少国内精英家长陷入阶层滑落或失去企业控制权的经济困境。 (8:30) 清迈慢生活的表象下暗藏升学内卷与制度壁垒：公立医疗与国内健康险无法直接结算，租房押金难退，家长需借助高尔夫或德制小众赛道作为跃升欧美高校的跳板。 (15:18) 长期跨国迁徙催生了缺乏文化归属感的“第三文化儿童”，家庭内部在代际育儿边界、自我牺牲与生活方式移民之间产生剧烈分歧与心理创伤。 (20:46)

越来越多中国中产家庭试图通过迁居泰国清迈逃离国内严苛的升学竞争，然而所谓的海外“慢生活”避风港背后，往往伴随着沉重的制度壁垒、职业身份瓦解、家庭跨国割裂以及难以回避的新型内卷。 逃离内卷与教育跳板的现实落差 (0:02) 中国中产家庭移居清迈的核心诉求是避开国内高压应试体制，寻求学费更低且注重身心平衡的国际教育。清迈分布着38所国际学校，部分课堂在2023年中国学生占比已达50%，学校推崇如“适度”（Matauta）等佛学自律理念与实践教育。然而，移居并非真正步入“旷野”，而是转入了另一条高度竞争的新轨道。由于缺乏国内初高中成绩，学生几乎无法回国重考，面临不可逆的单行道；许多家庭原本设想将清迈作为直通英美名校的低门槛跳板，却在签证和学籍壁垒面前受阻，最终只能将清迈大学作为保底，或通过德制学校迂回申请免学费欧洲高校。 签证禁令与商业法规下的经济断层 (8:30) 移居清迈往往伴随着不可预估的经济脱节与法律壁垒。泰国家长陪读签证严格禁止在当地工作，国内高学历的白领精英无法对接当地就业市场，面临严重的职业断层，部分家长甚至不得不“降维”转入美容或网约车等蓝领工作。即便尝试创业，泰国外资企业法硬性规定泰籍股东持股至少51%、外籍股权上限为49%，出资创业者由此丧失了公司管理权与财务控制权。加之租房押金常因设施自然损耗被房东全额扣留的潜规则，以及当地公立医疗不对外籍开放、国内商业医保难以在泰直接结算等现实，中产积累的财富面临持续消耗。 跨国分居与“影子母亲”的家庭代价 (10:58) 许多家庭被迫采取留守国内工作与海外陪读的“跨国合伙”分工模式，由此催生了大量放弃自身事业、全职在异国育儿的“影子母亲”。留守国内的父亲长期缺席孩子的日常生活，仅能通过手机备忘录隔空记录身高体重，甚至在疫情等停工期经历长达八个月零收入却必须跨境足额汇款的经济焦虑；母亲则在异国独自承担丧偶式育儿与精神孤立。这种剧烈转型还带来了原生家庭的裂痕：部分家长因放弃国内体面职位而遭到父辈以“破坏既定人生设计”为由扬言断绝关系，而在三代同堂共同照护时，隔代护短与管教边界的分歧也极易激化成剧烈的家庭冲突。 水下划水式内卷与第三文化儿童困境 (28:34) 清迈看似随性的教育氛围之下，实则潜藏着中产群体如“水上天鹅”般表面从容、水下疯狂划水的隐秘内卷。随着泰国本土中产崛起及中国陪读家庭涌入，钢琴、芭蕾、学术补习及高尔夫等特长培训盛行。中国家长通过精细化的高尔夫日课管理争夺差异化升学通道，虽有斩获每年约4.5万美元奖学金赴美入选大学校队的成功范式，但也面临着高额沉没成本与孩子成年后的空巢失落。同时，随数字游民或陪读家庭迁徙的“第三文化儿童”，由于泰国缺乏永居与社会福利保障而始终属于过客；即便孩子在心理上自认是“清迈人”，但在异域归属感构建、代际诉求分歧及频繁搬迁的动荡中，仍需承受隐蔽的文化冲击。 记录表明，清迈的“慢生活”并非无痛的教育避难所，而是一场由家庭独自承担制度、财务与情感代价的跨国迁徙。当生活方式移民脱离了稳定的经济生产力，家长在牺牲自我实现与割裂家庭结构后，仍须直面异国身份悬空与升学焦虑前置的现实难题。

纪实节目剖析指出，中国中产家庭移居泰国清迈的“慢生活”与国际教育并非理想的避风港，而是一场伴随职业断层、法律限制、隐性成本以及家庭身份撕裂的不可逆赌局。 教育逃离的田园幻象与前置焦虑 (0:02) 为逃避国内严苛的升学竞争与一眼望到头的人生轨迹，中国中产家庭不断涌入清迈。清迈拥有38所国际学校，学费相对低廉且语言环境纯正，到2023年部分学校班级的中国学生占比已达50%。例如清迈Panyaden学校推行基于佛教智慧的“Matauta”（适度、节制）理念，强调自主收拾、不浪费与自主探索，与国内应试机制形成强烈反差。家长们普遍将跨国搬迁视作人生重启，甚至抱持“以夫妻20年职业生涯置换孩子未来40年”的牺牲心态。 然而，所谓的“离开轨道投向旷野”迅速显露出另一层残酷现实：清迈仅是一条隐蔽竞争新轨道的起点，而非终点。跨国留学咨询机构甚至接到了大量尚未婚配的年轻单身女性的提前咨询，教育焦虑已前置到婚恋之前。在这场耗资巨大的投资中，父母作为买单的“消费者”全权做主，而孩子作为无从发声的“最终用户”，不得不被迫承受连根拔起的环境巨变。 职业断层与两地分居的家庭暗涌 (10:58) 移居清迈对陪读家长的职业生涯造成了毁灭性打击。原贵阳某银行网点负责人胡芸在机场填写入境表格时，不得不将引以为傲的体面职衔改写为“家庭主妇”，这种巨大的落差甚至引发了她与父亲的决裂——其父将她视作精心雕琢的作品，指责她亲手毁掉前程并一度威胁断绝父女关系。因为陪读签证严禁在泰工作，不少国内高学历精英面临专业资质脱钩，被迫在异国转向美容、搬运或网约车等蓝领劳作。 跨国陪读还催生了大量分工畸形的“影子家庭”。留守国内的父亲承担全部经济重担，在清迈全职陪护的母亲则承受丧偶式育儿与异国孤独。以北京家长柏博为例，他在疫情期间长达八个月没有任何收入进账，仍需按期汇寄昂贵学杂费，仅能依靠手机备忘录隔空记录女儿的身高体重。家庭关系在极端距离与经济高压下陷入两极分化，许多原本坚固的婚姻在异国陪读中摇摇欲坠。 商业法律壁垒与欧美跳板幻灭 (8:30) 中产家庭在清迈的扎根尝试频繁遭遇泰国法律与制度性排斥。在商业投资上，泰国严格规定外资持股比例不得超过49%，公司逾51%的股权必须归泰国国民所有。从国内地产行业抽身、在清迈开设泰拳馆的恒哥指出，即便外方全额出资，也无法获得企业账户和经营的最终控制权，缺乏工作签证更让日常经营如履薄冰。 在生活与升学层面，现实同样击碎了岁月静好的神话。租房市场普遍存在以自然损耗为由全额扣留两至三个月押金的潜规则；泰国公立医疗不对外籍开放，国内商业健康险无法当地结算，使得大病医疗暗藏真空。此外，将清迈作为直通英美名校跳板的构想频遭拒签与政策壁垒阻碍；由于缺乏国内统考成绩无法回国参加高考，部分家庭只能转向德制学校以期未来申请免学费的德国公立大学，甚至将清迈大学视作破釜沉舟的保底退路。 “水下天鹅”与高尔夫升学赛道 (28:34) 对谈指出，泰国社会绝非表面那般“彻底躺平”。本土新兴中产在职场与社交中追求不慌不忙的体面，实际上却像“水面上优雅从容、水面下双脚疯狂划水”的天鹅，关起门来狂热送子女学习钢琴、芭蕾、学术补习与高尔夫。洞察到这一规则的中国家庭迅速融入其中，试图利用清迈门槛较低的体育资源打造差异化的欧美大学升学赛道。 这种体育推娃模式演化出了精细的家庭分工。有父亲辞职成为全职“保姆奶爸”，自学赛事场地、气象及击球参数，制定严禁饮用生奶豆浆的备战清单，督导女儿每天击球两小时；尽管女儿坦言全家仅靠母亲一人支撑、自己毫无竞技天赋也不愿成为职业球手。虽然圈内确有上海家庭的女儿凭高尔夫特长入选美国大学校队并斩获每年约4.5万美元奖学金成功“上岸”，但家长随之面临的是空巢失落、巨额沉没成本以及国内年迈长辈无法赡养的现实两难。 游牧过客的身份认同与代际和解 (20:46) 泰国非移民国家的属性注定了陪读家庭的“过客”底色。下一代成长为典型的“第三文化儿童”，虽有孩子脱口而出自称“清迈人”，但在现实中仍被当地人视为华人外来者。与此同时，追求办公自由的单亲妈妈等数字游民家长将清迈视为流动驿站，而其子女却强烈渴望稳固持久的校园与同伴社区，暴露出两代人对归属感理解的深刻错位。 深层的矛盾更在于家庭内部的心理代偿。移居家长常受“为孩子牺牲一切”的传统文化绑架，在失去自我实现渠道后产生巨大的内心委屈与无助感，甚至将童年经历的情感创伤无意识地投射给下一代。如12岁便被送往新加坡独自留学的小欧，既背负着寄人篱下的长期恐慌，又在成年后因管教严厉、边界模糊与父母爆发激烈肢体冲突。家庭成员最终通过亲笔书信拆解情感坚冰，反思严苛管教对下一代的代际传递，艰难寻求家庭和解。 清迈并非解脱国内焦虑的世外桃源，而是中产家庭在阶层维系焦虑下进行的一场高风险置换。当家长将自身职业发展与家庭稳定性全盘押注在低龄留学赛道上时，不仅必须直面经济剥离与异国法律制度的刚性约束，更须承担身份认同撕裂与代际创伤再生产的隐性代价。

[44:41] 康哥: Many Chinese people, to be honest, don't have a tradition of self-actualization; we aren't encouraged to do so, as we are taught that sacrificing oneself is what’s best. [44:41] 康哥: I believe real education happens at home. I used to strive to find good schools and good teachers, only to realize that the person I was looking for was myself. [47:52] 小欧: People only get angry when they feel helpless.

[0:02] International schools in Chiang Mai [0:04] attract many Chinese parents. Because [0:08] the costs are lower and the language [0:09] environment is better. In 2023, some [0:14] international schools in Chiang Mai [0:16] even had classes where half the [0:18] students were Chinese. [0:21] >> I can see the end at a glance. [0:23] >> Hu Yun comes from Guiyang, China; she [0:25] used to work at a bank and has now [0:27] moved her whole family to Chiang Mai. [0:30] All three of her children are already [0:31] enrolled in international schools. [0:35] >> We have a daughter and a set of twins; [0:37] I don't want my children to face an [0:39] exclusionary education, but now I face [0:41] another problem: the loss of my social [0:43] role. In the past, wherever I went, I [0:48] could proudly and happily write down my [0:50] profession—bank manager, host, [0:52] whatever—and felt very proud. But [0:56] that day when I went to the airport, I [0:58] only wrote down "housewife," and [1:00] truthfully, there was a sense of [1:02] disappointment in my heart. So, I am [1:06] currently in a process of searching, [1:08] looking for things I feel I can do. Did [1:13] you not foresee these issues when you [1:15] were making your choice back then? [1:19] >> I had thought about it, but my thinking [1:20] at the time was that it shouldn't be [1:22] such a big struggle. [1:23] >> Mm. When you have it, you might think [1:25] it's not that… [1:26] >> Right. [1:27] >> Only when you actually realize the [1:28] value do you think, oh. My father said [1:31] he wanted to sever our father-daughter [1:33] relationship. I grew up following the [1:37] path he set for me; everything, step by [1:39] step, followed his plan. He was very [1:43] satisfied with this final result, this [1:45] finished product, and now that this " [1:47] work of art" is destroying itself, he [1:49] feels, "Oh, why is this happening?" So [1:51] he said he wanted to sever ties. But [1:54] there was a long period of [1:55] communication afterward; I felt I still [1:57] needed to tell him that I am an adult [1:59] now and can take responsibility for my [2:01] actions, and they came here... [2:04] >> I met Hu Yun at a parents 'gathering. [2:07] That afternoon, I met a group with [2:09] similar aspirations. [2:11] >> As long as a child believes the world [2:13] is beautiful and is willing to work [2:14] hard, we will accompany them, which is [2:16] our philosophy. [2:17] >> Before we came out, my husband said [2:19] something to me: he said we would trade [2:21] 20 years of our lives for 40 years of [2:23] our children's lives. For us, how to [2:26] repair the relationship with our [2:27] children is also a very important [2:29] matter. I was dissatisfied and unhappy [2:35] with my previous lifestyle, my state as [2:37] a parent, and the children's condition, [2:39] so my goal is to change. [2:44] >> For us, it’s a rebirth. We’ve found [2:50] a way to leave behind previous [2:51] anxieties and immense pressure, [2:53] arriving here for a brand-new start in [2:55] a fresh environment with a relaxed [2:56] state of mind. It allows us to settle [3:03] down and reflect more on the future [3:04] lives of ourselves and our children, [3:06] and I hope we can all explore this [3:07] together here. I’ve only been here [3:10] for half a year, which is very short. I [3:12] still don't know my way around Chiang [3:13] Mai, only the routes to the tutor's [3:15] house and the school. So, having come [3:18] here, we truly hope that with so many [3:20] other parents and seniors, we can [3:22] analyze and find a path that is better [3:24] suited for our children. Some might say [3:27] , shouldn't life be about accepting [3:28] challenges? Shouldn't you [3:30] >> face these difficulties? Why try to [3:32] escape from these difficulties? [3:33] >> Actually, I hoped he would grow by [3:35] constantly building resilience, just as [3:37] I did during my own upbringing. But for [3:40] some children, your inappropriate [3:42] methods might completely extinguish [3:44] their personality, their nature, and [3:45] their original outlook on the future. [3:48] So why use such a cruel way to educate [3:50] your child? [3:51] >> What does accompanying our children to [3:53] study abroad really mean to us? We say [3:54] it means change, it means personal [3:56] growth, and it’s for the child's [3:58] future. [3:58] >> Chiang Mai is Thailand's second-largest [4:00] city, located in the northern region, [4:02] with a large foreign population. Their [4:05] children need education, so various [4:07] international schools from kindergarten [4:09] to high school have appeared here; [4:11] currently, there are 38. This area here [4:22] is the Old City, where most tourists in [4:24] Chiang Mai gather. Local Chinese told [4:27] me that Bangkok is more like a big city [4:29] like Beijing, while Chiang Mai can be [4:31] compared to Yunnan in China. The [4:36] relatively low cost of living and the [4:38] pleasant climate make this place an [4:40] easier first stop for Chinese families [4:42] hoping to move. At 3:00 PM, Niu Yafan [4:46] comes to pick up her daughter from [4:48] school. She is from Yunnan and has [4:51] lived in Chiang Mai for five years. [4:54] Unlike other parents, Yafan has a [4:56] special identity. She is a Ph.D. [4:58] candidate at the Faculty of Social [4:59] Sciences at Chiang Mai University—yes [5:01] , this is indeed Yafan. [5:03] >> She has surveyed 38 Chinese families [5:05] studying in Chiang Mai, conducting [5:07] research on children's overseas study [5:09] mobility from the perspectives of [5:11] sociology, anthropology, and pedagogy. [5:15] This is what I mean when I say that [5:17] Chinese parents face great pressure [5:19] when making the move; our investment in [5:21] this for our children is essentially a [5:23] personal transformation. Chiang Mai, in [5:27] an intangible way—it’s not [5:28] intentional—it naturally forms [5:30] something like what we talked about in [5:32] our childhood. You know that saying, " [5:34] It takes a village to raise a child?" [5:36] Back when we were kids... [5:38] >> Right, right. When we grew up, we were [5:41] always running around everywhere. The [5:44] neighbor, that sense of community, the [5:46] neighborhood concept—the whole [5:48] atmosphere is very family-friendly. [5:54] Their curriculum setup is usually one [5:56] main English-speaking teacher, [5:58] typically from the West, and then two [6:00] or three assistant teachers. They call [6:07] them co-teachers, who are mostly Thai [6:09] but bilingual. So, it's essentially [6:14] Thai and English. Wow. [6:21] >> So what you can see is that, for the [6:23] most part, the children here are what [6:25] we call "free-range." [6:27] >> Look over here, look at these kids just [6:29] playing here. [6:30] >> Is that allowed? I mean, it seems like [6:32] ...I haven't seen any teachers coming [6:34] to supervise them. [6:35] >> Oh, here they come. [6:40] >> The teacher is just guiding them away [6:42] from the mess. Right, leading them out. [6:44] >> No, they didn't get angry at them [6:45] immediately. They were very gentle, [6:47] like, "Let's go, let's go, we're done [6:49] here." [6:49] >> Exactly. [6:50] >> Hey, look, they got it. [6:52] >> They brought the broom over themselves. [6:55] They have to clean up the mess they [6:57] made themselves. That’s pretty good. [7:02] Yeah, I think it’s not bad, because [7:04] they even know to store things on the [7:05] side. They have their own way of doing [7:09] it. Taking a little cart. When it’s [7:20] lunchtime, they have a self-service [7:21] style. Look, their snack time is mostly [7:24] just like this, spreading out a mat and [7:26] then eating like that. And whenever [7:28] they hand out snacks, it's always [7:30] open-style, with a table managed by the [7:32] teacher. It's right there; if you want [7:33] it, you just take it yourself. They [7:35] have a philosophy of "not too much, not [7:37] too little," which is about taking the [7:39] right amount. Right, and if there are [7:42] leftovers, the teachers and students at [7:44] the school can ask to pack them up to [7:45] take home. Is this one of the 12 habits [7:48] called knowing the right amount? [7:50] >> Yeah. So that's Matauta. Mata is not [7:52] too much, not too little, just the [7:54] right amount. So this is something that [7:56] applies very much in early years. So [7:59] when they’re using paints or glue or [8:00] anything, we encourage them to think [8:02] about what's the right amount. They're [8:04] not using too much or too little. I'm [8:06] sorry, we need to...Not too much. Not [8:11] too little. It's convincing. Panyaden [8:18] promotes 12 wisdom habits, and "just [8:21] right" is one of them. If you are [8:30] living in a foreign country, your [8:31] family values might not always align [8:33] with the local social culture. [8:41] >> Mm. [8:42] >> Because you have your family traditions [8:44] , but when you go to another culture, [8:46] that social culture might be different [8:47] from yours, and you'll encounter those [8:49] differences. Families may have to [8:52] consider whether to maintain their [8:53] traditions, integrate with these [8:55] cultures, or assimilate into the local [8:57] society. And the school might become a [8:59] channel. Then the child becomes the [9:01] vanguard, exploring what this [9:03] transnational experience is all about [9:05] first. [9:06] >> Oh, but many people who come here might [9:08] just think they are here to choose a [9:09] school for their child. Yes, they [9:12] haven't thought about the connections [9:13] between the various parts you just [9:15] mentioned. Exactly. [9:17] >> Take the money and go. [9:19] >> Brother Heng used to be in the real [9:20] estate business back home. Now, to [9:22] accompany his child, he has completely [9:24] given up his income from back home. To [9:27] integrate into local life, he opened a [9:29] Muay Thai gym. His son, Xiaoyu, is a [9:32] fighter and also an assistant [9:34] instructor here. Higher. For example, [9:37] you mentioned your gym the other day; [9:39] are there any specific difficulties now [9:41] ? [9:42] >> I actually have quite a few [9:43] difficulties, because we are in [9:45] Thailand as accompanying parents. Of [9:48] course, we are here for our child’s [9:50] education, everything is for their [9:52] studies, so we just have to compromise [9:54] on everything else. Because Thailand [9:57] requires that if you want to do [9:59] business, over 51%of the shares must be [10:01] held by Thai nationals; no matter how [10:03] much you invest, you must give more [10:05] than half of the shares to a Thai [10:06] person. It’s the same for me; even [10:09] though I invested a lot of money, I can [10:11] only hold 49%. Oh, in that case, if you [10:13] have a disagreement or different [10:14] opinions, you still have to listen to [10:16] them because they hold the majority. [10:19] Yes, and the employees I hire are Thai, [10:21] right? So, I have no control over my [10:24] finances or the management of the [10:26] company, meaning I can't be the one in [10:28] charge like in China; that’s just [10:29] impossible. That is, this is the most [10:32] important reason. And then, they don't [10:34] recognize your work status; if you [10:36] don't have a work permit, you aren't [10:37] allowed to work. [10:38] >> Mm. [10:39] >> You can't just go and work. These are [10:42] all very realistic issues. I know some [10:48] immigrant parents who were white-collar [10:50] workers back home, then quit their jobs [10:51] and brought their children out for [10:53] their education. But according to the [10:58] labor market demands in that country, [11:00] their professions cannot be transferred [11:02] , so they have to move down the ladder [11:04] —from being white-collar workers, [11:06] they might become blue-collar workers, [11:08] for example, working in beauty salons. [11:12] Whether it's working as a porter or a [11:14] driver, regardless of social status, [11:16] these people have invested so much in [11:18] their own human capital that they [11:19] simply can't afford to go abroad and [11:21] let it go to waste. [11:24] >> What also troubles parents is the state [11:25] of their family relationships. For [11:27] those whose children have no economic [11:29] prospects. So this path is too hard; I [11:31] don't want my child to follow in my [11:33] footsteps. I want him to take the [11:35] college entrance exam, go to high [11:37] school, and attend university. I told [11:40] him, "I will never let you go to [11:42] vocational school; that's not your life [11:44] ." He couldn't understand it at the [11:45] time. [11:47] >> Most "shadow mothers" give up their [11:48] careers, live apart from their husbands [11:50] back home, and their children have to [11:52] face the absence of their father. [11:55] >> Let’s see how you two look together. [11:58] Look at Sister Er, she's doing great. [12:01] Look at her glowing complexion, and her [12:03] son is so handsome and healthy. [12:05] >> Come, let's see what our family has [12:07] chosen. [12:08] >> See? No? [12:09] >> Let me check your height. [12:10] >> Let me see, let me see. [12:13] >> Look quick. [12:15] >> Oh my god. [12:16] >> He even supports the family living in [12:18] two different places; he's perfectly [12:19] fine with it. Right, totally fine. He [12:21] thinks it's all for the sake of the [12:23] child. He feels that if I can give up [12:25] my career for the kids and become a [12:26] full-time stay-at-home mom, it's [12:28] something he never imagined. Because I [12:31] always said I would never be a [12:32] housewife, he now thinks everything is [12:34] for the child, and that it's all worth [12:36] it. [12:37] >> That's why I don't play around since [12:39] arriving here. Since I’m already out [12:41] here, I have to get into college. [12:43] Because I don't have a middle school [12:45] exam score, it's very difficult to get [12:47] back into China after finishing high [12:48] school abroad. There’s almost no [12:50] turning back. [12:51] >> Exactly, I've already cut off my own [12:53] retreat. Now, the only path forward is [12:55] university. [12:56] >> I said, at worst, we'll just go to [12:58] Chiang Mai University. I heard its [13:00] international ranking is on par with [13:02] our China Agricultural University. I [13:04] said, back home, we might not even be [13:06] able to get into an agricultural [13:07] university anyway, right? I told him, [13:09] going to Chiang Mai University is a [13:11] perfectly viable option too. It’s [13:13] just our ultimate backup plan. How can [13:16] families separated by national borders [13:18] stay together? Some people refer to [13:20] this arrangement of "shadow parenting" [13:22] as a collaborative project. But this [13:25] project is full of challenges; some [13:26] families fall apart because of it, [13:28] while others become even closer and [13:30] more reliant on each other. Yet, almost [13:33] everyone goes through a process of [13:35] readjusting their internal family [13:36] relationships. Because I wouldn't be [13:41] able to see them for a long time, I [13:43] started noting down the dates each [13:45] month in my phone's memo app. I still [13:51] have the records of how Jixiang and [13:52] Ruyi were changing, look. [13:56] >> Oh wow, the height and weight are all [13:58] here. [13:58] >> What a great dad. Most people only [14:00] record these things when the kids are [14:02] infants, but you've kept it up. [14:03] >> Yeah, I think everyone has that phase. [14:06] >> You even recorded your wife's info too, [14:08] that's wonderful. [14:10] >> During the time we were separated, when [14:12] we weren't together, I was in Beijing. [14:15] And Wang Jun was with the kids in [14:17] Chiang Mai. Uh, my biggest takeaway. I [14:20] don't think it was loneliness; I think [14:22] it was mostly worry. Especially that [14:25] feeling of helplessness during the [14:27] pandemic. No matter how capable I felt, [14:30] I couldn't help them or be by their [14:32] side when they needed me. Sometimes [14:36] when I was on the phone with them, I [14:38] would even secretly cry. I think for [14:42] about eight months during that time, I [14:43] didn't earn a single penny. [14:47] >> But over there, I had to send money on [14:49] time every month, and sometimes there [14:51] were extra expenses, like if the kids [14:53] needed a new computer or school [14:55] supplies, you have to cover those. So, [14:58] back then, I was caught in a bit of a [15:01] vicious cycle. There's no such thing as [15:03] an easy life; someone is just carrying [15:05] the burden for you. [15:07] >> Oh, that is so well said. Bai Bo and [15:10] his two daughters only see each other [15:12] every few years. His wife, Wang Jun, [15:15] has shouldered a lot on her own. [15:18] >> Renting a house here, especially for [15:20] foreigners. You can basically just [15:23] forget about getting your deposit back. [15:27] Oh, why is that? It's a local custom in [15:30] Thailand. Typically, you pay one [15:33] month's rent and put down two months' [15:35] deposit. [15:36] >> Basically, you can just forget about [15:38] that two-month deposit. Regardless of [15:40] your lease terms, they'll find all [15:41] sorts of excuses, like saying a door or [15:43] window is broken. Even if it wasn't [15:45] broken when you moved in, after living [15:47] there for two or three years, there [15:49] will be natural wear and tear. They'll [15:51] use that as an excuse not to refund [15:52] your money. Public hospitals are only [15:55] for Thai citizens. This might be a [15:58] blind spot in our knowledge, but it [16:00] doesn't necessarily mean that all the [16:01] insurance you buy is valid here. Right, [16:04] that's another thing, it just adds to [16:06] the cost, because they have some [16:07] insurance at school, but. [16:09] >> Accident insurance, [16:10] >> accident insurance. [16:11] >> It's quite different. [16:12] >> Most of the life or critical illness [16:14] insurance policies we buy can't be used [16:16] here. So, is it true that, as many [16:18] people imagine, coming to Thailand to [16:20] attend an international school [16:21] automatically paves the way to [16:23] university in countries like the UK or [16:25] the US? Is it really that smooth? [16:27] >> I think it's completely off-base. [16:30] >> Completely off-base, it's nothing like [16:32] what I imagined. It really depends on [16:34] everyone's individual situation. [16:37] >> Along the way, you’ll find there are [16:38] so many factors to consider regarding [16:40] where they can actually go. For example [16:43] , the US isn't a place you can just [16:45] decide to go to on a whim. Take the [16:47] visa for instance; we applied twice [16:48] last year and didn't get it. It's [16:50] incredibly difficult to handle; that's [16:52] a realistic issue. Then, when choosing [16:55] a school, each state has different [16:57] policies. Whether you go as an [17:03] international student or apply under [17:05] local US policies, there are so many [17:07] aspects to it. [17:10] >> Oh, are these for you and your younger [17:12] brother, or... [17:13] >> Oh, soccer, German. English tutor, golf [17:17] , German. It’s rare for people to [17:19] think of coming to Thailand to learn [17:21] German. But if you go to a German [17:25] school, you can almost...when they [17:27] apply for university, they can apply as [17:29] domestic German students. [17:32] >> They have the same quota or status to [17:34] apply for their domestic universities, [17:35] and German universities are free. [17:38] That’s the cost-effectiveness we see. [17:40] Wow, so you chose German not because [17:42] they love Germany or have a connection [17:44] to it, but because you just happened to [17:46] discover this viable path. [17:48] >> Yes, in Thailand, especially in Chiang [17:50] Mai, there are actually a lot of [17:51] resources and information regarding [17:53] schools and education; it just depends [17:55] on your ability to discern them. Isn't [17:58] it popular lately? "Life is not a track [18:00] , but a wilderness." But after this [18:03] past year, I realized that life is [18:05] still a track; you’re just on a [18:06] different one. In fact, the time I [18:10] spent with these families was short, [18:11] not enough to fully understand their [18:13] perspectives. But I sensed that [18:17] everyone had a vague vision in their [18:18] hearts when they set out. Once they [18:22] arrived in Chiang Mai, that vision [18:23] immediately turned into the daily [18:25] reality of life. They had to replan, [18:28] and many realized this wasn't the final [18:30] stop for their studies. The path ahead [18:32] remains full of unknowns. Is it because [18:35] , in the process of moving, your family [18:37] relationships have to be readjusted? [18:40] >> Are there many such cases? [18:41] >> Yeah, there are actually quite a lot of [18:43] them. But their distribution is [18:45] interesting. There isn't a mainstream [18:47] view that most are doing well or most [18:49] are separating; it's really divided by [18:51] different demographics. Based on my [18:55] research, if you look at the [18:57] percentages, when families move, their [18:59] relationships often tighten because [19:00] it’s for the sake of the kids. This [19:07] whole project brings all the family [19:08] members together, sometimes even the [19:10] grandparents, so it actually boosts [19:12] family closeness and unity. But after a [19:17] period of time, the transition begins. [19:19] >> Hello? [19:20] >> Hi, hello. Is this where kids go to [19:22] study abroad? [19:23] >> Yes. Uh, I’m looking at Thailand [19:25] right now. Is Chiang Mai a better value [19:27] for the money? I’ve been looking at [19:29] tuition and such. Yes, my child is [19:32] doing quite well right now, but I’ve [19:34] heard that you can’t get into the [19:35] good international schools, and I’m [19:37] afraid the not-so-good ones will hold [19:39] them back. That’s my current [19:42] situation. [19:43] >> We even have unmarried people coming to [19:45] consult us. [19:45] >> Yes, we really do, and it’s actually [19:47] quite common. Some started as unmarried [19:50] , and now their child is over a year [19:51] old, and they’ve come back to us. It [19:55] really is a long process, and it’s [19:57] very sticky. I spent ages talking to [19:58] her, only to realize she doesn’t even [20:00] have a boyfriend yet. I was like, " [20:02] You’re wasting your time." But you [20:04] can see just how much importance they [20:05] place on education. [20:08] >> Are there parents who, say, when making [20:10] these choices, seek the child's input? [20:13] >> Most families actually don’t have [20:14] that conversation. [20:15] >> Right. [20:16] >> Because parents don't know how to tell [20:18] their children, "You're going to change [20:19] environments and you might not see your [20:21] friends for a long time." They assume [20:23] the child won't accept it, so they just [20:25] ignore the issue. You know, like buying [20:27] a drink at the mall? [20:28] >> Mm-hmm. [20:29] >> Who drinks it? [20:30] >> The child drinks it. [20:31] >> The child drinks it, but the parents [20:33] buy it. [20:33] >> It's just like that. [20:34] >> Does the child have the power to choose [20:36] ? [20:36] >> They can't even speak yet, so in most [20:38] cases, the parents are the consumers— [20:40] they are the clients. [20:43] >> But the child is the actual user. [20:46] >> Actually, most of these families start [20:48] out with short-term plans. We’re all [20:51] just doing a kind of experiential [20:53] nomadic life. That’s why we come back [20:56] to Thailand; it isn't an immigration [20:58] country, it doesn't offer you status, [21:00] and there’s no legal guarantee of [21:02] social benefits for you there. Coming [21:05] to this point, I actually have a major [21:07] question: how is the identity of their [21:09] next generation constructed? [21:11] >> Saying he cannot be Thai. [21:12] >> Right. Then how does the culture here [21:15] support his own identity? I was taking [21:18] my child to a family restaurant once, [21:20] and we met a new family that had just [21:22] arrived from China. While they were [21:25] playing games, the mother asked my [21:26] daughter, "Where are you from?" in [21:28] English. She paused for a moment, [21:30] thought about it, and said, "I am a [21:32] Chiang Mai person, I'm a Chiang Mai-er. [21:34] " I was stunned standing there; this [21:37] turned into the most primitive and [21:38] simple form of identity. But how do the [21:42] locals view her, right? Exactly. [21:44] >> Yes, but the locals, of course, her [21:46] Thai classmates and teachers must think [21:48] she is Chinese, because her name is [21:50] different, and everything else is [21:52] different. [21:53] >> But that is the fun part; Chiang Mai is [21:55] a multicultural hub. It's interesting. [21:57] Walking on the streets here, there are [21:59] probably more foreigners than Thai [22:00] people. You realize that when [22:04] multiculturalism is the norm in a place [22:06] , it actually becomes what we call a [22:07] cultural world-view. Push factor is [22:12] something like you are in a horrible [22:14] living condition and there is a better [22:15] place you could go. [22:20] >> Could war itself push people out? [22:22] >> Yes. [22:23] >> Okay. [22:24] >> Of course. [22:25] >> How would they get there? [22:27] >> By walking or they take it by plane, [22:28] like I'm going to probably move by [22:30] Australia. [22:33] >> So if I have to move because of war do [22:39] you think there are planes available to [22:40] me and how do I get on those? Who might [22:44] get to the other? A lawyer. [22:46] >> A lawyer. Okay. Um, most of the time, [22:52] um, there are people who help people [22:54] who are, and more like, I know someone [22:56] who has a business to help refugees get [22:58] , they pay for their ticket to get them [23:00] out and give them a home. What are kind [23:08] of typical? I think that has already [23:21] grown up together with them quite a bit [23:27] . As a child, a third culture kid, I [23:29] moved around all the time. Yeah. [23:32] >> So many different places like the [23:34] Middle East, Canada, back and forth. [23:36] And so I tried to tell them, you know, [23:39] I I think you really make you so in [23:45] your context, but make the environment, [23:47] like even the games, such that you can [23:49] communicate with different people and [23:50] find a way to connect with them and [23:52] slowly that happened. [23:57] >> And how about identity issues? Would [23:59] they have this kind of, you know, [24:01] confusion? Who am I? [24:04] >> For me as a third culture kid, I [24:06] remember people and to this day people [24:08] ask me where and confused because for [24:15] Chiang Mai is my home and one of the [24:17] places that I've moved to and so [24:18] comfortable immediately. So I would say [24:22] that's my home, but my home is also [24:24] where my heart is. My parents live in [24:28] Dubai, my sister lives in Ethiopia, [24:30] another one in Cape Town and another [24:32] one in England. And then my grandfather [24:35] lives in Canada, all over the world. [24:37] >> Yeah. So for He felt that taking off [24:45] his shoes made it easier for him to [24:47] perform; it gave him a stronger sense [24:48] of grounding. He felt he could run [24:50] faster—the kid isn't exactly [24:51] professional, you know. I feel like the [24:53] whole atmosphere is so lively. Is that [24:55] drum being hit constantly? [24:56] >> Yes, yes, yes. In Thailand, whether [25:01] it's a sports meet or a self-organized [25:03] event, they must have music, and then [25:05] they sing and dance. As soon as the [25:11] music starts, everyone just...What are [25:17] the socially accepted standards of [25:19] success? [25:21] >> Thailand’s geographical conditions [25:23] are very fertile, which has made this [25:25] country relatively affluent. I heard a [25:29] saying before that in Thailand’s 700- [25:31] year history, no one has ever starved [25:33] to death. So, even if I lose my job, I [25:37] have a fallback plan. This is a [25:40] material condition that supports their [25:42] value system. [25:44] >> Do you think happiness is the ultimate [25:45] goal of education? [25:47] >> Life is essentially just playing a game [25:49] . If you like it, you are engaged in it [25:51] , and you are happy, then that really [25:53] is the ultimate goal. But do you have [25:55] the ability to play this game? Playing [25:57] the game is what matters. [26:01] >> Perhaps if you aren't happy now, you [26:03] won't be happy in the future; therefore [26:04] , the goal of education is for children [26:06] to ultimately have the ability to be [26:08] happy. [26:12] >> In their educational and assessment [26:13] systems, there are clear scores; if you [26:15] participate in a certain number of [26:17] activities, you get a certain score. I [26:20] think this is definitely good for their [26:22] development because they gain hands-on [26:23] skills and the ability to adapt to [26:25] social life. As soon as they enter [26:27] society, they are finished products, [26:29] completely able to [26:30] >> Finished products. Yes, they can [26:31] completely begin working with their [26:33] colleagues or teammates at their [26:35] workplace. [26:35] >> So what about homework? Is there a lot [26:37] of it? [26:38] >> When it reaches a certain point, how [26:39] should I put it—to be blunt, setting [26:41] it is your business, but whether I do [26:42] it is my business. If you assign too [26:44] much, I just won't do it. [26:46] >> But for the teachers, how can that work [26:47] ? [26:48] >> The school requires that the student [26:50] must pass. [26:52] >> They must pass, but how they pass is [26:53] the teacher's business. If they don't [26:55] pass, I don't blame the student; I [26:56] blame the teacher. Why didn't they pass [26:58] ? [26:58] >> Doesn't that just mean the teachers [27:00] lower their standards? [27:01] >> Exactly, this is a matter of philosophy [27:02] , not standards. I don't think it's [27:04] lowering standards; we think standards [27:05] are just the points of knowledge you [27:07] learn. If you haven't learned them, our [27:08] standards are too narrow. [27:09] >> Yes, we think doing homework might be [27:11] the most basic requirement. Yes, but in [27:13] reality, we often overlook a huge [27:14] amount of things, only seeing the [27:16] homework. What we call lowering [27:18] standards is lowering the homework [27:19] standards, but actually, there are many [27:21] things they haven't seen. Uh. [27:23] >> Just learning through other means. [27:24] >> Exactly, exactly, learning through [27:26] other means. If they don't pass, for [27:28] example, in Thai literature, why didn't [27:30] they pass? Because they didn't do the [27:32] homework. Well, just let them read a [27:33] poem to you, give them the grade, and [27:35] they pass. Or let them watch a TV show [27:37] and talk about their thoughts; wouldn't [27:39] they pass then? [27:39] >> Just by being flexible with teaching [27:41] methods. [27:42] >> Why should not doing homework mean [27:43] failing? My superiors won't accept it, [27:45] the school won't accept it. [27:47] >> I see. After Thai students graduate, do [27:50] they have any advantages in the global [27:52] talent competition market? [27:57] >> My view, based on over a decade of [27:58] thinking about this, is that they have [28:00] great ideas when it comes to creative [28:02] work. The Thai advertising industry. [28:07] >> Yes, that is a typical representation [28:09] of them, their advertisements. Produced [28:13] under this kind of educational system. [28:19] They are encouraged from a young age to [28:20] think for themselves, design their own [28:22] projects, and let their imaginations [28:24] run wild, regardless of whether they [28:26] are right or wrong. I see you won a [28:34] bronze medal, is that right? Third [28:36] place. [28:37] >> Third place. [28:38] >> When you're in a group, there are four [28:39] people, right? [28:40] >> Yes. [28:42] >> So, three out of those four people can [28:44] get medals. Oh. Do you usually train [28:48] for it? [28:49] >> No training. So you won an award today, [28:53] right? What kind of award did you win [28:55] and in what category? Does your class [28:58] have rankings for academic performance? [29:01] >> Yes. [29:02] >> Oh, there are rankings. Hmm, what place [29:05] are you in? [29:08] >> Oh, you are second in the whole class. [29:13] Because you are talented, you study [29:15] hard. Is Chinese your favorite class? [29:22] >> Your favorite class is Chinese? What do [29:24] you learn in your labor skills class? [29:27] >> Planting trees. [29:28] >> Watering. [29:29] >> Oh, do they grade you on planting trees [29:31] too? Is there a grade for it? [29:33] >> Yes. [29:34] >> What kind of jobs do you think you want [29:36] to do in the future? [29:38] >> I... [29:42] >> Thailand's overall educational [29:43] philosophy seems quite flexible, but in [29:45] reality, the local middle class has [29:47] high expectations for their children's [29:49] education. Actually, honestly speaking, [29:53] the Thai friends I've met are quite...I [29:55] feel their "rat race" might be [29:57] completely different. They are very [30:01] polite, but if you get to know them, [30:02] you'll find they are very serious about [30:04] their work. They might complete a huge [30:09] workload before a deadline, and it's [30:10] not like what we imagine where they are [30:12] just playing or relaxing all day. So I [30:16] feel that perhaps the "laid-back" [30:18] impression we have is just a surface [30:20] phenomenon. Everyone is smiling, and [30:24] they pursue a sense of elegance in [30:25] their work. You cannot be flustered. [30:30] It's a bit like a duck—calm on the [30:32] surface, but their feet are paddling [30:34] non-stop underneath. [30:36] >> Behind closed doors, they still have a [30:38] very strong sense of competition. [30:40] >> Very, very much so. I think at times [30:43] it’s even more intense than what we [30:45] are used to. Global cooperation has [30:48] promoted the development of Thailand's [30:50] modern agriculture, medical and [30:51] cultural industries, and tourism. These [30:54] sectors have given rise to Thailand's [30:56] emerging middle class. These families [30:59] place great importance on their [31:01] children's education and enroll them in [31:03] various academic tutoring and [31:04] extracurricular classes, such as piano, [31:06] ballet, and golf. Chinese families here [31:10] have quickly caught onto this path and [31:12] have become a part of it. Most parents [31:14] who accompany their children to study [31:16] abroad use Thailand as a stepping stone [31:18] . Their long-term goal is to apply to [31:20] universities in English-speaking [31:21] countries. They found that beyond [31:25] academics, developing a child's [31:26] athletic talent might also be a way to [31:28] achieve this. I met a family from [31:32] Beijing at a golf course in Chiang Mai. [31:35] What school were you at in Beijing back [31:37] then? [31:37] >> The Second Primary School or something? [31:39] >> Heguan Second Primary School. [31:41] >> Oh, Helongguan, Second Primary. [31:43] >> Your grades were pretty good back then, [31:44] right? Yeah. So, what kind of sport is [31:47] golf considered in Thailand? [31:49] >> I think people with an average income [31:51] can afford to play it. [31:52] >> The average income here is about 20,000 [31:55] Baht, basically that. [31:56] >> 20,000 Baht a month is equivalent to [31:58] 4,000 RMB. [31:59] >> As it turned out, once she started [32:00] playing, we discovered she had a talent [32:02] for it. [32:03] >> I have no talent. [32:04] >> Mm. [32:04] >> No talent. [32:05] >> No talent? Still, we persisted in [32:07] practicing. I remember it was from that [32:09] year. Starting that year, we kept up [32:12] daily practice; there wasn't a single [32:14] day we could stop. [32:16] >> How long did you practice every day? [32:18] >> About two hours, I guess. [32:21] >> During the hitting sessions, I wouldn't [32:23] say anything, just let her hit. [32:24] >> In his circle of friends, this father [32:26] is no longer called by his name, but by [32:28] the nickname "Nanny Dad." Because he [32:31] pours all his energy into his daughter. [32:34] >> You have to study the course strategy [32:36] yourself, research the venue, decide [32:38] which club to use, how to handle the [32:40] wind, whether it’s raining or [32:41] especially sunny today, and how to [32:43] dress—you have to pay attention to [32:45] everything. Golf is a sport that [32:47] focuses heavily on details. [32:49] >> Give me an example. [32:50] >> Take choosing a club, for instance. [32:51] Generally speaking, if you listen to a [32:53] coach, they'll say for a girl, you [32:55] should start with something lighter so [32:56] she can hit it further. Because in golf [32:58] , distance is a huge advantage. But [33:03] later, I looked into what kids who play [33:05] well are like versus those who don't, [33:07] and I realized you should start with a [33:09] club that's slightly heavier. Just a [33:12] bit heavier and longer than what she [33:14] actually needs, but without going [33:16] beyond her capacity. Adjusting within a [33:19] very small range allows you to find the [33:21] most reasonable balance between [33:23] distance and accuracy; that is the best [33:25] approach. The coach doesn't manage club [33:27] selection; I’m the one who selects [33:29] them. [33:29] >> Does she accept your choices? [33:31] >> When she was little, she didn't. [33:33] >> We used to argue about it often. Yeah. [33:36] Because he manages things in such [33:37] detail, he often watches things like [33:39] what professional players need to pay [33:41] attention to before a match. For [33:44] example, a week before the competition, [33:46] you have to watch your diet to avoid [33:48] getting an upset stomach; he forbids me [33:51] from drinking soy milk or raw milk. [33:54] >> There’s a checklist before the [33:55] matches. These are the principles you [33:58] must follow during the matches; it’s [34:00] all experience accumulated from past [34:02] competitions. [34:04] >> It’s very strict. [34:05] >> If you don't follow it, problems will [34:07] arise. [34:09] >> He loves preaching; he’s studied a [34:11] lot, but I feel some of his research is [34:13] a bit strange. [34:16] >> What do you mean by strange? [34:19] >> Sometimes it’s just not right; he [34:21] learns all these theories but doesn't [34:23] learn the proper techniques. [34:26] >> Do you think your dad works hard? [34:28] >> Um, I guess it’s a bit hard. [34:32] >> So, has he completely stopped his [34:33] previous job and made raising you his [34:35] main career now? [34:37] >> I don’t think he made much money at [34:39] his old job anyway. [34:41] >> Not much money? Then who supports your [34:43] family now? [34:45] >> Um, my mom. [34:46] >> Your mom? Yeah. So, in this sport of [34:50] golf, what do you find fun about it? [34:53] >> Um, just being on the grass. The grass [34:56] is super green and looks really nice. [35:00] >> Do you plan on making this your [35:01] lifelong career in the future? [35:04] >> Actually, I don't want to turn [35:05] professional. But I think playing is [35:08] pretty nice. This mother is from [35:11] Shanghai. In the eyes of other parents [35:13] accompanying their children, she has [35:14] already cleared the path; her daughter [35:16] was accepted into a Midwestern [35:18] university in the US, graduated this [35:20] year, and will head to college this [35:22] August. [35:22] >> Where is she going? [35:23] >> She got into the American varsity team. [35:25] >> Wow. [35:26] >> So, it’s all following the paths of [35:28] those who came before; yes, for them, [35:29] they are also destined to walk this [35:31] road. [35:31] >> Right, we were also looking at the [35:33] seniors, and she was quite lucky to get [35:35] a scholarship. [35:36] >> Full ride? Not exactly a full ride, [35:38] about 45,000 a year. 45,000 USD? [35:42] That’s very good, very good. [35:44] >> Now that you’ve walked this path, how [35:45] do you feel? Are you relieved? [35:48] >> No, I find myself worrying about her [35:50] situation in college now. [35:51] >> Worrying again? [35:52] >> As a mom, this worry has no end, but [35:54] you can't accompany her to the US [35:56] anymore, and she doesn't need you to [35:58] accompany her, right? [35:59] >> So what are your own plans? Do you have [36:01] a sense of loss? [36:04] >> I’ll do some things I wanted to do [36:06] before but didn't have time for to [36:07] enrich myself; I think this place is [36:09] quite suitable for retirement. I [36:12] >> We might not be working in Beijing [36:14] these years, so our income will [36:16] definitely be lower, but if he gets the [36:18] sports prize money in a few years, then [36:20] the efforts we put in this year will be [36:22] worth it. We haven't decided if we'll [36:25] retire here yet. [36:26] >> Actually, if we go back, it's mainly to [36:28] be with our parents, since they are [36:30] getting on in years. [36:31] >> Yeah, we haven't been back these past [36:33] few years due to the pandemic. [36:35] >> Getting longer and longer. [36:38] >> These vegetables are all grown locally, [36:40] right? [36:40] >> All local. [36:43] >> Because Chiang Mai is flat only in this [36:45] area, it's surrounded by mountains, [36:47] with many farmers who grow vegetables, [36:49] and then we...In this market, I really [37:05] feel that the variety of agricultural [37:07] products is extremely rich. [37:09] >> For example, this stall just sells [37:11] onions and garlic. These onions have [37:15] many different appearances, big and [37:16] small, with different colors. There are [37:20] five or six types of garlic in [37:21] different sizes, and look, there's even [37:23] this ginger that's as small as a grain [37:25] of rice. Thai people have such good [37:28] tempers. We're here filming their [37:31] things, and not a single person is [37:33] impatient with us; they're all smiling. [37:36] Look how laid-back this is. It doesn't [37:38] feel like there's much of a "service [37:40] mindset," they're just enjoying [37:41] themselves. [37:42] >> For people at the grassroots level in [37:43] Thailand, they don't think schooling is [37:45] a must. They don't really have that [37:46] desire to climb the social ladder. [37:48] >> Yes, they aren't working that hard, [37:50] it's not like everyone has to be that [37:52] way; they are fine with this life, it's [37:54] great, yes, this one is cheap, 60 for a [37:56] bag. [37:57] >> A huge bag for ten yuan. [37:59] >> Yes, this bag is usually 10 kilograms. [38:01] >> A little over ten yuan. [38:03] >> A little over ten yuan, and this [38:04] cabbage, look at them. [38:05] >> So fresh. [38:06] >> They will take those... [38:07] >> Oh, rotten. [38:08] >> Leaves all... [38:10] >> Oh, they took all the bad ones off. [38:12] They also pull off anything that isn't [38:13] fresh. Yeah, look at that, they've [38:15] stripped it down. Look at that, look at [38:17] the cart, it's covered in stripped-off [38:19] leaves. How much did they peel off? [38:21] >> Yeah. [38:21] >> It's all peeled off. [38:22] >> How conscientious. [38:24] >> Uh-huh. [38:27] >> What is this? [38:28] >> He's pushing it, he's been following us [38:30] with it for an hour. [38:31] >> Oh. [38:31] >> He just follows us, and whenever we buy [38:33] something, he puts it in and helps us [38:34] carry it. [38:34] >> Hmm, how much is this? [38:36] >> 20, right? [38:37] >> That's about four yuan in RMB. [38:38] >> About four yuan. [38:39] >> And he can follow along the whole way? [38:41] Yes, he follows the whole way. He even [38:43] helped me put this in the car. [38:45] >> When I left the market, I ran into the [38:47] Thai man who helped carry the basket [38:49] earlier. [38:50] >> He had some porridge. [38:52] >> He was throwing the rice porridge onto [38:53] the roof to feed the pigeons. [38:58] >> In this place, everyone has food to eat [39:00] . [39:04] >> Yes, they earn it themselves. Yes. In [39:20] the past, Chinese families who came to [39:22] Chiang Mai mostly did so because [39:23] parents followed their children to [39:25] choose a school for them. In recent [39:27] years, a new group of people has [39:29] emerged, known as digital nomads. Their [39:33] work is all done over the internet, so [39:35] once they close their laptops, they can [39:37] choose to live anywhere they want. So, [39:40] some people have brought their children [39:42] here just to change their own way of [39:44] life. After arriving here, they strive [39:46] to integrate into the local community [39:48] and build a temporarily stable home for [39:50] themselves. Limi works at a co-working [39:53] space. It gathers digital nomads from [39:56] various countries. As long as she has a [39:59] computer and internet, Limi can move [40:01] around flexibly. Chiang Mai is just her [40:03] temporary home. That's your fried egg. [40:07] >> It seems this side is your choice. [40:09] >> Is it that your daughter is [40:10] accompanying you to change your [40:12] lifestyle? [40:12] >> Yes, that’s right. [40:13] >> Mm. [40:14] >> So, for example, after you arrived in [40:16] Chiang Mai and settled into this [40:17] environment, what do you feel this [40:19] environment gives you? You like it. [40:21] >> It’s like this: every time we get off [40:23] the plane, as we descend the stairs and [40:25] walk through the corridor of Chiang Mai [40:27] Airport. She will say, "It feels like [40:30] coming home." [40:32] >> Yes, it does. It’s a sense of [40:34] belonging. Perhaps returning to [40:37] Shanghai now feels like going back to [40:39] my old city, but it feels like someone [40:41] else's place—familiar, yet someone [40:43] else's. But returning here really gives [40:47] me a feeling of coming home. Does your [40:50] mother frequently changing her [40:51] lifestyle have any impact on you? [40:54] >> Looking at it now, I don't think I will [40:56] be like my mother and like to change [40:58] places often. Because I’m not the [41:00] type who likes to move around; I prefer [41:02] to stay in one place, within an [41:03] environment I’m familiar with. [41:06] Although I won't be like her in the [41:08] future, I can adapt to this now. I mean [41:11] , I can adapt anywhere, and I think [41:12] it’s quite good. Why are you somewhat [41:15] reluctant to move? Mainly because I’d [41:17] have to leave things like my friends or [41:19] the places I go to often. Leaving my [41:21] current living environment is something [41:23] I’m reluctant to do. [41:25] >> Yes, she is more group-oriented; she [41:27] really needs a community. We have a [41:30] typical example of this; for instance, [41:32] for her birthday, she wants to invite [41:34] almost her entire class. She is the [41:38] type who is very sociable in a group, [41:40] gets along well with everyone, and [41:42] really enjoys it. She really cares [41:45] about the collective atmosphere; she [41:47] draws energy from being in a crowd. [41:50] >> When it's my birthday, I tell people, " [41:52] Don't bother me, I'll spend it by [41:53] myself." Yes, just let me be in peace [41:55] today. But she doesn't understand. She [41:57] asks, "Mom, why don't you want to [41:59] invite anyone to spend your birthday [42:00] with you?" I just feel that I'm very [42:02] comfortable on my own. Yes, I really [42:04] enjoy it. So, if your mom wants to move [42:06] to another city next time, will you [42:07] follow her? [42:08] >> Probably not, right? [42:11] >> Well, if the next time happens to be [42:13] when I'm in college, for example, then [42:15] I can take care of myself. In that case [42:17] , probably not. [42:19] >> What she means is that as long as she [42:20] doesn't have to change schools, it's [42:22] fine. In the middle. [42:24] >> What should I draw? Let me think. This [42:27] is good, a spiral pattern creates that [42:29] ...... [42:30] >> spinning look. [42:31] >> Yes, exactly, that turning effect. [42:34] Right, I'll use a lighter blue. I'll [42:36] draw a flock of birds. [42:39] >> Following the mother and daughter, I [42:41] also immersed myself in Chiang Mai's [42:42] Umbrella Festival. Bo Sang Village in [42:45] Chiang Mai is known for producing them. [42:48] The annual Umbrella Festival is a grand [42:50] local event. Amidst the festive crowd, [42:54] everyone is in high spirits. But to [42:58] truly survive in a foreign country, [42:59] there are many practical issues to face [43:01] . Brother Kang and his son, Xiaoyu, are [43:05] preparing for a Muay Thai match today. [43:08] >> About this... [43:09] >> No, just call A-Dong. Call A-Dong. I've [43:11] already paid him for this water, paid [43:13] in full. We ordered 1,000 bottles. [43:15] 1,200, 1,200. 1,200. [43:22] >> Who are you fighting today? Are you [43:23] nervous? [43:24] >> It's okay today. I'm fighting a Thai [43:26] person. [43:26] >> Fighting a Thai person? [43:27] >> A Thai person. [43:28] >> What kind of strong fighters are they? [43:29] >> Uh, foreigners are heavier, they are [43:31] bigger. So their boxing is better, it's [43:34] easier to hit. [43:35] >> Easier to hit. [43:36] >> Yes. [43:37] >> Are you nervous? [43:37] >> A little, because I don't know, because [43:39] I don't know who the opponent is. I [43:41] haven't seen them yet. [43:42] >> I heard you were injured before. [43:47] >> Uh, a small cut here. Unlike boxing, in [44:02] a Muay Thai match, you can use fists, [44:04] legs, knees, and elbows to attack your [44:06] opponent at extremely close range. [44:11] >> If you see his reaction is slow, go for [44:13] a high kick. Just sweep in, a high kick [44:17] . Hey! Steady! Hold! Steady! Hold! Hey! [44:41] He fought really well this time. He [44:44] trained so hard. Look, both of his legs [44:48] are a bit scraped up. For children's [44:52] education, I think Thailand is a very [44:54] good transition. It serves as a great [44:57] stepping stone. Staying here for the [45:00] long term probably doesn't suit most [45:02] people. I feel that I am still one of [45:06] the few people in this group. [45:09] >> Hmm. [45:11] >> I can build connections with the locals [45:12] and work with their knowledge to start [45:14] companies or do things. So, for you now [45:18] , is education still about choosing a [45:20] school? [45:21] >> No. Actually, I believe real education [45:23] happens at home. I used to strive to [45:26] find good schools and good teachers, [45:28] only to realize that the person I was [45:30] looking for was myself. I should become [45:35] the kind of person I want my child to [45:36] be. When we stepped back from China, [45:41] not to pursue more competitive markets [45:43] but to migrate to places like Southeast [45:45] Asia, lifestyle migration and economic [45:47] migration were two different paths. [45:49] Lifestyle migration inevitably faces [45:51] the question: what happens if I have no [45:54] income? Then your economic work and [45:56] productive labor become the two things [45:57] you face. They occupy, how should I say [46:00] , the entirety of a parent's life, yet [46:02] one still has one's own side. Can I [46:04] achieve my own realization within this [46:06] contribution? Is this the meaning of my [46:08] life, right? If you have even a bit of [46:11] this thought, you will find it very [46:12] conflicted. Actually, this has nothing [46:15] to do with where you live; it is [46:16] something parents must face in this [46:18] space and time. So I must make [46:20] trade-offs. Perhaps when people first [46:22] arrive, they think that once they solve [46:24] the education issue in Thailand, all [46:26] problems will be solved, but in reality [46:28] , that's not the case at all. Many [46:29] Chinese people, to be honest, don't [46:31] have a tradition of self-actualization; [46:33] we aren't encouraged to do so, as we [46:35] are taught that sacrificing oneself is [46:37] what’s best. So, ultimately, when you [46:39] return to this point, it becomes clear [46:41] that parents need healing because [46:43] education often implies sacrifice. You [46:46] sacrifice for your children, but the [46:47] part meant for yourself should also be [46:49] considered and allowed. [46:51] >> So, even in a "Peach Blossom Spring," [46:53] there are major issues. [46:55] >> It’s suitable for living, but. Using [46:58] our terminology, our life trajectories [47:00] are different. The most challenging [47:04] part is for the children, because they [47:06] can't express it, yet they are already [47:07] living it, and this cross-cultural [47:09] shock is already part of their life [47:11] experience. Hmm. [47:14] >> And this is a part that we, as a [47:15] generation of transient families, [47:17] cannot truly resonate with our children [47:19] . [47:19] >> They are unable to prepare. From what [47:23] I've observed, these children face [47:25] significant life challenges because [47:26] they have to handle things on their own [47:28] from a very young age. When parents [47:32] can't empathize with them, I try to [47:34] offer my own experience to help. [47:37] >> So, they are very individualistic [47:38] because they have a part of themselves [47:40] that they cannot share. But at what [47:44] point does this independence turn into [47:45] loneliness or become something [47:47] traumatic? That is what you have to [47:52] observe as Xiao lives in Chiang Mai [47:53] with her children. Her parents live in [47:58] another neighborhood not far away. When [48:02] Xiao was 12, her parents sent her to [48:04] Singapore to study alone. She [48:08] experienced drastic environmental [48:09] changes during her childhood. [48:12] >> So, why were you unhappy living [48:14] together? [48:15] >> It felt uncomfortable. [48:16] >> Mhm. [48:17] >> Well, it's just our living habits. Plus [48:24] , the impact on the children is quite [48:26] direct; if the distance is too close, [48:28] the children can feel a sense of [48:30] conflict. [48:36] >> Can you give an example? [48:38] >> Like cleaning up, for instance. I find [48:41] my mom to be a very tidy and organized [48:43] person. I remember when I was little, I [48:47] joked with her, "Mom, I feel like a [48:48] thief in this house. I have to walk so [48:51] carefully. If I accidentally bump into [48:54] something, like her decorations, I'll [48:57] get scolded." [48:58] >> Exactly. And I personally feel that [49:02] home should be a place where you can [49:04] relax; I think comfort is most [49:05] important. [49:10] >> Xiao's living habits are completely [49:12] different from her parents '. She has [49:20] never lived with us for a long period [49:22] of time. [49:23] >> This time here is the longest we've [49:25] lived together, maybe... [49:26] >> We've lived together for two years. [49:28] >> Living together for two years; those [49:31] two years left my daughter, my wife, [49:33] and me feeling a bit overwhelmed. [49:36] Besides your daughter living with you [49:38] this time, there is also the next [49:40] generation, the third generation. [49:42] >> Yes, and regarding the next generation, [49:44] there are also some issues with how the [49:46] children are raised. [49:49] >> Since she is the primary person raising [49:51] the children, she can sometimes be a [49:52] bit impatient, while we feel we should [49:54] be more tolerant toward them. [49:57] >> So, are there any conflicts in [49:59] parenting styles? Yes. [50:00] >> Definitely, yes, I think so. [50:02] >> You think so? In what ways? To give an [50:06] example, she always tells her daughter [50:08] and son, "You need to do this and that. [50:12] How many times have I told you? Why [50:14] can't you remember?" Right? So, she [50:18] gets furious when they don't remember. [50:21] I tell her that it's normal for [50:22] children not to remember. You have to [50:25] understand this: you can tell him a [50:27] hundred times, and he still won't [50:29] remember. As a mother, all you can do [50:34] is keep saying it until he grows up, [50:36] not until he remembers it. [50:41] >> I also had to let my dad know my stance [50:43] . Just because you're protecting him [50:46] doesn't mean I'll back down or retreat; [50:48] I will stick to what I believe in. How [50:51] should I put this? In our Chinese [50:54] ethical values, using a rattan cane on [50:56] your father is a pretty big deal. Oh, [50:59] is that so? But I didn't mean to hit my [51:01] dad. He could have chosen not to be hit [51:03] . If he hadn't picked up my son and run [51:06] , and just left him there, I wouldn't [51:08] have hit him. [51:09] >> So, it wasn't my intention to hit him. [51:12] >> When we chat with your parents, we feel [51:14] they are really great people, so we [51:16] wonder, why can't you live together? It [51:18] feels like they are very understanding [51:20] people. [51:21] >> Mm. [51:23] >> But perhaps in your relationship, [51:24] things don't feel exactly like that. [51:28] The thing is, when I'm disciplining my [51:30] child, they should know that Mom has [51:32] the authority to teach you. By my dad [51:35] blocking me like that...I just felt [51:37] that from then on, the child could [51:39] completely ignore whatever Mom says, [51:41] right? I remember telling my children [51:47] that when you see Mom get angry, I may [51:49] look scary, but actually, I’m the one [51:51] who really needs help, because people [51:53] only get angry when they feel helpless. [52:00] >> Was it difficult for you when you left [52:02] your parents for Singapore at twelve? [52:04] >> It was very difficult at the beginning. [52:06] It was very difficult at the beginning. [52:07] No one wants to leave their parents at [52:09] such a young age. What did that feel [52:12] like? [52:16] >> It’s a feeling of panic and [52:18] helplessness, not knowing how to handle [52:20] life or school around you. I knew that [52:27] others were being kind to me, [52:30] >> Mm. [52:32] >> but no amount of kindness could fill [52:33] the emptiness in my heart. But I [52:38] remember back then, when I was staying [52:39] at someone else's place, I would send a [52:41] letter to my parents every single week. [52:46] My mom kept all those letters safe. As [52:50] for now, there was one year on my [52:52] birthday. They asked me, "Hey, what do [52:55] you want for your birthday?" So I said, [53:00] "How about this: you each write me a [53:02] letter—Mom, Dad, and my husband— [53:04] everyone write me a letter." [53:08] >> That’s a very interesting request. [53:09] Yeah, I think it’s great, and it [53:11] brought us closer together; I think [53:13] that... [53:14] >> It was from that moment on that I felt [53:16] our relationship became much easier to [53:18] handle. [53:19] >> So what did you write to your daughter [53:20] in the letters? [53:22] >> Well, in the letters I wrote to her, I [53:24] remember focusing on raising children. [53:27] When she was little, I would lose my [53:29] mind, have breakdowns, and yell at her [53:31] too. So I told her, I said my own [53:34] mother used to be the same way with me [53:36] when I was little. And now you're doing [53:40] the same thing to your child; it's like [53:41] a curse. [53:43] >> So, I really hoped we could break that [53:45] curse and gradually change things. [53:48] >> I remember when I wrote the first [53:49] letter to her, I brought this up. [53:52] >> That day, when she was disciplining her [53:54] daughter, she said something very harsh [53:56] . She had been talking to her daughter [54:01] for a while, and she said, "Emma, I [54:03] don't think you love me at all." So, I [54:07] spoke to her about it, saying that no [54:10] matter what you say to a child, they [54:12] usually won't remember. You tell them [54:18] to fold the blanket or put things back, [54:20] they won't remember, but if you say "I [54:21] don't love you anymore," that they will [54:23] remember. I told her she really had to [54:28] be careful with those words. Since I [54:30] wrote that letter, she hasn't said [54:31] anything like that ever again. I [54:33] remember after I finished writing that [54:35] first letter, she read it and then [54:37] hugged me and cried. [54:39] >> Mhm. [54:40] >> Yes. [54:41] >> Mhm. I haven't experienced that kind of [54:44] feeling yet. [54:48] >> Parents are interesting in that way. [54:50] You say, "Oh, write letters? I don't [54:54] know what to write," and that's just [54:55] what you say. On my birthday, I hadn't [54:58] even gotten out of bed yet. As soon as [55:00] I opened my eyes, my dad was standing [55:02] by my bedside, handing me something. I [55:06] realized, oh, maybe Dad doesn't [55:07] actually mind, and might even be [55:09] willing to do these things. And when [55:12] you asked your dad about birthdays, did [55:14] you ask if he remembers theirs? [55:16] >> He remembers. [55:17] >> He remembers, and then, what gifts did [55:19] you get them? [55:21] >> Just sent my son over. [55:24] >> You are your mother's gift. [55:26] >> Cures all illnesses, wow. [55:28] >> Mhm. Right? You're the one who makes [55:31] your father-in-law the happiest, aren't [55:32] you? Aren't you, son? Wow, seeing that [55:35] genuine display of emotion from my dad, [55:37] I don't think I've ever seen that in my [55:39] whole life. Later on, I discovered that [55:42] Mom is actually a person who is very [55:44] easily moved as well. So I thought, [55:47] that's fine; whenever I come across [55:49] something moving, I'll just share it [55:50] with Mom. [55:52] >> You also recently gave him a book and [55:54] wrote him a card. [55:55] >> Yes, that’s right. When I gave that [55:58] Christmas gift, I wrote in the card to [55:59] Mom that I hoped after you finish [56:01] reading this book, you’ll share it [56:02] with me. Just like what I give my [56:10] children now Do you feel that sending [56:32] it out back then was a bit too early? [56:34] We both discussed it at the time. The [56:37] part I remember most clearly is that we [56:39] both said this was like a gamble. [56:42] >> Yeah. [56:43] >> Then he said we couldn't afford to lose [56:45] this gamble, and I remember that [56:46] sentence most—that no matter what [56:48] happens, we will face the consequences [56:50] together. [56:54] >> If your child has the opportunity to [56:56] study abroad at age 12 now, would you [56:57] choose to let them go on their own? [57:02] >> I think he would go with them. [57:03] >> He would let them go. [57:04] >> I think the answers are completely [57:06] different. [57:06] >> I think he would go with them. [57:07] >> I think he would let them go. [57:09] >> He really, he feels that companionship [57:11] is very important. Then why do you [57:13] think he would let them go? [57:14] >> Well, looking at how he educates the [57:16] children now, he always asks them to be [57:18] independent, etc.