Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates
The Onion
AI-assisted summary of Missing Teen's Friends Go On TV To Plead For Her Release, Gossip About Ugly Classmates — original source. Check the original for full context.
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Key ideas
- Two high school students, Katie Clemens and Megan Clear, appeared on morning show Today Now! ostensibly to plead for the return of missing 17-year-old friend Janelle Kelly, but instead used the airtime to air petty high school gossip. (0:07)
- The teenagers repurposed serious search efforts, such as their dedicated missing-person Facebook page, to mock their peers' appearances and argue about who deserved to be abducted instead. (0:07)
- Megan revealed live on air that she had received a voicemail from Janelle indicating she was being driven toward Salinas by an unknown man, but failed to alert police due to dinner plans and an early call time. (1:45)
Detailed notes
## Background Published on YouTube by The Onion on May 18, 2011, this satirical news segment features two high school students appearing on the morning show Today Now!. According to the video's description, the teens go on the program hoping to assist in finding their kidnapped friend while making sure she knows their classmate is completely knocked up.
## TL;DR High schoolers Katie Clemens and Megan Clear appear on Today Now! to address the disappearance of their missing seventeen-year-old friend, Janelle Kelly. Rather than assisting the search, the girls relentlessly derail the broadcast to spread pregnancy rumors, insult their peers' appearances, and accuse host Jim of the kidnapping as a live-air prank. In the middle of their petty chatter, Megan offhandedly reveals that she received and ignored a frantic voicemail from Janelle describing her captor driving toward Salinas because she was busy drinking margaritas at P.F. Chang's. The broadcast concludes in utter bewilderment as the girls dish about Janelle's family life, leaving the hosts completely unnerved.
## Atmosphere & style The sketch delivers a sharp, deadpan satire that highlights the jarring disconnect between the earnest gravity of morning news programming and the vapid, self-involved indifference of adolescent gossip. It creates an escalating cringe-comedy dynamic, where the anchors' measured professionalism progressively breaks down into flabbergasted horror as critical evidence is treated as an annoying afterthought. The sheer contrast between life-or-death stakes and trivial teenage drama gives the entire exchange an absurd, darkly hilarious rhythm.
## Bulletin - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) Two high school students, Katie Clemens and Megan Clear, appeared on morning show Today Now! ostensibly to plead for the return of missing 17-year-old friend Janelle Kelly, but instead used the airtime to air petty high school gossip. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) The teenagers repurposed serious search efforts, such as their dedicated missing-person Facebook page, to mock their peers' appearances and argue about who deserved to be abducted instead. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) Megan revealed live on air that she had received a voicemail from Janelle indicating she was being driven toward Salinas by an unknown man, but failed to alert police due to dinner plans and an early call time.
## Key takeaways - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) Janelle Kelly, a 17-year-old from Sacramento, California, had been missing for six days when her friends appeared on television. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) When given the opportunity to broadcast a direct plea to Janelle, Katie and Megan focused on spreading rumors about classmate Stephie Pete's alleged pregnancy. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) The Facebook page created to spread awareness of Janelle's disappearance was also used to upload photos ridiculing classmate Shauna's cornrows. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) The girls openly discussed statewide Amber Alerts by suggesting that another classmate, Aaron, would have been a more suitable kidnap victim. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) In response to serious inquiries regarding police cooperation, the teens pranked host Jim by falsely claiming they told authorities he was responsible for the kidnapping. - [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) The on-air conversation quickly deteriorated into personal insults and squabbles between Katie and Megan over crushes and facial blemishes. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) Megan forgot to mention a crucial phone call and voicemail from Janelle because she was distracted by going to a movie and drinking margaritas at P.F. Chang's. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) Janelle's voicemail contained critical evidence that an unknown man was driving her south toward Salinas, California. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) Megan admitted she could barely hear Janelle's voicemail because classmate Camri was loudly bragging about getting a new Ford Explorer. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) Megan justified not taking Janelle's voicemail to the police by citing her busy schedule and an early morning wake-up for the TV appearance. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) When the hosts brought up Janelle's mother's plea from the day before, the girls interrupted to disparage Janelle's father's younger girlfriend. - [01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) The broadcast concluded with host Tracy becoming self-conscious about her wardrobe, worrying that her sweater made her look pregnant.
## Detailed walkthrough ### [00:07](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=7s) Television Plea and High School Gossip
Seventeen-year-old Janelle Kelly from Sacramento, California, has been missing for six days. Her two best friends, Katie Clemens and Megan Clear, appear on the morning show *Today Now!* to speak about the ongoing search efforts. When the show's anchors invite them to deliver an on-air message directly to Janelle in the hopes that she might see it, the girls quickly pivot from expressing concern to sharing high school drama. Katie leads with their primary update: “Um, that we miss you and we're looking for you, and Stephie Pete from biology is pregnant.” Megan chimes in to substantiate the claim, insisting that although Stephie denies the rumor, she is giving herself away by wearing heavy sweaters in the middle of May.
