Joe Rogan Experience #2573 - Legion of Skanks

《乔·罗根体验》第2573期：Legion of Skanks 乔·罗根与大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson）、路易斯·J·戈麦斯（Luis J. Gomez）及史蒂夫·拉纳齐西（Steve Rannazzisi）围坐畅聊，话题跨越医疗荒诞现象、户外生存险情以及单口喜剧行业的发展生态。众人探讨了一系列不同寻常的话题，从器官采集伦理与天葬，到郊区野生动物遭遇、自制烟火以及先进假肢技术的兴起。他们还在饮食极端偏好上各抒己见，将高端西班牙干式熟成牛肉与常见快餐进行对比，并回顾了噱头广播的疯狂历史和早期爆红的喜剧整蛊片段。在追忆拉尔菲·梅（Ralphie May）与帕特里斯·奥尼尔（Patrice O'Neal）等业内传奇的同时，嘉宾们赞许了同行阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shaffir）不落窠臼的职业生涯，并展望了即将在新奥尔良举办的第十届Skankfest喜剧节。 医疗事故与药物生理依赖仍是医疗领域的重大隐患；器官移植规程要求维持活体循环血流而非死后尸体采集，这导致脑死亡判定周围存在诸多充满争议的伦理灰色地带。 (5:58) 电动假肢与机器人技术的进步预计将超越天然生物肢体，未来可能会促使追求更强身体机能的人群选择自主截肢。 (67:52) 喜剧行业格局已从传统广播电视的人为门槛与戏剧节交易，转向去中心化平台，独立创作者得以通过直接面向消费者的模式绕开企业广告审查。 (141:46) Skankfest喜剧节即将在新奥尔良迎来十周年，该活动坚持不设传统行业VIP通道，并强调无审查、禁用手机的现场体验，以此捍卫其独特的品牌定位。 (160:38)

Joe Rogan and the hosts of Legion of Skanks evaluate the mechanics of comedic independence, contrasting corporate sanitization with direct-to-consumer models while examining systemic dysfunctions across medicine, technology, and human behavior. Media Sanitization and the Independent Comedy Playbook (137:46) The panel examines the sharp contrast between corporate media compromise and creator independence. Joe Rogan and the comics reflect on Howard Stern's evolution from an uninhibited shock jock into an establishment-friendly interviewer, attributing the shift in part to the lack of early internet pushback and the subsequent weaponization of online outrage. Rogan contends that public figures who adopt hyper-moral or 'woke' personas often do so to conceal problematic archives. By contrast, Luis J. Gomez explains that Legion of Skanks insulated itself from cancellation by branding early as 'the most offensive podcast on earth' and building their subscription platform, Gas Digital, bypassing corporate advertisers entirely. This commitment to creative autonomy is exemplified by Ari Shaffir's career. Big Jay Oakerson and Gomez praise Shaffir for rejecting algorithm-driven production cycles and industry expectations, such as abruptly stepping away from comedy for months to travel. Rogan and the group highlight unvarnished, uncensored events like Skankfest—including its smartphone-banned Naked Roast Battle—as rare holdouts of authentic counterculture that resist the sanitized compromises of modern comedy festivals. Professional Credentialing and Medical Gray Areas (3:09) The conversation turns to widespread competence disparities within licensed professions. The hosts observe an ironic inversion in American credentialing: while lax regulations allow underqualified commercial semi-truck drivers and graduates from offshore Caribbean medical schools to practice high-stakes trades, bureaucratic relicensing locks out fully qualified foreign doctors, relegating former spinal surgeons to driving cabs. Rogan and Oakerson also scrutinize the moral hazards embedded in the organ transplant industry. Because viable organs must be harvested immediately after circulation ceases, Rogan highlights the conflicting financial and procedural incentives doctors face when deciding whether to prioritize full resuscitation or initiate organ recovery. This skepticism is reinforced by anecdotes of disputed brain-death diagnoses, including a Texas incident where a father used a firearm to barricade his son's ICU room against police, delaying the withdrawal of life support until the son squeezed his hand and subsequently made a full recovery. Automotive Engineering, Road Rage, and Autonomous Fleets (97:38) Analyzing everyday aggression behind the wheel, Rogan breaks down the physiology of road rage, explaining that operating heavy machinery at high speeds places the nervous system in a baseline state of high alertness. Consequently, minor slights like erratic lane drifting trigger immediate, disproportionate fight-or-flight reactions. Oakerson and Steve Rannazzisi admit to the irrational compulsion to pursue offensive drivers under the guise of vigilante justice, even on narrow mountain corridors. The hosts also critique modern automotive design, with Rogan targeting Tesla's removal of physical turn-signal stalks and steering-hub horns in favor of touchscreen gestures and thumb buttons. Turning to autonomous driving, Rogan praises Tesla's camera-based Full Self-Driving neural network for navigating late-night commutes, contrasting its standalone processing with Waymo's centralized LiDAR architecture. Rogan and the panel note that Waymo fleets have stalled entire intersections during network dropouts and inadvertently driven into an active Austin police shootout, demonstrating the systemic vulnerabilities of centralized grid reliance. Survival Instincts, Physical Trauma, and Extreme Phenomena (41:32) The discussion delves into biological vulnerability, survival adaptations, and extreme physical traumas. Examining violent animal encounters, the hosts review a five-minute otter assault on a Reno swim instructor that required 38 stitches, alongside the phenomenon of capture myopathy in suburban deer. Rogan notes that intense fear and prolonged struggle trigger acute metabolic acidosis and fatal organ breakdown in cervids, explaining why captured or net-tangled animals often drop dead hours after rescue. Rogan traces his own desensitized gag reflex to his tenure hosting Fear Factor, where consuming raw sheep eyeballs and live Madagascar hissing cockroaches proved that disgust is primarily psychological. This exploration of the body under duress concludes with gruesome accounts of the illicit EunuchMaker website—a paid ring involving extreme voluntary genital amputations—and commercial cosmetic surgeries, contrasting the limits of human resilience against fringe algorithmic subcultures. The conversation exposes a foundational skepticism toward centralized institutions—ranging from commercial broadcasters and licensing authorities to autonomous fleet infrastructure—arguing that creative autonomy, unvarnished honesty, and personal vigilance remain the most effective defenses against institutional and technological failure.

Joe Rogan 与 Legion of Skanks 播客成员深入探讨了职业认证与医疗干预中的制度漏洞、人与自然及道路环境中的生理应激机制，并回顾了从传统电台恶搞到当代独立订阅制喜剧生态的演变历程。 医疗资质漏洞与器官捐赠道德风险 (3:09) 对话探讨了多行业专业资质门槛的失衡现象，例如加勒比离岸医学院较低的准入淘汰机制，以及未经充分培训的商业卡车司机对道路安全构成的严重隐患；与此同时，海外训练有素的医学专家移民美国后却面临繁重的再认证行政壁垒。在重症急救领域，医疗诊断与生命维持决策存在主观裁量风险。对话援引德克萨斯州一名父亲的真实案例：因拒绝院方切断脑死亡儿子的生命支持，该父亲持枪封锁病房数小时为抢救争取时间，最终儿子成功苏醒并康复。 针对人体器官捐赠，Rogan 指出公众普遍误以为器官可在停尸房存置数小时后再回收，但实际流程要求血液循环停止后立即介入。这种时效压力引发了道德风险担忧，即在患者救治与器官快速摘除之间可能产生潜在利益冲突，促使部分喜剧演员重新审视自己驾照上的器官捐献协议。此外，对话还延伸至极端身体改造与网络非法自残网站的灰色利益链条。 野生动物冲突与捕获性肌病病理 (47:15) 针对人与野生动物的接触冲突，对话援引内华达州雷诺市一名游泳教练遭遇水獭长达五分钟残暴攻击、最终缝合38针并接受狂犬病疫苗的记录，进而讨论了面对水栖或林间掠食者时的物理压制与自卫技巧。 Steve Rannazzisi 讲述了自家后院棒球打击网缠住野鹿的险情，引出动物医学中的“捕获性肌病”（Capture Myopathy，又称劳力性肌病）。当鹿等有蹄类动物遭受极度恐慌和长时间剧烈挣扎时，体内会发生严重的骨骼肌溶解、代谢性酸中毒及体温过高，导致器官不可逆衰竭，即便成功获释，动物也常在数小时或数天内因心脏骤停或急性肾衰竭毙命。嘉宾们进一步讨论了车辆与鹿、麋鹿碰撞时击穿挡风玻璃对驾驶员造成的致命撞击风险。 路怒心理机制与自动驾驶技术权衡 (97:38) Rogan 分析了路怒症的生理基础，指出驾驶员高速操控重型机械时，神经系统基线紧张度已处于高度警觉状态，车道偏离或恶意加塞会瞬间触发剧烈的战斗或逃跑反应；对话提及纽约市为遏制攻击性鸣笛，对非防灾用途的按喇叭行为制定了800至2500美元的罚款规定。在汽车工业设计上，Rogan 批评特斯拉取消实体转向拨杆、将喇叭改成方向盘边缘按钮等过度数字化的改进。 在自动驾驶领域，Rogan 分享了依靠特斯拉全自动驾驶（FSD）完成夜间通勤的便利，同时对比了特斯拉纯视觉神经网络路线与 Waymo 依赖高精地图和激光雷达（LiDAR）的架构。对话强调了 Waymo 系统在网络断开或突发警匪封锁现场时容易陷入调度瘫痪的局限。针对电动汽车实用性，嘉宾们肯定了动能回收系统大幅降低刹车损耗的优势，但也指出电池衰减与海外中国品牌（如比亚迪）因贸易壁垒无法进入美国市场的现实。 震撼电台遗产与独立喜剧订阅模式 (137:46) 对话剖析了公众人物在舆论压力下通过转向道德纯洁化来规避过往争议的现象，并追溯了《The Opie & Anthony Show》时期的恶俗电台杂耍文化。面对社交媒体兴起后的取消文化与粉丝群体反噬，Luis J. Gomez 介绍了《Legion of Skanks》的破局经验：及早将节目品牌确立为“地球上最具冒犯性的播客”，让受众形成明确预期，并通过自建 Gas Digital 平台绕开传统企业广告赞助，依靠忠实付费订阅用户保障财务独立与创作自由。 嘉宾们盛赞了 Ari Shaffir 拒绝屈从算法指标与大型场馆诱惑、坚持长途旅行与自主生活的生活方式，将其视为职业成功的真正标准。节目的尾声推介了即将迎来十周年并在新奥尔良收官的 Skankfest 喜剧节，称其凭借无审查裸体吐槽对决等核心活动，保留了独立现场娱乐最纯粹的狂欢传统。 本期对话展现了独立喜剧从业者在解构现代医疗、技术垄断与公共道德规范时的敏锐直觉，但诸多观点仍依赖于轶事经验和个人反思。对话揭示的核心矛盾在于：随着主流平台审查机制与资本控制日趋严密，依靠边缘化和激进冒犯起家的创作者能否长期通过闭环订阅社区维持其表达自治。

## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:12](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=12s) 喜剧舞台上的重口味恶搞与妇科医生的职业心理 节目一开场，乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）与嘉宾们便聊起了单口喜剧圈里的一段奇葩传奇：资深喜剧演员鲍勃·莱维（Bob Levy）在台上表演“从别人屁股里吃沙拉酱”的低俗恶搞，并且一演就是整整20年。大家调侃这种表演需要何等过人的胆量，罗根指出莱维甚至从未失手过，从来没有哪晚临场退缩说“今晚还是把沙拉酱封着吧”。这随即引发了一阵关于卫生的爆笑吐槽：众人猜测他到底得过多少次红眼病（结膜炎），断言他绝对是医疗记录里的“头号红眼病患者”。 谈话顺势拐向了心理预期与现实的巨大落差。嘉宾们笑称，莱维当初构思这个段子时的心态，就像很多男人选择当妇科医生一样——天真地以为诊所里每天进进出出的都会是身材火辣、主动展示身体的年轻美女，结果现实中却不得不面对各种大码费城大妈。罗根进一步分析了这种职业带来的心理扭曲：就像交警每天拦下的全是对自己撒谎的违法者一样，整天只跟出毛病的器官打交道的人，慢慢就会觉得全天下所有人都坏掉了，因为健康的“完美标本”根本不会特意跑进诊室问医生“看看我这里是不是依然完美”。大家甚至好奇，在那么多复杂的医学领域里，到底是什么样的人才会主动挑中这个专科。 - 鲍勃·莱维（Bob Levy）在长达20年的喜剧演出中将“臀部吃沙拉酱”作为保留曲目，现场从未发生过临场放弃的情况。 - 罗根在探讨职业偏见时评论道：“You just assume everybody's [fucked] up cuz you're only dealing with like mostly broken people.”（你只会觉得每个人都有毛病，因为你接触的大多都是出了问题的人。） --- ### [01:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=92s) 医疗事故、医生滥用药物与各行各业的“半吊子” 话题由此深入到医学界的阴暗面与医生的行为失控。罗根提到，由于拥有处方权且能相互开药，很多医生私底下都存在严重的药物滥用问题。他以自己的一位医生朋友为例，对方整天依赖各种药物，“遇到这个问题吃一片，遇到那个问题吃一片”。罗根引用了乔尔·瓦拉赫（Joel Wallach）的著作《死人不说谎》（*Dead Doctors Don't Lie*），该书不仅强调营养补充才是健康的根基而非盲目看病，还披露了许多医生在手术进行过程中因嗑药过量而暴毙的惊人秘闻。众人感叹，医疗过失和手术意外其实早已成为人类死亡原因的前几名。 这种不靠谱延伸到了令人发指的严重医疗事故上。一位嘉宾分享了身边朋友的真实经历：该朋友的妻子去医院做肾脏切除手术，主刀医生竟然切除了完好无损的那个健康肾脏，直到手术做完才察觉，直接引发了一场巨额医疗诉讼。类似切错腿、摘错器官的荒唐事屡见不鲜。众人感慨，医生群体其实与社会上其他工种别无二致——就像路上多得是开得奇烂却依然揣着驾照的司机，或者盖房时手艺极其粗劣的木匠一样，很多人之所以能干这一行，仅仅是因为他们“敢硬着头皮去干”，而根本不在乎技术到底有多蹩脚。 - 乔尔·瓦拉赫（Joel Wallach）所著的《死人不说谎》（*Dead Doctors Don't Lie*）揭露了多起医生在手术台上突发药物过量致死的极端案例。 - 医疗过失（Malpractice）与手术并发症已成为全美排名前列的高发致死原因之一（被称为第三大死因）。 - 罗根总结这种行业普遍存在的平庸与失职现象时强调：“It's like everything else, man. There's guys who are shitty drivers, but they still have a license, you know?”（就像其他所有事情一样，伙计，有的人开车烂透了，但他们手里照样拿着驾照，懂吧？） --- ### [03:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=216s) 资质门槛、出租车司机神话与持枪守卫昏迷儿子的父亲 嘉宾们接着探讨起专业资质的水分。无论是法律界还是医学界，只要能混过及格线，哪怕成绩全是“C”，毕业出来照样是合法的医生或律师；更有不少人会钻空子前往巴哈马群岛等加勒比离岸医学院混取文凭。席间有人将此与民间常见的“开出租车的外国外科医生”段子相比，罗根则严肃指出两者不可混为一谈：外国专业医生来美需要经历漫长而严苛的资格认证和重新考核，但商业货车驾驶领域却大门敞开，许多缺乏资质的人轻易拿到了商业驾驶资格，导致近年来发生了多起死伤惨重的恶性卡车车祸。 随后，对话转向了一桩极具戏剧张力的人伦与医疗冲突真实事件：一位成年儿子因故陷入深度昏迷，医院经过评估后认为其已无救治希望，准备强行拔除生命维持系统。然而深信儿子仍有一线生机的父亲断然拒绝妥协。为了阻止医生拔管，这位父亲持枪闯入病房，与荷枪实弹赶来的警察展开了长达整整两天的武装对峙。令人震惊的是，在对峙期间，处于昏迷中的儿子竟然真的奇迹般苏醒了过来。尽管那位父亲后来因此入狱服刑约一年，但他用孤注一掷的极端手段确确实实挽救了亲生骨肉的生命。 - 离岸医学院（如巴哈马等地学校）往往门槛极低，学生即使门门功课拿 C 也能毕业执业。 - 外国医生赴美必须通过漫长严谨的执业许可程序，无法直接将海外行医资质转换为美国医生身份。 - 谈到那位持枪与警方对峙的父亲，嘉宾动情地引述其立场道：“And then the dad was like, 'No, I can tell he's still there's something left there. He's not going to die.'”（然后那位父亲就说：“不，我能感觉出来他还有一口气在，他不会死的。”） --- ### [05:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=305s) 遗体痉挛的怪异现象与活体器官捐献的伦理困境 由“死而复生”的话题发散，嘉宾们提到了网络上广为流传的各种怪异人体反弹现象。有人提起女演员安·海切（Anne Heche）车祸后的救援录像：当时她浑身重伤被装在担架运走，中途遗体包裹下却突然像活人一样弹坐起来，随后又被急救人员按了回去，引发了网络上各种阴谋论。众人指出，太平间和急救中常有死者因神经肌肉僵直或气体释放而出现肢体突然抬起、痉挛的生理现象，甚至偶有心跳极其微弱而被误诊为死亡、送进太平间后又苏醒过来的极端案例。 更引人深思的是罗根随后抛出的器官捐献残酷内幕。大部分公众以为死后捐献器官是等彻底断气数小时后由医院取走，但实际上器官一旦缺氧便会迅速坏死失效；要获取可移植的健康器官，供体在摘取手术进行时体内必须依然保持血液和氧气灌注。换言之，许多器官捐献是在患者被判定为“脑死亡”、肉体尚存生机的状态下活体摘取的。这带来了巨大的医学伦理黑洞：究竟由谁来最终拍板认定一个人“救不活了”？罗根直言，现实中多次发生过家属拼死拒绝放弃、最终濒死病人成功康复并存活的案例，而当时医院原本已经急于判定死亡并启动器官摘取程序，以便将匹配的器官移给另一位等待的患者。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 器官捐献判定与移植时效流程 accDescr: 展示患者在濒死与脑死亡判定下，维持氧气循环以进行器官活体摘取并进入冷藏保存的移植流程。 subgraph Evaluation ["医院生命体征判定"] A["重症/濒死患者"] --> B{"是否判定为脑死亡？"} B -->|"家属拒绝/生命维持"| C["偶发奇迹苏醒案例"] B -->|"判定脑死亡并同意捐献"| D["维持机体氧气与血液灌注"] end subgraph Harvesting ["活体摘取与冷缺血"] D --> E["在活体循环状态下切取器官"] E --> F["冷保存（Cold Preservation）处理"] end subgraph Transplant ["受体移植"] F --> G["在严格的时间窗口内植入受体"] end ``` - 安·海切（Anne Heche）在经历严重车祸撞入民宅后，其担架转运画面曾因身体突然坐起而引发网络广泛热议与过度解读。 - 遗体在停尸房或濒死时可能因神经肌肉残余电位反应或僵直，出现手臂猛然抬起等类似诈尸的生理反射。 - 遗体如果完全停止心跳两小时以上，其主要脏器会因严重缺氧坏死而失去移植价值；因此大部分捐献手术必须在患者维持机械呼吸循环（供氧未断）的前提下切除。 - 罗根指出了潜在的利益与伦理冲突：“The question is who makes the call? And there have been times where people said no, you're not going to do this and then the person survives where they wanted to make the call and start harvesting organs.”（问题在于到底由谁来做决定？曾经有好些时候，家属坚决说‘不，你们不能这么做’，结果在医院原本打算做决定摘取器官的情况下，那个人最终活了下来。） ### [07:51](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=471s) 器官捐献背后的灰色地带与健康忧虑 谈话从器官移植的医学时限切入。Joe Rogan 指出，人体被宣告死亡后，未恢复血液循环的器官与医生立刻取出并保存的器官存在巨大差别；若在心脏停止跳动的瞬间迅速摘取，器官多半还能使用，但那种“人彻底死透送进太平间后还能取器官”的观念完全是误解。这一解释引发了喜剧演员们对“器官捐献者”身份的信任危机。有人直言自己曾登记成为器官捐献者，原本以为只是车祸身亡后发挥余热，但现在不得不怀疑：一旦医生知道你是器官捐献者，当你有生命危险时，他们是否还会全力以赴抢救？ 众人半开玩笑地表示恨不得把驾照上的捐献者标志刮掉。虽然并非恶意揣测医护人员，但只要医疗流程中存在巨大经济利益，就会滋生出极具主观裁量的灰色空间。“They can make a decision whether or not you live or die and they might be wrong,” Joe Rogan 强调，哪怕医生 99 次判断正确，但只要有 1 次看走眼，而那个人恰好是你挚爱的亲人，代价便不可承受。随后话题被带入自嘲模式：众人调侃若是为了救别人而不得不拿走自己的器官，受捐者恐怕只会拿到一颗脂肪肝、一颗散发着万宝路烟味且肥大的心脏，或者一双满是死皮的脚，手术医生甚至得先清洗才能勉强植入。 - **器官摘取的即时性**：心脏停跳瞬间迅速干预是保证器官可用的关键，而非送入停尸房后再处理。 - **利益与决策的冲突**：当救治生存概率与获取移植器官之间存在经济或制度考量时，极易产生主观误判的风险。 --- ### [09:27](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=567s) 双肺移植的生存代价与 Ben Askren 的濒死经历 话题从器官玩笑转向真实的器官移植后遗症。有人分享自己妹夫（brother-in-law）的真实遭遇——他体内移植了两只属于别人的肺。此前 Shane Gillis 在费城林肯金融球场（Lincoln Financial Field）演出时，全家人都前去捧场，唯独这位妹夫无法到场。原因是当时加拿大森林大火引发的严重雾霾飘至当地，对于双肺移植患者而言，吸入那种浓烟无异于自寻死路。更残酷的现实是，接受器官移植后终身必须服用免疫抑制剂（抗排异药物），这在某种程度上相当于人为诱发了类似免疫缺陷的状态，即使是普通的小咳嗽都可能演变为长达数月的生死关头。 Joe Rogan 随后提及了前综合格斗冠军、知名摔跤手 Ben Askren 的惊险经历。Askren 曾因肺部严重感染导致肺组织坏死腐烂，他一开始坚决抗拒就医，幸亏妻子极力劝说才前往医院。医生检查后震惊地发现他的肺部已经被侵蚀出孔洞，随时可能丧命，最终不得不为这位正值壮年的顶尖运动员紧急实施了双肺移植手术。听到这里，在座的喜剧演员直言自己的疑病症（hypochondria）瞬间发作，仿佛当场就能感知到自己的肺部正在穿孔。接着众人聊到现代全脸移植（face transplant）技术的突飞猛进，但同时也伴随着失去自身面容、甚至失去眼球等残酷的生存心理挑战。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 肺部重症感染与移植后生存风险 accDescr: 展示了从严重肺部感染到紧急双肺移植，再到长期服用免疫抑制剂所面临的生活风险流程。 subgraph AcuteCrisis["急性发病阶段"] A["肺部严重感染 / 组织腐烂坏死"] --> B["未能及时就诊导致病情恶化"] B --> C["检查发现肺部穿孔，濒临死亡"] end subgraph Intervention["手术干预"] C --> D["紧急实施双肺移植手术"] end subgraph LongTermCare["术后终身风险"] D --> E["终身服用抗排异免疫抑制剂"] E --> F["极端环境脆弱性<br/>(如加拿大山火雾霾)"] E --> G["免疫力极度低下<br/>(轻微感染即可能致命)"] end ``` --- ### [11:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=700s) 荒诞的死亡说辞与天主教丑闻的制度化包庇 在讨论生死与上帝的决定权时，有人提到了摔角巨星 Hulk Hogan 的荒谬往事。当年 Hogan 的儿子驾车发生惨烈车祸（以超高时速撞树），导致同车的友人 John 伤重身亡。在狱中通话时，Hogan 为了安慰儿子，竟对儿子说不知那位朋友到底做错了什么得罪了上帝，才招致如此神罚。众人吐槽这种解读《圣经》的方式极其荒谬，明明是自己的儿子超速飙车害死了同伴，却怪对方没按时做祈祷、没吃维生素、或者是肱二头肌没练到 20 英寸，这本该是一句真诚的“为你朋友的离世感到难过”就能解决的事。 接着众人提起网上一段神父在宣讲时被倒塌的十字架砸死的诡异视频，并顺势切入了天主教神职人员的系统性丑闻。在公众认知中，天主教神父往往与猥亵儿童丑闻不可分割地联系在一起。针对这一现象的讨论揭示了教会历史上触目惊心的系统性包庇机制：从 20 世纪 80、90 年代起，教会面对涉案神父的惯常做法并非移送司法，而是像处理体操队违规教练一样，在全国各教区之间暗中轮换调动。Joe Rogan 提到了揭露这一丑闻的纪录片《Hear and Now》（此处指代曝光虐待聋哑儿童丑闻的相关纪录片）： > “A lot of these guys before, you know, when they're moving up the ranks, one of the jobs is you take a Catholic priest that's been molesting kids and you move them.” 这些神父被悄悄转移到偏远地区或聋哑儿童学校等防御能力更弱的环境中，甚至连后来退位的前教宗本笃十六世（原名 Ratzinger）也曾卷入过隐瞒此类丑闻的指控之中。 --- ### [15:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=903s) 流行文化档案中的种族主义历史印记 借由“无论走到哪里，你都摆脱不了自己”这句调侃，话题跳转到了美国经典儿童文学与老派流行文化中残留的种族主义偏见。有人提到在圣迭戈的美国喜剧俱乐部演出期间，曾参观过一个苏斯博士（Dr. Seuss）的艺术展，结果赫然发现其早期插画中包含大量明显的种族歧视元素。 Joe Rogan 随后指出了早期好莱坞动画片（如《乐一通》和华纳兄弟动画）中的类似黑历史。例如在 20 世纪 30 年代版本的经典童话动画中，大灰狼敲门的情节里，大灰狼揭下面具后原本刻画的是极具偏见的犹太人刻板形象面孔，直到后来才在重制版中被替换成普通狼的形象。众人感慨在二战爆发前，这种针对特定族裔的歧视性刻画居然能堂而皇之地出现在面向儿童的动画片中。最后，大家还回忆起经典情景喜剧《家有仙妻》（Bewitched）中令人瞠目结舌的反种族主义特辑：剧中为了让一名种族主义角色意识到偏见的荒谬，女主角通过动鼻子的魔法让这名角色眼中的所有人都变成黑人，为此剧组竟然让包括小孩在内的全剧白人演员通通涂上了涂黑脸（blackface）浓妆，用如今的视角来看显得荒诞且魔幻。 ### [16:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=998s) 涂黑脸的争议与老派摔角的滑稽往事 对话从如今关于种族和肤色的禁忌话题切入。大家感叹现在连扮演不同种族都成了一件人人自危的事，而在二十世纪八九十年代，小孩万圣节扮个黑人篮球明星根本没人上纲上线。如今只要当年的涂黑脸（Blackface）照片被翻出来——比如加拿大总理贾斯汀·特鲁多（Justin Trudeau）——当事人就会陷入恐慌。众人回顾了过去影视剧中带有的反种族歧视隐喻（如情景喜剧《家有仙妻》*Bewitched* 中的片段），当时观众都能领会其中的善意，而如今整个舆论环境却被规训到了草木皆兵的地步。 席间还提到了经典的涂黑脸旧事，包括特德·丹森（Ted Danson）当年在吐槽大会上的丑闻，以及摔角传奇“吵闹”罗迪·派珀（"Rowdy" Roddy Piper）在《摔角狂热 6》（WrestleMania VI）对阵“坏消息”布朗（Bad News Brown）时，将半边身体涂成全黑出场的大胆举动。大家调侃“涂半身黑算不算违规”。Big Jay Oakerson 随后自嘲道，前几年在《Naked Roast》后台，他本来把下半身涂黑了，正打算涂黑脸时，恰好碰上黑人女脱口秀演员雅玛妮卡（Yamanika Saunders）路过，他当场吓得收手：“我当时正开始往脸上抹，雅玛妮卡正好走过来，我心里一咯噔，‘呃，这绝对不是个好主意’，于是我就没敢抹了。” 大家接着区分了“涂棕脸（Brownface）”与早期滑稽戏（Minstrel show）中阿尔·乔尔森（Al Jolson）那种漆黑底色加夸张白嘴唇的“真正黑脸”，认为现代人把两者一刀切地视为同等恶劣有些极端。随后 Luis J. Gomez 抛出一个荒谬的思想实验：如果你出了车祸急需器官移植，医生只提供一个黑人的器官，你要不要？Steve Rannazzisi 毫不犹豫地回答：“是的，我当然会接受。这算什么问题。”随后众人进一步假设：如果有白人和黑人的心脏供你挑选呢？Steve 直言：“告诉我这些人平时都干了什么。他们每天吃水果蔬菜、拼命锻炼吗？把那个健康的给我，不管是黑人还是白人，100% 要健康的那颗。”大家笑称，哪怕那黑人哥们从不锻炼，身材可能也比拼命举铁的白人要好。 - 80、90 年代万圣节扮装黑人名人极为普遍，如今旧照曝光常引发严重公关危机。 - 罗迪·派珀在 Wrestlemania 6 比赛中将身体纵向分半涂黑对决 Bad News Brown。 - 早期黑脸秀（如 Al Jolson 时代）采用的是纯黑焦油状颜料，具有历史侮辱性。 --- ### [20:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1204s) 双重标准与政治网红的追悼会闹剧 谈话随即转到文化领域的双重标准上。大家指出黑人演员涂白脸（Whiteface）完全不受指责，比如韦恩斯兄弟的经典喜剧电影《小姐好白》（*White Chicks*），不仅大受欢迎，哪怕现在拍第二部也不会有人抗议。众人打趣说如果反过来拍一部《黑妞》（*Black Chicks*），“如果你真的够大胆，那题材可太有搞头了”。 接着，话题转向了网络政治舆论的荒唐现象。大家聊到了搞笑博主 Truski 恶搞埃里卡·柯克（Erica Kirk）的段子，结果右翼网民彻底破防。在讨论网络极端粉丝的反应时，有人犀利地指出：“你知道，那些智商最低、极右翼的蠢蛋，他们整个人生认同感全靠在网上当 MAGA 狂热分子，不管你搞什么内容，他们就会刷屏狂骂‘操你，你这个叛徒！操 Truski，我再也不看他了！’” 众人接着吐槽了埃里卡在其丈夫遭遇不幸后的那场追悼会。丈夫因枪击身亡仅仅一周后，她的追悼会入场式却宛如巨星演唱会：身后喷着冷烟花，身穿闪亮亮片裤，迈着类似 1977 年齐柏林飞艇（Led Zeppelin）乐队登场的浮夸步伐，大家调侃现场差一首《The Final Countdown》当背景音乐。虽然大家理解痛失亲人、目睹惨剧后可能会服用镇静类药物导致神志飘忽，但把悼念办成“十六岁成人礼舞会（Sweet 16）”的场面，依然催生了网上大量搞笑梗图。 - 电影《小姐好白》（*White Chicks*）被视为涂白脸在流行文化中完全被接纳的典型例证。 - 网络极右翼政治社群面对恶搞视频往往反应极度激进化，动辄扣上“叛徒”帽子。 - 埃里卡·柯克在纪念仪式上使用冷烟花、亮片装造型登场，成为全网热梗。 --- ### [22:21](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1341s) 死亡遗愿、婚姻哲学与骨灰骗局 埃里卡夸张的追悼会引发了大家关于自己死后葬礼的探讨。Steve Rannazzisi 透露自己曾跟妻子极其认真地讨论过这一问题，他对妻子在自己死后的悲恸程度有着病态的硬性要求：“不，我指望她完全悲痛欲绝、痛不欲生，整天穿着黑衣、戴着面纱，我想要的就是这种程度的痛苦与哀伤。”他甚至要求妻子在他死后五六个月内连家门都不能迈出一步，更绝不允许再找新男人。Luis 随即反问，要是妻子先发生不幸呢？Steve 立刻切换双标模式，理直气壮地承认自己绝受不了孤独，第二天就会重新寻觅伴侣，因为他“天生需要陪伴”，但女方必须为他守寡终身。 随后，话题延伸到了死后的处理方式。有人表示自己对遗体毫无留恋，“人死如灯灭，烧了完事”。但众人一致揭露了火葬行业的暗箱操作：家属拿到的骨灰根本不是单一死者的纯净骨灰。Luis 分享了自家给宠物狗火化的惨痛经历：殡葬机构明确告知，普通火化会混入其他狗的骨灰，除非额外加钱才能进行单炉独立火化；然而即便是加了钱，最后盒子里送回来的也不是纯粉末，而是一堆碎骨头渣子，令人触目惊心。 关于绿色生态葬法，有人提到如今流行的“树葬胶囊”——将遗体置于特制胶囊中埋在树根下当作养分，大家认为这想法很好，甚至应该推广为国家公园的殡葬标准，可惜目前的商业树葬收费高得离谱。紧接着，Joe Rogan 提出了他心目中最震撼的葬礼仪式——藏族的天葬（Tibetan Sky Funeral）。他详细描述了高山天葬师的操作：将逝者遗体运往山顶，天葬师把骨肉砍砸成小块，而在周围早已被驯化的秃鹫大军则盘旋俯冲，群起将尸块吞食殆尽。对于当地人来说，这是一种既合理又顺应自然的终极轮回。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 遗体处理方式对比 accDescr: 流程图展示了对话中讨论的三种遗体处理方式及其细节特征。 subgraph BurialMethods["遗体处置方式与现实反馈"] direction TB Cremation["常规/宠物火葬"] TreePod["树葬胶囊 (Eco Pod)"] SkyFuneral["藏式天葬 (Sky Funeral)"] end Cremation -->|"行业内幕"| CrIssue["骨灰混合、碎骨残留，单独火化加收高价"] TreePod -->|"理想与现实"| TreeIssue["理念环保但商业要价极高，难以普及"] SkyFuneral -->|"原始循环"| SkyIssue["天葬师肢解尸骨，驯化秃鹫群落吞食散归自然"] ``` - 火葬服务通常会将炉膛内遗留的残渣混同装罐，无法保证骨灰成分的独立纯粹。 - 宠物独立火化需额外支付高昂费用，成品中经常含有未完全氧化的骨骼碎片。 - 西藏天葬习俗由天葬师在山顶将死者骨肉分解，供给当地驯养习惯的秃鹫群啄食。 ### [25:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1518s) 天葬传统与人性的极端考验 对话由西藏天葬的生死哲学切入。众人探讨了在自然法则中，肉体在死后被自然吸收、重归天地的概念。Joe Rogan 与嘉宾们聊到，负责肢解尸体的人必须具备极其冷酷、近乎《嗜血法医》（*Dexter*）主角般的心理素质。Joe Rogan 则指出，对当地人而言这只是一种古老传统：“The person's gone, and what you're going to do is just sacrifice them to nature. And isn't it better if it feeds these animals that are important for the ecosystem?”（人已经走了，你要做的不过是把他们献祭给自然。把尸体喂给生态系统中至关重要的动物，难道不是一件好事吗？）。当被问及若为了遵从逝者遗愿，自己是否有胆量亲手肢解死者肢体时，Luis J. Gomez 毫不犹豫地回答自己能做到，尽管绝不愿意将其施加在自己的至亲或妻子身上。 随后话题画风一转，众人调侃起不久前播客节目里连切鱼都搞不定的窘迫经历。Steve Rannazzisi 描述自己当时看了教学视频，以为胜券在握，结果一动手连鱼鳞都刮不下来；他逆着纹理胡乱下刀，刀法失控到差点把自己的手剁下来，最后整条鱼被切得稀烂，活像一盘生腌鱼生（ceviche），手里捧的全是内脏。 --- ### [26:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1590s) 海上独木舟烹饪网红与荒野极限 Joe Rogan 提到包船海钓时船员在颠簸海浪中飞速片鱼的神技，并向大家安利了一位让他着迷的夏威夷博主——账号名为 Sakana Syndicate。该博主独自划着独木舟出海，在汪洋大海正中央钓上活鱼后，直接在独木舟上掏出砧板、切刀、大蒜与香草，甚至架起炉头现场制作高级刺身拼盘（poke bowls）或热食料理。众人还顺带聊起了在阿塞拜疆冰雪森林的石头上野炊的烹饪网红（WildChef / Wilderness Cooking）。 看这些海钓视频时，Steve Rannazzisi 感叹隔着屏幕都感到恐惧，如果自己坐在那条活蹦乱跳的鱼对面，一定会当场吓得尖叫。Joe Rogan 也指出，在开阔海域漂浮其实险象环生，水下随时有虎鲨出没。大家还回顾了一段网络疯传的热门视频：一名独木舟钓客正挂着双脚垂钓，一条虎鲨猛然冲出水面狂咬独木舟的侧舷，险些咬掉钓客的脚。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 荒野烹饪与海上生存反差 accDescr: 对比夏威夷独木舟海上制作精致料理的从容与野外遭遇虎鲨的极度危险 subgraph OceanKayak["Sakana Syndicate 独木舟海上料理"] A["划独木舟入深海垂钓"] --> B["现场击晕/放血鲜鱼"] B --> C["铺开砧板与香草料"] C --> D["在摇晃舟上做刺身/生鱼饭"] end subgraph Hazards["真实海洋风险"] E["双腿悬垂水面"] --> F["虎鲨突袭撕咬船舷"] F --> G["稍有不慎即遭断肢"] end ``` - **Sakana Syndicate**：夏威夷独木舟独钓博主，以在大海中央当场宰杀活鱼并制作米其林级料理闻名。 - **Wilderness Cooking**：以在阿塞拜疆林海雪原中利用天然石块与篝火烹饪大型肉类而走红的网红频道。 - **虎鲨突袭事件**：真实网络视频中，虎鲨毫无征兆地跃出海面撕咬独木舟塑料侧舷，引得钓客惊魂尖叫。 --- ### [30:17](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1817s) 播客夏末大决斗：惨绝人寰的片鱼惨剧 Luis J. Gomez 解释了片鱼事件的来龙去脉：这是他们主持的播客为庆祝夏末举办的趣味竞技赛，比赛项目涵盖盲眼举呼啦圈让队友跨院扔橄榄球、跳水、以及片鱼竞速赛。当时现场播放了比赛录像，对手 Tristan Bowling 下刀凶狠，而 Steve Rannazzisi 更是手足无措。 看着屏幕上 Steve 惨不忍睹的表现，Joe Rogan 忍不住化身技术导师进行犀利点评：“Steve, what are you doing? Yeah, I mean, you're being too aggressive, dude. It's a more gentle process. First of all, one of the things you do is you start from the top of the back.”（Steve，你到底在干什么？你太粗暴了，老兄。片鱼是一个讲究温柔细腻的过程。首先，你得从鱼背部顶端下刀，顺着脊椎骨片过去，而不是从内脏满地的腹部下手）。桌上一团血肉模糊的残渣引来众人爆笑，被调侃简直像一场“碎尸凶案”和“西藏天葬现场”。 --- ### [32:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=1923s) 畏惧滑腻的现代人与鲈鱼钓后放生之争 Steve 与 Big Jay Oakerson 承认自己对处理活鱼毫无招架之力，Big Jay 坦言自己甚至从没徒手从鱼钩上摘下过一条鱼，连跟着 Bert Kreischer 巡演去海钓拍合影时，都只能戴着手套小心翼翼地拿手指指着鱼，生怕滑腻扭动的活物。Joe Rogan 表示这不过是习惯使然，如果真落入荒岛求生，任何人都能在一瞬间学会。 随后话题转向周日早间 CBS 经常转播的鲈鱼（bass）钓鱼大赛。Joe Rogan 对此表达了内心的伦理纠结：“Because they don't want to eat them. They're just fucking with these fish. They're just tricking them and then they're letting them go. It's fun. I've done it. I love doing it. I love bass fishing, don't get me wrong. But part of me is like, what are we doing here? We're not even eating these things.”（因为他们根本不想吃这些鱼。他们纯粹是在捉弄折磨它们，把鱼骗上钩然后又扔回去。虽然挺好玩我也爱钓，但内心深处总觉得：我们到底在干嘛？我们根本就不吃它们）。尽管过去人们会烹饪鲈鱼，但 Joe 提到如今内陆淡水鱼体内大多已经富集了令人担忧的“永久化学品”（PFAS），这也是现今鲈鱼钓捕普遍变成“钓后即放”（catch and release）的重要诱因之一。 ### [03:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=198s) 淡水鱼污染与海洋鱼类毒素 Joe Rogan 提到，在美国几乎所有的淡水湖泊中捕捞的鱼都受到了严重污染，体内积累了极高含量的 PFAS（全氟和多氟烷基物质）。他解释说，这些被统称为“永久化学物”的物质源自环境毒素、塑料以及空气中的污染物，它们随着雨水径流冲入湖泊。汽车滴落的机油、排水沟里残留的垃圾都会被雨水带入水体，而湖水缺乏水流交换，导致这些有毒物质在水体中长期留存并被鱼类富集。Joe 让 Jamie 用 Perplexity 搜索淡水鱼体内常见的环境毒素。嘉宾们调侃这是否像阿斯巴甜一样需要每天喝数百罐可乐才会超标，但 Joe 讲了一个真实的故事：户外达人 Steven Rinella 曾告诉他，有一名淡水鲈鱼钓鱼比赛选手，其日常饮食几乎完全由捕获的鲈鱼构成，最终身体彻底垮掉，检查证实就是环境毒素中毒。 搜索结果证实，淡水鱼容易富集汞（Mercury）、多氯联苯（PCBs）以及 PFAS。随后 Luis J. Gomez 分享了在波多黎各海钓的经历，当地向导告诉他们，超过一定尺寸的鱼绝对不能吃，因为大型礁石鱼类会捕食珊瑚礁底部的生物，体型越大的鱼累积的毒素越致命，只能放生。Joe 也讲述了自己在巴哈马群岛带女儿钓鱼的往事：向导说岛屿这一侧的梭鱼（Barracuda）可以食用，但另一侧的则有毒。Joe 当即质问：“我们怎么能确定这些鱼不会游来游去呢？”“所以我就没吃那条鱼。当时我觉得‘这他妈太让人发毛了’，因为那简直就是纯毒素。”为了女儿的安全，Joe 最终把鱼全部留给了当地向导。 - 淡水鱼主要污染物：汞、PCBs（多氯联苯）、PFAS（永久化学物），主要通过水体和食物链富集。 - 梭鱼等珊瑚礁鱼类存在雪卡毒素（Ciguatera）风险，体型越大的鱼体内积累的毒素通常越高。 --- ### [35:57](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2157s) 《行运超人》时期的极端饮食经历 对鱼类毒素的讨论引出了新话题，嘉宾询问 Joe Rogan 曾经吃过各种奇怪食物，他的心理底线到底在哪里。Joe 回忆起早年主持极限挑战节目《行运超人》（*Fear Factor*）的往事。他透露，在录制第一期节目时，为了鼓励那些内心恐惧的挑战者，他主动表示：“‘我对于你们必须做这种事感到很过意不去，所以我也来吃一个。’”于是他当场吞下了一颗羊眼球。Joe 评价说，吃羊眼球在物理上并没有那么可怕，主要是心理作用，“它其实就是肉而已”。 更为恶心的是在之后的节目中生吞马达加斯加发声蟑螂（Madagascar hissing cockroach）。那是一只巨大的活蟑螂，Joe 直接拿起来塞进嘴里咀嚼。他解释说，蟑螂本身几乎没有味道，但最折磨人的是当你咬破虫体外壳时，体液在口腔中四溅的感觉，心理上的恶心感才是最大的障碍。现场调出 Joe 年轻时在节目中生吞蟑螂的录像，逗得全场大笑，众人都感叹 Joe 当年年轻英俊且头发茂密。Joe 表示，原本自己在高中时听到别人呕吐自己也会跟着反胃，但《行运超人》彻底治好了他的反射性干呕，因为在现场他几乎每天都要面对别人呕吐的场景。 --- ### [37:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2252s) 野外求生节目的真假之争：贝爷与残面雷哥 谈到吃恶心虫子，Big Jay Oakerson 提到了贝尔·格里尔斯（Bear Grylls）在《荒野求生》（*Man vs. Wild*）中生吃巨大树蛆的经典病毒视频——蛆虫在嘴里爆浆喷满脸的画面让他至今难忘。大家随即聊起贝尔·格里尔斯节目的真实性争议，指出他白天在镜头前展示极限求生，晚上其实是住在附近的舒适酒店里。Joe 为贝尔进行了客观辩护：贝尔拥有英国特种空勤团（SAS）的真实背景，具备过硬的野外生存专业技能；他的节目定位是“示范教学”，向观众演示如何脱困。 Joe 对比了另一位知名生存专家莱斯·斯特劳德（Les Stroud，即《人在绝境》/ *Survivorman* 的主持人）。莱斯是真正独自一人在荒野中生存 7 天，身上没有任何摄影团队跟随，必须自己扛着多台摄影机往返摆放拍摄机位。经历几天断粮后，莱斯在镜头里肉眼可见地暴瘦、脱水，结束拍摄后甚至得直接送医抢救。据传制作公司曾试图按照流水线真人秀的方式给莱斯安排剧本（例如人工投放一头狮子来制造戏剧冲突），遭到莱斯的严正拒绝，制作方这才转而打造了贝尔的节目。Big Jay 开玩笑说，即便是作秀，贝尔也是真真切切地剥下蛇皮、往里面撒尿当围脖来防暑降温，“如果是普通人，既然能睡酒店，谁他妈会不睡啊”。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 荒野求生节目风格对比 accDescr: 比较贝尔与莱斯两位生存专家的节目录制模式 subgraph 示范类真人秀 BG["贝尔·格里尔斯 (Bear Grylls)"] --> B1["有随行摄影团队制作保障"] B1 --> B2["演示极端生存技能 (如挤出蛇皮尿液)"] B2 --> B3["拍摄结束后返回酒店休整"] end subgraph 硬核真实求生 LS["莱斯·斯特劳德 (Survivorman)"] --> L1["单人独行，自背摄影器材拍摄"] L1 --> L2["拒绝人工编排剧本与危险道具"] L2 --> L3["面临真实脱水、断粮甚至送医"] end ``` --- ### [39:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2366s) 《荒野独居》的残酷考验与水獭致命危机 众人接着讨论了另一档备受推崇的生存节目《荒野独居》（*Alone*）。该节目将多名选手分散扔进加拿大等高寒荒原深处，选手在完全孤立无援的环境下自建庇护所、猎捕食物。开赛时气温大约在 30 华氏度（约零下 1 摄氏度），到了第 60 天则骤降至 8 华氏度（约零下 13 摄氏度）。该节目最折磨人的是心理战——选手手中只有一部求救定位电话，他们根本不知道其他选手是否弃权，可能只剩两人，也可能还有十个人在死撑，最终坚持时间最长的人可以独揽大奖。 Joe 提到了他的朋友、曾做客 JRE 播客的《荒野独居》第七季冠军乔丹·乔纳斯（Jordan Jonas）。乔丹曾与西伯利亚原住民生活多年，放牧驯鹿，拥有顶尖的丛林生存能力。他在节目中携带一把弓箭猎杀了一头驼鹿，并用斧头正面对决杀死了一只试图偷取鹿肉脂肪的狼獾（Wolverine）。Joe 感慨在那种环境下如果发生意外，救援根本来不及：“‘如果那只狼獾突然反扑，哪怕只是咬住他的小腿、把他的跟腱彻底撕裂，导致腿部鲜血狂喷，百分之百等不到任何人赶到，他就已经失血过多而死了。’” 对话最后提到，虽然选手有紧急求救卫星电话，但从呼叫到直升机降落往往需要漫长的时间。有人提到几年前曾有女子在野外被水獭袭击致死的惨剧，大家分析指出，一旦野生动物咬穿了大腿内侧的股动脉，在没有止血带和紧急自救能力的情况下，伤者几分钟内就会失血死亡。 ### [41:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2492s) 水獭袭击与街头遭遇战 大家继续聊起水獭袭击人类的惊悚新闻。根据网上查到的报道，雷诺（Reno）一名认证游泳教练在例行晨泳时，突然遭遇一只水獭袭击。那只水獭以“宛如人类般的力量”抓住了她的腿并将其拖入水下，撕掉了她的泳镜，在长达约5分钟的时间里疯狂抓咬她的面部、鼻子、脸颊、腋窝和双腿。这名女子凭借游泳技巧爬上巨石才得以脱险，但水獭甚至一路尾随跟出水面并在岩石下方盘旋。这起袭击造成多处极深的咬伤与抓伤，最终缝了38针，并紧急注射了狂犬病与破伤风疫苗。 台上的喜剧演员们随即围绕“如何单挑一只水獭”展开搞笑讨论。有人叫嚣自己绝对能干翻水獭，嘲讽 Joe Rogan 经常高谈阔论怎样勒死美洲狮；也有人坦言如果在水里遭遇，自己根本分不清冲过来的是水獭还是海豹，更可能吓得拔腿狂奔直到双腿发软，然后直接认命受死。Joe Rogan 则从格斗控制的角度一本正经地传授应对技巧，强调必须像对付人一样实施控制： > “最重要的事情是控制。你必须控制住它的头，然后把那个混蛋按在地上，再用你的体重压住它，然后你就能杀了它。” 众人还看到另一则离谱新闻：一名女子在超市停车场被多达10只水獭围攻，被撕咬了四肢甚至后脑勺。大家原本以为水獭袭击都发生在水里，得知是在停车场被围攻后大呼荒谬。报道还提到，这名受害者一开始看到水獭时，甚至忍不住掏出手机录像，嘴里不停夸赞它们“太可爱了”，随即惨遭袭击。Joe 借此分享自己在犹他州的类似经历：某天夜里他在路边看到一只獾（Badger），兴冲冲下车拿手机想拍视频，结果那只獾突然炸毛鼓起身子，径直朝他大步逼近，吓得 Joe 像个小女孩一样惊慌失措地逃回皮卡车里。 ### [44:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2654s) 动物的城市适应与科罗拉多州的马鹿迁徙 话题从獾的胆量自然延伸到了城市动物对人类缺乏畏惧的现象。有人提到城市里的鸭子过马路时慢条斯理，所有车辆都得老老实实停下来等着，因为鸭子早就习惯了人类不会撞它们。Joe Rogan 指出，动物之所以不怕人，完全取决于人类是否对它们构成威胁；只要有人开枪打它们，它们立刻就会学会迅速逃跑。 Joe 举了科罗拉多州常青镇（Evergreen）以及博尔德（Boulder）周边地区的例子：当地每年都有一大群马鹿（Elk）直接穿过市中心大迁徙。居民早上出门上班时，经常能看到三四十头马鹿大摇大摆地堵在马路中央，甚至有视频记录了公鹿用犄角把挑衅路人的汽车轮胎直接扎爆。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 动物对人类环境的行为适应模式 accDescr: 展示人类威胁程度如何决定马鹿与野生动物在城市与野外的行为差异。 subgraph Urban["城市与居住区环境"] U1["禁止开枪打猎 / 人类投喂或让行"] --> U2["动物形成安全认知模式"] U2 --> U3["马鹿在街道漫步、啃食绿化、无视车辆"] end subgraph Wild["野外与狩猎区环境"] W1["合法狩猎季节 / 猎人追踪"] --> W2["动物保持高度警惕与野性"] W3["马鹿闻到人味立即狂奔逃离"] end ``` Joe 解释说，科罗拉多州拥有全美数量最庞大的马鹿种群，雄性马鹿体重可达800磅（约360公斤）。在城镇街道上，雌鹿和鹿群可以悠然自得地在路边停歇，甚至脖子上还戴着科研追踪项圈；但只要一进山，它们就会变得极其精明，稍有风吹草动或闻到人类气味便会瞬间逃之夭夭。 - 科罗拉多州对马鹿狩猎有着严格的配额管理（Tag 系统），猎人需要抽签或购买狩猎许可。 - 狩猎季节分为不同阶段：通常9月为早秋的弓猎季（Archery Season），仅允许使用弓箭；随后是步枪狩猎季，最后还会有晚期弓猎季。 ### [46:44](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2804s) 鹿卡在打击笼里与“捕获性肌病” 围绕居住区的鹿患，众人展开了更接地气的吐槽。长岛（Long Island）由于属于居民住宅区，法律禁止使用枪支猎鹿，当地甚至有人用十字弩偷猎鹿，结果射出的弩箭直接飞进了邻居家的房子。Steve Rannazzisi 激动地抱怨鹿总是跑到他家院子里吃他种的绣球花，恨不得拿棒球棍将它们暴打一顿。 随后 Steve 分享了一件发生在自家的荒唐事：他在自家院子里建了一个棒球击打笼（Batting Cage），某天一头鹿的鹿角被紧紧缠在了防打网上。当时他正在丹佛巡演，妻子吓得魂飞魄散并报了警。赶到现场的女警官看了一眼后表示搞不定，必须等待男性警察支援。接着一名男警察赶到，上前抓住鹿的脖子将其按倒，并在剪网前特意提醒 Steve 的妻子：“你介意我把网剪断吗？你最好先问问你丈夫，这玩意儿可挺贵的。”妻子崩溃大喊快把网剪断。网被剪开后，鹿脱困逃走，但警察却留下一句冷冰冰的预言：“它大概率10分钟内就会死掉，它们的肾上腺素飙得太高，心脏会直接爆裂。” 现场一度怀疑警察所谓“心脏爆裂”只是无稽之谈或都市传说，但现场上网查证后证实，这种现象在兽医学上有着确切的医学定义——**捕获性肌病（Capture Myopathy）**，又称劳力性肌病（Exertional Myopathy）： - **发病机理**：野生动物（尤其是鹿类等有蹄动物）在遭遇被捕、受困或极度惊恐时，持续的挣扎与心理应激会导致严重的肌肉损伤、体内过热，并引发对重要内脏器官的致命毒害。 - **临床症状**：受害鹿可能在受困过程中当场虚脱倒地，或者刚脱困时看似毫发无损，但在几小时甚至几天后迅速恶化死亡；其典型体征包括极度虚弱、肌肉僵硬、身体震颤、排出黑褐色尿液（肌红蛋白尿）以及彻底倒地不起。 台上的演员们忍不住借机打趣插科打诨：Big Jay 调侃 Steve 马上有“成人阅读理解测试”，非让他当众磕磕绊绊地朗读维基百科词条；Luis 则吐槽谁会在野外专门盯着鹿尿检查“看小鹿 Rosco 是不是快不行了”。最后大家一致认同，新泽西州夜间开车最恐怖的事就是路边数不胜数的鹿，其车祸风险在全美名列前茅。 ### [49:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=2990s) 撞鹿惨剧与加拿大奇人“歪脖子”的故事 众人围绕野生动物撞车事件展开讨论。乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）提到，鹿经常毫无预警地猛冲到车前，有时甚至会撞碎挡风玻璃钻进车内狂踢驾驶员致死，随后逃之夭夭。史蒂夫·兰纳兹西（Steve Rannazzisi）分享了他俄勒冈州朋友卡姆（Cam）身边的一桩惨剧：前车撞飞了一头鹿，那头鹿在空中翻转后直接穿透了后车的挡风玻璃，当场将后车司机砸死。 随后，现场聊到了加拿大网络红人“歪脖子”（Side Neck）。路易斯·J·戈麦斯（Luis J. Gomez）和大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson）翻出这段背景渊源：这名男子在加拿大开车时撞上了一头驼鹿，驼鹿倒在挡风玻璃上，双腿蹬穿玻璃，像卡通片一样一脚将他的脑袋踢歪，从此留下了永久的侧颈畸形。大杰调侃道，这人甚至写了一首针对那头驼鹿的嘲讽单曲（diss track）。乔·罗根惊叹并笑着评论道：“Why would you leave that part out of your origin story? That's one of the greatest origin stories.”（你怎么能在自己的起源故事里漏掉这一段？这绝对是史上最炸裂的起源故事之一。） ### [51:26](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3086s) 摩托车手的梦魇与公路两旁的悲伤场景 话题转向越野跑者和摩托车手遭遇野鹿撞击的极端危险。大杰指出，经常能看到长跑运动员被鹿迎头撞飞，就像完全没看见人一样直接碾压过去。更致命的是摩托车手在峡谷公路上压弯疾驰时，往往只能看见一团褐色的虚影掠过，伴随着巨大冲力瞬间人仰马翻。罗根指出，在时速70英里的飞驰状态下，就算戴着护目镜也无济于事，鹿角的穿刺力足以直接洞穿人的头颅。 嘉宾们纷纷坦言不敢骑摩托车。史蒂夫打趣说自己碰一下妻子的汽车后备箱都会受伤，根本经不起被鹿撞；路易斯则自嘲唯一坐摩托车的经历就是坐在后座抱着男人的腰，小腿还被排气管烫伤。屏幕上播放了一段车手被飞鹿瞬间撞飞进树丛的惊险监控，场面触目惊心。大杰感慨，在泽西岛驾车时最令人心碎的场景，莫过于看到路边倒着一具被撞死的鹿尸，而母鹿或幼鹿就久久伫立在一旁哀悼守护。 ### [53:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3215s) 加州美洲狮危机与恶斗鳄鱼救爱犬 罗根指出，控制鹿群数量的唯一办法就是引入顶级掠食者，但这会引发新的灾难——掠食者会进入人类社区吞食家养宠物。加利福尼亚州试图掩盖美洲狮泛滥的危机，研究人员在旧金山捕获美洲狮并分析其消化道残留物后发现，其饮食中有整整一半是家养猫狗。此外，佛罗里达州也频繁发生短吻鳄拖拽宠物的事件。史蒂夫回忆起儿时在盖恩斯维尔目睹一只贵宾犬被鳄鱼拖入水中的全城轰动事件。 大家联想到网络上一段爆火的真实视频：一位老爷爷毫不犹豫地跳入水中，赤手空拳把手伸进鳄鱼嘴里硬生生掰开其上下颚，成功救出了自家的可卡犬。罗根兴奋地将其比作经典电影桥段：“And then you got to pull it apart like how King Kong killed that lizard.”（然后你就得像金刚撕裂那只蜥蜴一样把它硬生生掰开。） ### [55:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3315s) 商业赞助插播：BlueChew 在讨论间隙，节目插播了男性健康品牌 BlueChew 的口播广告。罗根介绍了四合一配方的 BlueChew Gold，其成分兼顾提升血流与大脑唤起，起效时间可短至15分钟。广告提供了输入代码 ROGAN 享受买两月送一月及免次日送达运费的专属优惠。 ### [56:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3365s) 小型犬的狂热与宠物忠诚度争论 广告过后，罗根分享了自己饲养查理王小猎犬（Cavalier King Charles Spaniel）的体验。他以往只养大型犬（如金毛寻回犬），从不理解小型犬的魅力，但这只仅有一岁半的小家伙用极致的狂热和爱意彻底征服了他——每次罗根回家，它都会激动地狂跳求抱、拼命舔脸。尽管它没有任何看家护院的能力，却充满了令人无法抗拒的治愈感。路易斯则表示自家的可卡犬截然相反，总觉得自己是一只凶猛的野兽，一有风吹草动就疯狂吠叫。 大杰作为养狗四年的新手，则对狗缺乏“感恩之心”提出了幽默的抱怨：“Man, you were found in a box on the side of the road. Look at your life now. Why are you just staring at me?”（兄弟，你当年可是在路边的纸箱里被人捡到的。看看你现在的生活，你凭什么只是呆呆地瞪着我？）随后众人探讨起宠物的忠诚度，路易斯认为狗的记忆可能只有半天，哪怕明天被绑架也会立刻爱上新主人。 - 罗根饲养了一只大型金毛寻回犬和一只一岁半的查理王小猎犬。 - 大杰调侃流浪狗过上优渥生活后毫无感激之情，甚至不会主动献殷勤舔脸。 - 史蒂夫和路易斯认为绝大多数狗如果换了主人，在极短时间内就会向新主人投怀送抱。 ### [57:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3457s) 机场重聚视频的真伪与军犬辨认机制 就狗是否具备长期忠诚这一论题，史蒂夫提起网络上近期热传的一段感人视频：一名退役海军陆战队员在通过机场安检（TSA）时，一只安检工作犬突然飞越检查台扑进他的怀里，疯狂庆祝重聚，据说那是他当兵时的军犬。然而，制作人杰米（Jamie）立即揭穿了真相，指出这段视频完全是由 AI 生成的假视频。路易斯也补充道，赛斯·麦克法兰（Seth MacFarlane）在动画里就曾辛辣讽刺过这种滥情叙事——主角以为山脊上的是多年前的旧狼，走近后却发现认错了，惨被活活吃掉。 不过，大家也承认现实中确实存在感人的重逢视频。在真正的重聚画面中，狗在机场往往不会光凭肉眼瞬间认出久别的主人，而是需要凑近嗅闻数秒；一旦熟悉的体味被大脑确认，它们就会立刻陷入疯狂摇尾与亲吻的失控喜悦之中。 ### [58:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3516s) 宠物的忠诚度与救助犬的特殊羁绊 几人聊起宠物狗对主人的依恋程度。有人分享了阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shaffir）环球旅行归来时的趣事：Ari 在进家门前先将自己的鞋子脱下放在门口，他的狗闻到鞋子上的气味立刻激动得发狂，在屋里四处寻找，等 Ari 真正走进来时，整只狗彻底陷入了狂喜。他们提到狗单凭气味就能认出主人的专属气息。 ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 狗对主人的依恋机制 accDescr: 对比救助犬的极度依恋与普通家养犬对所有人的博爱表现 subgraph Savior["救助犬 (如 Bandit)"] A["经历恶劣过往"] --> B["视领养人为救命恩人"] B --> C["寸步不离守候门外<br/>对陌生人不屑一顾"] end subgraph Friendly["博爱型家犬 (如 金毛寻回犬)"] D["无创伤成长环境"] --> E["视所有人为最好朋友"] E --> F["挨个向客人讨摸<br/>毫无戒备心与警惕性"] end ``` 随后话题转向 Ari 的狗 Bandit。Bandit 是一只救助犬，对 Ari 表现出百分之百的执着依恋。甚至 Ari 在录音室上厕所时，Bandit 也会寸步不离地守在洗手间门外，对周围任何试图搭话或抚摸它的人都毫不理会。对此，Joe Rogan 分析道：“That was a rescue dog. And I think that dog had a horrible life and now it has an amazing life. So it associates that guy with the love. That guy's That's my That's my savior.”（那是一只救助犬。我觉得它以前过得很悲惨，而现在过得非常好，所以它把那个人和爱联系在了一起，心想那个人是我的救命恩人。）现场有人随即开玩笑抱怨，自家养的狗就从来没给过这种懂得感恩的态度。 --- ### [59:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3576s) 毫无防备心的金毛与毫无求生欲的蠢事 Steve Rannazzisi 提到自己以前养大狗，现在没有狗，全家正商量养一只小型犬。Joe Rogan 随后聊起自己养的两只狗，其中一只作为对比的是他的金毛寻回犬 Marshall。这只金毛是全世界最差劲的看门狗，因为它对所有人一视同仁地狂热喜爱，“Everybody's his best friend.”（每个人都是它最好的朋友）。如果有客人来家里，它会轮流跑到每一个人面前讨摸抚摸，根本分不清敌友。Big Jay Oakerson 也深有同感，表示如果哪天自己博爱的狗突然对某个人低吼或本能地反感，他绝对会无条件相信狗的直觉，因为那人身上肯定有大问题。 谈到狗的笨拙本能，Joe Rogan 讲了一段关于自家狗毫无生存直觉的离奇经历： - 院子里有洒落在碎石堆上的鸡饲料，狗跑去吃饲料，结果连带着吞下了整整两磅重的碎石。 - Joe 回家发现狗看起来非常痛苦，随后狗开始狂吐石头并严重腹泻，排泄物里全是碎石子。 - 送往宠物医院后，狗挂上静脉输液并留院观察了一整夜，脖子上还戴上了防舔伊丽莎白圈（伊丽莎白项圈）。 - 出院才过了几天，刚拆下输液胶带的狗竟然在后院抓到一只乌龟，当场咬碎并吞下了坚硬的乌龟壳，导致不得不被紧急二度送往宠物医院。 Joe 总结道，这只狗不仅毫无求生欲，甚至毫无防范心，哪怕有人戴着面具、手持冲锋枪闯进家里，它也会摇着尾巴以为对方是来找它玩的朋友。 --- ### [01:02:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3731s) 烟花表演、手机录像与得州军火级烟花 众人接着聊到动物对烟花的反应。Big Jay 的狗完全不在意雷声或烟花，而 Joe 的金毛 Marshall 则会在烟花或暴风雨响起时在屋里慌乱乱窜、呜呜哀鸣。随后话题转向人类对烟花的痴迷。Luis J. Gomez 调侃人们用手机拍烟花毫无意义，声称自己手机里起码存了四个小时从未重温过的烟花录像；几人一致赞同，用手机拍烟花和拍演唱会一样，拍完后根本不会再看第二次。 聊到自己燃放烟花时，Steve Rannazzisi 透露自己每年独立日都极度狂热，通常会花上 800 美元买烟花，由于纽约长岛禁止销售烟花，他必须大老远开车去宾夕法尼亚州采购。为了安全起见，他曾用煤渣砖和滑梯管道搭起一套专门的防侧翻发射发射管。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 各地烟花购买限制对比 accDescr: 展现长岛、新泽西与得州在烟花购买自由度上的巨大鸿沟 A["纽约长岛 (Long Island)"] -->|"法律禁止销售"| B["驱车前往宾夕法尼亚州采购"] C["新泽西州 (New Jersey)"] -->|"便利店限售"| D["7-Eleven 售卖低空喷花烟花 (升空约8英尺)"] E["得克萨斯州 (Texas)"] -->|"路边货车随意售卖"| F["重型专业级烟花 (堪比迪士尼级别)"] ``` Joe Rogan 随即向大家描述得克萨斯州极其宽松的法规：“In Texas, you can buy nuclear bombs. You can you can literally you go you go to the fucking a truck that pulls over like on the corner of the road and you could buy things that you can't believe are legal.”（在得州，你甚至能买到核弹。你真可以在路边随便停着的一辆卡车上，买到那些你不敢相信竟然合法的玩意儿。）Joe 描述自己在后院发射的重型烟花，效果完全不输迪士尼乐园的专业烟花，并警告称如果有人把这种东西架在皮卡车后斗对准别人的房子平射，杀伤力不堪设想。 --- ### [01:05:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3931s) 炸碎手掌后淡定“对瓶吹”啤酒的网络奇人 从自制氯气弹（chlorine bomb）和年少时的罗马烛光烟花大战，众人聊到了互联网上流传的一段极其疯狂的真实惨剧视频。 Joe Rogan 描述了那段视频的内容：一名男子手里拿着类似 M-80 的重型雷管烟花，结果烟花直接在手掌中爆炸。巨大的爆炸冲击力当场将他的手掌彻底炸碎撕裂、血流如注，整只手扭曲得像一个残缺的爪子。然而令人目瞪口呆的是，在手掌被彻底炸烂、血肉模糊的情况下，该男子竟然毫不在意地当场用另一只手仰头一口气灌完了一整罐啤酒（shotgun a beer）。 现场人员调侃起这种近乎荒谬的心理状态，借用俗语形容道：“The toothpaste is out of the tube, my friend.”（牙膏已经挤出管子了，朋友，无法挽回了。）既然灾难已经铸成、时间无法倒流，那人索性就抱着听天由命的心态，在去医院之前先借酒浇愁喝个痛快。 ### [01:06:16](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=3976s) 氯气炸弹与炸毁的手部血腥照片 众人继续查看之前提到的一起严重手部受伤事件的后续。在调出照片前，Steve Rannazzisi 聊起自己小时候制作“氯气炸弹”（chlorine bomb）的恶作剧经历：找一个空的 2 升装苏打水塑料瓶，弄碎两片泳池用的氯片放到底部，倒进外用酒精（rubbing alcohol），快速拧紧盖子、用力摇晃然后赶紧跑开。瓶子内部会迅速嘶嘶作响、剧烈膨胀并猛烈爆炸；如果离得太近，整个人会被一股浓烈的氯气直接冲翻倒地。大家半开玩笑地探讨这种东西如果在现实中恶作剧有多危险——比如趁着别人窗户开着扔进二楼房间，或者塞进邮箱，因为从摇晃到爆炸大概只有 15 秒的时间窗口。 随后屏幕上切出了那名男子的手部特写照片，现场瞬间爆发出一阵倒抽冷气的惊呼。第二张照片极其血腥直观，整只手被彻底炸裂炸开，骨肉模糊，形状甚至被调侃像扭曲的纳粹万字符。Joe Rogan 震惊地感叹这场景就像《终结者2》（*Terminator 2*）里机械手臂露出来的画面。看着那只几乎只剩下一根手指挂在上面的烂手，大家一致认为与其留着这种毫无功能的残缺皮肉，倒不如彻底截肢换上假肢。 - 氯气炸弹配方：2 升塑料瓶 + 两片捣碎的氯片 + 外用酒精，摇晃后约 15 秒爆炸并释放刺鼻毒气。 - 伤者手部损毁严重，骨骼肉片四散翻开，现场众人直呼“还不如直接切掉装假肢”。 ### [01:07:54](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4074s) 赛博格假肢与自愿截肢的异化心理 围绕失去手后的替代方案，大家从搞笑的玩具暴龙抓夹，聊到了现代高科技假肢。Joe Rogan 提到他在洛杉矶喜剧工坊（The Comedy Store）遇到过一位来自澳大利亚的男子，该男子的单手和单腿曾被鲨鱼活生生咬掉，但他装上了全碳纤维的假肢和机械义手；那名男子走起路来完全看不出跛行，义手还能十分自然有力地与人握手，整体轻如鸿毛。由此众人展开关于多功能配件义肢的胡扯，甚至脑洞大开地讨论能不能像吸尘器接延长杆那样，在机械臂上装可调节角度的成人震动器玩具。 玩笑过后，话题转向了更具哲学和技术伦理意味的讨论：如果未来人造肢体的性能全面碾压人类原生肉身，世界将会发生什么？Joe Rogan 直言：“If they start making body parts that are better than our parts, it's going to be a problem because people are going to want to be cyborgs.”（如果他们造出的身体器官比我们原生的还要好，那麻烦就大了，因为所有人都想变成半机械人。）就像现在人们觉得胸部不够完美就去做隆胸手术一样，一旦机械手臂拥有更强的力量、更敏锐的神经触觉且完全无副作用，绝对会有大批健康人主动要求把肉臂锯掉换成机械臂。Luis J. Gomez 调侃自己已经 42 岁，身体各处开始酸痛老化，如果像朋友“Mike”那样换一套没有副作用、精力充沛的机械躯体，换作谁都会心动。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 人体机械义肢的技术升级与心理演变 accDescr: 展示从遭遇意外安装义肢，到科技升级超过原生肉身，最终引发主动自愿截肢思潮的过程。 A["意外伤残/病理截肢<br>(如鲨鱼袭击、严重炸伤)"] --> B["现代碳纤维/高科技义肢<br>(恢复正常行走与握手)"] B --> C["义肢性能全面超越原生肉体<br>(更强力量、无痛感疲劳、具备触觉)"] C --> D["自愿截肢升级赛博格<br>(健康人群主动锯掉肉身以换取优势)"] ``` ### [01:10:18](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4218s) 英国外科医生的干冰截肢骗保案与 BME 极端身体改造 话题随后转向一种极其极端的自愿截肢怪癖（身体完整认同障碍与截肢癖）。Joe Rogan 提到英国一名血管外科医生的耸人听闻的案件：该医生名叫 Neil Hopper，他为了满足某种奇异的性癖好，故意用冰块和干冰把自己的双腿活活冻死，随后声称自己患上了严重败血症（sepsis），成功让医院切除了他的双腿。随后，他还凭借这次截肢向保险公司索赔，最终因保险诈骗和持有极端色情影像被判入狱 32 个月。调查发现，他不仅是一名执业医生，还是一个专门售卖截肢、切除生殖器等重度身体改造视频网站的付费常客。 这让大家回忆起互联网早期的极端身体改造网站——BME（Body Modification Extreme）。Joe Rogan 透露，世界掰手腕冠军德文·拉拉特（Devon Larratt）的亲兄弟香农·拉拉特（Shannon Larratt）正是当年创建并运营 BME 的创办人，Joe 过去与他还是朋友。大家感叹香农当年每天都要审查大量网友自发投递的血腥自残素材（例如用剃须刀片直接纵向切开生殖器），心理负荷难以想象。而现实中居然有人能为了性癖用干冰把自己双腿冻到坏死，其病态程度令人咋舌。 - 涉案英国外科医生 Neil Hopper 将双腿浸泡在干冰中自残导致坏死截肢，谎称败血症骗保，被判刑 32 个月。 - 著名极限人体改造平台 BME 创始人为掰手腕冠军 Devon Larratt 的兄弟 Shannon Larratt。 ### [01:12:43](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4363s) 性癖好的泛化：从撞车癖到重口味恋足 众人聊起人类欲望的荒谬与无所不包。Luis J. Gomez 提到大卫·柯南伯格（David Cronenberg）导演的经典邪典电影《撞车》（*Crash*），片中角色只有在经历惨烈车祸时才能获得性高潮，过去大家觉得这剧情荒诞不经，如今看来在现实的各种小众癖好面前根本不算离奇。Luis 表示自己除了常规的性吸引外，完全无法理解其他非性器官的恋物癖，尤其是恋足癖（foot fetish）。 这番言论立刻引发了现场的争论。有人认为一双保养得当、小巧玲珑（比如 6 号鞋码）的女性玉足本身就很赏心悦目，但 Luis 坚决反驳，认为光是看着脚就勃起简直不可思议。然而话锋一转，Luis 承认如果是女方在刚健身完、脚上还带着一点汗酸味（musty）时，直接把脚趾塞进自己嘴里，他反而会觉得兴奋刺激；这番“只吃不看”且偏爱健身后汗味的奇特标准让同伴们大呼恶心和难以理解。随后，Luis 还吐槽起自己被算法搞崩溃的 Instagram 信息流：前几天平台给他推送了一款专为女性设计的奇葩鞋垫，鞋垫与脚掌之间是用类似人造仿生肉的材质制成，视频里的博主还给脚底抹上润滑剂，把香蕉塞进脚心和鞋垫夹层中反复抽插滑动，赤裸裸地向恋足人群推销这种“可以和脚底发生关系”的怪异产品。 ### [01:14:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4447s) 恋足癖、性癖光谱与自体性恋探讨 对话承接上一段关于恋足视频的讨论。几人开玩笑地描述视频中女性如何将双脚并拢形成空隙，讨论恋足癖与迷恋家具等怪异性癖的好坏。大家一致认为，任何人的性癖好都处在一个连续的谱系（spectrum）上，“freak”（怪癖）因人而异，无需过分站在道德高地去评判。 随后，Joe Rogan 顺着性心理的话题引申到跨性别运动与心理学史上的“自体性恋”（autogynephilia）。他明确表示自己对跨性别群体没有任何恶意，且理解有人认为自己生错了躯壳，但对传统心理学分类的消失感到好奇。Joe Rogan 解释道：“Autogynephilia 是一种真实的心理状态，有些男性会因为自己穿上女装而产生性冲动，但他们并不喜欢男人，也不认为自己是女人。”众人顺势调侃起诸如穿女式内裤的大学教授或传闻中具有异装癖的历史人物（如 J. Edgar Hoover）。 - 对话澄清了恋足癖等偏好在当代性文化中的普遍性与相对无害性。 - 讨论指出，自体性恋概念在经典心理学文献中存在已久，用来描述那些被自己女性化打扮激发性欲、但性取向依然是异性恋的男性群体。 --- ### [01:16:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4563s) 黑暗自残网站 The Eunuch Maker 与极端案例细节 话题迅速转向一桩震惊全网的英国暗网自残案件。众人谈及那名切断自己双腿的外科医生，并提到了涉案的恋物癖网站 eunuchmaker.com。根据法庭与媒体披露的信息，该网站提供按次付费的视频点播，内容充斥着男性及青少年自残或允许他人公开肢解自身生殖器官的恐怖画面。 Steve Rannazzisi 与其他主持人们翻看新闻报道，惊讶于一名自愿被阉割的受害者 Michael 仅获得了 60 英镑的报酬，甚至连往返差旅费都不够，众人苦笑调侃这完全可以做成一件自嘲 T 恤——“我切了命根子，却只拿到了 60 镑”。随后 Steve 念出了导致订阅者 Hopper 被捕的三段极端视频的具体法庭记录： | 视频分类 | 订阅费用 | 核心内容 | |:--- |:--- |:--- | | **视频一** | 10 英镑 | 显示主犯 Marius Gustavson 正在切除另一名男性的生殖器。 | | **视频二** | 35 英镑 | 一名男子被绑在床上，Gustavson 通过掷骰子来随机决定切除哪一部分肢体；该男子被切除阴茎与睾丸且大量出血，以至于拍摄期间紧急拨打了救护车。 | | **视频三** | 35 英镑 | 一名男子亲自切下自己的阴茎，并在镜头前将其举起展示。 | 众人对这些极端残暴的视频定价如此低廉感到不可思议。他们将其与 OnlyFans 模式进行对比，并引发了关于人类行为动机的讨论：这种极端的身体改造与自残冲动究竟是天生的大脑化学失衡，还是后天遭受了极度严重的心理创伤所致。 --- ### [01:18:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4695s) 阴茎增大手术的隐秘产业与 Big Jay 的面诊奇遇 从身体改造与生殖器穿孔（如 Prince Albert）的话题出发，Joe Rogan 分享了他在社交平台上刷到的阴茎增大手术信息。由于 Instagram 禁止发布露骨手术画面，相关账号常将流量引导至 YouTube，以“医疗/科普背景”为由规避审核。视频中医生拿着被称为“鱼柳”般的硅胶植入假体，声称植入后可增加 3 英寸长度和 2 英寸周径，随后通过患者访谈和术后展示来招揽顾客。 听到这里，Big Jay Oakerson 讲述了他多年前因考虑去除耻骨脂肪垫（FUPA）让器官看起来更大而前去咨询整形医生的真实尴尬经历。面诊过程中，医生坐在一张与阴茎高度平齐的矮凳上，让他当场脱下裤子走到镜子前。Big Jay 惟妙惟肖地模仿医生用双手比成钻石手势（Diamond Cutter）紧紧卡在他的器官周围往后猛推，并对他说这就是术后能达到的效果。这一举动让 Big Jay 感到极度尴尬与荒唐，他回忆道：“那家伙就用手把我的命根子和蛋蛋做成钻石手势往后一推，我的小兄弟就从他的钻石手里露出来，简直疯了。”他随即匆匆告退，彻底放弃了做手术的念头。 ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 阴茎增大与脂肪塑形面诊流程 accDescr: 展示从社媒引流到线下实际面诊的滑稽与尴尬流程 subgraph S1["线上网络引流"] A["Instagram 模糊宣传"] --> B["跳转 YouTube 医疗展示"] B --> C["假体植入与视觉增大承诺"] end subgraph S2["线下实际面诊 (Big Jay 经历)"] D["医生矮凳平视就位"] --> E["患者脱裤直面镜子"] E --> F["双手钻石手势猛推脂肪演示效果"] F --> G["患者极度尴尬并光速逃离"] end C -.-> D ``` --- ### [01:21:37](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4897s) 现代医疗技术的局限与男性的焦虑 四人感叹，尽管现代医学在女性整容、植发技术（如前往土耳其植发）等领域日新月异，但在安全有效的口服或非侵入式阴茎增大技术上却始终毫无突破。众人调侃称，如果世界上真研发出一种能有效增大尺寸的药丸，其火爆程度将瞬间超越全球所有医疗产品。 他们笑称，男人们对这种药物的渴望会演变成疯狂的药物滥用：“他们会去试探到底吃多少颗会引发中风，然后每天只比致死量少吃一颗。”对话在对医疗资本、癌症治疗阴谋论以及伟哥（Viagra）额外生理效益的调侃中继续推进。 ### [01:22:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=4951s) 万艾可抗癌新发现、荒诞的性偏好与现场恶搞 乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）阅读了一则医学研究，指出万艾可（西地那非）最初是为治疗高血压和心肌缺血引起的胸痛而开发的，后来才成为全球最知名的勃起功能障碍药物；而最新研究显示，西地那非能限制癌细胞利用胆固醇的能力，而胆固醇是细胞膜的重要组成部分，癌细胞正是依靠它脱离原发肿瘤并在体内转移。乔·罗根对此赞叹：“万艾可居然能阻止癌症扩散。”在座的喜剧演员们随即展开荒诞调侃，路易斯·J·戈麦斯（Luis J. Gomez）甚至自嘲只有在得绝症时才能勃起，戏称自己只想插着氧气管在生命垂危时自慰。 随后，话题转向更离奇的重口味内容与网络脱敏现象，大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson）提到网上有些女性为马口交的视频，众人讨论起给种马人工采精的职业——工人需要手持巨大的假阴道设备协助马匹排精。这让路易斯和大杰联想到他们在《Legion of Skanks》节目中的一次荒唐旧事：当时大杰拿着飞机杯（Fleshlight）帮路易斯套弄。面对在场其他人“这简直太同性恋了”的嘲讽，两人争辩称彼此身体并没有发生直接接触。接着大家探讨起一个荒谬的哲学问题：“如果一个人张开嘴，另一个男人的阴茎放进去但完全没有碰触到任何口腔边缘，这到底算不算同性恋行为？”大家调侃这就像在玩高难度的经典桌游《人体手术》（Operation），稍微碰到牙齿或舌头就会“警报亮灯”，甚至得像史蒂芬·泰勒（Steven Tyler）那样嘴大的人才能完成。 - 科学事实：西地那非（Sildenafil）通过阻断癌细胞对胆固醇的吸收，降低癌细胞从原发病灶脱落、向远处器官扩散转移的能力。 - 荒唐争论：路易斯·J·戈麦斯和大杰·奥克森坚称用飞机杯互动“完全不算同性恋行为，因为双方肉体毫无接触”。 - 喜剧比喻：把阴茎伸入口腔却不碰触四周的假想比作《人体手术》游戏，一旦碰触就意味着“游戏失败”。 --- ### [01:25:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5128s) 容器误判、阿里·沙菲尔的随地便溺与狂热极端行径 喜剧演员们进一步聊到男性对自己尺寸的错误估计，比如总觉得自己能穿过卫生纸筒，或者在车里应急时能轻易对准佳得乐（Gatorade）塑料瓶口，结果往往挤不进去。乔·罗根顺势爆料好友阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shaffir）在播客录制现场的奇葩恶习：阿里曾多次坐在现场那张椅子上，根本懒得去几步之遥的洗手间，而是直接掏出下体尿进喝完的康普茶（Kombucha）瓶子里，甚至有一次直接在走廊随地小便，逼得罗根不得不大喊制止他。 随后众人回忆起阿里在喜剧节（Skankfest）上的疯狂历史。在《Kill Tony》节目的现场舞台上，阿里曾当着所有观众和主办方的面当场脱光衣服，把硬纸板铺在地上公然排便，甚至当场摆弄粪便，逼得大杰因无法直视而提前离场。大家将阿里的行径与朋克摇滚极端人物 GG Allin，以及当年企图邮寄硫酸炸弹谋杀冰岛歌手比约克（Björk）并在自杀前将自己全身涂抹油漆与污物的狂热粉丝里卡多·洛佩斯（Ricardo López）相提并论。 > “Ari Shafir sitting in that very chair where you are has pissed into kombucha bottles.” —— 乔·罗根（Joe Rogan） > “The bathroom is five steps later. Just keep stepping and then you're in the bathroom. Stop.” —— 乔·罗根（Joe Rogan） --- ### [01:26:57](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5217s) 比约克机场暴打记者、第一修正案挑衅者与冰岛维京基因 话题顺势转到冰岛传奇歌星比约克身上。乔·罗根提到比约克当年在曼谷机场暴打骚扰记者的经典名面孔：一名记者拿着摄像机步步紧逼、怼着她的脸拍摄，原本一直隐忍的比约克突然彻底暴怒，猛扑上去将对方按在地上痛打。罗根痛斥那些为了流量毫无底线的人，并联想到如今在社交媒体上泛滥的所谓“第一修正案审计员（First Amendment auditors）”——这些人故意拿着相机在商店门口近距离挑衅路人，一旦对方质问，就搬出“这是言论自由的美国”来激化矛盾。杰梅（Jamie Vernon）随即调出了比约克 2008 年在新西兰奥克兰机场袭击另一名撕破其衣服的狗仔摄影师的报道，大杰则回忆起单口喜剧演员丹·索德（Dan Soder）曾给他看过的比约克一本正经拆解并解释旧电视机内部构造的搞笑复古视频。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 维京血统传承与现代大力士文化 accDescr: 展示从历史上的冰岛维京战士与狂战士到现代冰岛强人选手及比约克的特质延续 subgraph Historical["历史渊源：维京时代"] A["维京狂战士 (Berserkers)"] --> B["战前摄入致幻蘑菇"] B --> C["持战斧狂暴突袭海岸"] end subgraph Modern["现代传承：极端特质与基因"] C --> D["恶劣极寒气候筛选出的体魄与野性"] D --> E["世界大力士赛冠军群<br/>(如 Hafþór Björnsson)"] D --> F["比约克等冰岛人特立独行、野性不羁的性格"] end ``` 众人感叹冰岛是一个民风彪悍、环境极其严酷的国度。大杰调侃道：“如果你名字里从小带个变音符号（umlaut），心理多少都会出点问题。”罗根则强调，冰岛是地球上诞生顶尖大力士密度最高的地方之一，例如在《权力的游戏》中饰演“魔山”的哈夫托·朱利叶斯·比昂森（Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson）以及传奇强人马格努斯·维尔·马格努森（Magnús Ver Magnússon）。罗根感慨，这些人身上流淌着最纯正的古代维京人基因；遥想当年，整整一船身形魁梧、在致幻蘑菇刺激下陷入狂暴状态（Berserking）的维京狂战士手持战斧冲上海滩，那种压迫感无与伦比，而这种强悍野蛮的遗传基因至今依然深植于冰岛的冰川与山脉之间。 > “You grow up with an umlaut in your name, it's going to create mental problems.” —— 大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson） > “They would be tripping on mushrooms when they would go berserking.” —— 乔·罗根（Joe Rogan） ### [01:30:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5429s) 冰岛大力士、体型悬殊与影视作品的选角吐槽 讨论从冰岛独特的文化展开。Joe Rogan 提到自己之所以对冰岛了解颇多，是因为那里极度盛行的“大力士文化（strongman culture）”。世界上众多顶尖的大力士都出自这个人口并不庞大的人口小国，那些选手的体格庞大得令人匪夷所思，让人一眼看去就会意识到“这绝对不是普通的人类”。大家开玩笑比喻道，若在古代，一个平均身高只有 4 英尺的俾格米（Pygmy）部落乘船漂洋过海来到冰岛，突然撞见这群巨兽般的当地人，绝对会认为自己遇到了完全不同的物种。 这随即引出了对影视作品的联想。有人提到《奥德赛》（The Odyssey）电影中巨人在森林里狂奔劈砍的震撼场面。随后话题一转，聊到了近期影视剧中的选角争议，众人谈到了在某些作品中让 Elliot Page 出演士兵角色的违和感。Big Jay Oakerson 和其他嘉宾直言，每当银幕上的角色开口说话时，原有的女性声线与军人形象之间的反差立刻会让人出戏。 --- ### [01:31:42](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5502s) Luis J. Gomez 的纽约街头奇遇：路怒争执演变成特警围堵 Luis J. Gomez 分享了自己前几天在纽约东村（East Village）经历的一场离奇闹剧。当时他在倒车出车位时，差点撞上一位骑着花旗单车（Citi Bike）的路人。对方摔倒后质问，Luis J. Gomez 承认自己车技很烂并上前确认对方是否受伤。骑车人表示无大碍并准备离开，但路边一名“凯伦（Karen）”式的中年妇女却冲出来多管闲事，尖叫着命令 Luis J. Gomez “待在原地不准动”，声称他撞伤了行人。骑车小哥虽然一再解释自己没事并骑车离开，这名女子依旧不依不饶地报警称自己受到了人身威胁。性格火爆的 Luis J. Gomez 索性留下来跟她对骂，引来整条街二十多位路人围观。 正当场面僵持不下时，二楼窗户突然推开，一名留着胡子、外貌酷似 Conor McGregor 但嗓音尖细的疑似跨性别男性探出头来，怒吼着指责 Luis J. Gomez：“你凭什么这样跟女人说话？信不信我下楼揍扁你！” Luis J. Gomez 当场回呛让他有种就下来。不料对方转身拿出一把“枪”对着楼下比划，叫嚣着“你想尝尝这个吗”。由于身处纽约，Luis J. Gomez 笃定对方拿的顶多是 BB 枪或仿真玩具，甚至在警察赶到后反手向警方举报二楼有人持枪恐吓。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 纽约街头冲突升级流程 accDescr: 展示从倒车摩擦最终演变为全街封锁的荒谬过程 subgraph Phase1 ["起因与街头争吵"] A["Luis 倒车险些刮蹭 Citi Bike"] --> B["路人女子介入并坚决报警"] B --> C["全街围观与激烈对骂"] end subgraph Phase2 ["冲突升级"] C --> D["二楼疑似跨性别住户探头威胁"] D --> E["二楼住户窗前亮出黑色'枪支'"] end subgraph Phase3 ["警方出动与荒唐结局"] E --> F["Luis 借机向警方举报持枪恐吓"] F --> G["多辆警车、消防车封锁整个街区"] G --> H["突入房间搜查：证实为带枪柄的黑色假阳具"] end ``` 接下来的局面彻底失控：警方如临大敌，瞬间出动了 20 多名警员、消防车和救护车封锁了整条街区，准备突袭该公寓。Luis J. Gomez 站在楼梯口满心期待一场激烈的交火，结果两分钟后警察走下楼，一脸无奈地告知他：“那不是枪，是一个带枪把手的黑色假阳具（black dildo with a gun handle）。” - 面对路人的无理纠缠，Luis J. Gomez 当时的心理活动十分好战：“‘I'll stay for this. This is going to be like a fun argument. Why not?’” - 面对二楼的约架挑衅，Luis J. Gomez 坦言自己当时热血沸腾：“‘Come down here and kick my ass, motherfucker.’ I'm yelling at her. I'm yelling at him.” - 看到警方准备破门抓人，Luis J. Gomez 更是幸灾乐祸：“‘This is the greatest moment of my life.’” - 几位嘉宾爆笑调侃，对于波多黎各裔男人来说，一个黑色的假阳具其实比真枪更具威慑力。众人甚至就“枪把手假阳具”如果加上点火器当雪茄打火机用，会是多么实用的整蛊玩具展开了一番恶趣味脑洞。 --- ### [01:36:14](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5774s) 无法释怀的“路怒症”与骨子里的好斗基因 Joe Rogan 追问 Luis J. Gomez 为何总是如此执着于卷入各种人际冲突。Luis J. Gomez 辩解称并不是自己主动惹事，而是“冲突总是自动找上门来”，自己遇事就像电视剧里的 Larry David 一样无法轻易释怀，唯一的区别在于自己不是懦弱的老派犹太人，而是一个脾气火爆的波多黎各人，任何微小的冒犯都会迅速滚雪球演变成不可收拾的正面冲突。 Big Jay Oakerson 和 Steve Rannazzisi 纷纷表示对这种路怒心态感同身受。Big Jay Oakerson 坦言，虽然随着年龄增长在努力克制，但每当在路上被人强行加塞并被竖中指时，内心那种以命相搏的复仇欲就会被瞬间点燃： > “I'm the idiot like cuts me off in traffic and gives the finger. I'm like I'm hunting this guy with my heart too.” Big Jay Oakerson 承认自己甚至会一路尾随咬住对方车尾，哪怕冒着对方失控翻车的危险也在所不惜，嘴上还坚信自己是在“伸张正义”。Steve Rannazzisi 也回忆起自己在洛杉矶 Laurel Canyon 附近开到 Mulholland 顶端时的经历，当时遇到有人企图恶意别车强行变道，他脾气上来直接选择跟对方玩“胆小鬼博弈（playing chicken）”，死死卡住车道绝不退让半分。 ### [01:37:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5858s) 路怒症的心理生理机制与发泄幻想 对话从极端的路怒情绪切入。Big Jay Oakerson 愤愤不平地形容自己当时宁愿同归于尽把对方撞进狗公园，也绝不让那个混蛋加塞。Joe Rogan 随即剖析了路怒症（road rage）的本质，指出人在开车时速度极快，身体必须时刻保持应对突发状况的敏锐度与戒备状态，因此神经原本就紧绷在极高的基准线上。正如 Joe Rogan 所言：“You don't go from zero to 'fuck you', you're already at seven cuz you're in a car.”（你不是从零直接飙到‘去你的’，你已经在七分了，因为你正坐在车里。）洛杉矶等大城市交通节奏飞快，随意变道加塞屡见不鲜，人在车内如同身处高度戒备的战场，哪怕遭遇极其微小的冒犯，怒火也会瞬间被彻底引爆。 众人调侃起 Louis C.K. 曾讲过的经典段子：别人只是稍微蹭过车道线，驾驶员就会立刻暴跳如雷。为了在不动手追车的前提下出气，Big Jay Oakerson 提出了一个异想天开的设想：在车里备一块白板，一旦被激怒，就凭自己脱口秀演员的嘴炮功夫迅速写下一句能彻底毁掉对方一整天的刻薄金句亮给对方看。然而大家随即笑称，为了写出精妙绝伦的段子，他恐怕得在高速上用膝盖顶着方向盘开车，反而更加危险。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 驾驶状态下的情绪激发路径 accDescr: 展示高速驾驶如何使人的警觉基准线提高并在遭遇轻微冲突时迅速爆发路怒 A["高速驾驶与复杂的交通环境"] --> B["神经系统维持高度警觉（基准线达7分）"] B --> C["遭遇微小冒犯（如随意加塞、慢行）"] C --> D["瞬间情绪过载，爆发路怒（飙升至10分）"] D --> E["极端发泄冲动（追车、鸣笛、口头回击）"] ``` ### [01:39:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=5951s) 车载外放喇叭与各地噪音法规 讨论顺势转向更具科技感的情绪表达方式。有人提议在挡风玻璃前安装由语音控制的 LED 滚字屏，但当场查阅法规后发现，在公共道路行驶中安装动态滚动文字屏大多属于违法行为。Steve Rannazzisi 透露自己的车上装有手势灯装置，能通过按键切换五种信号，包括友好的“谢谢你让我变道”、点赞手势，以及直截了当的比中指图案。 Joe Rogan 继而分享了一种极具攻击性的新方案：他曾见过配备警笛和大功率公共广播系统（PA speaker / loudspeaker）的防弹求生卡车，建议 Big Jay 在其道奇公羊（Ram）皮卡上也装一套外置喊话喇叭。这样一来，不仅可以贴上去直接对着乱开车的司机大吼谩骂，还能录成爆笑的病毒式传播短视频。然而查询新泽西州的法规后发现，声音在 50 英尺（约 15 米）外清晰可辨的扩音系统同样属于违规，模仿警报声更会被当场开罚单。尽管如此，大家依然打趣道，只要贴近对方车辆大骂，根本用不着传播 50 英尺那么远，在被抓到前完全具备可操作性。 - 新泽西州“清晰可辨”（Plainly Audible）法规规定：车辆音响或扩音装置在 50 英尺外可被清晰听见即属违法。 - 模仿官方紧急车辆的警笛或特种鸣笛系统在民用车上被严格禁止。 - 纽约市法律严格限制鸣笛，除非面临迫在眉睫的危险（imminent danger），否则随意按喇叭可处以 800 至 2,500 美元的高额罚款。 ### [01:42:11](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6131s) 鸣笛礼仪与特斯拉极简内饰设计的槽点 众人探讨起按喇叭的分寸与社交含义。轻点一下喇叭（tap）通常被视为礼貌的提醒，比如提醒前车绿灯亮了别看手机；但如果长按超过一秒半，就会立刻被解读为极具攻击性的挑衅。Steve Rannazzisi 提到罗素·克劳（Russell Crowe）主演的惊悚电影《精神错乱》（*Unhinged*），影片主角正是因为后车女司机死活不肯为狂按喇叭道歉，而陷入疯狂并一路追杀其全家。 话题随后延伸到现代汽车的工业设计缺陷，Joe Rogan 极其猛烈地抨击了特斯拉（Tesla）为了极简而牺牲实用性的改动。他提到自己以前开特斯拉时，喇叭不是在方向盘正中央，而是被做成了方向盘上的一个触控小按键。在紧急状况发生时，驾驶员凭本能狠狠砸向方向盘中间根本没用，慌乱中用大拇指摸索按钮时，反而经常误触雨刷或巡航控制，体验极差。此外，特斯拉取消实体转向灯拨杆（stalk）改成方向盘按键、将传统的换挡杆改为在中央触控屏幕上上下滑动换挡的设计，也遭到了众人的一致吐槽。大家认为这种过度“游戏化”的改动完全脱离了传统汽车应有的直观与安全性，纯粹是车企为了未来过渡到全自动驾驶而强行移除物理操控部件。 ### [01:45:02](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6302s) 奥斯汀的无人驾驶出租车与 Waymo 的驾驶习性 对话围绕全自动驾驶汽车的迅速普及展开。在德克萨斯州奥斯汀，街头已经随处可见各类无人驾驶出租车（如 Tesla Cybercab 的测试原型车及 Waymo）。桌上众人吐槽乘坐体验：有时无人车根本不能在正确的位置停车，有时甚至停在路中间一动不动，乘客只能坐在车里对着客服系统干着急喊叫。Joe Rogan 提到自己见过一些外观奇特、甚至带有金色涂装像小一号 Cybertruck 的测试车，车身上印有 Cybercab 的标志；此外，他还目击了一辆 Waymo 极其凶悍地切入车道。Joe Rogan 描述道：“I saw a Waymo doing a pretty aggressive lane entry the other day. I was like, 'Huh?'” 仿佛这辆车算准了旁边的车一定会踩刹车让它，直接硬生生插了进去，显得对城市路况已经“过于适应”且开得有些自大。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 自主驾驶出租车在奥斯汀面临的现实问题 accDescr: 展示 Waymo 等无人车在日常运营中出现的各种异常表现与事故 subgraph S1["乘客与路况槽点"] A["定位停靠不准 / 中途死机"] --> B["车内乘客向客服喊话"] C["过于激进的变道超车"] --> D["其他人类司机被迫让行"] end subgraph S2["极端与系统性事件"] E["误入警匪交火现场"] --> F["停在警方与嫌疑人中间导致交通阻断"] G["四向路口多辆车死锁"] --> H["无人车互相谦让或互不相让导致瘫痪"] end ``` 随后大家聊起出租车司机的态度。有位喜剧演员分享前一天晚上 Uber 司机的抱怨：司机对 Waymo 嗤之以鼻，觉得大家宁可坐无人车也不坐真人开的车，还讽刺真人出租车是“闻我的屁、听我的歌”。那位司机还透露，以前有另一家自动驾驶公司（疑似 Cruise 等）采取让人工智能从真实人类驾驶员身上“学习”的策略，结果搞砸了——系统学会了人类各种恶劣的驾驶恶习，比如闯红灯、在学校限速区以 50 英里时速狂飙，最终不得不紧急下线。另外，乘坐 Waymo 时无法催促，如果赶飞机只剩 20 分钟而车机预计要 24 分钟，乘客根本无法让它开快点；但大家也承认，如果直接催促真人 Uber 司机，也有两次被司机直接靠边停车轰下去的糟糕经历。 - 无人驾驶出租车在遇到突发交通或网络断连时，常发生停滞不动的故障。 - 早期自动驾驶算法因模仿人类驾驶数据，反而习得了超速、闯红灯等违章行为。 - 人类司机会因乘客催促“赶时间”而情绪化拒载，但自动驾驶则完全受限于既定速度算法。 --- ### [01:47:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6449s) Tesla 全自动驾驶（FSD）的真实体验与法律悖论 话题转向 Tesla 的全自动驾驶系统（FSD）。Joe Rogan 坦言自己过去很长一段时间都排斥自动驾驶，喜欢凡事亲力亲为掌控方向盘；但最近这一年，尤其深夜在喜剧俱乐部 Comedy Mothership 演完出、和朋友嬉笑打闹完开车回家时，他实在不想再费神去盯着路况。他会直接拨通老家朋友的电话，任由车子全权代劳。Joe Rogan 赞叹道：“I call like a buddy of mine back home and we're talking on the phone and I'm literally just sitting down and the car is doing everything, stopping at every red light.” 车子可以平稳地处理所有红绿灯和复杂路况，他只要坐着聊天即可。 大家随之展开了一场关于自动驾驶与饮酒、盲人权益的幽默探讨。众人提问喝了酒能否借此合法回家？Joe Rogan 澄清绝对不行，车内配有面向驾驶员的摄像头，只要人坐在驾驶座上哪怕开了 FSD，醉驾依然违法。但有人提出，如果车子未来支持彻底无人化的“Cybercab 模式”，车主是否应当被允许喝醉后坐在后排让车把自己送回家。更离奇的是目前社会上正在讨论让盲人使用全自动驾驶。几人调侃道，如果盲人坐在驾驶座依靠语音输入告诉导航去哪里，一旦像日常使用 Siri 或 Apple Maps 那样频繁发生听写识别错误，盲人根本不知道被带去了何方；从安全角度对比，“你宁愿车是由醉鬼开，还是由盲人开？”成为了荒诞的笑点。 - Tesla 车载车内摄像头持续监控驾驶员注视方向，醉酒或分心坐在主驾依然属于违法行为。 - 语音交互和车载导航常出现误识别地名的情况，目前尚不足以保障盲人全独立乘车。 - Tesla 的智能召唤（Summon）功能已可让车辆在商场停车场自行驶出并接驾，但在多层机场车库等复杂封闭场景仍有局限。 --- ### [01:50:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6605s) 自动驾驶技术演进：Tesla 视觉方案与 Waymo 激光雷达 谈及 Tesla 系统的技术进化，众人回顾了 2017 至 2018 年代初期的 Autopilot。当时的系统在好莱坞 Laurel Canyon 等弯道上虽然能居中车道，但不会识别停标志（Stop Signs）和红绿灯，过弯也相当颠簸，让人手心冒汗。而如今最新的 FSD 已经极其成熟，甚至提供了多种驾驶模式（慢速蜗牛模式、普通模式、激进的“赶时间”模式），前方若有慢车挡道会自动变道超车。即便技术如此强悍，Joe Rogan 承认自己双手依然会虚搭在方向盘附近以防万一，眼睛虽然四处看，但潜意识依然在保持警惕。 ```mermaid flowchart LR accTitle: 自动驾驶感知路线对比 accDescr: 对比 Tesla 纯视觉方案与 Waymo 激光雷达路线在系统依赖上的差异 subgraph Tesla["Tesla 方案"] T1["纯视觉摄像头 (Cameras)"] --> T2["端到端神经网络处理"] T2 --> T3["依赖车端算力与视野"] end subgraph Waymo["Waymo 方案"] W1["激光雷达 (LiDAR)"] --> W2["高精地图与网络回传"] W2 --> W3["网络瘫痪时易全网抛锚"] end ``` 节目的最后，众人探讨了不同无人驾驶技术的系统脆弱性与严重事故。有人回忆在奥斯汀市中心曾发生过一起持枪枪击案，当时一辆 Waymo 居然径直开进了警方和开枪嫌疑人交火的中间并卡在路中央，将整个现场完全封死，导致奥斯汀官方一度叫停其运营数月。此外，若在一个交叉路口同时汇集了多辆 Waymo，算法常因无法协调路权而全体瘫痪。针对技术路线的争论，众人指出：“So, Waymos operate on LiDAR, whereas Teslas operate on cameras. So, the problem with LiDAR, when the grid goes down, so does the car.” 在旧金山由于网络故障曾导致大批搭载激光雷达的自动驾驶车瞬间死机抛锚，Elon Musk 随后在社交平台 Twitter 上直言“我早就警告过你们”，印证了纯视觉路线与重度依赖外部网络/高精地图路线之间的激烈冲突。 - 2017—2018 年早期的自动驾驶无法应对停止标志与红绿灯，如今已具备多级变道与多模式驾驶策略。 - Waymo 曾因驶入奥斯汀市区警匪枪火现场封堵道路，遭遇长达数月的停运整顿。 - 基于网络与激光雷达（LiDAR）方案的无人车在电网或通信网络宕机时容易出现大面积集体死锁停摆。 ### [01:52:10](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6730s) 自动驾驶、电网断电与韩国特斯拉越狱事件 讨论从自动驾驶汽车对外部网络的依赖展开。大家设想如果电网瘫痪或者发生大范围停电，像 Waymo 这样高度联网控制的自动驾驶车辆该如何应对：它们会直接在路中央熄火停下，还是会自动靠边停车？一旦整个社会完全依赖这些无人出租车，整个系统将成为黑客梦寐以求的攻击目标。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 自动驾驶断网与软件订阅逻辑 accDescr: 展示自动驾驶汽车面对电网故障、软件付费锁定以及跨国监管差异时的运转机制与争议。 subgraph GridFailure["电网与网络故障假想"] A["电网停电 / 遭遇黑客攻击"] --> B{"自动驾驶车辆响应"} B -->|"安全机制"| C["靠边减速停车"] B -->|"系统失控"| D["直接瘫痪在路中央造成拥堵"] end subgraph TeslaModel["特斯拉硬件与订阅机制"] E["出厂硬件预装 FSD 芯片与传感器"] --> F{"软件权限激活"} F -->|"常规模式"| G["每月支付订阅费用"] F -->|"极客逆向"| H["韩国黑客越狱绕过限制 (遭警方逮捕)"] end subgraph Regulation["监管与产地壁垒"] I["韩国法规审核"] --> J["仅通过美国产 Model S/X/Cybertruck"] K["中国产 Model 3/Y 无法正规开通"] --> H end ``` 谈到黑客技术，席间提到韩国最近发生的一起案件：几名技术人员因为黑入特斯拉系统、强行免费开启“全自动驾驶”（Full Self-Driving, FSD）功能而被警方逮捕。通常情况下，特斯拉车主必须按月支付订阅费才能享受这项服务，而这些程序员直接给整套系统越狱。随后他们查明，这不仅是逃避订阅费的问题——韩国的安全法规目前只批准了美国生产的 Model S、Model X 和 Cybertruck 运行 FSD 功能，而韩国本土流通的大量 Model 3 和 Model Y 是中国制造的，受限于法规无法通过官方途径开启该功能，因此这些黑客的行为实际上触犯了当地的交通与车辆安全法规。 - 韩国警方逮捕了利用越狱手段在特斯拉上破解开通 FSD 功能的程序员。 - 韩国安全法规仅对美国本土制造的 Model S、Model X 及 Cybertruck 开放 FSD 认证。 - 韩国市场上销售的中国产 Model 3 和 Model Y 无法通过传统官方途径激活 FSD，从而催生了逆向破解需求。 --- ### [01:53:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6780s) 汽车硬件订阅制的乱象与消费者的抵触情绪 围绕韩国破解事件，众人对当下汽车行业盛行的“软件订阅制”表达了强烈不满。很多车企在出厂时就已经把相关硬件和线缆装进了车身，但偏偏要通过软件将其锁死，逼迫车主每月掏钱订阅才肯解锁功能。有人直言自己连家里的扫地机器人（Roomba）和 Alexa 智能音箱都懒得连网，极其反感这类智能设备侵入生活。 席间大家探讨了这种商业模式的荒谬之处：“这东西本身具备这个功能，你却要我付钱才能让它发挥本来就能做到的事情，这感觉纯粹是在抢钱。”针对车机系统也有类似的吐槽：比如某些车企要求车主按月付费才能使用 Apple CarPlay，或者奥迪需要车主支付月费才能连接车内互联网。事实上，只要车主拿一根 USB-C 数据线插上手机，CarPlay 就能立刻工作，甚至在一些经过改装的 1968 年款老式肌肉车上都能通过后装套件免费使用 CarPlay。相比之下，通用汽车的 OnStar 紧急救援系统之所以收取月费，是因为背后有真实的呼叫中心和人工客服全天候轮班值守，属于服务和基础设施费用；而特斯拉或传统车企把早已装在车体内的现成技术进行软件锁死并按月收租，本质上就是在巧立名目榨取车主的钱包。 > “Am I buying this thing and this thing is capable of doing that? And then you want me to pay money so the thing can do what it already can do. It seems like you're just taking money from me.” —— Big Jay Oakerson --- ### [01:55:17](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=6917s) 特斯拉驾驶体验、动能回收与中国电动汽车崛起 聊到日常用车的真实感受，一位拥有特斯拉的车主分享了自己开了 10.6 万英里（约 17 万公里）的体验。纯电动汽车在日常养护上极其省心，不需要更换机油，甚至连刹车片都不用换。这是因为电动车具备强大的“动能回收制动”（Regenerative Braking）功能——只要抬起加速踏板，车辆就会自动减速制动并将动能反向转化为电能给电池充电。车主在路上看到红灯时只需提前松开电门，车辆便能稳稳停住，平时极少需要踩刹车踏板。 谈及全球电动汽车的竞争格局，有人提到在法国街头几乎见不到特斯拉，反而到处都是中国品牌比亚迪（BYD）的电动汽车，乘坐体验极为舒适且技术惊人。中国车企目前不仅制造日常代步车，还在打造性能极其夸张的新型超级跑车，其加速和性能指标甚至超越了美国本土能买到的多数顶级跑车。众人不禁探讨起为何比亚迪等中国电动汽车无法在美国市场自由销售。 与此同时，老派车迷对这种数字化车辆仍有排斥，表示自己更喜欢传统的双踏板燃油车，家里的伴侣开了八年燃油车也坚决拒绝开特斯拉。不过，特斯拉旗舰车型的性能毋庸置疑——以 Model S Plaid 为例，在路口遇到绿灯起步时，几乎在没有任何噪音的情况下，0 到 60 英里/小时加速仅需 1.6 秒，推背感令人震撼，操控性也同样优异。 > “You're just gone. No sound, no noise. 0 to 60 in 1.6 seconds. You're just gone.” —— Joe Rogan --- ### [01:56:55](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7015s) 电池衰减、野外充电设想与 Cybertruck 运货闹剧 尽管纯电动车性能出众，但续航和充电问题仍是许多人的顾虑。有嘉宾回忆自己曾经打算租一辆特斯拉，但在交接钥匙的最后一刻突然意识到自己得满世界找充电桩，便立刻打了退堂鼓。车主们解释说，如果在家里安装了家用充电桩，每晚停回家插上插头，设定到早上 7 点自动充满，日常在市区内往返通勤其实非常方便。 不过电池容量随着时间推移会出现物理衰减。一位老车主提到，新车提车时的最大续航里程为 310 英里，但随着每年以大约 10 英里的速度逐渐递减，如今满电续航已降至约 250 英里左右，这与智能手机用久后电池耐用度下降如出一辙，最终只能通过更换电池组解决。大家还聊到市场上出现的车载便携式太阳能充电板，宣传广告中常常展示人们去山里徒步时，把柔性太阳能板铺在汽车车顶上给电池涓流充电，一小时大概能补充十几英里的续航。众人戏谑这种广告就像疱疹药物宣传片里身体强健的演员在划皮划艇一样，充满脱离现实的理想化摆拍。 话题随后转向特斯拉最具争议的皮卡车型 Cybertruck。尽管该车的外观评价呈两极分化，但其实际工程技术与动力依然令人惊叹。有人分享了一则在高速上看到的滑稽场面：一辆 Cybertruck 后车厢装满了家具，由于车主没有用绳索捆扎固定，刚上高速公路家具就全部被大风刮飞在路上。众人调侃这跟车本身无关，“那是那个司机太蠢了，哪怕换成丰田 Tacoma 也会飞得一干二净”。 - 长期使用后，特斯拉最大续航里程会从最初的 310 英里逐渐衰减至约 250 英里。 - 市面上的车载便携式太阳能充电路透方案充电速度较慢，每小时仅能补充数英里到十几英里的电量。 --- ### [01:58:32](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7112s) 洛杉矶特斯拉复古汽车餐厅（Tesla Diner）的奇葩体验 最后，嘉宾们聊起了在洛杉矶打卡特斯拉复古汽车餐厅（Tesla Diner）的经历。原本以为这会是一个极具未来感的潮流地标，结果实际体验却让人大跌眼镜： 1. **菜单极其贫瘠**：作为一家主打传统美式风格的 Diner，整个菜单上居然只有大约 10 种菜品可选。 2. **巨幅露天电影专属特权**：餐厅外立面架设了两个巨大的露天电影屏幕，播放着不同的电影供顾客边吃边看。然而餐厅规定，只有开着特斯拉汽车到场的车主，才被允许把车停在指定车位里坐在车内边吃汉堡边看电影。非特斯拉车主虽然可以走进去买汉堡，但无法享受这种专属观影体验。 3. **招牌芝士汉堡水准欠佳**：在里面买到的芝士汉堡口感极差，令人难以下咽。 大家不由得讽刺道，埃隆·马斯克旗下的 SpaceX 连用机械臂在半空中夹住回收火箭的壮举都能做成，却连一个普普通通的芝士汉堡都做不好。“这又不是造火箭，这他妈只是个芝士汉堡啊！” > “It seems like if you can make a rocket get caught by a robot arm, you should be able to figure out a good cheeseburger. This is not rocket science. Literally.” —— Joe Rogan ### [01:59:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7175s) 汉堡之争与西班牙圣塞巴斯蒂安的顶级味觉体验 从快餐店 In-N-Out 员工的正常状态聊起，众人调侃起马斯克（Elon Musk）哪怕能造出火箭和电动车，却始终无法搞定一个好吃的汉堡。嘉宾们一致认为既然要以特斯拉的名义推出汉堡，就该把它外包给专业人士做成真正的硬货。Luis J. Gomez 自称在美食上是个无可救药的吹毛求疵者（snob），并当场宣称自己在西班牙的圣塞巴斯蒂安（San Sebastián）一家名为 Bar Desi 的店里吃到了“全世界最棒的汉堡”。Luis 解释道，他赚来的钱几乎都花在旅行上，这次是他带着儿子的父子之旅。圣塞巴斯蒂安不仅拥有庞大的饮食文化，其每平方米拥有的米其林星级餐厅数量更是冠绝全球。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 西班牙圣塞巴斯蒂安老牛肉汉堡制作逻辑 accDescr: 展示从老奶牛放养到汉堡肉饼调配及烹饪的完整流程 subgraph Sourcing["原料选材与喂养"] A["放养年老母牛 (老奶牛)"] --> B["纯天然食草喂养 (无玉米)"] end subgraph AgingBlending["熟成与研发"] B --> C["牛肉干式熟成 (突出深层肉香)"] C --> D["耗时两年研发黄金肥瘦比肉馅"] end subgraph Cooking["极简烹调"] D --> E["极简配料：仅加海盐调味"] E --> F["外部轻微炙烤，内部保持近乎生肉状态"] F --> G["搭配如奶油奶酪般质感与特制面包"] end ``` 谈及这款汉堡的独特之处，Luis 激动地形容它的内馅肉质近乎全生，肉泥与油脂融化在一起，口感宛如细腻的奶油奶酪，夹在蓬松的面包里。Luis 甚至直言：“I took the last bite of this burger and I got emotional. Like I had taken like ecstasy. I was like, it was the best thing I've ever eaten in my entire life.”（我咬下那汉堡的最后一口时，整个人都感动得快哭了，就像嗑了摇头丸一样。那是我这辈子吃过最美味的东西）。Big Jay 则提出了不同看法，他在社交媒体上看美食博主专程飞去品尝全球排名第五的汉堡，结论却是汉堡只要用料够好，其天花板是有限的，美国顶尖的汉堡与海外所谓的神级汉堡并没有天壤之别。然而 Luis 坚决反驳，表示那家店花了整整两年时间专门研发肉质与脂肪的黄金比例，其口感绝对独一无二，他甚至打算在未来几年内单为了再吃一次这款汉堡专程飞回西班牙。 - 圣塞巴斯蒂安的餐饮特色：每平方米拥有的米其林星级餐厅数量位列全球第一。 - 研发周期：Bar Desi 耗费两年时间研究牛肉的肥瘦搭配比。 ### [02:01:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7307s) 老牛老肉：西班牙牛排的熟成之道与极致脂肪 Joe Rogan 随即点出西班牙烹饪体系的一大核心特色——选用上了年纪的老牛（老奶牛）。他提到在名厨 José Andrés 开设的 Bazaar Meat 餐厅就能吃到这种老龄牛肉，肉味极具厚度、极其浓郁。Joe 分析说，普通超市出售的肋眼牛排大多来自仅有一岁半左右就被迅速催肥宰杀的肉牛；而西班牙经典牛排馆（如 Casa Julián）则是将长期只吃天然牧草、从未进食过玉米的老牛牛肉进行深度熟成。 在浏览屏幕上的西班牙牛排馆视频时，大家注意到其牛排的脂肪呈现出一种特殊的深黄色，正是纯草饲与长期生长的直接印记。当地老厨师们往往在厨房里干了数十年，烹饪手法极其返璞归真：直接将切好的厚切牛排置于炭火上，仅仅撒上大量粗盐，将两面炙烤焦香，内部却依然保持鲜红的 rare（一分熟）嫩度。谈及如果余生只能选择吃一种食物时，Joe 坚定地选择了肋眼牛排（ribeye），并指出：“Because I You need If you only had one thing, you need fat. And the problem with elk meat, which I love, is that you have to have fat with it.”（因为如果只能吃一样东西，你必须摄入脂肪。我最爱的麋鹿肉虽然好，但它必须搭配脂肪——我通常要配培根或牛油果吃，因为它全是高密度的纯蛋白质）。而如果是为了纯粹满足肉类与油脂的终极平衡，含有充足脂肪与优质蛋白的肋眼牛排无疑是唯一之选；Steve 则表示自己可以一辈子只吃寿司，哪怕有重金属汞超标的风险。 - 传统西班牙牛排馆特点：采用纯草饲老牛肉，脂肪天然呈深黄色，仅用海盐调味，碳火炙烤且内里保持 rare 状态。 - 肉类营养对比：麋鹿肉虽然是致密优质的纯蛋白质，但极度缺乏脂肪；相比之下，肋眼牛排自带完美油花，可满足长期营养生存需求。 ### [02:05:30](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7530s) 深夜的妥协：麦当劳、麦香鱼与工业快餐的幻觉 话题随后转向快餐与放纵餐。几位喜剧演员探讨起是否会光顾麦当劳。Joe Rogan 坦言自己在巡演途中演出结束后，如果半夜全城只有麦当劳还在营业，自己偶尔喝高了也会去买个麦香鱼（Filet-O-Fish）或者双层吉士汉堡/四分之一磅牛肉堡（Quarter Pounder）。Big Jay 吐槽某些麦当劳门店过了午夜就拒绝供应麦香鱼，简直令人抓狂。 他们对麦香鱼的工业本质进行了毫不留情的拆解。Joe 笑称大家其实心里很清楚，麦香鱼根本算不上什么健康深海鱼肉，不过是一块被胶水粘合在一起并裹面油炸的不知名碎肉块。Big Jay 顺势提起了喜剧演员 Sam Tripoli 的经典段子：“麦香鱼当年只卖一美元。你在宠物店买条小金鱼都得花三块钱，一美元怎么可能买到真正的整鱼？” 除了鱼堡，大家对麦当劳食品的工业感也感触颇深： - 面包的甜味：四分之一磅汉堡的面包胚含糖量极高，入口明显能尝到异常的甜味，完全不像天然普通的面包。 - 工业风味的统一性：麦当劳的每样东西似乎都裹着一层类似的薄膜，汉堡的味道隐隐约约和炸薯条一模一样，甚至连喝可乐时都能尝出那一股独有的麦当劳汉堡味。 - 防腐与不变形：众人谈到网络上流传已久的麦当劳汉堡放置数年不腐坏的实验视频，以及某些欧洲国家因此全面禁止麦当劳进驻的逸闻。 ### [02:07:13](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7633s) 麦当劳的防腐剂传说与快餐拍摄内幕 大家从博物馆里展览的“最后一个麦当劳汉堡”聊起——据说那个汉堡放了将近二十年居然完全没有腐烂，长相和刚买时一模一样。众人调侃这就是美国人身体全被搞坏的原因，全拜防腐剂所赐。随后话题转到了快餐广告的拍摄内幕。有人分享自己拍麦当劳商业广告的经历，透露现场其实专门配有专业大厨现场精心制作汉堡，端出来的是全天下最完美的麦当劳汉堡版本，而现实店里卖的根本不可能长成那样。 现场调侃这种广告汉堡就像女演员的试镜大头照，“根本不是真人，也不是你在试镜或剧集里会见到的样子”。如今年轻人对麦当劳的要求已经降到极低：只要拿到手时是滚烫的、热气腾腾的，就会由衷觉得“这家麦当劳真不错”。因此买快餐最聪明的策略就是挑高峰期去，因为客流量大、出餐周转快，汉堡不会在保温灯下干瘪地放上大半天。 - 传闻中展示在冰岛等地博物馆的最后一个麦当劳汉堡历经约20年仍未腐烂。 - 商业广告拍摄现场会有专属主厨专门组装汉堡，打造与普通门市截然不同的完美品相。 - 保证快餐品质的最佳技巧是挑饭点排队时去买，以确保拿到周转最快、刚出炉的热食。 --- ### [02:08:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7684s) 绑架极端假设：温蒂汉堡、汉堡王与早年播客恶搞 深夜觅食时，大家一致认为温蒂汉堡（Wendy's）是目前连锁快餐里最稳妥、品质最高的汉堡选择。这引发了一段关于《Legion of Skanks》早期经典剧集的重温：当年克利夫兰绑架案震惊全美，绑匪阿里尔·卡斯特罗（Ariel Castro）将多名年轻女性囚禁在地下室长达数年，期间不断施虐致其怀孕并殴打导致流产，直至受害者逃脱求救。案情细节中提到，绑匪每天给受害者吃街对面买来的麦当劳。 当年在阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shafir）作为嘉宾的那期节目里，三人就此提出了一个极具地狱笑话色彩的脑洞：“如果你被变态绑架并锁在暖气片上，但每天能任选一家快餐作为唯一的慰藉，你会选哪家？”那期节目被命名为《Subway 也算快餐》（Subway Counts）。当时温蒂汉堡成为压倒性赢家，因为菜单丰富，有烤土豆甚至沙拉。席间有人嘲讽“在温蒂吃沙拉装健康简直是禽兽行为”，对方反驳道：“被锁在暖气片上时，吃沙拉至少代表你还在努力生活。” 随着乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）离席上厕所，大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson）接管话题，坚决力挺汉堡王（Burger King）。他盛赞汉堡王的早餐牛角包三明治（Croissan'wich）是行业先驱，长条炸鸡排堡也无与伦比，并直言：“我会毫不犹豫地把皇堡拿去跟你吹上天的那款西班牙汉堡硬碰硬。”路易斯·J·戈麦斯（Luis J. Gomez）则坚称自己在西班牙吃到的汉堡令人热泪盈眶，最后一口甚至让他感动得嘴唇颤抖；杰和史蒂夫则无情吐槽路易斯这根本不是汉堡的味道问题，而是因为从小缺乏父爱、内心存在未解决的心理创伤，才会把情感投射在一个汉堡上。 > “Apologetically, I will put the Whopper against that stupid Spain burger you had.” —— Big Jay Oakerson --- ### [02:11:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7863s) Skankfest 阵容、埃里克·安德烈与切特·汉克斯的牛肉 趁着罗根不在，大家顺势为自家的播客《Legion of Skanks》以及即将举办的喜剧节 Skankfest 大肆宣传，列举了今年豪华的演出阵容，包括阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shafir）、马克·诺曼（Mark Normand）、吉姆·诺顿（Jim Norton）、克里斯蒂娜·P（Christina P）、每年必到的蒂姆·狄龙（Tim Dillon），以及首次参演的埃里克·安德烈（Eric André）。 聊到埃里克·安德烈，话题立刻切到了他与汤姆·汉克斯（Tom Hanks）的儿子切特·汉克斯（Chet Hanks）之间的真实过节。安德烈在播客中曾公开吐槽切特是自己节目有史以来最烂的嘉宾之一，随后两人在一场漫展或喜剧现场后台狭路相逢，切特直接冲上前去堵人对峙，险些演变成肢体冲突。众人分析，安德烈的整蛊节目向来以搞疯嘉宾闻名，但切特当年上节目时早有防备，反客为主在片场胡闹，反而激怒了安德烈。 大家对切特·汉克斯的人设展开了热烈吐槽：身为好莱坞顶级老好人汤姆·汉克斯的儿子，哥哥科林·汉克斯（Colin Hanks）温文尔雅、完美继承了父亲的正统绅士戏路，而切特却满脖子文身，操着一口牙买加土语（Patois），在白人嘻哈痞子（wigger）与乡村歌手之间反复横跳。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 切特·汉克斯与埃里克·安德烈的冲突演变 accDescr: 展示切特·汉克斯登上埃里克·安德烈秀后引发的言语与线下冲突过程 subgraph Program["节目交锋"] A["切特·汉克斯登上 The Eric André Show"] --> B["切特反向捣乱破坏节目录制节奏"] end subgraph Aftermath["幕后牛肉"] B --> C["埃里克·安德烈公开称其为最差嘉宾"] C --> D["切特心生不满并在漫展/活动后台堵人对峙"] end subgraph Persona["切特的人设转变"] D --> E["从 R&B 转向说唱"] E --> F["最终融入说唱转乡村音乐风潮"] end ``` - 确认参演 Skankfest 的喜剧演员包括：阿里·沙菲尔、马克·诺曼、吉姆·诺顿、克里斯蒂娜·P、埃里克·安德烈，蒂姆·狄龙预计也将惊喜现身。 - 汤姆·汉克斯长子科林·汉克斯（曾主演电影《橘子郡男孩》）形象端正文雅，与次子切特·汉克斯满身刺青、言行出格的叛逆形象形成极端对比。 --- ### [02:12:36](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=7956s) 说唱转乡村风潮与“文化挪用”的双标闹剧 从切特·汉克斯涉足多种音乐风格，众人聊到了当下流行乐坛十分普遍的“说唱歌手转行唱乡村”（Rap to Country pipeline）现象。许多说唱歌手发现乡村音乐门槛相对较低、唱法容易，于是纷纷转型，典型代表如杰利·罗尔（Jelly Roll）以及叶罗沃夫（Yelawolf）。现场戏谑地总结道：“说唱歌手年轻时做了很多坏事，年纪大了找到上帝，于是就顺理成章转行去唱乡村音乐了。” 随后，切特早年因模仿牙买加口音被全网指责“文化挪用”（Cultural Appropriation）的陈年旧事再次被翻出。大家一致认为扣这种帽子极其愚蠢。席间谈到现实中最讽刺的文化挪用闹剧，莫过于一些头戴笔直金发假发的黑人女性，却在社交媒体上围攻并恐吓编了脏辫的白人年轻女孩，厉声喝斥她们“立刻把辫子给我拆下来”。大家调侃，编发造型从罗马时代乃至人类文明之初就已经存在，或者人家可能只是刚去巴哈马度假做了一个发型，动辄上升到文化掠夺完全是一场荒谬的道德审判。 > “I think you do a lot of bad things when you're a rapper, and then you find God.” —— 现场讨论说唱歌手转行乡村音乐的现象 ### [02:14:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8068s) 黑脸争议、时代变迁与名人的道德洗白 大家围绕社会观念的演变展开讨论，提到很多曾经司空见惯的事物，不知在什么时候就被大众打上“不可饶恕”的标签。有人感慨，如今很多人似乎是突然被告知“今天起你必须为此感到愤怒”。例如早年经典情景喜剧《家有仙妻》（Bewitched）中，剧中角色全员涂黑脸扮黑人（blackface），当时观众根本没当回事。当被问及这种敏感红线究竟何时真正成形时，大家猜测这与互联网的兴起脱不开干系，同时提到泰德·丹森（Ted Danson）当年在公开活动中涂黑脸被《纽约邮报》（New York Post）大肆报道，引发了巨大轰动；随后霍华德·斯特恩（Howard Stern）还在自己的电视节目中恶搞丹森，尺度甚至恶劣十倍。众人调侃斯特恩如今极力想要掩埋这些早年录像，但那些在 Channel 9 播出的疯狂画面早已留在电视史上。 接着，大家提到了知名民谣女歌手琼尼·米歇尔（Joni Mitchell）早年的惊人过往。播客嘉宾 Cody Tucker 曾专门做视频盘点过：作为以社会进步主义歌曲闻名的民谣巨擘，米歇尔在种族话题上却有过极为荒谬的举动。她曾在麦迪逊广场花园准备为穆罕默德·阿里（Muhammad Ali）报幕时，私下对琼·贝兹（Joan Baez）扬言要用极端种族歧视字眼介绍阿里，好在最终作罢；更夸张的是，在1977年专辑《Don Juan's Reckless Daughter》的封面上，出现了一位名叫“Art Nouveau”的黑人男性，而那实际上是米歇尔本人全身涂黑脸反串假扮的黑人男性分身（alter ego），且她多次以此形象登台演出。 针对米歇尔与斯特恩等人的转变，乔·罗根（Joe Rogan）指出，无论过去做过多少社会活动和正面贡献，在当下的取消文化中只要被挖出黑料就会被全盘否定。这也解释了为何许多有黑历史的人会极力向激进派靠拢，罗根对此总结道：“When you notice like men that go way overboard with the woke shit, they're usually got some shady shit in their past.” - 霍华德·斯特恩早年一边起大早做电台直播，一边兼顾电视台（如费城 WB 频道及 Channel 9）的节目，工作强度惊人且内容极具挑衅性。 - 文化俱乐部（Culture Club）的歌曲《Time (Clock of the Heart)》MV 中同样出现过涂黑脸的画面。 - 乔尼·米歇尔1977年的双唱片专辑《Don Juan's Reckless Daughter》封面以全身涂黑脸假扮黑人男性为特色。 - 乔·罗根与嘉宾探讨了“比尔·考斯比效应”（Bill Cosby effect）以及早年电台“惊愕摇滚（shock jock）”文化的演变：许多从前靠极端言论博眼球的人，为了获得主流民主党圈子的接纳，不得不全盘抛弃过去的作风。 --- ### [02:18:40](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8320s) Legion of Skanks 的生存之道与电台疯狂往事 路易斯·J·戈麦斯（Luis J. Gomez）回忆起《Legion of Skanks》播客开播约三年时，大杰·奥克森（Big Jay Oakerson）提出的天才定位——直接将节目宣称为“地球上最具冒犯性的播客”（the most offensive podcast on earth）。路易斯表示，这个标签让观众从一开始就清楚节目的尺度底线，正是这种开诚布公让他们多年来无论说了多离谱的言论，也从未真正翻车被封杀。乔·罗根对他们的运营模式大加赞赏，指出他们很早就摒弃了被广告商绑架的传统盈利路线，毅然采用粉丝付费订阅制（如同安东尼·库米亚创立的 Compound Media），从而能肆无忌惮地保持原汁原味的混沌风格。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Legion of Skanks 独立运营模式 accDescr: 展示节目如何通过清晰定位与订阅制维持内容自由 subgraph 定位与免责 A["明确标签：'地球上最具冒犯性的播客'"] --> B["观众建立心理预期，免于道德审查"] end subgraph 商业闭环 C["摒弃传统广告赞助"] --> D["早早转向付费订阅制"] D --> E["保留极致混沌/冒犯的内容风格"] end B --> E ``` 顺着这种毫无顾忌的硬核幽默，罗根回忆起当年在《奥佩与安东尼》（Opie and Anthony）卫星电台节目中的疯狂经历。其中最臭名昭著的桥段莫过于“喂雏鸟”（Baby Bird）：当时比尔·伯尔（Bill Burr）、阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shaffir）和罗根都在场，由于罗根当时主持《挑战恐惧》（Fear Factor），他便提议让电台实习生帕特·达菲（Pat Duffy）把头架在桶上，由另一个人将喝下去的东西直接吐进达菲嘴里。这个挑战后来成了电台史上最令人作呕又最具标志性的混乱瞬间之一。 - 阿里·沙菲尔早年因在《国家讽刺》（National Lampoon）相关视频中扮演“神奇种族主义者”（The Amazing Racist）而走红，该角色由电视购物巨星 Shamwow 男孩（Billy Mays / Vince Offer）制作，曾在沙菲尔职业生涯初期引发无数麻烦。 - 路易斯·J·戈麦斯和大卫·史密斯（Dave Smith）当年在租借的录像带中看到“神奇种族主义者”时惊为天人，后来结识沙菲尔本人时更是深感震撼。 --- ### [02:21:31](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8491s) 重温《奥佩与安东尼》“喂雏鸟”高呕吐量视频 录音室众人一起通过屏幕调出当年的经典历史影像。视频由当年专门转播这类地下电台内容的网站（如 foundrymusic.com 或早期的 Paltalk 直播）保存下来。画面中，一名患有糖尿病的电台工作人员挑战连续喝下整整75杯烈酒射手杯（shots）。乔·罗根向众人详细描绘当时不可思议的现场状况，并向甘愿当受害者的电台实习生致敬：“Pat Duffy. Shout out to Pat Duffy. He was the intern.” 视频中，挑战者喝下最后一杯后胃部彻底失控，喷涌而出的呕吐物无论从体量还是冲击力来看都极为骇人，甚至超越了常理认知，场面荒诞到如同卡通动画。录音室的几位嘉宾看着屏幕上的高能画面连连爆笑与惊呼。罗根等人看着浑身沾满呕吐物的挑战者以及正下方仰着头张嘴接住呕吐物的达菲，感叹这一幕是毫无争议的广播界神级名场面，即便以当下超高画质的眼光回看，当年的疯狂与视觉冲击依然让人叹为观止。 - 挑战者在连续喝下75杯酒后爆发的呕吐量大到令人窒息，当场喷溅并覆盖了全身衣服与周围区域。 - 整个恶搞过程最初仅由2003年左右极低像素的翻盖手机记录，但其粗糙画质反而加深了地下恶搞喜剧的原始狂野质感。 ### [02:23:15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8595s) 《Opie and Anthony》与播客形态的诞生 嘉宾们回忆起昔日传奇广播节目《Opie and Anthony》（简称 O&A）的终结，感叹其落幕方式就像一支摇滚乐队的彻底崩解。大家一致认为，O&A 以及《Ron and Fez》等节目是当今播客形式的真正摇篮。传统广播往往充斥着呆板的条条框框，例如必须提前准备三个固定话题来抖包袱、切分明确的节目板块；而 O&A 则完全是一种“朋友聚会闲聊”（a hang）的开放形态，允许嘉宾畅所欲言、肆意互损。 更为关键的是，O&A 比同时期的霍华德·斯特恩（Howard Stern）更加懂喜剧。他们会邀请大量顶尖的单口喜剧演员同台，主持人退居其后，让演员们彼此猛烈开火。与斯特恩那种始终由主持人牢牢主导、以自身为绝对核心的一对一访谈完全不同，走进 O&A 的演播室，嘉宾们立刻就会遭到吉姆·诺顿（Jim Norton）、里奇·沃斯（Rich Vos）或帕特里斯·奥尼尔（Patrice O'Neal）的无情调侃与轰炸，现场瞬间乱成一团却极具娱乐性。嘉宾们特别提到了帕特里斯第一次被沃斯带进演播室的传奇名场面：在仅仅三秒钟内，帕特里斯就反客为主掌控全场，十秒之内把沃斯喷得体无完肤，以压倒性的气场统治了整个房间。 ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: 广播节目形式演变至现代播客 accDescr: 对比传统广播、O&A模式与现代播客的传承关系 subgraph Traditional["传统广播模式 (如早期 Stern 节目)"] A["固定板块与预设段子"] --> B["主持人严格掌控对话节奏"] B --> C["嘉宾处于被动受访地位"] end subgraph OA["Opie and Anthony 模式"] D["无拘无束的即兴闲聊 (Hang)"] --> E["顶尖喜剧演员同台互怼"] E --> F["形成野生、失控的真实幽默"] end subgraph Podcast["现代喜剧播客 (Legion of Skanks 等)"] G["完全继承 O&A 基因"] H["反对说教与词汇审查"] I["还原酒吧好友畅饮聊天的粗粝质感"] end OA --> Podcast ``` - 嘉宾们指出，现代喜剧播客（包括《Legion of Skanks》自身）的听众群体，许多都是当年 O&A 节目的直接精神传承者。 - 人们对被居高临下地训诫、被规定该说什么词不该说什么词感到极度厌烦，大家想要的不过是像在酒吧或朋友家喝着啤酒随意吹水、互相调侃的纯粹娱乐体验。 --- ### [02:25:47](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8747s) 霍华德·斯特恩的演变、网络时代的恶意与“害虫”听众 话题随后转向霍华德·斯特恩这些年来的转变。几位主持人坦言自己曾是斯特恩的长年铁粉，但近年来大多已不再收听。这并不完全是因为所谓的“觉醒文化”（woke），很大程度上是因为人的生理年龄到了某个阶段，自然不再想去做诸如让色情女星搞“疯狂运动会”之类的低俗噱头；同时斯特恩本人的社会圈层也发生了质变，不仅与许多曾经在节目里羞辱过的宿敌（例如凯茜·李·吉福德 / Kathie Lee Gifford）冰释前嫌，甚至在访谈中温和地聊起对方写给亡夫的歌曲，彻底融入了上流社会的晚宴文化。 Joe Rogan 剖析指出，斯特恩早期做广播时没有互联网，主持人根本收不到实时的大众反馈。然而当 Twitter 和 Instagram 兴起后，评论区立刻涌入铺天盖地的恶毒言论——因为这种恶毒正是斯特恩自己当年亲手培育出来的文化土壤。这与 O&A 的听众群体“害虫”（the pests）如出一辙，那些听众极其凶残，到最后甚至反噬节目，将折磨和围攻主持人当作最大的乐事。互联网的出现一方面让“道德标榜”（virtue signaling）变得廉价而上瘾，随便发一句自命清高的话就能收获点赞；另一方面，当舆论开始翻旧账围攻斯特恩过往言论时，他早已失去了当年那支能用更大声浪替他反击的死忠铁杆大军。 - 斯特恩在全盛期掌控着广播市场，行事极其霸道，面对任何潜在竞争者都会将其全家骂得体无完肤。 - 尽管当时所有广播人都在模仿斯特恩的风格，斯特恩却极度抗拒被模仿，甚至誓要整垮任何敢涉足喜剧广播的后辈，不允许任何人染指自己开拓出的这片领域。 - 直到后来加盟天狼星卫星广播（SiriusXM），斯特恩才不再执着于传统 FM 广播的排他性竞争，转而在事后以宽容姿态夸赞同行是“优秀的广播人”。 --- ### [02:28:50](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=8930s) 稀缺资源时代的内耗 vs 开放播客生态 Joe Rogan 和嘉宾们深入探讨了传统媒体环境与现代播客生态的本质差异。在传统的地面无线广播时代，早间通勤黄金时段（早上 6 点到 10 点）全国仅有极少数的时段名额，这个位置几乎被斯特恩一人独霸。而在电视界同样如此，全美想主持《今夜秀》（The Tonight Show）的人成千上万，却只有那一两个位子，导致喜剧演员之间充满敌意与算计，正如当年杰·雷诺（Jay Leno）不得不躲在壁橱里偷听高层开会讨论大卫·莱特曼（David Letterman）事务的著名行业轶事。 “So everybody realized this isn't a feast or famine anymore.”（所以每个人都意识到，这不再是旱涝不均的零和博弈了。）Joe Rogan 这样总结播客带来的范式转移。如今播客面向全球受众，不存在“你占了某个电台时段我就没法做节目”的零和竞争，市场空间无限广阔，喜剧演员们也终于能够互帮互助、友好共处。 回溯 90 年代和 2000 年代初的喜剧界，各大电视网（ABC、NBC、HBO）的星探去喜剧俱乐部巡查，总能让全场演员神经高度紧绷。在那个年代，拿到一份电视网的“开发协议”（development deal）足以彻底改变一个演员的命运，却也引发了巨大的心理压力与人生悲剧。嘉宾们最后提到了喜剧演员迈克尔·“小鸡”·鲁夫（Michael "Chicken" Roof），他在当年凭借独特风格迅速蹿红并在行业内声名大噪，然而在残酷的演艺圈起伏中，最终走向了自杀的悲惨结局。 ### [02:30:29](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9029s) 选拔秀的虚妄与年轻经纪人的盲从 在讨论 Montreal “New Faces” 喜剧选秀的过往与现状时，几位嘉宾感叹现在的演员即便入选，也不大可能当场拿到确定的合约；但在过去，进入 New Faces 几乎意味着能带着保留合约或开发协议满载而归。众人谈及一个令人唏嘘的案例：曾有一名演员拿下了当时史上最庞大的开发协议，金额高达百万美元，但整个过程令同行极度困惑。大家看他的表演完全无法理解笑点何在，而那些刚入行的年轻经纪人根本不懂喜剧，只是听到剧场里的动静就盲目跟风，误以为自己发现了旷世奇才。 结果该项目彻底泡汤，毫无实质成果产出。随着事业的彻底崩塌，这名演员在多年后走向了极端，选择在一所学校前自缢身亡。Joe Rogan 犀利地剖析了行业内这种脱节现象，指出：“And agents, a lot of agents, especially the young ones, these are young kids. They don't understand comedy. They don't know what the fuck is going on. They just hear noise like, 'He's amazing. He's so talented.'” 这种缺乏专业眼光却手握巨资的盲目追捧，最终酿成了不可挽回的悲剧。 --- ### [02:31:24](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9084s) 传奇胖子演员 Ollie Joe Prater 与 Ralphie May 的硬核台风 话题随即转向喜剧界的荒诞奇闻与老派肥胖单口演员。众人聊起曾在 The Comedy Store 拥有传奇地位的 Ollie Joe Prater。传言称他晚年身体极度沉重，甚至无法正常走上舞台，剧场不得不在暖场嘉宾演出时，用一张防水布（tarp）将已经坐在台上的他罩住；等前一位演员表演结束，工作人员一把掀开防水布，他便立刻开始表演，观众甚至会误以为那堆帆布下面盖着的是一套架子鼓。 相比之下，众人对 Ralphie May 表现出了极大的敬佩。无论 Ralphie 的体重膨胀到何种程度，他每一次都坚持亲自走上台去握住麦克风。Big Jay 讲起在 Bonnaroo 音乐节上的荒诞画面：Ralphie 霸占着一辆专属高尔夫球车的后座穿梭于现场，随行人员还在音响轰鸣的内场前排为他支起一把椅子；当 Kendrick Lamar 在台上震撼演出、低音猛烈轰鸣时，Ralphie 竟然在震耳欲聋的 Marshall 音箱阵列前仰头大睡。 - **Ari 的第六感**：在 Bonnaroo 返程航班被取消后，Ari Shaffir 决定留在当地陪 Ralphie 待几天，直觉感到“我们可能没有多少时间能再陪 Ralphie 了”，几个月后 Ralphie 果然离世。 - **顽强的肉体**：Ralphie 曾多次做胃缝合手术，但每次都以惊人的食欲强行撑裂缝合线，不得不返工重做。 - **随身公文包**：某次同台时，Ralphie 甚至插着导尿管，尿管从裤腿直接通向他手提的公文包，他就提着装满尿液的包若无其事地登台炸场。 - **Dublins 的统治力**：Ralphie 在 Dublins 演出时节奏极快（“bang bang bang”），配合浓重的南方口音，控场效果无可匹敌。 --- ### [02:33:56](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9236s) 休斯顿 Laugh Stop 黄金时代与 Ari 的阴毛胡子挑战 休斯顿的 Laugh Stop 俱乐部曾是孕育全美顶尖喜剧天才的摇篮，走出过 Sam Kinison、Bill Hicks 以及 Barry Sobel、Matty Kerschen 等实力派演员；波士顿虽然也盛产像 Steve Sweeney 这样备受同行推崇却未能大红大紫的硬核单口人，但休斯顿在喜剧史上的地位极为独特。 随后，Big Jay Oakerson 和 Luis J. Gomez 回忆起早年《Legion of Skanks》节目中针对 Ari Shaffir 的一次经典惩罚。当时 Ari 留着大胡子，开玩笑说想剃个希特勒式的小胡子。为了兑现赌局惩罚，Big Jay、Luis 和 Dave Smith 三人各自剃下了自己的阴毛，搜集起来用睫毛胶/皮胶（spirit gum）现场粘在 Ari 的人中上。Luis 亲自动手贴毛，当手指移开、露出完整的“阴毛希特勒胡”时，所有人笑到窒息。看到当年的录像画面，几人再次爆笑，Luis 感慨道：“I've never been happier than in that moment. That was that was my peak.” ```mermaid flowchart TD accTitle: Legion of Skanks Prank Workflow accDescr: Diagram showing how Big Jay, Dave Smith, and Luis J. Gomez created the fake mustache for Ari Shaffir. subgraph S1["毛发采集阶段"] D1["Dave Smith 剃毛"] J1["Big Jay 剃毛"] L1["Luis J. Gomez 剃毛"] end subgraph S2["制作与粘合"] C1["汇集三人阴毛"] G1["Ari 人中涂抹 Spirit Gum"] C1 --> M1["人工塑形为希特勒小胡子"] G1 --> M1 end subgraph S3["最终呈现"] M1 --> R1["移开手指完成定型"] R1 --> E1["Ari 极度嫌弃但滑稽拉满"] end D1 --> C1 J1 --> C1 L1 --> C1 ``` --- ### [02:36:28](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9388s) Ari 的身体异状与“按自己意愿活着”的终极自由 荒诞的回忆越扯越远，大家聊起 Ari 身体上的奇葩细节。Luis 坦承自己曾经长了痔疮并在节目上展示，结果 Ari 不屑地表示那根本不算什么，随即脱下裤子弯腰让 Luis 帮他掰开臀部查看，Luis 惊恐地形容那场面看起来就像《怪奇物语》里的魔王 Demogorgon，又像是《养鬼吃人》（Hellraiser）里被锁链拉扯外翻的魔盒。众人透露 Ari 动过两次肛门修复手术切除息肉，至今上厕所后仍习惯在臀缝里塞卫生纸条以防渗漏。 尽管言语间充满恶趣味的调侃，所有人对 Ari 的生活哲学却充满了由衷的赞叹。Big Jay 和 Joe Rogan 一致认为，Ari 即使不去追求体育馆级别的大型巡演，也在单口喜剧界留下了最深刻的烙印，因为他在以最纯粹的方式定义成功。Luis J. Gomez 总结道：“I say he's like he's the architect of his own happiness. He's created a world that he's like, 'This is what I want to do. This is the best version of me. This is what makes me happy and that's what I want to do.'” - **无视行业常规**：其他播客主都严格恪守每周固定更新的铁律，Ari 却可以随性停更播客半年甚至一年，完全不被商业规训绑架。 - **纯粹的日常掌控**：他每天早晨醒来睁开双眼，完全只做自己想做的事，彻底摆脱了外界压力的束缚。 ### [02:38:35](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9515s) 阿里·沙菲尔的喜剧专场与流浪式生活 大家将话题转向喜剧演员阿里·沙菲尔（Ari Shaffir）。除了他在 Comedy Central 制作的节目《This Is Not Happening》之外，真正确立他行业地位的是他的单口喜剧专场《Jew》。现场有人回忆当时观看专场录制时的感受，感叹那是无比精彩的演出。阿里为这部作品倾注了大量心血，长期专注于这一极为具体的创作主题，内容打磨得极其扎实。然而，科比·布莱恩特（Kobe Bryant）意外去世后引发的网络风波导致阿里一度暂停了该项目的推进。朋友们当时极力劝他重拾项目并正式发布，最终专场上线后获得了极高的播放数据与盛赞。大家一致认为，阿里移居纽约后脱胎换骨，晋升为顶尖级别的单口喜剧演员，正如其中一人评价道：“He moved to New York and became like an elite level comedian.” 除了喜剧成就，阿里完全随心所欲的生活方式也令众人津津乐道。在洛杉矶生活期间，他就一直渴望成为一名纽约喜剧演员；如今他更是践行着极致的自由，经常直接丢下手机前往亚洲漫游六个月。在这期间谁也联系不上他，偶尔有人会收到莫名其妙的短信，询问某些琐事，甚至几条信息过后他才会补上一句“顺便说一句，我是阿里”。他独自前往乌干达、察沃（Tsavo），甚至跑到《星球大战》在突尼斯的外景拍摄地喝酒闲逛。面对完全没有计划的独旅，阿里向来是走到哪睡到哪，毫无伪装地活出了自己最真实的模样。谈及近况，友人调侃他一个月前在法国见面时正发福变胖，引得全场哄笑。 ### [02:40:38](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY&t=9638s) Skankfest 十周年盛典与脱口秀节目的落幕 节目进入尾声，众人开始为即将到来的喜剧节 Skankfest 宣传。该喜剧节定于 11 月 13 日开幕，被誉为“已知宇宙历史上最伟大的喜剧节”，目前单日票正在 skankfest.com 发售，周六的门票可能已接近售罄。本次是 Skankfest 举办的十周年纪念，同时也是相当长一段时间内最后一次在新奥尔良举办，规模格外盛大。 谈到 Skankfest 的招牌活动，大家热烈调侃了每年一度的“裸体吐槽对决”（Naked Roast Battle）。在这场严禁携带手机的演出中，参赛喜剧演员与评委全员一丝不挂。史蒂夫·兰纳齐西（Steve Rannazzisi）每年都担任评委，同台的还有杰森·埃利斯（Jason Ellis）以及成人影星。史蒂夫笑称自己裸体出镜十年已无秘密可言，为了制造新鲜感，有一年甚至把家里的电话号码写在背上，转身向观众展示。 现场对 Skankfest 的纯粹氛围赞不绝口。与其他商业气息浓厚的艺术节不同，Skankfest 绝不发放任何演艺行业内部通行证（industry passes），没有业内名流的社交审视，全场所有人纯粹是为了寻开心和大笑而来。正因如此，门票每年都会早早售罄，它已成为整个喜剧圈最狂野、最纯粹的盛会。最后，大家互相致谢并祝贺新成员加入，在轻松愉快的道别声中结束了本期播客录制。 - Skankfest 开幕时间：11 月 13 日，举办地为新奥尔良（New Orleans），恰逢十周年纪念。 - 门票销售情况：周六单日票基本售罄，观众需通过 skankfest.com 购票。 - 核心特色活动：全裸吐槽对决（Naked Roast Battle），全程严禁携带手机，评委包括史蒂夫·兰纳齐西与杰森·埃利斯等人。 - 运营原则：坚持不向演艺经纪与行业高管赠送通行证，保持演出最原始纯粹的搞笑初衷。 ## Video description Big Jay Oakerson, Luis J. Gomez, and Steve Rannazzisi are comedians and hosts of the "Legion of Skanks" podcast. Big Jay and Luis also co-host the "Story Warz" podcast. Big Jay co-hosts "The Bonfire" on SiriusXM, while Luis co-hosts "Real Ass Podcast" and "The Regz." Steve co-hosts "What's the Odds." All three are currently on tour. https://www.youtube.com/@bigjayoakerson https://www.siriusxm.com/blog/laugh-around-the-bonfire-on-faction-talk https://link.me/bigjayoakerson https://www.bigjaycomedy.com https://www.youtube.com/@TheRegzShow https://www.youtube.com/@LuisJGomezComedy https://gasdigital.com/RAP https://www.luisofskanks.com https://www.youtube.com/@srazz23 https://www.steverannazzisi.com Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE at https://ziprecruiter.com/rogan Use code ROGAN at https://BlueChew.com to get 10% OFF + Free Overnight Shipping on your first order. [Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgRhP4b20aY)

[0:01] Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. [0:04] >> The Joe Rogan Experience. [0:06] >> TRAIN BY DAY. JOE ROGAN PODCAST BY [0:08] NIGHT. All day. [0:12] >> Pretty balls move to do dressing out of [0:14] someone's ass and have that work out for [0:16] you night after night. [0:17] >> Bob Levy did that for 20 years. [0:19] >> Yeah. And I I don't think it ever [0:20] failed. I never think he had a night [0:21] where it was like, "Ah, dude. Well, keep [0:24] the dressing sealed." [0:25] >> How many times did that guy get pink [0:26] eye? [0:27] >> He must have. [0:28] >> It must be off the charts. He must be [0:30] like the number one pink eye patient. [0:31] >> Yeah. Well, when he wrote the when he [0:33] wrote the joke, it was definitely It's [0:34] like when a guy becomes a gynecologist, [0:36] he assumes like, well, it's all going to [0:37] be hot chicks coming to show me their [0:39] [ __ ] and then he has to end up doing [0:40] it to like fat Philly women cuz they [0:43] come on stage. [0:44] >> A guy who does that, like if if that's [0:47] what you're doing all the time, you're [0:48] working on vaginas. Like that's like a [0:51] cop who's like constantly pulling over [0:54] people who are lying to them. You just [0:55] assume everybody's [ __ ] up cuz you're [0:57] only dealing with like mostly broken [0:58] people. [0:59] >> Yeah. Yeah. [0:59] >> People breaking the law. You're only [1:01] dealing with broken [ __ ] [1:02] >> Yeah. The ones that are [1:04] >> Yeah. They're not The perfect ones [1:05] aren't in there. They're not like, "Hey, [1:06] does this still look perfect?" [1:08] >> By the time someone's going to a [ __ ] [1:09] do, especially a male [ __ ] doctor, [1:12] which is really odd. It's really odd. [1:14] All the different things that you could [1:15] choose to work on, the brain, the eyes. [1:18] You're like, eh, vaginas. [1:19] >> If you would ask me when I was 13, that [1:20] would have been my dream job. [1:21] >> Yeah. [ __ ] doctor. [1:22] >> You thought you thought you're like, [1:25] well, all these porn stars must have to [1:26] go to a doctor. I'll be that guy. I'm [1:28] not going I'm not going to [ __ ] doctor [1:30] school for eight years. That's crazy. [1:32] >> Yeah, there's got to be some of them [1:34] that are Well, a lot of a lot of doctors [1:37] uh get into drugs. They because they can [1:41] prescribe them and they prescribe them [1:42] to each other. Like uh like I have a [1:45] doctor friend and he's always on [1:47] something. He's always doing something. [1:48] He's always taking things like I need [1:50] this for that. I need this for that. [1:51] Like they just take a pill. Like there's [1:53] a lot of them. There's a book called [1:54] Dead Doctors Don't Lie by Joel Wallik. [1:57] interesting book, but what it's mostly [2:00] about like nutritional supplements and [2:01] how really nutrition is the foundation [2:03] of health, not going to the doctor, and [2:05] that most of these doctors are really [2:07] out of their [ __ ] head. And he was [2:09] just talking all these different stories [2:10] in the book about different doctors that [2:12] die of overdoses in the middle of a [2:14] [ __ ] operation. Like, [2:15] >> well, that's the number one cause of [2:17] death, right? Or one of the top causes [2:19] of death is malpractice by doctors. They [2:21] like hospitals are regularly [ __ ] up. [2:23] >> Yeah, they [ __ ] up. malpractice or [2:25] something happens during an operation is [2:27] like the third leading cause of death. [2:29] >> Yeah, [2:29] >> that's the worst. He goes, "All right, [2:30] we're going to cut that tumor out right [2:31] after I get these spiders out from under [2:33] my skin. [2:34] >> Call me right back. I have to go scratch [2:36] for a little bit away." [2:37] >> A friend of mine, his wife went to the [2:38] doctor cuz she had to get a kidney [2:40] removed and they removed the wrong [2:41] kidney. [2:42] >> What? [2:43] >> They removed the good one. [2:45] >> Oh. And then finished it and were like, [2:46] "You're good to go." And then you [2:48] figured out they [2:48] >> they figured it out afterwards and he [2:50] you know there's a lawsuit the whole [2:51] thing you know he won't what the pulled [2:54] it out. Do you think they were like, [2:55] "Looks good." I've heard people get the [2:58] wrong leg amputated. Like, there's a lot [3:00] of [3:00] >> What's the review process like on that [3:02] when they sit everyone down? Like, what [3:04] went wrong here? It's like, honestly, [3:05] everyone did everything right except for [3:06] the [ __ ] guy who got the wrong [3:08] [ __ ] kidney. [3:09] >> It's like everything else, man. There's [3:11] guys who are shitty drivers, but they [3:13] still have a license, you know? There's [3:14] guys who are terrible. [3:16] >> There's guys are terrible carpenters. [3:18] You hard hire them to build your house, [3:20] and you go over the work like, "What the [3:21] [ __ ] is this?" I think a lot of work [3:23] like that is it's just people always [3:25] that are willing to do it. Whether [3:27] they're good or not doesn't matter. [3:29] >> Just being willing to do it. Like I'm [3:30] not a willing to do it guy cuz I go, [3:32] "Well, I'll do it bad." But a lot of [3:34] people are just like, "I'll figure it [3:35] out." [3:36] >> Yeah. There's also just some [ __ ] [3:38] who was like, "All right, I'm going to [3:39] make it through law school and then [3:40] that's that." Like I could have gone to [3:42] law school technically and [3:44] >> No, you can do that. [3:45] >> Become a lawyer or go to medical school. [3:47] They make like movies about this. [3:48] There's like Bahamas schools you can go [3:50] to that like [3:52] >> really takes nothing. Anybody can get [3:53] in. Yeah. And if you know if you if you [3:55] graduate with C's, [3:57] >> you're a [ __ ] doctor. [3:58] >> If you go to medical school in Mexico, [4:00] can't you just take a test and then come [4:01] over here and be a doctor here? There's [4:03] no [4:04] >> Why does everybody always see the cab [4:05] drivers are doctors? [4:06] >> Well, there's a difference between [4:07] driving cars and like that's a big [4:09] problem with commercial vehicles. They [4:11] just give illegals commercial vehicle [4:13] operations and these [ __ ] don't [4:14] know how to drive these trucks at all. [4:16] And some of these huge accidents that [4:18] we've seen over the last few years, it [4:20] turns out that a lot of them are legal. [4:22] >> Oh, really? [4:22] >> Yeah. They just get But if you're a [4:24] doctor and you're a doctor, say, in [4:26] India and you go over in America, you [4:27] have to go through a whole lengthy [4:29] procedure to get licensed in America. [4:31] >> That's always like the joke of it. It [4:32] was like your cab driver. It's like, [4:33] well, I was a [4:34] >> Yeah. Spinal surgeon back where I'm [4:36] from, but now I smell like this. [4:38] >> Yep. You guys know that that story about [4:40] the the one guy who uh there was uh I [4:44] guess his kid like adult kid, but his [4:47] kid was like in a coma and they were [4:48] going to like take him off life support [4:50] and then the dad was like, "No, I I can [4:53] tell he's still there's something left [4:55] there. He's not going to die." And then [4:56] he brought a gun and he had like a like [4:58] a two-day standoff with like the police. [5:00] >> Oh, Jesus Christ. [5:01] >> And then his kid came out of the coma [5:02] and the kid survived. He went to jail [5:03] for like a year, but he saved his kid's [5:05] life. [5:05] >> Holy [ __ ] Wow. Did you have you seen [5:07] the phenomen? Everyone keeps reminding [5:09] me. I forgot about the Anne Hash when [5:11] they were taking her out like her dead [5:13] body basically and it popped up and sat [5:15] up and they shove her back down and put [5:17] her in the [5:18] >> big conspiracy. [5:19] >> Yeah. But she might have been dying. I [5:21] mean she was in a horrible car accident [5:23] where she ran into a house on drugs. [5:25] >> But they she was like in a body bag and [5:27] they pushed her back down. Yeah. Uh I [5:29] think she like comes out of it. I think [5:30] it's like unzipped. [5:30] >> Really? [5:31] >> What? She's popped back up. She popped [5:33] like the under. But apparently there's [5:35] phenomenon of that happening. Like [5:36] there's video you can see in morgs like [5:38] >> things happen in the body where the dead [5:40] person's like, you know, like their arm [5:41] will completely go up and so they just [5:43] like stiffen in a weird way. And [5:44] >> well, there's been people that they [5:45] brought to the morg that came back to [5:47] life. [5:47] >> That's crazy. I know. [5:48] >> That they thought were dead and weren't [5:49] dead. They just had such a low heartbeat [5:51] that they just assumed they're dead. [5:53] >> Uh some people just get to the door and [5:56] don't go through and pop back out. [5:58] >> But there's another problem. The problem [6:00] is organ donors, you know, um, in order [6:04] for you to do donate your organ, you [6:06] have to actually be alive. [6:08] So, the way they donate organs is like [6:10] if you die in a car accident and then [6:12] they weren't go to the hospital, he's [6:13] been dead for two hours. [6:15] >> They're not don donating any organs. You [6:18] have to be alive. [6:18] >> I thought that was the whole thing. They [6:20] can take my they could take my dead [6:21] organs. [6:21] >> Yeah, that's what you think. And so this [6:23] is the problem is if they want those [6:25] organs and they're pretty sure you're [6:27] going to die and you're not going to [6:28] make it, [6:29] >> they take them out of you while you're [6:30] alive. [6:30] >> The question is who makes the call? And [6:33] there have been times where people said [6:35] no, you're not going to do this and then [6:38] the person survives where they wanted to [6:42] make the call and start harvesting [6:44] organs. This person's dying. They're not [6:46] going to make it, but we would like his [6:48] kidney. It matches this guy [6:50] >> because they need them like I guess if [6:51] you die they start to rot. [6:53] >> Speculation. I don't know why. You know, [6:55] I don't know what the thing is, but [6:56] >> it's like hostile. [6:57] >> But what happens is you have to be alive [7:01] when they're actually pulling those [7:02] organs. [7:03] >> My brother-in-law, [7:04] >> so they'll say you're brain dead. [7:06] >> And maybe a lot of people are brain [7:08] dead. And look, I have a friend of mine [7:09] who has a fake heart. Not excuse me, not [7:11] a fake heart. He got a heart from [7:12] somebody else. He got a donated heart. [7:14] So it's like it really helps. [7:15] >> Yeah. My brother-in-law has uh my [7:17] brother-in-law has two lungs. He has [7:19] transplanted lungs. [7:20] >> Cold preservation. Typical windows [7:21] between organ recovery and [7:23] transplantation. So this is right after [7:25] they pull them out of the body. They [7:26] have to do it very quickly. But when [7:28] they pull them out of the body, I [7:30] believe you have to actually be alive. [7:31] >> Yeah. Yeah. That they can't be oxygen [7:33] deprived. It says, [7:34] >> right? Okay. So what does it say? [7:36] >> The kidney transplant is usually like [7:39] both people there, right? [7:40] >> Yeah. They just take one out and put it [7:41] in. That's a that's if you're like your [7:43] wife, like George Lopez, his wife [7:45] donated a kidney to him. So there's one [7:47] cut off. The key is whether the organs [7:49] are still getting oxygen, not simply how [7:51] long the person has been declared dead. [7:53] The biggest distinction between the [7:55] organs left without circulation and [7:56] organs that a doctor promptly recover [7:58] and preserve for transplant. So if like [8:01] at the moment where your heart stops [8:03] beating, they get it out of you. They [8:05] can probably use it. But this idea that [8:07] like you could be dead and then they [8:08] bring you to the morg and then they can [8:10] take your organs, that's not how it [8:12] works. [8:12] >> I I signed up to be a organ donor [8:14] because I assumed that it was like you [8:16] get into a car accident, you're dead, [8:17] they can you can give your or organs [8:19] away. But now it's like do they you [8:21] think they really give the 110%. Like [8:23] can I take that back? [8:24] >> Don't cut me open. They just hold your [8:26] license. I scratch that off my license. [8:28] Sorry, bro. Sorry, dude. That's what I'm [8:29] afraid of. I mean, I'm not accusing [8:30] anybody of doing this, but when you are [8:33] when you have a thing where you can [8:35] profit from it, [8:36] >> you run into like weird gray areas where [8:39] people can make subjective calls. They [8:42] can make a decision whether or not you [8:44] live or die and they might be wrong. [8:47] They might be right 99 times out of a [8:49] 100, but that one time if that's your [8:50] niece [8:51] >> and then you know what I mean? Like [8:52] that's someone you love, whoever it is. [8:54] And then [8:55] >> if it's me though, when I say if they're [8:56] going to kill me, if it's between [8:58] killing me to give someone whatever they [9:00] need from me, which I'm sure my organs [9:01] are garbage, [9:02] >> your fatty liver, [9:03] >> put your fatty liver into somebody. [9:05] >> Could you imagine? [9:07] >> So, we're going to take an enlarged [9:08] heart and put it into [9:12] >> fit into a smells like marb. [9:15] >> That Christian Slater was going to be on [9:17] the outside of his body. [9:19] >> He's like, "Oh, we have a black lung [9:20] here." [9:21] >> Sorry, bro. your dead feet. We just kind [9:24] of cleaned it out before we put it in [9:26] you. [9:27] >> That's a wild Yeah. My brother-in-law [9:29] has two lungs that aren't his. It's so [9:30] weird. [9:31] >> Oh my god. [9:32] >> And that's a life you have to live like [9:34] uh It's funny. He couldn't come see I [9:36] open for Shane at the Lincoln Financial [9:38] Field and my whole family came to that [9:40] in Philadelphia except my brother-in-law [9:42] because it was like [9:42] >> You saw Shane's SNL set? [9:44] >> No, it was the the it was Yeah. He was [9:46] against it. He uh you know that was the [9:49] wildfires in Canada that were causing [9:50] like smoke in the he was like he can't [9:52] go outside in that. It would be like [9:54] >> certain doom for him the rest of his [9:56] life and you can't take and for the rest [9:57] of your life you got to take anti- [10:00] uh you know rejection [10:02] >> uh medicine which is basically [10:04] >> imunosuppress [10:04] >> like giving yourself AIDS [10:06] >> right [10:06] >> just like sit there open everything it's [10:08] like well [10:08] >> but way less fun. [10:10] >> Yeah. I have a mild cough. I'll see you [10:12] guys in a month. [10:14] You guys know the Ben Ascrin story? [10:17] >> He almost passed away, right? Almost [10:18] died. He uh got an infection in his [10:22] lungs and was rotting his lungs out. [10:24] Like he didn't want to go to the [10:25] hospital. His wife talked him into going [10:27] to the hospital and they realized like, [10:28] "Oh, you're you've got holes in your [10:30] lungs. Like, you're going to die." And [10:32] then they had to do a double lung [10:35] transplant on a healthy, you know, elite [10:38] wrestler, former MMA champion. I'm going [10:41] to explain I want to explain to you the [10:42] kind of hypochondria I have is I now [10:44] feel that exact happening to my lungs as [10:47] we speaking. [10:49] >> Oh, that's what's happening. [10:52] >> Like the guys who get their faces torn [10:54] off and they get a full face transplant. [10:56] That that technology has gotten way [10:57] better. [10:58] >> It's gotten weird though cuz you got no [10:59] eyes so you don't face off for real. [11:01] >> What's your what's your will to live? [11:03] That's almost the point. If like if you [11:05] if you're an organ donor and it's like [11:07] the choice is you can give that organ [11:08] away or it's like you have a nice long [11:10] journey back [11:12] >> to being where people can at least like [11:13] appreciate you or listen to your ideas [11:15] again. [11:16] >> Yeah. [11:16] >> I don't know. Give the guy [11:18] >> a long pancreas. [11:19] >> Yeah. But it depends on like what it is. [11:21] Like sometimes people just come back and [11:23] they're fine. [11:24] >> Like whatever the like it's not like [11:26] every time you're almost dead it's the [11:28] same, [11:29] >> you know? It's it's it's just weird when [11:31] someone can make a decision as to [11:33] whether or not you live or die and it's [11:36] the wrong decision, but you're dead and [11:37] no one cares and then the hospital makes [11:39] money off of it. [11:40] >> You got to turn it over to God. Dude, [11:41] that's what uh Hulk Hogan, remember what [11:43] Hulk Hogan was talking to his son when [11:45] his son got into the accident and the [11:46] friend died and Hulk Hogan was on the [11:48] phone with his son. I think he's trying [11:49] to make his son feel better, but you [11:50] remember what he said? [11:51] >> No. [11:51] >> He was like, "I don't know what your [11:53] friend John did there to get wrong with [11:56] God, but [11:57] >> I guess he was like, what the [ __ ] [12:00] He wasn't saying his prayers. He wasn't [12:01] eating his vitamins. [12:03] >> His pythons were under 20 in. [12:05] >> Bro, when someone people start [12:06] interpreting the Bible in that way, [12:07] you're like, I don't think you're [12:09] reading it. I don't think that's how it [12:11] works. Like, you're supposed to say, [12:12] "I'm sorry, your friend's dead." [12:14] >> Yeah. [12:16] >> Not giving the reasons why you think he [12:18] died. [12:19] >> Also, the reason he died was his son [12:20] drove them into a treeund some miles. [12:24] >> The priest gets killed by the cross. [12:26] >> Oh, have I seen it? [12:28] I've watched this a thousand times. [12:29] Jesus, [12:30] >> this this priest [12:31] >> the craziest video because this poor guy [12:34] was in the middle of like wasn't he [12:36] talking about like that you have to get [12:38] right with God before you die? [12:39] >> I don't know the extra words [12:42] talking about like the exact Hulk Hogan [12:44] phrase. [12:45] >> This is the first This is the first time [12:47] the church ever was scrambling to find [12:49] some dirt on this guy, right? [12:51] >> Like you want to be like, "Oh, we found [12:52] out this guy I mean there's kids buried [12:54] all under the rectory." See, the thing [12:55] about those guys is they have to be [12:57] really careful because they all have [12:58] secrets. And if one guy rats one guy [13:00] out, then they start doing a deep dive. [13:03] >> Like [13:04] >> like Catholic priests and pedophiles, [13:08] they that's just linked. There's no way [13:11] you say Catholic priest to someone who's [13:13] our age or your age and in in any way it [13:17] doesn't enter into your mind. [13:18] >> Yeah. [13:19] >> Steve's brother is another Catholic, [13:20] which is hilarious. [13:22] I just completely though, right? He has [13:24] nothing. Yes, nothing shame [13:28] for sure. He probably has and we just [13:30] haven't found out yet. [13:31] >> Well, but he's like he's like it's a [13:32] tough thing when people like I I What's [13:35] tougher? Telling someone you're a comic [13:36] or telling someone you're a Roman [13:38] Catholic priest, but you have to like [13:40] put that like but I'm a great guy, you [13:41] know? Like I'm not a person that you [13:43] want to [13:43] >> I am disgusted by children's bodies. [13:46] >> Yeah, whatever. [13:46] >> You have to preface every conversation. [13:48] >> Oh yeah, bring your ugly kid over here. [13:50] I'd rather [ __ ] a dog. [13:52] >> What? [13:54] >> Excuse me? A dog? [13:56] >> Yeah. [13:58] >> I love dogs. [13:58] >> It's weird that that that those two are [14:00] just connected and we're we try to [14:02] pretend they're not. [14:03] >> Well, when was the blow up of it? [14:05] >> Was it the ' 80s? [14:06] >> Well, [14:07] >> 80s 90s where they were really It's like [14:08] they're move they're just moving them [14:10] around. It was like a girls gymnastics [14:12] coaches. They're just shuffling them [14:13] around [ __ ] parts of the country. And [14:15] >> there's a documentary called I think [14:17] it's called Here No Evil. is one of the [14:19] worst documentaries you could ever [14:20] watch. Like don't watch it. U but it's [14:22] basically about this Catholic priest and [14:24] they they take him from one place and [14:26] they move him to another place and I [14:29] think the story was that he molested a [14:31] hundred deaf kids. They moved him to a [14:33] place where the kids were all deaf [14:36] and he was just molesting these deaf [14:37] kids and this was one of the ones I [14:39] believe the story was this is the ones [14:41] that ratser you know that one pope that [14:43] was disgraced and removed he was [14:46] involved in that. So, a lot of these [14:48] guys before, you know, when they're [14:50] moving up the ranks, one of one of the [14:52] jobs is you take a Catholic priest [14:54] that's been molesting kids and you move [14:57] them. [14:58] >> You just move them to another area. And [14:59] they they've been doing that forever. [15:01] That was their standard policy. [15:03] >> And you know what they say, wherever you [15:04] go, there you are. [15:05] >> Yeah. [15:06] >> That's Dr. Seuss. That's right. [15:07] >> It was also a little problematic. [15:09] >> Yeah. Yeah. [15:10] >> Oh, yeah. By the way, I didn't know I [15:12] went to a I think it was in San Diego [15:14] once that American Comedy Club walking [15:16] around and there was like an art gallery [15:17] and it was doing a Dr. Seuss like [15:20] exhibit and you go inside and like very [15:22] quickly you're like yo [15:24] >> this guy drew a lot of uh pretty racist [15:27] stuff. [15:28] >> Oh yeah, he was problematic. [15:30] >> Oh yeah. [15:30] >> And old like uh was it Looney Tunes or [15:32] Warner Brother? There was a lot of stuff [15:34] racing there's you know the the big bad [15:38] wolf like what was it? We've seen this [15:40] before, Jamie. It's like the original [15:42] one from like the 1930s. So, there's a [15:44] big bad wolf that's banging on someone's [15:47] door. [15:47] >> Yeah. It's um Goldilocks. [15:49] >> And they pull the mask off and in the [15:51] original one, it's a Jewish guy. [15:54] >> Oh, really? [15:54] >> And they converted it to a wolf later. [15:57] >> Yeah. It's great. [15:58] >> It's great. [15:59] >> It's so funny. [15:59] >> You realize this was a cartoon for kids. [16:02] >> And ahead of their time, how accurate [16:04] they Jewish person was. Like, is that [16:07] Ari? [16:10] But it was like open. This is before [16:12] World War II, so it was just openly fine [16:15] to to in a cartoon. [16:17] >> There was a racism episode. I saw this [16:19] on YouTube recently, a racism episode of [16:22] Bewitched where like the, you know, the [16:25] blink wiggle the nose trick was to to [16:27] make this racist feel bad. They were all [16:31] he was going to see everybody as black [16:33] and it's the entire cast in blackface, [16:34] including the children. It's the [16:36] craziest [ __ ] thing I've ever seen. [16:38] Well, that is one of the wilder things [16:39] though, honestly, that you can't change [16:42] the color of your skin because it's [16:43] racism. You can't pretend to be of a [16:46] different race. [16:47] >> Well, back in the 80s and 90s, you can [16:48] just be like, "Oh, I'm a basketball [16:50] player. You can't just face my [16:51] Halloween." The amount of people that [16:53] have blackface Halloween costumes from [16:55] the 80s and 90s, and they're like, I [16:56] hope this never comes out. [16:57] >> Justin Trudeau. [16:58] >> But we are being conditioned to like [17:01] >> fear the thing at all. Exactly. Like, [17:02] I'm certain because I just watched [17:04] reruns of stuff when I was a kid that I [17:06] saw that bewished episode. But it didn't [17:07] strike me at all cuz I got that it was [17:09] like an anti-racism message. Do you know [17:11] what I mean? I got the point. I didn't [17:13] go just like still no matter what that's [17:16] But now [17:17] >> you're like [ __ ] you can't [ __ ] around [17:18] like that. [17:19] >> I didn't I didn't think anything about [17:21] >> most of those things people. [17:23] >> Yeah. Ted Dancing. Ted Dancer. [17:24] >> That was the thing that Ronny Rody Piper [17:27] when he when he wrestled Bad News Brown [17:28] at like Wrestlemania 6 or whatever, he [17:31] came out in half black body paint on his [17:33] whole body. Rody Rody Piper. [17:35] >> Half black is fine. That's fine. [17:36] >> That's not full black. [17:38] >> At Naked Roast a couple years ago, I [17:40] painted my [ __ ] black [17:41] >> and I was like, I just did black [ __ ] [17:43] and I was going to do black face and I [17:45] was started to put it on and Yamanika [17:47] walked by and I was like, ah, this isn't [17:48] a good idea. I just left it off. [17:50] >> Yanika would definitely go. [17:52] >> It's also [17:54] bad side. Jesus. [17:56] >> Also, blackface got like it's too [17:58] blanket statement because it shouldn't [18:00] be considered blackface if you're doing [18:02] brownface [18:04] >> because that was like that's the be [18:05] witch thing. Yep. [18:06] >> That's blackface, which I think [18:08] hilariously looks less offensive to [18:10] black people technically, but that's the [18:12] actual paint they would put on for [18:14] blackface. This is pitch black like the [18:17] Al Jolson days. [18:19] >> That's that watch those menstrual shows. [18:21] Those are crazy. [18:22] >> This is a good question. If let's say [18:24] you were getting in an organ, you got [18:25] into an accident and you needed [18:26] somebody's organ, but they were only [18:27] going to give you a black guy's organ. [18:29] Would you take it? [18:30] >> Uh, Steve, [18:31] >> yes, of course I would take it. I would [18:33] for real. [18:35] question. All right. What if they give [18:37] you a choice? They take a white guy's [18:38] heart or a black guy's heart and you get [18:40] to choose. [18:41] >> I want to know what they did. [18:43] >> Yeah. Give me their their [18:44] >> Tell me Tell me what these guys did with [18:46] their day. Did they eat fruits and [18:48] vegetables and work out all the day? [18:49] Give me the black guy. 100%. Give me the [18:51] guy who's healthy. That's what I want. [18:53] >> Black guy doesn't work out, but he still [18:54] has a better body. [18:57] >> Never worked out once. [18:59] >> This episode is brought to you by Zip [19:00] Recruiter. 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[19:57] That's ziprecruiter.comrogan. [20:01] Zip Recruiter. Meet your match on Zip [20:03] Recruiter. [20:04] >> He goes, "All right. Well, you're going [20:05] to live healthy, but you're never going [20:06] to dunk." That's the way it goes. [20:10] >> You got to weigh the good and the bad, I [20:11] guess, with everything. [20:12] >> There's trade-offs. It's weird because [20:14] white face is totally fine. Like white [20:16] chicks, like you could do white chicks, [20:18] too. [20:18] >> Of course, [20:19] >> no one will care. It was a funny movie. [20:20] I look forward to it. [20:21] >> Nobody cares. But it's it's it's such a [20:23] weird thing that you can't pretend to be [20:25] someone. [20:25] >> We should make Black. [20:27] >> That'd be a fun movie to make. Black. [20:29] >> Boy, you could go to town with that one [20:31] if you were really bold. [20:34] >> Oh yeah. [20:35] >> Yeah. Truski, dude. [20:36] >> I mean, that's hilarious. [20:38] >> Truski did. Erica Kirk. But the [ __ ] [20:41] people on the right, man, they lost [20:42] their [ __ ] minds thinking. [20:44] >> Did they really like [20:46] the tards? debate on that that much. [20:48] >> You know, the lowest IQ, farthest right [20:52] ding-dongs who are their whole identity [20:54] is like being an online MAGA person. [20:56] There's just like a low IQ version of [20:58] that that's out there that no matter [21:00] what you Oh, [ __ ] YOU. [ __ ] YOU. [ __ ] [21:02] TRAITOR. THERE'S there's those people. [21:04] [ __ ] TUSKI. I'LL NEVER LISTEN TO HIM [21:06] AGAIN. [21:08] >> And did you were you a big fan before? I [21:10] loved all his skits. [21:12] >> He's funny, man. And look, it's kind of [21:14] odd when your husband dies and then all [21:16] of a sudden you've got sparklers coming [21:18] out from behind your ass and you're [21:20] wearing glitter pants and you're walking [21:21] out like you're Led Zeppelin in 1977. [21:24] It's a little weird. [21:25] >> The Final Countdown should have played. [21:27] >> It's a little weird. I mean, I don't [21:29] judge people on how they grieve. I [21:30] wouldn't want to be the person who's [21:32] watches her husband get shot in the neck [21:34] and then see people celebrate how much [21:35] that would just psychologically [ __ ] you [21:38] up. And then I'm sure they probably put [21:40] you on some medication because it's [21:42] probably insane to deal with. So they [21:44] probably give you something to [ __ ] [21:45] calm you down. And so then they're like, [21:47] "Listen, Erica, this is what we're going [21:49] to do. We're going to have crazy music [21:51] and then sparklers behind you and you [21:54] come out." [21:55] >> Like what is this? That's his funeral. [21:56] >> Is this your sweet 16? [21:58] >> How long after he died did that happen? [22:01] >> Like a week. That was the the memorial. [22:02] It was like within a week. [22:04] >> It was. [22:04] >> The sparklers are wild. Like what are [22:07] we? And the memes were great. [22:09] >> But she got hair and makeup for sure. [22:10] You have to do you got to look good, [22:12] >> dude. All the memes that came out like a [22:15] car with like uh like fireworks shooting [22:17] off it doing circles and this uh [22:19] grieving my husband Eric. [22:21] >> Dude, I I've had an in-depth [22:22] conversation with my wife about what I [22:24] expect after I pass away. Like the [22:26] amount of grieving and the amount of of [22:28] consoling the like I don't even want her [22:30] to leave the house [22:31] >> for five or six months after. [22:33] >> I'm going to go the Kirk way, dude. I [22:34] went [ __ ] uh Bigfoot and Gravedigger [22:36] coming at each other over a bunch of [22:38] broken down cars. [22:39] >> Hell yeah. [22:39] >> Let's go big. [22:40] >> You swore on your wife's life last night [22:43] on Story Wars and we're lying. [22:46] >> Wait a minute. [22:47] >> Story Wars. [22:48] >> You're trying every [22:49] >> No, I I told the truth. I told the [22:50] truth. [22:50] >> You're trying every way to get her out [22:51] of your life without you having to do [22:52] anything. [22:54] >> Too much true crime now. [22:55] >> No, I expect full like inconsolable like [22:59] just, you know, wearing black a veil. I [23:02] want that level of like pain and sorrow [23:04] when I'm gone. [23:05] >> How long before a new guy comes along? [23:07] >> No. [23:07] >> Never. [23:08] >> Never. [23:09] >> To death, dude. [23:10] >> Wow. [23:11] >> To death. [23:11] >> Now, let's say she dies tomorrow. [23:13] Tragically, you back on the horse. [23:15] >> I'm a different I'm a different kind of [23:17] person. I require companionship. [23:19] >> I understand that. No one likes being [23:21] alone. [23:21] >> No, I don't want to be alone. Okay. But [23:23] that's my personality. [23:24] >> Yeah, that makes sense. [23:25] >> Her personality is what I'm telling her [23:27] that she has to be very sad when I'm [23:29] dead. That's the way it goes. Say it [23:30] with while pointing with a cigar also [23:32] does send a nice message [23:33] >> and you're going to be sad kid. [23:34] >> Yeah, once I die I don't care. Just [23:36] create me, you know, move on. I you know [23:39] I think that's that. I think once you [23:40] die the lights are out you thing is [23:43] another scam. [23:44] >> So you assume you're getting your dad's [23:47] ashes. [23:47] >> No, they give you a mix of ashes. They [23:49] give you what's in the pot. Absolutely. [23:51] >> I had my done and I look I literally go [23:56] >> so you know are in there. All kinds of [23:58] stuff's in there. When we put my dog [24:00] down, we had to pay more money to have [24:02] him cremated separately from other dogs. [24:04] They told us, they were like, "Look, if [24:05] we do the regular cremation, you're [24:06] getting other dogs ashes, but if you do [24:08] it separately, we'll have a clean [24:10] thing." And we paid more money, but they [24:12] don't even give you just ashes. They [24:13] give you little chips of bone. There's [24:14] pieces of bone. It's not [24:16] >> It It's It's really bizarre. Yeah. [24:19] >> Was an idea. I like more of like the If [24:21] I was going to do any idea like that, [24:22] cuz I think burial's stupid, but the [24:24] bur, like, you know, they'll put you in [24:26] a pod that a tree's in or something. I'm [24:28] like, "Sure, do something." [24:29] >> Yeah, they they put your body under a [24:31] tree and they're [24:32] >> cost a bazillion dollars though. That's [24:34] the problem. Those things cost like a [24:36] gazillion dollars to do it. [24:37] >> No, that should be standard. That should [24:38] be how we do it in national parks. [24:40] >> But I mean, [24:41] >> you know what the best one is though? [24:42] Tibetan sky funeral. [24:44] >> What? What happens there? [24:45] >> Oh, there's they're This is crazy. So, [24:49] their tradition is to take the bodies up [24:51] to the top of a mountain and they break [24:54] the bones apart and chop the bodies up [24:56] into chunks. And the vultures are [24:58] everywhere. They know that they're going [24:59] to do this. So, they've trained these [25:01] vultures to eat these people. So, they [25:03] bring the bodies, all the local [25:05] villagers, the people who've died, and [25:06] they they're up there hacking their [25:08] limbs into digestible chunks. And then [25:12] the vultures are just swarming them. [25:14] They're all over the place. And that's [25:16] like the reasonable people of that [25:18] place. [25:19] >> Well, their their thought is like you [25:22] are part of nature. You will now get [25:24] absorbed by nature and you will go right [25:26] back into nature. [25:27] >> Taking on that job though, you have to [25:28] have like a a Dexter personality. [25:31] >> Yeah. [25:31] >> Wow. I mean, sort of. But in these [25:33] people, it's like just their tradition. [25:34] The person's gone, and what you're going [25:37] to do is just sacrifice them to nature. [25:40] And isn't it better if it feeds these [25:42] animals that are important for the [25:44] ecosystem? [25:44] >> Yeah. until that bird shits on your head [25:46] while you're walking by. [25:47] >> If it was somebody if it was somebody's [25:49] wishes, do you think you could? [25:50] >> Yeah. [25:50] >> Even when they're dead, cut their limbs [25:52] off. [25:52] >> Yeah, [25:53] >> you could. You don't think you have [25:55] stomach enough? [25:55] >> Yeah, I could do it. I wouldn't want to [25:57] do it, but I could do it. [25:58] >> Wow. [25:58] >> I think you want to do it. You don't [26:00] have to do it ever. [26:01] >> Yeah, but I wouldn't want to do it to a [26:03] loved one. That's for sure. Like, I [26:05] wouldn't want to cut my wife up after [26:06] she's dead. [26:07] >> We tried to fillet a fish on the podcast [26:10] weeks ago. [26:11] >> I mean, Steve, we looked over at him. He [26:12] was just like with puddles of fish guts [26:14] in his hands. [26:15] >> I watched a video. I thought I had the [26:17] thing down and I couldn't get a scale [26:18] off this [ __ ] thing, dude. I chopped [26:20] the head off. I started just [ __ ] [26:22] going against the grain. I It was coming [26:25] apart. I almost cut my [ __ ] hand off [26:27] with a knife. I literally was like this. [26:28] It looked like cerviche when I was done. [26:30] >> If you go on a boat like a charter boat [26:32] and go fishing with guys who do it every [26:34] day, those guys are masters. The way [26:36] they [26:36] >> fillet and they're doing it while the [26:37] waves are Yeah. going up and down. [26:39] >> Yeah. A little catch and cook. I do [26:40] anytime I go on vacation, dude, that you [26:42] catch it that morning, you bring it back [26:43] to the villa or the hotel, they cook it [26:45] up for you. But yeah, [26:46] >> there's this one dude I'm obsessed with [26:47] online. He lives in Hawaii and uh I [26:50] think it's called uh I'll find it. It's [26:53] called like Sakama or something. Sakama [26:56] Syndicate. Hold on, let me find it. [26:58] >> Is that just Paprika? [27:00] >> God damn it. I got to find this guy. But [27:03] what he does is um I don't remember the [27:06] name of his Instagram. What he does is [27:07] he goes See if you can find it, Jamie. [27:09] He goes on I think we've shown him [27:10] before. He goes online with a kayak. So [27:13] he's got a kayak. He takes this [ __ ] [27:16] out. There he is. Sakana Syndicate. [27:18] That's it. So this dude goes fishing out [27:20] of this kayak and then he cooks a [27:23] gourmet meal on the kayak in the middle [27:26] of the [ __ ] ocean. It's the coolest [27:28] thing. [27:28] >> Yeah. They club him in the head to kill [27:30] him. Now, can I tell you something? Can [27:31] you back it up, Jamie, a little bit? [27:32] >> This way this guy does it. He busts out [27:34] a chopping board. He's got a knife. He [27:36] brings different herbs and garlic and [27:39] minces things up. I mean, literally [27:40] makes like gourmet meals. [27:42] >> Pokeballs. [27:43] >> Yeah, man. I mean, he does a bunch of [27:46] different things. Sometimes he cooks. He [27:47] brings a burner on and he'll cook fish, [27:50] but [27:52] >> you got me into that guy that at the end [27:54] it goes super [27:56] [ __ ] cooking. [27:57] >> Yeah, he cooks on like a rock and [ __ ] [27:59] dude. [28:00] >> Aeraijan. That guy's awesome. [28:02] >> You got to be in the winter sometimes. [28:03] Got to be in the woods. So this dude is [28:06] like like every week he's doing this and [28:09] frustrations. [28:10] >> Yeah, man. It's but it's really [ __ ] [28:13] interesting to watch. [28:14] >> Nope. [28:15] >> Because this dude So right now he's he's [28:17] just like it seems like he's going to [28:18] eat those raw. [28:20] >> But a lot of them he cooks. See if you [28:21] could find one where he cooks. So he [28:23] makes these like [ __ ] like really [28:25] complicated meals out there. Feels [28:27] fantastic. [28:28] >> If I was sitting across from him when [28:29] he's holding any of these fish, I would [28:30] be actively screaming. [28:32] >> Yeah, dude. I know. I go, "Get out of [28:33] the GET OUT OF IT'S ANGRY. It's angry at [28:36] us." [28:38] >> So this dude uh [28:40] >> like that's what I tried. [28:42] >> Oh, is that what you tried? [28:43] >> That's what I tried to do. I did not end [28:44] up like that at all. [28:45] >> It didn't. [28:46] >> You got to learn how to do it from [28:47] someone who knows what the [ __ ] you're [28:48] doing. [28:48] >> I know, but [28:49] >> it's not an unattainable skill. [28:51] >> I'll be better at it next time. [28:53] >> You will. [28:53] >> You'll be back, dude. [28:55] >> Me and Jay tried. Me and Jay both sliced [28:56] our fingers within seconds. [28:58] >> I cut myself. It still has a little [29:00] scar. [29:00] >> Yeah. [29:00] >> It looks so good, though. And it looks [29:03] like so easy. Do you ever try fishing on [29:04] a on a [29:05] >> Oh my god. [29:06] >> canoe. I did. I flipped over. I I was [29:08] tried catching a trout out of a a lake [29:10] and the whole thing flipped it over. [29:12] >> This every every one of these videos [29:14] begins with what I would deem to be [29:16] danger. [29:16] >> Yeah. [29:17] >> Like we're in danger. Like I wouldn't [29:19] even hang my feet over the side like [29:21] that. [29:21] >> Well, there's definitely tiger sharks. [29:23] >> There's a great video of this guy right [29:25] there. You got to pound it down good. [29:26] Flat. [29:27] >> We played this the other day. There's a [29:28] great video of a guy that's on one of [29:30] these and this tiger shark comes up and [29:32] bites the side of his kayak and he [29:34] screams tiger shark and you see this [29:35] [ __ ] mouth come out of the water and [29:37] it just Yeah, he lived. He It didn't get [29:41] him. [29:41] >> Do all sharks have teeth? Because I [29:43] caught a I'm serious. [29:46] >> Cuz a sand shark we I caught my friend's [29:48] got a boat. He went [29:49] >> That's the level of discourse. Look at [29:50] this. Look at this tiger shark. [29:52] >> Yo, I was swimming with tiger sharks in [29:54] Hawaii. So scary. [29:54] >> Just saying. [29:55] >> Yeah, bro. I mean, that guy could have [29:57] lost a foot there for sure. That thing [29:59] just clamping down on his kayak. [30:00] >> You know where that never happens? Land. [30:02] >> Yep. That's what I'm talking about. [30:05] >> That's what I'm talking about. [30:06] >> That never happens. [30:07] >> You know what doesn't happen in the sea? [30:08] Puerto Ricans. [30:09] >> That's true. [30:10] >> I know. So, you're really damned if you [30:11] do, damned if you don't. [30:14] >> Sometimes you got to get your ass out [30:16] there. [30:16] >> Yeah. [30:17] >> So, why were you filleting a fish? [30:19] >> We did uh end of summer podcast games [30:23] where we uh you know, stuff we do in the [30:25] summer. Or if we filet a fish through a [30:27] football diving contest. What else did [30:29] we do? [30:30] >> It was against another. [30:33] Yeah. Yeah. [30:34] >> They beat us. [30:35] >> We did. One of the things was a football [30:36] throwing challenge and Jay and Steve, [30:38] they pride themselves as being like [30:39] sports guys. So they had to have a uh [30:41] Jay had to have a blindfold on while he [30:43] held a hula hoop above his head while [30:45] Steve tried to throw the ball across the [30:46] yard through the hula hoop [30:48] >> without hitting him in the face, groin, [30:50] body or anything like that. [30:52] >> Scary. [30:52] >> Shout out Tristan bowling. Look at this. [30:54] Joe, you tell me where I went wrong on [30:56] this. [30:57] >> Yeah. [30:57] >> Well, first of all, you have a sharp [30:59] knife. [30:59] >> That's Tristan. Yeah. [31:00] >> No, we had we had nice knives. We have [31:02] really good knives. [31:03] >> They're good knives. [31:04] >> Okay. [31:05] >> Oh, that's you, Steve. [31:06] >> No, no, that's Tristan. [31:07] >> God, it's so violent. [31:08] >> Let's go, Tristan. This is [31:09] >> That's Steve over there. [31:10] >> Also, there's a race. You can get it [31:13] done first, too. So, [31:14] >> and you're filleting it as well. [31:16] >> Steve, what are you doing? [31:19] >> Yeah, I mean, you're being too [31:21] aggressive, [31:22] >> dude. It's a more gentle process. First [31:25] of all, one of the things you do is you [31:27] start from the top of the back. [31:30] >> So, you started from the bottom where [31:31] the guts are when you make the fillet. [31:33] You start from the back and you slice [31:35] along the spine. [31:36] >> Where were you, dude? So, you see where [31:38] you went wrong? [31:39] >> That could have helped. [31:41] >> So, you see where you took a left there, [31:42] Steve? [31:42] >> I'm giving out pointers. There's a [31:44] method. [31:44] >> I mean, that is crazy. What's in front [31:46] of you? [31:46] >> That looks like [31:47] >> that pile of [ __ ] in front of you is [31:48] crazy. [31:49] >> That looks insane. It looks like a hack [31:52] on murder. [31:52] >> That looks like a Tibetan sky funeral. [31:54] >> Yep. It disintegrated. That's the right [31:56] word for it. [31:57] >> Yeah, [31:57] >> it was pulverized. Put in a crockpot. I [31:59] think I told you it's a skill. Oh, [ __ ] [32:02] It's the thing you got to learn how to [32:03] do. [32:03] >> It's what I don't have. I'm I don't I've [32:05] never taken a fish off a hook. I uh I've [32:09] gone on the boat with like on the Bert [32:10] tour where they take you fishing and [32:11] they're like, "You want to hold the fish [32:12] for the picture?" I'm like, "Oh, point [32:14] to it." Probably this guy [32:16] >> with his pink and fingernails. Dude, I [32:18] need a glove or something when I go to [32:20] get the hook out. I'm not like a guy who [32:22] can just grab the fish because it [32:23] squirms too much, you know? You get [32:25] nervous, you know? It's plus it's [32:27] living. I'm trying to get it done quick. [32:28] I [32:28] >> These guys are real [ __ ] They're not [32:30] real men like us. [32:31] >> It's just one of those things you get [32:32] used to. You know, if you had to live [32:34] off fish, you'd figure it out real [32:35] quick. If you got stranded on an island, [32:37] you would be like, "Remember when I [32:39] could barely hold a fish?" CBS in the [32:41] morning on Sundays they show bass [32:43] fishing and I'll watch that for like an [32:44] hour because those guys the way they [32:46] just sit there spots [32:48] >> I'm torn on bass fishing. [32:49] >> Why? [32:50] >> Because they don't want to eat them. [32:51] >> They're just [ __ ] with these fish. [32:53] They're just c they're tricking them and [32:55] then they're letting them go. It's fun. [32:57] I've done it. I love doing it. I love [32:59] bass fishing, don't get me wrong. But [33:01] part of me is like, what are we doing [33:02] here? [33:03] >> We're not even eating these things. [33:05] >> Torture people eat them. [33:07] >> It's just a catch and release, right? [33:09] There's a bunch of issues. [33:10] >> When I was young, people would catch [33:11] bass and [33:12] >> they would get them like clean and [33:13] cooked. Yeah, [33:14] >> they certainly can. You certainly can [33:15] eat them. The problem is they have [33:16] forever chemicals in them now. Almost [33:18] all freshwater fish are polluted. [33:21] >> Almost all of them. If you eat a [33:23] freshwater fish from a lake in the [33:24] United States of America, you're going [33:26] to get a very high level of PAS. And [33:29] these are a bunch of forever chemicals [33:32] that they come from environmental [33:33] toxins, plastics, all all kinds of [ __ ] [33:36] that's in the oxygen or in the air [33:38] rather. of the atmosphere that gets down [33:39] into the water from rain, from runoff, [33:42] from you know, every time it rains, all [33:44] that, you don't think about it, but all [33:46] the [ __ ] [ __ ] that's in your car, all [33:48] your oil dripping, anything that someone [33:50] left in the gutter, all that [ __ ] runs [33:52] into the lake. And when that stuff runs [33:54] in there, you're it's never going [33:56] anywhere. It stays in there and it gets [33:57] in the fish. [33:59] >> There's no flow. [34:00] >> Like, what? Pull that up, Jamie. Pull [34:01] that up in perplexity. like the uh what [34:04] what the toxins are that you can get [34:07] environmental toxins from freshwater [34:09] fish. So, you get [34:11] >> is it like an aspartame thing where it's [34:12] like it turns out you have to drink 700 [34:14] Cokes a day or five Cokes a day [34:16] >> probably. But I do know uh Steve [34:18] Reanella told me about a guy who got [34:20] real [ __ ] sick because he was a uh a [34:23] tournament fisherman. So, a freshwater [34:25] tournament like catch a bunch of perch [34:27] and they eat them. Perch are delicious. [34:29] But he ate them exclusively. That was [34:30] his whole diet and his [ __ ] health [34:32] fell apart. And it turned out that was [34:34] why. It was like he was literally [34:35] poisoning himself. Freshwater fish can [34:38] contain contaminants, especially [34:39] mercury, PCBs, and PFAS that accumulate [34:44] in their in the from their water and [34:45] food. The risk depends on the species, [34:47] the lake or river, and how often you eat [34:49] the fish. Freshwater fish aren't [34:51] uniformly unsafe. [34:54] So, uh, it's just a lot of people [34:56] recommend that if you're going to eat [34:58] freshwater fish, don't eat a lot of it. [35:00] Don't eat it often. [35:01] >> Yeah. When I went fishing in Puerto [35:02] Rico, there was what one of the fish [35:03] that we caught, they were like if it was [35:04] over a certain size, they were like, [35:06] "Don't eat it." Because they've been [35:07] feeding on like the bottom feeding like [35:10] um on on the reef, whatever the animals [35:13] that would eat the reef, and they were [35:14] like they become toxic the larger they [35:16] are. So, we had to throw them back if [35:18] they were like over a certain weight or [35:19] whatever. We went to the Bahamas and uh [35:22] there was this guy who is a a guide who [35:24] was telling us you can eat barracuda [35:28] that are from this side of this this [35:30] island but not from the other side. And [35:32] I said how come? And he's like well it's [35:35] like what they eat and and you know like [35:37] this side is safe and that side's not [35:38] safe cuz and I'm like so how do we know [35:40] these aren't moving around? [35:42] >> I didn't know you could eat barracuda at [35:43] all. [35:44] >> Yeah. So I you know was I was with my [35:46] daughter and I was like we're not eating [35:47] these. Like you could have them. Would [35:48] you eat them? He said, "Yeah." I'm like, [35:49] "Oh, you can keep them." [35:50] >> Yeah. [35:51] >> So, I I didn't eat the fish. I was like, [35:52] "That makes me nervous as fuck." Because [35:54] it's like literally a toxin. [35:57] >> What's your strength? Do you have like a [35:59] like you probably been introduced to all [36:00] kinds of strange foods. Where's Where do [36:02] you draw a line? [36:03] >> Well, because of fear factor, I've eaten [36:05] insane things. [36:07] >> Oh, you tried this stuff? [36:08] >> Oh, yeah. I ate a lot of it. Uh the the [36:10] first episode I did it like sort of like [36:12] to help the people out. I said, "I feel [36:14] terrible that you have to do this, so [36:15] I'll do it, too." And they had to eat a [36:17] sheep's eyeball. That wasn't that bad. [36:18] It's just in your head mostly. And I ate [36:21] >> now. It's also the thing, too. [36:22] >> Yeah, but it's in your head. It's a [36:24] sheep's eye. [36:25] >> It was violently awful to eat, I would [36:27] tell you. And it wasn't. It was just [36:29] just meat. And then the other one that I [36:31] ate I I ate that was pretty disgusting [36:33] was a Madagascar hissing cockroach. It's [36:36] like this big [ __ ] roach. It was And [36:37] it was alive. [36:39] >> Just picked it up, started chewing it. [36:40] Almost no taste. It's in your head. Like [36:43] in your head, it's like [36:44] >> But you don't have the almost get you [36:46] almost. Not just in your head. [36:47] >> I I lost that. I used to have that bad [36:50] like in high school if somebody threw [36:51] like if we were all hanging out together [36:52] and you threw up, I'd be like [36:56] >> I would [ __ ] immediately martial art. [36:59] >> No fear factor. [37:01] I saw people puke. I saw people puke [37:03] literally every day. [37:04] >> No, dude. Oh, look how young and [37:06] handsome Joe was. Holy [ __ ] dude. [37:07] >> I had hair back then. Sort of. [37:08] >> Wow. [37:09] >> Look at those lips. [37:10] >> Thank you. [37:12] >> Oh, dude. [37:13] >> Wow. [37:14] >> See, but it's not that bad. But I did [37:15] think about it for a second here and [37:16] then I got it right there. I thought [37:18] about it. I think it was because when [37:20] you bite into the body cavity, it does [37:21] squirt and squirt juices out [37:23] >> and I was laughing at the same time. [37:24] >> I don't even want to hear about this, [37:25] much less do it. That's crazy. [37:27] >> But I'm telling you, if you had to eat [37:29] those to stay alive, you 100% would eat [37:30] them. It's not that big a deal. [37:32] >> I uh I used to torture my ex-wife cuz it [37:34] would give her the gags every time that [37:36] I think it went viral for a while. It [37:37] was Bayer Grills and he put the grub in [37:41] his mouth and it was huge. [37:43] bites in the middle and just blast open [37:44] on his face. [37:46] >> No reason to do it like that. [37:47] >> But he wasn't even really doing it. That [37:48] was the whole thing with Bear Grills, [37:49] right? He was like staying in hotels. [37:52] >> Well, he was out there legitimately. He [37:54] was a legit guy. He knows what he's [37:56] doing. I think he's Isn't he a special [37:57] forces guy? [37:58] >> British. Right. [37:59] >> Right. So, what he was doing was showing [38:01] you what you do and showing you how to [38:04] do it. But then he would go stay in a [38:05] hotel. That's the difference between him [38:07] and Survivor Man. So, what happened was [38:09] Survivor Man had a show first. And [38:12] Survivor Man, he doesn't bring anybody [38:14] with him. He does everything by himself. [38:16] He brings his own video cameras and it's [38:17] all legit. And you could see it over the [38:19] course of the episode. Like, he'll be in [38:21] the jungle for seven days. He hasn't [38:22] eaten in three [ __ ] days. You see it [38:24] in his face. He's lost a shitload of [38:26] weight. He's dehydrated. He gets out of [38:28] there and sometimes he has to go [38:29] straight to the hospital. Like, he was [38:31] really surviving on his own. But Bear, [38:33] they were saying, "Listen, we're going [38:35] to bring in a lion. we're let him loose [38:37] in front. He's like, "No, no, no, no, [38:39] no." Like they tried to do a bunch of [38:40] [ __ ] like produce it. And he's like, [38:43] "You can't do this. I won't let you do [38:44] this." And so then they said, "Well, [38:46] we'll do it with somebody else." [38:48] >> And that's where Bear Grills came. [38:49] >> Bear Grills. I think [38:50] >> according to Survivor, man. [38:51] >> Yeah. [38:52] >> I don't know if this is the complete [38:53] true [38:54] >> to Joe Average, [38:56] >> Bear Grill. If you were like, "Yeah, [38:57] he'd go like rip the skin off a snake [38:59] and then piss in the skin and make it [39:01] his like, you know, neck cooler for the [39:03] desert." And then at the end of that [39:05] they go, "All right, cut back to the [39:06] hotel." Like, he still [ __ ] did that. [39:08] They still did that. [39:09] >> That's [ __ ] nuts, [39:10] >> dude. Imagine why wouldn't you sleep in [39:12] a hotel if you could? Like, what are you [39:13] stupid? [39:14] >> Imagine being a survivor, man. You [39:16] haven't eaten in 5 days and now you have [39:18] to set up a camera to film yourself. [39:19] You're like, I got to set up a [ __ ] [39:21] camera, get my mic on. You're like, [39:23] you're not even thinking like you have [39:24] to think about [39:26] >> eating is should be your show alone is a [39:28] similar thing. They take like people and [39:30] that's great. and they put them in like [39:32] it's not even like anywhere like it's [39:33] like deep in Canada in the cold and it's [39:35] like it's like 30° when they start and [39:37] then by day 60 it's like 8° cuz you have [39:40] to do it alone [39:42] each other [39:44] to win the thing you have to stay out [39:46] there the longest. Whoever stays out [39:47] there the longest wins like4 million but [39:50] check it out. You don't know [39:52] >> when the other people tap out. So you [39:54] don't know if there's 10 people left. [39:55] You don't know if there's two people [39:56] left. You're just sitting there with [39:57] your thoughts being like what the [ __ ] [39:59] >> It's a great show. It's a great show [40:01] like crazy huts and [ __ ] [40:02] >> There was one season where the guy was [40:03] like, "I'll stay out here. I kind of [40:05] like my life out here now." [40:07] >> Yeah. Well, my friend Jordan, he was a [40:09] episode, he was on one of the episodes [40:10] of the podcast. Jordan Jones, he did it [40:13] and he's a real like survival guy. Like [40:16] he's lived with uh people in Siberia. He [40:19] lived with these uh these tribes that [40:21] like they heard caribous and [ __ ] And [40:24] he brought with him a bow and arrow. So [40:25] he killed a moose. And then he had a [40:28] Jordan Jonas and Jordan had to fight off [40:30] a Wolverine with an axe cuz the [40:33] Wolverine was trying to steal the fat [40:34] from his moose. [40:35] >> And plus the Wolverine can regenerate. [40:37] So how you going to kill? You know, [40:38] >> he killed the Wolverine on camera with a [40:40] [ __ ] axe. [40:41] >> They got to like hang the meat. If they [40:42] get like a good kill in the beginning, [40:44] they got to like hang the meat and keep [40:46] it for long can keep it. [40:48] >> And if an animal comes and gets you, [40:49] like there ain't nobody there to help [40:51] you. [40:51] >> Not in time. [40:52] >> [ __ ] if that wolverine turned on him. [40:54] If it just got a hold of his calf and [40:56] just ripped his Achilles tendon apart [40:58] and he started gushing blood out of his [41:00] leg, 100% he's bleeding out before [41:02] anybody gets to him. [41:03] >> They give you a phone if you want to tap [41:04] out. You like one button and they're [41:06] like, "Yeah, come get me." They bring in [41:08] a helicopter like two days later and [41:09] they get you out days later. [41:11] >> Yeah. [41:12] >> A lady got killed a few years ago. Not [41:14] on the show, but a lady got killed by an [41:16] otter. [41:17] >> An otter killed her. [41:18] >> What a weak [ __ ] [41:20] I think I think if it bites the inside [41:22] of your thigh, I think you're [ __ ] [41:25] >> I think if it penetrates through one of [41:27] those arteries, I think you just start [41:29] spraying. And if you don't have a [41:31] tourniquet and you don't know how to [41:32] apply it correctly, you're [ __ ] [41:34] >> I was picturing more like the otter had [41:36] disgusting viruses in its mouth or [41:38] something and she got like her leg like [41:41] >> amputated or something. She's a [41:42] certified swim instructor from Reno. On [41:45] a routine routine morning swim, an otter [41:47] grabbed her leg with humanlike force and [41:50] pulled her underwater. The animal tore [41:52] off her goggles and repeatedly bit and [41:53] clawed her face, nose, cheek, armpits, [41:56] and legs for about 5 minutes. She [41:58] thought she fought the animal off, used [42:00] her swimming skills to climb up onto the [42:02] boulders, though the otter followed her [42:04] out of the water and circled below. [42:06] Jesus. [42:06] >> She sustained deep bites and scratches [42:08] requiring 38 stitches [42:11] plus rabies and tetanus vaccinations. So [42:13] that guy, that lady lived. But there was [42:16] a lady a few years back who got killed. [42:18] >> I'll [ __ ] up an otter. Joe, you have [42:19] these conversations about trying to like [42:21] choke out a mountain lion. I'll [ __ ] [42:22] [ __ ] up. [42:23] >> You would be so You wouldn't even know [42:25] what's is this an otter coming out? What [42:27] is like [42:28] >> is that a seal? I couldn't tell. I [42:30] couldn't identify an otter. [42:31] >> I think I would run till my legs didn't [42:32] work and then accept death. I would just [42:34] be like, "Well, here we go." Or I try to [42:36] like choke it. I would try to like [42:37] person fight it. [42:38] >> It's always thumb in the eye, punch it [42:41] in the tip of the nose or something like [42:42] that. [42:43] >> You got to get behind its head. You got [42:45] to grab You got to get control of behind [42:47] its head. It's not a big animal, but [42:49] it's the chaos of the moment and it's [42:51] the fear and you're fighting it off. [42:53] Most important thing is control. You [42:55] have to control its head and then pin [42:57] that [ __ ] down and then you put your [42:58] body weight on him and then you kill [43:00] him. [43:01] And then I whisper in his ear, "You made [43:03] me do this to you." [43:05] >> This lady was another lady. I was [43:07] viciously attacked by a group of otter. [43:09] Bro, [43:09] >> 10 different otter got her at once. [43:11] >> Oh my god. Like the Cornell of otter. [43:13] >> Man, Asians feel nothing. [43:14] >> Tearing my arms, legs, and even the back [43:16] of my scalp. Holy [ __ ] man. [43:20] Yeah. Like if you're a small person like [43:22] this lady and a group of otterters comes [43:24] and gets you. [43:25] >> I don't even think she's in the water. [43:26] It sounds like SHE WAS OUT. [43:27] >> OH MY GOD. SHE WAS IN THE PARKING LOT. [43:28] >> WELL, that would take me off guard. Oh [43:30] my god. [43:31] >> If I was in a supermarket parking lot [43:32] and a bunch of otter jumped out, I'd be [43:34] like, "Fuck, what's happening?" [43:35] >> Is that what you're calling now? Otter. [43:36] Imagine the explain to the cop. Oh, she [43:39] pulled out her coat. Of course she did. [43:41] >> Let's not go. I couldn't resist [43:42] capturing the moment on video marveling [43:44] at how endearing these creatures seemed. [43:46] >> Oh, that's crazy. [43:47] >> She was gushing about how adorable they [43:49] were. I was in Utah a couple years ago [43:51] and I saw a badger on the road and it [43:53] was at night time and I ran out with my [43:54] phone to try to get a film of the badger [43:56] and the badger puffed up and started [43:58] like marching towards me and I [ __ ] [44:00] panicked like a little girl like I just [44:02] ran and got back in the truck. [44:04] >> How does the bad like it puffed up like [44:05] it's like [44:05] >> it got like this. It got like this like [44:08] what [ __ ] and started literally just [44:10] walking straight towards me like not [44:12] nervous about me at all. I think that's [44:14] the energy of most What if ducks cross [44:17] the street? All the cars just sit there [44:18] and wait. [44:20] >> Those are urban ducks. [44:21] >> They don't speed up. They just kind of [44:22] take a soft like little like Yeah. It's [44:24] going to take a minute. [44:24] >> Yeah. But when you shoot at them, they [44:26] get accustomed to flying away very [44:28] quickly. See, this is why the difference [44:29] like you ever see those Colorado towns [44:31] where elk just wander through the towns. [44:33] >> It's crazy. [44:34] >> Yeah. There's uh Evergreen, Colorado. Uh [44:37] there's a place uh that's above Boulder. [44:39] It's beautiful. And one of the things [44:41] about Evergreen is they have a migration [44:43] of elk that go through the [ __ ] [44:45] center of the town every year. So [44:47] through the center of the town, you're [44:49] you're hanging out trying to go to work [44:51] and there's 40 elk in the middle of the [44:53] street. Like here's one just chilling. [44:55] It [ __ ] this guy's car up. There's a [44:57] great video of a guy who's uh trying to [45:00] talk [ __ ] to an elk and it flattens his [45:02] tire. [45:03] >> But uh in Evergreen there's like march, [45:05] but that's because no one's shooting at [45:07] them. Here they are. So they're [45:08] accustomed in their world, they have [45:11] patterned that, oh, if you go near the [45:13] roads and you go near the buildings, no [45:16] one shoots you. So that's what they do. [45:18] >> This is an average street with deer in [45:20] New Jersey. I don't know how long it's [45:21] been since you've been in New Jersey, [45:22] but Texas, too. Texas, too. But these [45:25] are elk. So this is like the males are [45:27] an 800 lb animal and they're wandering [45:29] down the streets and they're everywhere. [45:31] But if you saw them in the woods, they [45:33] would [ __ ] smell you and run from you [45:36] immediately. They would never Yeah. So, [45:38] it's the same thing with ducks. [45:39] >> Like the ducks are respond like was [45:42] waddling across the street because they [45:44] know no one wants to run them over [45:45] because they're cute. [45:46] >> Like there's a massive [ __ ] herd on [45:48] the side of this road. Oh, that one's [45:49] got a collar on pimping. [45:51] >> What are these? [45:52] >> That's an elk. That's a female elk. So [45:54] look, they're in the middle of the road [45:56] just chilling. [45:58] >> Wow. [45:59] >> But it's because they're dark. It's [46:02] their spot. [46:03] >> Maybe don't drive there, [46:04] >> you know. That's probably That's [46:06] Colorado. Yeah, Colorado has more elk, [46:08] >> more population, a larger population of [46:10] elk than any other state [46:12] >> and you're allowed to hunt them. [46:13] >> Yeah, you can hunt them. It's it's you [46:15] have to get a tag and it's hard to find [46:17] them. It's like you'll find those that [46:19] are in the the towns, but once you go [46:21] into the mountains, they know what's [46:23] going on. They know the game is a fight. [46:24] >> Is there uh can you hunt them with [46:27] shotguns and arrows or do you have to [46:29] just do [46:29] >> No, you can use it's depending on what [46:31] time of the year. So, there's an archery [46:32] season. It's usually early. So September [46:35] is the archery season and then you can [46:37] only use archery equipment in a lot of [46:39] states and then there's a rifle season [46:42] afterwards and then there's a late [46:43] archery season. [46:44] >> They I think on Long Island you can only [46:45] kill the the deer with a bow and arrow. [46:48] No. [46:48] >> Well, that's because you're in a [ __ ] [46:50] >> Yeah. You can't start shooting [46:51] >> residential neighborhood. Yeah. But bows [46:53] and arrows even then you got wahoos like [46:56] uh our friend Bruce out there. One of [46:58] his [ __ ] neighbors at their house got [46:59] hit by a crossbow bolt cuz the neighbors [47:01] are they're poaching deer. That's crazy. [47:04] >> There's just deer in their neighborhood. [47:05] They're everywhere. And look, deer are [47:06] [ __ ] delicious. And, you know, feel [47:08] like I could go hunting or I could just [47:10] go right here and shoot a deer and drag [47:12] it into my garage. No one's got to know. [47:15] >> They come up to and they eat my [47:16] hydrangeas. I want to beat them to death [47:18] with a baseball bat. [47:18] >> Not your hydrangeas. [47:19] >> I I have a batting cage in my house. So, [47:21] we got a a deer got its antlers caught [47:23] in the cage. [47:25] >> And it was [ __ ] I got the video. It's [47:26] flipping flipping flipping. I'm away in [47:29] Denver on the road. My wife's freaking [47:31] out. She calls the cops. They send a [47:33] female cop. She comes down. She looks at [47:35] it and she goes, "We got to wait for [47:37] somebody back up, right? Wait for a male [47:39] cop." [47:40] >> I swear to God, a male cop shows up. [47:42] He's like, he gets out of the car. He [47:43] goes over to it, right? He grabs it by [47:45] the neck, brings it down. He goes, "Do [47:47] you mind if I cut the net?" And my wife [47:49] goes, "Yeah." He goes, "You should ask [47:50] your husband. These are pretty [47:51] expensive." She's like, "Cut the [ __ ] [47:53] net." She cuts the net and he he the [47:55] deer gets out and it runs away. And he [47:57] goes, "Chances are it's going to be dead [47:59] in like 10 minutes. their hearts like he [48:01] said the heart the adrenaline goes so [48:03] fast their hearts explode [48:04] >> most yeah yeah like most times they're [48:06] like they're so [48:07] >> sounds like an old wife [48:09] >> that doesn't make sense because if they [48:11] get away from a mountain lion if they [48:12] get lucky like don't they live like what [48:14] what a stupid [48:15] >> if it hits [48:17] the punch of death so who knows I don't [48:19] know this thing for like a half hour [48:22] trying to rip itself out of this hanging [48:25] itself swinging back and forth [48:27] >> maybe you think it's funny Joe how uh [48:29] synonymous you are with elk meat. It's [48:31] like a It's like a Roganism thing. If [48:33] someone's like, "Hey, I'll do Rogan." [48:35] Goes, "What are you guys have some elk [48:36] meat and gloves?" Just like the obvious [48:38] thing. [48:38] >> I think you've taken pictures of elk [48:40] before. [48:41] >> Oh, yeah. 100%. [48:42] >> You cook it? [48:43] >> Oh, I eat a lot of it. [48:44] >> Are you a great cook? You cook yourself? [48:47] >> What is this? It's Yeah, I do. The [48:49] condition is called capture myopathy. [48:52] Also known as exterioral [48:55] external [48:56] >> external external myopathy. So, deer can [48:59] die from extreme stress and struggling [49:01] after getting stuck in a fence. Wow. [49:03] >> Yeah. [49:03] >> More than just simply being scared, [49:05] intense fear, prolonged struggling [49:06] restraint can trigger severe muscle [49:08] damage and overheating will potentially [49:10] fatal effects on major organs. [49:13] >> If you wouldn't mind, uh Steve's got a [49:15] big reading exam coming up soon. Steve, [49:17] you want to take a whack at one of these [49:18] paragraphs, please? [49:19] >> Whoa. [49:20] >> Uh, a deer may collapse during the the [49:21] ordeal or initially look okay after the [49:24] release and then deteriorate hours or [49:26] days later. Signs can include weakness, [49:29] stiff muscles, tremors, dark urine, and [49:31] collapse. [49:32] >> Who's out there checking deer urine? Let [49:34] me check to see if Rosco is going to be [49:36] okay [49:37] >> and collapse. That's a pretty good sign. [49:38] When the deer [ __ ] collapse [49:40] >> when they collapse. [49:41] >> Yeah, dude. Driving at night in Jersey [49:43] is terrifying. You watch them on the [49:45] side of the road. They have a lot of [49:47] deer in Texas, right? I think Jersey is [49:48] the number one state for the most [49:50] population of I could be wrong about [49:51] that, but I believe it is. [49:52] >> I think you might be right. And they [49:53] jump they jump out in front of your car [49:54] and sometimes they'll jump through your [49:56] window and then kick you to death and [49:57] then [ __ ] run away. [49:58] >> My friend Cam, he lives in Oregon and [50:00] the dude in his town died because the [50:02] guy in front of him hit a deer. [50:04] >> Oh. [50:04] >> So the guy in front of him hit a deer [50:06] and he's behind. The deer flips through [50:07] the air and goes straight through his [50:09] windshield. Damn. [50:10] >> And just merc him on the spot. [50:12] >> Do you know who Sideneck is? [50:14] >> What? Side neck? [50:15] >> Do you know who sidneck is? [ __ ] I'm [50:16] Sidneck. [50:17] >> No. [50:18] >> No. I would say I don't know either. I [50:21] don't think I've ever wanted to know [50:22] anything more in my life. He's a I would [50:24] say he's a Canadian phenomenon. Jamie, [50:25] you familiar at all? [50:26] >> Um he's [50:28] >> Oh, that guy. I've seen that guy. [50:30] >> Side neck. [50:31] >> Like he got paralyzed or something. [50:32] >> Well, he's not paralyzed. What happened [50:34] to him? We we dug deep [50:36] >> deep dive. He's from Canada. He was [50:38] driving, hit a moose. Moose came up on [50:42] the windshield. uh kicked through and [50:44] like his legs went through the [50:45] windshield and the moose buck like [50:47] kicked his [ __ ] head like a cartoon. [50:51] >> I swear to God [50:53] kicked his head [50:54] >> to the side forever [50:56] >> and now he's side neck. [50:57] >> Well, it seems like his right arm [50:58] doesn't work right. [50:59] >> No, no, no. He explains it all in the [51:01] one song. [51:03] >> The moose the whole [51:04] >> No, no, no, no. [51:06] >> That's He just leaves that part out. [51:08] >> He wrote He wrote a diss track on the [51:09] moose. Why would you leave that part out [51:11] of your origin story? That's one of the [51:13] greatest origin stories. [51:14] >> He's probably waiting to get his legs [51:15] under him. Then he's going to make it [51:16] his opus. You know what I mean? [51:17] >> Yeah. It's going to be his [ __ ] [51:23] >> He's not ready to address that just yet. [51:24] Right now, he's getting his feet wet. [51:25] >> Do you ever see cross country like [51:27] runners get blasted by deer? [51:29] >> Oh, yeah. [51:30] >> Oh, dude. [51:32] Yeah. Like it'll just they'll run right [51:33] through you and [ __ ] truck you, dude. [51:35] Like you're not even there. I think the [51:37] one that freaks me out the most is [51:38] motorcycle guys [51:40] >> when they're going fast and canyon runs [51:41] like [51:43] and then you just see a blur of brown [51:47] and then boom and then you just damn. [51:51] >> And you know these [ __ ] cats are on a [51:53] bike going 70 mph through the canyon [51:55] sideways and then a deer just jumps in [51:57] front of them. [51:59] Look at all this momentum. [52:01] >> Plus the bones that you're running into [52:03] and the the possibility of a [ __ ] [52:05] antler going through your face. [52:07] >> It's not good. [52:08] >> Yeah, you're [ __ ] man. I mean, if you [52:10] get hit, I don't care if you have a go [52:11] your goggles on. Is that going to [52:13] protect you from an antler at 70 mph? [52:15] Like straight pouring to the center of [52:17] your [ __ ] head. [52:18] >> No. Look at this. [52:20] >> I hit my head on my wife's [ __ ] [52:21] trunk, dude. You think I'm going to [52:22] survive a goddamn deer collapse? [52:26] >> That's hilarious, dude. No way. [52:28] >> Yeah. [ __ ] it. [ __ ] riding a bike and [52:30] getting hit by a deer. Just having a [52:33] good time. [ __ ] freedom. I love the [52:36] idea of getting a motorcycle, but I'm [52:37] too much of a [ __ ] to pull the trigger. [52:39] >> That's not [ __ ] [52:40] >> Yeah, that's not [ __ ] [52:41] >> Yeah, just being smart. Reality at this [52:43] point, it's I I same thing. I've always [52:45] >> So fun. [52:46] >> I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle. [52:48] The only time I've been on a motorcycle [52:49] was twice on the back holding a man's [52:52] waist while my calves got burned by the [52:54] exhaust. [52:56] >> I went and uh here this guy gets wiped. [52:58] CHECK THIS. BOOM. [53:00] OH, [ __ ] TREES. Bikes [ __ ] [53:04] >> Holy [ __ ] [53:06] >> Yeah. Holy [ __ ] And dear. Watch this. [53:10] He doesn't even have a chance. [53:12] >> Oh. Oh my god. [53:15] >> [ __ ] [53:16] >> I'll tell you the saddest thing I've [53:17] ever seen when driving home in Jersey is [53:19] when you see a dead one on the side of [53:20] the road and there's another one [53:22] standing next to it. Like just sad about [53:24] it. Look like [53:25] >> especially a baby and the mom. It's like [53:27] it's like looking out. It's like looking [53:28] out after it's like it's like standing [53:30] in front of it almost like so the cars [53:31] don't hit as weird. [53:33] >> Never sad good every time. [53:35] >> The only solution is to have predators [53:37] in your neighborhood. That's not good [53:39] either because then move out and then [53:42] they start eating your dogs and cats. [53:44] >> That's how California handles it. Like [53:46] California with their mountain lion [53:48] crisis, like they want to pretend it's [53:49] not a crisis. They [ __ ] captured [53:51] mountain lions in San Francisco and they [53:52] do a they check out their digestion to [53:55] see what they're eating. 50% of their [53:57] diet was pets. [53:58] >> Really? [53:59] >> Whoa. [53:59] >> Yeah. [54:00] >> Cats and dogs and [54:01] >> Yeah, man. Yeah, man. They're monsters. [54:04] They're [ __ ] monsters. [54:05] >> That happens a lot, too. Like it'll be [54:07] like a dog at the edge of like a little [54:08] lake in Florida or like a bottle of [54:10] water, then an alligator comes out and [54:12] just pulls. [54:12] >> That happened when I was a kid. I lived [54:14] in Florida. I lived in Gainesville and [54:15] this lady had like some little poodle [54:17] type dog or something and she was just [54:19] walking it on the thing and this gator [54:20] just came up and snatched it and dragged [54:23] it into the water. It was the talk of [54:25] the town. [54:26] >> Yeah. [54:26] >> There was one guy who jumped in and got [54:28] the dog back from the alligator. That's [54:29] a famous It's a famous story. Yeah. [54:32] >> I would do that for my dog. [54:33] >> AI. [54:34] >> Oh, I remember that. There was a video a [54:36] few years ago. Yeah. [54:36] >> Yeah. It was a a old guy, right? And [54:38] he's like beating the [ __ ] alligator. [54:40] Let go of his dog. [54:41] >> Yeah. [54:42] >> Yeah. [ __ ] yeah, dude. [54:43] >> I would get a big dog. [54:46] >> I got a little dog, too. I have a [54:48] regular sized dog. I have a golden [54:49] retriever, but then I have this little [54:50] dog. It's a King Charles Caval. This is [54:53] Here's the guy. [54:54] >> Yeah, I have a cocker spaniel. [54:55] >> Yeah, that's a little ass alligator and [54:57] his dog. [54:59] >> That guy's getting his [ __ ] fingers [55:01] right there in the jaws, man. That's [55:03] crazy. And he gets it loose. [55:04] >> Yeah, the cocker spaniel. [55:05] >> And then you got to pull it apart like [55:06] how King Kong killed that lizard. [55:08] Remember? Just [ __ ] rips his [ __ ] [55:11] splits. It [55:11] >> was a dinosaur, right? King Kong killed [55:13] a dinosaur that way, right? [55:15] >> Today is brought to you by the number [55:16] one brand for better sex, Blue Chew. [55:19] Blue Chew Gold is a 4in-one powerhouse [55:22] that gets your brain and your body on [55:25] the same page for sex. 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You [ __ ] [ __ ] But [56:12] anyway, I have a King Charles cavalry [56:14] here. Like I I've never really been into [56:16] little dogs. I [ __ ] love this little [56:18] guy so much. He's so enthusiastic. He's [56:21] so fun. Like all he wants to do is just [56:23] kiss you and jump all over you. And he's [56:25] like he's a puppy. He's like a year and [56:27] a half old. But like when I come home [56:28] he's like he just goes [ __ ] crazy. He [56:31] leaps up. I pick him up. He's kissing me [56:33] just squirming and having fun. He's just [56:36] he just loves being around people. He's [56:38] so sweet. He's like the sweetest little [56:39] dog ever. It's like oh I get it. It's [56:41] not going to guard your house. It's not [56:42] It's not There's nothing. [56:44] >> No, but they think they will. My dude, [56:45] my cocker spaniel, she thinks she's a [56:47] [ __ ] like a beast. She barks. She's [56:49] like right let you know something's up. [56:53] You know, [56:53] >> there's an interesting thing. I I have a [56:55] dog for the first time four years now. [56:57] First dog I've ever had in my life. So, [56:59] I never quite got it before. But I do [57:00] feel this sense of uh I wanted to have [57:03] more appreciation. [57:05] Like [57:06] >> you want the dog to have more [57:07] appreciation. [57:07] >> There's no real appreciation show of a [57:09] dog. Man, you were found in a box on the [57:11] side of the road. Look at your life now. [57:13] Why are you just staring at me? [57:15] >> Why are you not licking my face [57:16] constantly? [57:18] >> Uh I'm judgmental of her for it. But [57:20] it's hilarious. [57:21] >> It is interesting. But I also think that [57:22] my dog, [57:24] >> if she was taken by somebody tomorrow, [57:26] like kidnapped, she would just be like, [57:28] "I love you now." [57:29] >> Oh, they all would. [57:30] >> They all would. There's no loyalty like [57:32] that. They have like probably a half a [57:33] day of memory. [57:34] >> Yeah. I don't know about that. Some dogs [57:35] get very attached to people. [57:36] >> Oh, dude. Do you see those videos of [57:38] like what was the latest one? There was [57:40] a guy who was an ex like Marine going [57:43] through TSA and a [ __ ] dog jumps over [57:46] the TSA people and just starts going [57:49] crazy for him. It was like his military [57:51] dog from when he was in the milit. [58:02] But that's his favorite person. [58:03] >> It was like crazy that [58:05] >> it's not real Jamie. AI GENERATED. [58:07] >> GOD DAMN IT. [58:09] >> HE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ONES THAT GOT [58:10] EVERYBODY. [58:10] >> NO. [58:11] >> Are you serious? [58:12] >> Seth McFarland. [58:13] >> That dog didn't give a [ __ ] about that [58:15] guy. [58:15] >> Seth McFarland did a cartoon thing with [58:17] that where they see a a wolf over the [58:19] ridge and then they tell the whole story [58:20] of like that's a wolf that he saw years [58:22] ago and then they get up to it and it [58:23] wasn't the wolf and it eats them all. [58:26] >> There is a real video though of one [58:28] where the the guy meets it at the [58:29] airport and uh the dog doesn't recognize [58:32] him immediately. It takes a few seconds [58:34] and then figures it out and then starts [58:36] wagging his tail like crazy and kissing [58:37] him. [58:37] >> Ari showed me when he came back from his [58:39] like, you know, trip with wherever the [58:41] hell he went all over the world. He had [58:43] his dog like at his house and what he [58:45] did was he put his shoes down before he [58:47] came into the house and they had him and [58:49] and the dog started smelling his sho and [58:51] went crazy and then just started looking [58:53] around the house and then Ari came in [58:54] and went nuts. But he's like they just [58:56] smell they know what like that what [58:58] their owners feel like. [59:00] >> Well, Ari's dog is a good example. That [59:01] dog, Bandit, that dog is 100% attached [59:04] to Ari. Like when Ari goes to the [59:06] bathroom here, it waits outside the [59:07] bathroom door. Just sits there and you [59:09] can't talk to it. You can't like, "Hey, [59:11] Bandit, what's going on?" It doesn't [59:12] give a [ __ ] about you. [59:13] >> Is that good or bad? [59:15] >> That that kind of a test. It's hard to [59:16] leave. [59:16] >> That was a rescue dog. And I think that [59:18] dog had a horrible life and now it has [59:20] an amazing life. So it associates that [59:22] guy with the love. That guy's That's my [59:24] That's my savior. [59:26] >> Yeah. Which [59:26] >> and that's the kind of appreciation I [59:28] don't think this [ __ ] [ __ ] has given [59:29] me. [59:32] Well, different dogs are different ways, [59:35] you know. [59:36] >> You don't mind it. You had I I had a big [59:38] dog and now we don't have one, but we're [59:39] thinking about getting another one. And [59:41] the consensus is to get a small dog, [59:43] which I'm sort of like, h, but it's not [59:45] a bad deal, I guess, right? [59:47] >> Well, I have two dogs. So, the other dog [59:48] is a normalized dog. He's a golden [59:50] retriever. [59:51] >> And, you know, he he's the worst watch [59:53] dog than the little dog. He loves [59:54] everybody. That dog has no favorites. [59:57] Everybody's his best friend. Okay. [59:58] >> Like everybody who comes over the house, [59:59] if you guys all came out, he would just [60:01] go to you to get pet, then go to you to [60:03] get pet, then go to you to get pet, then [60:04] come and check my ex-girlfriend. What is [60:06] it? My any man, [60:11] >> my dog's like that, too. That's why I [60:12] feel like [60:13] >> song many men. [60:14] >> If my dog though growled at somebody or [60:16] just instinct didn't like somebody, I [60:18] would trust that instinct because she's [60:19] same way. It's like she loves everybody. [60:21] So, if she was like not into someone, [60:22] I'd be like, "This guy's got it's like a [60:24] I want to have the power. You touch him [60:26] and see his murders he's committed. And [60:28] my girlfriend was super attached to me [60:30] for a minute. We and when me and my [60:32] girlfriend would have sex, [60:33] >> like she would go outside of the door [60:34] and she would just scratch at the door [60:35] and whine [60:36] >> and it was the most distracting thing [60:38] ever. Then I'd let her in and she'd just [60:39] sit on the top of the pillow and stare [60:40] at us while we were [ __ ] [60:42] >> You have to invite her in. [60:43] >> Yeah, [60:43] >> it's polite [60:45] off my head. [60:47] >> That's crazy. [60:48] >> Yo, get over here, puddles. [60:49] >> Come here. My dog has zero instincts. [60:52] Like zero survival instincts. It's He's [60:54] hilarious. He ate two lbs of gravel cuz [60:58] uh there was some chicken [61:00] some chicken food got spilled on the [61:02] gravel. So he ate the chicken food and [61:03] then just kept eating. And uh the way we [61:05] found out is uh I I came home and he [61:08] looked [ __ ] up. Like it just didn't [61:10] look good. I'm like, "You okay, buddy?" [61:12] And then he vomits up a bunch of rocks [61:15] and then he has diarrhea. The diarrhea [61:17] has rocks in. I'm like, "What the fuck?" [61:19] I take him outside. He's running around [61:21] [ __ ] all over the place and throwing [61:23] up. Then I have to take him to the vet [61:24] and they go, "Yeah, he swallowed a bunch [61:26] of these. We're going to keep him [61:27] overnight to see if he gets see how it [61:29] works." So he comes out, he's got a IV [61:31] in his arm and [ __ ] conas and a [61:33] little bit sad, you know. And then what [61:35] does he do immediately? He finds a [61:36] turtle in the backyard. Eats that like I [61:39] mean immediately within days and [61:41] everything. He just like [61:42] >> he found a [ __ ] turtle and he bit [61:44] into the turtle and he ate turtle [61:45] shells. I had to take him back to the [61:47] hospital. He had just gotten the cone [61:48] off. We didn't really have to keep the [61:51] cone on him though because he wasn't [61:52] really [ __ ] with his uh his IV [61:54] bandage hole where the area that's what [61:56] they you make sure they don't lick that [61:58] spot. But he was uh he just doesn't have [62:01] any instincts. He's just love like [62:04] everybody like if you come over the [62:05] house you could have a [ __ ] machine [62:07] gun and be wearing a mask and you be [62:08] like, "Hello, hello. I'm your friend." [62:11] >> My dog doesn't give a [ __ ] about [62:12] fireworks. Loud noises. She's never like [62:14] startled. [62:15] >> Oh, my dog panics with fireworks. [62:17] >> Oh, really? [62:17] >> Yeah, he panics. The little one doesn't, [62:19] but the big one, the Marshall, he hears [62:21] fireworks like [62:23] he just starts running around the house [62:25] and whining. Like if you're trying to [62:26] watch a movie and there's a storm [62:27] outside, you're [ __ ] [62:28] >> When's the last time you've really [62:29] enjoyed fireworks show? [62:31] >> I love fireworks [62:32] >> still. [62:32] >> Yeah. My birthday's the 4th of July. And [62:35] I'm like, all right. [62:36] >> I love cell phone videos of fireworks. I [62:38] love going over my old cell phone videos [62:40] of fireworks [62:41] >> of ones that you saw personally. [62:42] >> Yeah. You got to watch them over and [62:44] over again. Like, wow, what a memory. [62:46] Have you has anybody ever watched a cell [62:48] phone? [62:48] >> I never I watched the next day [62:50] >> and nobody ever watches it. Of course [62:51] >> and then you never watch it again. I [62:52] have probably four hours of firework [62:54] videos in my phone that I've never even [62:55] looked at ever again. [62:57] >> That's my feeling about concert phones [62:58] always is you're not going to watch [63:00] this. [63:01] >> You're not going to watch [63:01] >> one of the wildest videos and this is [63:03] before AI. There's a dude. He's got I [63:05] don't know an M80 or some kind of a some [63:08] kind of a firework in his hand and it [63:09] blows off in his hand. blows his hand [63:12] sideways like you see blood is pouring [63:14] out of his hands and then this dude [63:15] shotguns a beer. [63:17] >> Holy [ __ ] [63:18] >> While he's holding his hand, you could [63:19] see the damage in his hand. His hand's [63:21] blown apart. [63:21] >> It's like a big Hispanic guy. [63:22] >> Yeah. [63:23] >> And the dude shotguns a beer while his [63:25] hands and then it shows the aftermath. [63:27] His hands like done. [63:28] >> Oh my god. I created this thing that I [63:31] do the fireworks in. Like it was part of [63:33] our play stage play like structure. It's [63:35] like a tube. So I put cinder blocks [63:38] around it and I put the boxes in. So I [63:40] light it. So in case it goes to the [63:42] side, it [ __ ] hits the tube. We've [63:44] had We've had boxes turned to the side. [63:46] It just shoots in. It just hit [63:49] >> third floor window. [63:50] >> I was one year we didn't have a tube. It [63:52] went into the bushes. People were [63:54] [ __ ] going out running for every Now [63:57] I got the tube, dude. It just shoots. [63:59] >> You do your own fireworks. [64:00] >> I do my own I buy like $800 worth of [64:02] fireworks. [64:02] >> You're an animal? [64:03] >> Yeah. I love it. You're never Where do [64:06] you live? [64:06] >> Long Island. In Long Island, do they [64:08] have those places where it's like like a [64:10] little stand? [64:10] >> No, it's illegal in Long Island. So, I [64:12] got to go to Pennsylvania. [64:13] >> Well, you get them uh there's you got [64:15] like in Jersey, you go to 7-Eleven and [64:16] it's the fireworks. They don't shoot up [64:18] in the sky. They shoot like 8 ft in the [64:20] sky. [64:20] >> They're okay. [64:20] >> So, they're kind of fun. You get a box [64:22] for like 40 bucks. [64:23] >> In Texas, you can buy nuclear bombs. You [64:26] can you can literally you go you go to [64:29] the [ __ ] a truck that pulls over like [64:32] on the corner of the road and you could [64:34] buy things that you can't believe are [64:36] legal. I've launched these [ __ ] [64:38] things from my backyard. You watch them [64:39] shoot in the sky and you're like [64:41] >> that's a real firework like a legit [64:43] Disneyland firework. JUST [64:48] SIX, seven of them in a row. Look at [64:50] these guys. And [64:51] >> that's what Look at the tube. [64:52] >> That's the kind of tube I have. So yeah, [64:55] >> they light it and run. [64:57] >> Yeah, you can you can buy straight up. [64:59] >> Small fires around the neighborhood. [65:00] Good call, Steve. [65:01] >> You could buy those a mile from my [65:03] house. [65:04] >> Oh my god. [65:04] >> Yeah, they can do anything here, dude. [65:06] They gave Ker They gave Ker a machine [65:08] gun. [65:08] >> Look at that. [65:08] >> Look at that. That's Well, I launched [65:10] one of those like that in my backyard. [65:11] I'm not bullshitting. Here's the [65:15] >> Is that a success? [65:16] >> Yeah, that's not good, dude. Look, you [65:18] just give that to anybody cuz they don't [65:20] have to point it at the sky. Look how [65:22] far that's going. That's what I'm [65:23] saying. [65:23] >> Imagine if you pointed that at your [65:24] ex-girlfriend's house. You like you set [65:26] it up in the back of a pickup truck, [65:27] wedged it in there, lit that [ __ ] [65:30] just angled it right. [65:31] >> Oh, yeah. We used to have Roman Roman [65:32] candle fights when we were kids. When we [65:34] were teenagers Oh, Jesus Christ. [65:37] >> We used to make chlorine bombs. Do you [65:38] ever make a chlorine bomb? [65:39] >> What? No. [65:40] >> Is that the guy? [65:41] >> I'm not a homegrown terrorist handp. [65:43] >> Look at his hand IS BLOWING. [65:45] >> OH MY GOD. [65:47] >> OH, REALLY? That's not even the guy I [65:50] was talking to. Oh, that's horrible. [65:52] That's horrible. [65:54] >> I was in New York City. I think [65:55] >> I appreciate the guys just like, "Well, [65:57] this is already a situation. There's no [65:59] rock and roll. [66:00] >> Can't turn Can't turn back time, right?" [66:01] So, this is the situation. [66:04] >> The toothpaste is out of the tube, my [66:05] friend. I'm already in my underwear. I'm [66:07] already in my underwear on the floor. [66:09] >> Look at it dripping dangling. [66:10] >> I mean, his hand is blown [ __ ] apart. [66:14] >> It's like a claw now. [66:15] >> And then he just drinks. [66:16] >> What are you going to do? [66:16] >> Is that Uncle Laser? [66:19] I mean, [66:19] >> did you find the one of the guys worked [66:21] to that guy's hand? I wonder what [66:23] >> before we Can we find out what happened [66:25] to that guy's hand? [66:26] >> Followup. [66:27] >> Yeah, as a follow-up. [66:28] >> It actually works perfectly. [66:29] >> Yeah. [66:30] >> Yeah, that's the thing. [66:31] >> Maybe it's better. [66:33] >> Now, all the scar tissues somehow held [66:35] the hand together in a better way. [66:36] >> You never heard of chlorine bombs? We [66:38] used to make those when we were kids. [66:39] You take a 2 L bottle of like an empty 2 [66:41] liter bottle of soda. You know those [66:43] chlorine tablets? You crack up two of [66:44] those, put them in the bottom. [66:46] >> No, Steve alcohols, [ __ ] twist it, [66:49] shake it, and run, dude. And it just [66:51] sizzles up, and it just explodes. And if [66:54] you're within like a perimeter, you get [66:56] like you'll get knocked on your ass with [66:58] a huff of chlorine. [66:59] >> So, you could potentially make one of [67:01] those and chuck it into someone's [67:03] window. [67:03] >> You could put in a mailbox, allegedly. [67:05] >> Yeah, but it would take a while. [67:07] >> The mailbox thing, though. Yeah. Okay. [67:10] >> You shake the mail. You have about 15 [67:13] seconds before it goes off. [67:14] So, so if someone it's like someone's [67:17] window was open [67:19] >> and you know you were you were on the [67:21] ground floor and they were on the second [67:22] floor. You could like [67:23] >> put the lid on that photo. [67:24] >> Shake it. Throw it in. Dude, [67:26] >> that's the guy's hand. [67:27] >> OH MY GOD. THE THE other photo here is [67:30] uh very graphic. [67:31] >> Okay. [67:31] >> His hand turned into a swast. [67:33] >> Let's go. What's the other photo? Here [67:34] we go. HERE'S THE NEXT PHOTO. [67:36] >> OH MY GOD. [67:39] >> Oh my god. [67:41] >> Oh, so he lost his whole hand. Dude, [67:43] that opened. It's like Terminator 2. [67:45] >> Yes. [67:46] >> That's crazy. That's crazy. [67:48] >> Oh my god. [67:49] >> He might have kept a finger. [67:51] >> [ __ ] a. [67:52] >> No. At that point, just cut it off. [67:54] >> Give me a little Give me one of the [67:55] robot hair. [67:55] >> Just Yeah. Give me a claw. Like one of [67:57] the the new [67:58] >> I'll get the little Tyrannosaurus Rex [68:00] head like they have on those stick [68:01] things. How fun would that be? [68:03] >> Don't they really have the ones you [68:04] could just twist on and make a different [68:05] like [68:06] >> like one to hand ones like you can [68:08] >> Yeah. Yeah. [68:09] >> You know, like a claw. Yeah. Like for [68:11] different uses. Yeah, I think James [68:13] Bond, one of those James Bonds. [68:14] >> Yeah, [68:14] >> that was a thing. [68:15] >> I met a dude at the comedy store. It was [68:17] this guy from Australia and he got his [68:19] uh hand and his leg bitten off by a [68:22] shark. And so he had a carbon fiber leg [68:24] and a carbon fiber hand. The guy walked [68:26] around no limp and he could shake your [68:28] hand. [68:28] >> Light as a feather, too. [68:30] >> Oh, that's awesome. [68:32] >> Yeah. Look, you get tools. [68:34] >> Whoa. [68:35] >> That's better. That's better than a real [68:36] hand. [68:36] >> That's better, dude. I would rather than [68:38] having a deformed claw. Yeah, [68:40] >> definitely better than having a claw. [68:42] And maybe you could put a vibrator in [68:44] the other end of that thing. [68:45] >> It's definitely not better than having a [68:46] hand. [68:46] >> Definitely not. [68:47] >> If you put a vibrator on, how are you [68:49] going to get to possibly get it in your [68:50] ass? There's no angle. [68:51] >> You can make an angle. There's another [68:53] >> It's a different attachment. Yeah, dude. [68:54] >> Oh, an elbow. I understand. Give you a [68:57] give you [68:57] >> It's like that thing you got to put [68:58] between the uh front and and back of the [69:01] vacuum cleaner. [69:02] >> The long piece. [69:03] >> Yeah. The extension. [69:08] >> Yeah. It articulates. You have to screw [69:10] something in the middle of it and then [69:11] it comes out. [69:11] >> If they start making body parts that are [69:13] better than our parts, it's going to be [69:14] a problem [69:15] >> because people are going to want to be [69:16] cyborgs. [69:17] >> People already get fake tits. They don't [69:19] like their tits, so they get a fake one [69:21] because it makes their tits be look [69:22] better. If you can get arms that worked [69:25] way better and you actually feel through [69:27] them, there's going to be dudes that get [69:28] their arms hacked off. [69:29] >> But how do you weigh out like that? It's [69:31] not like the psychosis of people who [69:32] want to just take off. You know what I [69:34] Like now now there's a real gives people [69:36] a reason who want to do amp, you know, [69:38] voluntary healthy arm. [69:40] >> No, that's what I'm saying. People who [69:40] are like I was not supposed to be born [69:42] with this arm. I don't feel right with [69:43] this left arm to get it taken off. But [69:45] like [69:45] >> but you could just not have any [69:47] regulations and let people do that. Like [69:49] if it gets to the point where it's that [69:50] good, you could just say, yeah, we're [69:52] you know, my body's fine. Don't get me [69:54] wrong. I'm not one of those people, but [69:56] I'm 42 and I'm starting to feel it. And [69:59] uh Mike got a whole fake body and [70:01] [ __ ] Mike is just having so much fun. [70:04] He's got so much more energy than me and [70:06] apparently no side effects. [70:08] >> So you just go in there, take your [70:10] [ __ ] head off and [70:13] >> screw it into some robot body. [70:15] >> It's weird to be able to take healthy [70:17] arms off. [70:18] >> Do you know about that guy? There's this [70:19] one guy that was uh he got I think it [70:22] was like a a doctor and he had his legs [70:27] removed. He he had his legs voluntarily [70:29] amputated. He tried to pretend for a [70:31] long time that there was like something [70:33] wrong with his legs and had to get him [70:35] amputated, but it turned out it was just [70:36] a weird sexual fetish. [70:38] >> So, uh, [70:39] >> and so I think he got his license taken [70:41] away. But this guy was a practicing [70:44] doctor, I believe. Doctor jailed after [70:46] getting his own legs amputated for [70:48] sexual fetish then making insurance [70:50] claim. He made an insurance claim. [70:51] >> Well, that's the crazy part. A vascular [70:53] surgeon in England was sentenced to 32 [70:55] months in prison for insurance fraud and [70:58] possession of extreme pornographic [71:00] images. [71:01] >> That's interesting. Like the insurance [71:03] fraud, I get you put him in jail for [71:04] that, but is extreme pornographic [71:06] images. Those are illegal. [71:07] >> Cuz this chick, he he met a hot young [71:10] chick that was like, I love getting [71:11] stump [ __ ] And I just feel like you [71:13] can't supply that for. Sure you're rich. [71:15] >> Oh, what's hilarious? His name is His [71:17] last name is Hopper. [71:21] That's crazy. [71:23] >> He had been packing his [71:25] >> sounds like a children's book about a [71:26] very brave man. [71:28] >> Look at this. [71:28] >> Hopper couldn't hop anymore. He claimed [71:31] that the the injuries to his limbs were [71:32] the result of sep of sepsis, but in [71:35] reality, Hopper had been packing his [71:37] legs in ice and dry ice in an act of [71:40] self mutilation. authorities said the [71:42] defendant was paying a c uh was a paying [71:45] customer of a since shuttered website [71:47] that sold videos of amputations and body [71:50] modification including penises being [71:52] removed. So that's what he got arrested [71:55] for as well as insurance claim. [71:57] >> Do you remember those videos from back [71:58] in the day? The uh body modification [72:00] extreme [72:01] >> BME. Yeah. [72:02] >> Yeah. Dude, that was a cra half but some [72:04] of it was real. [72:05] >> Yeah. No, a lot of it was real. [72:06] >> Yeah. guys who like just like [ __ ] [72:08] slice their dicks open with razor blades [72:10] like crazy. [72:11] >> Do you know Devin Lorat, the world [72:13] champion arm wrestler? Do you know who [72:15] that guy is? [72:15] >> Yes. [72:16] >> Yeah. His brother was the guy who ran uh [72:19] Body Modification Extreme. Shannon [72:21] Shannon Lorat. I was friends with him. [72:22] >> Really? [72:22] >> He ran that website. Yeah. [72:24] >> Yeah. [72:25] >> What an awful him to take submissions [72:26] for every day. [72:27] >> Yeah. [72:28] >> Is this good enough? [72:29] >> Just the amount of [ __ ] you're saying. [72:30] >> You're going to look at [72:31] >> Yeah. I filleted my [ __ ] [72:34] >> Maybe put in the baby pile. [72:35] >> Yeah. packing his legs with dry ice to [72:38] kill them and then claim he's got sepsis [72:40] so he needs his legs removed. Like [72:42] that's wild. [72:43] >> The fact that people can sexualize [72:45] everything is great. That remember how [72:47] ridiculous the movie was Crash where it [72:48] was like they have to be in car [72:49] accidents while they [ __ ] [72:51] >> Mhm. [72:51] >> Like it's how dumb but people are in the [72:53] That's not It's the strangest thing in [72:54] the world now. [72:56] >> It's stupid but it's like Yeah, I could [72:58] see there might be one case of that. I [73:01] don't know if I have sex sexualization [73:03] in anything other than sexual stuff. [73:05] >> Good for you. [73:05] >> I don't have like foot I never get the [73:08] foot thing. Never got foot fetishes. [73:10] >> Come on. A nice foot. [73:11] >> No. No. You're a weirdo for sure. [73:13] >> Nice feet are pretty. [73:14] >> Yeah. [73:14] >> Nice feet. Small size six on a woman. [73:17] They turn you on. They like really get [73:19] your dick hard. That's a slippery. [73:20] >> No. Putting it in my mouth. Like putting [73:21] a toe in my mouth turns me on. Not like [73:23] looking at looking at feet. That's [73:25] weird. But if a girl puts her foot in my [73:26] mouth a little musty after the gym. Oh. [73:30] >> Uh, yeah. I don't know. [73:33] >> Every time I was gonna be like, "Well, I [73:35] do." Nope. [73:36] >> I'll be with that. [73:38] >> This little piggy stinks. [73:40] >> No. [73:40] >> Yeah. This little piggy came right from [73:42] work. Huh. My Instagram algorithm is a [73:44] mess. And I had this one that popped up [73:46] the other day. It's an insert that women [73:48] put in the bottom of their shoes. So, [73:50] the bottom of their shoes, like between [73:52] their foot and the shoe, is like the [73:53] bottom, like the the insole is like a [73:55] flesh. And she was sticking bananas, [73:58] like lubing up her feet and sticking [74:00] bananas in between her foot and the the [74:03] spongy part, you know, like saying like, [74:05] "Look, you could [ __ ] the bottom of my [74:07] foot." And I just shot my phone off. I [74:09] not doing anymore. I'm not [74:11] >> send that video, Joe, when you get a [74:12] chance. I just want to see if they'll [74:15] hold their feet together to create the [74:17] hole, right? So they put their feet [74:19] together and then you could [ __ ] the [74:20] like the soles of their feet like the [74:21] arch [74:22] >> to create like Yeah, I've heard. So, [74:25] I've heard. I mean, feet is probably [74:27] better than like wanting to [ __ ] [74:28] furniture or something like that if [74:30] you're going to have a proclivity to [74:31] something really bad. But, I mean, like, [74:33] imagine, [74:33] >> how about you guys stop being so [ __ ] [74:35] judgmental, you know? [74:35] >> I'm just saying is pretty much one and [74:38] the same. [74:39] >> No, they're not, dude. [74:41] >> No, I just the Listen, if said, I'm not [74:44] like a party stopper. So, if a girl had [74:46] nice feet and was like, I want you to [74:48] suck my toes, I would. Mhm. [74:50] >> But I would never I would never grab her [74:52] ankle and stuff her [ __ ] bunion foot [74:54] in my face. [74:55] >> She got hammer toe. [74:57] >> Yeah. I like a working girl. [74:58] >> Knock two. [75:02] >> It is weird the the things that people [75:04] can sexualize. [75:05] >> That's what I mean. Like [75:06] >> it's all I think everyone's on a [75:07] spectrum of whatever like their freak is [75:09] like whatever the the freakiest thing [75:10] you like is on a spectrum [75:12] unquestionably. [75:13] >> Well, that's one of the weirder things [75:14] about this whole trans movement. And [75:17] there's nothing against trans people, [75:19] but there was a real thing that existed [75:21] before people just identify with the [75:24] opposite sex and just feel like you're [75:25] born in the wrong body. Like I don't [75:26] know what that feels like. I don't, you [75:28] know, I'm not judgmental. But what I am [75:32] curious about is what ever happened to [75:33] autogyophilia? So autogophilia is a real [75:37] psychological condition where men get [75:38] turned on dressing up as women, but [75:41] they're not into men. They're into they [75:43] don't identify as a woman. they're a man [75:46] who gets turned on by dressing up as [75:47] women. It's it's been in the like [75:49] psychological literature forever. And [75:50] that these guys want to have sex with [75:52] women, but they want to dress up like a [75:54] woman. Like now [75:55] >> like the professors who wear like [75:57] panties under their [ __ ] [75:59] >> like Herby Hoover crossdresser or [76:01] something like that. Allegedly. [76:03] >> The website he was on was not just a [76:05] weird not [76:07] >> Oh, the surgeon that got his legs [76:08] removed. [76:08] >> Yeah, man. [76:09] >> Oh, boy. What was it? UNICMAKER.COM [76:14] pay-per-view fetish website featuring [76:16] videos of men and boys either maming [76:18] themselves or allowing others to [76:20] mutilate them on camera. [76:22] >> That'll get you put in jail. [76:24] >> It's got to be dark. That'll get you put [76:25] in jail. [76:26] >> There's no there's no hiding that if if [76:28] you somebody checks your search history [76:29] and you've unic. [76:30] >> Oh my god. Michael says his castration [76:33] earned him $60 or60 which didn't even [76:37] cover the cost of his travel. Oh man, I [76:39] cut my dick off and all I got was 60 [76:41] pounds. That's a good shirt. [76:42] >> My castration [76:44] >> I cut my [ __ ] off and all I got was 60 [76:46] pounds. [76:46] >> Oh my god. [76:47] >> And the shirt, [76:48] >> dude. I get [76:49] >> people are Did the people get into the [76:52] most [ __ ] up things? [76:54] >> Is that just like a like a level of [76:57] chemical imbalance that's in you or is [76:58] that that traumatized into you? [77:00] >> That's a good question. Like if [77:02] someone's just like I can't even get [77:04] hard unless someone unless there's a [77:05] clown in the room [77:06] >> or unless some What's the matter? [77:08] >> Well, so here I was trying to find what [77:09] he got cuz he got arrested for three [77:11] counts of having extreme pornography and [77:13] I was hoping some article would say what [77:15] it was and here we go. [77:16] >> Here we go, [77:17] >> Steve. Okay. The first video cost Hopper [77:20] 10 10. It shows Gusto Gustofson [77:24] castrating another man. The second [77:26] costing 35 pounds features a man tied to [77:29] a bed while Gustiffson rolls dice to [77:31] decide which body parts to remove. The [77:34] man ended up losing his penis and [77:36] testicles and bled so much that [77:38] Gustiffson called an ambulance all with [77:40] the camera still rolling. In a third [77:42] video, also costing Hopper 35 lbs, a man [77:45] cut off his own penis and holds it up to [77:48] the camera. [ __ ] [77:49] >> This is this is bizarly affordable. The [77:54] prices these things are these are way [77:56] low prices. [77:57] >> It's not one. It's like the only like [77:58] Only Fans or girls sell their tits for [78:00] 20 bucks, but it's like a thousand dudes [78:02] are buying the guy. Okay, but that's [78:04] just showing your tits. This is [78:06] filleting your [ __ ] Open your [ __ ] like [78:07] a hot dog. [78:08] >> I want to watch Steve fillet his own [78:09] [ __ ] [78:11] that day, dude. Holy [ __ ] [78:13] >> Next year's uh end of the summer games. [78:15] >> What about like if you had like say I [78:16] had a Prince Albert, would you think [78:18] about me differently? Would you be like, [78:19] "Oh, this [78:19] >> that's like a rod through your head." [78:21] >> The rod through the head. I'd say you [78:23] got problems. [78:24] >> I say generally generally metal. There's [78:28] a thing. [78:28] >> I mean, I'm not judging. [78:29] >> Yeah. Guys get implants in their dicks. [78:31] Their dicks are like bumped. Like, you [78:32] know, they're like ribbed for her [78:33] pleasure. Like they make their dick [78:35] >> Oh, yeah. [78:36] >> ribbed for her pleasure. That's called a [78:38] rabbit hole. So, uh, Instagram, they [78:42] can't show dick enhancement operations, [78:44] but they do link to their YouTube. And [78:46] so somehow in my [ __ ] popup I see [78:49] this guy who's looking he's he's got [78:52] this piece of something in his hand that [78:54] looks remarkably similar to Reneesi's [78:57] [ __ ] fish fillet and he's like moving [79:00] this thing around and saying this is [79:01] going to add 3 in and 2 in of diameter [79:05] and he's like explaining all the [79:06] different things this is going to do and [79:08] then you realize like oh that's going in [79:09] a dick. He can't show it to you but then [79:11] he talks to the guys afterwards. He [79:13] says, "Tell me about the experience." [79:14] Like, "Oh, I'm so happy. It's It looks [79:16] amazing. I look at it in the mirror. It [79:18] looks amazing." And then it's like, [79:19] "Check out more on my YouTube channel." [79:21] Like, h, you got me. So, on the YouTube [79:24] channel, you you see the dicks. You [79:26] because you're it's a medical dick [79:28] enlargement. You can look at a lot of [79:30] dicks on YouTube as long as it's in a [79:33] medical context. So you're seeing these [79:35] guys [79:36] puffed up hogs where they're they're [79:39] taking this like thing and they're un [79:43] cutting on where the ball meets the dick [79:46] and they're shoving this sheath in this [79:48] plastic sheath that stretches it out and [79:51] plumps it up. [79:53] >> Jay considered getting lipos suction on [79:54] his FAA to make his dick bigger. That's [79:56] a real story. [79:57] >> Well, so it's not going to make it [79:58] bigger. It'll show bigger. [80:00] >> It'll show bigger. A nice house with [80:02] bigger. Yeah. Yeah. You have to judge it [80:04] up. Uh [80:05] >> it's a real thing. [80:06] >> What took what took me out of it? I went [80:08] for the uh you know what do you call it [80:11] consultation [80:12] >> and when and I don't know why I didn't [80:14] see this coming for so like I was like [80:16] well of course he's got to see the [80:18] situation that he wants to [80:19] >> get in there and fix. Yeah. [80:21] >> So he just comes in and sits in a a [80:23] stool where he is eye level with my [80:25] dick. [80:27] >> He goes, "Pull your pants down." And I [80:30] was like, "Ah, shit." So, I pull him [80:31] down to my knees and he goes, "Now, come [80:34] over here in the mirror." And I'm like, [80:35] "Oh, I don't want to do this part [80:36] either. [80:37] >> Now, kiss me." [80:39] >> He goes, "Um," he goes, "Okay, this is [80:42] how your penis looks when you're [80:43] standing naturally now." [80:45] >> And then he gives me a a [ __ ] a [80:47] diamond cutter around my dick and balls. [80:50] And he pushes back and he goes, "And [80:52] that's what it will look like after the [80:55] surgery." And I went, "Okay, can I go?" [80:58] And I never looked back. I never looked [80:59] back in the eye. I was like, "Yo, get [81:01] the [ __ ] [81:03] god." He [ __ ] diamond cuted your dick [81:06] and ball pushed it back just [81:08] >> like that. Just had my wiener poking [81:11] through his diamond. It was insane. [81:13] >> Would it have been more uncomfortable if [81:15] before he did it, you said, "I want you [81:16] to feel safe." [81:17] >> Yeah. Yeah. Put your hand on my low [81:19] back. I want you to be comfortable. [81:20] >> Yeah. Groom me a little. I'm just throw [81:23] me in a fire. [81:23] >> I just want you to relax. [81:24] >> Hey, you probably love looking at your [81:25] dick at You probably love looking at [81:27] your dick in the mirror standing up. [81:29] >> Oh boy. I'll never think about that [81:31] again somewhere. [81:32] >> That's what I'm going to think about. [81:33] >> Dang. [81:34] >> Maybe he was Illuminati. [81:36] >> Dude, it's [81:37] >> It is kind of crazy that with all of our [81:39] technology, there's no dick enhancement [81:42] medication yet. [81:43] >> If there was, it would be out there. I [81:44] mean, like, it would be the biggest [81:46] thing. It would be the hair transplants [81:48] in Turkey. It would be your old dude. [81:50] Remember your pet? Like, guys would just [81:53] be chugging them [ __ ] 30 minutes [81:55] before the first guy dies of an [81:57] overdose. [81:58] They they would go found out find out [82:00] how much gives me a stroke and take one [82:03] less than that. Like [82:05] >> that's that would be the problem. But I [82:07] mean it's kind of amazing that no one [82:08] has come up with anything. Like it's [82:10] just like a problem they can't solve. [82:12] Like cosmetic surgery in women has [82:14] solved so many problems. [82:15] >> Well, when they say that they, you know, [82:16] they they probably can cure cancer, but [82:18] they don't because the treatment's in [82:20] the, you know, the money's in the [82:22] treatment. Speaking of cancer, everyone [82:23] would get uh dick biging surgery. Of [82:26] course, for sure. Except there's a few [82:28] dudes out there. Uh, Viagra may reduce [82:31] cancer metastasis. Wow. Viagra is [82:33] originally developed to treat high blood [82:35] pressure and chest pain caused by [82:37] reduced blood flow to the heart, but [82:38] over the past three decades become the [82:40] world's best known therapy for erectile [82:42] defunction. Uh, defunction dysfunction. [82:45] So, what is it saying now? Um, [82:49] okay. [82:51] Safanol limits cancer cells ability to [82:53] make use of cholesterol. Wow. An [82:56] essential component of cellular [82:57] membranes. Cholesterol is particularly [82:59] important for cancer cells seeking to [83:01] break away from the primary tumor and [83:03] migrate throughout the body and invade [83:05] distant organs. Wow. [83:08] Viagra can keep cancer from spreading. [83:11] >> Interesting. [83:11] >> Thank God. That's why I take it then. [83:13] >> Yeah. [83:13] >> Yep. [83:14] >> Interesting. [83:14] >> Promise I can't get my dick hard unless [83:16] I have cancer. [83:17] >> Oh boy. [83:18] >> It's like that guy with the the legs. [83:20] >> Yeah. [83:21] >> To give yourself cancer just to get [83:22] hard. [83:23] >> Crazy [ __ ] I just want to I want to [83:25] jerk off with an oxygen tube in my nose. [83:30] >> I just want to be barely breathing. [83:33] I [83:33] >> just know I can still nut. [83:35] >> But once you get into like [83:36] desensitization too, like there's videos [83:39] of pretty attractive women blowing in [83:42] [ __ ] horses. [83:43] >> Yeah. [83:43] >> Like they've been talked into this [83:44] somehow and they're not going [83:47] >> like when they grab it like they're like [83:50] Yeah. It's like all right, we rolling. [83:52] All right, let me suck this horse's dick [83:54] real quick. [83:55] >> Boy, [83:55] >> and they're big. [83:56] >> And I'll tell you what, it's always a [83:57] surprise come shot. [83:59] >> It's surprising. [84:00] >> It just blows their mouth hard. It [84:02] shoots all out of the sides and then [84:04] they're like, [84:05] >> there's a job where like you have to [84:06] collect the semen from horses. [84:07] Essentially, you have like a giant [84:09] pocket [ __ ] for a horse and they have [84:11] to [ __ ] jerk the horse off into this [84:13] giant tube to collect [84:14] >> horse [ __ ] the thing while you hold it. [84:16] That's like what I did with the one time [84:17] on Legion of Skanks. Jay held a [84:19] flashlight and he jerk and he jerked me [84:22] off of it. [84:23] >> Yeah, he jerked me off with the [84:24] flashlight. You're gay. Congratulations. [84:25] >> I think I missed that week. [84:27] >> Episode gay. [84:28] >> No, there was nothing gay about it. [84:29] Nobody touched each other. [84:31] >> But Lewis did [ __ ] the flesh. I [84:33] >> No, he jerked me off with it. It's not [84:34] >> seems gay. Who was holding the [84:36] flashlight? [84:36] >> He was on the flesh and jerking me off [84:38] with it. [84:39] >> You moved or his dick isn't big enough [84:41] to just hold it in the air? You [84:43] basically [ __ ] him. [84:44] >> This is a great question that we've come [84:45] up in the past. Is it gay if you open [84:48] your mouth and a guy puts his dick in [84:50] your mouth, but it doesn't touch any of [84:51] the edges? [84:52] >> It's just occupying the space inside [84:54] your mouth, but you're you're not [84:55] blowing them. Like the game day, the [84:57] guy's definitely a bottom cuz his dick's [84:59] so small. It doesn't bang the edges at [85:01] all. [85:02] >> Very, you know what kind of accuracy you [85:04] would have to have? You know how you [85:06] play that game, Operation? [85:07] >> That's That's what it's like. It's like [85:08] the most advanced game of Operation. [85:11] >> And if it touches a tooth or a tongue, [85:13] the guy gags. [85:14] >> Yeah. Your nose lights up, red, you just [85:16] get maybe like a maybe like a live [85:18] Tyler, like a Steven Tyler's family. [85:20] Like maybe those people could probably [85:22] >> be honest with you. My dick could easily [85:23] fit into your mouth space. [85:25] >> No, come on. Shut up. Ah, you think? [85:28] Come on. Look at that. [85:28] >> Is this going to get Is this going to [85:30] get us demonetized? [85:31] >> No, cuz these things are You've been [85:33] I've been wrong about things before. I [85:35] was always like, "My dick probably can [85:37] fit right through a [ __ ] toilet paper [85:39] roll, but it can't." [85:40] >> Or uh the head of a um a Gatorade [85:43] bottle. You got a piss in a car and I'm [85:44] like, "Oh, my dick could easily fit in a [85:46] Gatorade bottle." No, it's crazy. [85:48] >> You got to shove it in. You know how [85:49] many times Shafir [85:50] >> You make it fit. Shove it in. [85:52] >> Ari Shafir sitting in that very chair [85:54] where you are has pissed into [ __ ] [85:55] kombucha bottles. How many How many [85:57] times, Jamie? [85:58] >> I mean, which which episode like [86:00] multiple times per [86:01] >> multiple times. He just won't use the [86:02] bathroom. He He just piss in a bottle. [86:04] He went [86:05] >> Did he tell you? [86:06] >> No. He just pulls his dick out, starts [86:08] peeing in a bottle. And then one time he [86:09] went out in the hall and he pissed and I [86:11] had to go Ari. Jesus Christ. Just the [86:14] bathroom is five steps later. Just keep [86:17] stepping and then you're in the [86:18] bathroom. Stop. [86:19] >> We were going down a really bad rabbit [86:21] hole with Ari cuz Ari like remember [86:23] Skank Fest like every year [86:24] >> [ __ ] into a Tupperware dog on at [86:27] Skankfest on stage during Kill Tony. He [86:31] came out and he in front of the entire [86:33] owners got naked put cardboard on the [86:35] floor and just [ __ ] on the card. I [86:38] walked in the room and Ari was playing [86:39] with his [ __ ] Like everyone's like, [86:40] "What the [ __ ] is going on?" I was like, [86:42] "Well, I got to go. I can't watch that." [86:44] >> Allen type [ __ ] [86:45] >> Yeah, that's what the guy who [ __ ] [86:47] wanted to kill Buork did. [86:49] >> He played with his [ __ ] [86:50] >> He covered himself in [ __ ] and shot [86:51] himself. [86:52] >> If Ari killed Buork, I wouldn't be [86:53] stunned. [86:55] >> I bet they crossed paths with his [86:57] travels. [86:57] >> I bet. You ever seen that one time where [86:59] Bork [ __ ] some guy up at the airport [87:02] >> like physically? [87:03] >> Yeah. Some journalist was It was a guy [87:05] or maybe it was a woman. some but some [87:07] journalist was harassing her at the [87:09] airport like following around camera in [87:11] her face and she just eventually turns [87:13] and just starts wailing on this person. [87:15] I thought it was a dude but now that I'm [87:16] thinking about it might be a lady. I [87:17] think it's a lady [87:19] >> can't remember but I do remember [ __ ] [87:20] this lady up. [87:21] >> She's like yeah she's like trying to [87:22] ignore her completely and then just add [87:23] a note 0 to 60. [87:25] >> So this person is like just shoving [87:27] >> Yeah, it's a woman. [87:28] >> Oh yeah, it's a woman. Oh [ __ ] feral [87:31] dude. [87:32] >> That's funny with the microphone too. [87:34] She's fighting back. Dan Sod show Dan [87:36] Soder showed me years ago a funny thing [87:38] of Buork on YouTube. It's just Bork [87:41] explains the insides of a computer and [87:43] it's really her and she's just like it [87:45] looks like a little city and the people [87:47] go up in the elevator maybe and the and [87:50] the wires are like the people maybe. [87:52] It's like she or she explains an open [87:54] TV. It's what TV explains an open TV. [87:59] >> It looks like this would be the little [88:01] elevator. [88:03] It's so [ __ ] funny. [88:05] >> A rude thing to just run up to someone [88:07] and stick a camera in their face like [88:08] that. [88:09] >> Yeah. I don't believe like all those [88:10] like uh first amendment guys, they'll [88:12] just stand outside of like a like a [88:14] store and they'll videotape you and [88:15] you're like, what are you taping for? [88:17] It's like, what's your problem, dude? [88:18] Free speech. It's America. You could do [88:19] this. You're like, I'm looking for [88:21] trouble. [88:21] >> [ __ ] kill you. Get the camera out of [88:23] my face. And then it's like a whole it's [88:25] a whole genre on on X and on [88:27] >> Well, there's just too many people [88:28] looking for content. I was going to say [88:30] if you go like this, if the response of [88:31] what someone says to you is, "What?" [88:34] >> You're already an [ __ ] [88:35] >> Yeah. Second incident. [88:36] >> The second Buork attack. Oh, she's wild. [88:39] >> She attacked a paparazzi photographer [88:41] after arriving in New Zealand for a [88:43] concert. [88:45] >> This is in what year was this? [88:47] >> I don't 18 years ago. So, it doesn't [88:50] have a year on. [88:51] >> She goes, she's like a girl Axel Rose. [88:53] >> Well, that thing says 2008. Okay. So, [88:56] she took a couple of pictures. As I [88:57] turned to walk away, she came up behind [88:59] me, grabbed the back of my black [89:00] skiibby, and tore it. Uh, as she did [89:03] this, she fell over. She fell to the [89:05] ground. At no point, at no stage, did I [89:08] touch her or speak with her. Bork said [89:11] nothing during the incident, but her [89:12] male companion was saying, "Be don't do [89:14] this. Be don't do this. [89:17] She's just wild." [89:20] >> Yeah. Untethered. [89:21] >> Yeah. [89:21] >> Unfathered. [89:23] >> Yeah. Oh, yeah. She dressed like a duck. [89:24] >> Yeah. Yeah. You grow up with an umlout [89:26] in your name, it's going to create [89:27] mental problems. [89:29] >> She's from Icelandic described [89:30] television. [89:31] >> Those are wild people. That's a wild [89:33] place. [89:34] >> Yeah, that's a wild place. [89:36] >> I've always wanted to go to Reikovich. [89:37] >> That is a cold ass wild place filled [89:40] with giant human beings. Like some of [89:42] the biggest strong men in the world all [89:44] come from Iceland. [89:46] >> Prometheus. That guy from [89:47] >> Oh yeah. Yeah. Bujorn Game of Thrones. [89:49] Yeah. Um a bunch of the strong men. It's [89:52] like it's like a freakish culture of [89:54] humans up there. [89:55] >> Is it just genetics or is it what they [89:57] do for [89:57] >> Vikings? Yeah. [89:58] >> Oh, it's like the Magnus for Magnus. [90:01] >> Those are the real Vikings. The leftover [90:03] Vikings. And when you see those guys [90:05] winning those strongman competitions, [90:06] you got to imagine a [ __ ] boatload of [90:09] them. [90:10] >> A boatload of them pulling up on your [90:12] shore with battle axes and [ __ ] [90:15] running out. They're on mushrooms. [90:17] >> I'm on a marsh. [90:18] >> Yeah. [90:19] They would get they would be tripping on [90:21] mushrooms when they would go berserking. [90:22] >> That's wild. [90:23] >> Oh, bro. And that's like they're still [90:26] there. It's like those genetics are [90:28] still in those [ __ ] mountains. [90:29] >> Did you go there just to travel there? [90:31] >> No. No. I just know about it. I just [90:33] know a lot about Iceland specifically [90:34] because of uh the uh strongman culture. [90:37] It's very weird. It's weird that how [90:39] many of the strongest men in the world [90:41] all came out of Iceland. And you see the [90:43] size of them, you're like, "Oh, okay. I [90:45] get it." Like these are not regular [90:47] humans. Yeah. [90:49] >> Like if if you were like a pygmy tribe [90:52] and you got in a boat and you landed in [90:54] Iceland and you got out like back in the [90:56] day and you little 4ft tall people and [90:59] then all of a sudden you saw [91:01] >> I was like that's a totally different [91:02] species. [91:03] >> It's like the scene in the Odyssey where [91:04] the giants are [ __ ] running through [91:05] the woods just hacking them up. Spoiler [91:07] alert. [91:08] >> I know. I haven't seen it. So good. [91:09] >> [ __ ] I loved it. [91:10] >> There's giants. [91:11] >> I haven't seen it yet either. I heard it [91:12] was great though. [91:13] >> Trojan what? Even the people that were [91:15] mad at it for being, you know, woke [91:16] casting or whatever, they still said it [91:18] was. [91:18] >> It did take me out of it. I will say, [91:19] uh, what's her name? Um, his name Elliot [91:22] Page. Yeah, they they booked him be like [91:23] a like a a soldier and you're like, [91:26] every time he talks on screen, you're [91:27] like, that used to be a woman. I'm not [91:29] like it just kind of took me out of it. [91:31] But [91:31] >> the only thing less scary than a female [91:33] cop, trans cop, [91:37] >> uh, I've had nothing but pleasant [91:39] interactions with trans men, [91:41] >> women to men. Yeah, [91:42] >> I had I had an interaction the other [91:44] day, Joe, with a trans a woman to man [91:46] transman who we told this on Legion. [91:48] >> Dude, this story is fantastic. [91:50] >> So, I'll give the quick version of it. [91:52] I'm pulling out of a parking space. [91:53] There's a city bike guy coming by and I [91:55] almost hit him. He falls off his bike [91:57] and he's like, "Yo, what the fuck?" And [91:58] >> this is an urban deer. [92:00] >> I'm a terrible [92:01] I'm a terrible driver. I've talked about [92:03] this a lot. So, I'm like, "All right, [92:04] are you okay?" He's like, "Yeah, dude. [92:05] I'm fine, but watch where you're going." [92:06] I'm like, "All right, cool." So, this [92:08] woman starts screaming from the street [92:09] and she's like, "Stay right there." [92:11] there to me. She's like, "Stay right [92:12] there." And the guy's like, "No, no, no. [92:13] I'm okay. Don't worry, miss." I get out [92:14] of the car. I'm like, "What's going on?" [92:16] And then uh she's like, "You can't go. [92:18] You hit a pedestrian." I was like, "I [92:19] didn't hit him. He's fine." He's like, [92:20] "I got to go." He takes off on his bike. [92:22] So, she starts screaming at me. And at [92:23] this point, I'm going like, "I'll stay [92:25] for this. This is going to be like a fun [92:26] argument. Why not?" So, I start yelling [92:27] back and I'm like, "Fuck you, you dumb [92:29] [ __ ] Mind your business. You Karen." [92:31] She calls the cops, right? So, she's on [92:32] the phones with the cops being like, [92:33] "He's he's threatening me." And now I'm [92:35] like I'm like, "Now I want the cops to [92:37] come." Now, this like a whole thing. The [92:38] whole block is watching. There's like 20 [92:40] people on the block watching. [92:41] >> It's crazy how not Puerto Rican you see [92:43] yourself. [92:45] >> I know. [92:46] >> Let's get the cops here. Let's get the [92:48] cops here. They'll probably They'll [92:49] probably look at me and think that I'm [92:51] going to be the one who's reasonable. [92:53] >> So then uh there's [92:54] >> a mirror. [92:55] >> A mirror. [92:56] >> You [ __ ] get mustache. I'll wait for [92:59] the [ __ ] [93:00] >> So then uh a what I believe is a female [93:04] to male trans. I'll show you I'll show [93:05] you. I think I have my phone. I'll show [93:07] you the picture. It looks like Conor [93:08] McGregor, but he's got a woman's voice. [93:10] Starts screaming out the window. And [93:12] he's like, he's like, "Why are you [93:14] talking to a woman that way? I'll come [93:15] down there and kick your ass." And now [93:17] I'm like, "Come down here and kick my [93:19] ass, motherfucker." I'm yelling at her. [93:20] I'm yelling at him. [93:21] >> So the trans man was saying that they [93:23] were going to kick your ass. [93:24] >> Kick my ass. So then I'm like, I want [93:26] you to come down. I've been waiting for [93:27] this moment. I've been training for this [93:29] day my entire life. [93:30] >> So then uh he goes out. He's like, "Oh [93:33] yeah." And he comes back with a gun like [93:35] this and goes, "Yeah, you want this [93:36] smoke?" And I'm like, "Oh [ __ ] [93:38] >> this East Village, New York City." So [93:40] then I'm like, and but when somebody [93:42] pulls a gun in New York City or flashes [93:43] a gun, I'm assuming it's a a BB gun, a [93:45] replica. Guns in New York are not easy [93:47] to come by, especially like a little [93:48] white trans. Like I'm just like, [93:50] >> I like to say you've been waiting your [93:51] whole life to uh [ __ ] let a woman [93:54] finally become a man so you could punch [93:55] them. [93:57] >> He's like, "Well, I wish there was [93:58] still." He goes, "Oh, can you please let [94:00] me do your wife?" Yo, go get some [94:01] [ __ ] trans surgery. I'm going to [94:02] punch you in the face. [94:03] >> So, the cops come, right? They tell the [94:05] woman. They're like, "What do you [94:06] There's no crime here. The guy left." It [94:08] was like, "No, mind your business." She [94:09] leaves. Then I go to the cops. I was [94:10] like, "Well, you should know this little [94:13] uh man up here. Pulled out a gun." [94:15] >> Now, who's the Karen? [94:16] >> Yeah. So, then now now there's they shut [94:18] down the block. Fire trucks on both [94:20] ends, ambulance, 20 cops on the block. [94:23] >> They're waiting to storm this dude's [94:25] apartment. And I'm sitting there like, [94:26] "This is the greatest moment of my [94:27] life." [94:27] >> How progressive you're being through [94:28] this entire call. I'm calling him a dude [94:31] the whole time. We also don't know for [94:32] sure. [94:33] >> I don't know. It could have been It [94:34] could have been a gay guy with an [94:35] affeminite voice. I'll show you the [94:36] picture in a second or the video. So, [94:38] uh, so then the cops finally come and [94:40] after like 45 minutes, they go into the [94:42] building like they're waiting for [94:43] whatever. And I'm sitting there. I'm I'm [94:44] I'm listening. I'm at the bottom of the [94:46] stairs listening and and the trans dude [94:48] is yelling at the cops and they're [94:49] yelling him and I'm like, "Oh, they're [94:50] going to [ __ ] shoot him. This is the [94:51] greatest day of my life. They're going [94:53] to light him up." I'm waiting for a [94:54] gunfight to happen, right? The cops come [94:56] down 2 minutes later [94:58] >> boiling to this. [94:58] >> And I was like I was like, "Where where [94:59] is he?" And they're like, "It wasn't a [95:01] gun." I was like, "What was it?" They [95:02] were like, "It was a black dildo." He [95:04] had a black dildo with a gun handle that [95:06] he flashed at me through the window. [95:08] >> Which, by the way, a black dildo is more [95:10] scary to a Puerto Rican guy than a gun. [95:11] True. Oh my god. A black dildo with a [95:14] gun handle. [95:14] >> Dude, they shut down the whole city [95:16] block for a black dildo with a gun [95:18] handle. [95:18] >> That's a great episode of like CSI. [95:20] Could you imagine the cops going into [95:22] the apartment, guns drawn, and he's [95:24] like, "Hold on. [95:24] >> Get the [ __ ] off me. A dildo." And you [95:27] see the cops like lower their guns like [95:28] what the [ __ ] I would like to have a [95:31] dildo gun though. [95:32] >> I know. [95:32] >> Like a gun. Like a dildo with a gun [95:34] handle on it. [95:35] >> And when you pull the trigger, the head [95:36] swells. [95:37] >> Yeah. [95:39] >> I mean, it would be a fun thing to have. [95:41] >> You probably wouldn't use it much. [95:43] >> And maybe a lighter on the end of it. [95:44] >> Yep. That would be [95:45] >> Then you would use it a lot more. [95:46] >> That's true. [95:48] >> Both fun and practical. [95:49] >> Oh my god. A little flame comes out of a [95:50] cockhead on the end of my gun. A little [95:52] flag pops out of it. Says bang like a [95:54] cigar lighter flame. Like a torch. Relax [95:58] officers. It's just a [ __ ] lighter gun. [96:01] >> Easy does it. [96:02] >> Holster your guns. Just a regular old [96:04] [ __ ] holster gun. [96:06] >> Someone said you can't uh get in New [96:08] York now just like the rubber fake black [96:11] guns anymore. They won't they won't [96:13] deliver them to New York at all. [96:14] >> No. [96:14] >> So why why are you so insistent on being [96:18] involved in conflict? [96:19] >> No, I'm not. Conflict finds me. [96:22] >> That seems like you [96:23] >> I had conflict at Jay's hotel before I [96:25] came here. [96:26] It just regularly finds me for some [96:28] reason and I it's like a Larry David [96:30] thing like I can't let it go but I'm not [96:31] like a nebishy old Jewish guy so I [96:33] [ __ ] react like a Puerto Rican. [96:34] >> You're a psychotic Puerto Rican. [96:35] >> Yeah. [96:36] >> So I a little a little slight like I I [96:38] kind of like well you know that's and [96:40] then it just turns it starts to snowball [96:42] into like the bigger thing. [96:43] >> Well I understand how it could happen. [96:45] >> Yeah. It's like when you drink and drive [96:47] and crash your car and you're talking to [96:48] the guy. Well it just started with one [96:49] drink that like I get it. I know it [96:51] happens. Just [96:52] >> don't do that. Yeah, [96:53] >> but I I definitely what we share is in [96:55] that thing like I'm the person I have [96:57] I'm learning to try to get better, [96:58] especially as I get older. But like [97:00] >> I'm the idiot like cuts me off in [97:02] traffic and gives the finger. I'm like [97:04] I'm hunting this guy with my heart too. [97:07] >> And my hope is that I get on his ass [97:09] enough that he ends up cartwheeling down [97:10] the [ __ ] and then people are like, [97:11] "Are you out of your [ __ ] mind?" Like [97:14] like [ __ ] that guy. He's in like a [97:15] shitty car thing. Like who cares? And [97:17] I'm like, "No, it's it's justice. We [97:20] have to bring justice to [97:22] >> I had that remember um uh Running Can [97:25] not Running Canyon, Laurel Canyon, how [97:26] you get to the top of Moholland and and [97:28] everyone would try to get into the right [97:30] lane and then cut back over. I literally [97:32] drove I was like drove a guy where I'm [97:34] like I'm not we did chicken all the way. [97:36] I'm like I'm going to drive him into the [97:38] [ __ ] dog park. I will let this happen [97:40] right now rather than let this [ __ ] [97:41] guy cut me off. I want to drive him into [97:43] the [ __ ] dog park. [97:44] >> Road rage is the weirdest thing. I don't [97:45] know what it is. Like you get home when [97:47] you get home you're like, "Thank God I [97:48] didn't get out of a car." are like what [97:49] a [ __ ] idiotic kill someone. It it [97:52] comes from your your body's on a [97:54] heightened sense of awareness because [97:55] you're driving a car really fast. So [97:57] you're aware that you have to make [97:58] split-second moves. Things are moving [98:01] and you're going like this. So you're [98:02] already at seven. That's what it is. So [98:04] anything that HAPPENS LIKE [ __ ] YOU, YOU [98:06] ARE you don't go from zero to [ __ ] you, [98:08] you're already at seven cuz you're in a [98:10] car. Like you don't realize that your [98:11] car you're tense, especially in LA, [98:13] people are driving fast. A lot of people [98:15] are cutting people off. You're always [98:17] thinking. You always have to be alert [98:18] and looking, pay attention because [98:20] you're aware of the consequences. So, [98:21] you're at this heightened state of [98:22] awareness. So, any little slight that [98:24] happens is like you're at war. [98:26] >> That's what it is. [98:27] >> It feels that way, dude. [98:28] >> But you got to realize that like in the [98:30] car and like chill. [98:32] >> Y [98:32] >> it's hard to do. Everybody makes [98:34] mistakes. Everybody Yeah. But just don't [98:36] chase people down your car. [98:37] >> You have to go [ __ ] you. Let out the [98:39] [ __ ] you, but you know, don't chase [98:42] them. It's a great Louis bit where he's [98:43] like somebody all they have to do is [98:45] like slightly go into your lane and [98:46] you're like [ __ ] you [ __ ] you [98:48] get so angry so fast for like the [98:51] slightest little like [98:52] >> So that's where it comes from. [98:53] >> What I've been taking to I'm thinking [98:55] about getting a dry erase board to keep [98:57] in my car cuz all I really want to do is [98:59] I feel like I have the skill to say [99:01] something that's going to ruin their day [99:02] if they just see it real quick. It'll [99:04] just get back whatever you need to get [99:06] back. [99:06] >> The problem is now I got a knee drive [99:08] while I write my clever clip. [99:11] >> Maybe instead of [99:13] You can get like a LED banner on the [99:16] front of your windshield and then you [99:18] can just say it and it'll print it out. [99:21] >> Damn. They're not going to let you print [99:22] out squares. [99:23] >> They wouldn't be able to stop you. [99:25] >> He goes, "Someone's got tech money over [99:26] here." [99:27] >> Yeah. [99:28] >> Well, if you think about it, it's not a [99:29] there's no law that says you can't have [99:31] that, right? No. [99:32] >> Can you have an LED thing that shows [99:34] letters? Why don't I distracting? Maybe [99:36] not. [99:37] >> Well, Steve, you have the middle finger [99:38] thing on your car. [99:38] >> I have the middle finger in my car. So, [99:40] it has five. So, it'll either give like [99:42] a this like, "Thanks, man. You let me [99:44] in." It'll give like a like something [99:46] like a thumbs up and then it'll give the [99:48] [ __ ] bird hit the thing. [99:50] >> Here, using an LED banner or scrolling [99:52] message sign on a car is generally [99:54] illegal while driving on public roads. [99:56] All right. But, you know what? You can [99:58] get you can get a um one of those [100:00] loudspeakers cuz I saw one of those uh [100:03] survival trucks. It's like a bulletproof [100:05] survival truck and it has an alarm like [100:07] like like a siren like a cop siren and [100:10] it also has like a a loudspeaker. [100:12] Attention, attention. [100:14] >> Oh my god. [100:15] >> Leave the road. [100:16] >> That would be great. I hope your mother [100:17] gets AIDS. Carry on. [100:19] >> You could 100% get that installed on [100:21] your car. That would actually be [100:22] hilarious. [100:22] >> Oh, that's a goodie. [100:23] >> But then you could make viral videos of [100:25] you [100:26] >> cursing people out. [100:27] >> Yes. [100:27] >> I love it, [100:28] >> bro. That's actually a good idea. And I [100:29] think let's find out if that's legal. [100:31] Where do you live? Where do you live in [100:32] Jersey? See if that's legal in Jersey. [100:34] >> You got a birthday coming up, big guy. [100:35] >> I hate those air holes. [100:36] >> We'll hook you up. I'll find a guy. I'll [100:38] find a guy. What kind of car are you [100:40] driving these days? [100:41] >> Ram truck. [100:42] >> Oh, perfect. Plenty of room back there. [100:44] Plenty of room. They can get that. Oh, [100:46] 100%. They probably make it already. [100:47] They probably make one for it. Like [100:49] imagine cows out of the road. [100:50] >> You're imagining a much manlier Ram [100:52] truck. Jay's all souped out with like [100:54] like lights and [ __ ] on the bottom and [100:56] strobes. [100:57] >> All Ram trucks are pretty [ __ ] manly. [100:59] >> Yeah, dude. [101:00] >> I love Ram. I've had [101:00] >> There's a Ram on the back, you ask. two [101:02] different TRXs. You ever have a T? You [101:05] ever drive a TRX? It's the most [101:06] ridiculous car you could drive. [101:08] >> Like [ __ ] fast, right? [101:09] >> It's like a 700 horsepower truck that [101:11] you get right from the factory. Okay. [101:13] Sound and boom car laws. Plainly audible [101:16] rule under New Jersey law. Operating a [101:19] vehicle, sound system, or loudspeaker [101:21] that is plainly audible at 50 ft or more [101:23] is illegal. [101:23] >> To be fair, it's more illegal to chase [101:25] somebody and run them off the road. [101:27] >> But here's the cop thing about that. Uh [101:30] using exterior mounted speakers, PAS or [101:33] loud system or loud uh playing sound [101:35] from open doors, boom parties that [101:37] exceeds the distance threshold can [101:39] result in roadside citations. Emergency [101:42] sirens mimicking official emergency [101:44] vehicle sirens or horns with a car [101:46] speaker system is strictly prohibited. [101:48] The thing is like you can still buy [101:49] those trucks. [101:50] >> This is doable. [101:51] >> This is doable. This is all doable. [101:52] >> It's like they have to prove that you [101:54] have that in there. [101:54] >> But also 50 ft is like I don't need that [101:56] much space. I'm going to get next to him [101:58] so make sure he hears it, [101:59] >> right? Yeah, [102:00] >> 50 ft is not that far on the road. [102:01] >> I'm going to go look at my face while I [102:02] put my [102:05] but [102:06] >> I hope you [ __ ] cartwheel home at [102:08] some point and your car flips over and [102:09] you don't have airbags and you're piece [102:10] of [ __ ] [102:11] >> This is weird because horns are plainly [102:13] audible. There's no law that you can't [102:15] just lay on your horn. [102:16] >> Do you ever hear those air horns? You [102:18] can't holding on your horn for an [102:20] extended amount of time. You can get a [102:20] ticket for [102:21] >> I've done that in New York traffic when [102:23] I've been the one that's like agitated [102:25] and late. I've Do you know if you hang [102:27] lay on your horn enough [102:28] >> it turns off. just stops and then it [102:30] won't work again for a while. [102:31] >> You got old You got to get an old car. [102:33] >> Get a car before the government got [102:34] involved. [102:35] >> Yeah. [102:36] >> 1983 Ram. Honking a car horn in New York [102:39] City is illegal unless used as a warning [102:41] of imminent danger. Well, someone needs [102:43] to put all those cab drivers in a jail. [102:46] >> Yeah. [102:46] >> And violator fines ranging from $800 to [102:50] $2,500. Wow. That's crazy. [102:52] >> It's really illegal to give a little zap [102:53] when like someone's not going in front [102:55] of you cuz you see they're on their [102:55] phone. [102:56] >> Give a tap. That's crazy though. Imagine [102:57] you lay on the horn and you get a 250 [103:00] $2,500. [103:02] >> I think a little [ __ ] like it's polite [103:04] beep. Hey, you're not paying attention. [103:05] >> Well, it's important cuz every now and [103:07] then people don't see you and they need [103:08] to know. [103:09] >> Especially there's a whole uh Gerard [103:12] Butler maybe movie or something or no [103:14] Russell Crow movie about that. Like his [103:16] whole anger is the girl behind him [103:18] >> wouldn't apologize for laying on the [103:19] horn. He was like I didn't know the [103:21] light turned green. You could have just [103:22] given like a simple like huh and then [103:25] she was like [ __ ] you. And then the [103:27] movie is just him chasing her and [103:28] murdering her family. [103:29] >> Oh yeah. [103:30] >> A second and a half sounds so [103:32] aggressive. Like just like beep. That's [103:33] cute. You're like, "All right, you got [103:34] to pay attention." But if you're like [103:36] >> just that, you're like, "Fuck you, [103:38] buddy." [103:38] >> Oh, yeah. That's [103:40] >> Solstice. Is that what it's called? [103:41] Unhinged. [103:41] >> Unhinged. Yeah. [103:43] >> Oh, it's pretty good. [103:45] >> I'm sure it's good. Russell Crow is the [103:47] [ __ ] man. [103:48] >> He's like, you just give one of these. I [103:50] do like just like that. And there's no [103:52] reason to do this. [103:54] I had a Tesla and uh the horn wasn't in [103:57] the center. It was a button. It was a [104:00] button on the steering wheel and every [104:02] time something happened, where's the [104:03] button? It was never good. It was never [104:05] It was a terrible idea. [104:06] >> You need to be able to put a little [104:07] something in. [104:08] >> Yeah. Even if you're like it could you [104:09] reach it with your thumb. You could [104:10] reach it with your thumb. But there's [104:11] other [ __ ] there, too. You know, you're [104:13] [ __ ] in a [104:15] >> turn the center. You just slam the [104:17] center. [104:17] >> You turn your windshield wipers on. [104:18] You're like, "Fuck, motherfucker." The [104:20] new ones do it now. It's in the center. [104:22] But you lock in cruise control button. [104:24] God sucker. Yeah, it was terrible. I [104:26] hated it. He did a bunch of [ __ ] that [104:28] supposedly makes them better that I [104:31] think is not good. And one of the things [104:33] they removed the blinker thing. [104:35] >> There's no stalk now. It's buttons. [104:37] >> It's all buttons now. [104:39] >> So I [ __ ] it up all the time. [104:40] >> There's no Even the drive. I have an old [104:42] Model 3. You know, drive and reverse is [104:44] still on the side. Now the new ones are [104:46] just half the screen. Yeah. Well, the [104:48] new one, mine, you swipe you swipe up to [104:51] go forward and swipe back to go [104:52] backwards. It's like [104:53] >> Yeah. It's getting too like [104:55] >> Yeah. How about a thing like a car? [104:57] >> Well, they're video cuz they're video [104:58] gaming it for young people. [104:59] >> Well, I think they're removing [105:01] everything because they're eventually [105:02] going to get to fully automated cars. [105:03] Oh, yeah. And the idea is make [105:05] everything buttons. So, they already [105:06] have this these cyber cabs that are [105:08] traveling around all over Austin. You [105:09] see, [105:11] nobody in them. [105:12] >> Yeah. They never drop you off at the [105:13] right place. Sometimes they don't move. [105:15] You're sitting in there. You're like [105:16] support them. You're yelling at them. [105:18] Yeah. In the [105:18] >> Whimos. Oh, no. No. There's different [105:20] cyber cabs. Like a gold gold. It looks [105:22] like a small It looks like a small cyber [105:24] truck. [105:24] >> It's like weird gold looking [105:28] car. Um and then there's other ones that [105:30] seem to be different colors that have [105:32] cyber cab logos on them. I don't know if [105:34] it is a cyber cab, but the Whimos, I saw [105:36] a Whimo doing a pretty aggressive lane [105:38] entry the other day. I was like, "Huh?" [105:40] >> Like almost cutting someone off. [105:41] >> Yeah. I was like that. Yeah. I just [105:44] assumed that the person next to him was [105:46] going to like stop and just went right [105:48] in front of him. I was like, "Wa, [105:50] >> learn how to drive." [105:51] >> Yeah. [105:51] >> But it was like they're getting a little [105:53] comfortable. [105:54] >> Want to bet this is an Asian or a girl. [105:56] >> I calculated the amount of time it would [105:58] take me to change lanes and it was [105:59] adequate. [106:00] >> The I had a Uber driver last night tell [106:02] me that she's like I told her I took a [106:03] Whimo. She because she's like me don't [106:05] really do that. You know, it was like [106:07] >> you should smell my farts and listen to [106:08] my music. [106:09] >> Exactly. But I was like, she's like, [106:10] it's better than Whimo's better than the [106:12] old company they had. She's like, the [106:14] old there was another company. I can't [106:15] remember what she said, but it was like [106:16] they were going under the assumption [106:18] that that it would learn the car would [106:21] learn from other drivers. [106:23] >> And what it did is it learned horrible [106:25] habits. It was like going through red [106:26] lights. It was going like 50 through a [106:29] school zone and [ __ ] Like it learned [106:31] from actual real people how to [ __ ] [106:33] drive poorly. And they were like, "Oh, [106:35] we got to shut this thing down." Like I [106:37] got into Whimo and it's like if you got [106:39] to get like I have like 20 minutes to [106:40] get to the airport [106:41] >> and Whimo says like 24, you can't be [106:43] like step on it. It's like it's only [106:45] going to go as fast as it's going to go. [106:48] You can't like ask it to go [106:50] >> Yeah. Well, hurry up. [106:51] >> But then the other problem sometimes you [106:52] tell you tell an Uber driver to hurry [106:54] up. Sometimes they're like they pull [106:55] over and they're like get out. You're [106:57] like what? [106:58] >> This happened to me twice now where I've [106:59] been like I'm in a big hurry and the guy [107:01] just literally just pulls over and he [107:02] goes get out. I'm not taking you. And [107:04] then you can't do anything because they [107:06] have all of your information and you [107:07] can't like so you're just like [107:09] >> what did I say like oh really [107:11] >> you have to be a little smoother with it [107:13] I guess. Yeah. [107:13] >> Yeah. I'm kind of in a rush or what? I [107:15] don't know. [107:15] >> Hey I don't you know it's not a [107:17] requirement but it would be nice if we [107:19] can get there a little quicker. [107:21] >> Yeah because [107:22] >> well Uber and Uber Eats I think there's [107:23] just no over no answer or anything. [107:25] That's why they don't couldn't give a [107:26] [ __ ] I feel like especially in the city [107:27] areas they don't give a [ __ ] [107:29] >> Have you done the full self-driving [107:30] thing yet? [107:31] >> Oh all the time. Yeah. All the time. I I [107:33] I brought my car and they gave me a [107:35] rental for a couple days and I literally [107:37] was like, "Well, let's try it." Went [107:39] right to the city. [107:40] >> I ignored it for a long time. I always [107:42] like to drive myself. But then recently, [107:44] over the last like year or so, coming [107:46] home from the club at night, you know, [107:48] having a good time at the club, laughing [107:50] with the boys. I'm like, I don't want to [107:51] pay attention. [107:52] >> I'd rather just make a phone call. So, I [107:54] call like a buddy of mine back home and [107:56] we're talking on the phone and I'm [107:58] literally just sitting down and the car [107:59] is doing everything, stopping at every [108:01] red light. have. It's fully automated [108:02] now. Dude, you don't have to anything [108:04] fully. [108:05] >> This must be a question that's already [108:07] asked probably a thousand times, but [108:08] like are you able to like drink [108:10] >> then? No. [108:11] >> No. It's got a camera in it. So, [108:12] >> no, no, no. And if you're drunk, [108:14] >> I mean, I don't mean drink like in it. [108:16] I'm saying are you able to drink? [108:17] >> That's what I was going to say. No. If [108:19] you're drunk and you get in your Tesla [108:20] and you say, "Oh, officer, I wasn't even [108:22] driving. The car is driving." Uh-uh. [108:24] >> But you could be drunk in the back seat [108:27] of a cyber cab. [108:28] >> Yeah. But I have converted your car to [108:30] being a cyber cab and you just I think [108:33] they should have a mode where you're [108:34] allowed to get in the back seat drunk [108:36] and have your car drive you home if it's [108:37] fully automated. [108:37] >> Dude, they're talking about the the full [108:40] self-driving thing to giving it to blind [108:42] people. [108:42] >> And I'm like I swear to God, think about [108:45] it. You put a blind person behind there. [108:46] There's someone there, but they can't [108:47] see. What's the difference between being [108:49] drunk and being a blind person driving a [108:51] car? Would you rather drive with a drunk [108:52] person or a blind person? [108:53] >> Drunk person. But also like you're [108:55] relying on that blind person to use text [108:58] to speech or speech to text to talk to [109:01] the navigation system to tell them where [109:03] to go. [109:04] >> And what if it translates it incorrectly [109:06] because it does with me all the time? [109:07] >> Yeah. You don't know where [109:08] >> all the time. And with Apple with the [109:10] [ __ ] Apple Maps. It does it when I [109:13] use Siri. It does it with the Tesla. If [109:16] I say something and it doesn't [109:17] understand me, it'll show me a bunch of [109:19] wrong options. So what does the blind [109:21] person do? [109:22] >> I don't know. But they were literally [109:23] talking about like this is going to be [109:26] the future for people just pimping [109:28] >> driving around getting place you press [109:31] summon. So say if you're at a parking [109:33] lot and you say come to me the car will [109:36] pull out of the lot and drive over to [109:38] where you are. Like say if you got [109:40] you're at the supermarket, you got a [109:41] bunch of bags to put in your trunk, [109:42] it'll just pull up to where you are. [109:44] >> It's pouring out. [109:45] >> You couldn't do it you couldn't do that [109:46] at like a gated like it has to wait to [109:49] run the plate thing or something. [109:50] >> You can't do it at the airport. Like you [109:51] can't be like you're on level four and [109:53] like you get out a baggage claim you're [109:55] like come get my car will come down. It [109:56] has to be within like I think a distance [109:58] >> but that's only a matter of time. I mean [110:00] within 5 10 years it's going to be [110:01] there's not going to be any Uber [110:02] drivers. It's going to be all automated [110:03] taxis. That's that's happening. [110:05] >> First got a Tesla was like 2017ish maybe [110:09] 18. And that one didn't do any of these [110:11] things. That one did self-driving but [110:13] you had to stop for stop signs. You had [110:15] to stop for stop lightss. But like we [110:17] were on Laurel Canyon. I was driving [110:19] with my wife and I just had my hands off [110:20] the wheel. I was like, "Look at this. [110:21] This is crazy." And it's just keeping us [110:23] in the lane, driving everywhere you want [110:25] to go. And it stays in the lane. It's [110:26] really It was a little shaky back then. [110:28] >> I don't even do that still. I have the [110:29] thing that's like if I if I'm I turn [110:31] that off all it's like Yeah. It's like [110:33] if you get out of the lane, it goes like [110:36] >> But the new self-driving's got five [110:37] modes. It could be like you could be [110:39] snail mode, like slow mode, normal, [110:43] fast, and then like get me the [ __ ] [110:44] there or something like that. And Yeah. [110:46] And I didn't put it on. Have you ever [110:47] [ __ ] with any of the modes? [110:48] >> No, I just have it drive. Yeah, because [110:50] it's like [110:51] >> I'm not in a rush. [110:51] >> I want to see what it like does it like [110:53] start speeding and going around people [110:55] and driving. [110:56] >> It's [ __ ] really good. Like it's [110:58] really good. Like it it changes lanes if [111:00] the cars in front of you going slow. [111:02] >> Yep. [111:02] >> Are you comfortable to not look at all [111:03] and just be in your phone? [111:04] >> No. I look I'm still weirded out by it. [111:06] >> What are you looking at? The wheel or [111:07] you looking at the screen or you looking [111:08] at the car? Yeah. Outside. [111:10] >> Well, I usually do it when I want to [111:11] make a phone call. So, I'll make a phone [111:12] call and I'll just be talking to a [111:14] friend and I'll just be looking around. [111:16] It's like you're having a conversation [111:17] while you're getting a ride somewhere. [111:18] It doesn't feel like you're driving. [111:20] Even though you're kind of s sort of [111:21] paying attention just in case. Just in [111:23] case. I keep my hands there, but it I'm [111:26] fully comfortable with it. [111:27] >> The one Whimo in Austin, remember they [111:29] shut Whimo down for like a couple months [111:30] in Austin. It was like they were like, [111:31] "These aren't ready." Cuz there was a [111:33] shootout in downtown Austin and the [111:34] Whimo just pulled up right in the middle [111:36] of it between the cops and the people [111:37] shooting [111:38] >> and blocked everything. [111:39] >> Yeah. And also like too many of them get [111:41] to an intersection, no one knows what to [111:43] do. [111:43] >> Like four Whimos get to a They don't [111:45] >> Yeah. Well, if it's nothing but Whimos, [111:47] like there's 20 Whimos in one [111:48] intersection, what the [ __ ] happens? The [111:51] craziest thing that happened with San [111:52] Francisco. So, Whimos operate on LAR, [111:54] whereas Teslas operate on cameras. So, [111:57] the problem with LAR, when the grid goes [111:59] down, so does a car. [112:01] >> Oh. [112:02] >> So, [ __ ] the car stalled out and then [112:04] Elon was like on Twitter going, I told [112:06] you so. [112:07] >> But this is why I don't use it. [112:09] >> Really [112:09] >> stupid. [112:10] >> What's the grid? I don't know. [112:11] >> The power Oh, right. [112:13] >> Power outages. Oh, [112:14] >> so if there's a power outage that's [112:16] controlling these cars, [112:17] >> they just stop. [112:18] >> I I'm pretty sure they just stop. Maybe [112:20] they pull over and they stop. I don't [112:22] know if they stop right in the middle of [112:23] the internet. [112:24] >> It's like a hacker's dream, dude. [112:25] >> Well, there's a lot of hackers dreams [112:27] out there with all these [112:28] >> shutting down all once it all becomes [112:30] we're all reliant on Whimo. [112:32] >> So, in Korea, a bunch of people got [112:33] arrested recently in South Korea because [112:36] they had hacked into their Teslas and [112:37] they had enabled full self-driving, [112:40] which is a subscription thing. Usually [112:42] you have to pay for it. So these guys [112:44] figured out a way. I mean probably [112:46] coders like why would I pay? [ __ ] you. [112:48] And they went in and jailbroke the whole [112:50] Tesla system and put in self-driving and [112:52] they got arrested. [112:53] >> Damn. I mean [112:56] >> it's interesting, right? [112:57] >> It's good that they could do it. [112:59] >> Yeah, it's kind of interesting. [113:00] >> I don't even set up my Roomba. I'm [113:01] afraid of the all that stuff. It's like [113:04] I don't use Alexa in my house or any of [113:06] that [ __ ] where people are like you have [113:07] Alexa turn the lights on and stuff like [113:09] [ __ ] Alexa. But it's weird. It's like, [113:11] am I buying this thing and this thing is [113:14] capable of doing that? And then you want [113:16] me to pay money so the thing can do what [113:18] it already can do. It seems like you're [113:19] just taking money from me. [113:21] >> It seems like that's in the thing. Why [113:23] don't you just sell the thing that does [113:25] the thing? Why do I have to pay a [113:26] subscription to make it do what it can [113:28] do? [113:28] >> I don't think it was a subscription. [113:30] It's the the they're not illegal. [113:32] They're not legal in Korea. [113:33] >> Oh, [113:34] >> full self-driving isn't legal there. Oh, [113:36] only US-built models sold in South Korea [113:39] like Model S, X, and Cybertruck that [113:41] have full self-driving that that's [113:43] legally passed Korea safety regulations, [113:45] the outlet said. And since Korea also [113:47] gets Chinese-built Model Y's and 3es, [113:50] most Tesla drivers in the country can't [113:52] access the feature through traditional [113:54] means. That's interesting. [113:57] >> But still, same point though. They they [113:59] bought the car, they should be able to [114:00] do what they want with it, right? [114:02] >> Right. you should be. Well, I guess [114:03] they're violating the law where you [114:05] can't have a car drive itself. That's a [114:07] different law they're violating than [114:09] just breaking the subscription model. [114:10] But if you did that in America, I wonder [114:13] I just I'm not a fan of subscriptions. [114:16] There's like there's there's certain car [114:18] manufacturers that make you charge [114:20] charge you a subscriptions that you [114:21] could use Apple CarPlay. [114:23] >> Yeah, I have to pay for an Audi [114:25] subscription to [114:27] >> crazy [114:27] >> to use the internet and the Audi and [114:29] other things as a monthly fee. It's a [114:31] [ __ ] USBC cable. You plug it into [114:33] your car and it just immediately starts [114:35] working. You want me to pay for that [114:36] every month? That's crazy because you [114:39] can get an aftermarket one like I have [114:41] muscle cars that have Apple CarPlay. [114:43] Like a 684 that has Apple CarPlay. Like [114:46] how come I have to pay every month to [114:48] use this? You're just stealing money. [114:51] >> Oh yeah. [114:52] >> Sucking money out of my car. [114:53] >> It's almost like isn't OnStar a thing [114:55] like that? You have to like pay to have [114:56] OnStar, but like shouldn't there just be [114:57] like an emergency button in your car? [114:59] >> Yeah. Well, OnStar, I think the idea is [115:01] you're paying because there's a bunch of [115:03] people that are there that are working. [115:04] So, you're paying for a service. [115:06] >> It's like not just the car. It's like [115:07] you're paying for infrastructure. [115:09] >> Yeah. Yeah. But but the technology in [115:12] the Tesla is already built in. It's [115:13] whether or not you're just turning on or [115:15] off, you know? Exactly. Tesla suck [115:17] though. Like if you have like a busted [115:18] tire though, you can't go to like, you [115:20] know, some guy named Gus. [115:21] >> No. Tires are the same tires. Same [115:23] tires. [115:24] >> Come out and like take it to go through [115:25] tires faster than But I've had my [115:27] Tesla's got 106,000 miles. I've never [115:29] put brakes on it. I never No oil [115:32] changes, no nothing. [115:33] >> The beautiful thing about them is the [115:34] the when you let off the gas, it [115:36] >> regenative brakes. So that's how it [115:38] stops. [115:38] >> You I barely touch the brake on my [115:40] Tesla. I know now like how much distance [115:43] I need when I see a red light ahead. I [115:45] just let off the gas and just [115:46] >> slows down to a stop. [115:47] >> Slows down and it's regenerating the [115:49] battery while it's doing that a little [115:50] bit. [115:51] >> Yeah. [115:51] >> You know, they the battery life [115:52] depending upon how you drive. I mean, [115:54] it's not the best. [115:55] >> Have you driven into a BYD? I was in [115:57] France and they were all over the place. [115:58] They had no Teslas, but they're the [116:00] Chinese. Uh, [116:01] >> those are incredible. [116:02] >> Insane. [116:02] >> They're incredible. [116:03] >> Insane. Like more comfortable than the [116:06] like [116:06] >> They have crazy ones now. They They have [116:08] a new supercar over there that's It's [116:10] like faster than anything you can buy in [116:12] America. They're doing nutty [ __ ] [116:14] >> Why can't you buy BYD's here? Is it [116:17] China? You can't. [116:17] >> Good question. Yeah, [116:18] >> it's a good question. [116:19] >> I'm an analog guy. [116:21] >> I like my car as two pedals. [116:23] >> I know. My wife hates all this [ __ ] She [116:25] She won't even drive my car. She won't [116:27] even and I've had it for eight years. [116:28] They work great. She hates it. The thing [116:30] is they work great. They're super [116:32] [ __ ] reliable and they're really [116:34] fast. They they like I have the Model S [116:37] Plaid and when I'm at a red light, it [116:39] just goes like if I want light turns [116:40] green, goes [116:42] >> you're just gone. No sound, no noise. 0 [116:44] to 60 in 1.6 seconds. You're just gone. [116:49] >> And meanwhile, it [ __ ] handles. It's [116:51] awesome. It's incredible. [116:53] >> But it's also it's just quiet. The [116:55] charging thing is what gets me. I was [116:57] going to rent one one time and then I [116:58] was they were about to hand me the keys [116:59] and I was like, "Wait a minute. I don't [117:00] have to find a charger for this." [117:03] >> One is a problem. But the thing is, if [117:05] it's at your house, you just pull into [117:07] your house and you just plug it in at [117:08] night. It's [ __ ] easy. [117:10] >> Mine goes to 7:00 a.m. It say like you [117:13] just It's like a clock set. [117:14] >> And you drive to the city and back home. [117:16] >> I have two I mean the mileage is I when [117:19] I first got mine it was 310 was the the [117:21] maximum. Now every year it goes down [117:23] like 10 miles an hour. So now I'm like [117:24] 250. [117:25] >> It's like your battery in your phone. [117:27] After a year or two it gets worn out, [117:29] >> becomes less. [117:29] >> Same kind of thing. But you could get [117:31] the batteries replaced. [117:32] >> Yeah. [117:32] >> I'm sure they have like portable like an [117:33] extra battery that like is uh Have you [117:36] seen the ones now? You can like buy a [117:39] solar panel thing that you can bring on [117:41] a road trip, right? So you go to go hike [117:43] in a mountain for a little bit. You want [117:44] to charge your car. You roll it out onto [117:46] the roof of your car and you just plug [117:48] it into the charger and the sun will [117:49] charge your car while you're [117:51] >> probably a little [117:52] >> a little bit. It's not like a [117:53] supercharger, but you can get a couple [117:55] miles back, you know, probably 10 miles [117:56] an hour or something like that. [117:59] >> No, I'm just [118:00] >> Well, so what are you hiking in [118:01] mountains? [118:02] >> But I'm saying, you know, Tesla. Yeah, [118:04] >> that's true. [118:06] >> That's what the commercial did. They [118:08] were like in the mountain. They're like, [118:09] I'm going on a hike or something. [118:10] >> It's like the herpes commercials where [118:11] people are kayaking like [118:12] >> they looked great and fit. That's not [118:14] >> I know the Cyber Truck's very [118:15] polarizing, but that [ __ ] thing's [118:16] incredible. [118:17] >> Yeah, [118:17] >> it's incredible. [118:18] >> Yeah. You know what's not incredible [118:19] for? I saw a person hauling furniture in [118:21] the back of it and got on the highway [118:23] and all of that furniture proceeded to [118:25] fly off. [118:26] >> Well, that person's an idiot. They [118:27] didn't tie their furniture down. That [118:29] could have happened in a [ __ ] Tacoma. [118:30] >> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. It was so dumb, [118:32] >> dude. In Los Angeles, we went to the [118:33] Tesla diner. We're like, "Oh, this is [118:34] kind of cool. Tesla diner." First of [118:36] all, the menu stinks. But then the cool [118:38] part, they had like 10, it's a diner. [118:40] There's like 10 items on the menu. It's [118:41] [ __ ] insane. So, the cool part is [118:43] they have two gigantic movie screens. [118:45] Like, she could like pull up and they [118:47] have different movies playing. Um, and [118:49] you can just pull in and watch a movie [118:50] in your car while you eat. But they only [118:52] allow you to watch a movie in your car [118:54] if you have a Tesla. So, it's like the [118:56] coolest part of the entire experience. [118:58] You have to have a Tesla for [118:59] >> Interesting. Yeah. [119:00] >> Well, that makes sense, though. I mean, [119:02] why would you why would they allow their [119:03] competitors to pull into the Tesla [119:05] diner? [119:05] >> They let me buy a goddamn cheeseburger. [119:08] >> Cheeseburger? Yeah. Well, I didn't have [119:10] a I walked right in. [119:10] >> How was the cheeseburger? [119:12] >> Terrible. [119:12] >> Really? [119:12] >> It wasn't good. It was not a good diner. [119:14] >> The guy's not building cheeseburgers, [119:16] you It's like let him do what he wants [119:17] to do. [119:18] >> You need a cheeseburger to land itself. [119:20] >> But it seems like if you can make a [119:22] rocket get caught by a robot arm [119:25] >> Yeah. you should be able to figure out a [119:26] good cheeseburger [ __ ] cheeseburger. [119:28] This is [119:28] >> self eating cheeseburger. [119:29] >> This is not rocket science. Literally. [119:32] >> True. [119:33] >> It's a [ __ ] cheeseburger. [119:35] You ever see the kids working at [119:36] In-N-Out? [119:37] >> Yeah. They're normal people. [119:38] >> It's the one thing Mus can't figure out. [119:40] >> The burger. It's always eluded me. [119:43] >> It's too complicated. It's impossible. [119:46] Can't be done. [119:47] >> I mean, there's a lot of people that can [119:49] make a good burger, farm it out to them. [119:50] But I I would imagine if you're going to [119:52] be Tesla, you should put your name on a [119:54] solid [ __ ] burger. [119:55] >> Solid burger. [119:55] >> Space is a little upy about food, [119:58] though. [119:58] >> I'm a snob. I have the best burger in [119:59] the world. San Sebastian. Bardi. [120:02] >> What is that? Where's it? [120:03] >> A place in San Sebastian, Spain called [120:04] Bardi. And the [120:06] >> Spain. You're a traveler. [120:08] >> I love I go I I travel all the time. So [120:10] I spend my money on. And I brought my [120:11] son on a father-son trip there. [120:13] >> Low age of consent. Don't we ate uh we [120:16] went to this we went to San Sebastian [120:18] where it's like a huge eating culture. [120:19] All of these like uh more Michelin star [120:22] restaurants per square meter than [120:23] anywhere else in the world [120:24] >> really. [120:25] >> And uh this one spot called Bar Desi. [120:27] They Yeah. They specialize just it's [120:29] literally meat like melted like almost [120:31] like a cream cheese and a bun. [120:33] >> It's Dude, it's like raw. It's barely [120:35] cooked. I took the last bite of this [120:38] burger and I got emotional. Like I had [120:40] taken like ecstasy. I was like, it was [120:42] the best thing I've ever eaten in my [120:43] entire life. [120:43] >> You gotta take ecstasy again. [120:44] >> What's the place called again? [120:45] >> Bardi. [120:46] >> Bardi. [120:47] >> Yeah. Best Sebastian. [120:48] >> There's something about when you're [120:49] going for like a thing you wouldn't eat [120:52] all the time, like not a very like hoham [120:54] like thing like a burger or something. I [120:56] watch a guy uh on Instagram that says [120:59] stuff. He was he was getting like, you [121:01] know, the fifth best burger in the world [121:03] in some place overseas that he flew for [121:05] and he goes when he ate it, he was like, [121:06] "It's really good. It's a great burger, [121:09] but I think with burgers, you're just [121:11] going to find you can only do if you use [121:13] good ingredients, you can just only do [121:14] so much that's going to make it taste [121:16] like it's going to be, you know what I [121:18] mean? A great burger in America is not [121:21] much less good than that great burger [121:23] right now for nothing like that burger. [121:26] Not even close. And I'm I love a good [121:28] burger. That burger was [ __ ] crazy. [121:30] I'm going to go back in the next couple [121:31] years just for the burger. [121:32] >> Is it the meat they're using? [121:34] >> It's the meat. So that's the whole thing [121:35] is like they're like they spent two [121:36] years developing like their meat blend [121:38] fat to meat and like what what they use [121:41] and uh yeah [121:43] >> the secret ingredient elk. [121:45] >> Oh, okay. So [121:46] >> be right back after these words. [121:47] >> It's from the older cows. That's one of [121:48] the things they do in Spain. Um they [121:51] they like to cook older cows like they [121:54] you can get that at Bizaarre Meat. Jose [121:56] Andre, you know, he's Spanish. He's [121:59] amazing. And his uh place they they'll [122:02] sell those. They sell these older cows [122:04] and it does taste different. It's really [122:06] good. It's very very beefy. [122:08] >> Do you have to age the meat then too or [122:10] is the [122:10] >> Yeah, they age them as well, but they [122:12] it's also an old cow. Instead of like if [122:14] you buy like a ribeye steak from a [122:16] supermarket, it's probably a cow that's [122:17] only like a year and a half old or [122:19] something like that. And then they [122:19] killed it and they chopped it up into [122:21] meat. They get them big as quickly as [122:22] possible. They chop them up. When you go [122:24] to some of these like classic Spanish [122:27] steakous, there's some amazing Spanish [122:29] steakous that I've watched videos on on [122:31] Instagram. And the way these guys are [122:34] cooking, they're cooking over like live [122:36] coals and they just put salt all over [122:38] the steak and the steak has fat that's [122:40] like a dark yellow like because they're [122:43] just eating nothing but grass. They [122:45] they're never eating corn and they're [122:47] laying these these steaks down. They're [122:49] sizzling and you see these people eat [122:51] them, they're like, "What the fuck?" [122:53] >> Yeah. marbleization. [122:54] >> I think the best steakhouse in the world [122:56] is in Spain. I think like the number one [122:58] rated steakhouse on earth is in Spain. [123:00] I'm pretty sure. Yeah, [123:02] >> I think Ari and Bobby Kelly went to uh [123:04] what's considered the best, you know, [123:06] restaurant in the world somewhere in [123:08] >> Spain. [123:09] >> No, maybe they do this. They do a list [123:11] every year like the best restaurants. [123:13] It's Spain in the past like 20 years, 10 [123:16] of the years have been restaurants in [123:17] Spain. They're they're very big into [123:19] food culture. [123:19] >> It's like that movie. It's like the [123:21] menu. Do you want to do something like [123:21] that, Louis? like the menu thing where [123:23] you go to a place and they're like, [123:24] "You're eating this." [123:25] >> I do that every time, dude. I do that. [123:26] We do. When we me and my son went, we [123:28] went to three different Michelin star [123:29] restaurants. We got the uh [123:32] >> tourists delight. [123:33] >> That's it. Jamie, go back. [123:34] >> Go back. But I'll tell you exactly the [123:36] one. Would you go back to that? Scroll [123:38] up so I could see what it said. No, no, [123:40] no. Yeah, that's Castle Julian. [123:43] that that place is like when you watch [123:45] these guys cooking and it's it's [123:47] generally these guys that have been in [123:49] these [ __ ] places for decades [123:51] >> and they worked under some famous chef [123:53] and they worked in his kitchen for 20 [123:54] years [123:55] >> in the you just watch it you get [ __ ] [123:58] starving. [123:58] >> Yeah, dude. [123:59] >> It's incredible. [124:01] >> Yeah, the preset menu if you go to like [124:03] a really nice I went to the other day I [124:04] went to Hesta here they have a tasting [124:06] menu that's incredible. [124:07] >> Like look at the Oh, Hesta is great. So, [124:09] but look at the fat. See how yellow the [124:11] fat is? Yeah, [124:12] >> it's crazy, right? Like that fat is all [124:15] just grass and they just put nothing but [124:18] salt on it and they serve it rare. Like [124:21] you get your steak rare. [124:23] >> It's just seared on the outside and [124:25] rare. And [124:25] >> that's exactly how I love it. [124:27] >> [ __ ] fantastic. [124:28] >> So good. [124:29] >> It's so good. [124:30] >> Do they have a burger? [124:31] >> I bet they do. [124:32] >> Sure. [124:32] >> I bet they do. [124:33] >> Do they have a kids menu? [124:35] >> Chicken fingers. [124:36] >> Yeah. Too much fat for me. [124:38] >> No. My kids destroy meat. If I can only [124:41] eat one thing for the rest of my life, [124:43] 100% it's rib eyes. [124:44] >> You say elk. Elk. [124:45] >> No, I probably have ribe eyes. Yeah. [124:47] Because I You need If you only had one [124:49] thing, you need fat. And the problem [124:50] with elk meat, which I love, is that you [124:52] have to have fat with it. Like I usually [124:54] eat it with bacon. I usually eat it with [124:56] avocados. I eat it with other things [124:58] because it's just pure protein. It's a [125:01] much more dense animal, a much more [125:04] dense protein. But like if you had only [125:06] one thing forever, it would 100%. It'd [125:09] be ribe eyes. [125:11] >> You get fat, you get protein. I don't [125:13] think you need anything else. Take your [125:15] vitamins. [125:17] >> I go cheese. [125:18] >> I go cheese steak. [125:20] >> Hogy. [125:21] >> I think healthy. I could eat sushi. I [125:22] could eat sushi for the rest of my life [125:24] and be happy. Like just raw fishury, but [125:26] too much mercury. [125:27] >> Mercury. Yeah. You're not supposed to [125:29] eat sushi every day. [125:30] >> Do you ever [125:31] >> especially tuna? [125:31] >> Do you have has your mind gone [125:33] completely? There's no interest. Like a [125:34] splurge for you would never be like a [125:35] McDonald's one night. [125:36] >> Yeah, I'll have McDonald's. [125:38] >> Yeah, I love uh I love those fillet of [125:40] fishes. Sometimes if I'm hammered bun [125:42] we're somewhere in some town and there's [125:45] nothing open like after a show there's [125:46] nothing open like let's go to the [125:47] [ __ ] McDonald's. [125:48] >> Some of the McDonald's will [ __ ] you [125:49] after midnight and not give me a fish [125:51] fillet. [125:52] >> Burn it down. Burn it down. [125:54] >> Fish fillet. You You're under no [125:56] illusion that there's anything healthy [125:58] about anything that you're eating. [125:59] You're eating a deep fried chunk of [126:02] supposedly fish, [126:03] >> North Atlantic cod, [126:04] >> whatever the [ __ ] it is. It's pieces [126:06] that they glued together. [126:08] >> Tripley had that fake great joke. He was [126:09] like, "The the play of fish is a [126:12] dollar." He's like, "You can't even buy [126:13] a fish for a dollar. You go to a pet [126:15] store." He's like, "A goldfish is $3 or [126:17] something like that." [126:19] >> Dollar. Is it really a dollar? Something [126:20] like that. [126:21] >> Yeah. No, it's probably six bucks now. [126:24] I'm just never wasting if I'm eating a [126:26] burger, I'm never wasting it on like [126:28] McDonald's or like Wendy's. Like if I'm [126:30] going to get a burger, I'm going to get [126:31] a good burger, you know? [126:32] >> Yeah. No, I agree. I mean, if I am, but [126:35] if the only thing that's open is [126:36] McDonald's, I'll say I'll get a quarter [126:38] pounder. [ __ ] it. [126:39] >> Yeah. [126:39] >> Big Mac is worse. [126:40] >> I had a quarter pounder once for the [126:42] first time in years, like a couple years [126:44] ago, and I haven't had one since. But I [126:45] was It was sweet. [126:47] >> I was like, the there's sugar in this [126:48] bun. The bread. Yeah. [126:49] >> Yeah. Like I taste sugar. Like it [126:51] doesn't taste just like regular bread. I [126:52] was like, "This is weird." Yeah. [126:53] McDonald's everything has like a film on [126:55] it. Like the burger tastes the same as [126:57] the fries in a weird way. You drink the [126:58] soda, you're like that kind of tastes [126:59] like the burger. [127:00] >> It was good. [127:01] >> Yeah. Did you say the thing though? You [127:03] ever see the experiments where you leave [127:04] it out and nothing changed about? And [127:05] they always show it and they go, "No, a [127:07] lot of changed. [127:08] >> A lot about they they have the one [127:09] country where they banned McDonald's. It [127:11] was somewhere in Europe and they have it [127:13] like on display in like almost like a [127:14] museum. They were like the last burger [127:16] or the last McDonald's burger that was [127:18] sold. [127:18] >> It still doesn't rot. [127:19] >> It's been like 20 years and it looks the [127:20] exact same." Well, that's why we're all [127:22] [ __ ] up in America. It's the [127:23] preservatives. Like, [127:24] >> do you ever I mean, the commercials, do [127:26] you ever do a commercial? I did a [127:27] McDonald's commercial and like the b [127:29] they have a chef that comes and makes [127:31] the burger. So, it's like the best [127:34] version of a McDonald's burger ever that [127:36] you're using to, you know, that's what [127:38] you're eating on the day, but nothing [127:40] ever looks like that. Like, they have [127:41] someone specifically come to make that [127:43] burger. [127:44] >> It's like an actress's head shot. [127:46] >> Yeah. They're like, it's not real. [127:47] >> That's not That's not what you're going [127:48] to get in the show for the audition. At [127:50] this point, if you get McDonald's, [127:51] though, when it's hot, it's piping hot, [127:53] you go. This is a good McDonald's. [127:54] That's all it takes anymore. If it's [127:56] just hot, you're happy. [127:57] >> Well, you want to go when they're busy [127:59] >> because they're turning over a lot. [128:00] >> Yeah. [128:00] >> You don't have something just sitting [128:01] under a [128:02] >> You say it's always like a late night, [128:03] there's nothing else thing, [128:04] >> right? That's a problem. But like if you [128:07] want a late night, I think Wendy's is [128:08] the move. Wendy's is probably the best [128:11] burger. Like, as far as like fast food [128:13] reliable burger, Wendy's is pretty [128:15] [ __ ] You know, we decided years ago [128:16] we uh we did a early Legion of Skanks [128:19] episode where we it was talking about [128:21] those girls, those poor girls in uh [128:24] Cleveland. Do you remember that the girl [128:25] escaped and got out ran to the neighbor [128:27] and they were being held by that guy [128:29] >> in like the attic and they were getting [128:30] pregnant for [128:31] >> No, they were in the basement. [128:32] >> I think it was both they were I think [128:33] they were different places multiple [128:35] girls [128:36] >> and he'd get them pregnant and some of [128:37] them had babies. He would kick them [128:39] until they had miscarriages and it was [128:41] to and they and they caught him. The [128:43] girls got out. They caught him. and he [128:44] killed himself in jail. One of the facts [128:47] of the story was [128:49] um every day he fed them McDonald's. [128:52] There's McDonald's across the street and [128:53] every day he fed them McDonald's. And we [128:56] were saying if you had to live that [128:57] nightmare, but you can choose the fast [128:59] food that you would eat every day, what [129:01] would it be? Wendy's was the clear [129:04] winner. [129:04] >> Well, the the episode was called Subway [129:06] Counts because we figured out that [129:08] Subway counts as fast food. It was an R [129:10] Shafir episode. But it's not just what [129:12] type of fast food would you have every [129:13] day. The the question really was if you [129:15] were being raped by a guy who kidnapped [129:17] you, what fast food would you want every [129:19] chain to a radiator? But your one [129:21] pleasure a day you go it's like at least [129:23] I'm getting the fast food I want. [129:25] >> Yeah. [129:25] >> Uh and Wendy's Wendy's is Well, now cuz [129:28] there's not enough stuff. [129:30] >> Wendy's has Wendy has salad. They got [129:32] baked potatoes. Wendy's doesn't have [129:34] breakfast. [129:34] >> You're an animal. If you're eating a [129:36] salad at Wendy's and pretending you're [129:37] healthy. [129:38] >> No, but no one's saying you're healthy. [129:39] You're pretending you're you're trying. [129:42] You're in your scenario, [129:44] >> you're chained to a radiator. [129:46] >> I I don't know that it's a good time for [129:47] me to piss. Hold down the fort, fellas. [129:49] >> All right, boys. [129:50] >> Anybody else want to go? [129:51] >> Let's take it over. [129:52] >> Um, [129:53] >> yeah. No, for me it's [129:55] >> For me, it's Burger King. [129:56] >> Burger King has got a great breakfast. [129:58] The croissant witch is an incredible the [129:59] the original croissant. The first people [130:01] to ever put breakfast on a croissant was [130:03] Burger or King. Burger King. They got a [130:06] great The chicken sandwich, the [130:07] rectangular chicken sandwich. [130:09] Incredible. Apolog unapologetically will [130:11] put the Whopper against that stupid [130:12] Spain burger you had. [130:14] >> I love a Whopper, dude. [130:15] >> That's actually crazy. [130:16] >> Oh, is it? Now, [130:16] >> you don't really believe that. This is [130:18] the thing. Sometimes, Jay, you say [130:19] things and I'm like, you don't actually [130:20] believe that? So, what are we doing? [130:21] >> But you know what though, dude? You [130:23] appreciate it. He just might be like, I [130:25] I like a burger. Yeah, burgers taste [130:28] like burgers. [130:28] >> This burger, guys, I [ __ ] you not. Like, [130:31] you know when like you go to breathe and [130:32] you kind of like do the lip quiver like [130:34] like I did that when I ate the last [130:36] bite. I was emotional. And then I walked [130:38] over to a place. I got some Basque [130:39] cheese. [130:40] >> You have a lot of unresolved [ __ ] you [130:41] got to work out with a doctor. Man, [130:44] >> it's got nothing to do with that burger. [130:45] It's something to do with like loss and [130:47] tragedy or something. [130:48] >> This burger represents something to you, [130:49] Louis. That's the thing you're missing. [130:51] >> Why you wish you could have shared this [130:52] with your father? It's like that kind of [130:53] thing. Like my dad never took me for a [130:55] Spanish burger. [130:56] >> Yeah. Wow. [130:57] >> Yeah. It's that it's emotions that [130:58] aren't It's nothing to do. You're out of [131:00] control. [131:00] >> Maybe. [131:01] >> Well, guys, [131:02] >> definitely. [131:03] >> Go watch Legit of Skanks. While while [131:05] Joe's done, go watch Legit Skanks. Skank [131:07] Fest happen. [131:08] >> Three for Life. Skankfest happening. [131:10] Single day passes. Get them now. [131:12] >> R Shafir returning this year. Mark [131:13] Normand. Uh [ __ ] Jim Noron. [131:17] >> Just Christina P. Tim Dylan isn't [131:19] officially booked. He shows up every [131:20] year. [131:21] >> Eric Andre for the first time. [131:23] >> Oh, nice. [131:24] >> So then I said, "Dude, I don't want to [131:25] suck your dick. How about that?" [131:27] >> Did you see that? Speaking of Eric [131:28] Andre, did you see the him and [ __ ] [131:30] Hank? Uh [131:31] >> yeah. What was that about? [131:34] >> Was that a fist fight? [131:35] >> I thought they No. a fist fight. No, [131:37] they got like separated. But like it's [131:38] funny like er I can't tell if Eric's [131:41] nervous about it or not for real because [131:43] >> Ched Hanks did go get in his face [131:46] >> and it was like they just don't like I [131:47] guess I guess Eric Andre like you know [131:49] he's like the crazy guy who does the [131:51] stuff but Chad Hanks came on his show as [131:52] one of the few celebrities knowing what [131:54] he was going into [131:55] >> and so he [ __ ] [ __ ] with the show [131:57] back and I think Eric Andre didn't like [131:58] that. [131:59] >> Oh really? [131:59] >> I think and it's like so they just kind [132:01] of had like a beef going on but he [132:03] cornered him in some comic or something [132:04] you know. [132:05] >> Yeah. He was claiming that uh Eric said [132:07] something about him, right? [132:09] >> He did. I think he calls him, you know, [132:10] I think just going to discredit him. I [132:12] say was the shittiest guest or something [132:13] maybe on the show, something like that. [132:15] It was like whatever it was like Chad [132:17] Hank seems pissed about it. But to have [132:18] Tom Hanks son angry at you and then it [132:21] comes at you and it turns out he's a [132:23] confused country wigger type guy. I [132:26] don't know what he does. He He does [132:27] seven genres of music. [132:28] >> Yeah. [132:29] >> The guy used to do R&B [132:31] >> for real. It was R&B and then it became [132:33] rap and then now it's country and now [132:35] it's kind of country rap. [132:36] >> Well, the rap to country pipeline is a [132:38] real thing that's happening now. [132:41] Rappers are kind of figuring out like, [132:42] oh, I could just do country music is the [132:44] easiest. Yeah. The easiest music to [132:46] sing. Like [132:47] >> Jelly Roll was a rapper. [132:48] >> Yeah. What's the name? Uh the other guy [132:50] too. [132:50] >> Teddy's Yellow Wolf. [132:52] >> No, [132:53] >> Wolf does country, [132:54] >> huh? [132:54] >> He does country now. [132:56] >> Yeah. Yeah. I think everyone just kind [132:57] of It's like a transition to country [132:58] music. I think you do a lot of bad [133:00] things when you're a rapper and then you [133:01] find God. [133:02] >> It's got to be weird being Tom Hanks son [133:04] too and trying to find your own path and [133:05] everybody's like [ __ ] Tom Hanks's [133:08] kid. [133:08] >> Well, also because the other one is so [133:10] Tom Hanksy. The fact that this one's got [133:12] like neck tattoos Colin Hanks. So he was [133:14] like an actor at a bunch of stuff [133:15] >> and he's like [133:16] >> I didn't know there was another one. [133:17] >> Yeah. He's like you've seen [133:18] >> pretty well known. He was in the movie [133:20] Orange County years ago with he was the [133:21] star of that [133:22] >> kind of like a dweeb guy. [133:24] >> He's a total Tom Hanks. So, exactly. [133:25] He's like a guy who tucks in his [133:26] button-down shirt on a Sunday, [133:28] >> but like and then the son's a neck [133:30] tattoo, you know, like like a code [133:33] switch and it's great. He got in trouble [133:35] one time for talking Patchwa and he's [133:36] like, I don't give a [ __ ] You bump a [133:38] club and they just made a rap song doing [133:41] it. I half respect it all. [133:43] >> Yeah. [133:43] >> I've he trouble for talking that talk. [133:46] >> Cultural appropriation. [133:50] >> So stupid. [133:51] >> It's so uh [133:52] >> shit's so stupid. What's really [133:53] hilarious is black ladies complaining [133:55] about cultural appropriation while they [133:57] have white wigs on [133:59] >> a white lady wig on. Like this is crazy. [134:01] Like look at your hair. This is [134:02] >> I do love watching videos of like big [134:04] black women intimidating like small [134:06] white girls with braids and like take [134:08] those braids out your hair right now [134:09] [ __ ] [134:09] >> Crazy. The take your braids out talk is [134:12] crazy. [134:12] >> You sit there and pick it out. [134:14] >> Yeah. I'm sorry. [134:16] >> Take your braids out is [ __ ] [134:17] >> That means you're you're cultural [134:18] appropriating. Or you went to the [134:20] Bahamas. [134:20] >> Bahamas. Yeah. [134:21] >> Yeah. or you were a Roman. [134:25] Braids have been around since the [134:26] beginning of time. It's hilarious. [134:28] >> It's just But again, it's somewhere in [134:29] the ether people find out. People are [134:31] told one day you're supposed to be angry [134:33] about it. You know what I'm saying? That [134:34] same was way back to earlier we were [134:35] saying like the blackface thing. No one [134:37] thought anything of it when Bewitched [134:39] everyone was in blackface. [134:40] >> When did it become a real was it the [134:43] internet? It must be. [134:44] >> I think it was really Ted Danc was like [134:47] the one they put him on like the New [134:49] York Post or something. It was like big [134:50] time. It was bad [134:51] >> when Howard Stern parodyied Ted Dansen. [134:55] >> Way worse. [134:56] >> 10 times worse. [134:57] >> I think he's buried it completely. [134:59] >> Oh, you could find for sure. But I mean, [135:01] he's he tried to get rid of it all. [135:02] >> That's when Howard was awesome. [135:04] >> He's uh I mean, that was wild. It was [135:06] awesome. But even when he was doing it, [135:07] you were kind of like I mean, it was on [135:09] TV. It was on It was on channel [135:13] in Philly. It was like the WB or [135:14] whatever [135:16] he was on. [135:17] >> Wild. [135:17] >> No, no, that thing. No, that [135:19] >> that thing was on his channel 9 show [135:23] whatever. [135:23] >> Imagine that. He's doing a radio show [135:25] every day. He's got to get up at [ __ ] [135:27] 5:00 in the morning, do that radio show, [135:29] and then he's also doing a TV show [135:32] >> at the same time. [135:33] >> Oh, that that Oh, yeah. He was They were [135:34] getting that. He told that schedule was [135:36] crazy. Bewitched. [135:37] >> This is Bewitched. [135:38] >> That's the bewitched. Everyone Oh, this [135:40] is crazy. [135:41] >> But it's B apostrophe wi t. [135:46] Oh, you know how who had something on [135:47] blackfaced Jamie? Cody Tucker. You know [135:50] Cody, the guy was on our podcast [135:52] recently had a thing on Joanie Mitchell. [135:54] Like Joanie Mitchell uh had invented [135:57] some character for something and it was [136:00] her in blackface dressed up as a man. [136:03] >> Yeah. [136:04] >> And singing songs. [136:06] >> Well, here I'll play the Cody Tucker [136:08] thing. It's crazy. [136:09] >> I think the song Time, the video for [136:11] Time by Culture Club's got a bunch of [136:12] people on blackface. [136:16] This is crazy [136:19] folk musicians of all time and is known [136:21] for her socially progressive messages [136:24] within her music. Despite that, Joanie [136:26] Mitchell has had some interesting [136:28] moments when it comes to race. She was [136:31] once asked to introduce Muhammad Ali at [136:33] Madison Square Garden and told fellow [136:36] musician Joan Bayz that she was going to [136:38] introduce him to the crowd as a jive ass [136:42] nword. Luckily, she decided against it. [136:45] In 1977, Joanie Mitchell released the [136:48] album Don Juan's Reckless Daughter. The [136:51] cover of that album featured an [136:53] African-American man named Art Novo. [136:56] Except Art Novo wasn't an actual person, [137:00] but instead Joanie Mitchell dressed in [137:03] total blackface as Wall [137:06] has had an affinity for blackface for [137:09] quite some time and is dressed as her [137:11] Africanamean alter ego on multiple [137:14] occasions. Joanie Mitchell is one of the [137:17] most [137:18] >> Okay, [137:18] >> that's a that's crazy. [137:20] >> Was that the shirt he was wearing? [137:21] >> That's a different time back then. That [137:23] was just her being silly. That wasn't [137:25] even No one even thought of that as [137:27] being racist. She's just pretending to [137:29] be a person that's black. [137:31] >> Certainly a giant. [137:33] >> That's an issue. That's an issue. But [137:35] you know what's crazy is no matter how [137:36] >> much hearsay, [137:38] >> but I'm saying all the activism she's [137:39] done and all the stuff that I'm sure the [137:41] positive stuff she's done uh it that [137:43] does get for some people that just wipes [137:45] it completely. That's what I'm saying. [137:46] They go [137:47] >> that's one of the reasons why they do [137:49] it. They they signal to the base that [137:52] they're a good person now and they go [137:53] way overboard. When you notice like men [137:56] that go way overboard with the woke [137:58] [ __ ] they're usually got some [ __ ] [138:00] shady [ __ ] in their past. [138:02] >> That's they always get with it. That's [138:03] the Bill Cosby effect, right? [138:04] >> Well, it's like a lot of these guys that [138:06] went like, you know, I hate to throw [138:07] Stern under the bus, but he went super [138:09] woke. And one of the problems is if you [138:11] go back through his archives, there's [138:13] horrendous [ __ ] in there. [138:14] >> Vicious. [138:15] >> But it was like at the time that was [138:18] fun. Like when we used to do OA, like it [138:21] was shock jock. Like we were shocking [138:23] each other on purpose of saying [ __ ] [138:25] completely outrageous [ __ ] And if [138:28] you're a person that you know wants to [138:29] be accepted by the Democratic party and [138:31] you want to be like there's comes a [138:32] certain moment in time where you have to [138:34] abandon all that stuff and you have to [138:36] completely buy into whatever the [ __ ] [138:38] they're saying. [138:39] >> Yeah. [138:39] >> Yeah. Take the oath. One of the best [138:41] things that Jay ever came up with when [138:42] we were doing we were like three years [138:44] into Legion of Skanks [138:45] >> and Jay was like we should start calling [138:47] it the most offensive podcast on earth. [138:49] So when people come they know exactly [138:50] what they're going to get. I think it's [138:51] why we've never gotten in trouble for [138:53] all the horrible [ __ ] we've said. [138:54] >> You've also did a brilliant thing and [138:56] that's you went subscription early on. [138:58] You're like look [ __ ] advertising. [ __ ] [139:00] all this. Let's just like have this. [139:02] Everybody knows what we're doing. Have [139:04] the fans pay for it but give them what [139:05] they want. And you guys have always [139:07] stuck to that. It's always you've never [139:10] watered it down. It's always been chaos. [139:12] It's always been Ari [ __ ] on stage [139:14] or whatever. Someone [ __ ] a flesh. [139:16] Like it's you guys. [139:17] >> I was getting jerked off by a [139:18] flashlight. [139:19] >> You [ __ ] He [ __ ] the flashlight. You [139:21] [ __ ] Big Jay by proxy touched him. [139:24] >> It's like electricity went through you. [139:26] >> It's like that's the right way to do it. [139:28] You know, Kumia did that with Compound [139:30] Media. It's like that's the way to do it [139:32] if you want to be that. If you want to [139:34] go like the straight progression from [139:36] like Opanthony satellite radio wildness [139:39] right into that like on Opanthony we did [139:41] that [ __ ] thing where that guy they [139:44] did the big bird you saw baby bird [139:45] >> baby bird did I remember that [139:47] >> with me and Burr and Ari and I think Ari [139:50] might have named it the baby bird [139:52] someone but it was basically my idea [139:55] because of fear factor I was like why [139:57] don't you lay your head over that barrel [140:00] and he'll throw up in your mouth and [140:02] this guy was like Okay. [140:06] And then the amount of puke that came [140:08] out of this guy's mouth. And so this was [140:10] on a flip phone. You can watch the [140:12] video. So the flip phone is like [140:13] terrible resolution cuz it's like 2003 [140:16] or something like that. [140:17] >> I was never jealous. [140:19] >> That was the amount. And that was him. [140:20] >> Oh my god. [140:21] >> Pat Duffy. Shout out to Pat Duffy. He [140:23] was the intern. [140:24] >> Look at that. Foundryusic.com. That's [140:26] what all this stuff was on. [140:27] >> Yeah. [140:27] >> That was like their that was their [140:29] website sort of. [140:29] >> That's crazy. [140:30] >> Yeah. And remember they used to like [140:32] stream it live on the internet on a [140:33] laptop. There was some [ __ ] pal talk [140:36] or something you had to get. Yeah. Oh, [140:37] it was insane. [140:39] >> What a collab. [140:40] >> See, watch the video. Pal. Yeah. Watch [140:43] the video because the video is nuts cuz [140:45] >> it's either my phone or someone else's [140:49] phone. I forget who got the video of it, [140:51] but it's super low resolution. You know, [140:54] this is like a 2003 video that only goes [140:57] for [140:57] >> Joe Rogan playing Carolines all weekend [140:59] long [141:02] >> with the Amazing Racist uh opening up. [141:04] >> Pat, how are you? [141:05] >> That was Ari Shafir. He used to call [141:07] himself the Amazing Racist. [141:08] >> I knew Ari Shafir from the Amazing [141:09] Racist before I knew Ari Shafir. Me and [141:11] Dave Smith would rent the the National [141:13] Amunes video that had the Amazing Racist [141:16] on it [141:16] >> and we were like, "This is the funniest [141:17] thing I've ever seen." Then we met Ari. [141:19] We were like, "The [ __ ] Amazing [141:20] Racist." [141:20] >> It was made by the Shamwow guy. [141:22] >> True. That caused him so many problems [141:24] early in his career. [141:26] >> Ari has always been a maniac from the [141:28] jump. [141:31] >> Scoot along a little bit. [141:32] >> This camera footage of it. This guy's [141:34] got a really nice camera. [141:35] >> What's he drinking, dude? [141:36] >> That's That is a guy working for [141:37] >> OA. [141:39] Is this somewhere? [141:40] >> He's going for 75. [141:41] >> Does he have to open his mouth? [141:42] >> So he's at 75 shots of everybody. [141:46] >> 75 shots. [141:47] >> Yeah, that's fine. [141:48] >> People are calling America and also [141:52] Yeah. Also, he's diabetic. [141:54] >> Oh, Jesus. [141:54] >> So, there's the there's the beginning. [141:56] So, here's the start. So, he drinks the [141:58] last one and [142:00] >> So, that's the beginning. [142:02] >> But, no, it's impossible volume. The [142:05] volume is impossible. [142:08] >> Look at that. [142:08] >> Oh my god. [142:09] >> Yeah. No, no, no. It keeps going. Keep [142:11] going. It No, it goes beyond real. It's [142:14] like cartoonish. Like, you can't believe [142:16] it's real. Watch this. Here it comes. [142:21] He's going to hang in there. Here he [142:22] goes. [142:23] >> He's holding on. [142:24] >> I'm laughing. [142:26] >> We lost Jimmy. [142:27] >> This guy's covered. [142:30] >> We're artists. Here he goes. [142:33] >> But no, you you're still not stunned [142:35] enough. Here it comes. [142:37] >> A thunderous round of applause. [142:40] >> This is not over by any means. [142:43] >> Who's the person getting vomited into [142:45] their mouth? [142:45] >> That's Pat Duffy. Kids and animals. [142:47] moment in radio history. Period. [142:52] >> TRUST ME ON THAT. [142:53] >> THAT TRUST. [142:56] >> Where's the rest of it? [142:57] >> I saw [142:58] >> Oh, you must have cut it out of the [142:59] beginning. [143:00] >> Did you just fast forward? [143:02] >> Oh, really? [143:06] >> Oh my god. [143:07] >> He covers his clothes. [143:08] >> Oh my god. Watch. Watch this. [143:11] >> Like that one. [143:13] >> That's insanity. That's [143:15] >> He threw it in his mouth. And again, he [143:17] threw it in his mouth like five [ __ ] [143:18] times. [143:19] >> Isn't it that show ended like a rock [143:21] band? [143:22] >> Yeah. [143:22] >> Like the way they all just like [ __ ] [143:25] >> Oh, there it is. There it is. There's [143:26] the big one. [143:28] >> I came right at the end of I came right [143:30] at the end of Opie and Anthony. [143:31] >> Oh, it was so fun. [143:32] >> I started doing I started doing Ron and [143:34] Fez Bennington. [143:35] >> Those guys were great, too. [143:36] >> It was my favorite time ever doing [143:38] radio. It was like the one radio that I [143:40] would look forward to because it was I [143:42] always say that that's the birth of [143:43] podcasting. Me and Colin were talking [143:45] about it yesterday. That's how it [143:46] started because they it was so [143:48] open-ended. They just let you do [143:50] whatever. They just It was just a hang. [143:51] >> Yeah. There was no like give me three [143:52] topics you want to we'll bring up and [143:54] you can do jokes about them. It was [143:55] >> And they didn't have segments that they [143:56] had. [143:57] >> And they were smarter than Stern because [143:58] they would bring in comics like good [144:00] comics like and they would sit back and [144:02] let everyone just [ __ ] with each other. [144:04] >> At the time that Stern wasn't accepting [144:06] any new, [144:07] >> you know, I mean like new [144:10] Stern had was like they weren't good [144:12] comedians. They became comedians cuz [144:13] they had like a name from the Stern [144:15] show. [144:15] >> No, you're going back. You're going [144:16] different direction. I'm talking about [144:17] when he would have like guests. [144:19] >> There's another angle. [144:20] >> He got like he had like Sam Kenisonson [144:22] like early game. [144:24] >> Oh my god. [144:25] >> He had Ken and he had all those guys on, [144:26] but Howard would do an interview and he [144:28] would control the interview. [144:29] >> The difference between that and OA is OA [144:31] was just a hang, you know? It's like [144:33] Lewis, what's going on? You would sit [144:34] down, Norton would start [ __ ] on [144:36] you. Voss would [ __ ] on you. It would [144:37] get crazy. Patrice would [ __ ] on you. It [144:39] was just everybody laughing, everybody [144:41] having fun. One of my favorite moments [144:42] just in like if you're a podcast fan or [144:44] if you are a podcaster, go watch the [144:46] first time Voss brought Patrice O'Neal [144:48] into Obie and Anthony. And within like 3 [144:50] seconds, Patrice just takes over. He [144:53] starts trashing Voss. Like within 10 [144:55] seconds, he's trashing Voss [144:57] >> and it's one of the most brilliant like [144:59] just comfortable like just immediately [145:02] so comfortable and just took over the [145:04] room and out like out alpha everybody. [145:05] It's it's [ __ ] brilliant. [145:07] >> He'd be in prison today. [145:10] That was the birth of podcasting and [145:12] then you know all the stuff that we do [145:14] that you guys doing legis all that stuff [145:17] were direct descendants of a lot of our [145:20] early fans were like oh this is like a [145:21] continuation of Obie and Anthony. [145:23] >> Yeah people still like that still fun [145:25] like people don't want to be lectured [145:27] and scolded and talked down to and [145:29] [ __ ] be told what words to use and [145:31] not words to use. [ __ ] you. [145:33] >> People are tired of it. We want just [145:35] people talking [ __ ] and being [145:37] entertained. The same way you do when [145:39] you're hanging out at a bar, the same [145:40] way you do when you go over your [145:41] friend's house, you have a couple beers. [145:43] That's how people talk. [145:44] >> Yeah. [145:45] >> Um I was going to say with the Stern [145:47] thing, do you think like I I'm was such [145:49] a fan for so long. I stayed in there [145:51] like pretty close till now, [145:53] >> but I don't really listen anymore now [145:55] because it's not that he got woke as a [145:56] thing. I guess it is more that than like [145:59] where he changed and a lot of people [146:00] complain but I do understand age getting [146:02] to a point where you're like well I [146:03] don't want to do like the [ __ ] Olympics [146:05] >> with the porn stars and I get I get [146:07] aging out of that maybe his daughters [146:09] are you know I had the same thing [146:10] >> yeah Dave Smith [146:11] >> but like uh but I'm thinking age out of [146:13] it but it's also like to have it all go [146:15] so like I mean he's like interviewed [146:17] everyone that was like his enemy like [146:19] but like interviewed them in a way where [146:21] it's like hey Kathy Lee Gford remember I [146:23] made fun of you now tell me about this [146:25] lovely song you wrote for your dead [146:26] husband which is like crazy. Like an [146:29] awful thing she wrote. Like he's just [146:30] like now it's like he's like we're at [146:32] dinner parties together. So I think he's [146:33] like he's not going at him like that [146:35] anymore. Well, it's got to be weird, [146:38] man, because like when he was doing it [146:39] in the early days, there was no [146:41] internet, so there was no feedback. And [146:44] one of the things I remember in the [146:45] early days of uh Twitter, like he used [146:48] to get on Twitter, they used to get on [146:49] the and and Instagram and these and [146:51] you'd read the comments and they were [146:53] [ __ ] horrendous because that's what [146:56] you've cultivated. You've cultivated a [146:58] bunch of vicious people. Like remember [147:00] the pests from OA? [147:02] >> Yeah. [147:02] >> They were the most vicious. The most [147:04] vicious. And then they turned on Opie [147:06] and Anthony, which is the funniest part [147:07] of all of it. Like they they just [147:09] started it became a game to just torture [147:10] the hosts of that show. [147:12] >> Yeah. God, they're animals. [147:14] >> And they were having fun. And it's like, [147:16] look, this is what you set up. This is a [147:17] culture you set up. [147:18] >> Yeah. [147:18] >> And so I don't think you like that. And [147:20] then there was also like once the [147:22] internet came around, then the woke [ __ ] [147:24] started happening. And then people [147:25] started finding stuff that he had said [147:27] and done and he was getting attacked for [147:29] it. Like he had never been attacked his [147:30] whole life. [147:30] >> The internet made virtue signaling very [147:32] easy. And that's like it's an addictive [147:34] thing. It's the only time somebody will [147:35] get like 10 likes on a post, right? [147:37] Because they're like saying this thing [147:38] that it's like, "Oh, look, I'm holier [147:40] than thou." And then they get a little [147:41] attention and you're like, "Oh, cool. [147:42] That's that's valuable to me. It's the [147:44] most attention I've ever gotten in my [147:45] life." [147:45] >> Harrison also had an army behind him at [147:47] one point when every when [ __ ] did come [147:48] at him. There was like an army screaming [147:50] a lot louder. That army is now like, you [147:52] know, [147:52] >> well, the internet handfuls of like, you [147:54] know, retired fights and stuff. [147:56] >> It's a different thing. It was all that [147:58] was before the internet. You you have to [148:00] really take that in into consideration. [148:01] Like he was the real original pioneer. [148:04] He was the one doing crazy [ __ ] getting [148:06] fined by the government, [148:07] >> but there was no feedback and there was [148:09] no other people and he would like [148:10] controlled market. He would attack [148:12] whoever was in the market and he would [148:13] go into it to just say horrible things [148:15] about their families. Horrible things. [148:17] >> But also the And also everybody's [148:19] copying him. [148:20] >> Yeah. [148:20] >> Like if you're talking on radio, he's [148:22] like everyone's copying me. And it's [148:23] like he's not wrong. He's right. [148:24] >> But he didn't accept [148:26] >> kudos for that. Like Yeah. Like it's [148:28] like you're awesome so we want to do it [148:30] too. He's like I'll end you for trying [148:31] to be doing a comedy. It's like well you [148:33] can't be the only funny radio thing [148:35] ever. You opened up a genre now. [148:36] >> Yeah. You can't be hating other dudes [148:38] are doing the same [ __ ] you do and you [148:40] could be the only one. That's crazy. [148:42] >> Once he got SiriusXM he stopped giving a [148:44] [ __ ] about like FM right now. Then [148:46] everybody was all of a sudden was like [148:47] guy's a great broadcaster. Like that's [148:48] all he says now in hindsight. [148:50] >> Well the other thing was that like when [148:52] you think about back then there was only [148:53] a few slots. So there was one morning [148:55] slot from 6:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m. that [148:57] everybody wanted. That was the drive [148:59] time morning and Howard owned that. He [149:00] owned that syndicated all across the [149:02] country. So as soon as the internet came [149:04] around, no one's competing for slots [149:06] anymore. Now it's wide open. The podcast [149:08] goes out the whole world. So everybody [149:10] realized this isn't a feast or famine [149:12] anymore. It's not like if you guys have [149:14] a show, then I can't have a show cuz [149:16] that slot is taking up on WXM radio. [149:19] Yeah. [149:19] >> That doesn't exist. So it's just wide [149:21] open. So then everybody was was cool and [149:24] they weren't like in the old days of [149:26] like the Tonight Show like you heard [149:27] about like Jay Leno hiding in the closet [149:29] while they're talking about David stuff. [149:32] >> They were all like fighting against each [149:34] other because there was only scraps. [149:36] >> There was only a tiny amount of spots [149:37] and there was a million guys who wanted [149:39] to host the Tonight Show. [149:40] >> Yes. Starting from that era of being [149:42] like I have to be the best or everyone [149:43] else is going to catch up to me. [149:45] Different attitude. Those antiquated [149:46] comedy ideas are great. Can you I mean [149:48] even in my time in comedy I remember the [149:50] nights of like ABC scouts are in the [149:52] audience that's like what the [ __ ] okay [149:56] [ __ ] [149:56] >> Yeah [149:57] >> like but the time there was a time when [149:58] there was like all right they put me on [150:00] that NBC showcase happening over at this [150:02] comedy club and like you realize it [150:03] means nothing jack [ __ ] ever HBO's doing [150:05] a showcase [150:06] >> certainly doesn't now in the '9s [150:08] something in the '90s you get a [150:10] development deal and it would change [150:11] your [ __ ] life. Everybody did. And [150:14] then there was that poor guy who killed [150:15] himself. They always they always used [150:17] his name as Michael Roof, right? Michael [150:19] chicken roof. [150:20] >> I don't know what his real name was. I [150:21] just knew me as chicken. [150:22] >> But he got because he became they you [150:25] know, who knows why he killed himself [150:27] ultimately, but I guess was always [150:28] thought was because he became the name [150:29] associated with well you can go to New [150:32] Faces now, but you're probably not [150:34] walking out of there with a definite [150:35] deal. You know, one two guys are going [150:36] to go home with a deal. But it used to [150:38] be if you went to New Faces like you're [150:39] coming back with a holding or [150:40] development or something. [150:41] >> Well, you should say why. Why him? [150:44] >> Um, what was it? I don't I'm not sure [150:46] exactly. [150:46] >> He got the biggest deal ever. [150:47] >> Oh, yeah. He got He get the million [150:48] million dollar deal, right? [150:49] >> It was confusing. And not to disparage [150:51] Dead Man, but it was confusing. You [150:53] would watch his comedy like, "What are [150:54] they laughing at? I don't understand." [150:56] And agents, a lot of agents, especially [150:58] the young ones, these are young kids. [151:00] They don't understand comedy. They don't [151:02] know what the [ __ ] is going on. They [151:03] just hear noise like, "He's amazing. [151:05] He's so talented." And so, they signed [151:07] this guy to some huge [ __ ] deal. It [151:09] was like the biggest development deal [151:11] they had ever signed anybody to and it [151:13] all fell apart. Nothing happened and [151:14] then years later he wound up killing [151:16] himself cuz his career just and he hung [151:18] himself in front of a school. [151:20] >> Oh yeah, [151:21] >> that's like lore like what's the other [151:23] one? [151:24] >> Did you guys say you never heard of this [151:25] before? I've always Olly Joe Prader is [151:27] the guy who like they put they put a [151:29] tarp over him like for the feature [151:31] >> act. He's drive Mity. They had that [151:33] picture of him in the comedy store back [151:35] room. Ali Joe the big in the limo and [151:38] stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think he died [151:40] and they they had to put like a tarp [151:41] over him or something like that. [151:42] >> No, no. I heard he was just like so like [151:44] he couldn't like make it to the stage. [151:46] >> So he'd sit during his set. [151:47] >> So he s during his set, they put a tarp [151:49] over him. When the feature act was done, [151:51] they would just like remove the tarp and [151:53] he would start doing the show. [151:55] >> You think there's like a [ __ ] [151:56] >> Oh my god, that's crazy. [151:58] >> You thought it was like a drum kit or [152:00] something? [152:01] >> Crazy. He had to position himself on [152:03] stage [152:03] >> under a tarp. Give it up for Ralphie [152:05] May. Cuz no matter how big he got, he [152:06] walked up and he [ __ ] walked that [152:09] walk up to that goddamn microphone. [152:11] >> Oh god. Could you imagine Ralphie? We [152:13] had Ralphie get in the back. We got [152:15] towards [152:17] >> the end. I saw Ralphie. That was wild. [152:19] Like uh being taken around Bonnaroo on [152:21] his own golf cart like on the back just [152:23] dominating the space and then his people [152:26] would [152:26] >> set him up with a chair right in the pit [152:29] of the music at Bon at Bonaroo. I [152:31] remember Kendrick Lamar was on and it [152:32] was thumping and you look over and he's [152:34] like asleep in a chair in front of a [152:36] stack of marshals like yo Ralphie that's [152:40] why Ari ended up uh that was the thing [152:42] our flights all got [ __ ] up going home [152:44] from Bonnaroo and Ari's flight got [152:46] cancelled and we were scaring to try to [152:48] get new flights and he goes I think I'm [152:50] going to go stay with uh Ralphie for you [152:51] go I don't know how much longer we're [152:52] going to have Ralphie around I think he [152:54] passed like months later. [152:55] >> Wow kind of saw that coming. That's that [152:57] RE6 sense. Yeah, the Ralphie one was a [153:01] bummer cuz he had a bunch of operations, [153:03] too. [153:05] >> Right. Yeah. He had his stomach stabled [153:06] a couple times and blew through it. [153:08] >> Jesus. [153:09] >> Tenacious. [153:10] >> Yeah. He had whatever the operation was, [153:11] he pull he ate through the operation. [153:14] >> So, he busted it out and he had to get [153:16] redone. [153:17] >> That's wild. Yeah. Multiple times. One [153:19] time I worked with him, he was carrying [153:20] like a I think he had a catheter that [153:22] came out of his pants into a briefcase [153:24] he was holding and it's like, [153:25] >> "Oh, boy. [153:26] >> You just have a dick tube in right now [153:27] while you're talking to me." [153:28] >> Oh, boy. [153:29] That's tough. Oh boy. Still doing a [153:31] show. [153:31] >> Carrying around a briefcase full of [153:32] piss. [153:33] >> Yeah. [153:34] >> Killing. Killing. [153:36] >> [ __ ] killing, dude. [153:37] >> Sat down on the stool. Is there a cable [153:40] that grease goes in his pants? [153:42] >> Ralphie made Ralphie at Dublins. [153:44] Remember Dublin's dude. He used to shake [153:46] that [ __ ] place up. Dude, he would [153:48] murder. [153:49] >> Ralphie would murder. And he had a pace [153:50] to him. Ralphie knew how to like he had [153:53] that pace that bang bang bang. And with [153:54] that southern accent. [153:56] >> Oh yeah. [153:56] >> Yeah. He was a Houston guy. You know, [153:59] there was a great crap, great crop of uh [154:02] talent that came out of the Laugh Stop [154:04] in Houston for a while. A bunch of good [154:06] guys like Mattie Kersh came out of [154:08] there. There's a bunch of other funny [154:09] guys that just never [ __ ] made it, [154:11] but they were good, man. They were like [154:13] really funny comics. [154:15] >> Boston had a ton of that though. [154:16] >> Oh, yeah. Well, Boston was better than [154:18] >> Boston was like the the but notoriously [154:21] got guys that are like no one can [154:22] believe why Steve Sweeney was never like [154:24] his own star in some way. [154:26] >> Oh, yeah. know for sure. But what what [154:28] came out of that Houston scene was [154:29] Kenisonson and Hicks. They both came out [154:31] of that scene. [154:31] >> The last stop. [154:32] >> Yeah. That was a [ __ ] incredible [154:34] club, man. [154:34] >> I worked for the lady's son took it over [154:37] when she got sick or passed or whatever. [154:39] >> Yeah. [154:40] >> Yeah. Yeah. He And then he opened up [154:41] another one that was outside. They they [154:43] closed locations and moved to a [154:45] different location. It wasn't as good. [154:46] That was one when Ari went up with a [154:48] Hitler mustache on [154:52] Ari had a beard and he's like, "I think [154:53] I'm going to grow a Hitler mustache." [154:55] I'm like, "Well, you can." [154:57] >> We did one time, a black guy could say [154:59] the n word. You can wear a Hitler [155:00] mustache. Go up there. [155:01] >> One time on Legion Gangs back in the [155:03] day, we uh we did some [155:05] >> some sort of challenge. Whatever it was, [155:06] the punishment for Ari was though, [155:09] >> me, Dave Smith, and Big Jay shaved all [155:11] of our pubes and we glued them to Ari to [155:14] make a Hitler mustache. You can probably [155:16] find the picture. [155:18] You can find the video. It's I I don't [155:20] know if I've laughed this hard in 30 [155:21] years. It's the funniest. [155:22] >> It looks so His face is so He hates it. [155:25] I had spirit gum. We put spirit gum and [155:27] I took the pubes and it was me. I put [155:29] the pubes on his face and when I move my [155:31] fingers away, [155:32] >> it's the reveals. [155:33] >> It's the funniest thing. [155:34] >> World class on the planet. On the [155:36] planet. He's right here. [155:38] >> See, this is a direct transition between [155:41] the baby bird and this is trying to move [155:44] his nose out of the way. This is a [155:45] threeman job. [155:46] >> Who's that guy? [155:48] >> Sexy Dave Smith. [155:49] >> Yes, you are, dude. [155:51] >> Young Dave. my line [155:52] >> before Dave got political. [155:55] >> Oh my god. [155:56] >> This is a perfect Hitler man. Hitler [155:58] mustache. [155:59] >> Louis, you you take the sickest [156:02] perverted [ __ ] happiness. Oh my god. [156:07] Oh my god. [156:17] jam lost. [156:19] >> I've never been happier than in that [156:21] moment. That was [156:23] >> That was my peak. [156:24] >> Oh my god. [156:26] >> Oh my god. That's so funny. [156:27] >> Good God. [156:28] >> He's an animal. [156:29] >> Yeah. I had to hold his [ __ ] open [156:30] once while he got his [ __ ] bleached. [156:33] >> Triply. [156:34] It's like that was our punishment. I [156:36] hold his [ __ ] [156:37] >> We've held Ari's [ __ ] open. I one [156:39] time I had a hemorrhoid. I was like, [156:40] "Guys, I got a hemorrhoid." And then [156:42] everyone was like, "All right, show me." [156:43] So I showed him on the show and then uh [156:45] Ari's like, "That's not a hemorrhoid. [156:46] >> That's not a hemorrhoid. I'll I'll show [156:47] you a hammer. I was like, "All right, [156:48] let me see." So then obviously he bent [156:50] over and I I held his [ __ ] open, [156:52] dude. And it looked like the [ __ ] [156:54] demogorgon [156:56] from Stranger Things. [156:59] >> His [ __ ] looks like what the hell [157:00] razor box does, too. Like it's been the [157:02] chains that pulled it inside out. [157:04] >> He used to have to take pieces of toilet [157:06] paper and like stuff it between his [157:09] napkins. [157:09] >> He still does. [157:12] He called him. [157:13] >> Crazy. Put it on Louis. do whatever you [157:15] could to stop that from happening. [157:17] >> He's had two surgeries. Two anal [157:19] corrective like Yeah. Like like scrape [157:21] out the [ __ ] surgeries, dude. Scrape out [157:23] the [ __ ] [157:24] >> So what's the issue? [157:25] >> I think they come back. I think he's [157:26] vital. [157:27] >> I think he's like a he's so feral that [157:28] he has to get his anal glands expressed [157:30] like a dog. [157:30] >> I think he spends too much time like [157:32] he's a king. [157:34] >> Oh yeah, [157:37] >> that picture is amazing. Oh my god, that [157:40] picture is amazing. Well, you're wearing [157:43] St. Peter shirton. [157:47] >> Oh my god. [157:48] >> The trathon. [157:50] >> God, that's a terrible shirt to be [157:52] wearing in that photo. [157:54] >> Oh my god. Blessing Ari [ __ ] trailer. [157:57] >> Ari maybe maybe is leaving the biggest [157:59] stamp in standup comedy. [158:01] >> Even without being an arena act or [158:03] anything, just a big stamp. I mean, as [158:04] far as affecting people's lives around [158:06] him. [158:07] >> Yep. He's an animal. It's also he's [158:08] living his life the way he wants to live [158:09] it, which is like so it's like it's the [158:12] purest definition of success. He wakes [158:14] up, opens his eyes, and he just does [158:15] what he wants to do. [158:16] >> He'll take off for six months, a year [158:19] off his podcast. Like everyone's like, [158:20] "You got to get out at the exact same [158:21] time every week." Or was like, "I'm not [158:23] going to do it." [158:23] >> I say he's like he's the architect of [158:25] his own happiness. He's created a world [158:28] that he's like, "This is what I want to [158:29] do. This is the best version of me. This [158:31] is what makes me happy and that's what I [158:33] want to do." [158:34] >> And it really works. And the thing is [158:35] like what really cemented him other than [158:38] this is not happening the show that he [158:40] did on Comedy Central was his special [158:42] Jew. That [ __ ] special is amazing. [158:45] >> I was there taping watching tape. I was [158:47] like this is beautiful. [158:48] >> He worked so hard on it for so long. It [158:50] was like the one thing that he really [158:51] concentrated because he had a very [158:52] specific subject to write material on [158:54] and it was so rock solid, man. And then [158:56] the whole thing happened with Kobe [158:58] Bryant. He stopped doing it for a while. [158:59] I'm like, "Bro, you got to bring that [159:01] back. You got to release that as a [159:02] special." And then he released that as a [159:04] special like oh [159:05] >> numbers. Yeah. [159:06] >> Yeah. [159:06] >> Rock solid. [159:07] >> Yeah. He moved to New York and became [159:09] like an elite level comedian. Like he he [159:11] just Yeah. Like Ory was always good but [159:13] then he came to New York and like his [159:15] standup is so [ __ ] it's so good. [159:17] >> I think it also was part of that thing [159:19] of doing what you want to do. And he [159:20] always wanted to be a New York City [159:22] comedian. He like even when he lived in [159:24] LA the idea of living in New York and [159:25] doing comedy in New York was bouncing [159:27] around. [159:27] >> That's what he wanted. And so that's [159:29] what he did. And now like he's like I [159:30] want to go to Asia for six months. no [159:32] phone. He just abandons his phone. You [159:34] can't get a hold of him. And then every [159:35] now and then I would get like a text [159:37] message wondering what's happening with [159:38] blah blah blah. I'm like, who the [ __ ] [159:40] is this? And he didn't even tell me who [159:42] it was. It was [159:42] >> Sorry, I'm in Uganda. [159:44] >> And then like three text messages later, [159:45] oh, this is Ari by the way. [159:47] >> Like, oh, okay. [159:48] >> Yeah. [159:48] >> Where are you? I'm in Savvo. [159:51] >> Look at him. [159:51] >> He missed the first Skangfest ever last [159:53] year and he's he's coming back this year [159:54] for [159:55] >> Where is he now? He whipped his tattoo [159:57] wherever they filmed Star Wars. [160:00] >> Yeah. Where the [ __ ] Tunisia? What [160:03] the [ __ ] man? [160:05] >> Yeah. Or was having a beer at the [160:09] cantina on space. [160:10] >> Not only that, he'll do this [ __ ] by [160:11] himself. Like, he's an animal. [160:14] >> Yeah. He's He's like, I'll get lost. [160:15] I'll figure out where I'm sleeping guy. [160:17] I'm like I'm a plans guy. [160:19] >> Well, I mean, he's not pretending. [160:22] >> No, [160:22] >> that's the thing. Like, that is who he [160:24] is. [160:25] >> It's [ __ ] dope way to live your life. [160:27] >> Beautiful person, dude. [160:28] >> He's getting chubby. [160:31] I saw him a month ago in France and he's [160:33] like, "I'm fat, just to let you know." [160:34] I'm like, "Don't worry, dude. I'm way [160:35] fatter than you are. You don't have to [160:37] worry about that." [160:38] >> All right, fellas. Let's bring this [160:39] [ __ ] home. Uh, Skankfest, [160:41] >> November 13th. [160:42] >> Greatest comedy festival in the history [160:44] of the known universe. [160:45] >> Absolutely. [160:46] >> Yeah, we're uh single day passes. [160:47] Saturday might be sold out at this [160:49] point, but if you're especially if [160:50] you're in the area, come get Single Day [160:52] passes skankfest.com. [160:53] >> Uh, yeah. I mean, it's [160:55] >> come for the comedy. Stay for Steve's [160:57] dick. Yeah, naked. Steve judges a naked [160:59] roast. Every year we do a naked roast [161:01] battle where the comedians are all [161:02] naked. All the judges are naked. No [161:04] phones allowed. It's uh [161:06] >> and it's me, Jason Ellis, who's got a [161:08] hog that you've never even [ __ ] seen. [161:10] And then like a porn star, and it's like [161:12] And me. It sucks, dude. [161:13] >> Well, you got balls, bro. [161:14] >> I I mean I big ones. [161:16] >> Yeah, he's got decent balls. [161:17] >> But I have to It's been 10 years. So [161:19] it's like once you see you me naked, [161:21] it's like there's no more surprises. So [161:23] one year I put home phone number on my [161:25] back [161:25] >> and I would just turn around and flex [161:27] for the audience. I did black dick one [161:29] year. So we got a good one. [161:32] >> Every year I find a new party of you to [161:33] love. [161:34] >> Yeah, we got a lot of really cool stuff. [161:35] It's the 10th year anniversary. So and [161:37] uh yeah, it's the last one we're doing [161:38] in New Orleans for quite some time. So [161:39] it's going to be a wild [161:40] >> I always say that I think it's the best [161:42] festival in comedy. It's the most wild [161:44] and free and it's like just seems it's [161:47] in the the spirit of just making people [161:49] laugh. [161:49] >> No industry, we don't give any industry [161:51] passes out. Everyone's there to just [161:52] have a good time [161:53] >> and it's always sold out. It's always [161:54] sold out. Like people love it. They look [161:56] forward to it every year. You guys are [161:57] killing it. [161:58] >> So congrat and congratulations on being [161:59] the newest member. [162:00] >> Thank you. [162:01] >> Appreciate that. [162:01] >> All right. Wrap it up. [162:02] >> Thank you.