The anchors ask about how they have been spreading the word, particularly through a dedicated Facebook page. Katie explains that the page contains vital missing-person details such as Janelle's last known location and what she was wearing, but adds that they also uploaded pictures of another classmate's terrible hair makeover in case Janelle checks the feed, noting, “We also posted, just in case Janelle sees it, some pics of Shauna's disgusting new cornrows.” Megan agrees dismissively, calling Shauna a “hot mess Express.” The discussion moves to the statewide Amber Alerts organized for Janelle, which prompts the girls to remark that someone else should have been taken instead. Megan remarks that Janelle's abduction makes no sense because that sort of thing should happen to their classmate Aaron, with Katie adding that Aaron would probably even enjoy being kidnapped. They openly badmouth Aaron on live television, revealing their vulgar nickname for her: “We call her the Balls-o-saurus because she loves to put balls in her mouth.”
When the male anchor, Jim, attempts to steer the interview back to serious matters by asking about their cooperation with law enforcement, Katie abruptly deadpans to Jim, “Yeah, we told them you did it.” As Jim sits in stunned disbelief, the girls erupt in laughter, taunting him for panicking on air before turning on each other. Katie teases Megan by claiming she has a crush on Jim, which Megan furiously denies by pointing out that Jim is fifty years old, before both teenagers erupt into a petty squabble over their past boyfriends and facial blemishes on live television.
- Janelle Kelly, a 17-year-old high school student from Sacramento, California, has been missing for six days. - Katie Clemens and Megan Clear created a Facebook page to track Janelle's last known whereabouts and clothing, while simultaneously using it to mock classmate Shauna's cornrows. - The girls organized California Amber Alerts, but openly speculate that their classmate Aaron would have been a more fitting kidnap victim. - On-air hosts Jim and Tracy try to focus on police cooperation, only for the girls to accuse Jim of the kidnapping as a prank.
[01:45](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM&t=105s) The Forgotten Voicemail and Ongoing Search Efforts
When the anchors ask whether the girls have heard anything directly from Janelle throughout the ordeal, Megan suddenly has an epiphany on air and realizes she completely forgot that Janelle actually called her phone. Megan recounts dismissing the call because she was in a movie theater and intended to return it afterward. However, her evening quickly derailed when friends invited her out to P.F. Chang's, where she ended up getting wasted on margaritas because their friend Samantha was connected with one of the restaurant's bussers.
The anchors press Megan on whether Janelle left a voicemail, asking if there is proof that Janelle is still alive. Megan offhandedly confirms that Janelle did leave a message explaining that an unknown man was currently driving her south toward Salinas. However, Megan admits she barely listened to the audio because of ambient distractions: “Yeah, but I mean I couldn't really understand her because Camri was talking super loud about how her parents are buying her this new Explorer, even though everyone knows her parents are like super poor.” Katie readily backs her up, insulting Camri's family home by comparing it to an overfilled storage locker. Appalled by this crucial, unshared evidence, the hosts ask if Megan has reported the call to the authorities, to which Megan indignantly replies, “When would I have done that? I had to get up at like ass-crack early this morning to do the show.”
Attempting to wrap up the interview gracefully, the anchors mention that Janelle's mother had appeared on the program the previous day to plead for her daughter's safe return. Katie and Megan immediately interrupt to clarify whether the network hosted Janelle's actual mother or her father's new partner, describing the father's girlfriend as an absolute wreck. Megan remarks that the girlfriend acts like a five-year-old and shares an uncomfortable memory of being over at the house and hearing the couple having sex. As the segment concludes with a solemn prayer for Janelle, host Tracy suddenly spirals into self-conscious panic over her own outfit, asking the crew whether her sweater makes her look pregnant like Stephie Pete.
- Megan received a voicemail from Janelle during her abduction stating that an unidentified man was driving her toward Salinas, California. - The message went ignored and was never reported to police because Megan attended a movie, drank margaritas at P.F. Chang's, and had an early morning call time for the television studio. - Megan could hardly hear the voicemail due to classmate Camri bragging about a new Ford Explorer despite her family's poverty. - The segment wraps up with high school gossip about Janelle's father's younger girlfriend, leaving host Tracy paranoid about whether her own wardrobe makes her look pregnant.
## Mentioned The Onion, Today Now!, Janelle Kelly, Katie Clemens, Megan Clear, Stephie Pete, Facebook, Shauna, Aaron, Jim, Samantha, P.F. Chang's, Camri, Ford Explorer, Tracy, Sacramento, California, Salinas, California
## Video description Two teens visit Today Now! in the hopes of finding their kidnapped friend and letting her know that their classmate is totally knocked up.
[Source](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM)